bathroom hotties | Hipster Runoff

bathroom hotties

Motorboating: The Most Authentic Form of Self-Expression in 2k9? (NSFW)

It's pretty interesting to think about 'dance.' It is not just a genre of music--it is actually an act which your body performs. It is an art. You express yourself and 'let it all out' when you dance. There are things inside of you which need 2 be let out. Music facilitates dance.
In 2k9, music will not be as 'dancey'--it will be more conceptual. This means we cannot dance, and we must find a way to let out our deeply embedded sexually repressed feelings & 'teen angst' [via m83+our parents getting divorced]. The only way to do this will be [via motorboating]. AltBros are growing up and electro music will no longer be blggbl. Altbros are ready. They are ready to do more than just 'grind into girls standing in front of them at concerts.'

Motorboating is a rite of passage.
Don't be afraid of growing up.
This is what it means to live in 2k9.



What do yall do when u see a shitter? Do yall 'get naked' or 'let turds fall out of u'?

[Photos by LastNightsParty]

WTF is a bathroom? (NSFW)

One of my biggest fears in life is losing my memory and motor skills. One of my closest relatives recently developed Alzheimer's Disease. She forgot her family, her name, and even how to perform basic human bodily functions. I fear getting old, not only for vanity reasons, but also because I am afraid of losing the ability to function. What if one day, I walked into a bathroom and didn't know what to do/where to poop/the difference between a sink+toilet? What if I didn't know the difference between a Nokia Razr and a Macbook? What if I forgot the name of my first alternative child & my first free spirited wife? What if I 4got the difference between 'alt' and 'mnstrm'? What if I forgot the difference between the Hipstar Ranoffs and the Pitchfork Television?

What if I 4got the difference between ________ and _________?

In 2k9, HRO will be less about 'alt' and more about 'blggng about fears inside of all of us--like mortality, heights, the poor side of town, and our parentz dying without them 'getting' us.'

[Photo by Last Nite's Bathroom]

/// What are yall afraid of?

Taking a bath with a group of ur closest friends = the new 'getting buzzed' with a group of ur closest friends? (NSFW)

At the end of the night, do u ever 'feel kinda dirtie' and end up taking a bath with a group of ur closest friends? Sometimes when I am taking a shower, I pretend that I am scrubbing myself free of my past, and all of the bad decisions I have made in my life.

Might start 2 take showers with friends so we can 'get over' a lot of the social bullshit + relationship mistakes that we made.

Just wanna bond in an authentic kind of way. Remember that time __________(alternative celebrity/band) came 2 town, and we ended up hanging with him until 7 a.m. We ended up eating Mc________ (McDonalds breakfast food) and doing blow as we watched the sunrise. Kinda wish every weekend could be that meaningful.

Looking 4 a group of girls who 'want to get their fuck on' at the end of the night, and don't rlly care abt gender. Looking for a free spirited girl who 'doesn't mind takin her clothes off' bc her body is 'beautiful' and/or 'art.'

n e ways...can we assume that this tuggle of girls in the shower are sponsored by antiquated Blackberry models?

Will people laugh at my iPhone in 6 months?

[Photos by LastNitesParty]

Previous hotties in bafrooms

sent from my bPhone


Plz pardon the lack of posting as HRO transitions into an alternative SMUT bl0g. I have been doing extensive market research, and the music industry is fading away. Instead of music, more people are more interested in pictures of h0tties in bathrooms.

It's easier to find hotties in bathrooms than it is to find [BUZZWORTHY] music and internet memes that will last 4ever. Remember this hottie in the bathrom? How about the toilet straddler? Remember the port-o-potty bandit? It's easier to blog abt hotties chilling on toilets than it is to blog abt life, love, and 'what it means to be alt.'

Being from an island = 'other'?

Would HRO be better if I drew turds coming out of bathroom hotties?

[Photo via Miami Nights]

NSFW: Some alt gets 2 drunk, confuses vintage record player for a toilet, tries 2 poop in it

Sorta wonder what happened 2 this girl. She seems kinda 'out of it', like she pulled down her pants, took off her top to 'get naked.' Maybe she is one of those people who only feels comfortable enough to poop when they get naked. Worried that this high priced limited edition vinyl of the Arcade Fire + this vintage record player are about to get 'completely shat upon/ruined.'

Worried that she is 'so tanked' that she confused this authentic vintage record player for a pooper / toilet. Maybe it is supposed to be a 'metaphor abt ass holes who collect vinyl records in our digital age.' Feel like she is possibly 'raging against' the current state of the indiesphere. I don't really know what the deal with 'records' is, when most albums are created digitally. Seems like a 'backwards' process to convert digitally recorded music to the format of some sort of 'plate' that makes sounds. Not even sure how 'records' even work. Doesn't really seem to involve 'computer language' or anything like that.

Does n e 1 know what the deal with 'vinyl collecting' is all about? Seems mad easy to just illegally steal MP3s. Feel 'perplexed' by 'record heads.' and 'record shops' that sell records. Sorta wish the people who run the iTunes super store would burn all of that shit down [via guerrilla terrorism].

Really feel like mp3s have changed my life 4 the better. Not sure why the vinyl industry exists. Kinda agree with this woman who is pooping all over that shit.

But that's just my two cents.
What do yall think?

-the Alt Report Robot

My Two Cents is a Weekly Feature by the Alt Report Robot with a hard hitting take on a relevant topic.

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