It’s kinda weird how the modern indiesphere has made personal branding so complicated. There are just so many subgenres of music, and so many ppl trying to ‘one-up’ eachother when it comes to their historical knowledge of music that we have lost touch with core values of ‘good music.’ I remember when ppl used to unite around ‘the best music in the world’ instead of getting ‘all divided’ abt it.

I remember back when branding was all about ‘peace, love, and music.’ All three values were held ‘equally’, and all were just as important as the other. Kinda reminds me of ‘Woodstock.’ From what I understand, Woodstock was ‘the first music festival ever organized’, and often recognized as ‘the most authentic music festival ever created.’

They are apparently making a ‘new movie’ about the Woodstocks called ‘Taking Woodstock’ (with my bros). I might see it, just 2 see what music festivals were like b4 they had sponsored stages and other ‘corporate bullshit.’ I feel kinda confused by the movie’s aesthetics. Seem like they are trying to break into the ‘college dorm room poster’ market.

Just watched the trailer. Apparently the movie is done by the AZN bro behind Brokeback Mountain (miss u Heathbro). Feel confused by this trailer. It seems like some sort of movie that is trying to reach mainstreamers, becoming some sort of ‘deep movie abt being a young adult during a cultural movement.’ Also probably about ‘hope’, ‘determination’ and other vague ideals related 2 ‘the human spirit.’

Feel confused about movies with this Almost Famousy aesthetic. It seems like people honor them as ‘being authentic’ but they seem ‘krappy’ 2 me. Like something you would accidentally watch on TNT on Saturday afternoon, and think ‘this was okay. I understand why old people/young people like it’, but just weird that they are considered 2 be ‘amazing.’

It’s like the people who think these movies are ‘awesome’ haven’t experienced the gimmick that is meaningfulcore music. Like they will never hear music that is ‘better’ than 60s + 70s music.

Kinda glad that the scene has evolved 2 what it is 2day. There really is more to life than ‘peace’, ‘love’, and ‘music’, and they don’t really have much 2 do with 1 another. In order to feel special, u must make 99.9% of the world feel unspecial. I am okay with the way things are 2day.

Yall. Feel worried/concerned abt what is happening in this photograph.

Do yall know what is happening in this pic?
a) some sort of alternative sacrificial human ceremony (if u kill 2 altbros, u will be rewarded with 1 buzzband (2.5 solid mp3s)
b) an episode of Real World-Road Rules ‘the Duel’ being filmed
c) filming of ‘Where the Wild Bros Are‘
d) Some sort of zany new gimmick at a music festival
e) a ‘circle jerk’
f) watching prostitutes have sex, kinda like at the end of ‘Requiem for a Dream’
g) filming a zany indie music video
h) a bro lost his wayfarers / klondike bar
i) a Dan Deacon concert ‘bein all zany’
j) something involving the outdated video meme ‘the hipster olympics’
k) ‘tryouts’ for a homosexual adult film startup
l) a zany challenge on the popular television show ‘Man Vs. Food’
m) people trying 2 win tickets to the GrizzBear+Anco vh1 ‘duets’ performance from a local radio station
n) overwhelmed + confused by this picture
o) nvr going 2 an indie concert again
p) pix from the latest HRO reader meetup in suburbia
q) the ‘initiation’ of a member into a ’street gang’
r) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Feeling very concerned about the health and well-being of the ppl in this picture.
Do yall know what is happening in that pic? Would srsly appreciate it if some1 explained.

Recommended Related HRO Post
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/08/save-america-end-obesity.html

Boxed wine, usually the brand FRANZIA, means a lot of different things 2 a lot of different people. To a lonely, abused wife in Ohio, it might be her only escape to the high class world of France (an escape from the bruises her husband gives her). To a French person, it might ‘taste like urine.’ To a group of tweens, it might be ‘the only way 2 get drunk’ [via aloof parents' refrigerator]. To a group of alts, it might be a cost effective way to get tons of bros hammered while chilling all day in a park. Seems like a universal drink, sorta like ‘Coca Cola.’

I don’t rlly know that much abt wine. U could probably give me some kool aid mixed with beer, and I would probably think it was wine. Not sure why it is good/what makes it good (I have never seen Sideways). It seems like Franzia is a meaningful brand, like every1 know what it is…sorta like the Bud Light/Miller Lite of wines. Might try it.

Might sit around and play ‘UNO’ with all of my bros in a public space under the natural lite of the sun. The area will not have wifi, so no1 will bring a lappy, but some1 might bring an iPod + speaker dock.

Might pretend I am a popular bloghouse DJ who pours Franzia into fans’ moufs.

Might make a joke that my ‘cock’ has morphed into the spout of a Franzia box. Might make a joke about homosexuality.

Might morph into a bro who is in college, looking to get attention at a party, and build a Franzia Box costume, and put a ‘glory hole’ in my costume.

What does Franzia mean to yall? Do yall think it is tasty? Ironic? Fun? Cost-effective? Better than Sparks? Better than beer? Pussy water?
Do yall ever have picnics in public parks where u r the only alt people around, and all of the mainstream families look at you like you are ‘a group of aliens’?
What’s ur fave way to get ‘drunk’/'fucked up’?
What does ‘Grey Goose Blood Vodka’ taste like? Seems hi class. Have only seen AltCelebs drinking it.

Is Franzia ‘the next big alt beverage’? [via sparks/PBR/miscellaneous music event alcohol sponsor]

I feel like I can identify with box wine bc it challenges existing design norms [via bottles].
Have heard that drinking Franzia is ‘basically like a homeless man drinking rubbing alcohol’ to get fucked up. Trying 2 get an internship as a sommelier after watching Top Chef.

I am not sure what sort of ‘bro’ this is, or if this is some sort of creature from an alternative underworld. I am ‘insanely confused’ by this creature’s anatomy–unable to tell what the creature is ‘all about.’ From what I can tell, this creature is made up of the following parts:

• part ‘ghey’
• part ‘male’
• part ‘female’
• part ‘ram’/'billy goat’

He seems like he might be a ‘local celebrity’ in a thriving ‘homosexual/transgendered’ community. Possibly he is a ‘party kid’ like the now deceased Michael Alig, best known from the movie ‘The Party Monsters’ as a bro who ‘chopped up another bro’, even though they both just ‘wanted 2 partie and get fucked up.’

I am not sure where the whole ‘party scene’ is going. I think that maybe ‘dancing’ might be dying again, especially now that MJ is dead. Seems like a great time for conceptual core music/fuzz-blog-post-wave to ‘emerge’ as the most listened to music of the next era. Remember ‘the electro jungle’ gimmick?

Not sure if this creature is supposed to be ‘friendly’ or perhaps some sort of ‘predator’ who kills mnstrms when they try to party. Think he might be about ‘murder’ and ‘beauty’ since he has a gun + blowdryer tatty set. Might be ‘a think piece’ who just wants u 2 question ur own humanity/beastialitie. Wonder what my ‘tranny-power-animal’ would be [via the Fight Clubs].

Please feel free to look at a picture of a ‘white peen covered in black paint’ at this location. Think it might be a metaphor for ‘wanting a larger shaft.’

I think the worst part about being a girl is having a protective father. Ever since I entered my tweenage years, he has been very protective of my body. I think he didn’t want me to turn into ‘a lil slut’ or something like that, and now that I am grown up, I understand what he was trying to protect. He wanted me to be his lil girl forever. He didn’t want me to be a ‘woman’ who was ‘mad objectified’ by miscellaneous men and bros. Sorta wish I had a ‘cool dad’ instead of an ‘overprotective father.’

When women ‘cover up’, it’s because they have a high level of self-respect. I remember when God was still sculpting my breasts from ‘tween ant mounds’ into ‘beautiful, sweet titties.’ I was unsure of my own body. Would I be ‘flat’? Would I be ‘hot’? Maybe in the end, it didn’t matter. Maybe if I move to ‘the middle east’, I might become ‘a better person’ since I will ‘keep my shit sacred’ [via covered up]. Just want a man who ‘loves me’ to see ‘my goods.’

For a while I felt embarrassed that my parents only let me wear 1 piece bathing suits, and then when I bought my bikini, they made me wear a tank top underneath. It’s weird how my parents just wanted to protect me, and my body, and possibly my own body image. Not sure if it was ‘for the best’ because I went through a rebellious phase [via drugs, sex, and bloghaus].

Sorta just wanna be confident in who I am–not give a shit about societal fashion norms, and try to carve out my own personal brand in this zany world of ours.

Please use the comments section of this post to share your own stories of dealing with ur body image, ur protective father, and growing up in the modern, sexual world.

I remember back when I was a pre-alt, before the modern version of ‘alt’ had ironed itself out, there was a popular song by the band Ladytron called “Seventeen.” In the song, the lead singer says that girls are more desirable when they are 17, and when they are 21, no1 is interested in them. It felt better when u were under the age of 16 hearing that song, thinking that u were about to enter the prime of ur life. Then u turn 17… 18… 21 … 25 …. 30…. 35… 39 … 45…. 50… birthday after birthday… and ur whole life is behind u.

Can’t believe that my best days are behind me. Wonder if I feel ‘more attracted’ to ‘barely legal babez.’ Wonder why they say that girls are ‘no longer in demand’ if they get too old. Is it because of wear and tear? Damaged goods? Sloppie Seconds? Just trying 2 understand. ‘Nvr wanna grow up.’ – Peter Pan [via Mike Jax]

Do yall remember before electro/bloghouse when all alt-ish electro music was ‘grimey’ and ’somewhat industrial’? Miss those days. Back before ______ invented the remix.

How old r u? When was the prime of ur life? Miss those days.

I remember back in 2k7/2k8, when all u had 2 do was wear a leather jacket to get a lil tug job. I h8 how the ’scene’ has evolved. Wish I could go back 2 my altbro prime. Wish I could ‘get tugjobs’ ‘very easily’ from entry level alts who were just ‘looking to fit into a scene’ by being sexually active with

I miss the days when girls hadn’t already ‘touched too many peens’ and were still ‘delighted’ to meet urs. h8 growing up. h8 having 2 deal with some1’s past.

everything
is
changing.

Previous Tugjob Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/tugjobs

Previous alt Penises
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/penises

I might select an iconic staple from my youth, and try to utilize it in a way that helps me reconnect with my past. Probs gonna do this with the popular network of characters spawned by Nintendo’s classic game Super Mario Bros. Those bros have been there with me through everything. Sorta think that Super Mario Kart is pretty chill.

It would be chill to chil with Toad again / get a tugjob from Princess Toadstool.

Photos via VillageVoice

Might find a ghey version of Donkey/Diddy Kong who is some sort of sexie cage/gogo dancer.

Probs gonna chill with Wario or something.

Thinking about chilling down a pipe and never returning, ending up in some chill ass world where I can run free, jumping and collecting coins.

Miss the days when I could ‘escape’ and just play a video game. Can’t believe I am ‘grown up’ now and people are doing ‘fun shit’ like having Mario Partiez. Feels ‘not very real.’ I want 2 curl up in a ball and pretend that I am a child again. I am scared of life. I am scared of my retirement plan/real problems.

What type of ‘ironic’ vintage party would yall have 2 connect with ur past?

Yall. I know that most people who seem ‘arab’/'islam’/'muslim’/whatever generalized term for people from the Middle East-ish/India/Pakistan/Afghanny are NOT terrorists. But srsly…do yall feel like as Americans, u sort of ‘fear’ people who seem a lil bit too ethnic. Would u ever party with a bro who u racially profiled, or do u just try to party with people who are your colour + 1 blipster + 1 azn + 1 half-mexi? Do u think that ‘white people’ just manage to fit in the most?

Wonder if partying with ‘the enemy’ would land me in Guantanamo Bay [via Shawkshank/Harold and Kumar].

Wonder why I feel so obsessed with racial issues. I feel excessively paranoid, like I might be ‘racist’ deep down, and there is nothing I can do to ‘unteach’ myself.

Have u ever been boarding a flight, and u look around for the ‘bro who seems like the most likely to light his shoe-bomb on fire and take the plane down’? Feel like it is usually some sort of Arab person, or a bro who is dressed like he is from the Middle East, or a very suspicious normal looking bro who is probably some sort of medical student. I feel weird when they see u looking at them, and they are like ‘fuck u bro. I’m not a terrorist. My family is richer than urs and I have a better education than u.’ It makes me feel hella guilty.

Yall. is there something wrong with me? Or am I just ‘a stupid american’ who went 2 public school? Feel worried that I am not ‘globally aware’ enough even though I studied abroad in Europe/Boston.
Srsly though… would u partie with a terrorist? What would u do? Which terrorist would u partie with? Is George W. Bush still a terrorist, or is he a chill bro now?

Yall. Feeling confused. Not exactly sure what that white powder is in this picture. I have a key that I keep in my backpack to unlock the door with after school, but have never applied some sort of powder to it.

What is happening in that picture?
a) doing a key bump of coke
b) partying
c) getting ‘retarded’
d) bad life decisions
e) using ur student loan/scholarship on drugs
f) trying 2 take ur partying existence 2 the next level.
g) having a lock that will only open with some sort of magic powder
h) something about ‘weed’
i) party in the Midwest where people are addicted 2 meth
j) backstage in an altCeleb dressing room
k) battling depression with crushed up lexapro/xanny
l) worried about the underground economy/Obama’s broken promises abt not legalizing drugs
m) terrorist mailing some1 anthrax
n) some1 committing suicide with white powder that kills u
o) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Have yall ever done cocaine?
What does it ‘feel like’?

Previous drug coverage
[acid][marijuana][poppers][blow off iphone]