Lorde shows off her bangin bikini body! Canoodles with sexi AZN bro!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

lorde bikini photo body
Lordy Lord how I ABSOLUTELY love LORDE!

She's DEF on my breakoutartists to watch of of 2014 list! We will DEFANATELY never be royals, bb! The closest I've ever been 2 being a royal is getting a job at Burger King. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE whoppers, but at the end of the day, I gained 50 lbs working there for about a year. I really need to learn ur #DIET_TIPS so that I can get a hot, sexi body just like u! Maybe if I start hitting the gym, I will get a hunk AZN BF, too.

U look good LordeBB!

Ur AZN bf is a TOTAL hunk! What an absolute HOTTIE McHotHot! I used to date an AZN man, but eventually he attempted to human traffic me. Fortunately, because of my massive weight, it was hard for him to sell me to any1 AND transport me between his network of motels, basements, and crawl spaces in the greater New Mexico/Arizona area. In a way, I was sorta depressed that I couldn't help him with his business venture. i DEFANATELY have #DADDIE_ISSUES. LOL

Where'd u get ur bikini, bb? that's SO 90s. I love LOVE LOVE the 90s. They are DEF rlly 'in', bb!

Honestly, ur body is defanately NOT perfect, which is why I like u so much. ur so #REAL, bb! I am such a loser, I will nvr be perfect either, so u def inspire me. I never wanna be a royal with u. <3 <3 <3

Larry Gaga who? #TeamLorde
White BFs who? #TeamAZNbf
Black BFs who? #TeamYellowBFs

NSFW: Selena Gomez shows off her SeXi BUTT WEDGIE, BANGIN BIKINI BOD!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

selena gomez butt wedgie
Selena Gomez has the FIRMEST, TIGHTEST booty butt in the world!

Pull out the wedgie, bb!

That honestly reminds me of me, except recently I've had to start wearing adult diapers. Due to my weight problem, I am no longer able to control my bowels. I uncontrollably poo and pee any time of the day, which is very sad. It'll be so awkward when the room begins to smell, and I'll know that I have another surprise to clean up. Adults diapers ride up my ass, so I DEFANATELY know how u feel, Selena bb.

Ur SO STRONG to have moved on from Justin. I am proud of u for not gaining any weight, bc when a guy breaks up with me, I can't help but eat bags and bags of Totino's Pizza Rolls. They are just like a lil pizza exploding in ur mouth. I honestly become addicted to them. I don't know why Pizza Hut doesn't sell them bc that would be my #kryptonite
selena gomez fat bikini
Ur a BEAUTAFUL singer, actress, and celeb.

We should do dinner soon and talk about how to keep wedgies out of our butts. But of course, ur butt is way smaller than mine. I can hardly squeeze into the booth at McDonalds any more. :-( Maybe I need to start eating #SaladShakers #Ranch #diet #lifestyle #fitness

Follow me on instagram if ur reading this Selena I just 'liked' ur last photo.

Lana Del Rey goes 2 Target, buys fan

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

lana del rey target
Lana BB! Is that u @ Target? (I call it Tar-gzay bc it is much fancier than WalMart).

I think that Target is right by my apartment! I actually used to work there. Well, I actually just wore a red shirt and walked around helping ppl because I thought if I did a good enough job, they would hire me. It is very hard to get a job when you are arrested bc ur stupid exBF turned ur apartment into a meth lab. It honestly stays on your record what feels like FOREVER (30 years).

I love shopping at Target, except it is a lil bit pricey 4 me. It honestly sucks to shop at WalMart, but at least they make good clothes for great big Fatty McFatFats like me. Most of their clothes come with a very COMFY and FUNCTIONAL elastic waistband. It honestly helps me be more #active and #fit.

The truth is, no 1 will EVER love me when I'm no longer young and beautaful because I never really was beautaful when I was young. I honestly think I have an undiagnosed thyroid problem that allows me to retain lots of water weight. It makes me sad 2 think that I was born 2 die, tho. <3 #ThankULana

BBy! I need a fan too! I live in an apt without air conditioner. My landlord said he would get me a window unit, but he is a LIAR. I honestly sweat me ASS OFF, but at the same time, I think it helps me loose weight. In a way, my house is sorta like a #sauna. #VIP #jetsetter #rich #famous #fancie

But I srsly have a question 4 u. Do u know what I'm supposed 2 do if I have SUMMERTIME SADNESS all year long? #Depressed

U look good LDR BB! Gaga who? #teamlana
Kitty Perry who? #TeamLDR I'm gonna hear U roar, LanaBB!

Let's meetup at Target sometime. They have Pizza Hut there. #yum

NSFW: Kim Kardashian shows off her BANGIN BABIE WEIGHT BOOTIE

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

kim kardashian baby weight loss diet
Kim BB! How've u been? I LOVe LOVE LOOOOVE the sideb00b and the #b00tie.

Babie Weight who? #TeamDiet

I wish we'd hang out sometime so u could tell me how u lost ur baby weight. I honestly havent evn had a babie, but I still need to lose lots of weight. I know u DEF have the secrets.

Do u think I should stop eating Little Caesar's Hot N Readies? But they are SO yummie!

I honestly wish nothing but the best 4 u and Kanye. He is my FAVE rapper and my DREAM MAN. U r lucky that u got to make a baby with him. The last time I made a baby with a man, he pushed me down the stairs #diy_aborsh
It was honestly a sad time in my life, but I know that I can share in ur joy 4 North West.

Ur babie is DEFANATELY gonna be a Hottie McHotHot just like u!

My butt is as big as urs, except I am huge and it is flat and not attractive and no one is interested in seeing it.

I've never let a man see me in the nude. I make him turn off the lights. #emberrsed

let me know if ur family is hiring a house maid because i got fired. okay ttyl bye Kim

NSFW: Miley Cyrus rides a slutwave & a wrecking ball 'in the n00d'!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Miley BB!! Ur new video for 'Wrecking Ball' is totally #SO_TURNT_UP!

Honestly every1 is talking shit about you but I think you know, but i am still honestly on #TeamMiley. They are HATING on u about the VMAs, but I honestly think that that was the best performance in VMA history, and I've been watching all 40 years of it. U have an AMAZING core. Have u been doing zumba, bb? I definitely need to get #toned. #Crossfit.

I think it is BEUATAFILL that you find a way to show off ur SIDEBOOB and ur UNDERBOOB at the same time. I need to get a tattoo soon too to #expressmyself but last time I got one the artist used a heated up clotheshanger and I got Hep C. :-(

I honestly believe ur body is a temple, and I honestly worship ur body. If I had that #BANGIN_BOD, I would def be at the pool at my apt complex every day bc guys would offer me so many Bud Light Lima-A-Ritas. Right now I have to buy my own and I love lovE LOVE getting buzzed on them, but I am so hungover the next day. Dr. Oz says its cuz of the shoogar, but I really need to start a better way of life. #mixology

Kewt CheeChees, bb!

At the end of the day, ur body still looks amazing. Ur chee chees are in GREAT shape. I honestly wish I had shown mine off more at your age. THese days, they are floppier than pancakes in an iHop dumpster.

I think it is so sexi that u lick cold, hard steel. Whenever a man is around me, it is usually soft, floppy goo. (His penis, that is). What can I say, I'm a pleaser. I'll still suck on it and luck it, but it is just as worthless as a piece of Bubble Yum

I really wish I had a better body like Miley so that more men would lay it down on me, but also, cuddle with me.

All of the people saying miley is a SLUT need to back off. I think it is bauteaful that she has #DISCOVERED her body and #SEXUALITY.

Honestly Miley,
U look good, bb!
and that's all that matters.
Trust me, as some one who LOOKS RLLY BAD, bb! :-(

Please tweet at me if you see this Miley.

Help me

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Help me. Please.