HIPSTER RUNOFF » alternative broads

An ode to alternative women.

Carles — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 22:40:44 +0000

This picture made me think about how important alternative women are.

[Photo by Yap Snaps]
Would I still be the same person if alternative QTs had some sort of skin-eating disorder/disease? What if the tug economy dried up? What if there were no entrylevelaltgrls/altbaguettes to have late nite conversations with? Would I still be the same person?

Without alternative women, there would be no alt.

Entry Level alt girls
altBroads.
altbaguettes.
Empty altDivas who are 300% less interesting and less ‘connected to what’s relevant’ than their personal brand would indicate.
Moderately thick girls who turned to being ‘alternative’ because mainstreamers wouldn’t let them brand their underlying quirky identity.
‘alternative sorority girls’ who dress like sorority girls but have alternative faults which leave them longing for a more meaningful life outside of their sorority house where ‘u don’t pay for ur friends–u find them at Of Montreal concerts/music festivals.’
Even malnourished raver girls who altbros wouldn’t mind settling for are important.

All of these femalts are important. They are as important as alcohol. They are as important as the headlining DJ. They are as important as the party photography. The alternative female economy is the reason we all keep going.

Without alternative females, altbros would not be altbros. Without alternative females, there would not be ‘kute dancey chicks’ who have the spirit of some1 being at a concert for the first time. Without alternative females, the thrift store economy would collapse on itself because poor people don’t actually shop at thrift stores. Without alternative females, there would be no1 to be meaningful waitstaff at local moderately upscale restaurants.

I never want a mainstream girl.
I will always want an alternative girl.
Give me alternative breasts, or give me death.

Dear alternative female,
you are important 2 me.
<3 CRLS
PS: miss u
PPS: treat urself 2 an appetizer at Chili’s and bill it to my paypal account. <3u

What Music Will Sound Like/Music Videos Will Look like in 2k8

Carles — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 01:48:00 +0000

[HIGHLY TUGGABLE BARELY LEGAL ALTS {circa age 15}]

<3 alt broads rolling around on the floor like sexie beached whales <3

Question from a concerned HRO reader:

What is the female equivalent of an ‘alt bro’? u kno
the kind that wear amapp headbands n carry round a
lomography camera to all the hella dp’s they r invited
to?

Should I start a party pix site with a lomography camera, a headband, and a dream?

Which 1 Turns U on more?

Carles — Fri, 30 May 2008 23:50:00 +0000

Pictures that feature skinnie alt broads

-OR-

Pictures that feature skinnie alt broads getting their munch on.

BE CONFIDENT IN URSELF.
DON’T WORRY ABT UR WEIGHT.
TRUE FRIENDS LOVE U 4 WHO U R, NOT WHAT U LOOK LIKE.
DON’T B AFRAID 2 B URSELF.
BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN ARE HUMANS, TOO.
Look at urself naked in front of the mirror for at least 1 hour per day to learn how 2 ‘accept’ your inner and outer beauty.

What do yall think?
Will you wear skinnie jeans for the rest of your life?

[Photos by LNP & the CBRSNK]

I <3 Classy Alternative Broads

Carles — Thu, 15 May 2008 20:55:00 +0000

Party Pix are critical in capturing every vital moment of the night. Party pix aren’t just about posing for the camera in fabricated tragically alt/earnestly alt poses in your red flannel toga or gashed leggings. Party pix capture real life, like when these alternative broads had 2 take a leak.

BFFs piss 2gether.

Do you usually pee in public?
Or are u into the resurgence of the lofi public bathroom scene?
I think there’s actually a genre of girls who like getting their picture taken while they are peeing.

[Photo by AsCoolAsItGetsSF]