HIPSTER RUNOFF » child predator glasses

I wish they had Macbooks when I was a tween so I could create borderline pornographic content with my bff

Carles — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 22:07:41 +0000

I wish I could be a tween again
Filled with spirit, a love for modern music,
a will to joy, and a desire to dance like no1 is watching

Record my dances on my Macbook
to upload videos to youtube
so that I can dance like some1 is watching.

Late night on youtube
spent in an endless vortex of RELATED VIDEOS
until I stumble upon ™ tweens
who are dancing to a rap song
that is not very serious
but still very catchy and popular
because it is so approachable

Alone in my room on the internet
I look behind me
to ensure that Chris Hansen
from MSNBC’s To Catch a Predator
is not behind me
watching me watch these tweens
dance like no1 is watching

I wish I could be a tween again
and have fun with my bff
and record a video
dance around my pink room
is my lounge wear
that is comfy/sporty–yet ’sexie’

I learned these dance moves
from watching television/rap videos on youtube
I kind of do them ironically
but there is something within me that wants to be sexy
(I don’t know if I realize this yet)

I’m not a tween
Not yet a teen
Not yet a woman

This is a related video.

Borderline Porn [via youtube]: big in 2k9?
Child Predding without the glasses–big in 2k10?
Getting lost in mazes of RELATED VIDEOS: the story of ur internet life?
Do u wish u had a Macbook when u were a tween?
Do u think these tweens are keuter than the previous showcased tweens?
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/12/i-wish-they-had-macbooks-when-i-was-a-tween-new-hro-gimmick.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/01/i-wish-they-had-macbooks-when-i-was-a-tween-and-my-parents-took-me-on-road-trips-with-my-bff.html

R yall gonna buy ur daughter a macbook for her 12th Birthday?

Still not sure who I should d8 in 2k9

Carles — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 00:32:54 +0000

Falling in <3 is more difficult than people realize. I 'stayed in' this weekend 2 think abt 2k9, and where I want it 2 go. Who do I want 2 be? What do I want 2 discover about myself?

Ultimately, I guess I am asking myself

DO I WANT 2 BE WITH SOME1 WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME?

OR DO I WANT 2 BE WITH SOME1 WHO IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF ME?

OR SHOULD I ‘GET PREYED UPON’ BY A CHILD PREDATOR?

OR SHOULD EVERY NIGHT BE GIRLS/NIGHT/OUT?

OR SHOULD EVERY NIGHT BE GNO?

OR SHOULD EVERY NITE BE GALS NITE OUTTE?

OR SHOULD EVERY NIGHT BE GURLZ’NITEOWT?

[Photos by We Made Out Once]

What would yall do if ‘u were me’ and u were ’single’ headed in2 a new year?
Stay at home and ‘tug alone’ every nite, or is there ’something 2 be found out there’?

Forecasting the Child Predator Glasses Economy

Carles — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 16:44:48 +0000

In 2k8, I was able to make tons of mediocre posts heavily relying on the strength of the gimmick of Child Predator glasses. I’m not so sure if 2k9 will be easy. We are slowly but surely reliving the product lifespan of shuttershades. s00 popular at the beginning, but then got rlllly inauthentic.

[photo by click/clash]
I think what we’re slowly realizing is that there’s more to a Child Predator aesthetic than just glasses. A Child Predator is a direct threat to society, and looking like a child predator is less of a ‘fashion choice’ and more of a lifestyle choice. A ChildPred can strike at any time without warning. There is a certain level of free-spiritedness and ‘I might kill U’ zaniness that we can see in the eyes of Authentic Child Preds.

Putting on the lenses of a child pred does not enable u 2 c the world that they see.

This entry-level alt is indicative of the increasing inauthenticity rates among people who have branded themselves’ with child pred glasses.

[via lookbook]
As soon as things reach the kids/entry-levelers, the personal brand image has been tarnished, rendering the look to be inauthentic for the next 7-10 years.

Maybe I am all wrong. Maybe the next wave of child predators will wear zany suspenders & kute white shoes to ‘appeal 2 young kids.’

I will miss u Child Predator glasses.
(miss u shuttershades)
/// help
Which glasses will be ‘next’?
Have yall heard of Wayfarers?

What is the future of the Modern Child Predator (Glasses)?
Will Child Predators be forced to Update their gimmick in order to appeal to modern kids?

Have Child Predators Discovered a New Gimmick?

Carles — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 02:55:28 +0000

If I were a mainstream media journalist, I would turn this post into a puff piece that tells ppl how our society is falling apart. I would show this Man with Child Predator Glasses pouring vodka into the moufz of concert-goers, and try to point fingers at who could have possibly taught him this? Who is setting an example within our society that lets child predators have their way with God’s children?

We can’t just let every1 pour vodka in the moufs of every1.
There are laws within our society. The legal drinking age is 25 for a reason.
There are facebooks/social networking sites for child predators 4 a reason.
As an alternative population, we must do more to show that we are a good example for society as a whole. Please embrace the social responsibility of being a member of the alternative population.

h8 child preds
Hopefully Barry Obama finally starts doing stuff instead of sitting on his ass and smoking ciggs/going 2 Washington D.C. ‘tittie barz’/'laser tag arenas.’

XX BONUS GRABFEST SCENARIO XX
Can I ask u a personal question?

[Photos by thecobrasnk]
If u were at an alternative event, and u looked in2 the sky, and saw a former ‘it girl’ appear above you, would u
a) pass her along, becoming one with the crowd
b) have a lil grab
c) protect her from other altbros trying 2 have a lil grab at her, hoping that she would notice you and let u have a legitimate grab at the end of the night
d) ask her for career advice
e) take a picture with your iPhone
f) take a picture with your dSLR
g) try to make a vlog with her
h) ask her on a meaningful date with the line ‘I am not an alternative celebrity–but I do know what love is.’
i) ask her ‘WTF is a meme?’
j) wait 4 Agyness
k) wait 4 Uffie
l) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Previous GrabFests
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/grabfest-2k8.html

P0st m0re Child Predators

Carles — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 01:32:27 +0000

[Photo by icanteachuhow2doit]
Child Predator glasses will never die.
Child Predator glasses have been around forever.
Child Predator glasses can make u look like an authentic kreep, no matter how upper-middle class your family is.
Child Predator glasses help u distance ur personal brand from society’s norms.
Child Predator glasses make u look ‘a lil smart’ and ‘a lil crayzee.’
Child Predator glasses may or may not be the new shutter shades.
Child Predator glasses help u see in the dark when ur trying 2 murder some1.
Child Predator glasses turn u into some1 that u nvr thought u could be.
Child Predator glasses are the lenses through which most of America’s biggest tragedies were masterminded & executed.

///// Will Barry Obama ban child predator glasses? ///

Previous ChildPred coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/11/child-predatoring-is-a-serious-business.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/part-of-the-child-predator-never-dies.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/08/just-bc-i-dont-blog-about-child-predators-n-e-more-doesnt-mean-u-should-let-ur-guard-down-2.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/what-is-the-name-of-this-style-of-glasses.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/06/girl-talk-i-created-child-predator.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/we-dont-care-abt-the-child-predator-glasses-folks-pbj.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/the-lead-singer-of-hot-chip-his-child-predator-glasses.html

XX BONUS ALTBRO who is waaay 2 into blogs XX

{photo by lastnightsparty}
“I am an authentic altbro. I read mp3 blogs. I own a tshirt of my favourite MP3 blog instead of tshirt of my favourite band. I support RCRD LBL bc they allegedly pay artists when they post their music. Most music blogs are just predators and don’t care about artists. Most mp3 blogs just want to get paid, and don’t care about what they are contributing to making the music industry a level playing field where we can appreciate what is truly worth appreciating. One day, I will start a music blog. One day, my blog will change the way that people see the music industry. I have a Macbook and a couple of digital cameras. I have big dreams. But I would settle for a tug.”
-some altBro

Child Predatoring is a Serious Business

Carles — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:21:50 +0000

When I grow up, I want to work at a firm that allows me to ‘dress up’ AND wear child predator glasses.

[Photo by GaraceDore]

Sometimes I wonder what I will do when I grow up. I ‘don’t want to end up’ ‘working’ in a ‘cubicle’ and feeling meaningless, kinda like the movie ‘The Office Spaces.’ I am going to design school/liberal arts school to get a better perspective on the world. I want to be able to share this perspective with others who need help making decisions. I understand the world and/or people and/or humanity and/or ‘business.’

I am a coolhunter without even trying 2 b. Even though I do not realize it, I am on the cutting edge of ‘what’s NOW‘ in society.

I’ve read that employers like google have free buffet-style food and dry cleaning for their employees.

Should I work at google? Do they have vegan options? What can I do if I work 4 google? Can I be the guy who finds what people r looking for when they search?
Does n e other place have a progressive/zany [CUSTOMIZABLE] environment in which 2 work?

I just want an authentic place where I can work.
I want 2 work 4 a firm where I can contribute 2 humanity.
I don’t want to b ‘just another alternativeBrick in the wall.
I want to authentically bond with my coWorkers.
I want to have a lava lamp.
I want to have a progressive poster in my office that wouldn’t be allowed in most workplaces.
I want to have a starting salary of $60K per year and be able to waste half of my day on the internet.
I want to eat lunch at kute restaurants with healthy options every day.
I want to be respected within my office.
I want to have authentic conversation with my coWorkers, and not just talk abt ‘the weather’ or how my local sports team is ‘in the playoffs’ and ‘has a good shot.’
I want a workplace where I can have a sweet speaker system in my office, and blast Popular Songs from The HypeMachine which inspire coWorkers to come into my office so I can tell them about the band, then spend 15 minutes telling them about how it is authentic to find MP3s from the hypemachine because it is the ‘most authentic form of buzz’ which can be associated with a band.

///Searching 4 my dream job///

Previous Alternative Career Help coverage

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/what-is-the-most-authentic-alt-job.html

////help///
///need 2 grow up & make money, but still stay youthful & authentic //// \\

(Is it acceptable to wear American Appy as Business Casual?)

Part of the Child Predator Never Dies

Carles — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:33:21 +0000

[Photo by the Cobrasnake]

A lot of people ask me ‘Carles… which trends are gonna be around 4ever?’ That’s an incredibly relevant question to most of our existences. We must spend money in order to buy things that represent us, but finding something that will accurately represent our personal brands for more than 1 year is extremely difficult in ‘The Internet Age.’

Child Predator Glasses are one of the most era-transcendent accessories that you can purchase. They have been around for a long time, and they will probably be around for the next 20 years, until doctors start to prescribe Medical Shutter Shades. After the recent ‘EconoCrisis’, we’re all just looking to spend money on things that will last longer, instead of wasting them on Macbooks, consumables, and arts&crafts. Investing in glasses is investing in your health + adding 10 or more years to your alternative social life.

Michael Jordan : Sneakers :: The Lil Hot Chip guy : Child Predator Glasses

[Photo by Jay West Photography]

XX BONUS BAND PERSONAL BRAND RANKINGS XX

The popular Lectro band The Hot Chippers

Just BC I don’t blog about Child Predators N E more doesn’t mean u should let ur guard down

Carles — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 07:11:00 +0000

Be careful, yall. Child Predator glasses have been named by Time Magazine to be ‘the new Shutter Shades.’ Eventually, we won’t be able to tell the difference between alts, child predators, and IcelandicJapaneseBrazilian weirdos.

Keep ur lil alts on leashes.

[Outwithme.com]

Even alt-model diva cover girls are wearing Child Predator Glasses.

XX BONUS AZN GETTING BUSTED ON 2CATCHAPREDATOR XX

What’s ur fave part of “TO CATCH A PREDATOR”?
the host?
when the predators bring presents?
When they read cyber sex chat logs out loud?
When the predators have funnie screen names?
The fake 13 year old slutz?
When u see a 40 year old man’s life get ruined?

BE CAREFUL ALL YALL.

Just BC I don’t blog about Child Predators N E more doesn’t mean u should let ur guard down

Carles — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 07:11:00 +0000

Keep ur lil alts on leashes.

[Outwithme.com]

Even alt-model diva cover girls are wearing Child Predator Glasses.

XX BONUS AZN GETTING BUSTED ON 2CATCHAPREDATOR XX

BE CAREFUL ALL YALL.

What is the name of this style of glasses?

Carles — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 07:30:00 +0000

[Photo by GadeMode]
What’s the deal with this kind of glasses? Are they intended to be post-post-ironically functional glasses for people who actually have poor vision? I’ve seen them on a few Cool Dads, but part of me thinks they make a man look krazier than Child Predator Glasses.

Should they be called “Cool Dad Glasses”? Or like “alt safety goggles”?

This style of glasses combined with intense sideburns can make you look like the kind of person who has murdered some one and destroyed all of the evidence [via wood chipper]. This may or may not be worse than child predator glasses.

But srsly, here’s a picture of Ben Gibbard with the think tank that put Death Cab together when they were all 12 years old with the hopes of establishing the meaningful-core genre.

These dudes:DeathCab :: Lou Pearlman : NSYNC + BSB