All humans have belongings, and in order to transport our belongings, we must have some sort of compartment to carry these personal items with us. We must create portable space that is both fashionable and functional. This is why men and women carry ‘purses’, also known as bags-o-stuff. There is apparently a market for ‘high end’ purses, but many regular humans ‘create their own purses.’

It seems like this new trend of FOIL BALLOON PURSES might take over all other D.I.Y.-themed purses in the next 1-3 years.  I hope that this will ‘officially kill off’ girls who buy/make purses that look like they were hand-crafted in ‘the Third World.’

I have always been kinda baffled by foil balloons. They have sorta been branded as ‘a shitty complement’ to cheap flowers. Like u stopped at a grocery store, bought some flowers and a foil balloon, then went to give a gift to some1 you don’t really love and doesn’t understand why a foil balloon would be ‘hella insulting.’ Like a grandmother, a kid under the age of 10, or possibly a tweenage girlfriend who ‘carried around her foil balloon proudly on Valentine’s Day.’

Honestly would only buy a foil balloon for a ‘baby’

a tween who I wanted to ‘feel up’ at the mall

or possibly a relative who was about to die.

I am truly amazed by the foil balloon’s transition into this year’s hottest fashion item.

There are just so many possibilities to create something beautiful with foil balloons. I really feel like I can take my brand 2 the next level with a ‘Dora the Explorer’ foil balloon purse.

Should I make a purse for my next ‘GNO’ [via girls nite out]?

Really need 2 be an ‘early adopter’ to this trend. Worried that mainstreamers will catch on to this within 2 months, kinda like how they ’stole shutter shades’/wayfarers/every good band.

I am excited about making my own foil balloon purse this weekend. I am not sure which balloon I should buy. I am not sure which foil balloon will be ‘me’ enough. I might actually start a ‘foil balloon purse conversion’ business in order to capitalize on this new trend.

I think that I will be very ‘now’/'culturally relevant’ if I make a balloon out of Balloon Boy’s balloon. Really need to check ebay to see if I can buy a little bit of the original foil balloon print. Sounds like a challenge straight out of ‘The Runway Project’ television show.

We must realize that we are living in a post-balloonboy world. It’s kinda weird how violated we feel after a lil family from Colorado violated our trust. For 3 hours, we thought we were watching a lil boy abt to die, but then we figured out his parents had jammed him in a box in the attic.

Creating a foil-balloon purse will mean that you are willing to let the world know that you are a victim. You are not afraid to display your pain and use fashion as an effective way to comment on the modern human condition. You will create a foil balloon purse. You will give your world a window to your pain. Your personal brand will be both ‘fashionable’ and ‘vulnerable.’  You will be in touch with humanity.

Will u create a foil balloon purse ASAP?
How long until we see ‘relevant partie pix’ with foil balloon purses?
Will foil balloon purses be the next shuttershades/rcrd hats/child predator glasses?
Are foil balloons/FBPurses ‘fucking stupid’?
Do u think that they will ‘hold up’?
R u going to throw down an ‘arts and crafts’ session this weekend?
R u ‘pissed’ at balloon boy? Do u h8 ‘the media’?

Seems like this photo was taken at some sort of ‘cultural arts festival’ where they were creating a series of foil balloon purses.

Please feel free to send your foil balloon purse pix to Carleser [at] gmail.com (no uggos plz)

Feeling so ‘violated’ in the post-balloonboy world. Not sure who 2 trust any more. Not sure what’s ‘real’ and what is ‘bullshit.’ Alone.

It’s chill to have a ‘real penis’, since u can do stuff with it like urinate or ‘tug off’, but sometimes I feel like there would be less pressure on men if they had some sort of yarn-based art+craft generated penis. Think about how ur penis can get you into trouble:

• Implanting a baby in a girl
• getting an STD
• ‘making poor decisions cuz ur thinking with ur peen’
• making love to the wrong person
• miscellaneous accident
• peeing ur pants
• make u look like a ‘perv’ when u ‘get hard’ in ur skinny jeans

I think life might be better if we could have some sort of ‘replica peens’/sexual organs. Most men just see penis size as a social status symbol, so there has to be a way to create augmented realities 4 every1.  I feel like there would actually be a ‘huge market’ for this and not even just for aesthetic purposes. I understand that a lot of parents don’t want their kids to receive free condoms ever, but a ‘craft cock’ might be the solution to everything.  If we could some how transition ‘penis envy’ into a fun accessory that men can customize, things would be better for teen boys who were ’still growing up’ and men who were ‘dissatisfied’ with the size of their cumshooter.  There would also be less ‘teen pregnancy’ and less abortions, if yall think those are bad things.

Choose.Your.Own.Penis.

It would be sweet to be able to customize your craft penis. If I wanted a ‘12 inch erect African American cock’, then I could buy some purple yarn and start crafting my new tweeter. If I wanted an 8 inch needle-dick, I could possibly just use some ‘pasta’ to create the ideal penis. If I wanted a post-ironic millimeter peter, then I could create an art+craft on the microscopic level and people would appreciate my artistic skills and attention to detail. Here is a ‘missle head’ cock that I recently constructed.

What would ur art+craft peen look like?
Questions for females: What does ur ideal peen look like? Would you ever make a penis for your loved one?

Really think this post would be cool if we could have ‘an actual discussion’ about sexual organs instead of just giggling about this type of stuff. It makes me sad that tweens will live their entire lives’ exposed to hi-speed video porn, thinking that life is just one huge ‘fuckfest.’ Feel bad for women in 2day’s society since a lot of men just see them as ‘fuck dolls’ without realizing it.  Sad that men just think with their peters and hurt women and hurt themselves.  Wish ppl would realize the consequences and dangers of sex, and chill in monogamous relationships.

Should I learn how to crochet, or should I just keep shopping at Am Appy?

This is a post encouraging alternative men to check their testicles for lumps.

* do the self-examination lying in a warm bath or while having a long shower, as this softens the skin of the scrotum (skin sac that holds the testicles), which makes it easier to feel the testicles inside.
* examine the scrotum, looking for any lumps on the skin or swellings inside.
* cradle the whole scrotum and testicles in the palm of your hand and feel the difference between the testicles. One is almost always larger and lying lower. This is completely normal.
* examine each testicle in turn, and then compare them with each other. Use both hands and gently roll each testicle between thumb and forefinger.
* Check for any lumps or swellings as both testicles should be smooth except where the duct that carries sperm to the penis, the epididymis, runs. This lies along the top and back of the testicle and normally feels bumpy.

I sincerely want my readers 2 be healthy. ‘Health’ (not the band) will become a very relevant topic on this blog as I move forward. I want 2 live 4evr.

Screen urself.

Sorta wish I had a yarn peepee bc yarn doesn’t get the cancer. :-(
Don’t wanna die.

Want my female readers to be safe, too.

Also important that the aging music critic bros ‘get their prostates examined.’

Much like ‘unEarthing a buzzband’, early detection is critical.

I was browsing some of the world’s most relevant fashion & trend blogs, and saw some kewl arts + crafts that I thought I should ’shine a spotlight on.’ If u ever have any interesting craft ideas, please leave them in the comments. I honestly believe that we will only be able to find happiness through self-expression, through some method of design. But if ur not properly educated in ‘design’, then all u can really do is ‘arts and crafts.’

Art + Craft #1: Showing ur faith in The Lord by Creating a safety pin t-shirt for him (a Justice t-shirt)

Photo via thefacehunter

This bro clearly ‘loves the Lord’, and wanted to make a shirt that was a tribute to our Lord Saviour Jesus Christ. Not every1 is able to mass produce shirts with designs on them, so sometimes you need to take whatever you have around the house and ‘make it work.’ Sometimes I will squirt toothpaste on my t-shirts in kewl lil designs instead of actually buying a t-shirt that has stuff on it 4ever.

I might make this shirt as an ‘activity’ with the community Bible Study group that I lead called Teens4Christ.

Art+Craft #2: Rat Tail Extension Kid

Many of yall are familiar with ‘rat tails’, but u probably didn’t know that you could have them on any part of ur body. All u really need to do is create a rat-tail extension kit with safety pins and human hair. This is similar to black women who wear ‘weaves’, except this is for alternative people. It seems like if you put a rat tail in an ‘unexpected place’, u will get a better reaction. I have a feeling that ’safety pins’ might be one of the most important fashion accessories of the next decade.

Kinda turned on by this, like I would want a girl to use a safety pin + rat tail extension as a clitoris piercing.

Art+Craft #3: A shirt with ur own face on it

Photo via YvanRodic

I am not sure if this is a look for every1, particularly if you are ugly. It seems like ugly people might want to wear a shirt with some1 else’s face on it, but that also might make the person seem ‘uglier.’ This shirt is bold, letting the world know that u are truly ‘all about U.’ I feel like u have 2 be artistic 2 execute this shirt, or else u will end up looking like a crappy doodle.

‘This bro is me.’ – u, 2009

Art+Craft #4: Building a body suit out of duct tape and aluminum foil

Photo via drunkenstepfather

I feel like this look might only work for ‘curvy ass bitches.’ It seems like some1 else might have to make it for you by wrapping your body in duct tape. U might only be able to wear it once.

Art+Craft #5: Metaphorically Lynching urself

I have always wanted to show the world how much pain I have inside of myself, but without ‘actually killing myself.’ It seems like I don’t actually want to kill myself, because that wouldn’t really be noticed by enough people, unless I went on ’some sort of death rampage.’ I feel like I might build an art+craft where I ‘lynch myself’, and make it seem like I am dead in public. As if I am Jesus Christ or something, and I was murdered by tons of people who don’t ‘get’ me.

I love ‘living’ 2 much 2 kill myself, but I really just want the world 2 know that they don’t ‘get’ me. I want them 2 know that they are slowly killing me.

/////
Just want 2 create shit
& express who I truly am
2 the world around me
looking at me
analyzing me
interpreting me
‘u don’t fckng know me’
‘u don’t fckng get me’
‘I nvr thought I’d die alone.’

do u know n e fun arts+crafts activities?

I was browsing the Am Appy store, and I found a kewl new product called ‘the bag o scraps.’ I think that the concept behind the product is that you can ‘create your own meaningful arts and crafts’ using Am Appy material/the exclusive Am Appy colour/design palette. Like if you can’t afford a real Am Appy t-shirt, you could glue together these scraps to make ur own unique one. Or if you are a free-spirited girl, u can ‘let ur imagination run wild’ while creating some thing ‘beautiful’ with the bag-o-scraps.

It seems hard to run a clothing manufacturing company, like there is all of this ‘extra shit’ left over, but u don’t really know what to do with it. Then u hire some ‘alternative arts+crafts consultants’ to come in with some ‘fresh ideas’ about how you can brand this waste. Seems like u are just ‘jonesing 4 money’ in anyway possible, trying to ‘liquidate inventory’ and ‘reduce the bottom line’ by ‘creating brand synergy’ and ‘manufacturing efficiencies’ while keeping ‘fixed costs at a minimum’ and creating a ‘progressive business culture’ where ‘ideas are incubated’ and ur ‘vertically integrated corporate structure’ is able to ‘make huge margins.’

The bag-o-scraps sorta reminds me of how barbecue restaurants invented a product that is a sandwich made out of the leftovers from beef scraps and the leftover meats that have a ‘high fat content.’

The Chopped Beef BBQ sandwich is made up from the scraps and leftover fat cuttings from the ‘premium beef products.’ They are able to mix all of this 3rd class waste with barbecue sauce, and sell it like it is a ’special recipe’, but the people who eat it are actually ‘eating pig slop.’ It seems important to only eat ‘white meat’ and possibly red meat that has a ‘reasonable fat content.’ But I think in America, ppl like to eat unhealthy stuff, and take pride in it.

(What is ur fave kind of BBQ?)

It seems difficult to run a business efficiently. I feel like ideally, there would be no ‘leftover scraps’ to salvage. But maybe the bag-o-scraps is sorta a lesson about life. Not everything is going to be a perfectly tailored t-shirt in a unique colour sold at an above-market price because ur buying a ‘quality brand.’ Sometimes u have to take what life gives you–a bag-o-scraps– and turn it into something beautiful. Maybe life is just a bag-o-scraps, and the individual scraps are the people/mp3s/blogsites/social networks/tweets that make U who U R as an individual.

Might buy a bag-o-scraps and open up an etsy store/ebay thrift store. Seems lucrative. Might open a BBQ restaurant.

‘Matter can neither be created nor destroyed. It may be rearranged in space, and changed into different types of particles, and utilized to create meaningful arts, crafts, and branded products.’
-God when creating the Bag O Scraps

Previous Am Appy Coverage
[Kanye West Shops at Am Appy] [Am Appy Swine Flu Mask] [Am Appy Black Guy Employee] [Product Packaging Analysis] [Am Appy undies with cock pic] [Afrikaan products at am appy] [Am Appy Products that are easy 2 <3/h8]

Do u have n e good ideas 4 making shit with the ‘bag o scraps’?
Do u know if Am Appy cloth is ‘the same as a condom’ if u wrap it around ur penis and penetrate ur lover?
Does n e 1 know where I can buy Hollistercrombie bags-o-scraps?

Should I make a dark-hearted tattered & torn hoodie design that looks like a skull / a miscellaneous dark-hearted creature?

[Photo via lookbook]

Should I make a zany meme quilt of the Tetrises?

Should I make a sweater that is a tribute to my favourite soft drink ? Should I join an Icelandic cult?

Should I make a bloggable painting meme that defies gravity/pixel properties?

Should I start a “Street Team” like a band from 1999?

Or should I build a Puzz3D of a city that I want to move 2 instead of actually moving to it?

Should I get a job at Circuit City? Should I ask to be paid in only flat screen TVs?

Or should I have a child, and then ‘get him fucked up’ so that he goes viral? Can u sell ur child after he or she ‘goes viral’? Or does it help them 2 get into college if they put that they ‘went viral’ on their college resume?

Just want 2 express myself, yall. Sorry if my gimmicks aren’t ‘new and exciting’ but I still think I’m searching for the same thing.
Miss yall. Wish we could have a bro-chill-session where we just ‘talk’, ‘reflect’, and ‘make things that will last forever.’

Just wanted 2 share a meaningful art & craft with u. I know every1 is pumped about Barres Obama getting into the ‘Black House’, so thought I might share this tribute art & craft challenge.

What u need:

• Crayola Markers
• Military Costume from the 1700s.
• Swaddling Cloth or miscellaneous wrapping cloth
• Leader with a catchy name who represents hope

Step 1: Put on ur jacket. Write a song abt how ‘u used 2 rule the world.’
Step 2: Wrap a lil cloth around your arm, making a meaningful arm band
Step 3: Figure out a creative way 2 symbolize/create a tribute 2 some1 who represents something that you want 2 ‘let the world know that u appreciate.’
Step 4: Talk 2 people abt ur art & craft. How u made it. Why u made it. All that kinda stuff.

This is your what your final product should look at.

Does n e 1 know what this stands 4?

Should I make 1 for my blog website?

Email me if yall have n e good recipes, arts & crafts ideas, or other authentic d.i.y. procedures. Think I’m gonna stop blogging about alt crap and start blggng about meaningful crafts, etc.

Or should I just buy Hot Topic / emo /mainstream bro wristbands?

Or stick with LIVINGSTRONG?

Or just fake an injury to get attention and have people who would never ordinarily talk 2 me ’sign my cast’?

Miss u Gwenny

However, as females continue to search for meaning & authenticity, will they come up with new headband styles that show their dedication to ‘being unique.’ For example, this button headband is something that I never could have thought of that creates a personal brand that I couldn’t have imagined in my wildest alternative dreams.

She has a really ‘i’m gonna tug u’ look to her, doesn’t she? Is it g00d or bad when girls have ‘that look in they eye.’

I haven’t seen a headband that innovative since the double headband. Do u learn how to make stuff like this at the Project Runway University (New Jersey Campus)? I got autoaccepted there because they really liked a painting I did.
[PhotoFaceHunter]

Would you prefer the 7 inch model or the 12 inch model of the ‘Record Hat’? I am considering starting a company that makes hats and caps out of minidisc players, cassette tapes, and Microsoft Zunes.

This might be my favourite female summer look so far.

[Photo by FCHNTR]

(Note: There are 5 Levels on the LOOK@ME Scale.)

Does any one who has listened to electronic music for more than a year know how lightning bolts became co-branded withe electro-music? Is it a metaphor? Is the LIGHTNING BOLT the best symbol for electro?

~**“ Create.Your.Own.Prop // **~~`

[Photo by We-Are-Kinda-Kute]