bronoodling | Hipster Runoff


Prince of Dubstep Skrillex spotted bronoodling with King of Alt Jared Leto

Jared's VIP Diary - Entry Log Date 00:004:032 044/32/20 AFTER THE DEATH OF CHRIST (AKC - AFTER KURT COBAIN)

I met Skrillex today. Yes, he was intimidated by me, not just because I was wearing some sort of samurai ninja dress, but because I am Jared Leto, King of Alt. I am familiar with his status as the Prince of Dubstep. He rules one of the regions of my alt kingdoms, a thriving dubstepian region that lays beyond the RapeGaze Swamplands, but above the pampa that the White Man's Indie Suburbs have overtaken.

It is beautiful to see all of my Alt Lands. Floating down the steampunk river, beyond the indie rap Badlands, making our way into the LoFi Mountains. This is our beautiful land, and I am honored to have Skrillex leading the developing country of Dubstepia as the Prince of Dubstep. There are many important internal policy issues that this developing nation shall have to make. Healthcare, glowstick assistance for the poor, crowd control issues--they are facing a unique set of problems. The diversity of Dubstep Nation makes them a peaceful people.

Difficult times call for difficult decisions that will shape the future of the Electro Continent. God bless you, Prince Skrillex of the Dubstepian tribe. May your region thrive, see an economic festival rave boom, and may your electro tariffs and taxes fund the next great Renaissance in all of Alt. It is time for us to give up on the dying White Man's Indie.

I am Jared Leto. King of Alt.

You live in my Altopia?

You're welcome,

Jared Leto

Actor, Buzzband

Jared Leto is an alternative actor, and the lead singer of the band 30 Seconds to Mars.

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Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Skrillex is a popular dubstep DJ who is arguably the #1 alt DJ in the world.

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Grimes spotted canoodling with Pitchfork Founder & CEO Ryan Schreiber at P4kFest


Pitchfork Music Festival takes place every year in Chicago, IL. To consumers, it appears to be a standard music festival, but it is in fact an important industry event where many of the buzz contracts are negotiated between websites, artists, managers, and publicists. It is no surprise that this picture of Ryan Schreiber, the creator of Pitchfork, was spotted in some sort of heavy conversation with Claire Boucher, better known as Grimes. On the surface, they might look as though they are 'canoodling' or even 'bronoodling', leading to rumors of a romance that would explain the rise of Grimes career in the past year.

The truth is, we'll never know what was shared in this conversation. If only more people were willing to ask hard hitting questions instead of being force fed buzz by the same members of the Corrupt Indie Machine that have led us into this buzz drought. We are upside down on our buzz mortgages. Our buzz college loans will never be paid back. So many Corrupt Indie Machine forces trying to cockblock Buzz_health_care that would ensure every buzz citizen has the right to treatment.


Is Pitchfork Festival a buzz pyramid scheme?
Did u go 2 #p4kfest?
What do u think they talked abt?
Why is Grimes wearing a headset?
Did she get deported to an Indian call center?
Is her next album about business campuses in India?
Should she invest in Bluetooth technology?


Thank U
4 attending
but I prefer 2 call it
A celebration of me and my accomplishments
All of u ppl
are nothing without me
I invented this culture
Give thanks 2 ur Buzz God
I Am The Buzz God
Creator of the Ultimate Buzz Pyramid Scheme
Where I will always be on top

Ryan Schreiber

Alternative Entrepreneur, Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Ryan Schreiber is the creator of Pitchfork Media. He is one of TIME MAGAZINE's most important people in the world ever.

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Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Grimes is Claire Boucher, a Canadian bleep bloop singer music project.

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Grimes spotted bronoodling with SEXI LEXI Krauss. Which 1 is keuter?

Oh Sexi Lexi BB...
Plz stay the same
I hope u don't degenerate
into a #zoner

That's what I <3 abt u Lexi
U don't have to wear a headset
to connect with the Creatures and Gods who live in Altered Zones
U just do U
U don't try 2 hard 2 do a fake U
U've never resorted 2 a Skrillex haircut with bangs

U won't end up dead
after a DJ set in Mexico
U didn't have to get a part time job
at a telemarketing call center in order to pay ur buzz bills
after obtaining a buzz loan at unfair rates

Grimesy who? #TeamLexKrauss4evr

Does Alexis Krauss look WAY keuter than Grimes?
Which 1 is the most premium alt diva?
Who is Grimes talking 2 in her headset?
Do u think she works at a Dell computer customer service centre?
R u on #TeamSexiLexi?

Alexis Krauss

Alternative Celebrity

Alexis Krauss is the lead singer of Sleigh Bells. She has a Virgin Mary Tattoo.

Lists: tattooed, QTs, bangs
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Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Grimes is Claire Boucher, a Canadian bleep bloop singer music project.

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Grimes and Samantha Urbani from FRIENDS show off their BANGIN BODS, party like effing rock stars

Photo via Weird Magic dot Biz

Friends and Grimes are 2 'buzzbands of the future' that are getting buzz for being branded as 'buzzworthy', mainly because they have female lead singers with BANGIN BODS who are representative of the new 'it girl' aesthetic. B4 u know it, both of them will be featured on the covers of random ass magazines that u've never heard of bc they look hot/alt/keut. It seems like Claire Boucher (Grimes) and Samantha Urbani (Friends) were recently spotted bronoodling/canoodling/partying like effing rock stars at a VIP event at Festival NRML in Mexico.

Sorta wish I coulda been there... Seems like a super intimate 3rd World VIP vibe... Would have had the opportunity to 'talk shop' with some of the most relevant alt celebs of 2mrrw. Get 'hella drunk', then make a pass at them with the intro line, "I loved ur debut EP."


Oh Grimey... I think I'm #falling_4_u even though I only rlly like abt 1.7 of ur mp3s that have already been out for ~2 years...

U turn the buzzworld on with ur pure smile...

Who do u think is keuter?
What do u think they talked abt?
Do u <3 Samantha Urbani's bangin bod?
Do u vibe harder 2 Sammi Urbani bc she is 'less crusty' than Grimes?

Do u wish u could party like an effing rock star [via buzzbands]?
Are these bands buzzworthy or just 'over hyped buzzbands of tomorrow' who are exploiting the Corrupt Indie Machine with their keutness?
Does GRIMES have a BANGIN bod even though she is a crustie? [link]
Are Claire Boucher and Samantha Urbani 'the next generation' of premium indie divas?
Do they look good, bb?

Samantha Urbani

Alternative Celebrity

Samantha Urbani is the lead singer QT of the buzzband Friends.

Lists: QTs, it girls
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Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Grimes is Claire Boucher, a Canadian bleep bloop singer music project.

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Crystal Castles spotted bronoodling with Joseph Kony. Are they making him alt famous? #STOPKONY #KONY2012

Jospeh Kony is a brand new internet viral sensation who has all of the blogs buzzing. No1 knew who he was, so some white dude who has a perfect life so he uses his excess energy to worry abt Third World issues was all like "I am going to make him go viral bc I own a nonprofit internet buzz company." It worked, and #KONY was #trending harder than any #hashtag that I have seen in hours. Now it seems like Joseph Kony is 'on the run', or he is actually just trying to raise his dictator-vibe/warlord brand, become Osama Bin Laden/Saddam Hussein level 'famous.' It is always hard to convert internet fame to IRL accomplishments, even in the field of genocide, oppression and cruel acts against humanity.

Kony must be trying to break into the buzzosphere because he was recently seen vibing with Crystal Castles. Sorta jealous that Alice Glass might be getting VIP tips on how to construct child armies. More indie buzzbands are attempting to corner the tween/pre-teen market, so u have 2 give CC props for reaching out 2 Kony, killing 3 birds with one stone:

  • Chillin with big thangs poppin
  • LEarning how to build child armies
  • Making Kony Famous #KONY2012 #STOPKONY

Do u think Kony was #canoodling with Alice Glass?
Do u think Ethan Kath will let Kony be an 'other dude' in his band?
Will Kony hurt or help their album sales?
Is Kony replacing 'Bob Smith' in Crystal Castles?

Will Joseph Kony become more alt famous?
Has JoJo Kony's buzz already 'died'?
Is Invisible Children just going to buy iPads 4 Uganda?
Should Invisible Children be shut down by the government?
Were Crystal Castles the original Invisible Children?
What would U do 2 make Kony famous?

Tyler the Creator spotted bronoodling with 'this nigga' Kanye West. Are Big Thangs Poppin?

Tyler the Creator is some buzz rapper that ppl think is 'kewl', but I figured he would have imploded in the same James Blake bubble era that he was hyped in. I guess rap is a more viable mainstream option than drone bass music. I really know know anything about rap, nor do I understand why I should appreciate it, so I don't really think he is cool or anything, but I guess if I were some 'swag tween', I would listen 2 him and go to Odd Future popup shops in the greater Los Angeles area.

Anyways, this is a picture of him bronoodling with Kanye West. It seems like they want u to know that BIG THANGS are poppin. I think that's what rappers just try to do all the time. Say what you will about Drake, but these days, it truly feels like Tyler the Creator is the softest rapper in the game.

Can Tyler the Creator ever reach 'Kanye Level' or is he more of an M.I.A. type of character who will just provide overhyped shocking pop culture moments?
Are big thangs poppin?
Do they look swag?
Do they look cray?
Do they look trill?
Should Tyler the Creator stop using the n-word, or is he allowed 2 bc he is a black rapper?

Tyler, The Creator

Alternative Celebrity

Tyler is a teenage producer, rapper, and the leader of an experimental lofi shock-rap crew called Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All.

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Skrillex spotted bronoodling with nostalgic human meme Mr. Belding in relevant VIP section

skrillex Mr Belding
Skrillex has it all. Mad record sales, mainstream fame, alt fame, adoring fans who will go see him DJ for any price, and approaching one million Twitter followers. But now it seems like he truly has it all now that he has been bronoodling with Mr. Belding [via Saved By the Bell fallen human meme].

Is Mr. Belding 'addicted 2 VIP' and 'partying hard'?

Has Mr. Belding always partied and hung out with kids who looked alt?

Is he addicted to 'bitches', 'partying' and 'the VIP lifestyle'?

May you find a way to escape from the dark bender that Mr. Belding might try 2 take u on.
In your own name we pray.

Do u wish u could bronoodle with the Prince of Dubstep?
Do u wish u could bronoodle with the Principal of Bayside High School?
Is this an EPIC BRONOODLING sesh?
Does Mr. Belding seem hella chill or hella dark?
Who was more 'alt': Zach Morris, AC Slater, or Screech's porn career?


Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Skrillex is a popular dubstep DJ who is arguably the #1 alt DJ in the world.

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Kickball Katy spotted canoodling with Black Lips frontman Jared Swilley who bronoodled with Ryan Gosling

Kickball Katy is known as one the QTest BBs in the entire indiesphere. Jared Swilley is known as 'one of the bad boys of indie.' What happens when they get together and pose 4 a Gorilla Vs. Bear polaroid? The are TOTES canoodling, but most importantly, they both LOOK REAL GOOD, BBs.

This is great news, especially after the death of Zooey Deschanel and Benjamin Gibbard. We need more of the world's alt celebs producing 'canoodling moments', even if they are just 4 us 2 blog. I hope that JarBear gives Katy a chance, even tho he seems to be canoodling/bronoodling with RyGos, who is totesally a hauttie.

Who would u rather canoodle with: Kickball Katy or Ryan Gosling?
Is Jared Swiley 'hotter' than Win Butler/Bradford Cox?
Can Kickball Katy 'go solo' and release an album that sounds halfway between Best Coast and Lana Del Rey?
Who is the #1 couple in indie right now?
Is Ryan Gosling 'the poor man's Leonardo DiCaprio'?
Is Ryan Gosling just 'the new James Franco' [mean that as an insult]?
What indie celeb do u want 2 canoodle with?

Jared Swilley

Alternative Celebrity

Jared Swiley is the frontman bad boy of the Black Lips. One time he beat up WAVVES.

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Ezra Koenig spotted bronoodling with The Cobrasnake

Photo via The Cobrasnake

Ezra Bro?
Where've u been, bro?
I know ur not on tour....
Why are you ignoring me?

Are you mad at me or something?
Did I say something wrong?
I saw you were VIPing with Cobrabro
What's up with that?
I thought we were all VIP?
Why didn't you list me?

I texted you a few times last week.
Did u get a new number, bro?
Why'd you unfollow me on twitter?
I can't direct message you any more

Where've you been?
Do you still get on gChat, or are u just ghosting all the time?
I searched for you on facebook
But I'm not sure which one the real you is
Do you operate your own fan page?

Bro? Ezra Broenig?
Can we talk soon?
Why are you ignoring me?
I thought we were bros
Then I asked Rostam what was up with you
and he was like "Yeah he's not going out much any more"
But then I hear you are out all the time.

Let's just try to clear the air.
Please talk to me.
I miss bronoodling with u. :-(

Am I not AltJew enough 4 u?

The Cobrasnake

Alternative Celebrity

Mark Hunter is the Cobrasnake, some bro who travels around the world taking pictures of alt shit so now he has a lifestyle brand.

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Ariel Pink unveils new haircut. SPOILER ALERT: He has TOTALLY KEUT MAN BANGS.

Ariel Pink is known as 'the god of modern lofi', but there was actually a crazier, lofi-ier SOB who came along before him named R. Stevie Moore. Tons of pure fans of crappy-yet-brilliant lofi pop fans claim that Moore is way more authentic than Ariel, and Ariel totally sold out bc his last album reached the 'mainstream indie masses', but at the end of the day, Ariel Pink will die sitting on a pile of buzz dollars, while R. Stevie Moore will probably still have to partake in seasonal employment, working as Santa Claus around the Christmas holidays.

Enough discussion abt the mainstreamification of lofi, check out Ariel's new hairdo!

BB! I love love LOVE the bangs! Ur a true fashion innovator, and QT Pie. Say what u will about who is the true King of Lofi--one thing we know 4 sure is that ur the King of Keut male bangs. Ariel has surely outdone the Win Butler haircut, the Bradford Cox haircut, the Alan Palombro, and the Jack Donny-hueys shaved head.

Piper Kaplan of the buzzband Puro Instinct looks good, too, bb! How are u and ur sister? Hope they make a sexi new music video sometime soon.

Who is the King of Lofi?
Does Ariel look good with his new bangs?
Do u ever wish u got to chill with lofi indie royalty, or are u more into the dubstep VIP scene?
Is R. Stevie Moore 'better than' Ariel Pink?
Who is 'crazier'?
Who has a higher 'net worth'?
Who has a higher 'net buzz worth' [adjusted 4 buzz inflation/deflation]?
R u gonna get man bangs?


Ariel Pink

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Ariel Pink is a 'lofi genius/wizard/mastermind' who has transitioned his brand to 'relevant indie buzzband status' in 2k10.

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Grizzly Bear frontman Ed Droste spotted canoodling with alt comedienne Sarah Silverman

Who is that indie celeb brushing shoulders with alt comedienne Sarah Silverman? Well it's Grizzly bear's lead Hotty McHotHot, Edward Droste. Ed has been WORKING HARD on a new GrizzBear album, so I'm glad he took some time 2 bronoodling with some relevant Hollywood celebs at a VIP event... U deserve it, bb! Ur so Hollywood! I'm sure she made some really 'inappropriate jokes', then farted, then talked in stupid voices. Every1 laughed, she got a sitcom deal, then it was cancelled after 1 season when it only got niche-level ratings.

Here he is playing grab ass with some broad who looks moderately famous. I still feel like the picture of him next to Sarah Silverman 'carries more weight' in terms of celebrity cred.

Does Ed 'look good'?
Has he 'gone Hollywood'?
Are indie celebs maturing, and reaching the point where they 'leave NYC' and start a new, rich & leisurely life in Hollywood?
Will Grizzly Bear ever set aside their internal differences and determine who is the 'famousest' member of their group?
Do u think that their 2k9 album 'Vecky' was better than 'MPP'?

St. Vincent tries to go mainstream, bronoodles with Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift is a mainstream broad who singer-songwrites, and sings abt how boys should like her 4 her even though she is 'just a 6 with a sense of creativity.' St. Vincent is an indie guitarist broad, and I have no idea what she sings about because her songs are all abstract and conceptual, and I would probably only bother to sort thru her lyrics if I were a lonely girl who was desperate to project meaning on to anything. An mp3. A man. A romantic comedy. That's why it is easier to be a creative female than a creative male. The bar is just set so low.

Anyways, St. Vincent has a new album coming out, so she is doing her best 2 try to 'crossover', because if this one doesn't 'go mainstream', she will definitely lose the interest of both the indiesphere and the mainstreamosphere. Best case scenario, she starts an indie Lilith Fair with other femmy indie artists who won't go mainstream like Joanna Newsom.

I wonder what they talked abt. I wonder if Taylor Swift knew who the hell Annie Clark was. Maybe St Vincy was giving her guitar lessons, and lending her a 'sweet pedal board.' I really have no idea, but they are bronoodling, and St. Vincent's album launch will be an ABSOLUTE DISASTER if she doesn't chart in the top 10 or get above an 8.8 from Pitchfork.

What do u think they talked abt?
Do they look good?
Who is keuter?
Who is that other mainstreamer?
Who writes better songs?
Should they 'collab' on some mp3 that is aimed at both tweens and lonely 40something women?

St. Vincent

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

St. Vincent is Annie Clark. She plays the guitar and writes deep songs that go on for a really long time.

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Shakira bronoodles with Sarah Silverman! Hotties!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Sarah BB!! Shak-BB!'

I LOVE women in music, but i also LOVE LOVE LOVE women in comedy. YES women can be intelligent AND funny too, which is why Bridesmaids is DEFANATELY my vote for #1 movie AND #1 chick flick of the year.

Shakira has A BANGIN BOD and at the same time is talented... the same goes for Sarah Silverman who is truly a comedic genius. I loved her on MadTV or whatever comedy show she was on.

I NEED 2 hang out with them ASAP... maybe they could teach me how to be more talented at things besides stapling papers, data entry, and forwarding phone calls 2 different ppl at my job. #ReceptionistLife

they both look good, BBs!

Tina Fey who? #TeamSarSilv!
Selena who? #TeamShakira

Jake Gyllenhaal bronoodles with 1 of the hippie hipsters from Mumford & Sons!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Jake BB! ur so hot! and u love love love GREAT music. I listen to hipster music sometimes too, and Mumford & Sons are DEFINATELY in my iTunes. They write BRILLIANT songs. DeathCab who?? #TeamMumf


But sometimes I get confused bc of BrokeBack Mountains. One time I had an ex who turned out to be gay. He would go on vacations to meet his 'friend'. Then one time I saw them kissing. It was heartbreaking. Don't get me wrong, I have gay bffs, but what he did was wrong 2 me. Harvey Milk proved that U r FREE 2 be URSELF. Don't be ashamed. Set urself free and COME OUT. Just don't lead me on, then dump me for ur best friend who is a guy. Ugh

I LOVE MUMFORD AND SONS! Best band ever!

Jake I cant wait 2 see ur new movie, bb! Ur a HOTTIE HUNK #yum

Ezra Koenig spotted bronoodling with the cast of Jersey Shore, rumored to be joining show

Ezra Koenig is the sexi hot hunky frontman from the hit buzzband Vampire Weekend. In addition, he sometimes 'goes solo' and 'collabs' with lots of different indie bands. However, now it seems like he is 'trying to take his career to 'mainstream levels' by bronoodling with the cast of Jersey Shore. The Situation, Pauly D, Snickers, J-Whoa, Sammi Sweet<3, Ronnie, Vinnie... and Ezzie!

Ezra looks 'right at home' because I think he is from the greater tri-State area. Even though he is 'Jewish', he can probably still vibe guido style. He was educated at a top tier American university, and is probably pretty good at 'learning about' and assimilating 2 different cultural vibes. If I were a betting man... I'd say that Ezra is about to 'make a splash' on Jersey Shore. Trust me. The guy can 'run mad game', end up in ur pants in 3 lines or less.

One day we'll look back to the days when Ezra was just an indie icon... Before he went mainstream and became a beloved Jersey Shore + Dancing with the Stars character.

Is reality TV 'a good move' 4 his career?
Does he look like he will fit in on the Jersey Shore, or will he have 2 'win the trust' of the other roommates?
Are Jersey Shore memes 'still relevant', or is no1 interested any more?


According to our fact-checking department, the Jersey Shore photo was ACTUALLY photoshopped utilizing a still image from this photograph.

Flaming Lips lead singer Wayne Coyne spotted bronoodling with NBA Superstar Kevin Durant

Wayne Coyne is the lead singer of The Black Lips. Or the Flaming Lips. I'm not sure. He's the one that sings that "Do U Realize???" song about existentialism. Anyways, he is apparently one of the most famous people from Oklahoma besides Hanson. He was recently spotted in the VIP locker room of the Oklahoma City, attending a relevant meet-and-greet with Oklahoma City Thunder superstar Kevin Durant.

From what I understand, the Oklahoma City Thunder are 'going thru a tough time right now', because their point guard, Russell Westbrook, might be too selfish, and is 'ballhogging' the ball away from Kevin Durant even though Kevin Durant is way better than him. They might lose 2 the Memphis Grizzlies, but after the acquisition of Kendrick Perkins from the Boston Celtics, they might 'have the size and toughness' to compete with any time in the league.

Do u wish u could move to Oklahoma and be 'famous'?
R u sad that Kevin Durant spurned the Seattle Super Sonics and took his talents 2 OKC?

Are the Flaming Lips 'still relevant'?
Is Wayne Coyne a 'weird bro' or a 'chill bro'?
Should he move out of Oklahoma, or is it a pretty alt state?
Is Kevin Durant 'better than' Derrick Brose?
Is Kevin Durant the #1 player in the NBA?
Can the Oklahoma City Thunder prevent the Miami Heat from winning 8 championships in a row?
Is Kevin Durant an authentic indie music fan? Does he <3 indie more than Matt Bonner?
Is Kevin Durant a better shooter than Chuck Person/Dale Ellis?

Ezra Koenig spotted bronoodling with Danny DeVito

Ezra Koenig and Danny Devito were two of Coachella's most Very Important VIPs in attendance at Coachella. It seems like they had a chance to really bro down in a relevant VIP area, sharing ideas. Ezra chose to stay hydrated with a bottle of water, while Danny DeVito's 4'6" frame decided to 'get shitfaced.' They look like true bros, and I wouldn't be surprised if Danny DeVito was asking Ezra to 'make love to his daughter like a true rock star would' [via indecent/creepy proposals]. But that's just another day in the life of Ezra Koenig, the #1 indie hunk in indie....

Ezra looks good, bb!

Walking thru the crowds of Coachella
So many ppl recognizing me
Telling me I am beautiful and talented
I have earplugs in 2 preserve my hearing
Wearing a cap, to protect my skin from the sun
Life as a top tier indie celeb
Has its perks...
But there is a price 2 pay for buzz and relevancy
I am Ezra Koenig and this is my story...

Do Ezra and Danny 'look good'?
Do u think they talked about comedy?
Were they really 'bronoodling' or just 'standing kinda close 2 one another?
Do u wish u ran into Ezra Koenig at Coachella then made out with him in the back of a rented Jeep Liberty in the Coachella parking lot?



Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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Chaz Bundick of Toro Y Moi and horrorcore rapper Tyler the Creator spotted bronoodling

I just found this leftover SXSW meme. It is just a picture of Odd Future horrorcore teen sensation rapper Tyler the Creator hanging out with Chaz Bundick, the 'front man' of the Toro Y Moi sound project. I don't know what they are talking about, or if they are authentic bros, or if they are 'collab-ing' in this picture, but whenever u see 2 alt celebrities canoodling or bronoodling, u have to blog about it because it is usually more interesting than an MP3.

They seem chill, like they are just talking about 'life as a blipster', and how the white indiesphere wants to chew them up and spit them out.

Who do yall think is a more talented artist?
Who will be around 4evr? Who will have a longer career?
Who will go more mainstream?
Do u think they are bffs, or will they end up 'enemies'?
Is the indiesphere an 'equal opportunity buzz-enabler'?
Do u think they are allowed to use 'the n-word' 2gthr bc they are both black?
Who will 'rank higher' in the album of the year 2k11 race?
Which of these bands 'won' SXSW?

Tyler, The Creator

Alternative Celebrity

Tyler is a teenage producer, rapper, and the leader of an experimental lofi shock-rap crew called Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All.

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Aziz Ansari tries to be alt by going 2 SXSW and bronoodling with alt celebs

Aziz Ansari is an alternative comedian who is still trying to figure out if he wants to 'go mainstream' and write Chris Rock-level standup, or if he is comfortable being a niche indie comic that does bits on indie buzzbands. He is in some comedy on NBC that no1 watches unless you don't own a TV and are still a big enough loser 2 spend hours watching hulu on your laptop. Anyways, he went to SXSW and hung out with relevant alt celebs to try to prove that he is totally relevant and alt.

Here is he with Kanye West.

Aziz Ansari and alt DJ A-Trak

The Brothers Macklovitch bronoodling [via IRL bros], bragging that they have the most authentic altJew existences in the world.

Is Aziz Ansari 'funny'/'relevant'?
Is he an authentic indie bro, or just a Sprawl-II-wave streamer?
Are ppl who watch NBC lofi digital comedies the modern version of lamestreamers?
Can Aziz Ansari 'go mainstream' or is his comedy too niche?
Are black ppl the funniest comedians because they can say 'the n-word'?
Is it 'alt' 4 mainstream celebs 2 go 2 alt festivals/events?

Aziz Ansari

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Aziz Ansari is an indie comic who is often associated wit the hit show 'Parks and Recreation' or the now defunct MTV show 'Human Giant.'

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Alternative Celebrity, DJ

A-Trak is a popular alt DJ who is also mainstream.

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Dave 1

Alternative Celebrity

Dave 1 is the indie frontman from the buzzband Chromeo.

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Toro Y Moi & James Blake spotted bronoodling at SXSW, chilldub collab in the works?

There were tons of rumored sightings of alternative celebrities canoodling and bronoodling at SXSW, however this picture captured chillwave pioneer Chaz Bundick (Toro Y Moi) and James Blake (The James Blakes) bronoodling at SXSW.

Chaz looks totes keut as always, while James Blake continues to perpetuate his brand as 'The Ginger Bieber of Indie' (in a ttly keut kinda way). Toro Y Moi was met with rave reviews at SXSW, while James Blake was kinda like 'ehhh... maybe he just sounds better in MP3 format. It's just 1 dude on an organ' but maybe indie critics will give him a second chance but ppl are also sorta cooling on his album buzz now that they can hype Odd Future as the 'indie flavor of the month' because they are American and the American indie press only hypes UK bands if they are 'desperate' for content [via the great buzz drought of 2k10-k11].

Are yall on #TeamChillwave or #teamDubstep?
Are yall on #TeamUSAindie or #TeamUKoverhypedBalogna?
Who looks keuter?
Do yall think they are collabing or could Chaz Bundick produce a hit dubstep album 'in his sleep'?
Do u <3 or h8 James Blake?
Would u <3 James Blake more if he got hammered & fell off stage after a week long bender?
Who 'won' SXSW?

James Blake

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

James Blake is a solo buzzband from London. Some call him 'the prince of dubstep.'

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The Cobrasnake spotted bronoodling with a Jonas Brother

I just saw this picture of Joe Jonas, 1 of the Jonas Brothers 'trying 2 be alt' by hanging out with popular alt photographer "The Cobrasnake." Not sure who I'd rather be, though... A relevant global alt celeb, or a tween celeb bro who is 'growing scruff' and trying to prove that he is more than just some tween.

Sorta just wish I coulda been a child star
Rode Disney Waves
then turned 18
rode slutwaves/released cock pix
doing tons of salvia wave drugs
Ending up in a VH1 reality show
via the Two Coreys
and dying
by age 40
[via Haim]

G-d Bless us, every famous tween.

Who would yall rather be: a Disney tween or a 'party photog'?
Are the Jonas Brothers still tween relevant?

The Cobrasnake

Alternative Celebrity

Mark Hunter is the Cobrasnake, some bro who travels around the world taking pictures of alt shit so now he has a lifestyle brand.

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Vampire Weekend spotted bronoodling with The Cobrasnake

Photos via thecobrasnake

vampire weekend cobrasnake mark hunter ezra koenig
I just saw this picture of Mark Hunter aka The Cobrasnake chillin with Vampire Weekend (Ezra Koenig and Rostam Bleeblahblooblahj or however u spell it). It seems like they were vibing out in Brazil, picking up mad bitches. Sorta wish I could be a relevant alt celeb so I could just 'point' at at entry level QT and be like 'ur coming back stage. Ur cumming, backstage.'

U. Backstage. Now

Ezra "Mack Daddy" Broenig does his nightly survey of the crowd.
Ezra Koenig sexy hot nude

Bass player Chris Baio seems 'overwhelmed' with his options. Probs just gonna take a gaggle of Brazilians backstage.
Chris Baio

Chris "TOMBOY" Tomson also seems 2 be vibing
chris tomson vampire weekend drummer

I wonder if Brazilian indie fans 'get' the Vampire Weekend brand or if they'll enjoy any American indie export that we send them.

As usual, looks like the Cobrasnake got the best entry-level alt QTs available. Kinda jeal. Want to offer all of these girls I AM CARLES modeling contracts [via going for the 'ethnic indie' look].

Do u wish u could be an alt celeb?
Do alt celebs live modern rock star lifestyles?
Will 'bronoodling' become a relevant term for a chill ass bro-down chill sesh between authentic bros?
Would u rather be a relevant 'party photographer' or 'the member of a relevant buzzband'?
Do u <3 Brazilian girls?
Do Brazilians still think that CSS is relevant? [via indie 1-hit-wonders]

//////BROS NITE OUT/////////
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The Cobrasnake

Alternative Celebrity

Mark Hunter is the Cobrasnake, some bro who travels around the world taking pictures of alt shit so now he has a lifestyle brand.

Read more>>>>
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