But then I saw this video where a Chinese woman and a Black woman ‘go at it.’ It seems dangerous, like there is a whole ‘cultural disconnect’ underlying their shouting match. I understand that blacks and AZNs h8 one another, but it seems like they should settle this type of disagreement outside of the bus by having a constructive conversation about their hardships, eventually understanding that they are ‘basically the same person, except they speak different languages.’ I feel worried that some sort of ‘act of minority angst/social repression’ would take place on the public transportation vessel that I am riding on. What if it was 2 teenage minorities with guns? What if a group of minorities go on some sort of ’shooting spree’/'hostage takeover’ of the bus? Sorta wish that I could make them realize that no1 on the bus is ‘that much richer’ than them. Sorta wish u could channel their angst into something useful, like a ‘kewl new genre of music’ [via horrorcore 2.0] instead of acts of violence.

Worried/concerned. I feel like I want to depend on public transportation, but I just want to be safe + stay alive. I think that ‘uncultured’ people are not able to appreciate the beauty of public transportation since they have never owned a car/had their parents buy one for them. It seems like if they understood the hardships of car ownership (insurance payments, oil changes, neverending maintenance, have to pay summer job teens 2 wash ur car, finding parking spots, etc), then maybe they would chill out, and realize that public transportation is truly the best way to live? Maybe if they understood our nation’s foreign dependence on oil, they would ‘appreciate’ the public service they are doing by utilizing a public resource.

Do u have any tips 4 staying safe on public transportation?
Should women use public transportation alone?
Have u ever seen something violent/zany/tragic happen on a bus/subway?
Would ur life be more meaningful if you could take youtube vids of zany cultural disagreements happening in ur bustling city?

Yall have probably heard of the popular Roman Emperor ‘Julius Caesar.’ He was a bro who was once on top of the world, but then lost it all. Apparently, he had some sort of clan of bros, but then his bros got ‘mad jealous’ and ‘totally greedy.’ They decided to kill him, and even his main bro, Brutus was in on it. When he was about to die, he finally figured out that BrutBFF was ‘in on it’, and he just said:

‘Et tu, Bruté?’
aka ‘even u, Brutusbro?’

Here is a picture I made of Julius being betrayed by his group of core bros.

Damn. Wonder if the bro with that tattoo was ‘betrayed’ by some1 close to him, like his parents, a girlfriend, or possibly his best bro. Can’t imagine always wanting to remember that I was betrayed by getting a tattoo of it. Sorta reminds me of when Ed Norton got a swastika tattoo for the movie American History X, but then had to keep it for the rest of his life.

Also admire the bro’s symmetrical ‘Vietnamese execution bro’ tattoo.

Seems like this bro is ‘very in touch’ with human suffering, and possibly ‘outsourced his body’ to be some sort of symbol or think piece to remind ppl that there are ppl out there who have it worse than us.

He seems noble. I srsly would never do that. I feel like I’d end up getting a tattoo that was ’simple and kewl’ like a barb wire tatty around my arm, or possibly some sort of ‘interesting tribal tattoo’ that attracted females to me. Might just get a ‘zany tattoo’ for the sake of it being an internet meme.

Have u ever been betrayed by a core group of bros?
What do u do to remind urself that other people in the world are suffering?
Would u ever get a tattoo of an AZN being executed?

I have never climaxed with another human being. I have ‘been with people’ but I still have never ‘came’ bc of a vagina, mouth, or bum hole. I mean, I really love the people I’ve been with, but I’m always just really uncomfortable since we have to ‘do it’ in public places. I want to make love to some1 in a place where I am comfortable. Really looking forward to my dorm room so that I can bring people home to sleep with.

The truth is, I want to make love to my true lover for the first time on top of an AZN. I was reading in AZNmagazine that utilizing an AZN as a bed/love seat / futon is really effective, and actually helps you thrust into your lover. Whether it is a man or a woman, if you are on top of an AZN, you can reach your lover’s gSpot 45% more effectively. I really wanna try it out, yall. Going to IKEA to buy one this weekend. ^_^

I remember in the past, I wanted to buy an AZN, and I came up with ’snarky’ descriptions abt what would be the best part about owning an AZN, but I failed to see that human furniture might be a huge trend. I read that in the Bruno film, Paula Abdul utilizes ‘filthy mexicans’ as furniture or something.

When I start design school, I will find a way to convert humans into functional objects/household tools. From what I understand, our Earth is overpopulated, and there aren’t enough jobs. I feel like some ppl should ‘find happiness’ by doing something simple like ‘being a reclining chair’, or possibly putting a piece of glass on their back and ‘chilling as a dinner table.’

Might get this TV stand, but my HDTV is ‘fucking huge’ so not sure if that is stable enough.

Would be chill to get a ‘bro shelf’ but might ‘turn ghey’ if I see peens too often.

I feel like a human Dorito holder would probably be something that would go well in my apartment.

Just want 2 build a comfortable home, where I feel safe enough to ‘climax’/'cum’. ^_^

Previous Posts about Human Trade
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/human-trade

Previous Posts about buying an AZN
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/09/what-would-u-do-if-u-bought-azn-reader.html

Photograph from when my AZN tried to escape and I had to go ’spotlighting’ in the wilderness of Los Angeles to try to ‘find’ (recapture + punish) him

If u could buy 1 piece of human furniture, what race + type of furniture would it be?

Unfortunately, many republicans have called for the AZN bro to be fired/executed. As u can see in the photograph, he is remorseful, and looking for @BarresObames to be ‘a bro’ in his time of need.

I am not sure if he deserves to be fired. I think that all young people in America below the age of 23 deserve to ‘express themselves’ freely on the internet. It’s part of living a healthy life. It doesn’t matter if your online presence is ‘out there’ or even ‘controversial.’ It doesn’t always mean ur the same on the internet as u r in real life. Wish ppl could understand that ‘disconnect.’ Wish they’d realize that ppl like the internet because u can seem ‘better than u actually are’ and also ‘bully people’ legally.

I think that in the past ‘old people’ have never been able to ‘get’ why young ppl talk 2 eachother all of the time, whether via internet or text message. Now that Barry Obama used ‘the internet’ 2 win an election, he ‘understands’ that young ppl need to ‘chill on the internet’ in order to ‘remain healthy.’ I am hoping that he lets this slide, and he can set a good example for all employers who fire ppl because they ‘posted something bad’ online.

Do yall think the AZN should be fired?
Should employers be allowed 2 ‘look at ur twitter/fb/myspace’?
Should I ‘deactivate all of my pages’ since I am looking for a job?
Is Obama a ‘dictator’?
Should we create ‘internment camps’ and ship AZNs to them, and only allow them to use xanga/other online tools that ‘basically only AZNs use’?
Should we ‘nuke the fuck out of’ Iran?

I think that Michael Cera is also in a movie with the ‘ogre/twit’ from the movie ‘The School of Rock and Rolling’–a film where tweens come together to make a rocknroll band.

Not even sure if he is ‘a good fit’ for that kind of movie. Should have probably had ‘a black person’ who was a comedian, or something like that.

Feel like Michael Cera represents a woman’s desire to ’settle’ for a guy who isn’t handsome, but might be quirky, and allegedly ‘funnie’. He will do things for you like ‘make you a mix tape on an actual tape’ even though you don’t have a cassette player, and ‘bring u shitty gifts’ that u are able to consider ‘meaningful.’ Guess that might be why general bros h8 him–general bros are not willing to ‘be comfortable with who they are’ enough to find some sort of happiness with a girl who is clearly ’settling for u.’ Both parties in the relationship share mutually resentful feelings towards one another because they both feel like they are ’settling.’ Seems ‘very hard’ 2 be happie.

When girls ‘defend’ Michael Cera, what does it mean about their personal brands?
When bros ‘attack’ Michael Cera, what does it mean about their personal brands?
Is Michael Cera the next ______?
Do u really believe that Michael Cera would go out with that AZN, or would he go out with 1 of the ‘hot ass’ indie azns?
Do girls ‘just wanna ride cock’ on ‘hot bros’?
Do bros ‘just wanna stick it in wet, warm vaginas’?
Trying 2 figure out <3… might see ‘paper heart.’

Think my fave part is towards the end of the video where some sort of AZN man in suit starts removing bros from the stage. Miss the days of ‘crashing the stage’ with my friends after we got ‘hella buzzed.’

Think HRO might tour Asia. Seems like a place where people ‘relax’ and have a good time. Do yall think SteveBro is a good singer?

Can u find Steve Aoki?

Photos via thecobrasnake

Can u find the reddest-faced AZN?

Can u find the keut white girl in the sea of AZNs??

2AZNs1Beer

I miss dualcoreAZN memes.

Just want 2 go back 2 the days when I could wear a purple v-neck, a palestinny scarf, and neon wayfarers without ‘feeling ashamed.’

Going to watch the trailer then ‘react’

Feel like it might be one of those films that is about old people ’searching for happiness’ or something. Makes me scared to get old. Might need to make a ‘Bucket List’ or something of things I want 2 do before I ‘kick the bucket.’ Feel scared about getting old, but still having my ‘zany, snarky’ perspective on life. Hope I am a quirky old person, like the Larry David brand. Sort of wish Seinfeld was still on the air. Remember sitcoms back b4 people were into hour long dramas/crime scene bullshit / mystery shit like “Lost” / shittie comedies like THE OFFICE?

miss the past, yall.

But srsly yall… Just made this post 2 say that I h8 Woody Allen. I read on a blog that American Appy had 2 pay him $5 million dollars ($US) for using his image on one of their billboards. As a blogger who has been funded by Am Appy progressive advertisements, I feel like this is ‘fucking bull shit.’

I have done more for the Am Appy brand than Woody Allen did for having his image used on 1 of their billboards. Sort of wish Am Appy gave me $5 million in banner ads or something. Feel like Woody Allen is spoiled for not know what it means 2 have Am Appy select you as a ‘cobranding partner.’ Having Am Appy banners on ur webspace is a privilege, not a right.

But then again Woody Allen was 1 of the first ppl to ‘buy an AZN.’

Was the kind of person who creepily ‘really wanted 2 hang out with u’
and actually followed through and called u 100 times
Think she would have benefited from ‘the dorm environment’
at a small Liberal Arts College
instead of sending aggressive sexts to bros all the time

Meme via A.L. Feri Photography

I actually knew her while I was living in Brooklyn
We met each other at McCarren Pool
I was wearing Old Navy board shorts
and she came up to me and told me
‘I want to pull ur penis out through ur short-hole
and give u a blow and a tug’

I was immediately turned on because that was back when my ‘Yellow Fever’
was at its absolute worst
I also saw that she had ‘a rowdy chest tattoo’ and I immediately got
erotic visions of ‘cumming on that shit’

AltCum target via Gawker

We went back to my place and we watched a popular French New Wave indie classic film
I was impressed by her career and her knowledge of everything relevant
Eventually she ‘had sex with me’ – 2fast & 2furiously
The bed was making the sound of the sample in the popular song “Paper Planes”
But it was the kind of thing where I ‘lost interest in having sex with her’
because it was the ’sad’ kind of dirty sex
where u feel like a girl is ‘down to do anything’
because she is ‘all sad on the inside’
and feels like the only way she knows how to ‘feel good about herself’
is when there is ’some bro’s cock inside of her’
I am a meaningful bro and ‘don’t want to be just another bro’

So my peen went limp
And I took her out for a meal
and reassured her that I ‘wanted a real, emotional relationship’ with her
and then she told me she was dying of cancer
and I felt bad because I had never experienced sex with some1 who was terminally ill
and thought ‘damn, maybe terminally ill ppl are really just DOWN2FUCK like krayzee’

She asked me for a blank check
and I gave it to her, but it didn’t matter because I have a trust fund
and she only took $2000 from me
Think that means she ‘loved’ me because she didn’t steal $5K+

Srsly hope she’s not sick, though
Would feel ‘pretty bad’
and might even consider marrying her
so that she can have my bad ass health insurance [via $15 co-pay]

I miss her
I think I could have changed her
and reconciled all of her debt
and turned her into the free-spirited mom with a meaningful life in the city
that she always wanted.
I would have gotten a matching chest tatty
and we would put the same chest tatty on each of our children
as soon as they exited the womb.

Not sure if this is an ‘authentic sad story’
or just some girl who wanted ‘to be internet famous’
or possibly ’some sort of hoax’ by an AZN graduate art student

If I were this AZN, I would ‘turn myself in’
and write a movie script about my meaningful life
and how I was ‘just a misunderstood alt from rural Utah/suburbia’
Demand to be played by Karen O/the Juno Girl/Margaret Cho/Sandra Oh/the AZN in Rushmore

She was already in a successful viral video. Think that means u can ‘make it’ in Hollywood/Bollywood [via Slumdog]. Sort of wish I worked for the Salt Lake City police so I could put my film degree to use by putting together this type of video media. Feel like I would really be helping the world.

I think every1 has ’socially puzzling’ people enter their lives’ at least once every 2 year. Like the kind who ’steals ur friends laptop’ or ‘mysteriously enters/leaves town one day.’ The kind of person who feels ‘really happy’ when they are ’social climbing’ and u don’t rlly ‘understand WHY’ they seem s0 sad/alone. Fortunately, these types of people are only around for 1-3 months. U just have to be sure not to a) have sex with them b) make them dependent on u for things like ‘fun’, ‘meeting new people’, ‘transportation services’, or ‘drugs.’ They sort of just ‘fade out of ur life’ when they realize that u ‘don’t find them interesting as a person’/they can’t ’steal/leech n e thing from u.’ U just have to be brave enough not to return their 5th text.

BE CAREFUL YALL. srsly. so many ppl out there with bad intentions. just hang out on the internet all day 2 keep urself safe. do no give out ur credit card info unless u r buying a kewl t-shirt or shoes or something.

Do u ‘feel sad’ for the AZN? or does she sound ‘too good to be true’?
Do u think she is ‘hot’? Do u think she is ‘a disgusting person’?
Do u think she will forever change the AZN stereotype?
Do u think she is going to ‘go to jail’?
Or will some Alternative Video startup give her a ’show’ on their website, like ‘Kewl New Bands (with the HIPSTER GRIFTER): Live from the Girl Talk Concert’? Glad that we are guaranteed a ‘where are they now…?’ post about her in 1.36 years.
Hope she is okay…

Feel sad abt ppl who ‘value’ stuff that I ‘take 4 granted’ like social awareness, money, semi-healthy relationships with friends who aren’t too krazie, and general social acceptance.

miss u Grifty
(Does n e 1 know what ‘grifter’ means?)
Please leave ur real/fake story about how u knew her in the comments.

This has a blog post about the popular meme The Hipster Grifter, also known by her human name Kari Ferrell. She is allegedly related to popular standup comedian Will Ferrell.

Think they look like they are ‘actually in <3', though. right?

Not sure why they are dating. Maybe there are some mutual fetishes that they fulfill 4 one another. These fetishes might include ‘AZN ownership‘, ‘big ol titties’, ‘bald heads’, and ‘cumming.’ Hope they are the next Green Aggs and Ham. Damn. Sad.

Since they are both celebrities, we have to come up with a nickname 4 them. Here are some of my suggestions:
a) Billy Tequila
b) Smashing AZNs
c) AZN Pumpkins
d) 197AZN
e) Despite all my rage, u r still just an azn in a cage
f) BaldBro and Lil AZN love hole
g) Bisexual AZN going out with somewhat legitimate famous bro to extend her career for 1.4 months
h) 90s Alt + Myspacer Skank
k) Tonight, Tonight I will cum with my AZN
j) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Can’t believe Smashing Pumpkins are so old. Feel sad that 1 day, the bands that represented alternativeness/rock n roll-ish stuff will be ‘old.’ Need 2 keep using the internet 2 find new music.

Can some1 plz tell me what Tila Tequila does? I read on wikipedia that she is ‘the mainstream, AZN Cory Kennedy.’

Think I need to buy this new keyboard, to remind me of the city/graveyards/death. I think this is supposed 2 remind u about how the whole world is built on computers [via data entry on keyboards], or something like that. ‘and then we all end up 6 feet underground.’

Paul Chan meme

Might get this Photoshop tie. Need it 2 prove that I ‘get’ design. Need people to know that these icons are the tools through which I can make anything happen.

Might get this shirt that is ‘a clever take’ on that line from the Sixth Sense, and talks about how I feel like I am superior to most people who I encounter during the day.

Might get this shirt that also lets people know that I have a higher state of consciousness/self-awareness than they do. Want them to know not to try to have some dumb conversation with me–I don’t have time for that shit.

Might ‘brand myself’ as some creepy, foreign douchebag who probably ‘has too much confidence around women’ and ‘at his job’, and decide to buy a new computer. Will talk about how I am so informed, and in touch with my own needs, then buy a sillie Dell computer

Maybe I’ll just ‘get blazed’ and go 2 IHOP. Eat some pancakes.

Not sure if I am even interested in ‘buying shit’, but probably more interested in convincing people 2 buy shit. Might start an ad agency, and organize a cult’s mass-suicide as a viral marketing campaign for Nike/the company of ur choice.

Will build a shoe inspired by the event, and have Kobe Bryant/ LeBron James wear the shoes at the Olympics in China.

This will be part of a global plan/brainwashing scheme to ‘take down the Chinese’ and take back control of being ‘the most relevant country on the Earth.’

Need investors. Ideas take money, whether it is buying something 4 urself, or executing a creative project.

Worried that I don’t have much money left in my bank account. Might have to fly 2 France so that I can ‘pretend I am rioting in the name of change’, but actually just ‘try to steal some cash from an ATM.’ Might have to alter my physical appearance to make me seem like a ‘bro with no will to live’ who would actually ‘do something THAT crazie.’

Have yall seen n e thing kewl 2 buy lately?
Have any ideas for projects that u’d like 2 do that would impact the world/ur local community?