I think that it is harder to be a ‘girl’ than it is to be a ‘bro.’ Especially in the alternative world. I feel like this girl is ‘very brave’ to wade across this sea of altbros, being moved around by the spirit of electro. I am not sure if I would trust so many bros with my body. Feel like a lot of guys would ‘have a grab at my goods’ or something. Might feel ’sexie’ if they went home and ‘jerked off’ to thinking about touching me, though.

I feel like girls are ‘objectified’ in a different way, and have to meet very high standards to not only be ‘hot’, but to also be ‘authentic.’ I feel like girls are ‘not as funny’ and ‘not as creative in ways that enable you to naturally socially climb.’ I think that bros who are ‘creative’ don’t have to be ‘talented’ and can utilize ‘forced’ gimmicks. Girls who are ‘trying to expand their personal brands’ are usually ‘annoying’ and ‘jappy’ or possibly ‘desperate’ and ’sad.’ Feel like it is always a combo that is ‘terrible’, and then they end up with some inauthentic bro, and the enable some sort of ‘weirdo reality.’

Feel sad that ‘we’re all insignificant’, but I feel that women are still generally ‘crazie’ and ‘are searching HARD 4 meaning’, even if they pretend to ‘not give shit’, even girls who ‘just do a lot of blow and listen to bloghouse and like 2 go thrifting.’ Feel like bros just want ‘2 cum’ on as many girls as possible. Feel like broads just want ‘to be special’ and ‘different’ in ways that might be difficult 2 fulfill.

I feel like girls are ’sadder’ and ‘take things very seriously.’ I feel like bros are ‘insecure’ and ‘angsty.’ I feel like we all want to be special. I feel like we all want to be ‘hot’, ‘relevant’, and ‘fuck lots of people’, but I think bros and girls might ‘get different things out of it.’ I feel weird when people say that they ‘just want to connect with a lot of people.’

I feel like being a ‘homosexual’ might make relationships easier. Not sure, though.

I feel like HRO would not have any readers if I blogged as ‘Carla’ or ‘Cynthia’ or ‘Jessica’ or some other female name. I feel like less people would want to ‘identify with’ me, or something.

Just another bro
making his way in the world
trying to find
love
a tug
and meaning
unsure about my sexuality

Would u rather be a boy or a girl?
If u were able to ’switch genders’, would u masturbate more or less than u do now?

All my life, I’ve been told what not 2 do.

No smoking.

No ghosts.

No running.

No fun.

No kidz allowed.

These days, I don’t even know who I am any more. I’ve been told what not 2 do, but I don’t actually know know TO DO. I don’t know how 2 create my own happiness. I know that America is the only country with ‘free will’, but I just have 2 many decisions 2 make about my future.

I want 2 be happie, but I don’t even know how 2 do that. I want 2 be in a meaningful relationship, but I also want 2 cum with as many ppl as possible 2 feel attractive. I want 2 be intelligent, but I also want to know a lot about ‘dumb shit.’ I want 2 be in a meaningful city, but I don’t know which 1. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself. I want 2 party, but I want to do something that changes the way that millions of ppl think/makes their lives’ better. I want to cure the swine flu. I want to invent something. I want to be an architect and designer. I want to play in the NBA Finals. I want to be the first African American President of the United States of America.

I want to do so much.
But I am an uncertain bro.
I don’t know what I stand for.
I don’t know what I stand against.

I am an Uncertain Bro.
Not sure what I am doing with my life.
Sorta wish I lived in Utopia
and had subconsciously Christian values

What do u want 2 do?

“I guess this is growing up.” – Blink 182 / TRV$ DJAM

Heard that there was some sort of economic and global rights summit for all of the world’s most important leaders in the world to ‘talk about important stuff’, kinda like when tweens have a sleepover. Apparently, there were ‘protesters’ who wanted these leaders to know that ’shit was fucked’, so they ‘got all violent’ to ‘make a scene’ and ‘make sure that their voices were heard’. It was kinda like they were simulating ‘anarchy’, or other concepts from punk music. Not sure if I identify with them. Feel sort of resigned to not being in control of global policies.

Not sure why every1 wants ‘things 2 get better.’ Wish they’d realize that there’d be no more art if ‘things were perfect’ cuz most great art is inspired by ‘how we wish the world was a certain way’, or something like that. We just want every1 2 relate 2 our suffering and stuff.

Sad that the altBro in a Keffiyeh/neon palestinian scarf gave alternative people a bad name. Think these scarves might be dead. Not sure if I want 2 wear mine, or else riot police will break into my apartment and execute my family. Not sure why the bro is throwing a sweet ass flat screen through a window. Seems like a good screen to chill and watch DVDs on. Think this protest was in France, so not sure why he is wearing an Atlanta Braves baseball cap. Must be ‘alt’ to wear American caps in France.

Do yall ‘believe’ in anything? Or do yall just like 2 go to events with a lot of people because ‘chaos might happen.’ Was hoping that would happen at the Obama Inauguration, but I think every1 ‘pussed out.

Feel upset. Wish that instead of ‘getting violent’, the protestors could have done something zany, like ‘a flash mob’ [sponsored by T-Mobile].

flashmobs seem like the only way to ‘really make people think’ these days about how ‘absurd’ our world is…

/////////////
More pix from the G20 protests via ‘The Big Picture’

‘we believe in something, yall. gotta update my fb status 2 tell people i’m chillin somewhere ‘relevant’ on a global scale.’

‘gotta take some kewl pix for my flickr account. might live tweet about how ‘bad ass’ this ’shit’ is.’

‘Wish we coulda broken in2 a Mac Store.’

‘feel angry about society and my parents.’

Sort of wish this was an American Apparel hoodie with the white strings so it could be ‘like an advertisement.’

Man’s Best Friend, yall!

‘Feel sad about my iPhone breaking in a scrum. Wish I had bought the dorky case for it like my parents recommended. Didn’t buy insurance for $5/month.’

What do yall believe in?

Now that they have grown up a lil bit more and are becoming ‘men’, they have different needs, and are a little bit more comfortable with ‘who they are.’ They have started listening to music that is more authentic than electro, and even constructed a positive personality which helped them to ‘get girls.’

[Photos via The Chiller Whale]
Do yall miss the glory days of altbros?
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/the-essence-of-altbro.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/the-genre-of-alt-bros-who-are-impossible-to-take-seriously.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/04/the-alternative-bro-golden-age.html

Does n e 1 know if there is an emerging bro group in 2k9?
Feel kinda like I still ‘have the same mindset’ from _ years ago. Do yall
know if u just maintain the same personality from ur formative years 4 the rest of ur life?

I just googled ‘alt bro’ to see how relevant I am, and I saw there was an urban dictionary definition 4 it.

Do yall agree, or is this a failed interpretation of the term that I invented?
Are altbros undefinable, since they are ‘always changing’ with culture?

/// WHERE // HAVE // ALL // THE // ALTBROS // GONE?

• the death of electro
• the death of neon
• the rise of AnCo
• the rise of conceptual-core music
• realizing that their personal brand will ensure that they die alone/tugless
• altbros getting older and having to ‘more responsibilities’
• altbros getting older and finding a new gimmick
• Am Appy hoodie branding getting to be ‘too entry level’
• excessive facial hair takes away their boyish look

I’m rlly gonna miss altbros, yall. Do yall have any good altbro memories? Like when I murdered an altbro. Or the homeless altbro. Or when I started turning from altbro 2 altbag. Or childpred altbro. Or the altbro watching a DJ with a hypemachine tshirt on. Or the oldest altbro alive. Or the Obama+Altbro combo. Or the hardxcore altbro. Or altbro=love. or that altbro chillin at a music festival. Or that jokerAltBro. or the LID altbros. or mstrkrft altbro. Or hornie altbro. Or the forgettable altbros. or SkirtBro. Or invisiAltBro. Or altbro who wants 2 be a DJ. Or the 2headed altbro. Or 2 altbro thumbs up.

Or The Essence of AltBro.

Does n e 1 else miss 2k8 and ‘the altbro aesthetic’?

“Where have all the altbros gone?” – Paula Cole

“miss yall!” – Indians & savages when the ‘white man’ killed the buffalos 4 fun

More alternative bro coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/alternative-bros

The puddle is probably
a) pee
b) period
c) Sparks
d) coffee
e) PBR
f) 5- Hour Energy
g) Coke Zero
h) Gatorade
i) Sinus drippage
j) miscarriage sauce
k) Love Juice (Moulinex Remix)
l) Chik Fil A dipping sauce
m) Grey Poupon
n) p00p
o) “Dookie” an album by the Green Days
p) Fiji Water
q) homeless man sauce
r) homeless woman drainage
s) runoff
t) melted CDs
u) trail of tears
v) cum
w) Windex/Lysol (he is a bus boi)
x) the blood of Ronald Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson [via O.J.]
y) vomit
z) choose.your.own.response

///Where’s AltDo?

In 2k9, will alt officially be mainstream? Worried after taking the alt census, yall. ///scared

[Photo by Cobrasnake]

XX BONUS ALTBROS on the prowl XX

‘Today, we have a chance. We have a dream. We will be tugged.’
-from the book AltBro in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

///////
// My first meaningful alternative experience
////////

My mom was about to pick up me and a couple of my friends at a music festival. I really had to twist her arm to let me go. I wore something conservative, but brought my zany outfit in my bag. No way my dad would let me go out like that. The music festival was the most fun I had my whole life. I love being around people. I love people watching. I love listening to other people’s conversations. This is because I have an interesting perspective on the world.
As the night wound down, and we got more buzzed from half-empty cans of Sparks/Coors Light, I looked at all of my friends. They were real. We understand one another. I am proud of my alternative group. We are bigger than just one individual, and bigger than our collective alternative soul. We are relevant. We are young. We are free.
We will live forever.
Part of the us never dies.
I have arrived. I am officially an authentic alt.
My friends are spending the nite. (can’t wait 4 college when every nite is a sleep over.)

//////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

XX BONUS GUIDO TECHNO HOUSE CORE FAN XX

“House Music.” – This bro
“Carl Cox is a genius.” – this bro
“I just picked up the new Paul Van Dyk single.” – this bro
“Dance. Hard.” -this bro

XX BONUS GEOGRAPHY LESSON XX

A Revised Map of Australia in the post Electro+Alt world.

Is it the altbro in the front of a DJ set wearing a sweat drenched hypemachine tshirt with his hand raised and his messenger bag over his shoulder full of vinyl records & a white Macbook?

Do u check the hypemachine more than u check myspace/fb? Does that make u authentic/ an authentic music fan?

Or is a better picture that captures the essence of altBro 2 altBros who brought overt indicators of having merged their personal brands with Girl Talk AT a Girl Talk concert?

[lastnitesaltbro]

Did yall read about Girl Talk in the New Yorke Times?
Are Mashups ‘art’? Does something automatically become ‘not art’ after 2 many inauthentic people like it? (a.k.a. the HRO in 2k9 theory)

Can some1 build a timeline that documents the mainstreamization of Girl Talk so that we can study how things go from ‘authentic buzzworthy viral’ to ‘maltsream’ to ‘mnstrm’ to ‘xx(main)streme)’ [a mix of X-treme+Mainstream].

Do u ever feel like ‘I wish I wasn’t s00 self-aware–would totes be ttlly happie if I didn’t ‘get’ life.’
Would u trade ur self-awareness for an AZN/entry level hornie alt/MeximAlt ?
S0 many decisions–ultimately I just want 2 be authentic.
Stay focused on ur long term goal of authentic personal brand sustainability.

XX BONUS ALTINO BROS XX

I wonder if Altino Bros are more in touch with electro and/or culture than WHITE altbros.
Is there such thing as electroTejano?
PART OF THE ALTINO NEVER DIES.

[Photos by every1isAltino]