HIPSTER RUNOFF

Twas the night before Buzzmas, when all through the blogosphere
Not a buzzband was buzzing, not even a relevant ~9.0 range mindie band.
The mp3s were streaming from the blogspots year end lists,
In hopes that we could save ourselves from the buzz apocalypse.

The alt celebs were tweeting dumb thoughts from their heads,
While visions of chart topping sales vibed in their heads.
An entry level alt in her Coachella-wave tubetop, and I in my Am Appy tee,
Were canoodling in the section commonly referred 2 as VIP

When out on the blogs there arose such a clatter,
I sprang 2 refresh my social media network to see what was the matter.
Away to the Macbook I flew like a flash,
Tore open the automatically shortened links and see whose buzz was getting bashed.

I was happy 2 download a new mp3
Finding a human meme starting more controversy
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a premium BANGIN BOD altbaguette nip slip and with a tight, perfect rear

With an indie hunk frontman, so hot and so mutler
I knew in a moment it must be Win Butler
To my disappointment, he left Regine at home
But gave me her #, and I sexted her pay-as-u-go phone

"Now AnCo! now, Vampy Weeks! now, ArFi and LDR! Skrillex! Pitchforks! NPR!
On, Crystal Castles! On, Neon Indian! on, on Chaz Bundick and Holy Ghost!
To the top of the buzz mountain! to the top of the charts!
Now buzz away! buzz all dayy! Buzz 4evr!"

Buzzmas is a celebration of buzz 4 all of us alts
So thankful for Baby Buzz Jesus 4 forgiving us 4 our buzz faults
Perhaps we should feel the buzz all around
instead of letting the 2k10-2k11 buzz drought keep bringing us down

We have the indie, the mindie, the dubstep, the bleep bloops
The rape gaze, the ▲, and even the James Blake poop
Indie rappers, N***as in Paris, and even Lana Del Rey
Even the buzz music that u think is super ghey

If u think abt it, every day is Buzzmas in the buzzosphere
Each mp3 a new gift, each sponsored event with free #beer
Although it sometimes feels like a tireless quest for authenticity
One day we will reach the most extreme elite backstage all access sidestage section after show after hours afterparty

I’ve been to hell and back searching for the VIP section
Made small talk with the devil, he told me his Year End List honorable mentions
I stopped by the gates of heaven, confirmed my spot on ‘the list’
I am not afraid 2 die, The VIP section of heaven is a partie that can’t be missed

While some might claim that the city is our church
Tonight, we shall let the Buzzmas tree be our church
Sharing our buzz gifts with loved ones, even the mainstreamers
Accepting our extended families, although they are complete lamestreamers

Mother Indie shall guide us in2 2k12
We shall pray 4 her to save us from the 2k11 buzz hell
But 2nite, we celebrate the most special buzz holiday of them all
"Merry Buzzmas to all, and to all a Buzzy Buzz Buzz!"

Every year, my family tries to do something special with out Christmas lights. We'll usually go to Target, Costco, WalMart, and other Christmas specialty popup stores to find the most innovative lighting and lawn sculptures that can make our house the most unique Christmas display in our subdivision. In recent years, I felt like my father had been 'falling off his game.' I took matters into my own hands.

I turned our house into a magical dubstep Christmas light show, to the tune of "First Of The Year (Equinox)" by Skrillex. At first, my parents wondered if we could use a different song, like something off Michael Buble's Christmas album. Then I told him, 'It's what the kids are listening to, dad. It's the dubsteps.'

For the first time in the past 10 years, I felt like I had a reason to be 33 years old and still live at home with my parents. There was a reason that I went to a local 2-year Technical College. This was my time to shine. My time to show my father that I could turn our house into a magical Christmas light show, pushing the boundaries of what Christmas lights could be, without betraying the classic xmas light aesthetic.

I'll never forget the look on my father's face as every movement of lights perfectly matched every womp-womp, wah-wah, and bass drop. Despite complaints from our neighbors for having the song on repeat for every minute of darkness, there was no denying the beauty of our house. Our house lit up the streets, like the Daft Punk pyramid in the center of Coachella. We sipped hot cocoa and basked in the glow of our dubsteppy house.

For the first time in my life, my dad put his hand on my shoulder. I had never felt physical affection from him. He told me, "Son, I'm proud of you. For Christmas, I got us two tickets to go see Skrillex. You and your old man, enjoying the music that brought us together."

Even my little sister got caught up in the spirit of Christmas, but more importantly, the spirit of Dubstep.

'Every time a dubstep mp3 streams, an angel gets his wings.'

Skrillex

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Skrillex is a popular dubstep DJ who is arguably the #1 alt DJ in the world.

Lists: indie hunks, Producers, electro, dubstep

Read more>>>>

Christmas [via haiku(s)]

U humanize me.
We are all family, yall.
Gift cards//white macbooks.

New Am Appy Ads
Best X-Mas Gift Ever, Yall.
Perfect alt breastes.

Carles, plz post a n00d.
h8 young titties in my mouf.
Need alt cougar milf.

[Photo by thecobrasnake]

Got some gift cards, yall.
Felt closer 2 HRO.
Carles s0 gets my life.

Got Kinkos Gift Card
Party promoter future
Tyte Party Fliers

SoMe milkshake bro.
Sharing meaningful bromance.
2 Straws, 1 cup, yall.

My stocking stuffers
The Best Alt Accessories
Personal Branding

Upgrade--finally.
New macbook means a new life.
No more youtube crash.

////////
Meeting high school friends
Showing off the brand new me
They will not 'get' me.

They went to state school.
Horizons are not broadened.
I am self-aware.

//////

Going to visit
my extended family
They still use dial up.

/////
Glad local mall got
a Mac store and Am Appy
Are they mainstream now?

60 year old broad
Employed by Stephen JobsBro
Working at Mac Store

/////
HRO Christmas
is not very meaningful
Remember Thnxgv?

Still h8 family
Will never 'get' my alt life.
Plz serve tofurkey.
////

Thank you mom and dad
Created paypal account
Ordered rare t-shirt

\\\\\

Xmas Wish Came True
Parents Bought me an AZN
Human Trade Market

I started 2 cry
Malnourished AZN in bag
Fed scraps from table

MERRY XMAS FROM THE HIPSTER RUNOFF FAMILY (aka Carles).
<3 yall.
h8 yall.
miss yall.

'Have yall heard of iPods? I heard my nephew/college-aged son of my family friend has one of those thingies. I was shopping at my local Walmart/drug store/grocery store and noticed that they had Apple cards that helped people 2 fill their iPods. This will probably be a good gift to show that I care about their progressive life. I don't want to give them something that they won't use. Every1 needs music.'
-an old person, 2007-2012

Don't yall h8 it when some1 gives you an iTunes gift card? I wish I could explain 'the way that I am' to them, and the way that my music accumulation process works.

• I read blogs that give me free mp3s.
• I do not download albums.
• I do not download mainstreamer albums.
• I am a bro who accumulates music from the hypemachine.
• The iTunes catalog does not have the [indie rarities] that satisfy my needs as a high level music consumer.
• I don't even listen to mp3s. I only listen to audio files in high quality WAV format, or AIFF format.

Just wish I could explain all this to old people who 'don't understand me.' It just makes me sad that they don't understand my personal brand. When they see this dreadlocked unisex silhouette bro, they make a connection to me.

Instead of buying me the Chili's gift card, they opt to buy me the iTunes gift card. They don't realize that I need 2 eat more than I need 2 buy a Coldplay album. Would rather have $10 to buy a lil bit of blow instead of a $25 gift certificate. Maybe they are just looking out 4 me.
s00 many choices. Luv when I have 'flexibility' [via KFC/TacoBell/PizzaHut]

Gift Cards are kinda like 'art' that makes u wonder about the modern concept of 'free will.' Does a gift card truly give u free will, or do gift cards actually limit our freedom to choose.our.own.adventure?

Closing paragraph in picture f0rmat:

iTunes gift cards: A Gift [via ass holes who don't know 'you'/'how ppl get music from the internet']

(This is a post about Kazaa.)

/// b4 I had a Mac Lappy
/// I would leave my meaningful Desktop PC on all day
/// downloading the things that make me "me"

All Santa wanted for Christmas was an Amstel Light and the non-blonde Pu Pu Platter of a$$.

@ Cobrabro

Here's my favourite Christmas song.

[MP3]
Animal Collective Visiting Friends

GOD BLESS AMERICA.

What will be big in 2007?

What city will be the next big city in 2007? Santa Fe, NM
Next big phrase? "Bang it Out"
Next big television network? Lifetime
Next big web-based service? Mobile AMBER Alerts
Next big sports figure? Gilbert Arenas & Vince Young (tie)
Next President of the United States of America? Richard Cheney
Next big gaming system? Game Gear (The Blue Model)
Next big soft drink? RC Cola
Next popular city full of young professionals? (tie) San Diego, CA and Nashville, TN
Next cell phone? WII Mobile
Next social network? eBay Friend! Pages

I encourage every one on the internet to sign up for Wireless AMBER Alerts.
Get AMBER Alerts delivered to you via text message.
Every one needs to know if you are driving next to a Dodge Durango with an abducted child. Do your part to be a true citizen.

Songs:

The Microphones - The Pull
The Microphones are way better than Mount Eerie. This song is deep.

Ryan Adams - This House Is Not For Sale
This is a song about the movie BEETLE JUICE starring Michael Keaton. You might know him as the first Batman (star of Multiplicity). Or maybe you saw WHITE NOISE.

Lisa Lisa (ft. Full Force)- I Wonder If I Take You Home
This is a ballad which fueled the Women's Movement in the 1980s. It also represents the direction of music 2007. Kobe Bryant may or may not have listened to this song before he scored 81 points against the Raptors last season.

Sufjan Stevens - Sister Winter
Sufjan wrote the deepest Christmas song since the Peanuts Christmas music. Many fathers have driven away from their homes during the holiday season, leaving behind their wife and kids, listening to a song with this much substance. Congrats to Sufjan for writing the Best Christmas Song of the past 49 years.