Coachella | Hipster Runoff

Coachella

Anything 4 VIP.

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Some people don't realize
how 'elevated' the VIP experience is
at any concert, show, or relevant VIP alt event

It's more than just 'perks'
Free gear
Free alcohol
Free LUNA/KIND/CLIF bars
Hobknobbing with tons of relevant influencers
Mingling with buzzbands
Networking with sponsors to lineup 'deals' for Q3
Brainstorming new sponsored opportunities

VIP is privilege
A celebration of how hard you have worked to either 'be relevant'
or how hard u worked to fool the world into thinking ur VIP
Even if it means being stuffed in an oversized Jansport backpack
some ppl will risk everything 4 it

I'd do anything for my bros...
Well... almost anything...
I would NEVER sacrifice my own VIP status to take this risk
True friends understand that you are the VIP,
after tons hard work and a series of favors + connections
It is also disrespectful & entry-level to festival organizers to disrespect their sacred zone

Non-VIP friends they are happy to be 'so close' to the bubble of relevancy
There will be chances 2 feel more relevant
But this is clearly a non-VIP move
by entry-level-pseudo VIPs

Will u spend ur entire life 'pretending/scheming 2 be VIP'
or 'earning VIP status'?

If you are a VIP
U understand that VIP-topia it is a place worth protecting
Exclusivity is a way of life, a protective forcefield + wall + moat from the evils of outsiders
The 'VIP pass' is a sacred desert oasis, a precious commune of buzz and ideas
We must not cheapen, abuse, and rape our resources.... Ruining what is ours...

Getting snuck into VIP is similar to an illegal immigrant sneaking into the USA
Pursuing the promise of a 'better life'... a 'more meaningful experience'

but at the end of the day
Even if u sneak in successfully
They will never be an American
and their life will only be marginally better for tiny moments
that last less than 140 characters

It's all about 'the idea' of being VIP/American...
The pursuit of 'the dream'
But what happens if u pursue that dream 'the wrong way'?
Sure u get tons of free booze and get to tweet that u were next to alt famous ppl...
But you still have less than 200 followers on twitter.

The truth is...
Even if ur VIP
u might not even be in VIP
u might be in a 'smokescreen' VIP area that is sponsored for pseudo-VIPs
This sounds like hell 2 me.

V I P
V I P We all want 2 b
V I P the most VIP VIP
V I P

At what price would u become VIP?
Have u ever been 'fake VIP' at an event?
Have u ever 'tricked ur way' into VIP?
Have u ever stuffed urself in a trunk/backpack to sneak 'off campus for lunch' / into a VIP area?
Will music festivals ban 'huge ass Jansports'?
If u were buying a backpack purely for sneaking-in2-places, which 1 would u pick? North Face?
Is 'sneaking into VIP' the new 'fence jumping'?

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

Read more>>>>

The Wizard of Buzz

I attend a relevant music festival to see my favourite buzzband
Standing in the crowd with so many faces
Facing the stage, admiring the band, seeing massive props on the stage
My mental image of a band manifesting itself in front of me
The very first physical experience with the band
as opposed to just a digital experience as I became familiar with the band
feels like a mix of a personal, artistic, + consumer experience

One large X behind the band, symbolizing the brand of the band
unifying the digital brand with the physical brand

Photo by last night's party


Enjoying the show, re-interpreting my perception of the band
Either growing closer 2 the band
or feeling distant from the digital image of the band

I step behind the stage
behind the curtain
of the Wizard of Oz
The Wizard of a Buzz Band

I have 'uncovered the Wizard of Buzz'
The X which was once so absolute and intimidating
is actually just a plywood structure
possibly built in the garage of a local artist who bought the supplies at Home Depot

Behind every great idea is something simple
at the core of every human is a sad, scared individual
behind every brand is a simple idea
Everything feels so fragile

Should we keep the curtain up
not knowing what is behind
so the image stays carefully constructed
or do we pull aside the curtain
exposing the truth
attempting to get vulnerable
get real
get raw

Behind every buzzband are a group of humans
searching 4 the same thing that u r
Maybe at the core of every human is a chill bro
waiting to bro down with a group of authentic bros

Letting go of my digital image of a band
No longer thinking they are 'cool' because they live life on the road, making music
but instead feeling more vulnerable
Like fragile humans playing music for fragile humans in the audience
Scared, seeking acceptance
Seeking a connection with humanity

The Wizard of Buzz
those who construct the image of a band
PR Companies, Managers, Record Labels, Marketing Firms
Trying 2 see thru the buzz
2 find something 'more'--a better reason 4 connecting with a band

Plywood megastructures
Will one day
Be used as firewood

MP3s
will one day
get lost forever when ur hard drive crashes

Buzzbands
will one day
go back to being 'regular people'
(unless they are Coldplay/U2/Radiohead/etc.)

Follow the Buzzy Brick Road. Follow the Buzzy Brick Road.
Follow, follow, follow, follow,
Follow the Buzzy Brick Road.
Follow the Buzzy Brick, Follow the Buzzy Brick,
Follow the Buzzy Brick Road.

We're off to see the BuzzBro, The Wonderful Buzzbro of Buzz.
You'll find he is a Buzz of a Bro! If ever a Bro! there was.
If ever oh ever a Bro! there was The Wizard of Buzz is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the wonderful buzz he buzzes.
We're off to see the BuzzBro. The Wonderful Buzzbro of Buzz

The xx

Buzzband

The xx is a band from the UK that went kinda mainstream in 2k9

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Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

Read more>>>>

The People of Coachella

Sometimes music festivals aren&#39;t about watching live bands play mp3s in a live setting. It is about going outside, being around other human beings congregating with a group of like-minded people who live the same era / society / scene as u /// These are the People of Coachelly as photographed by the cobrasnakes. //////

All photos by thecobrasnake

Coachella seems like it was a really fun family event that you could bring ur kids to Pissed at my daughter for falling asleep, but I couldn&#39;t find a 3 day baby sitter for less than $300 Had to spend $100 on protective ear buds / head phones. Sad I couldn&#39;t borrow them from my bro who loads luggage into planes for Southwest Airlines H8 my dad + mom for tagging along and making sure I stayed alive the whole time. I guess they were right, because I got scared of alt terrorists backpack bombing the venue Wonder if Coachella was a safe place to bring your unborn child? Good place to bring ur family dog, just as long as u clean up the poop &#39;I thought this was the Regional Hot Dog Convention.&#39; My bro got really hyper from eating too many french fries Will next year&#39;s Coachella be in 3d? A lot of films this year went 3d to make more money, so I think music festivals will have to go 3d in order 2 compete Were there more blipsters at Coachella or more Golden ppl? Feel like a lot of people showed up from a forest where they had just killed a bunch of animals to turn into post-ironic clothing Bear hat bro These people killed a few animals I think these people are from Montana, or some sort of conceptual state of existence/America. < Might just wear conceptually matching outfits with my bro. He will wear an ironic Eagle Shirt, and I will wear an ironic Dolphin shirt. Wonder where this girl got her XX shirt Wonder if XX bras were the big trend at Coachella

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

Read more>>>>

Will music festivals still be 'a fun, authentic, alternative experience' in 2k10?

I was just looking at the Coachella festival jpg lineup announcement, and I felt sort of underwhelmed. So many bands that appeal to a lot of different people. It seems like they are going for a sort of 'nostalgic'/'ironic' type of experience this year. Like our chance to re-live the past without leaving behind all of the pleasures of today.

I sorta wonder if 'music festivals' are still going to be authentic/fun/organic/exciting experiences. In the latter stages of the 2k0 decade, we saw music festivals morph into huge corporate events. So many mainstreamers showed up at formerly alternative festivals that by the end of the decade, festival curators were catering to maltstream audiences by booking headliners such as Coldplay, the Kings of Leon, and Jack Johnson Bro.

It seems like music festivals aren't even 'about the music' any more. Bottles of water cost $5. Plastic bottles of beer cost $15. Buying band merch costs 500% more than the unit cost of a blank tshirt. Feels like if I wanted to pay to 'gawk at famous people from afar', I would get tickets to a professional sports team. Really hope that microfestivals begin to pop up. Secret gatherings of young professional alts + 'trustafarians' who are willing to pay top dollar for a unique experience, limiting the amount of entry levs at the music fest.

Wonder if by the end of the decade, we will be dropping off our kids at Hanny Montanny music festivals.

Mind is truly 'blown' by the coachella lineup. Part of me wants to say it 'sucks' and 'all of those bands are old', but another part of me just wants to 'go have fun and listen to some awesome music.'

Which band r u looking forward 2 seeing the most at Coachella 2k10?
Which music festival will u attend in 2k10?
Will u stop going to music festivals this decade because seeing kidz/inauthentic ppl watching the same bands u like can put a bottleneck ur ability to enjoy a band/concert/mp3?


Previous Concert/Show/Festival Coverage

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/06/u-me-and-every-concert-we-attend-how-we-grow-older-with-concerts.html

The Festival Bro

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/i-am-the-festivalbro.html

Who do u see when u go 2 music festivals?

Guess it is music festy season again.

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

Read more>>>>

Converting ur car into an Authentic AltMobile

Should I feel happie that the name of my blog is bigger than other popular bands on this car? Feel like I might be more important than any individual band. Want 2 be a daily part of ur life. Are BLOGS the new BANDS?

Photo via thetaste


I remember when I was a female soccer player, and my team went to the state championship tournament. For the road trip, we covered my friend's mom's van with the name of every1 on our team, and even wrote some 'random' 'inside jokes' that no1 else would 'get.' It was those 'inside jokes' which forged our deepest bonds, and eventually led our team to second place in the state.

Kinda weird how we've all grown up, but still are interested in letting the world know what we're all about. Need to write the names of my favourite bands, blogs, and the propositions which I support on my car. Not sure if 'bumper stickers' are still authentic. Just want some thing 'louder' that doesn't bring down the value of my car. Might get my last name in Old English on the back of my car [via Mexicans].

Miss the days when I used to write my favourite band names + brand names on my black Jansport backpack. Shoulda paid more attention in class. Regrets. I now carry that same backpack 2 my community college.

I just want to go to a music festival
And let the world know that I am down with almost every relevant band
and chill and 'be myself'
and let the world know that 'myself' is pretty chill/always down to DL a free mp3

Does n e 1 wanna go on a meaningful roadtrip with me? [via carchalk decorated SUV]

Which video is more ‘representative’ of the Coachella experience?

Went to coachella. Wrote down all the bands that I saw play, then came home and made this image in photoshop. The bands that are more 'relevant' are in big text.

Feeling sad that the festival is over. I really feel like I can 'be myself' at places that seem like an AltUtopia.

Had a lot of fun at coachelly. Met some new bros, heard some new buzzbands (The Killers, Peter Bjorn and John, The My Bleeding Valentines, etc.). Twittered a lot about how I was feeling (hot, cold, dehydrated, headaches, hungry, happy) and what just happened (heard a song I liked, tall person in front of me, band being 'late' to the stage, band 'sucking', some1 'doing something stupid', etc.).

Glad that my bros and I can all twitter and experience life 2 gether.

N e ways, watched a few 'vimeos' Aka 'the alt youtube.' Saw some videos of coachella, and I'm not sure which 1 was more representative of 'THE COACHELLA EXPERIENCE.'


Video 1: A chill ass party with bloghouse DJs, alt celebs, altbros finding themselves, and that 1 song about '1 day we're gonna live in Paris' in the background.

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This video makes coachella seem like a chill ass time. Doesn't even seem like u need to go to the festival, u just need 2 be 1 of many bros who 'goes to a party' at a local upscale hotel/resort, and just stands there 'looking relevant.' There are also a lot of 'bad ass product placement shots.' Think that brands are supposed to have 'strong presences' at alternative events, and then 'get blogged about.' Hotties in bikinis. Keut Am Appy swim suits. Palm Trees. Ppl in sunglasses. Seems like this video might be what 'being young, free, and chilling in the general vicinity of a music festival' might be all about.

Video 2: Some bro with a lil peen getting tazed by Cops

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This video probably represents 'rebelling' against the modern music festival. It sux how every aspect of festivals have a sponsor. I'm tired of seeing my favourite band play on AT&T Wireless Stage/Chili's Stage [ via stage sponsorships ]. Tired of pissing in port-o-potties that are sponsored. Feel sad for the bro with a lil peen. Think he just wants to chill, do some salvia/acid, and watch M.I.A. and Paul McCartney perform live. I think that people got to walk around with their peens out at Woodstock. I think that festivals are supposed to be 'a safe place for tweens' since they are the people who 'purchase a $200 ticket for their birthday'/'getting good grades on their report card' [via parental reward].

Guess there's no place in the world for old men with lil peens. But it also might be viral marketing. Just can't be too sure these days. Honestly, I really posted this post just 2 ask 'how big do u think that bro's peen is when it is 100% ERECT?'

Wonder if Woodstock was even 'that chill.'
Wish there was a way to find out what the most authentic music festival experience of all time was, then start a business where we created a 'time machine', and sold tickets to attend this music festival for $300-500.

Are yall going 2 any music fests this summer? Looking forward 2 anything?
Sad that this is my last year in high school... nervous.

COACHELLA OR BUST!!!

Photo via EatSkeet


[via my mom's mini van]

Not sure if this drummer is dead or alive [via altZombies]

Photo via Stereogum


Do yall think that we will be able 2 come back from the grave and get the opportunity 2 play in a highly bloggable buzz band? Feel like maybe 'heaven' might be getting the opportunity to be in a 'relevant band' for 1-5 years, then getting a job as a bartender/at a burrito shop after no1 comes 2 ur concerts n e more.

Can't believe some people 'make music' for a living.
I don't know what I want 2 do for a living. Feel like I am 'good at a lot o things', but I might be spreading myself too thin. I hope I find a passion when I go away 2 school next August... 'sigh.'

Worried about dying and there being 'nothing.' Starting to 'feel mortal.' Think I am no longer a tween any more. Time 2 grow up.

Still feel like Coachella should have 'given this bro medical attention.' Don't think it was fair 2 have him bleeding on every1 just to 'look hardcore.' h8 when bands 'aren't about image' but are 'about some anti-image image.' Wonder if that girl is 'scared of his blood giving her AIDS/heppy-tyte-bro.' Wonder if she feels like she 'just saw her uncle get out of the shower.'

Just think that healthcare should be free.
sort of wish that Alice Glass / Uffie / Feist / Jewel would slit her wrists on stage and bleed on to my face. Feel like that would be a 'unique concert experience.' Would probs blog about it/post that I 'got bled on' to my facebook/twitter

Ali Koehler

Alternative Celebrity

A female fuzzy buzzy drummer who left the Vivian Girls 2 get more famous in Best Coast.

Read more>>>>

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

Read more>>>>

Does n e 1 know where this picture was taken?

Yall. Saw this picture. Does n e 1 know where they took it?

a) a meaningful music festival
b) a Paul McCartney concert
c) on the set of American History X
d) at an authentic punk show during the 80s in the greater New York Area
e) Dan Deacon documentary/biopic 'fight scene'
f) Some sort of altbro tribunal lynching
g) a violent SXSW partie
h) a 311 concert
i) on the set of The Wrestler [via Mickey Rourke]
j) from the movie IN TO THE WILD, YALL
k) some sort of 'bear' convention
l) something about the hipster grifter
m) an answer about 'memes'
n) Pitchfork Music Festival
o) at some sort of clinic where people 'donate blood' and/or 'plasma' to get money
p) at a 'Mixed Martial Arts' event that people 'think are bad ass' these days
q) Choose.Your.Own.Response

ugh.. h8 violence & graphic images.
HRO: SFW IN 2K13

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ANOTHER SIRIUS SATELLITE RADIO SHOW 4-20-2009

The HIPSTER RUNOFF radio show airs Mondays at noon and again at midnight EST on Sirius XMU. Iff you’re an XM subscriber, you can listen to Blog Radio on channel 43, and Sirius subscribers can still find us on channel 26. If u really want 2 hear Carles Show, u can get a 3 day trial membership.

U can always listen 2 my podcasts if ur poor.

Playlist After the Jump

Monitoring Emerging Trends: Socks with Sandals [via Chloe Sevigny]

Photo via JustJared


Yall. I was at Coachella this weekend, and I got to see some of my favourite kewl celebs who are 'into music' and know how to 'not wear makeup so that no1 recognizes them.' It must be interesting and fun to be a celebrity. U kinda just wanna chill out in public and have people look @u and recognize u and want 2 be u but u also 'want people 2 leave u alone' so that u can experience the same stuff that 'normal people' do, like music festivals and wearing ur chillest sun wardrobe.

Saw popular 'indie movie starlet' Chloe Sevigny at Coachellers. She was wearing sandals, but she had on white socks underneath. I think it's the thing where some1 who is a 'trendsetter' does something that is a 'fashion sin' and 'make it seem kinda kewl.' Not sure if this means I have to buy sandals and socks to wear underneath them. Might just be a trend for entrylevel tween females with lookbooks.

Apparently sandals are really bad for your hygiene, and usually don't even provide u with proper support. Should probably buy some 'shoes for old people' or something.

Does n e 1 know if Chloe Sevigny is still authentic? Kinda hope she does some more romantic comedies and 'goes into the mainstream' but I'm not sure if mainstream girls would 'want to look like her' or if mainstream bros would 'think she is hella hot, yo.'

sorta wish this was a blog post about Sandra Bullock in her prime. (miss u Keanu)

'don't stop this bus' -the movie SPEED

XX BONUS CLUELESS ALT MEME XX

Yall I feel Clueless
walking around coachy
barefoot
hope I don't get a disease
I think that's actually how
kids in Africa transmit a lot of diseases

Does n e 1 else miss when images of consumerism and rich white people were 'simple.'

Miss when we didn't have to 'resent white ppl' s0 hard.

Chloe Sevigny

Alternative Celebrity, Alternative Entrepreneur

Chloe Sevigny is an alternative actress and model. She is famous for 'being alt hot' and giving Vincent Gallo a BJ on camera.

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M.I.A.: Will she be getting her contract with Marc Jacobs renewed?


Grids made out of electric tape: Big in 2k9? Does her eyemakeup consist of the bling diamonds that people with personality disorders put on their pay-as-you-go cell phones?

Do you think Marc Jacobs designed that outfit? Or can we assume that it's a preview of M.I.A.'s upcoming fashion line that will be released exclusively at Hot Topic?

M.I.A.: Fashion Forward?

[Picture by Shadowscene]

M.I.A.

Buzzband, Alternative Celebrity

M.I.A. is known for thinking that the American government is out 2 get her.

Read more>>>>

Coachella Quizzin'


1. How many meaningful tugjobs were administered in this trailer by Postal Service fans?
a) 0
b) less than 5
c) between 5 and 10
d) more than 10
e) more than 500


2. How many tugjobs were administered to Philadelphia-based DJs inside of this trailer?
a) 0
b) less than 5
c) between 5 and 10
d) more than 10
e) more than 500


3. What are the odds that HIPSTER RUNOFF will make a beastiality joke about this picture?
a) Very Unlikely
b) Unlikely
c) not sure
d) Likely
e) Very Unlikely
f) P0ST M0RE BEASTIALITY


4. M.I.A.
A) HOT
B) NOT


5) If I got a carving in my hair, it would say:
a) HYPE
b) P.Y.T.
c) BNGR
d) [HIGHLY RECCD]
e) Blog
f) He Hate Me


6. If I saw Johnny Depp at a music festival, I would tell him,
a) "Dude. I cried at the end of Blow."
b) Make a joke about WAYNESTOCK.
c) Ask him if he ever railed Liv Tyler or Alicia Silverstone
d) Give him a lil tug
e) ask if you could purchase some of his treasure-based accessories from him


7. If I ran into this group of spectators at Coachella, I would
a) ask them for directions to a Dippin Dots stand
b) ask them if they knew were I could get some LSD
c) get out my alternative celebrity autograph book
d) ask how much it would cost to be involved in the orgy they are having later that night.


8. If these girls were your daughters, you would
a) be proud of them for discovering their alternative personalities
b) ask them to do a better job with their monthly fashion budget.
c) Encourage them to join a sorority
d) send their picture to HIPSTERRUNOFF because you think they might be the female equivalent of alternative bros
e) try convincing them that you are in the Ed Banger crew, and tell them you have an album coming out in late 2008

[More Coachella Coverage at Mark Hunter Photography]

Standing in the front at concert increases your chance of having a meaningful experience by 44%


People who take the time and effort to make sure that they are standing at the very front of a concert, particularly in the festival setting, have the average education of a _th grader.

I love being close to my favourite alternative celebrities, and getting to interact with them in person. It's like they step out of the screen of my MacBook, and on to the stage to perform my favourite songs for me and my closest friends.

R U SMARTER THAN A _TH GRADER?

[Photo by The Cobrasnake]

Kid Sister: Hotter than Hillary Banks?



[Photos by Dave Bullock/Wired]

Kid Sister looked pretty cute at Coachella. Way better than how she looked in Milwaukee. Do u think she recently got a gift card to Claire's to buy some accessories?

Is Coachella a crowd worth dressing up for? Do u think she only dresses up when there are more than 10,000 party photographers in attendance?

10 signs U r Going 2 Coachella

Let's face it--every1 wants to go 2 Coachella [weekend 1-3]. If you aren't there, you might as well not exist. Let's face it--here's 10 reasons u might be at Coachella or on the way there or maybe are somewhere around #coachelly


1. You took 4 days off from your job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car
Let's face it--we're all trying to hold down a job in this rough economy. Sometimes, Enterprise RentaCar is the only place that will honor the value of a college degree. They give you the tools to become your own boss by giving amazing customer service and quality automobile rentals. But you give that up by telling your boss you are headed out of town for a few days. You deserve it!


2. You went to buy snacks
Let's face it--people get hungry. They want snacks because they are hungry, but don't want to eat a meal. At the end of the day, you don't want to go to bed full. Sometimes you need a snack, such as a candy bar, bag of chips, or a 'smart snack.' Let's face it--snacks are good.


3. You are passing by a windmill/turbine
There's nothing more beautiful than driving thru the terrain of California. Mountains, beach, desert, grasslands, great plains, pampas, tundra-- you name it. it's in California. IF you are driving by a windmill, you MIGHT be in California, a place that is truly #green and helping to save the environment. Let's face it--we've made Mother Earth our bitch.


4. You went 'festival shopping'
Let's face it-- you can't just show up to a festival looking like you are going to your high school sweetheart's house just to get fingerbanged. You need to step your fucking game up if you want to get fingerbanged in the crowd while getting your photo taken by a regional Fashion Tumblr. At the end of the day, this requires new clothes, and let's face it--clothes are just rags that cover your body so that people want to have sex with you and think that you are rich. Fitting in at Coachella is everything, and if you are dressed like a shithead, there is no way that you can maximize your investment and get a ROI that meets your bottomline. Maybe it's time to think about a strategic hedge.


5. You are eatin an In-Ant-Outs Burgers
Not all hamburgers are created equally. Let's face it, the InsAndOut burger is simply AMAZING. Let's face it--meat between two buns is nothing new. But when it is made with the love of an InOut employee, it can truly be magical. It taste just like the way mom used to make it, and at the end of the day, we're all trying to get back to childhood.


6. You are carry a flag of Sudan
Let's face it--it's gonna be hard 2 have fun since the death of Michael Horowitz. He passed away at the Indie Band's show. At the end of the day, maybe we can remember him by bringing a Sudanese flag with his image on it. It's what Michael would have wanted. In a way, bringing Michael's face to Coachella is a way to help Michael AND the Sudan help to watch Coachella bands playing.


7. You have a wristband.
Let's face it, a Coachella wristband is the ultimate status symbol. If you have one, it can be even nicer than the latest Mary Kay or Avon jewelry. At the end of the day, we all want #status, so if you are one who cares about material things, letting every one know thaty ou are going to Coachella can change the way people think about you.


8. You went to Costco to buy lots of 5 Hour Energy.
Let's face it--in today's 24 hour social media obsessed with 'being there for the trend' society, you have to always be awake. If you are sleeping, you might be missing something, and if you miss something, you might as well not be alive. At the end of the day, we're all trying to find energy in the quantity of 5 hours, but we don't want that crash. 5 Hour Energy gives you energy for 5 hours, and then you can take a nap if you choose. That's what life is all about, and what you need when you are at the Coachellas.

I am depressed that there will be no holograms at Coachella 2013.


I remember last year
Every1 was buzzing abt 2pac still being alive
[via hologram]
[via the Coachella]

Now I see the 2k13 lineup
Sure, there's plenty of relevant buzzbands
playing live tunes in the picturesque city of Indio, CA

But unfortunately
There will be no 3d holograms

There will be no dead ppl
No1 will be brought back 2 life.
There will be no resurrections
Easter is on March 31, so I guess Jesus will be the only BROUGHT BACK 2 LIFE bro
vibing back 2 life again this year

That's the only reason I go 2 concerts n e ways
2 be part of an #EXCLUSIVE experience
That I can non-humble brag abt on @Twitter
I was hoping for some John Lennon
Notorious BIG
Kurt Cobain Hologram

Now I have 2 settle for 'IRL Ben Gibbard'
'IRL Ezra Koenig'
'IRL The Lumineers.'

I was hoping the annual Coachella Hologram would revolutionize the live music industry
Ending the days of 'seeing real bands in realtime'
but instead seeing chill ass holograms
#OnDemand

R u 'pumped' 4 Coachella?
Does it feature all of the noteworthy indie buzzbands of 2k12-k13?
R u happie the Postal Service finally reunited?
Should Ben Gibbard have stayed in the Postal Service the whole time?
R u going 2 Coachella?
R u going 2 weekend 3?

PREVIOUSLY
Coachella releases 2013 Hologram Lineup

RUMOR: Coachella will be cancelled on Tuesday at 6 PM PDT


Coachella just posted this picture.

No one knows what it means, so if I had to guess, Coachella will be cancelled bc they were tired of lamestreamers invading the festival every year.

Others claim that Coachella is moving to the Midwest to obtain lower land prices and dumb local governments that are willing to be abused.

Others claim that Coachella will be moved to a cruise ship to avoid land fees and municipal taxes.

Some claim that Coachella will announce a third weekend.

Others claim that Coachella will add 15 weekends, and even a weekday weekend on Tues-Thurs sometime in December.

Some say that Coachella will expand to South America to expand into the Chilean hipster markets (better known as CHipsters.)

Others say that Coachella is renaming itself 'Kewlfest 2k69.'

Some claim that Coachella has been acquired by LiveNation and tickets will be in excess of $1500 each.

Unconfirmed sources say that a strategic partnership was formed with a tequila company to sponsor the VIP area.

So many rumors flying around.

Who even knows what is happening?

R u worried abt #Coachelly?
Do u know what is happening 2 Coachella on Tuesday at 6 PM PDT?
R u worried that it is going 2 be cancelled?
What Coachella Rumor did u hear?

R u going 2 Coachella nxt year?
Which weekend? O kewl.

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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Coachella Weekend 7 Recap


Memorial Day Weekend was pretty good, I guess. Decided to drive down to Coachella [Weekend 6]. Time flies from weekend to weekend, but it feels like the only thing I truly have to look forward to in life is Coachella.

Anyways, couldn't really find any one around.

Sorta sucked.

Went to Olive Garden. Had to decide what to eat. Waitress was kinda being a bitch. You know, when they make it feel like you are taking up their section? Sorta like that. Maybe because I was a lone bro sitting at a four person table.

Wanted some chicken parmesan, or maybe 'The Tour of Italy' that features pasta, lasagna, and chicken parmesan, but it was really hot outside and I get super sick if I am full and the temperature is over 91 degrees.

Decided to go with unlimited salad and breadsticks. Waitress looked at me all pissed off. I was like 'cmon. I am NOT gonna sit here all day eating these greens and breadsticks. Just let me have this moment to myself.' She was mean. I don't understand why she was a waitress if she was just going to be angry at customers.

Didn't see any buzzbands, but got a few rounds of fresh breadsticks. Salad had olives. Personally, not a big fan.

All in all, the weekend was a bust, and I'm never going back to Olive Garden again.

PREVIOUSLy
Coachella Weekend 4 Recap

Coachella Weekend 5 Recap [source: HIPSTER RUNOFF]

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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I went to Coachella Weekend 5 [COMPLETE RECAP]


I keep going to Coachella. I'm not sure why. I've already been Weekend 3 AND Weekend 4. There wasn't a festival. I didn't even get out of the car. I ended up going to a local Wendy's. Have you ever been there?

It turns out they started serving breakfast. Things have changed a lot since Dave Thomas passed away. I'm not sure if he ever tasted the vanilla Frosty, but I'm sure it made him roll over in his grave. Anyways, breakfast wasn't that good. I am just not really into ciabatta bread, especially when it is offered as some sort of 'high end' bread 4 lamestreamers. My hashbrowns were cold. My eggs were too fake and my bacon might have been fake, too. Maybe I should have ordered a breakfast burrito, but I feel weird getting 'Mexican' food at American fast food restaurants. It's basically just the same food crammed into a lukewarm flour tortilla that tastes like paper.

I probably should have gone to a diner or a local place with premium choices. Maybe order an egg white omelet with fresh vegetables and a sensible meat portion. Avoid fried potatoes, maybe enjoy a small cup of oatmeal. One time I got oatmeal at McDonalds and it was terrible. Watery, undercooked oats in a cup of hot water.

I didn't see any bands, celebrities, or anything interesting. I ended up killing some time at Target and bought some socks. They were 3 for $12. I thought it was a good deal. I hope the elastic doesn't wear out.

Ugh.

PREVIOUSLY
Coachella Weekend 3 recap


coachella weekend 4 recap

Coachella Weekend 4 Recap


Where am I? There are people playing polo. Up until this point, I thought 'Polo' was just a brand for frat bro d-bags to wear so that they'd look 'rich', even though they are basically wearing an Old Navy polo with some lil horsey centaur guy on it. I guess that's cool.

People on horses. I don't really vibe to horses, though. If I wanted to see a sporting event, I would have gone to the Super Bowl. I was hoping to see buzzbands at Coachella Weekend 4, but I guess it's sorta similar to Coachella Weekend 3. No buzzbands anywhere. No babes in hot clothes. Just rich people playing polo, as if they live in Great Britain or something.

It got hot, so I went to a local Sonic: America's Drive In to have a Diet Cherry-Limeade. It tasted pretty sweet, so I was confident that it was not 'Diet.' Ass holes. They also brought me fried jalapeno poppers instead of what I ACTUALLY ordered: monzy sticks and chicken poppers. What can I say? I'm just a sucker for chicken in popcorn format.

Truthfully, the jalapeno poppers were deece. Not the best I've had--but deece for a fast food restaurant. Some scalding cream cheese burned my mouth. I felt sad that I was not watching buzzbands. I sold so much plasma to pay for gas money to get to Indio, California.

Should I even bother going to Coachella Weekend 5?

Bummed vibes. Super bummed.

PREVIOUSLY
COMPLETE COACHELLA WEEKEND 3 RECAP

I went to Coachella Weekend 3 [COMPLETE RECAP]


Hello?

Where are all the buzzbands? Where are all the hot girls wearing festival slutwave clothes?

Coachella Weekend 3? R u there?

I checked the website. I thought I had the dates right. They said they were having it more than one weekend this year.

All I see are a bunch of sprinklers and rich yuppies playing polo, similar to the Polo by Ralph Lauren logo.

There aren't any young people in the surrounding cities. Is this some sort of retirement community?

Hello? Buzzbands? Is there a secret entrance?

Is this the hologram weekend?

The polo grounds were nice, though. It reminded me of when I was young and used to attend soccer tournaments.

I met a groundskeeper named Manuel. He was nice, and made several restaurant recommendations, but I didn't really trust him because one of his suggestions was The Olive Garden.

Manuel assured me that there was no music festival and that it was likely I purchased my tickets thru a Nigerian festival scam. I showed him my paperwork that had a barcode to pick up my tickets from will call, and he said he had to get back to work.

I complimented him on the condition of the polo fields.

R u there Coachella Weekend 3?

Hello?

Help.

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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NSFW: Alt pornstar April O'Neil shows off her breasts at Coachella


April O’Neil is known as one of the alt-est porn stars. While Andy San Dimas has a rapegaze edge, O'Neil is known as having the 'geeky dork' brand. Both share a passion for the EDM and rave scene, particularly since they reside in Southern California. Recently at HARDFEST, O'Neil was spotted showing off her unique breasts. The two were spotted at Electric Daisy Carnival showing off their perfect alternative breasts. So, so perfect.

Now it's time to see what April O'Neil's breasts look like at Coachella!
april o'neil coachella
God Bless Her.

Just hangin with the gals!

Kewl. U met Daft Punk, bb?

Hit me up April, bb! I'll get u the VIP access that u deserve based on ur alt pornstar status. It should be you getting blogged about, not Paris Hilton! Ur willing to show off ur AMAZING cha-chis! If those breasteses don't deserve VIP, then I don't know what does....

Do u want more Alt Porn star coverage?
R u on #TeamAndy or #TeamApril?

Do u <3 the EDM porn darlings?
Did u see her at Coachella?

Girl Talk sits in front of his Coachella trailer, reflecting on his once relevant past


Hey. It's me. Gregg. Gregg Gillis.

You probably know me as Girl Talk. Oh yeah? You recognized my Pittsburgh Pirates hat, did you? The team's got a good chance of making some noise in the NL-East this year, but enough about baseball.

I see you staring at me. Like I'm some old, irrelevant laptop DJ. Get it out of your system. I know what I've done, where I am, what the state of the scene is. I'm not stupid. I used to be a friggin engineer, goddammit. But I escaped from that mainstream life. Look at you. You're still trapped.

A few years ago, you woulda been BEGGING to stand behind the folding table upon which I placed my laptop, pumping out mad jams. But now, you are one of those people getting trampled at a Skrillex show. Or one of those losers listening to chillwave bleep bloop Bon Iver blahblahblah. I get it. Things change. But you need to learn some GODDAMNED respect.

Dude. I frigging made mashups mainstream, man. I was ON TOP of fucking genre bending before you were wiping your ass. Why don't you fetch me a cold beer, son?

Now, I play mad gigs around the world, tricking colleges into throwing me five figures for pressing a button on my shitty Windows laptop. It's a good life. Do I make as much as Deadmau5, booking residencies in Vegas and Dubai? No. But I could. I probably just need to change booking agents or something. But hell, I make more money than I did in my 'prime', man. And I don't even have to release one of my bullshit free albums any more.

At one time, I wanted critical praise.

But at the same time, do you know how much premium college sorority pussie I've banged? I'm talking TIGHT friggin bodies, threesomes, foursomes. Group sex. Xtreme Bondage. Feeding. Horsey play. ANYTHING. They'll do it. Because I am the party, and the party don't stop til I say it's over.

Say what you will about laptop DJs, but the kids are still coming out to the show, and the ladies are still coming to the afterparty, and by the afterparty, I mean that I have sex with them after the show. HEYO! GILLISSED!

I'll have my time again. Just you wait and see. But in the meantime, login to my Chase account, and tell me how much money I'm sitting on.

Game Over.

-GIRL TALK

Girl Talk

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Girl Talk is a laptop DJ who got big in the bloghouse era but really just produces generic, well-branded mix tapes.

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Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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NSFW: Watch some topless broad get severely injured in a Coachella Slip N Slide accident

</embed>

In this video, some broads try to show off that they can ride an Xtreme Slip-N-Slide to 'cool off' at a Coachella pool party. However, things turn fatal as this was ultimately a stupid idea. The internet can rejoice, because the second broad decided to take off her top to minimize drag and resistance against the tarp. U see her breasts flop in the air as she flips into a dangerous kiddie pool.

For some reason, there is a sense of delight in the crowd as the first woman totally 'eats shit' and misses the dumb kiddie pools. No1 was fatally injured...but maybe they should have been [via dumb ideas]?
coachella slipnslide topless
At least we have a solid festival meme.

Do u <3 this bb?
Do u think this even happened at Coachella, or just somewhere random with palm trees?
Was this an EPIC FAIL?
Do u <3 topless festival BBs?

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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The hot BB in M83 shows off her BANGIN BOD at Coachella

Photos via Brooklyn Vegan

M83 is the project of a French guy with the same name as a Mexican from your high school who routinely got In School Suspension (Anthony Gonzalez). However, he isn't the only person in the touring band. It features the live energy of a KEUT BB named Morgan Kibby. She was THE TALK of Coachella, with her risque dress. Her curves our POURING out of her dress, and it was hard to look away from the jumbotrons when you could miss a glance at Morgan Kibby's BANGIN bod.

Do u feel urself vibing 2 her vibe?

Does every band need at least 1 girl who is keut/has a BANGIN BOD?

In addition, M83 also brought out this weird looking thing. Not sure if they do that at every show, or if it is some sort of hazing/prank that they force some one in their crew to do.

Not a very chill vibe, but I guess French people get away with that type of weird shit on the reg.

Do u <3 the M83 bb?
Should she go solo and form a bleepy bloop emotional band?
Do u vibe 2 her BANGIN BOD?
Do u think it is 'effed' that AnthGonzo had Zola Jesus sing on 'Intro' when he had a girl of his own to utilize?

XX BONUS M83 playing Coachella in 2005, before they pandered to mainstream audiences XX

Did M83 make all the right branding moves, or are they 'less authentic' [via their last 2 album cycles]?

Morgan Kibby

Morgan Kibby is the 'backup' synth player and singer in M83

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M83

M83 is a French is a post-shoegaze, pre-dreamwave buzzband.

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DJ Frodo (Elijah Wood) is Back! And CRUSHING the turntables at a Coachella pool partie!

dj frodo elijah wood
Yo!
Frodo!
Whaddup boss!
U ever get that ring to Mordor?

I'll bet u spun a SICK dj set
with the dude from Rudy
after yall saved the world
because u were strong enough 2 carry the ring.

So u deserve to have a FUN Coachella
in the sun
hitting on tons of BBs
being all like 'I'm a rich and famous actor'

There is no1 quite like u, Elijah
Ur a child actor who used ur powers FOR GOOD
instead of going on benders, getting DUIs, going to rehab
U channeled ur energies into becoming

A sponsored events DJ

U get to experience all the positives of the partie lifestyle
Without all the negatives
good job by you, Elijah!
DJ Frodo 4evr!

Is DJ Frodo ur fave DJ?
Should I pick up some DJ Frodo merch from the merch table?

Is Elijah Wood 'getting rich' off DJ appearances?
Do u prefer him in 'The Good Son'?
Could Macaulay Culkin demand more money in the lucrative 'famous people DJing for no good reason' market?

Should Coachella just go ahead and book DJ Frodo [via hologram] for the year 3023?

DJ Elijah Wood

Actor, DJ

Elijah Wood is an actor turned DJ. Commonly referred to as 'DJ Frodo.'

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Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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Read the dumbest article ever about Donald Glover KILLING IT at Coachella Weekend 2.


At Coachella Weekend 1, Donald Glover's rap project entitled Childish Gambino totally tanked. Of course, I am biased and prone to say that everything tanks. In reality, DGlove really has a great gimmick going on where he tricks white people who like watching NBC comedies into thinking that he is a 'real rapper.' It's sorta like high school talent show level talent on a larger scale. I guess u have to give him props, bc he can probably have any white woman he wants because of it.

PREVIOUSLY: DONALD GLOVER TANKED AT COACHY

Anyways, I was doing some Google research abt his set during weekend 2, and I stumbled across a fine piece of music journalism by the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin. It tells the tale of how Gambino CRUSHED IT at Coachella.

The article first gets the reader emotionally involved. This was not just a performance. It was a battle. For hip hop respect.

INDIO - Childish Gambino came to the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival to earn hip-hop respect and judging from the audience's applause he earned it.

WAIT! Isn't he the guy from TV??!?

Gambino's real name is Donald Glover, perhaps most recognized as community college student Troy Barnes on the NBC comedy "Community." But he didn't tell any jokes during his set on the main Coachella stage Saturday afternoon.

No jokes during his set? Aw, shucks!

So he did real things on stage, like singing over music and rapping words? He earned MAD RESPECT from the hip hop community!

His first song, "Fire Fly," featured the lyric about how he plays a comedian but he's a real hip-hop artist. "... But everybody thought it was jokes though they half right/the joke is I got flow so don't act like ..."

Other songs included "Difference" from his mixtape "Cul-de-sac," freestyles over a variety of instruments including Tyga's "Rack City," "Heartbeat," and "You See Me."

How do we know he earned hip hop respect? Because people were there. Lots of them. More people than other bands.

The audience easily numbered somewhere in the thousands by the end of his set, which was far more people than some of the acts who performed ahead of him like the Kaiser Chiefs.

Here is crappy footage of college bros getting a frat boy 'I have a black friend' hard on for Childish Gambino.

</embed>

The End. This has been the tale of Donald Glover earning HIP HOP RESPECT at Coachella Weekend 2.

Did Don Glove earn hip hop respect?
Did he save hip hop with Coachella?
Did he save the world and its problems?
Did u do some hologram shit?
What would Danny Glover have to do to earn hip hop respect?

Do u feel 'dumber' after reading that article?

Donald Glover

Alternative Celebrity

Donald Glover is an alt comedian who is trying to 'make it as a buzzband' under the name Childish Gambino.

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Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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The dude who played McLovin goes to Coachella to fondle white women, gets his grab on


When it's all said and done, Superbad will be considered one of the most overrated comedies of all time. It featured some of the most overrated OverGrownChild actors of our time: Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse. They are all just funny looking dudes who are all probably 35 years old, but have Andy Milonakis disease, or something. The movie wasn't really funny, and it wasn't even a good 'coming of age' film, it was just in the overrated Apatow produced bubble, which still hasn't burst for some reason.

It seems like the 'dude who played McLovin' went to Coachella, and he is grabbing all the ass he can, especially since every1 will only ever know him as McLovin. U gotta feel bad for him, but at the same time, u can't help but take delight in his face, since it looks like it is the first slutty, premium pussie that he has ever banged.

i have heard that his dude has some shitty band, just like Michael Cera and that one band, except people care more about Cera for some reason even though they are basically the same person.

McLovin! Crushin it! Grabbin some white women a$$! U can't knock a bro 4 gettin his grab on.

Do u h8 SUPERBAD?
Was it overrated?
Will McLovin ever NOT be McLovin?
Is his career effed?
Should he grab all the white women ass he can?
Do u know if 'Coachella prostitutes/escorts' exist?

Eff 1, Kill 1, Marry 1: McLovin bro, Jonah Hill, and Michael Cera.

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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Former 'Clueless' it girl Alicia Silverstone drags her toddler to Coachella, serves as human PSA


Remember Alicia Silverstone? She played the main 'cunty, rich character in Clueless' who didn't understand poor people and only cared about materialistic things, but sometimes 'wanted more' but at the same time just wanted a hot BF, cool new clothes, and other shit that her rich dad could buy her. Some how, she became this 'it girl muse' and every1 would say that they were inspired by 1990s Clueless. Girls usually say that their fashion inspiration is Clueless or Stevie Nicks. So boring/uninspired.

Well, fortunately Alicia Silverstone went to Coachella. She brought her child. I think this is supposed to be a 'Public Service Announcement', like 'I know u think I'm this cartoon character, but I'm really just like any other woman who wants to have a child.'

I guess she is one of those bad parents who brings their toddler/young child to a music festival to have their ears blown out.

I guess she is no longer an internet feminist muse. Instead of holding shopping bags, she now holds a child and probs had to breastfeed it, etc.

R u sad abt her new brand?
IS she no longer 'inspiring'?
Should she be reported 2 child protective services for taking her child 2 Coachella?
Do u think she did #molly?
Who random nostalgic female icon r u 'inspired' by?

PREVIOUSLY

Should I murder Stevie Nicks, and wear her as a skin suit to Coachella 2 fulfill my inner it-girl?

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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Joe Jonas shows off his hot SHIRTLESS twink bod at Coachella

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!


OMG! I TOTESALLY have to go to Coachella next year! Joe JOnas is SUCH a hottie hunk! Ur brothers are just lame Christians, but ur EXPLORING urself, ur BANGIN BOD, and DANCE MUSIC!

OMG! Look at his twink BFFs! They look like a real fun crew. I used to have a pack of gays that I hung out with, but then they got ashamed of me because I brought food truck food into their fave gay bar and we got kicked out of the VIP bottle service area. What can I say? I was hungry for the best pork tacos in town!

If I wanna go to Coachy, I'll prob have 2 go on the Coachella Diet though. As of now, I'm still wearing tons of big, baggy clothes. I can't have a FIRM body like Joe Jonas. He prob has a personal trainer. I could use one of those because it is just hard to stay motivated sometimes. :-( #lazy

OMG Joe! Let's hang out soon! I wanna pump some iron with u! I hear muscle burns the most fat! We are DEFANETLY hitting #COACHELLA next year! #2k13

Nick who? Kevin who? #TeamJoeJonas

Coachella

Company

Coachella is a music festival held in Southern California that turns into a gathering of the world's most relevant buzzbands, artists, designers, celebrities, and internet personalities.

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Alice Glass nips out at Coachella, shows off her BANGIN BOD

Photo via Spin


Oh Alice BB...
U KILLED IT at Coachella
The truth is
I see u everywhere these days

Yesterday, I was warming up a tortilla to make a meaningful burrito
and I saw ur image in the tortilla
I washed my car
and ur face emerged in the soapy suds that gathered on my car.

I can't hide from u
Even the Taco Bell employee
Who stuffed my Doritos Taco Loco
Looked like u

Even though she didn't look like u
She looked like u
U look like no1
but every1 looks like u...

Does this make sense?

In the words of Hoobastank,
"Why r u running away?"
But at the sametime
Ur everywhere

I guess what I'm trying to say is...
U look good in ur crop top, Alice BB!

Does Alice look good, bb?
R u in2 her?
Does it look like she is KILLING IT?
Will Crystal Castles 2k12 release 'save' the indiesphere?

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