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EXCLUSIVE PREMIERE: Beyonce and Jay-Z release first pictures of their fake baby! (8 comments) |
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GRAPHIC PHOTO: Cults lead singer Brian Oblivion suffers severe 3rd degree burns to face (5 comments) |
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NYTimes calls Lana Del Rey 'a skinnier Adele'. Do they h8 fatties? (19 comments) |
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Bon Iver's Justin Vernon apologizes 2 Carles. Has he won the first battle against the Corrupt Indie Machine? (13 comments) |
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I Am Carles Returns with LIMITED EDISH VALENTINE'S DAY shirt. (17 comments) |
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Madonna says M.I.A. ruined her show, is 'a stupid teenager' (8 comments) |
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Alexis Krauss shows off her BANGIN BOD in GQ Magazine. She truly is 'Sexi Lexi.' (18 comments) |
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"BUZZ BANDS" was a category on Jeopardy. Have BUZZ BANDS crossed over 2 the mnstrm? (15 comments) |
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Tyler the Creator spotted bronoodling with 'this nigga' Kanye West. Are Big Thangs Poppin? (11 comments) |
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LANAMANIA hits Los Angeles, frenzied fans begin sobbing in Lana Del Rey's presence (36 comments) |
Digital technology and social media can be liberating for any human being, no matter your age, race, size, color, or religious background. It gives is the opportunity to capture moments 4evr, but these moments become meaningless rituals. Every year, we go to a local retailer to purchase Christmas gifts. But what if I told u that ur mundane reality was ready 2 be challenged?
At first, I was confused. Just searching for the Michael Buble/She & Him Christmas album in the music section of Target. A crappy version of Wham's "Last Christmas" came on. Old people swarmed from hidden aisles, dancing around like savages. I was annoyed. I stopped--I stared. I saw my entire life flash b4 my eyes. I saw myself growing older. This was truly their last dance. Their first and last digital footprint that will be uploaded 4evr into the cloud.
Old ppl vibing in a flash mob.
This is what it means 2 be alive.
Later that day, I was going shopping for cargo jeans at JCPenney's. It happened again. A tribe of wonderful old people, delightfully dancing around. Challenging social norms. Being alive. Celebrating. I could not escape from the zombie-like shuffle of their dance moves. Smiling, laughing, eager to share links with their loved ones.
I no longer felt afraid to grow older, uglier, fatter, irrelevant-er, out of touch-er, insane-er. Seeing these old ppl flash mob made me know 4 sure that no matter how old I was, I could still broadcast myself 2 the world. Old. Haggard. Lamestream. There is beauty in the breakdown of my body.
I settled down into the cafeteria for a jello dinner. It happened again. Confused. Alive. Sad. Alone. Together. The feelings of a flash mob. The feelings of an old person.
When u r old, will u participate in flash mobs?
Did these old ppl 'kill the vibes' or challenge social norms?
Do these old ppl make u feel 'alive' or 'effing doomed'?
Do old ppl make u smile, or do they make u cry?
Will u put ur parents in a home that facilitates flash mob behavior, or will they just be put on tons of meds and left to gaze into a tv screen while they shovel liquid-based foods into their mouths?
Grampy & Granny
Who would have known
that ur spirit was so, so young
until I bought u non-VIP passes to a relevant local music festival
(Old ppl already think they are VIP when they attend an event 4 young ppl)
Dance! Dance! Like u soiled ur disposable underpants!
Touch the sky!
Listen! The sounds of indie buzzbands are timeless
THEY WILL LIVE 4EVER IN OUR UNIVERSAL VIBES!
ALAS!
Young@Heart
4evr&evr
Granny
I know the bottled water is expensive
But u should treat urself
Stay hydrated
Let grampy drink a cold one
Smoke some magic pipe 2gether
and vibe out
visions of nostalgic images of youth
Meet me in 'the pit'
4 the headliner
and u'll finally understand me, grampies
You'll finally 'get' me
THIS is my life
THIS is indie
Nana
Papa
This is ur time.
XX BONUS CAN HEAD BRO XX
Are can hats going to be a relevant festival trend in 2k11?
Should I go 2 a frat house and get some Keystone Lite cans 2 make my own?
Just opened up my Macbook
Tons of bullshit windows open
Photobooth overloaded with snapshots
My iTunes Library some how became 'disorganized'
WTF Grandma
Get the fuck off my Macbook
I know you indirectly purchased it for me
because you are old and don't know how to spend your money in the modern world
so u just spend it on your spoiled grand kids
but for god's fucking sake
Can u please get your own goddamn macbook
Watching a video of you and your 'bff' (that means best friends forever)
dancing to the Black Eyed Peas
Messing around with visual effects
I know you think this is cool and exciting
but that shit is lame
and if u wanna do that, I'll drag ur ass down to the Apple Store
and let u deal with a 'fucking Genius'
But as for now
plz get the fuck off my goddamned macbook
I do a lot of important shit on my macbook, grandma
Look at facebook, update twitter
masturbate to internet porn
login to my online community college course
Cyberbully tons of tweens
Get tons of sweet deals on groupon
Google tons of 'dark shit'
U have no business going on my Macbook
I don't know who you think u r
or what sort of 'sense of entitlement' u have
to think u can just invade my shit
You need to learn some effing respect
and get the fuck off my goddamned Macbook
You are a selfish, stupid, dumb woman
And if you don't listen to me, I am going to STRONGLY RECOMMEND to mom and dad
that it is time 2 lock u away in a home
(There would be free Macbooks + iPods there, though, so maybe u would want to go).
Besides, u already took plenty of authentic retro vintage pix of urself
when u were a 20something
Stop stealing my technology
Bc ur really selfish and I am ashamed of u.
This isn't a toy
This isn't an anti-Alzheimer's brain stimulation device
This isn't a game
This isn't a pocket mirror
This isn't a fun house mirror
This isn't just any other contraption
It's a Macbook
It's powerful
It can do a lot of shit
(Shit that you can't handle)
You make me so fucking angry, grandma
Now I understand how you raised my dad
Learn some effing respect
And get the fuck off my goddamned Macbook
You are a witch
You are a whore
You are a filthy, disgusting, selfish, tween-ass human being
You are so vain
Get the fuck ovr urself
Ur 'identity'
How 'beautiful' u r
how many friends u have on facebook
How many tagged photos ur in
...I used to be like u...
But then I grew the fuck up...
Goddamn you, grandma
One day I'll be at your funeral
and by then I'll have a new Macbook Air
And I'll throw my old Macbook in the grave with u
and I'll say
"Thanks a whole fucking lot...
Have fun on Photobooth
Making vlogs
...in hell."
Has ur unchill grandma ever used ur Macbook?
Do u feel ashamed of old ppl when they think technology is 'cool'?
Should old ppl not be allowed to play with Macbooks/iPhones/technology?
Do u have more respect for old ppl who don't try 2 catch up with 'modern times'?
Do u get pissed off when an old lady in front of u at the grocery store uses a checkbook 2 pay for her shit and takes 'effing forever' and ur like 'get a g-d debit card', or are u like 'awww. s0 retr0 vintage' ?
Do u respect ur elders or do u know u r better than them?
Does Granny Need 2 Learn Some Goddamned Respect?
Name that Alternative Celebrity LookAlike is a fun gimmick game where u see a picture of a normal alternative person who looks kinda like a famous alternative buzz artist or musician. Can u guess who this old lady kinda looks like?
She looks really familiar...can't quite put my finger on who she reminds me of... this is rlly driving me crazie. plz help
Hints:
The person who correctly identifies the alternative celebrity will receive a free Genre Shirt from the I AM CARLES store.
Who do yall think she looks like?
Alice Glass is the lead singer of Crystal Castles. She is known for her KrAzY onStAgE aNtiCs.
Read more>>>>
Hey yall. This is actually a serious post for once. I recently went home to visit with my family, who I usually don't like to talk about on my blogsite since they mean a lot to me (at least since the divorce). However, I experienced something that I need help coming to terms with, and I feel like a lot of the RanoffCommunity could help me with some strategies on 'how 2 deal.' I guess I just wanted to say... my lil brother is turning alt.
What should I do?
I feel like I could help him become an authentic alt, but I don't know if there is a 'roadmap' towards altdom that he could follow. I became alt very organically, so it is just troubling to see him dress like an alt without actually 'living the life' that I have lived. His look is so tidy, as if it was purchased from the local shopping centre. I am not sure how to feel about his aesthetic. He can't even grow 'real' facial hair yet. Part of me is happy 4 him, but part of me is jealous that he has more alt opportunities than I had while I was growing up.
I looked in his dresser and saw that he had a 'collection of scarves.' Nearly constructed a 'noose' out of them and hung myself.
Well yall. While I'm getting personal, I might as well talk a lil bit about my sister. She's 16, and she's grown up so fast. I was always worried about her 'becoming a slut', and I don't think she has really been 'tainted.' I think she wants to go to Pratt, or some stereotype like that, even though my parents have saved enough for her to go to a State University.
(Also I think she started smoking... Not sure whether or not I should have an intervention or if I should let her get the cancer.)
Not gonna worry about her...she's gonna make her own decisions.
I guess that's life... u can choose ur friends but u can't choose ur family. I guess I should just be happy that they are searching 4 meaning, attempting 2 be alt... attempting to express themselves... I guess 'alt blood' sorta runs in the family.
Whenever I have a question about life, I can always just ask my grammy.
It's kinda weird how she has become more alt as time has gone on. I'm not sure if she's 'losing it', or if living so many years on this Earth can teach u a few things about life, society, indie music, and zany fashion-forward fashions. I don't even know if she is 'trying' 2 be alt... It seems like she has a way of finding all of tomorrow's fashions without even trying. Might go to my local drug store to buy some 'old ppl glasses.'
I feel better. It was a good weekend at home. I guess I should just learn how to be happy for my family. Let them grow up. Let them make their own mistakes. U just want every1 to be happy, enjoy their youth, make their own decisions.
I'm afraid 2 die. Afraid of 'loved ones' dying.
Should I 'beat the shit' out of my brother/sister 4 being an 'inauthentic piece of shit'?
Are old ppl 'naturally alt'?
How do u deal with ur siblings and the impact of 'modern consumer culture' on their identity construction process?
Just saw this video of this alt grandma shaking her muther effing ass in the middle of a dance circle of 'effing hipsters.' She seems to be a true inspiration 2 all of these young people, showing that 'alt' + 'fun' have no age, and you can have an alternative personal brand until you are old, and young people will still <3 u and want to 'take u home at the end of the night.'
Do u think she is just a lost old woman with dementia, trying to get to the grocery store, but instead having a stroke in the middle of a relevant alt DJ event?
Do u think her 'mom jeans' / 'grandma jeans' make her ass look mad apple bottomed?
Sorta wish she was born in the 1980s/1990s so I could vibe with her at a younger age. Love the way she moves. Feel like her fanny pack takes her personal brand 2 the next level, probably carrying things in there like 'pain killers', ecstasy, insulin, and fish oil gel caps. Maybe even a smart snack--something like trail mix or a LUNA bar.
Used 2 be worried about growing older, but now I feel relieved.
Just wanna be 'alt' 4 ever, going to relevant events with free alcohol sponsorship.
Getting 'effed the eff up'
Being young forever
making out with 'barely legals'/'barely illegals' who are new 2 the scene.
Do u think she is a good dancer, or does she need to 'stay at home and watch TV'?
Are her moves 'kinda shitty' but just overrated since she is old, and most old people have to get around with the assistance of 'walkers'? [via stereotypes]
R u worried about growing older and ur personal brand dying?
Do u want to be alt forever, or will u go mainstream 1 day 2 raise a family?
Do people 'overreact with praise' when people who are excessively 'young' and/or 'old' do some sort of ethnic dancing?
'omg'
