APP #1: Mad Decent App
Saw this DJ app by the popular subsidiary of Down Town Records, MAD DECENT.
The popular DJ bro ‘Diplo’ smokes ‘a blunt’ and ‘explains how the app works. I think it just takes zany sounds that they sample, and allows you to make ’sick beats.’

I think this is how Diplo produced the popular song ‘Paper Planes (ft M.I.A.)”. He basically just took tons of zany sounds and ‘made them big.’ Think this might be a new electro model for the startup myspace DJ duo that me and my bro are starting out. I think they call it ‘the Mario Paint Musical Composer’ style of producing beats.

Wish Nintendo would turn this in2 some sort of ‘iPhone app’/sell it for the Wii/Nintendo DS.

APP #2: Cocaine App
I also saw this really kewl iPhone application that allows me to do blow off my iPhone. Not sure if the cocaine is real, or if the app lets me network with local drug dealers to ‘get the best price’ on a kilo.

Can’t believe my dream finally came true. [see previous memorable post]

I heard that in our modern world, bands no longer need to ‘make albums/songs.’ All they really need to do is create iPhone apps. Scared that we will only need iPhones/iPods to run applications/musical programs in the future. Think the future of the computer is ’somewhere between lappy and iPhone gadget.’

Just want to build the perfect ‘app’ that is ‘fun’ AND ‘useful’, kind of like an iPhone.

Does n e 1 know what ‘apps’ is short for?
What kind of phone do yall have, and do u have any kewl apps/games on it like ‘Snake’?

sent from my iPhone

Yall. I’m pissed. Every time I buy a new Mac product that I’m promised is the best product in the history of mankind, I have to get a new product in like 3 months. Getting really angry that 25% of my annual income goes to Apple. It’s starting 2 add up and I think I’m going to have to cut back on my ‘going out’ budget to focus on using my tech devices.

Everything just keeps getting smaller & faster. I think it just means that AZN ppl who work in factories are ‘learning how 2 make things better’, like that Daft Punk anthem.

But srsly yall… I’m still just a sucker for products that are painted different colours. Still thinking about what colour represents ME.

I kind of miss the days when technology was ‘a bigger sacrifice.’ Sort of like a scarlet letter, except in a good way. Cell phones were ‘huge.’ Computers were not ‘portable.’ Disc space took up a lot of physical space [via floppy discs --> CDs --> flash drives]. Feel like it’s just easier to ‘get gimmicked’ into technological lifestyle brands. Ppl don’t even evaluate their needs n e more. Ppl assume that since it is ‘newer’, it is more useful. Also, if ur getting a gift some some1, it makes it seem like u care more if the gift is ‘the hottest new product’ that is getting a lot of headlines.

Just feeling kind of detached from society these days.  Might move 2 the woods with a record player.

Do yall like the ‘design’ of the new iPod shuffle, or were u let down that it didn’t have a 1 inch X 1 inch touch screen Graphic User Interface?

Product Name: iPhone Raw Nano
Manufacturer: Apple
Lead Designer: Steve Jobs, an JAPANAZN bro, and a swiss coolhunting blogger
Photograph:

Overall grade: 4 out of 5 AZN sweatshop tweens
Review: The iPhone Raw is Steve Jobs’es answer to the Google Blackberry phone. As opposed to focusing on what Google does better, it tried to appeal to an older audience, focusing on the ‘book reading’ aspects of the iPhone, stripping away features like the actual telephone and the vibrant application market. In addition, there is no longer storage for mp3s or windows media files.

However, the new iPhone is a lot like a book. U can download books, and read them. In order to be a ‘greener’ product, the new iPhone does not have a colour display, nor does it have a multitouch or single-touch screen. In order to challenge existing design constructs and get us back to our glory days, there are a lot of buttons, and an entire keyboard. There is no facebook access on this device, but they are working on a Twitter fixpack.

I can see this new iPhone appealing to a lot of authentic tech heads who understand design and ‘want to get back to basics.’ U might also want 2 get one for ur parents as they grow older and still love to read books. Kinda confused about what I would do with it, but I’m sure it comes with some cool games like Solitaire, Spider Solitaire, Jezzball, Snake, Ski Fri, or Battle Chess.

Apple has once again mastered design and identified a need that we didn’t even know we wanted. Kinda like when the iPhone came out and I waited in line for 30 days to make sure I got one. Then I took a poop and used my phone while feces dropped out of my body. It was a metaphor.

___________________________
Carles is a Tech Beat Writer for HIPSTERRUNOFF.com and a contributor to TechBros Magazine.

//////////////////
Are yall gonna get an iPhone?
OR do u think ur gonna have some1 put a desktop computer in2 ur tummie?

Dear Mom,
I h8 how u do not ‘get’ me 1 bit. U need 2 pay attention 2 me so that u don’t end up looking like a dumbass shitface who ‘doesn’t care about her son’ when u try to do something nice 4 me. Recently, u went to a local Best Buy to get me a meaningful gift to go with last Christmas’s Macbook stocking stuffer. U decided 2 get me an iPod touch.

First of all… I already have an iPhone. Totally don’t need an iPod touch. s00 dumb. U srsly should NOT be alive. U need 2 read more actual publications on the internet instead of reading the local paper from 2 years ago. U think ur smart because u ‘have a career’ but the shit u do is meaningless, and I would srsly slit my own throat and wrists if I had 2 do what u do every day. There’s more to ‘life’ than ur version of life–I wish u could see it my way so that you’d understand my most recent personal brand implementation.

I SRSLY JUST TOOK A BOTTLE OF SLEEPING PILLS I AM SO PISSED OFF AT LIFE. /////

N e ways, Just wanted 2 let u know that record players are the new iPods. Just a more ‘organic’ feeling when ur listening to music. Like ur closer to the artist. (I might also give up my iPhone and only use pay phones.)

I h8 the idea of
1) purchasing mp3s
2) being ’so portable’ just like every1 else
3) co-branding myself with white earbuds
4) having some ghey-metallic coloured iPod
5) being ’so connected’ with a wifi connection
6) the audio quality isn’t authentic
7) Apple is a BULL SHIT MONOPOLY
8) The recent Apple product recall because Steve Jobs’s disease ‘contaminated’ a bunch of product lines

Record players are the future bc U have to make a decision about ‘where u want to be’ and make sure that your apartment/room/space is extra meaningful. It’s also more difficult to ‘collect vinyls’ than it is to collect mp3s, so it makes you ‘love music’ more that typical people.

I wish u’d realize how ‘out’ iPods are. They are for high schoolers and overgrown tweens. Do u really think I look like this guy?

[Photo via Easy Fashion]

/// h8 the shit out of u, mom
/// we used to be ‘bros’ right after dad ‘left us’
/// but now I am finally seeing
/// that I was the 1 worth leaving.

Love,
your altSon

PS: can u leave me some pizza money 4 the weekend?

Don’t yall h8 it when some1 gives you an iTunes gift card? I wish I could explain ‘the way that I am’ to them, and the way that my music accumulation process works.

• I read blogs that give me free mp3s.
• I do not download albums.
• I do not download mainstreamer albums.
• I am a bro who accumulates music from the hypemachine.
• The iTunes catalog does not have the [indie rarities] that satisfy my needs as a high level music consumer.
• I don’t even listen to mp3s. I only listen to audio files in high quality WAV format, or AIFF format.

Just wish I could explain all this to old people who ‘don’t understand me.’ It just makes me sad that they don’t understand my personal brand. When they see this dreadlocked unisex silhouette bro, they make a connection to me.

Instead of buying me the Chili’s gift card, they opt to buy me the iTunes gift card. They don’t realize that I need 2 eat more than I need 2 buy a Coldplay album. Would rather have $10 to buy a lil bit of blow instead of a $25 gift certificate. Maybe they are just looking out 4 me.
s00 many choices. Luv when I have ‘flexibility’ [via KFC/TacoBell/PizzaHut]

Gift Cards are kinda like ‘art’ that makes u wonder about the modern concept of ‘free will.’ Does a gift card truly give u free will, or do gift cards actually limit our freedom to choose.our.own.adventure?

Closing paragraph in picture f0rmat:

iTunes gift cards: A Gift [via ass holes who don't know 'you'/'how ppl get music from the internet']

(This is a post about Kazaa.)

/// b4 I had a Mac Lappy
/// I would leave my meaningful Desktop PC on all day
/// downloading the things that make me “me”

We need to come together and find one solution for each problem that humans have. (This is what Barry Obama will do. He will implement a national dress code.)

I wish PCs and Macs would realize that I am my own person. If I could build my own computer, I would. I only rlly need a lil machine with a few websites. Not like I need what they even offer.

“being yourself”: big in 2k1?

[learned about this ad from the popular news source The Daily Swarm]

BUT SRSLY…
does n e 1 know the most authentic way 2 make mashups?

Is this some new Apple initiative to appeal to the most authentic people on the planet? Concerts are kind of lame when u have to listen to music inbetween sets, because the sound board guy is usually some bro who was born before 1976, and he is eager to ‘impress u with his taste/appreciate for the past.’ So maybe we should all start bringing iPods to shows. I’m not rlly sure–I’m just a blogger. But I do know that 1 time my iPod came in handy one time when I used the GPS system on my iPod shuffle.

It would be nice if you took ur earbuds out when the band was playing, though. I know that in high school and college classrooms across the country, kids are trying to listen 2 music instead of listening 2 their teacher. Kinda weird. Makes me think that they don’t even appreciate music–they are only concerned with how their personal brand looks since they have an iPod. I guess that’s life, tho. I was probably that way with digipets/pogs when I was a lilmainstreamAlt.

Is Apple Vs. Microsoft the initial battle that leads into the ElectroWar? Worried, yall.

I know that nip slips ‘leave a lot to the imagination.’ So it’s kinda like for art students or something.

Maybe I should just learn how to love 1 b00b for every one headband a girl is wearing.

Wet t-shirts are apparently kinda sexie. One time I watched an MTV show about a global music festival called ‘the Spring Break’, and they had a contest that celebrated women’s rights through water drenched t-shirts. Maybe wet t-shirts are the best way to preserve a woman’s integrity without her feeling too ‘objectified.’

[All Photos b Last Nights Party]

What kind of guy/lezbo r u? R u into nipslips, boobs, boob, wet t-shirts, or nut slips?

FAKE ADVERTISEMENT – PAID POST

This post has been brought to u by T.C.V.I.O.H.D.H.P.T.L.C. (The Coalition of Virus-infested, Overheating Dell, Hewlett Packard, and Toshiba Laptop computers).

I just bought my iPod nano a few months ago because of the new emerging artist featured in the commercial called ‘The Feists.’ Even though the song ‘wasn’t THAT good’, it was a commercial that turned her into an altMainstream superstar.

Her crossbranding with a technological product enabled every1 to feel progressive by enjoying her/the small iPod nano.

LET US NEVER FORGET THE ‘FEIST-SIZED’ IPOD NANO MODEL.
LET US ALL ADMIT THAT ‘1-2-3-4′ WASN’T EVEN A VERY GOOD SONG.
Srsly. It reminds me of ‘girls who dress alt but don’t have any personality’ would listen to/rave about/put into their facebook+myspace profile.

It’s good to know that iPod does a good job of lumping ‘obscurer alternative artists’ and ‘artists who were originally marketed as being alternative but have since gained a mainstream appeal’ into their [BUZZWORTHY] commercials.

Is it deceptive advertising that the new Nanos begin to ‘cum’ in the final 10 seconds of the commercial?

I think Apple would tell you that more ‘variety’ is better when it comes to colour choices. However, according to the ‘Pinkifying a Product Makes Your Product Less Authentic’ theory, Apple might be weakening it’s brand by enabling empty females to ‘feel like their pink iPod truly represents them’ while they work out at the gym.

It’s sort of like when ur fave sports team makes various coloured jerseys for women (pink) or St. Patrick’s Day (green), and u wish they could just ’stay authentic’ instead of trying s00 hard 2 sell jerseys.

BUT SRSLY…
Does n e 1 miss the bulkiness/minimalist interface of the early iPods? the ‘mini’ was s00 bulky!

I read in a tumblr that minimalist, ‘no bullshit’ designs+interfaces are gonna be big after a disease wipes out half of the Eastern world in 2k10.

I just bought my iPod nano a few months ago because of the new emerging artist featured in the commercial called ‘The Feists.’ Even though the song ‘wasn’t THAT good’, it was a commercial that turned her into an altMainstream superstar.

Her crossbranding with a technological product enabled every1 to feel progressive by enjoying her/the small iPod nano.

LET US NEVER FORGET THE ‘FEIST-SIZED’ IPOD NANO MODEL.
LET US ALL ADMIT THAT ‘1-2-3-4′ WASN’T EVEN A VERY GOOD SONG.
Srsly. It reminds me of ‘girls who dress alt but don’t have any personality’ would listen to/rave about/put into their facebook+myspace profile.

It’s good to know that iPod does a good job of lumping ‘obscurer alternative artists’ and ‘artists who were originally marketed as being alternative but have since gained a mainstream appeal’ into their [BUZZWORTHY] commercials.

Is it deceptive advertising that the new Nanos begin to ‘cum’ in the final 10 seconds of the commercial?

I think Apple would tell you that more ‘variety’ is better when it comes to colour choices. However, according to the ‘Pinkifying a Product Makes Your Product Less Authentic’ theory, Apple might be weakening it’s brand by enabling empty females to ‘feel like their pink iPod truly represents them’ while they work out at the gym.

It’s sort of like when ur fave sports team makes various coloured jerseys for women (pink) or St. Patrick’s Day (green), and u wish they could just ’stay authentic’ instead of trying s00 hard 2 sell jerseys.

BUT SRSLY…
Does n e 1 miss the bulkiness/minimalist interface of the early iPods? the ‘mini’ was s00 bulky!

I read in a tumblr that minimalist, ‘no bullshit’ designs+interfaces are gonna be big after a disease wipes out half of the Eastern world in 2k10.