Why is it is cool 2 vote. | Hipster Runoff

Why is it is cool 2 vote.

This article was written by Grandpappy McWillersby, contributor to Huffington Post Old Foagies, Slate.com, Buzzfeed.com/SeniorCitizen and HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Hello my fellow Americans,

My name is Bill Willersby, and I am a citizen of the United States of America. I have seen a lot of changes in my day. When I was a young man, we used to call women who showed off a little bit of calf 'floozies.' Now, I turn on the TV and see more than I bargained for during the 5 am local newscast. Some probably see me moving slow in the super market and think I'm not with the times. That I think that M&M is a candy, not a rapper. But i'm 'with it.' I'm 'cool.' I've been known to talk some jive, and even my granddaughter introduced me to my first frappucino frozen ice milkshake. I tell ya, it tasted just like a custard freeze from down at the malt shoppe right next to the soda fountain pharmacy that I used to work at.

I tell ya, kids these days don't care about the times. They care more about the latest iPod nano, but don't realize that they can be a part of history by voting. How about I put it in young peoples words. Voting can be cool, here's why:

1. You might have an iPhone that has apps. What if I told you that voting was a lot like an app because you press a button and that's all it takes. Apps are cool. Voting is cool too.

2. The candidates are like stores down at the shopping mall. All you have to do is pick one that represents you. Some kids shop at Woolworth's. Others shop at Montgomery Ward. I'm a Sears man myself, but some kids can't help but shop at the Macy's and Foley's.

3. Gas prices. When I was a kid, gas cost about a nickel to fill up a tank. These days, you gotta pay at least two $20 bills to fill up the old station wagon. It shouldn't be that way. Go out and vote, kids.

4. Milk prices. When I was a kid, a jug of milk cost about a penny. These days, you gotta pay at least two $5 bills to fill up the old ice box. It shouldn't be that way. Go out and vote, kids.

5. God wants you to vote, and god is a cool guy. My grandsons go to a Bible camp every summer. One of the counselors has long hair. At first, I wasn't too keen on his looks, but when I heard his first sermon to the teen congregation, I understood that God takes many different forms, even the body of a hippie skater pot head Bob Marley lovin' sonbitch. I had the church drug test him, and he came back negative.

6. Jobs to the Chinamen--our economy is struggling. We cannot let those chinamen steal our economy. When I was a boy, we defeated the communist and the Nazis. I have no doubt that if you vote, we can defeat the chinamens, too.

7. The Middle East - I say we nuke em. Fuck em. Voting on that can be real cool, like one of those videogames that my grandson, Jacob, plays all day. I swear, he could direct that nuke right into downtown Iran and that would mean peace in the middle east.

8. Rappers and famous people vote -- Get out and rock the vote like your favorite super heroes and rock stars. People like Mick Jagger, Pete Best, and the cast of the Golden Girls all vote.

9. Gays--my old Uncle Gary was a gay. True story.

10. J-Z. I know who J-Z is. He is a rapper, rhyming over the rap beats. I'm not behind the times like I look. Get out and vote like J-Z.

I fought in the war for this country. You can take it from me, voting is cool, or my name isn't Bill Willersby. Voting can be cool and fun, so why don't you get one of your frozen yogurt ice creams when you're done and cool off with that. :-)

Rock the Vote!

While I do end all of my columns with my catchphrase "God Bless America." Today, I especially mean it.

Goodnight every one, and in the words of me:
God Bless America.


This article was written by Grandpappy McWillersby, contributor to Huffington Post Old Foagies, Slate.com, Buzzfeed.com/SeniorCitizen and HIPSTER RUNOFF.