Does 'Raising Global Awareness' really even work [via social media]?

Don't u h8 it when you notice tons of lamestreamers 'sharing', social media-ing, and #trending some dumb hashtag, and u totally don't care, but then ur like "UGH I guess I'll watch it" and then it turns out to be some 30 minute over-branded documentary-style advertorial raising awareness about some global issue that sorta harshed your vibes, not because you don't support the liberation of all people, but because of the way it was presented as some sort of 'web trend' for tweens and internet lamestreamers to share and discuss?

For me, the internet does not represent a place where I should be inspired to instigate social and/or global change. It is more like a place for retarded self-reflection + high-end time wasting, which is why I T00ootally h8 #STOPKONY & #KONY2012.

From what I understand from 'power skimming' thru this video, there is some sort of 'non-profit' called Invisible Children, started by some bro who went to Uganda. He met some kids in Uganda, and they were all like "This unchill bro named Joseph Kony makes us kill ppl and kills us." Anyways, since the guy had so much white guilt, he dedicated his life 2 educating 'young people' about how Kony is a bad man. He made some 30 minute video where he uses his child as a narrative device 2 make us question, "Why is the world unfair and why is there evil in it and why can't we do anything abt it, daddy?"

Invisible Children tells us that we can do something about it.

We can tweet hashtags at these cultural tastemakers, yall!

We can purchase swag / merch that merges the spirit of Livestrong bracelets with the spirit of Obama hope-wave iconography.

Apparently the who goal is to 'make Joseph Kony famous' so that ppl will know he is a 'bad, bad man', which is more-or-less true, but it is just interesting to see the branding of a social media 'legend' when #Kony doesn't even have a web presence. Basically, Invisible Children has 'masterfully' created a branded social media project where they #slutshamed and #cyberbullied Joseph Kony, and no one really knows 'the facts', just that they watched a persuasive/inspirational video that allows them to believe that they 'are an active part of making the world a better place', instead of just staring at a computer screen and consuming C-rate content.

There is also a tier of 'backlash' that says these ppl are just manipulating the masses for $$$ and don't even know what the eff they are talking abt and/or how to use the money that they are receiving. Sometimes I wish that u could just google 4 the absolute truth instead of having 2 sort thru 'think pieces' :-(

If only all children had the right to consume social media, retweet, and utilize their credit cards to donate to entrepreneurial ventures.

WHO IS JOSEPH KONY?
JOSEPH KONY IS THE WORLD’S WORST WAR CRIMINAL. IN 1987 HE TOOK OVER LEADERSHIP OF AN EXISTING REBEL GROUP AND RENAMED IT THE LORD’S RESISTANCE ARMY (LRA).

THE LRA HAS EARNED A REPUTATION FOR ITS CRUEL AND BRUTAL TACTICS. WHEN JOSEPH KONY FOUND HIMSELF RUNNING OUT OF FIGHTERS, HE STARTED ABDUCTING CHILDREN TO BE SOLDIERS IN HIS ARMY OR “WIVES” FOR HIS OFFICERS. THE LRA IS ENCOURAGED TO RAPE, MUTILATE, AND KILL CIVILIANS–OFTEN WITH BLUNT WEAPONS.

THE LRA IS NO LONGER ACTIVE IN NORTHERN UGANDA (WHERE IT ORIGINATED) BUT IT CONTINUES ITS CAMPAIGN OF VIOLENCE IN DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO, CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC, AND SOUTH SUDAN. IN ITS 26-YEAR HISTORY, THE LRA HAS ABDUCTED MORE THAN 30,000 CHILDREN AND DISPLACED AT LEAST 2.1 MILLION PEOPLE.

Apparently the video has gone 'mad viral', but I'd guess that most people only watched about 34% of it because it is 30 minutes. Most sharable content should be 'as short as possible', but the duration of the video probably represents some sort of time/emotional investment based on 'internet standards.' Then there is also some 'deep, informative-looking' website that has the aesthetic brand of 'looking rlly important and factual.'

Does #KONY2012 integrate 'social media' with 'the human spirit', or is this just some sort of 'feel good meme' that ppl can share, discuss and retweet in order to feel like they aren't sharing cats and nude photos every day?

Do u h8 ppl who share links and ideas on the internet as if they 'mean something' and/or can fairly impact reality?
Do u care abt Kony?
Is he just some meme 4 lamestreamers?
Is a 'web trend' even a valuable cultural experience?
Are philanthropic memes the best 'Get Rich Quick' schemes possible?

Is Kony even a 'threat'/risk/chilling in Uganda? [link]

Following a successful campaign by the Ugandan military and failed peace talks in 2006, the LRA was pushed out of Uganda and has been operating in extremely remote areas of the DRC, South Sudan, and the Central African Republic -- where Kony himself is believed to be now. The Ugandan military has been pursuing the LRA since then but had little success (and several big screw-ups). In October last year, President Obama authorized the deployment of 100 U.S. Army advisors to help the Ugandan military track down Kony, with no results disclosed to date.

Additionally, the LRA (thankfully!) does not have 30,000 mindless child soldiers. This grim figure, cited by Invisible Children in the film (and by others) refers to the total number of kids abducted by the LRA over nearly 30 years. Eerily, it is also the same number estimated for the total killed in the more than 20 years of conflict in Northern Uganda.

Do I even care abt Uganda?
Could I even locate Uganda on a map, and if I could, would it help me become more 'employable' 2 save the American economy?

Is Joseph Kony being cyberbullied by an unfair social media campaign?
Do u wish u were the Invisible Children bro so that u could make 'sick looking films' that made u look like u understood 'humanity' because of the # of views that they got?
Does 'going viral' rlly mean that u have 'resonated' with 'the cultural landscape'?
Are ppl more interested in 'stopping Kony', or 'marveling' at 'the power of social media' 2 raise awareness about some sort of arbitrary Third World Problem that no1 actually cares abt?
Is 'Invisible Children' the best philanthropically branded scam since TOMS shoes?
Are ppl who think that they can 'change the world' the most self-obsessed ppl in the world?

If u could change the world by purchasing a t-shirt, would u do it?
Do u want to #StopKony enough 2 retweet the link 2 a video?
Will #StoppingKony make the world a better place?
What's the difference between 'retweeting' a topic and 'actually caring' abt a topic?
Do u h8 when Middle Americans try to act like they are 'in touch with the Third World' by arbitrarily selecting a buzz topic to be 'passionate about', then loosely googling for 'facts' that 'bolster' their 'arguments' via pseudo-informed 'discussion'?

While Joseph Kony may be responsible for the slaughtering of over 30,000 people in Uganda, he will always be remembered as the Warlord who entered the mainstream cultural zeitgeist in hashtag form, winning the battle for the 'trend of the day' on March 7, 2012. He killed 30k IRL humans, but on the flipside, he SLAUGHTERED over 50 million views on the net. Don Cheadle is reportedly in talks to play Kony in an upcoming biopic called 'Hotel Uganda.'

Photos by LNP

Things have been going pretty well for me lately. After so many false starts, I've finally decided that my passion lies in business and marketing. I recently obtained a marketing internship with a relevant liquor/adult alcoholic beverage brand. I was told by the man who interviewed me that I had the opportunity to grow within the company, and even the regional manager started on the LIVE Events Marketing Street team. Basically what I do is go to events and try to raise brand awareness, getting people PUMPED about the brand. It's been very fun, rewarding work, and I am excited to add a line of premium professional experience to my resume.

On top of all that, I adore the girls that I work with. Sometimes we have so much fun that it doesn't even feel like work.

The camaraderie actually reminds me of my short stint as a stripper when I initially turned 18. Although the stripper locker room eventually led me to a meth addiction, and I ended up in an emotionally abusive relationship with my 43 year old manager, I still miss the way the girls all took care of one another. It also helped to familiarize me with 'pasties,' and how to effectively cover your nipples/areolas.

I love marketing and advertising. I love #interfacing with people and customers, leveraging my knowledge to get them up to speed with the brand. I work with a product that I ACTUALLY consume, a product that I am passionate about.

The only time I ever worry is when I think that people might be able to see my cooch.

It's actually the perfect job for me. I understand that SEX SELLS, so I have the BRAINS and the BODY to really be the best brand ambassador that I can be.

Have I mentioned that I love the girls that I work with? The body paint artist Julio has also been amazing to work with.

It's been a really exciting era of my career, and I'm certain that before I know it, I'll be wearing a suite and marching into a huge office in the Big City. Right now I'm young, and I'm trying to have fun and build a career for myself. I love brands, sponsorships, and partying on the job. I know that sometimes men sexually harass me, but I am fortunate to have a BANGIN BOD where I can have this dreamjob.

After we are done tonight, me and the girls are gonna take a shower, wash up

Have u ever had a relevant marketing internship?
Do u <3 alcohol girls?
Do u <3 branded street teams?
Do u <3 body painted broads with BANGIN BODS?

HIPSTER RUNOFF is not a part of the Corrupt Indie Machine, and does not have the resources to handle a full time tech dept, CTO, helpdesk, or web guru. This means that HIPSTERRUNOFF.com can sometimes be 'hella slow', but it doesn't rlly matter because we do it for the Passion of the Buzz.

'The server' has been 'effing bombarded' with SPAM bots, drastically reducing overall performance and page load time. Due to a series of faulty, inefficient SPAM filters, the commenting experience on HIPSTER RUNOFF has suffered. It seemed as though for a time, HIPSTER RUNOFF became a place 4 ppl who wanted 2 buy UGG boots or something. There are still more things we r trying 2 do 2 'fix'/improve 'the server,' but we were unprepared for the MASSIVE BUZZ that HIPSTER RUNOFF would receive during the #Lana_Del_rey_Buzz_Monsoon.

HIPSTER RUNOFF has introduced a new CUSTOM #state_of_the_art commenting system. I'm not sure how it works, but apparently u can 'login' with FB/twitter/google/openID, but more importantly, every1 can still leave anonymous, trolling comments. We believe that the Brononymous commenters are some of the most valuable community members.

Hopefully this can also lead to an 80% increase in random ppl who are leave a cmmnt that says, 'This site is terrible. I hope the writer of this blog post is not serious. This is the most hateful piece of garbage that I have evr read in my entire life.

Thank you to HIPSTER RUNOFF premium users like Ryan Schreibro, Altyosha Karamazzie, Broganic Chemist, Brosuf Gordon Levitt, Brobraham Lincoln, Ayn Brand, Derrick Brose, and JakeFogelnest for keeping HRO premium comment buzz alive during the Commenting Dark Ages. Sorry 2 those fallen commenting bros who I have forgotten.

Who are yalls fave commenters on HIPSTER RUNOFF of all time?
Can HIPSTER RUNOFF #revive its authentic commenting community?
Do there need 2 be 'more changes' 2 HIPSTER RUNOFF?
Is HIPSTER RUNOFF The worst designed, worst functioning site on the internet?
Does n e 1 know if Carles even still writes HIPSTER RUNOFF?

Plz leave a comment 2 begin this new, authentic era!

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Buzzband, Company, DJ, Meme

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a blog worth blogging abt, created by Carles that is trying 2 stay relevant. It blogs abt buzzbands, alt_stuff, and memes.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie), HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, blogs and magazines

Read more>>>>

I can't take it any more.

It seems as though my alternative relationship has run its course, and now mainstream forces like jealousy, envy, and communication issues have finally done us in. Our entire relationship has culminated in a 'final showdown' in public, and it will be difficult for me to even show my face in public ever again. We have always had digital privacy issues, and it finally turned into a full-scale fight when I changed my email password, then tweeted at this cute looking girl with the hashtag #hornie4u, even though it was just an inside joke.

I guess when you are in a relationship, you are only allowed to have inside hashtag jokes with one person, or maybe a few select bros. But maybe I wanted this to happen. It hasn't been working for a long time. It was only a matter of time before my alternative relationship imploded and/or exploded.

Maybe it's not supposed to work out between an altbro and an entry-level alt. Maybe a bro and a baguette just can't make it work. I remember how fun things used to be in the beginning. We'd go to shows, dive bars, and crash VIP areas together, thinking that we were taking on the world. We used to GO OUT, we were the fun couple that every one wanted to party with. When I got into this relationship, I knew that she was a passionate hot-head, but I liked that about her. It really backfired.

Now, we don't do anything. We don't even have the heart to say to eachother that our scene is dead, and most of our clothes are dated and/or really cheese. These days, we'll just stay in and watch Netflix Instant Streaming, hiding from the world. We used to think the world was ours, but now, we're afraid to face the world. We're afraid to look at each other in the eyes and see the faces of formerly relevant human beings who never did anything other than 'be alt.'

We had been so convinced that the things we shared on the internet made us who we were, but now it feels like all those memes, think pieces, and indie news were all just a lie. It honestly feels as if our relationship was created on a foundation of consumer-curated cultural identity that never even existed.

We're just 20somethings, searching 4 our free-spirited, creative, alternative career. That can put a lot of stress on a relationship. I want to be supportive, but what if being supportive means giving my partner somewhat deflating, mainstream advice, encouraging them to 'conform' to society in order to buy nice things.

This pain, frustration, and anger that I feel comes from losing some one who I used to genuinely care about: myself. You used to make me feel like myself, but now, I have nothing. I am nothing. Our shared reality has come to a close, and I feel resentful, but excited to create a new 'me' without your worldview or insecurities.

Please stop yelling. It doesn't have to be this way. I swear, what I said to her meant nothing. And that I will always love you. But this just isn't working out.

Why are we so angry?
Why does it feel like the world is ending?
Why do I care so much abt this person?
Should I just go to technical school?
Do I just want to cum inside of people?
Does it always end this way?
Would we be able to make it if we were just mainstreamers?

This is the end of my Meaningful Alternative Relationship.

We could've had it all.

A few days ago, a student named T.J. Lane walked into Ohio's Chardon High School and opened fire.

One victim died Monday. Two others were declared dead on Tuesday. One other remained hospitalized Tuesday. A fifth victim was released, officials said.

He said Lane has admitted taking a .22-caliber gun and a knife into Chardon High School on Monday morning and firing 10 rounds, choosing his victims randomly.

As the internet & news media scrambled to find out more information about TJ Lane, we have found out that he listened to the popular 2k12 hyped indie band Grimes, the latest 'buzz flavor of the month' who is being forced down our throats by the Corrupt Indie Machine.

Recent posts on Lane's Facebook page show him sharing links to music videos from groups like Grimes and Blood on the Dance Floor, listing his sister in his profile and uploading photos of himself.
Yet one long, poetic rant, from December 30, appears to be darker.
The post refers to "a quaint lonely town, (where there) sits a man with a frown (who) longed for only one thing, the world to bow at his feet."
"He was better than the rest, all those ones he detests, within their castles, so vain," he wrote.
Lane then writes about going through "the castle ... like an ominous breeze through the trees," past guards -- all leading up to the post's dramatic conclusion.
"Feel death, not just mocking you. Not just stalking you but inside of you," he writes. "Wriggle and writhe. Feel smaller beneath my might. Seizure in the Pestilence that is my scythe. Die, all of you."
After getting three positive reviews, Lane wrote: "much obliged to all who 'liked' this. Wrote it myself in class one day ..."

Does Grimes inclusion on his FB wall mean that 'mainstream corporate indie' has now reached the mainstream markets of disgruntled alt tweens?

Will Grimes song "Vanessa" forever be known as a school shooting anthem?

comments have been disabled due to ongoing link to the Ohio school shootings. Grimes is a wonderfully talented artist and just because some kid posted this vid before doing what he did shouldn't detract from that. It's unwanted attention and completely unneccessary.

Has Grimes made music that is 'too alt' because it doesn't have a message that normalized mainstream ppl can identify with?

Is this some sort of complex marketing scheme put together by the Corrupt Indie Machine?
Are indie blogs ready 2 talk abt indie imagery and how it can enter the minds of warped teenagers?
Did Grimes inspire TJ Lane 2 feel more isolated & inspire his shooting spree?
Is indie music ruining the mainstream suburban tween experience?
Is TJ Lane just another blogosphere indie consumer and blog music listener?
Who was TJ Lane?

Lane lived with his grandparents and was slow to open up about his personal life, according to friends. While he was known by many around Chardon High School, located 30 miles east of Cleveland, at the time of the shooting he was there to be transported to Lake Academy Alternative School in nearby Willoughby.
The school describes itself as a place for "at risk" students who are "reluctant learners" struggling with problems such as "substance abuse /chemical dependency, anger issues, mental health issues, truancy, delinquency, difficulties with attention/organization, and academic deficiencies."

If TJ Lane was a true indie consumer, would he have realized that school shootings were s000 _ years ago?
Was Columbine the last relevant school shooting buzz bubble?
Or was it that Unchill AZN Bro at Virginia Tech?
Has indie internet subculture gotten 'too dark' because the corporate nature of it makes it all seem like it isn't a scene that you can truly identify with and be inspired by?
Does the indie internet scene help ppl 2 unite and connect, or does it fuel isolation and violence?
Is indie now the 'no1 understands me' music, replacing Linkin Park/Korn/other aggro music?
Are misguided teenagers now guided towards 'internet music' instead of just mainstream radio rocknroll?

HIPSTER RUNOFF's Editors STRONGLY OPPOSE school shootings. There is always some1 out there who wants 2 vibe with u. Always feel free to call our hotline if ur feeling alone. (909) BRO-SKI2.
#ItGetsAlt-er, never give up, no matter how trapped in society

PREVIOUSLY
Is Grimes the next BIG Indie Diva, or an overhyped product of the Corrupt Indie Machine?

Grimes

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Grimes is Claire Boucher, a Canadian bleep bloop singer music project.

Lists: it girls, QTs, Canadian

Read more>>>>

Maybe I've been chasing the wrong relevancy
leading me towards a meaningless life
Where I am desperate 2 acquire cultural currency
in the name of 'relevancy.'

Maybe it's all a lie
The Corrupt Indie Machine
and the Corrupt Content Farm Economy
Ruining all of our vibes.

On a spiritual journey
My entire life has fallen apart
Trying 2 find something...
Something real...
Something worth believing in...
Something worth fighting 4...

I'm just a part of the problem
trapped inside the fences of my own content farm
Searching 4 the ultimate BANGIN BOD
The Unforgettable Meme
2 share and be shared 4eaeae

On a Spiritual Journey 4 relevancy
Relevant Relevancy
Authentic Relevant Relevancy
Timeless Authentic Relevant Relevancy
Transcendent Trimeless Authentic Relevant Authentic Relevancy
Pure-Vibed Transcendent Timeless Authentic Relevant Authentic Relevancy
Meaningful Pure-Vibed Transcendent Timeless Authentic Relevant Authentic Relevancy

Do u believe it is somewhere out there?

Goodnite, Cruel World.

Memes Via Rock, Crackle, Pop: If Music Stars Had Cereals
These fantasy cereals are a good source of high-fiber funny

The Music Buzzosphere Blogosphere
Is a Crazy, Cruel Place
Dropping MP3s, memes, news, thoughts, ideas
into a deep, monetized well

This is our Utopia
an abstract space that we tell ourselves represents 'modern culture'
We are kings
in control of the masses who are desperate for clickable culture

Maybe we are all kids who are wearing pumped up kicks
running as fast as we can
to avoid being fostered ppl...

It's u, it's u, it's all just trying to generate content 4 u
But maybe it's not abt 'the love of music' any more
attempting to be the ultimate percolator of buzz

Sometimes all we can do
is manufacture a box of memes
4 lamestreamers who are 'on the go' 2 snack on 4 breakfast.

Even if it is a bit Korny [via dubstep originators]
maybe this is all we have left

Maybe there is nothing left

We are all trying 2 win the internet
Get 'mad followers'
Utilize metric to prove that we are 'influencers'
Playing the role of the ultimate cultural commentator
Utilizing humor, seriousness, but most importantly, memeness

Sigh...
I can't go 4 that...
No can do...

She is truly
a blogeater
[via content consumer, sharer, disposer]

Pop Culture is a cruel, cruel monetization pyramid scheme
Do u have the drive 2 compete?
Content Farm 2 Content Farm
4 the most hits possible
Every website must begin to become a 'one stop destination'
4 lamestreamers
who will load our website
while we are bored

The way we consume music has chngd
bc no1 even cares abt music
It's only abt meme, celebrity, and pseudo-controversy
As some1 who doesn't care abt authentic music journalism
Some displays of content farmian do not make me cry for 'the death of music journalism'
but instead for those who are trapped
chasing dreams of 'writing' in the name of farming

It's hard 2 even know what the blogosphere even is any more
What is a magazine, blog, webzine, tumblr, kickstarted zone blog
Would my dead son who fell off a balcony
know my name if he saw my box of cereal meme in heaven?

I guess the White Stripes were right...
It doesn't even matter if u make good music
all u need is a song that people can hum
[via "DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNN DUNN DUNN DUNN" being the defining sound of Jack White's career]

There is truly nothing left here.

Oh Feisty...
She did not ask 4 this...
Even she 'gave up' after her hit 1st album
tired of being processed as a mainstream mega meme

Perhaps we should all be placed
in a Special Victims Unit

Searching for some Blog & Order
Inside the massive ass of my wife
while I eat her butt hole

Perhaps we have all been doing it wrong
and the future of the indie musicsphere is not in
'blurbs', 'think pieces' and 'EXCLUSIVE mp3s'
but instead
in the boxes of cereal

perhaps these boxes each contain the ultimate prize
the golden content
which upholds music journalism authenticity

'When I Grow Up, I Want to be a Content Farmer for Rolling Stone.'
-Almost Famous 2: The Fall of Authentic 'Music and/or Culture Writing'

Did 'culture' ever even exist
or should we all just go 2 Africa
and let spooky witch doctors control our vision of culture
instead of 'deep pocketed marketing teams and major brands'

In the name of content
What more in the name of content?

It was a beautiful day [via the farm]
Don't let it get away.

Do 'music journalism' dream jobs exist, or has every1 just turned into a 'content farm strategist'?
Is there any point in 'being creative' and making things 4 'the web'?
Is there such thing as a 'music journalism dream job' any more, or is the web fueled by demented ppl who are self-obsessed, yet channel that obsession towards 'crap that doesn't matter' like culture consumption?
Do u evr get tired of 'consuming culture'/memes on the web?
Is it all ovr?
Should we all just get full time jobs at Enterprise RentACar and stop worrying abt buzz, cultural commentary, and keeping up with today's big meme?
Should we all just 'effing off ourselves'?
Is the web the most progressive place 2 publish new thoughts and ideas, or should we all just write with our own feces on the wall of a bathroom?
Do u ever just see the web as a flat, dead place where lamestreamers are supposed 2 mindlessly click?
Do U hAvE AnY ZaNy BuZzBaNd CeReAL iDeAs?

Is this it?

Goodnite, Cruel World.

[MP3]
Grimes Vanessa
Grimes Oblivion

Many alts and alt blogs have been forced to search for bands and humans to buzz now that the Lana Del Rey slutshaming era is over. It seems like Grimes has capitalized on this void of content, slipstreaming into the alternative zeitgeist, discussed far and wide by ppl who are 'so into indie' that they always have to have some fringe buzzband to overanalyze. The only question is: Is Grimes' buzz organic, cultivated on a free-range artistic content farm, or is she the newest overhyped human buzz meme who the Corrupt Indie Machine is trying to force down our throats?

Grimes is Claire Boucher, some girl from Canada who dropped out of McGill University bc she was too free spirited 4 classes. Her music sounds like a baby voice goo goo gaa gaa-ing over some bleep bloop music.

What makes Grimes 'buzzworthy'? Her unique look? Her music? Her artsyfartsyness? Her crusty past? Her fashionmusability?

More importantly, we must determine if Claire Boucher is an indie diva who has reached Vicki LeGrand, Alice Glass, Sexi Lexi Krauss, Caroline Polachek, Maddie Follin-level alt status, or does she still need 2 prove herself AND her bangin bod?

Here is a breakdown of the strengths of Grimes in relations to the current buzzgeist:

Her live show is 'conceptual' [via 1 woman bleep bloop band]. You can see that she has a potentially BANGIN BOD, but also a Panda Bearian stage presence, rushing to turn nobs, press buttons, and emit bleep bloops out of her bleep bloop machines. It is clear to see that her unique personal brand and stage presence make her INDIE BLOG J.O. material, not just for the predominantly male blogosphere, but the, "OMG I'd love to be her friend"-wave female blogosphere who basically support anything where a female 'looks cool' so they can be all like "Props 2 a girl who is doin her thang! #Big_Thangs_Poppin"

She may eventually face the 'Toro Y Moi' problem, where you have to eventually hire an entire backing band to appeal to mainstreamers who have to experience everything with the 'full-band' experience.

Her music is 'decent enough', but at the same time, 'bad enough' to be overhyped by lofi tastemakers. Sorta tried to stream her album to see if there was anything worth 'writing home about', but it is the standard conceptual bleep bloop band with only one or two 'half decent' songs that aren't even THAT listenable, but I would probably put them on a mix CD for some girl who wanted to 'feel artsy', like she was listening to 'the new Bjork', which could be a GREAT angle by which Grimes could present herself in her album cycle.

I know this might sound weird... but I kinda wanna canoodle with Grimes, and get 2 know the REAL Claire Boucher as I give her a 'touch up' on her Skrillex haircut with my clippers.

Her free spirited personal brand means that she can be converted into some sort of 'fashion muse.' As we have learned from LDR, it is important to have a BANGIN BOD that can be commodified, and your music must inspire some random fashion designers 2 find beauty in u, then u can represent a beautiful, free spirit. While Claire Boucher does have elf-like qualities, she is still a bonafide QT, bb!

She has a Skrillex-y haircut, and looks like a futuristic crusty. I'd pay upwards of $20 to go to a concert where I got to stare at her and be like "Is she hot or not, yall? I'm gonna go with an alt 8, perhaps a 10 on the conceptual altbaguette scale."

She is all about 'art'/'being an artist.' Here is some interview where she shows off her meaningful doodles. In order to be taken seriously in the buzzosphere, you have to have deliberate artistic intent (until u write a song sponsored by Mtn Dew/Converse and everything begins 2 fall apart).

She is potentially 'completely insane', ready 2 meltdown. It seems like 'being a buzzband' is the most 'normal, stabilizing thing she could have done with her life. She apparently tried to float down the Mississippi River like a trust crusty homeless person. While many blogspots would say 'that's totally kewl', I feel like we've all had that one crusty friend in HS/college who 'went too far', and you feel like it is only a matter of time b4 they end up dead from trying to trainhop/eating food out of a dumpster one last time.

In 2009, Claire Boucher and a friend from school constructed a 20-foot houseboat, named the "Velvet Glove Cast in Iron," with the intention to sail it down the Mississippi River from Minneapolis to New Orleans. The cargo included chickens, a typewriter, 20 pounds of potatoes and a gifted copy of Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Boucher and her companion adopted the names "Veruschka" and "Zelda Xox" for the trip.[8] Due to engine trouble and subsequent harassment from the Minnesota police, the journey was cut short and the houseboat and chickens were impounded.[9]

Here is a picture of her house boat and crusty Mark Twain-wave Huck Finn Tom Sawyer ass BF. [link to sad/stupid story]

How could such a crusty at heart make such bleepy bloop music?

PREVIOUSLY: Are Crusties the Most Authentic Alts in the World?

She makes for a good interview where she is honest, meaning that there she has not yet constructed a boundary between her 'real self' and the 'Grimes who has to do tons of interviews every day and answer the same crap over and over again.' Eventually, she will say stupid stuff that the blogosphere is able to manufacture into a conflict and/or thinkpiece. Similar to Best Coast, if she is determined to just be a 'dumb bitch' by the end of her first album cycle, we can dedicate the second album cycle to discrediting her artistic intentions.

She has a doomed Twitter brand. It will eventually lead to emotional outbursts, oversharing, displays of rage/jealousy, or general Best-Coastian stupidity [via simplicity].

Do u <3 Grimey BB?

There are so many forces that must have gone into the construction of Grimes. She has been featured in 'mad ad takeovers' on indie blog sites, and she even 'took over' the popular weblog Gorilla Vs Bear.

We may never know the true story behind Grimes... Is she a 'legitimate indie artist' who will rectify the sins of Lana Del Rey, or is she just a flat product who the Corrupt Indie Machine is 'hyping' to prove that they can still 'control the corrupt indie media'?

Do u prefer Claire Boucher or Bobby Boucher [via The Water Boy]?

Is Grimes just 'another pretty face' in indie, or a legitimate indie force?
Is she the buzz flavor of the month, or a Tier 1 Indie Diva?
Do u <3 or h8 Claire Boucher's vibe?
Is Grimes' music 'good', 'great', 'just okay', or 'effing terrible and meaningless'?

Is Claire Boucher's Grimes project 'authentic', or just a creation of the Corrupt Indie Machine?
Is Grimes a 'failed crustie', turning to bleep bloop indie as her last hope?
Or does she truly care about the progression of the bleep bloop with baby voice singing over it genre?
Is Grimes just a mainstream version of Fever Ray/Bjork/etc?
IS Claire Boucher a compensatory representation of the 'spirit of indie' that we thought LDR was, normalizing the forces of the Corrupt Indiesphere back to it's core competency of overhyping a decent/marginally talented artist into an artificial construct of indie fame?

PREVIOUSLY:
CRUSTIES EXPOSED! Behind the alternative subculture's lowest class of dumpster diving people.

Grimes

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Grimes is Claire Boucher, a Canadian bleep bloop singer music project.

Lists: it girls, QTs, Canadian

Read more>>>>

Corrupt Indie Machine

Alternative Celebrity, Alternative Event, Company, Meme

The Corrupt Indie Machine is a massive conspiracy between the Indie Media, Blogs, Buzzbands, Buzz Humans and (Major and Indie) Labels to produce and farm inauthentic, inorganic, artificial buzz.

Lists:

Read more>>>>

Oh Pam...
Sometimes I wish I could be ur Jim...
We could work together at the same office
but we would both be s000 self-aware
and think we were better than every1 else
building our entire relationship upon
the idea that we are s00o0o much better than every1

I would encourage you to do ur artsy stuff
and I would fill u with a baby
We would make faces at one another
when our boss was sillie and dumb

Do you want to be a DJ, Pam?
I'd encourage you to follow ur dreams
We could break out of this sillie office
but at the same time, we sure do love the people here.
What a cast of characters!

We are beautiful 2gether
We both appeal 2 the common Middle American couple
who just want to be a 'tiny bit' more attractive than the common man
2 know that we are truly special

What I'm saying, Pam, is that if u want to be a DJ
you should be a DJ
Play what ever kind of music you want
I'll support u, BB.
I'm ur Jim

Even though you'll go on to dubstep DJ riches
I'll know that we still represent the modern American couple
trapped in a lamestream job
but forced to find quirky beauty in it
because we are basically the same as the other losers.

Oh Pammy Wammy
Ur plain face
Ur secretly curvy body
The way ur hips widen so that u can carry my children

Although ur now a DJ,
I miss the days when I'd lock u in the conference room
and make sweet, sweet love to u b4 ur tummy got all stretch marky

sweet Sassy Molassy!
I am glad I got u that Vicki's Secret gift certificate!

Even though I thought ur ass would widen
from sitting in that office chair every day
eating 3000 calorie lunches at local fast food restaurants
Ur body still looks BANGIN, bb

Oh Pam...

Is 'The Office' a show 4 High End Lamestreamers?
Do u h8 NBC Comedies?
do u <3 or h8 the Office?
Are Jim & Pam the ultimate lamestream couple who 'thinks they are better than every1 else'?
Do u think Jim 'hate fucks' Pam because he wanted his life 2 be better?
Do u hope 2 one day see a Pam DJ set?

Congrats 2 every1 who entered the Vallytine's Day Contest [link]! We r all winners!

WHO DO U THINK IS THE KEUTEST?
Who really 'brought it' and took the game 2 such great heights?

Chillest Alt Cat Viber

Fan's Choice QT: #Born2Luv [determined by FB votes]

I would make it OFFISH with u N E DAY, bb!

I feel so alone on Vallytine's Day Nite...
Can u make it feel like home, if I tell u ur mine

Best New Russell Stover choco bro

Snacks who? #teamCatBro

Bro of the Competition

Authentically Chillest Lil Bro

Most Conceptual BB + Best New ▲

Cat who likes 2 vibe

Editor's Note: This Bro 'offed himself'. RIP, dark bro. We hardly even know who LDR even is any more...

#jimmyjangler


We <3 u! Meet us at Olive Garden, bb!

Loneliest Olive Garden-wave bro

▲▲▲▲▲▲▲

EXTREMELY LIMITED I AM CARLES QUANTITIES AVAILABLE
http://www.iamcarles.com/
http://www.iamcarles.com/
http://www.iamcarles.com/
http://www.iamcarles.com/

Email me pix of U in ur shirt! carleser [at] gmail.com <3 <3

Will u b my #Vallytine?
Where should we go on our Valentine's Nite Date?
Olive Garden, Chili's, Outback, Red Lobster, or ___________?

Carles

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Meme

Carles is the popular blogger from the popular internet website HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Lists: mysterious, indie hunks, HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, chillwave, bloggers

Read more>>>>

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Buzzband, Company, DJ, Meme

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a blog worth blogging abt, created by Carles that is trying 2 stay relevant. It blogs abt buzzbands, alt_stuff, and memes.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie), HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, blogs and magazines

Read more>>>>

Did u watch the Grammys?
Is there any sort of cultural commentary 2 add other than 'famous ppl of various talent levels gave us memes 2 overanalyze, mock, and slutshame'?

THESE ARE THE 2K12 GRAMMYS....

'I wish these were rotisserie chickens' [via hefty_ppl_jokes]

Tonight was the chubwave genre's coming out party.

Guy from Deep Blue Sea hosted [via Deepest Darkest]

Bon Iver won some award that Skrillex should have won. Delivered horrible speech.

'I am not a whore and men are mean 4 lying 2 me abt loving me' -Taylor Swift's simple message of female empowerment

Say what u will abt Chris Brown beating the shit out of Rihanna, but at the end of the day, he's the best in the game in haunting your graphic rape fantasies.

'U like dat ass?' -Slutwave 101 textbook, chapter 32

Adele collabs with some soulpatch-wave, sculted facial hair country singer bros

Adam Levine is truly the hardest twink in the game right now.

The White Stripes reunited.

Kings of Leon looking swole

Mumford and Sons looking 'dapper'

Robyn looking like a fashion disaster/foreign little boy with bowl haircut

I'm not sure why she wore her kinky sex toys 2 the Grammys. Seems classless, trying 2 hard 2 be a slutwaver.

Not sure why Lykke Li was invited. Thought she was just a random female indie artist.

CONTINUE READING GRAMMY RECAP POST AND LOOKING AT ALL OF THE RANDOM PPL --->>>>>

Bon Iver

Alternative Celebrity

Bon Iver is a bearded man from a Midwestern forest who sounds like Bruce Hornsby and once collab-ed with Kanye West.

Lists: indie hunks, beards

Read more>>>>

Skrillex

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Skrillex is a popular dubstep DJ who is arguably the #1 alt DJ in the world.

Lists: indie hunks, Producers, electro, dubstep

Read more>>>>

Last night, indie music made history again when Bon Iver won a Grammy during the mainstream telecast for 'Best New Artist.' However, the Grammys are not just an awards show where indie music fans can say 'indie music has arrived' while watching Nicki Minaj crucify herself on stage, having dry sex with the pope--the Grammys provide us with an opportunity to see 'our two Americas' [via social networks].

While white people often believe that they have created and curated the most authentic, 'connected', and relevant cultural experience, we can always see that there is a 'lower class' of society who aren't just 'poor', but more importantly, not connected to relevant indie buzzbands. Last night, Bonny Bear trended on Twitter. It seems as though the 'lower class' of social network users created an unintentional meme, trying to wrap their heads around Bon Iver, who looked like a lost Midwestern man.

Has Bonny Bear become an important part of society now that he has trended on Twitter?

'Who Be Dat Bonny Bear Ass Fool?' #BlackPplAndTweensWhoMakeThingsTrendOnTwitter

via Brooklyn Vegan

Are 'culturally relevant' ppl 'racist' for making fun of the second class citizens who don't overanalyze indie rock on a daily basis?

Does indie rock only appeal 2 white, affluent ppl?
Do white people think that they are s0oo0o much smarter than poor/black/colored ppl?
Did Bon Iver intentionally dress like a Mr. Holland's Opus-type music teacher who wanted to 'teach lamestream masses' about how they could learn to escape from their sad, sad lives by listening to serene-wave indie music?

Do u <3 the new buzz video by Bonnie Bear?

Do u <3 Bonny Bear?

Will Bonny Bear go mainstream in 2k12?
Is Bonny Bear more popular than Bon Iver?
Should Bon Iver change their name to 'Bonny Bear' to appeal to coloreds and poors who can 'only spell things phonetically' [via the Third World American educational system]?
Does Bon Iver have it all?
Does Bonny Bear have more than Bon Iver?
R u on #TeamBonnyBear or #TeamBonIver?
Are we #slutshaming poors, coloreds, and uneducateds when we create indie centric memes that celebrate 'how effing stupid' people who don't listen to 'relevant white people music' are?

Bon Iver

Alternative Celebrity

Bon Iver is a bearded man from a Midwestern forest who sounds like Bruce Hornsby and once collab-ed with Kanye West.

Lists: indie hunks, beards

Read more>>>>

Bonny Bear

Alternative Celebrity, Meme

Bonny Bear is the winner of the 2012 Best New Artist Grammy Award.

Lists: indie hunks, animals, indie pets

Read more>>>>

Congrats 2 #JimmyJangler! U jimmy jangled ur way straight into the hearts of HIPSTER RUNOFF readers in the Vally's Day Contest! More winners coming soon maybe! Yay! #Evry1isAWinner, if u rlly think abt it.

'Give the Gift of Carles' to the person who u authentically <3.
http://www.iamcarles.com
http://www.iamcarles.com
http://www.iamcarles.com
http://www.iamcarles.com

Order before Saturday Feb 11 at 1 PM EST, and u will get GUARANTEED Feb 14 delivery for USA orders.

LIMITED EDISH Red Vallytine's Day Shirt!

U look good, bb! Do u wanna go on a romantic date to Olive Garden with me? Maybe we can start a relevant buzzband and travel around the world 2gether.

Hey! Is that the winner of the Halloween Contest, Vampire Weekend At Bernie's Bro?

Do u want to go to Olive Garden on Valentine's Day?

We can share some salad and breadsticks.
#unlimited
I won't judge u if u 'pig out'
Because I truly <3 u

I waited, and waited.
Why didn't u meet me there?

In that moment, I was more alone than evr on #VallysDay
I regretted eating that creamy alfredo sauce chicken parm lasagna calzone create-ur-own pasta
I paid 4 it all night [via the bathroom]

Where were u?

Did u go to Red Lobster instead?
Maybe we should have gone to a combination Red Lobster/Olive Garden
Love is about compromise.

I had even stopped at WalMart to buy you a Russell Stover's box of Chocolates

Forrest Gump once said that Life is Like a Box Of Chocolates
Because u never know when ur d8 is going to #CyberBully and #SlutShame U

Are we 'Just Friends'?

I'm Hornie.

Tonight, all I have is my own dark horniness and a box of Russell Stover's Chocolates

I have never felt more alone on Valentine's Day.

Bless U, #jimmyjangler

Who do u want 2 be ur Vallytine?

The Classic Blue shirt is 'also available'

Run, Carles, Run.

Miss u BB... Where did u go?!?!

'Give the Gift of Carles' to the person who u authentically <3.
http://www.iamcarles.com
http://www.iamcarles.com
http://www.iamcarles.com
http://www.iamcarles.com
Order by Saturday 1 PM EST for GUARANTEED VALLYS DAY DELIVERY IN THE USA.

Plz send me a pic of ur shirt if u go on a romantic d8 on Valentine's Day.

Who else won ur <3 in the contest?

Kaley Kay

Alternative Celebrity

Kaley Kay emerged in the HIPSTER RUNOFF Valentine's Day QT contest, widely known as #jimmyjangler. U look good, KK!

Lists: QTs

Read more>>>>

Carles

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Meme

Carles is the popular blogger from the popular internet website HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Lists: mysterious, indie hunks, HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, chillwave, bloggers

Read more>>>>

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Buzzband, Company, DJ, Meme

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a blog worth blogging abt, created by Carles that is trying 2 stay relevant. It blogs abt buzzbands, alt_stuff, and memes.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie), HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, blogs and magazines

Read more>>>>

It seems as though BUZZ BANDS have FINALLY made it into the American lexicon of jargon dictionary cultural awareness zeitgeist mass media crossover into the mainstream. Or there is just 'some indie bro' who works there, and he sees dumb categories 'go viral'. There is also potentially 'some genuine indie fan girl' who works there and she 'genuinely' used the word buzzbands. Other ppl think that there might be a 'cool dad' who just wanted to buzz some bands, get some pictures of TV screens 'going viral' as if any1 gives a damn abt Jeopardy as a culturally relevant institution. It is simply just a meme farm that old ppl watch to think that they are smart.

However, we should not let that cheapen this moment for BUZZ BANDS. While the term BUZZ BAND has existed for a while, the term BUZZ BAND (or BUZZBAND) is often used by Carles and HIPSTER RUNOFF readers to describe a specific niche of internet-based indie bands that are getting a notable amount of attention from a circlejerk of indie websites who are 'trying to keep the coverage authentic', but ultimately marginalizing the band into the dated altrock 'buzzband' term.

It is a shame that today, buzz bands are more famous and successful than ever, but now, we are beginning to wonder HOW buzzbands are created in the corrupt indie machine. We should celebrate, but remember that there is a long road ahead of us in the war against the Corrupt Indie Machine.

Even Best Coast made it into the category, proving the Jeopardy. Does that mean she is 'famous, mainstream, and relevant', or has our once sacred indie music just been marginalized into mainstream culture blips, fun facts, and pop culture trivia?

Will this improve Best Coast album sales?
What was ur first BUZZBAND?
What does the word 'buzzband' mean 2 u?
Who watches Jeopardy?
Do 'Buzzbands' have it all?
Have BUZZBANDS gone mainstream?
Is the Corrupt Indie Machine trying to expose mainstream masses to BUZZBANDS?
Is this a great moment for buzzbands everywhere?
Are tv shows that are 'cultural institutions' like SNL and Jeopardy 'going down the shitter' as they try to generate memes for the authentic indie blogosphere to share?

Corrupt Indie Machine

Alternative Celebrity, Alternative Event, Company, Meme

The Corrupt Indie Machine is a massive conspiracy between the Indie Media, Blogs, Buzzbands, Buzz Humans and (Major and Indie) Labels to produce and farm inauthentic, inorganic, artificial buzz.

Lists:

Read more>>>>

Best Coast

Buzzband

Best Coast is a fuzzy buzzy band that sings abt dank, California, boys, and kitty cats

Lists: Members of Best Coast, fuzzy buzzy, feuded with HIPSTER RUNOFF, Californians, 2k10 buzzbands

Read more>>>>

It is hard 2 go thru a tough time
Sometimes u need the support of #hashtags
so that u don't feel alone on the internet
When every1 is #cyberbullying and #slutshaming u
U truly feel alone

Introducing the #PrayerWatch2k12: A Candlelight Vigil 4 Carles
Plz #pray4carles and ur message of <3 and support will be SHOWCASED at the top of HIPSTERRUNOFF dot com.

This is a dark time, and we need all we can help against the Corrupt Indie Machine. Thank u for ur #pray4carles prayers and vibes. Without u, we r nothing. Thank u 4 ur #Tweets and #Hashtags.

#pray4carles means that you stand against the Corrupt Indie Machine and the LIES and CORRUPT BUZZ that they FORCE DOWN the throats of the BLIND INDIE MASSES every day.
#pray4carles means that u r not alone

May the buzz gods bless all of u with eternal buzz and transcendent, timeless authenticity. Amen.

#pray4carles

Corrupt Indie Machine

Alternative Celebrity, Alternative Event, Company, Meme

The Corrupt Indie Machine is a massive conspiracy between the Indie Media, Blogs, Buzzbands, Buzz Humans and (Major and Indie) Labels to produce and farm inauthentic, inorganic, artificial buzz.

Lists:

Read more>>>>

Carles

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Meme

Carles is the popular blogger from the popular internet website HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Lists: mysterious, indie hunks, HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, chillwave, bloggers

Read more>>>>

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Buzzband, Company, DJ, Meme

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a blog worth blogging abt, created by Carles that is trying 2 stay relevant. It blogs abt buzzbands, alt_stuff, and memes.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie), HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, blogs and magazines

Read more>>>>

Lana Del Rey's meme buzz album cycle
was an important GAME CHANGING business case in the music industry
that we are only now starting to see the lasting effects of.
She changed every thing

Del Rey proved that no one really cares how the music sounds.
Instead, people love prettiness, controversy, and the construction of the idea of 'fame.'
By 'tanking' on SNL, she became a household name.
It was worth it
2 achieve 'mad album sales'
and propel herself into the lenses of paparazzi cameras everywhere

The LDR 'buzzslut' strategy will be copied by many females
eager 2 get in headlines with lewd acts and controversial moments
where u can argue that 'the world is cyberbullying her'
because no1 ever wants to hold a woman accountable for her actions
'even when she is asking for it'
Women and soft-voiced cultural commentators will rush to 'protect' a woman
As long as she produces controversial content and is 'mad hot'
[via riding Lindsay Lohan waves]
protecting the eternal stream of her content

M.I.A. deployed a similar 'LOOK AT ME, YALL' strategy
But I'm not sure if any1 even noticed
because her finger was lost in the background of her sillie outfit
And no1 even understands her when she raps

It is a dark time for women in the music industry
Lana ensured that they must 'pull stunts' to get attention
To 'get people talking'
As a feminist would say, 'all female press is good female press'

So I maybe M.I.A.s act of social terrorism
was good 4 female artists
doing big thangs
big thangs be poppin in 2k11

Who knows if it will help her sell albums
become a true house hold name
or if her time is 'effing up'
because every1 is 'tired of her bullshit'

She probably needs to get brand management consulting
from Zooey Deschanel and Tavi
to learn what makes other women pretend to respect independent females
instead of groaning bc she is obvi trying SO hard...

This is a brand new era of 'slutwave'
It is not about showing off ur body
implying that you are a 'slut' with ur costume

But instead, being willing 2 'sell urself' at all costs
Humiliate urself... slutshame urself...
Give up ur dignity
Just to be 'burned at the stake'
[via becoming a social media pariah]

So many talking heads
talking blogs
harvesting content farms
Can n e 1 even deliver a seminal cultural moment n e more?

After LDR =
Welcome 2 the Slutwave 2.0
How far will u go
2 inject urself in2 'the conversation'?

We Are All Made Of #Hashtags

******
Does this have 'nothing 2 do with female artists' and everything 2 do with M.I.A. being 'an effing dumb ass diva'?
Did MIA just get caught up in the moment?
Was this the easiest prediction ever? [via Carlestradamus 'calling it'] [link]
Has Lana Del Rey been a breakthru for female artists who want 2 get into the spotlight, or has she made it more difficult than ever for female artists to get attention for 'the right reasons'?
Did M.I.A. 'ruin the Super Bowl'?
Should we all just eat Doritos and watch football 4evr?

M.I.A.

Buzzband, Alternative Celebrity

M.I.A. is known for thinking that the American government is out 2 get her.

Lists: rappers, indie songstresses, annoying ppl, 2k10 buzzbands

Read more>>>>

Lana Del Rey

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Lana Del Rey is a hot female indie singer. She is 'mad controversial.'

Lists: potentially fake lips, slutwave, QTs, it girls, curly hair, critical darlings, 2k11 buzzbands

Read more>>>>

WHO WILL WIN THE <3 OF CARLES?
PLEASE VOTE HERE, OR BY LIKING EACH PIC ON FACEBOOK?

#BUKKAKE_AZN

#THE_GIRL_WITH_THE_LONG_ASS_NOTE

#H8myself

#jimmyJangler

#born2luv

#Born2DieWithU

#Born2Win #Veeehhhdeeeoohhhgaayhhmes

#MissU

#BanginBodWithoutASign

#PainBB

#Childish_BBino

#BestNewBB

#TinyChiliBro

#SunFlowerAltQT

#hunnyBunny

#PandaBro

#ChapsByRalphLaurenAlt

#Vallytine

#chillwaver

#WorldWasBuilt4_2

#▲ (Also known as #TriangleBB)

#Lost_It_All #DarkBro

Who will end up being Carles's Valentine?
There will be 2 categories, both 'winners' will receive miscellaneous prizes.

CARLES'S CHOICE
Please vote by 'commenting' on this post with the appropriate hashtag. Carles will determine the level of authentic buzz, and choose a winner based on votes, keutness, and embodying the spirit of the HRO zeitgeist.

FAN's Choice
Win Fan's Choice by acquiring 'the most likes' in this FB photo album. http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.378221432193196.108197.194694380545903&type=1

WHO IS THE KEUTEST?
WHO DO U WANT 2 BE UR VALLYTINE?

M.I.A. has been confirmed as a performer in the Super Bowl halftime show this upcoming Sunday. She is known for being outspoken, pulling crazy antics, and doing anything she can to get in the headlines. M.I.A.'s ego is bigger than evr, and she loves 'making a scene.' This will not end well.

M.I.A. will wear something stupid.
Usually when female performers wear something 'stupid' and/or 'sexy', they are often called 'fashion icons.' M.I.A. will probably wear something stupid. It will probably involve a controversial image, or maybe something that says, "I Hate America" in a different language or something. Maybe she will wear a print of George W. Bush being executed or something. She could also 'pull out her nip' and show off her brown areolas just 2 be a part of American culture forever. Although she loathes mnstrm American culture, it seems as if she feels particularly validated by her inclusion in Madonna's halftime show.

M.I.A. hates America, and she sees herself as a terrorist.
Although M.I.A. is married to some billionaire heir, she still identifies herself as an 'outsider'/foreigner who the government is trying to censor. In the Super Bowl performance, she will have more eyes on her than ever before. This will be her moment to say 'I HATE U AMERICA.' She will not rely on a backpack bomb, but instead what she believes is a 'truth bomb.' This bomb could be bigger than the #LDRSNL tankjob bomb. But I guess she'll sell even more albums if her bomb leaves a big enough crater on the cultural landscape.

M.I.A. hates censorship.
Without question, M.I.A. is always looking to 'push the boundaries', even though it is usually to propel herself further into the spotlight/focus of cultural discussion on the internet. While sometimes her art has had 'a message', she is primarily a shock artist. There is no way that M.I.A. will let this opportunity pass her by without 'doing something stupid' 'in the name of art.' For all we know, she might blow up a herd of gingers on the field.

M.I.A. isn't actually a good rapper or performer.
Most of M.I.A.'s live performances are defined by heavy music, and her sort of jibbering over the lyrics, prancing around, wearing something stupid. This might not go over well on TV. It would be wise of Madonna to minimize M.I.A.'s role in the performance, and not allow her to deliver any live lyrics. Madonna has to know that this could be the beginning of the end of her career, because M.I.A. will stop at nothing to raise her public profile. The Super Bowl might mean everything to a lamestream Middle American, but M.I.A. has to be salivating at the opportunity to be remembered forever as 'The Brown Girl Who Ruined The Big Football Game', potentially replacing Janet Jackson if she is willing to show nip.

Will u be watching the Super Bowl halftime performance?
Will M.I.A. 'ruin it all'?
Can M.I.A. go lamestream after this performance?
Can u argue that M.I.A. is the first 'indie'/'blog incubated' artist that has performed at the Super Bowl?
Does this performance represent a landmark moment for indie music?
Or does it just prove that M.I.A.'s status as a major label artist/billionaire heir has her hobnobbing with celebs like Madonna?
Will M.I.A. just be 'boring' at the Super Bowl, and she will launch a micro-managed album cycle that is not interesting and ultimately tanks?

PREVIOUSLY: M.I.A. Makes video abt Ginger Genocide.

M.I.A.

Buzzband, Alternative Celebrity

M.I.A. is known for thinking that the American government is out 2 get her.

Lists: rappers, indie songstresses, annoying ppl, 2k10 buzzbands

Read more>>>>

"I feel so alone on a Friday Nite..."
-Carles

Will u be my Valentine.
HIPSTER RUNOFF VALENTINE'S DAY QT CONTEST.

MAJOR Prize Packs include:
OPPORTUNITIES for ALT FAME & NEVERENDING BUZZ

• Chili's and/or Olive Garden Gift Cards
• Lifetime passes to #HROfest music festival (does not yet exist)
• Weekly Column on HIPSTER RUNOFF
• a weekend getaway to a hotel right next to an airport in an irrelevant city
• records
• A Valentine's Nite d8 with Carles, potentially to Outback Steakhouse

I rlly need a Valentine...

How to enter: Email ur picture to carleser [at] gmail.com . Hold a picture of urself holding a sign that shows ur dedication 2 Carles, HIPSTER RUNOFF, memes, buzzbands, or anything relevant. U must win over the <3s of Carles + HRO readers with ur keutness. You will be posted on this website, and ppl will vote 2 determine

ONLY Rule: U MUST BE KEUT. Boyz or Girlz allowed...

ENTER BY THE END OF SUNDAY, JANUARY 29.

Who will win the <3 of Carles and/or HIPSTER RUNOFF fan_bros and entry_level_QTs?

#jimmyjangler

HIPSTER RUNOFF

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Buzzband, Company, DJ, Meme

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a blog worth blogging abt, created by Carles that is trying 2 stay relevant. It blogs abt buzzbands, alt_stuff, and memes.

Lists: mindie (mainstream indie), HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, blogs and magazines

Read more>>>>

Carles

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Meme

Carles is the popular blogger from the popular internet website HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Lists: mysterious, indie hunks, HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, chillwave, bloggers

Read more>>>>

Mark Foster has it all
1 of the most popular, highest-selling songs of 2k11
in 'Pumped Up Kicks'
Tons of BJs from mad bitches

But most importantly
he has a love for rave-wave music
and SICK glowsticking skills
Mark Foster can twirl with the best of them.

Much like his own music career
Foster creates a vortex of positivity
within the orb of his glow
Rave, Rave, Against the Dying of the Buzz

Ur coonskin raver hat
unites u with the forest creatures
of the Dark Rave Forest
Glowsticks are an extension of ur nocturnal nature

Sometimes it feels
like when we rave
we are sorta wearing pumped up kicks
if u rlly think abt it...

I wish I could run right into ur bulky arms
falling asleep on ur tribal tat
I'm glad u finally took off ur church boy indie uniform

And showed us the BANGIN BOD that God blessed u with
Do u vibe on protein?
Muscle Milk?
How do u bulk up?
Tell me ur secrets, FosterTheBB...

Mark Foster has it all
a sick songwriting sensibilitie
a sick bod
a sick tribal tat
a sick coonskin raver hat

There is an art to glowstick twirling.
More importantly
there is an art to the photography of glowstick twirling

U look good, Mark BB!

Does Mark Foster look 'baller' and 'swag' as a raver?
Is 'Pumped Up Kicks' the #1 song of all time?
R u gonna get a tribal tat?
Are glowsticks the most authentic rave accessory?
Should I start a glowstick dance academy?

Jared Leto can do it all. He is a singer, rock band leader, actor, alternative icon, fashion icon, deity in the majority of Asia, and director. He is widely regarded as The Most Alternative Man Alive. It seems like he is 'spreading his wings', looking 2 take on new challenges. He directed the 'trailer' for HARD SUMMER 2012. Hard is a popular electro festival rave brand that puts on some of the most important American electro raves in the world. They are the people who recently brought u HOLY SHIP: A Very DubLectro Cruise Ship.

Anyways, as u can see, Jared Leto really captured the zeitgeist of the American Electro Movement. Do u believe that modern rave culture is the last festival movement that embodies the spirit of Woodstock? This blipster does.

Do u want to go to a HARD event and 'lose urself'?

If u were to die at any American music festival/rave, which 1 would it be?
Being trampled to death at Lollapalooza, or ODing at a random ass rave in a barn in the middle of nowhere?

Say what u will about Jared Leto as an actor/musician/artist, but maybe his true calling is directing commercial clips 4 clients....

Leto usually directs under the name "Bartholomew Cubbins." Do u feel like Jared Leto ripped off the work that Bartholomew Cubbins did for the epic 30 Seconds to Mars video for "Closer to the Edge."

Do u appreciate the way that Jared Leto uses the power of the 'random ass teen fan interview' in order to convey the spirit of youth and hope in his videos?
Does it make u wanna go to HARD SUMMER 2 see a #JaredLetoDJset?
Is Jared Leto the voice of every generation?

Do u <3 EPIC RAVE TRAILERS?

I wish I could just go 2 Tommorowland...
Get lost...
It looks like Electro Utopia...

What is the greatest modern rave in the world?
Did Jared Leto 'nail it' or does he need to ride more fantasy-waves?

PREVIOUSLY

Jared Leto

Actor, Buzzband

Jared Leto is an alternative actor, and the lead singer of the band 30 Seconds to Mars.

Lists: actors in indie bands, mainstreamer, indie hunks, altbags

Read more>>>>

We've seen tween singers, dancers, actors, and other internet tweens get famous by appealing to emerging markets of tween-centric audiences. What if I told you that there was an up-and-coming tween DJ? His name is Aiden Chance, and he is from somewhere in Utah. We have not confirmed whether or not he is Mormon or how many brothers and sisters he has, but we CAN confirm that he is a fun loving electro dubstep house lover who is here to do big thangs in 2k12.

Can Aiden Chance become the world's first tween DJ?

He has 'DJ-style' press photos where he looks like he is playing the VIP section of heaven.

[RIP Chris Benoit]

Is this the era of the tween DJ?
Is this the year that Aiden Chance become the next big dubstep DJ?
Will Aiden Chance become the Rebecca Black of DJing or the Justin Bieber of DJing?
Can tweens do anything?

Is Aiden Chance as swag as it gets?

As you can see, Aiden Chance has all the right DJing moves. He can work the knob board emotionally, raise his hands to tell people to 'get the eff up', and most importantly, drop the bass.

The Tweens are Truly going crazy 4 Aiden Chance. Who knows what festivals, clubs, and sponsored events he will headline in 2k12.

There is truly no stopping Aiden Chance in 2k12. Filling up limited capacity clubs on the reg, it is clear to see the youthful enthusiasm that DJ Chance brings 2 the crowd, proving that the art of DJing is not just about the music you play, but about the true energy and passion behind it.

Will Aiden Chance take over the world in 2k12?
Will we see more Tween DJs now that electro/dubstep/DJ culture is so prevalent?
Can Tween DJs become more successful than topless DJs and/or masked DJs?

Will Tween DJs become a 'must book' act at festivals, clubs, and high-priced sponsored events?

Wanna Come 2 My DJ nite? [via Fred Armisen-wave Portlandia-level cultural commentary]

Do u ever wish u had more supportive parents who knew how to help u perform/DJ at music festivals?
Is Aiden Chance a buzz human 2 watch in 2k12?

This has been Buzz Humans 2 Watch presented by HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Check out Aiden Chance at this year's Bamboozle.

'Wuddup?' -a tween bro

Aiden Chance

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Aiden Chance is the world's first tween DJ.

Lists: tweens, People from Utah

Read more>>>>

Sometimes I feel like a slave 2 the content
a true piggybacker
knowing that I will only have 1 moment 2 shine
This is it.

It is my right as an internet user
2 share my own vision on a topic that is #trending
adding cultural commentary
because I exist at the intersection of culture and culture

I am a content creator
Sometimes I feel like the star of the most interesting, comical, enlightening viral video of all time
called 'Shit That I Say'

I will share this link with my friends
they will give me kind feedback on it
Most of them will simply 'LIKE' it to avoid having to actually comment on it
Because I make them cringe, not just because I am legitimately 'not funny'
but because I am just 'trying so goddamned hard'

I am a hipster basher
I am an LDR basher
I am a ____ basher
Bashy McBashBashing is the Purest Art Form

On the internet, no1 is a spectator
We are all living, breathing, creating culture
Providing valuable cultural commentary
Which will exist in the cloud until #SOPA2: The Legend of Meme Gold

Capitalizing on tricky titles and manipulated search rank
in order to get 'mad views' from confused tweens who are Google infants

Sometimes I wonder
if we are all in an eternal youtube video
entitled
'Shit Ppl Who are Trying 2 Go Viral Say'

But srsly
that first video was kinda funny
if u r in2
Street Fighter 2 humor #Ryu #Blanka

Were any of these videos 'funnie' or were they all 'effing terrible'?

Lana Del Rey

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Lana Del Rey is a hot female indie singer. She is 'mad controversial.'

Lists: potentially fake lips, slutwave, QTs, it girls, curly hair, critical darlings, 2k11 buzzbands

Read more>>>>

I have heard rumblings that there is a MASSIVE LAW that is being talked about in some sort of branch of the government that is trying to make websites and blogs and the majority of the content on the internet COMPLETELY ILLEGAL. I was reading up about SOPA, trying to exactly who it would impact. Here are the hard facts on SOPA, how it works, and how your life will be forever changed in the SOPA world.

ALL MUSIC BLOGS WOULD BE BREAKING THE LAW
Did u know that 100% of music blogs are 'hella illegal'? They are just as illegal as they were when they were 'innovative', but now every1 just got used to it. This would mean the bloggers behind your favorite blogs would go to jail. Many would be placed in isolation chambers, and they would not have internet access. This means Pitchfork writers, ad salesmen, dudes who start Tumblrs, and any one who has ever downloaded an illegal leak. Some critics say that this would actually be a good thing for the blog-centric indie world because it would force the creation of music in 'real scenes' instead of losers on the internet getting famous then tanking when they perform live.

ALL INDIE BUZZBANDS WOULD BE BREAKING THE LAW
Believe it or not, any band trying to get buzz could be sentenced to at least 3 months in prison. Any band planning on releasing an album in 2k12 better 're-think' their strategies. It seems like we will move back to a taped-bootlegging era. Instead of doing a formal release that is uploaded to the internet to be sold, bands will have to sell CDs and minidiscs at live shows. Any band caught releasing an MP3 file, or if their fans make MP3s, the entire band will be executed live on FOX TV. The first round of executions will debut after the Super Bowl.

YOU WILL LOSE YOUR PERSONAL EMAIL ACCOUNT AND YOUR TWITTER AND FACEBOOK WILL BE SEIZED BY THE GOVERNMENT
Remember the days when u could fire off an email? Over. Thanks a lot, SOPA. There will be no way to connect with other people on the internet. Classmates.com has a few lobbyists making HUGE moves in Wershington, and they might be the last social network standing when it's all said and done.

YOU WOULD BE BREAKING THE LAW BY READING 'COMMIE GARBAGE' ON THE INTERNET AND SHARING IT TO A SOCIAL NETWORK
Let's face it, the majority of internet content is all 'communist garbage', written by, consumed by, and shared by a Network of Reds. In order to get America back to on track, riding capitalistic vibes, eliminating Commie propaganda is 100% necessary to the old white-hairs in the House of Congressentatives. No longer will u be allowed to read words on the internet unless they are approved by the government. It will be a lot like a parental control filter. There will be no more Browsers, everything will look like America Online 3.0.

ANY1 WHO DOES ONLINE SHOPPING WOULD BE BREAKING THE LAW
Sites like Groupon, Amazon Gold Box, and SexSlaveCoupon.biz will be illegal, because the government finally realizes that 'online deals' have hurt the economie. Instead of allowing retailers to charge markups, so many outlets have driven prices down, hurting our economy because u can't waste money, and businesses can't make money. Events like Black Friday will be outlawed, and if you buy stereo speakers from some dude driving around a parking lot, you will have your hand chopped off. Stores like iTunes will be illegal, and it will be illegal to download MP3s AND buy MP3s.

ANY1 WHO BEATS OFF 2 PORN ON THE INTERNET WILL AUTOMATICALLY GO 2 CYBERJAIL
Some say that pornography takes up over 95% of all internet bandwidth. In order to decrease the bandwidth shortage of 2k12, providers want ppl to 'beat off' less. Instead, dating sites and 'fuck meetups' like Grindr will be given government grants & subsidies in order to allow members to join free, encouraging them to not beat off in privacy, but to go out into the world and find some1 to procreate with.

ANY1 WHO USES WIKIPEDIA WILL GET THE ELECTRIC CHAIR
One of the main reasons SOPA exists is to finally 'delete' the terrible website known as Wikipedia.org. It is a little known fact that lobbyists for CD-based Encyclopedias such as Encarta and World Book are throwing HUGE bribes at congressmen to revive their business. Let's be honest, every one knows that Wikipedia is filled with lies based on internet lies. In order to prevent kids from using Wikipedia for term papers, the Electric Chair will be brought back 2 really scare the kids.

ANY ARTIST WHO TANKS ON SNL WILL BE GIVEN THE DEATH PENALTY
Apparently, after the Lana Del Rey tank job on SNL, congressmen, senators, and even Barrack 'Ole Blue Eyes' Obama decided to write this into #SOPA. They just want to protect us from another buzz market collapse like last week, when the Buzz Jones Industrial and BUZDAQ both PLUMMETED. Right now, we're dealing with a record high un-buzzployment rate, and seeing buzz rates fall across the board. Right now, natural resources and precious metals are the only thing with value. Insiders say that SOPA will pass because lawmakers want to protect us on this issue. Thanks a lot, LDR!

INTERNET MEME HUMOR WILL BE ENSLAVED
I'm not sure how they are planning to do this, but there is talk that some of the most classic viral memes on the internet will be enslaved in order to 'make examples' out of them. Studies have shown that American tweens are more interested in generating viral content than they are in math and science studies. The fear of eternal enslavement is the only way to 'get their asses in line'.

R u scared of SOPA?
Will it change the internet forever?
Should the internet be regulated?
Will mp3s still be legal?
Will SOPA ruin the internet?
Is the internet 'over'?
Does n e 1 know how SOPA works?
Will my blog be shut down bc of SOPA?
What happens when SOPA is legalized?
Is SOPA losing support?
Will SOPA ruin or save indie?
What does SOPA stand 4?

I have a blog called HIPSTER RUNOFF. Every day, I wake up, open my laptop, and type words that are stored in the internet as ‘content.’ My goal is to ‘get as many hits’ as possible because I metaphorically ‘have mouths to feed.’ I realize that at this point, it doesn’t matter if my content is ‘premium’, pseudo-brilliantly written web_prose or just ‘link-bait-wave,’ I was fortunate enough to not have gotten lost in the ‘long tail’ of indie music + Gen-Y-opinion-driven coverage blogs. Every day, I prey upon different buzz topics, exploiting my voice, but more importantly, my position as a ‘recognized outlet 4 buzz’ to try to trick people into thinking I am ‘relevant’, which basically just means that I am trying to make ppl talk abt my blog and get them addicted to my web brand even if they hate it because even when they are like ‘OMG THAT’S TOTAL BULLSHIT’ it is just some sort of post-grassroots-h8-wave-warketing.

My goal as a website is to ‘be the ass hole who pointlessly interjects himself into the conversation’ without being as overtly annoying as ‘the ass hole who always pointless interjects himself into the conversation.’

Lana Del Rey is the perfect buzz topic, and I’ll never forget the times we shared in late 2k11 and early 2k12. I honestly do wish the best for her career, not because I have a rooting interest in her/care about her as a person, but because Lana Del Rey is an important search term to refer viewers to my website.

Sometimes I wonder, when it’s all said and done, and the internet is deleted, will I only be remembered as “The Guy Who Invented Chillwave?”

It feels like Lana Del Rey was sent down from the buzz heavens, God’s way to save us from the well-documented buzz drought that has plagued us since early 2k10. Some blamed the buzzbands for not putting out solid mp3s. They said that there were not enough buzzworthy bands 2 authentically buzz and that buzz was being misappropriated unfairly due to blogosphere favors and the fear of hurting the feelings of legacy, past-their-prime buzzbands. In the post-LDR bubble burst world, we are finally able to see what caused the buzz drought: it was the bloggers, the writers, the content farmers, and the implosion of the sub-prime buzzing crisis that has been the expanding crack in the foundation the indie blogging and content farming infrastructure since as far back as 2k8.5.

LanaBB officially redefined the core competencies of the ‘indie blogosphere.’

We used to be tastemakers. We used to be regulators. We used to be trustworthy. We used to be a valuable resource. Lana made it okay for us to post magazine covers. Lana Del Rey was pretty enough to post even the most irrelevant performance video. For the first time, Lana Del Rey took indie blogs over ‘the edge’, and made it okay for us to speculate about her physical appearance, which is way more interesting than trying to figure out if her artistic ambitions are ‘relevant’/pure. Basically, Lana Del Rey finally marginalized ‘the decently-enough-thought-out opinion piece’ into a worthless meme that any one could poop out.

#LDRSNL marked another maturation/retardation milestone for ‘online indie journalism’, bringing the indie blogosphere from a humble place that posted MP3s with generally positive/neutral commentary, and flung us right into the generalist meme-blurb content farm spotlight. We scrambled like enslaved content farmers, minutes after the performance to preserve our Google rank with a perfectly placed headline. We were ready to chew up and spit out memes, finally ‘graduating to the big leagues’ with a ‘big boy meme’, not just some other over-written ‘spotlight’ on a group of poor dudes from Brooklyn who were ToTtaLLY wErTh ChEcKiNg OuT and/or the typical ‘no one cares--what happened to REAL music?’ reaction pieces to said buzzband.

Buzz experts truly believe that Lana Del Rey is the last artist/band that the network of indie blog buzz will have a role in ‘hyping.’ The happy days of the AnCo 2k9 buzzosphere are long gone, and we all cannot just get along. After Lana Del Rey, we live in a hypeless world where we trust no outlet, now that we have finally seen the hype apocalypse because the LDR snake-eating-its-own-tail cycle has finally ended, and the sum is “-0” [via undefined]. Readers who once thought that they were reading organic, farm-grown content will feel misled, angry, and betrayed by the warped context of blogs.

I’ll admit that as a blog, I am obsessed, and probably over-estimate the impact of ‘modern web media’ on ‘reality.’ But it seems like LDR was a blogosphere ‘passion project’ that we incubated, and got to ‘tear down’ for the sake of generating, controlling, and commenting our own content. We enjoyed it, sorta like while u r stroking ur peen, but then u finally ‘effing blow’, and you are not sure whether you should admit ‘how good’ it felt. After #LDRSNL, no one is sure who has control of the #LDR meme any more. It was her viking meme funeral, even if she goes on to achieve mad sales in Europe/decent sales in America.

“Where r u Lizzy Grant? R u okay? I swear, I care about you. Blogs r mean. :-(”
-some blog with female readers

LDR should probably make other alt famous humans and upcoming buzz humans incredibly nervous, because the silent agreement of ‘pandering’ to indie celebs is over. The concept Indie celebrity may or may not exist, but a successful blog now must realize that the way indie blogs ‘baby’ the ‘alt famous’ in order to preserve relationships can no longer exist. Mudslinging will be beneficial to both parties. Maybe after LDR, it will no longer be a good idea to be ‘an anonymous’ project because then dumb blogs will just use Google to construct an unfair narrative for you.

I think the most interesting/most-covered story to come out of the #LDRSNL tank job was the ‘widely read and covered’ story about the guy who invented Gawker and revolutionized modern content farming, Nick Denton, publishing a private email from famous NBC newsanchor Brian Williams for the sake of ‘winning hits’ and introducing the Gawker web-brand to non-readers. In the email, NBC Nightly news anchor Brian Wiliams basically just says LDR is a disgrace, but I guess it is ‘interesting’ because he works for NBC, or something. His commentary on ‘her’ as a ‘person’ is as arbitrary & worthless as yours or mine, but the keyword synergy behind the story is ‘so money’ and it ‘doesn’t even know it’, except Gawker’s genius content farm editor has a sixth sense for virality that most crappy bloggers will never have. A.J. Daulerio will always be remembered as one of the Founding Fathers of Modern Content Farming.

As I struggle to deal with my own periodic content farm existential crises, I wish I could have just invented Gawker. We could’ve had it all. Rolling in the deep pool of unique visitors.

In no way is the ‘conversion of blogs to content farms’ and ‘the secret corporate nature of indie blogs’ a fresh, relevant, or innovative ‘take’. I am just trying to share my view from inside the meme prison with you. Lana Del Rey and I are on this content farm together sort of like we are the last and only two humans left on Earth. We hate eachother, but at the same time we need eachother to stay alive. There will never be any sort of cathartic epiphany where we admit wrong-doing, nor will there ever be a genuine reconciliation. We will never have what feels like a ‘real’ relationship with Lana Del Rey.

Where does ‘the modern media’s relationship’ with Lana Del Rey go from here?

Unfortunately for indie bloggers, it is back to posting dumb MP3s and serving as a well-crafted PR blast for bands that every1 already knows about. As ‘writers’/people who publish text to webpages on the internet, can we be so sure that another meme comet like Lana Del Rey will come again in our lifetime? Will we sit on our porch, every day looking up at the sky, wondering if another Lana will come by... Or this this our final chance to ‘commit suicide’ with other members of our stupid cult in an effort to be transported into the buzz spaceship that is trailing in the tail of the comet [via Heaven’s Gate/Marshall Applewhite vibes]?

Why do we keep going?
Why do we keep farming in the name of blogging in the name of writing?

In the name of authentic music journalism? What more in the name of authentic music journalism.
-Bono [via U2]

Online publishing is ‘relatively new’ [via long-term historical contexts]. I guess this is just a natural part of the maturation process of the beloved idea of the indie blogosphere. But who even wants to be a part of indie blog farming any more?

Even the most ‘talented’ people who ‘write things on the internet that are actually worth reading’ and/or are reduced to farm fodder. Every character of a writer, blog, or content farm’s 140 character or less tweet is cringe-worthy, 100% worth resenting. Part of me feels ‘confused’ as to why any one would even want to ‘be a music writer’, or write about bands/humans/music on the internet. It takes a warped personality to believe that any one ‘gives a damn about what you and ur crappy website’ thinks, unless you are being paid handsomely for it, then you can sort of approach it like a desk job. It will dehumanize you every day, but at least it pays the bills.

Who is ‘actually passionate’ about ‘how they feel about Lana Del Rey’? It doesn’t matter if you are writing an ‘IN DEFENSE OF LANA DEL REY’ or if you are writing a hilarious and/or insightful web culture + societal takedown piece that accurately deconstructs #LDRgate with an original angle. We all have the same motive. Can 1 voice really shift an entire conversation? What the eff do u think ur gonna tastemake? Do u think u can really make another LDR? Those days are gone, child. We’ve peaked. It’s over. The machine’s broken. Somebody call the Geek Squad.

I am on the edge. I no longer believe in blog evolution. I no longer believe in buzz creationism. I am a believer in buzz intelligent design.

It is interesting to think that there is a generation who even finds these memes to be ‘interesting’ enough to think that they want to be a part of the indiesphere discussion. Do they think the can ‘save’ it by showing us cool, new bands? Do they think they can save us from the content farming doom? Do they think that they can reverse the impact of social media on the speedy, link-baiting nature of all websites, designed to ‘get a good jump on’ SEO?

The indie blogosphere is over the hill. Our opinions are old, tired, uninspired. The next generation will follow our lead, continuing to turn things into poo, inspired by the biased outlook on indie celebrity and relevance that we portrayed to them for years. There is nothing worth saving. Everything is COMPLETELY EFFED, but it will keep going, and we will keep writing that it is COMPLETELY EFFED, but no1 really cares and there isn’t really anything to fix so I guess maybe we should act like it is a beautiful indie film and find ‘happiness and peace’ with that truth.

It is all just sort of just ‘funnie’ but also ‘sad.’ Are the dreams in which Lana Del Rey is dying on the stage of SNL = the best we’ve ever had?

Lana Del Rey saw it coming. We all saw it coming.

In the post-LDR blogging era, I feel free to openly admit that I don’t care about honoring ‘bands that sound good’. The opinions that I have on bands are not actually my own, and my goal is not to preserve a relationship with readers or bands/artists based on editorial pandering. All I can do is ‘go down in flames’ with my sweet, Princess LanaBB. My demented online personality that motivates me to type these words in order to accumulate hits, empathy, praise, and controversy does not have much time left.

Wag The Blog.

Cultural criticism on the internet is dying because we finally realized that the voices behind blogs, twitter feeds, and authentic writing outlets are as fat, bored, uninspired, and jealous as the fat, bored, uninspired, and jealous voices that we thought we had escaped from.

I am not a writer. I am not a blogger. I am a content farmer. These words mean more to the Google robot than they do 2 u. There is nothing exciting about writing, tweeting, or sharing opinions. I do not want to inspire any one to follow me into this dark prison, surrounded by a pile of memes, while I must sort thru them and spin them as ‘meaningful’, ‘interesting’, or whatever else will generate a pageview.

Lana & Me had it all. I’ll look back and think about what I could have done differently. But I'll also think about how beautiful our effed up relationship was and how it some how 'just worked.'

To music and indie purists, Lizzy Grant is the AntiChrist.
To indie modernists and loveslaves of internet content, Lana Del Rey is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Having said that, Lana Del Rey hit a GRAND SLAM on SNL. U did it, BB! I am proud of u. U took 1 for ‘the team’, and now we’re all gonna go to Pizza Hut after the game to celebrate. C U THERE. Let’s share a pitcher of Pepsi. We deserve it. We worked hard.

Is Lana Del Rey indie’s ‘Rebecca Black moment’?
Is LDR ‘not even a big deal’?
Do all buzz humans die?
What’s ur fave content farm?
What’s the future of indie blogosphere?
Do u generally feel ‘who cares’ abt it all?
Do u mainly load webpages ‘out of habit’ not rlly because the site emotionally resonates with u?
If u thought LDR album cycle #1 was fun, are you PUMPED for album cycle #2 in 2-3 years?
Does LDR 'have it all' or 'have nothing'?
Do u <3 LDR for emancipating us from being farm slaves?
Can the farm become self-ware [via skynet]?
Where is Lana Del Rey right now?

"The Great Lana Del Rey Meme Harvest" by Carles

Set to the tune of Garth Brooks' "The Dance"
</embed>

Looking back on the memory of
The Lana Del Rey meme harvest we shared on all the content farms
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye?

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
U could have missed the pain, cyberbullying and slutshaming
But I'd of had to miss the great Lana Del Rey meme harvest

Memeing you, I memed everything
For a moment, wasn't I the king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know... I might have changed it all...

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go [via SNL]
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the Lana Del Rey meme harvest
Yes my bloglife is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the Great Lana Del Rey meme harvest

Luv u Lana. Mean it. <3 :-*

Lana Del Rey

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Lana Del Rey is a hot female indie singer. She is 'mad controversial.'

Lists: potentially fake lips, slutwave, QTs, it girls, curly hair, critical darlings, 2k11 buzzbands

Read more>>>>

In order to adapt to changing editorial demands, we will be transitioning this site to become a dedicated Lana Del Rey content farm and news+gossip outlet blog. This means all Lana, all the time. After last weekend's SNL performance [link to complete analysis], it is clear that Lana Del Rey is a human meme that will be around for a long time, generating mad hits eternally, and we would like to be at the forefront of Del-Rey-related hits by establishing our site as the 'Go-To destination' for all things LDR.

Welcome to a new era.
Welcome the The Lana Del Report.

Lana Del Rey

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Lana Del Rey is a hot female indie singer. She is 'mad controversial.'

Lists: potentially fake lips, slutwave, QTs, it girls, curly hair, critical darlings, 2k11 buzzbands

Read more>>>>

Photo by Ian Witlen via SPIN

BroStepper: Yo, Skrill. Stop the music. I got something I've been meaning 2 do for a long time.
Skrillex: My Name Is Skrillex.

The Brostepper Brings his DubRaverBB on stage. She is confused, has no idea what is going on.

BroStepper: BB. I've been thinking a lot about us...
DubRave-BB: I was actually really enjoying that Skrillex show...
BroStepper: We've had a lot of fun on the Holy Ship, I feel like we're finally with our people.
DubRave-BB: Why did u stop the music? Can we have this conversation later?
BroStepper: I mean like, I REALLY love u... It's not the aluminum bottles of Bud Heavy talking
DubRave-BB: I think u have a drinking problem.
BroStepper: BABE. LISTEN 2 ME.
DubRave-BB: Ugh...
BroStepper: I mean, I just like REALLY, REALLY effing vibe 2 u.
DubRave-BB: I know, I know. Let's talk later plz.
BroStepper: U are the wompwomp in the beat of my heart. U are the bass that dropped in my life and changed my metaphorical DJ set. Without u, I am constant wah-wah, no stable vibes. I need you... That's why I wanted to ask you.

The Brostepper gets down on one knee. Takes out electro wedding ring.

DubRave-BB: OMG!!!!!!!
BroStepper: Babe. I really love you babe.
DubRave-BB: OMFG!!!!!
BroStepper: And I want you to be my...
DubRave-BB: ROTFOMGMAO!!!!
BroStepper: I want to go to every rave with u forever and drop molly with u...
DubRave-BB: OMGGGGG!!!!!
BroStepper: I want u to be my +1 for the rest of time...
DubRave-BB: U GOTTA BE FREAGGIN KIDDING ME!
BroStepper: When I'm with u, I just feel like I'm always in the VIP section
DubRave-BB: LOLMG!!
BroStepper: U held my hand when I started to cry when I got that tattoo
DubRave-BB: ME??????
BroStepper: And I asked ur dad, and he told me that I didn't have stable income, and he encouraged me to get a stable job, but I don't care, because I know we can be happy....
DubRave-BB: BABE!
BroStepper: Will u be my wife?
DubRave-BB: Yes!

Skrillex begins to play a meaningful dubstep track.

BroStepper: This is our long drive, bb.
DubRave-BB: Sigh...
BroStepper: Tonight, we have it all...
DubRave-BB: Tonight, we have eachother...
BroStepper: This must be para, para, paradise [via the Coldplays]
DubRave-BB: When I was a young girl, I always imagined that this is how my true love would ask me to marry me. I'm not one for romanticism, but right now, I know that you are my soulmate.
BroStepper: God Bless Us, every relevant dubstream electrocouple.

The night rolled on, and Skrillex played an amazing set. The newly engaged couple both did molly. The DubRave-BB ended up making out with a relevant DJ. BroStepper was devastated. He started getting AGGRO with his dubBros, and they were kicked out of the nightclub. They managed to start a fight with the bouncers, and were nearly beaten to death. As he made his way back to his room, he contemplated throwing himself off the Holy Ship. He decided against it. He knew that one day, he would find true DubLove again.

Skrillex

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Skrillex is a popular dubstep DJ who is arguably the #1 alt DJ in the world.

Lists: indie hunks, Producers, electro, dubstep

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Photos by Rony's PhotoBooth

What if I told u that there was a magical ship that was filled with the most relevant DJs in the world: Skrillex, Steve Aoki, Diplo, A-TRAK, and MORE setting sail, heading towards destination: PARTY ISLAND, but then while u were on the journey to PARTY ISLAND, u realized that PARTY ISLAND was in fact a destination that lived inside ur heart? Would u jump on board this ship with the opportunity to bronoodle with premium nip slipping bikini BBs, dubstream tatted up bros, relevant DJs, hot altbagettes, and the most relevant ppl in the world? What if I told u that the entire ship was a metaphorical VIP area?

This was Holy Ship, some sort of 'electro rave cruise' that happened last weekend. It was an 'epic hang', although it could have ben widely referred to as 'the day the dubstep died' and/or 'Electro Titanic' if there was some sort of iceberg-wave tragedy.

Did u go 2 Holy Ship?

'Pick me up on Monday, mom.'

'Behind me, we will make DJ/dubstep history. Molly dealers will arrive to the ship in tugboats.'

Me and my best dubstream altbros were prepared to die on Holy Ship.

True or False: This is a picture of the most relevant DJs in the entire world.

Such SICK glowstick moves could only be legal in international waters...

How many Skrillexes can u carry?

Me and a Wizard! #selfpic

One thing I love abt Diplo is that he is always willing to expose the Western World to the 'savage, sexual dance moves' of foreigners and ethnics.

The Dubstep Guy from Korn and the guy from the Pamela Anderson sex tape were both there trying to improve their DJ careers

'One time I made a sweet sex tape with my wife, Pamela Anderson Lee on a boat. This boat is not as fun.' -Tommy Lee, future dubstepper of America association.

#DroppingTheBass

It was 'cheat day' at the Carnival Cruise buffet.

Steve Aoki and his usual 'Yes, I am paid to be here. You are not.' face.

Ray Liotta was there.

CLICK CONTINUE READING ABT HOLY SHIP --->
NIP SLIPS & HOT B00BZ AHEAD! AHOY! ----------->

Skrillex

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Skrillex is a popular dubstep DJ who is arguably the #1 alt DJ in the world.

Lists: indie hunks, Producers, electro, dubstep

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A-Trak

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

A-Trak is a popular alt DJ who is also mainstream.

Lists: Canadian, Jewish, Producers

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Diplo

DJ, Alternative Celebrity

Diplo is a relevant alt DJ and producer.

Lists: Producers, indie hunks

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Steve Aoki

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Steve Aoki is an AZN DJ.

Lists: indie minorities, bros who love 2 party, beards, indie hunks, Record Label Owners, AZNs

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Me: Dude, Tyler is that u? UR rlly creative. I love ur name.
Blipster: Swag
Me: Oh, word.
Blipster: Swag.
Me: I like ur cap, bro. Is it Supreme? That's my fave kind of pizza.
Blipster: I just be swaggin'
Me: Oh, word? I love swag.
Blipster: I seriously want to kill myself right now.
Me: LOL... Oh TyTy... U have it all, bb!
Blipster: I seriously hate myself right now.
Me: Not very swag, bro! Suicide is NOT chill at all.
Blipster: Swag.
Me: Is everything alright at home?
Blipster: I miss my Sweatshirt brother guy.
Me: So r u really Tyler the Creator, or just a random Tyler looking mother fucker?
Blipster: Swag
Me: I get it, bro. Swaggy McSwagSwag. Let's just have some #realtalk, ok?
Blipster: Come stop by my popup shop. We are selling authentic blipster merch.
Me: Can I buy that jacket off ur shoulders?
Blipster: I will sell it to you right now for $50. The cap costs $100 because it is limited edition. There is also a $20 shipping fee, USPS Priority Mail.
Me: Swag!
Blipster: Did u see me on Fallon?
Me: U really changed the game. Hiphop will NEVER be the same.
Blipster: I like 2 get in twouble like a bad widdle boi...
Me: Oh Tyler, when will u evr learn?
Blipster: So r u gonna buy this jacket or what?
Me: I have to go to an ATM.
Blipster: Swag. Can I go with you?
Me: Swag.
Blipster: Swag.
Me: Swag.
Blipster: We're swaggin so hard right now!
Me: What happens in swag, stays in swag!
Blipster: I swagged on some girls' face last night!
Me: I went to Mickey D's and ordered a Big Swag!
Blipster: Haters are just jealous cuz we swaggin!
Me: I Turn My Swag On ALWAYS right before I leave my house...hahaha who am I kidding it was never off!!!
Blipster: Hurry up, let's get to this ATM. I know a Chase branch that is within walking distance.

When we reached Chase Bank, the blipster who looked like Tyler the Creator held me at gunpoint and forced me to withdraw the entirety of my checking account. He then pistol whipped me, leaving my face disfigured. It was at that moment that I realized it wasn't Tyler the Creator, because although Tyler the Creator is a 'bad widdle boi', he would never hurt one of his fans.

I guess I learned my lesson. Just because a blipster LOOKS like Tyler the Creator, it doesn't mean that it is actually him. It is more than likely just another blipster. I should have just told him that he looked swagalicious and walked away. I have to learn from my mistake, and hopefully improve my blipsterdar in 2k12.

Always, always trust your instincts. And when a blipster who looks like Tyler the Creators attempts to trick you to purchase his swag-looking jacket (or any piece of his garment for that matter), always be careful not to get ripped off, mugged, robbed, or even murdered. It seems like my desire to look swag got the best of me, and now, I will be in the hospital for the next 3 months as doctors attempt to reconstruct my Eustachian tubes.

Stay safe. God Bless.

Tyler, The Creator

Alternative Celebrity

Tyler is a teenage producer, rapper, and the leader of an experimental lofi shock-rap crew called Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All.

Lists: rappers, blipsters, Odd Future

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Photo by Last Nights Party

'The numbers just aren't adding up,' said my best friend, who recently became my business partner in a joint alt venture. We were really good friends, but at the same time, being in business together changed our relationship. We barely even hang out any more. I could hear the tension in his voice. We thought it was a really good idea, emerging markets, new media, old media, building a tribe, getting the word out on social media, reaching consumers both on the internet, and in real life. It was fool proof. We were basically going to be printing buzz money, opening up our own buzz mint. The trouble was, despite all of the buzz, the blog press, the decent turnouts, the merch, the meetings, the important emails, the time we met that famous & successful person who said they liked what we were doing, we were still ONLY making buzz dollars.

I guess I was wrong. Maybe it was a bad idea to start a buzzband / record label / blog / viral meme blog / aggregator of memes / party promotion firm / PR firm / online video series / site on the internet that changes the way that we interpret journalism / diy venue space / playhouse / mumblecore film collective / documentary film series / alt non-profit scam / party photo website / cassette tape label / online design company / microblogging service / alt-fundraising website / vintage store / online vintage store / t-shirt making company / art gallery space / booking agency / food truck / vegan restaurant / creative agency / zine / magazine / alt comedy troupe / [miscellaneous alt venture].

We met with my dad's friend, who was an accountant, and he told us every thing that we needed to get together in order to formalize our business. The truth was, taking a look at our business led us to realize that we weren't making any REAL money. It was a tough spot to be in. I second guessed all of our decisions. The time we printed flyers on glossy colored paper instead of just using a DIY copy machine. The time we hired my friend who is a designer to design our website but he overcharged us and left us with a broken website. The time I borrowed my mom's credit card to fly us to an important music and interactive conference in order to make connections, but we just ended up partying. Although it has been a wild ride, maybe the ride is pulling up to the final terminal. Not even a golden alt calculator could solve this mess. It was truly shaping up to be an Enron-level alt financial conspiracy.

He asked me, "Do you realize that we have never actually made money?"

It was at that moment that I realized that I didn't actually have an alt business. I was paying to have an identity. Sure, my twitter follower count was admirable, and I did have things to do every night of the week, but what was I really paying for? A mediocre presence in an alternative scene? I struggled to understand what I was trying to become a part of, an undying alt spirit that desperately wanted to contribute something to a community that might not even exist.

"I'm out. This is too much. I'm getting my old job back at my dad's company," said my friend.

I wasn't upset that he was leaving. This whole operation was my idea, anyways, and most of his ideas were super unoriginal and lame. I knew how to keep things authentic. But maybe keeping things authentic wasn't making any more and bringing in new clients, new visitors. In fact, I wasn't actually sure what we DID. But I was confident that I could figure it out on my own and utilize my tribe to get the word out that we were doing something different.

I thought about the first days of the business when we would just sit around on the internet and chat about how awesome things were going to get for us. VIP parties, tons of money, press, notoriety, validation from the scene, validation from our parents--we would have EVERYTHING. But maybe it was time to realize that this was never going to happen. The numbers just weren't adding up.

On days like today, I had to wonder if my entire alternative social experience misled me, leading me to a place where I had nothing to my name. No money, no alt fame, and just a bunch of connections with a bunch of other people who were pretending to be successful, just like me. Don't get me wrong, this was a valuable existence, and even if I have to begin a new venture, I am confident that it will work out because this experience exposed me to the harsh realities of what it takes to get an alt business off the ground and over the hump. But do I have the energy to do this again? Maybe I'm just not an alternative entrepreneur.

Was my alternative business a mistake?

It was just one of those days where you felt like ________ had everything, and you had nothing.