What was the most memorable HRO post of 2k9?

By Carles | November 17, 2009

What post meant the most 2 u?
Did 1 post inspire u?
Did a post make u ‘lol’, then cry?
Was this the worst year of HRO in the history of HRO?
Is HRO the album of the decade?
Did Carles ‘peak’ when he invented the genre name ‘chillwave’?
What’s next for Carles in 2k10?
What kind of coverage do u want 2 see in 2k10?
Will tweens still be relevant in 2k10?
Are ‘altbros’ dead?
What was the most annoying ad campaign on HRO this year?
What type of coverage do u want 2 see on the Alt Report?
Was this the final year of HRO?
What will be the buzz terms/internet slang of 2k10?
Is ‘life’ a gift?
Is ‘life on the internet’ a greater gift?

HIPSTER RUNOFF: A safe place for teens and adults to hang out

Posted in Hipster Runoff | Tagged | 123 Comments

‘Are video games too violent for humans/do they inspire I.R.L. violence?’ -progressive journalism in the 90s

By Carles | November 16, 2009

Hey yall. As yall know, I spend most of my time on the internet, but sometimes I like to escape 2 a different reality by playing some video games. Decided to ’smoke a bowl of marijuana cigarettes’ and unwind by playing this new chill game. Had to go on a ‘mission.’

Damn. This game seems ‘mad violent.’ Like stuff that they use to train terrorists/miscellaneous evil people in the world who do things like ’shoot up high schools/colleges/work places.’ I wonder if it is good to have progressive games like this. Do u think they offer ‘truly sick people’ a reality where they can enact their rage, or is it more of an incubator for terrible I.R.L. things 2 happen? Sometimes I feel happy that some of the most ‘fucking pathetic’ people in society are lost in a world of video games, pornography, and Doritos/Hot Pockets. It makes me happy that they live indoors, and don’t even know what it feels like when the sun hits their skin. Feel like they get most of their perspectives on the world from movies like ‘The Matrix’ and other ideologically-charged action scifi movies.

Do u think it would be sweet to play a video game with these scenarios?

  • driving a UHAUL with a bomb up to a federal building and ‘blowing that shit up’
  • going on a serial killer type of spree where u rape/murder/bury bodies beneath ur house
  • flying planes into buildings
  • backpack bombing public areas
  • shooting up a school and having 2 kill over 50% of the students
  • trying to ignite a bomb on a commercial airliner

I wonder if video games are ‘better than ever.’ Maybe this is the type of stuff that all humans want 2 do, but now we finally have a realm where it is safe 2 do it.

Maybe all humans want the same things.  Maybe we just want 2 cum at all costs.

Just want a room full of vaginas to make love to.

Need a way to take out my tween angst.

So many different video games. Wonder which 1 I would be if I ‘loved video games.’ Feel like I might either be a tween who plays a Nintendo DS, and has digital friends/pets/possessions in a simulated world, or maybe just an old person who plays Wii to battle Alzheimer’s/depression/arthritis/diabetes.

Wish more video games brought humans 2gether, instead of promoting the killage of humans.

Want to connect with my local retirement community scene, coming together, celebrating our last years on Earth.

Feeling confused. At the beginning of this post, I thought video games were terrible for humanity, but then by the end of my internet research, I determined that there are positive uses for video game simulated technology. I feel like we need to promote human connections, but it would also be acceptable to round up the major threats to society, and allow them to get most of their life experiences in a simulated version of a violent reality.

It seems like if we programmed some sort of violent video game that took 40-100 years to beat, we could really save a lot of communities/international relations. Just want 2 live forever, and eliminate violence.

Not sure abt video games.
Do yall know of any video games that are safe/violent?
Are video games a ‘waste of time’?
Do u know if we could build some sort of system where we plug human brains into a hyper-reality, but actually use their body heat to create the energy that powers the computers that run our society?
Are video games ‘the master art’ since they combine all elements of modern art?


Previous Video Game Coverage
Game Boy Necklace Blipster….
Beatles Rock Band = ghey
Landing in the Hudson River video game

Posted in Relevant Commentary on Modern Issues | Tagged , , , , | 65 Comments

Flag Burning Alts [via BBQ]

By Carles | November 15, 2009
Photo via thechillerwhale


Flag burning alts,
What are you trying to prove?
Burning Old Glory over your coal-powered BBQ pit
If only u knew how beautiful our great country was
If only u knew abt those men who died 4 u in wars
If only u remembered what they taught u in American History (X)

Many Americans have ‘come 2gether as 1′, uniting around our coloured President’s 1st year in office
but others still continue to rebel
continue to laugh with their bros
as 50 stars & 50 stripes burn {like a candle in the wind [via Eltons Johnson]}

If only BBQ pits were ‘regulated’
and we could ensure that humans only burned animal-based foods on them
I can imagine how America feels, since Carles was once the victim of a metaphorical product burning.

Shame on any alt who BBQs the American flag
Shame on any alt who burns a war movie, such as ‘Platoon’, ‘Saving Private Ryan’, or ‘In the Army Now.’
Shame on any alt who thinks that this is good for ‘our scene.’
////worried about the ‘national media’ writing a piece about how ‘hipsters hate america and have flag burning parties’

Wonder if it is still ‘alt’ 2 h8 America, or if it is chill to <3 America.
Felt confused after I some of my high school ex-bros etched a swastika on a local golf course, mashed up with Obama.

Might open up an online tshirt boutique, kinda like how people can <3 NY.

Might get buzzed and watch a zany comedy about 3 Americans who enlist, get deployed 2 Iraq, but accidentally end up in Mexico and think that the 'fucking beaners' are the 'Iraqi Savages.'

God Bless America
Support our Troops
(Sorta missin George W. Bush. Worried Obama wasn’t the right man 4 the job.)


Remember the time those alts dressed up as ‘the twin towers’ [via 9-11]?
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/09/seen-any-possibly-inappropriate-costumes-lately.html

Hope this isn’t a metaphor.

(worried that the PBR brand will get tied to this scandal)

Posted in Politics and Global Issues | Tagged , , , , , | 78 Comments

What should I get my alternative son for Christmas?

By Carles | November 13, 2009
Product via coolcats


I love my son. He truly is the mirror image of me. It’s kinda weird how kids are so impressionable… sorta reminds me of consumers… Maybe kids and consumers have the same kind of brain… all of us have so many wants and needs, and maybe products really can fulfill us/make us happy. Srsly though… u should see his iPod… we have a lot of the same pop-electro sensibilities, but also an appreciation of indie conceptual ballads.

I feel like I might buy these Daft Punk dolls for my son. I never really let him watch traditional kid programming (crap like Sesame Street, Muppets, Dora The Explorer, etc). Mainly just put art films/indie movies ‘on repeat’ in his play room DVD player. He absolutely loves the hit film Electroma. I don’t really think it is healthy for him to identify with characters that every other kid on the planet has identified with for the past 20+ years. I want him to be a pure alternative spirit (This is why I made his mother birth him in a pool of Sparks while listening to Animal Collective’s hit album “Sung Tongs”).

I want my son to have a ’special’ Christmas, and not just because it is Christmas and kids ‘get kewl shit.’ I need my son to have a truly unique Christmas that he will remember forever. I am considering ‘booking’ a relevant buzzband to play a few of their hit songs when he comes down the stairs on Xmas morning. Might also commission some sort of mp3 to be created by Sufjan Stevens.

////beginning 2 brainstorm my xmas list
////what do u want 4 xmas?
///worried about getting 2 many iTunes gift cards from relatives who don’t ‘get’ me


Previous Lil Alt Coverage
I am the littlest alt
Should I buy a lil alt?
Lil Alt beer holder
Lil Alt human accessory
The First Lil Alt

Posted in 1 | Tagged , , | 92 Comments