HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by Last Nights Party

'The numbers just aren't adding up,' said my best friend, who recently became my business partner in a joint alt venture. We were really good friends, but at the same time, being in business together changed our relationship. We barely even hang out any more. I could hear the tension in his voice. We thought it was a really good idea, emerging markets, new media, old media, building a tribe, getting the word out on social media, reaching consumers both on the internet, and in real life. It was fool proof. We were basically going to be printing buzz money, opening up our own buzz mint. The trouble was, despite all of the buzz, the blog press, the decent turnouts, the merch, the meetings, the important emails, the time we met that famous & successful person who said they liked what we were doing, we were still ONLY making buzz dollars.

I guess I was wrong. Maybe it was a bad idea to start a buzzband / record label / blog / viral meme blog / aggregator of memes / party promotion firm / PR firm / online video series / site on the internet that changes the way that we interpret journalism / diy venue space / playhouse / mumblecore film collective / documentary film series / alt non-profit scam / party photo website / cassette tape label / online design company / microblogging service / alt-fundraising website / vintage store / online vintage store / t-shirt making company / art gallery space / booking agency / food truck / vegan restaurant / creative agency / zine / magazine / alt comedy troupe / [miscellaneous alt venture].

We met with my dad's friend, who was an accountant, and he told us every thing that we needed to get together in order to formalize our business. The truth was, taking a look at our business led us to realize that we weren't making any REAL money. It was a tough spot to be in. I second guessed all of our decisions. The time we printed flyers on glossy colored paper instead of just using a DIY copy machine. The time we hired my friend who is a designer to design our website but he overcharged us and left us with a broken website. The time I borrowed my mom's credit card to fly us to an important music and interactive conference in order to make connections, but we just ended up partying. Although it has been a wild ride, maybe the ride is pulling up to the final terminal. Not even a golden alt calculator could solve this mess. It was truly shaping up to be an Enron-level alt financial conspiracy.

He asked me, "Do you realize that we have never actually made money?"

It was at that moment that I realized that I didn't actually have an alt business. I was paying to have an identity. Sure, my twitter follower count was admirable, and I did have things to do every night of the week, but what was I really paying for? A mediocre presence in an alternative scene? I struggled to understand what I was trying to become a part of, an undying alt spirit that desperately wanted to contribute something to a community that might not even exist.

"I'm out. This is too much. I'm getting my old job back at my dad's company," said my friend.

I wasn't upset that he was leaving. This whole operation was my idea, anyways, and most of his ideas were super unoriginal and lame. I knew how to keep things authentic. But maybe keeping things authentic wasn't making any more and bringing in new clients, new visitors. In fact, I wasn't actually sure what we DID. But I was confident that I could figure it out on my own and utilize my tribe to get the word out that we were doing something different.

I thought about the first days of the business when we would just sit around on the internet and chat about how awesome things were going to get for us. VIP parties, tons of money, press, notoriety, validation from the scene, validation from our parents--we would have EVERYTHING. But maybe it was time to realize that this was never going to happen. The numbers just weren't adding up.

On days like today, I had to wonder if my entire alternative social experience misled me, leading me to a place where I had nothing to my name. No money, no alt fame, and just a bunch of connections with a bunch of other people who were pretending to be successful, just like me. Don't get me wrong, this was a valuable existence, and even if I have to begin a new venture, I am confident that it will work out because this experience exposed me to the harsh realities of what it takes to get an alt business off the ground and over the hump. But do I have the energy to do this again? Maybe I'm just not an alternative entrepreneur.

Was my alternative business a mistake?

It was just one of those days where you felt like ________ had everything, and you had nothing.

Photos via design milk

One day, I will break free from my job in corporate America. Working in my cubicle all day, relying on a larger corporation to pay me every month so that I can survive. I work in a generic office building, one that you drive by every day, but you don't really understand what exactly has to happen for the business to survive. I work in one of many departments, feeling like a 'brick in the wall' with a bunch of other people who are in the same pay-bracket as me.

So many employers don't understand how architecture can change the way that they do business. Positive community space can enable workers to bond, work, thrive, and build peer-2-peer sharing networks of business information and intelligence.

H8 being stuck in my cubicle all day. Feel sad that all I can dream of is 'getting my own office' one day, but even that is just a bigger cubicle.

What I really want
is 2 break free
from a company employing me
and to break out of my cubicle

My dream is to be self-employed
living the American Dream
doing my work
in a progressive space
that enables me to make millions of dollars.

I want to be self-employed and work in a conceptual work space / modern cubicle that integrates itself into the space in my regional community.

I want a window that overlooks my backyard. Watch my children grow. Monitoring the dog, making sure he doesn't 'dig up the flowers.'

Might build a spherical pod that can roll around, move it into a public park on a beautiful day. If there is a flood, I will just 'float on' kinda like that Modest Mouse song.

Being self-employed is the American Dream
Having a portal where u can sit in front of a computer
and make money
may or may not be the modern version of the American Dream

Maybe I can start an mp3 music streaming service
a blog website
a music reviews zine
the next facebook
a microblogging community
a meme blog about hipster sea monkeys
The possibilities are endless
as long as I have
the right space to work in

A pod that represents 'the future'
like a space pod
that could feasibly exist in outerspace
looking out the window at Earth
floating above all
transcending all companies.

I want a Lincoln Log cabin. A modern take on an old ideal space. A place where 'shit can get done.'

I want a space that enables me to write a modern version of the Gettysburg Address
Perhaps a meme blog called 'The Williamsburg Address' that makes fun of hipsters
who live in the Williamsburg area of New York / Virginia

My company will be strong, progressive, small.
A tight nit family of workers who truly share ideas to create a better world.
Handling conference calls, browsing the internet, making deals, selling goods + one-of-a-kind services
on the internet.

Space can really change your workplace
Inspire your employers
Help you to stay connected with the world
in order to make positive changes in our ever-changing societal world

What is the American Dream?
What is ur work space like? Does it depress u?
Do u believe more companies should make 'kewler' spaces to inspire workers?
If you could build a work space, what would it look like?
Is life just a series of cubicles?

I had always been the smartest kid in the class, making good grades, considered a 'funny' person, and always generally likable. High school went well, and of course I went to a good college. I decided on a major that was pretty functional (more so than a person who focuses on studying something creative), knowing that it would help me to get a job after college. So much debt...hehe, but of course everything will always be okay.

I feel like I have always considered myself to be 'sort of special', not just because of supportive parents, but also because of my psychological fortitude. I feel like I 'understand' the way the world/people work as a system, and I always feel like I am able to make good decisions. I don't think that I have ever really had a 'legitimate challenge' in my life, but I feel like I have simulated enough 'real challenges' to pretty much 'get through any thing.'

This is a post about how to find urself/lose urself [via ur career].

[meme via zoomdoggle]
I am self-aware enough to know that my life is insignificant. Furthermore, my menial job is insignificant. I have no direct impact on society as a whole. My job is not important because I have no relevant skills that are beneficial to society. I am 'just another brick in the wall. (without a functional college major).' A few of the other employees who share my same job title are mentally challenged, and perform the job better than me.

The most exciting part of my day is when I put on my iPod and round up shopping carts from the lot. It gives me an opportunity to express myself, and challenge the norms of society. By transitioning my job from 'just a job' to 'an opportunity to be a concept artist', I can save face with my self-concept. I never saved up to go to art school after dropping out of community college. That does not mean I cannot be an artist. That does not mean that I cannot express myself.

I have a memory bank of meaningful connections with 'real people.' You can find out a lot about people by bagging their groceries and helping them to their cars. You must be willing to dig deep inside of yourself and let yourself be 'you', no matter the context.

You can be more than just you.
"Think outside the box."
Think of ways to challenge mainstreamers' concept of reality.
You are more than just an 'oddly enough' design meme.
The circle of shopping carts is a metaphor for _____________.

Do u ever do anything 'a lil conceptual' at ur job?

When I grow up, I want to work at a firm that allows me to 'dress up' AND wear child predator glasses.

[Photo by GaraceDore]

Sometimes I wonder what I will do when I grow up. I 'don't want to end up' 'working' in a 'cubicle' and feeling meaningless, kinda like the movie 'The Office Spaces.' I am going to design school/liberal arts school to get a better perspective on the world. I want to be able to share this perspective with others who need help making decisions. I understand the world and/or people and/or humanity and/or 'business.'

I am a coolhunter without even trying 2 b. Even though I do not realize it, I am on the cutting edge of 'what's NOW' in society.

I've read that employers like google have free buffet-style food and dry cleaning for their employees.

Should I work at google? Do they have vegan options? What can I do if I work 4 google? Can I be the guy who finds what people r looking for when they search?
Does n e other place have a progressive/zany [CUSTOMIZABLE] environment in which 2 work?

I just want an authentic place where I can work.
I want 2 work 4 a firm where I can contribute 2 humanity.
I don't want to b 'just another alternativeBrick in the wall.
I want to authentically bond with my coWorkers.
I want to have a lava lamp.
I want to have a progressive poster in my office that wouldn't be allowed in most workplaces.
I want to have a starting salary of $60K per year and be able to waste half of my day on the internet.
I want to eat lunch at kute restaurants with healthy options every day.
I want to be respected within my office.
I want to have authentic conversation with my coWorkers, and not just talk abt 'the weather' or how my local sports team is 'in the playoffs' and 'has a good shot.'
I want a workplace where I can have a sweet speaker system in my office, and blast Popular Songs from The HypeMachine which inspire coWorkers to come into my office so I can tell them about the band, then spend 15 minutes telling them about how it is authentic to find MP3s from the hypemachine because it is the 'most authentic form of buzz' which can be associated with a band.

///Searching 4 my dream job///

Previous Alternative Career Help coverage

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/what-is-the-most-authentic-alt-job.html

////help///
///need 2 grow up & make money, but still stay youthful & authentic //// \\

(Is it acceptable to wear American Appy as Business Casual?)

When I graduated from High School (got a G.E.D. cuz I outgrew a lot of the social bullshit rlly quickly) and made a 10 year plan, I realized that I wanted a job that not only provided financial security, but more importantly projected an image that enabled people to think that I am 'cool' and 'passionate about what I do at the same time.' Picking a career is a difficult, soul-searching journey/ongoing quest for self-awareness+actualization.

When you are building a personal brand, you want a brand so strong that people want to emulate it. Kinda like Michael Jackson when he was in the process of turning white. You want other people to want your life.

Picking your authentic alt career is difficult. Sometimes it takes a lot of hard work. Sometimes it means 'standing up 2 ur parentz bullshit expectations' and/or 'societal norms.' It means taking risks, going to college, not going to college, changing your major, taking a year off, and transferring to a school where u r socially comfortable+'academically stimulated.' It means being yourself and being some one else. While 'wanting 2 make ur parents proud' is an innate within all humans, authentic alts are willing to rage against this desire. Your pride is the most important thing in the world. Your pride, your terms.

This is ur life.
WHO DO U WANT 2 B?

//////
HIPSTER RUNOFF PRESENTS
//////
THE MOST AUTHENTIC ALTERNATIVE CAREERS
/////

The Guy who works the soundboard at concerts. He knows a lot about sound quality, systems, and bands.

DJ at a shitty radio station/college radio station/guy who is affiliated with a university 5+ years after graduating & not getting a real job.

"Door guy" who multitasks as a bouncer/ticket tearer/janitor.

Buffalo Exchange employee

Am Appy employee

postpostironic McDonalds employee

Start an indie band that is better at 'looking like an indie band' than it is at making music

Start a web 2.0 company

Start the first myspace profile

Work for a web marketing company who tries to get products/services/memes to go viral for companies who don't 'get' how the internet works. h8 when 'big businesses' don't understand the importance of the meme economy.

Work at Costco

Be a Zany Doctor

Work at a free spirited, local coffee shop

Work at Starbucks (great benefits, yall)

Go 2 beauty school.

Learn photoshop/become a designer. Carles is certified in Photoshop CS1.

Transition your name into a fashion label / be a judge on a Bravo show / make clothes for keut women.

Buy a video camera and make a lil meaningful film.

Start a blog!

Go on a Bravo Show/pretend u r 'into the design sciences.'

Become an altCEO // start a 'plain tee shirt company' that is 'fueled by legal Mexis'

Spend ur whole life 'becoming good at the internet' for no real reason.

[via Designnotes]

Tattoo artist

Apple Store Employee

Blipster Apple Store Employee

Make a viral vid


Note: Working in a record store is no longer an authentic alternative career in the postMP3 blog era.

************
Yall have a lot of options to express your personal brands. I'm sure I left out tons of options. Feel free to add some more to the comments.

In conclusion, it is just important to always remember the power of your alternative self, and the power of alternative free will. You are not functioning within the implied expectations of society. You will justify your life at any cost. You want people to understand that you are at your job for a reason. Even if you are just 'working at a coffee shop before you move to NYC to get a job at a design firm after you get your portfolio of doodles+MSPaint files together.'

Never give up on you. You are special. Eventually, you will find a way to get paid for just being yourself. You have a unique perspective on the world, and eventually, you will find a way to let people know 'who u really are', establishing a platform where people will listen 2 u, and most importantly, want 2 b u. (kinda like God/Michael Jordan/theGirlTalk/Macauly Culkin circa Home Alone).