Cobrasnake | Hipster Runoff



"CMON RAVER BRO... That just doesn't even make sense... I am going to put on ur own bracelets and pummel you to death with them"

Photos by the cobrasnake

The Identity Festival came to a close this month, so there were tons more rave photos in miscellaneous locations around the country. We are continuing to monitor the proliferation of electro culture. Yes, 'electro music' has been around for a long time, but we are witnessing history as it continues 2 'go mainstream'. The modern rave is a threat to the traditional music festival because Generation Z kids might not care about Generation Y's boring ass indie music.


R u going 2 go 2 Identity Festival next year to laugh @ all the ravers?
Or will u be there 2 RAGE LEGIT DUBSTEP?
Do u <3 or h8 RAVES?
Is MOLLY the official drug of the 2k11 rave?

Goo Goo Gaa Gaa Rave Rave! [via massive amounts of molly on my pacifier]

THIS IS HOW I ROLL [via acid / molly / xtc / mdma]

Electro music caused me 2 have a face period. #face_periods

'Ever since grandma died, grandpa has been trying to find himself. My grandpa became a raver.'

U still call it HOUSE MUSIC, bro? I thought the generally accepted term 4 the vague genre of popular electro is currently 'dubstep'?

'I only leave my grammy's basement when there is a rave within a 400 mile radius of her home.'

Raving is an equal opportunity experience

Why is ur ear blue? Why is a home improvement project dangling from ur ear?

Aoki, some dog in an Aoki shirt, and the dude from Breaking Bad

Is rave rafting more dangerous than 'white water rafting'?

Big Ole Rave Ass up in my face

sh0w m0ar b00b

'I'll take a double raveburger with dubfries and a small molly milkshake.'

If I tackle this bro, do I get a 1-UP / extra life?


The Cobrasnake

Alternative Celebrity

Mark Hunter is the Cobrasnake, some bro who travels around the world taking pictures of alt shit so now he has a lifestyle brand.

Read more>>>>


Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Skrillex is a popular dubstep DJ who is arguably the #1 alt DJ in the world.

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Bebe Zeva

Alternative Celebrity

Bebe Zeva is a model for the I AM CARLES brand.

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Did u go 2 #VIPfest?

Pictured: Alice Glass and Ethan Kath of Crystal Castles bronoodle with DJ Frodo (aka Elijah Wood) at #VIPfest

Last Friday was #VIPfest, presented by HIPSTER RUNOFF, the Cobrasnake, and Svedka Vodka. It seemed pretty alt/relevant. That bro from Lord of the Rings showed up. I think he has a DJ career. Then Crystal Castles showed up and played a relevant bleepy bloop DJ set. Every1 enjoyed flavored Svedka, which seemed kinda alt, but potentially kinda Kool-Aid-wave.

The Cobrasnake has evolved in2 a branded human, facilitating branded experiences.

Keut shoes, bb! I like ur Desert-Storm-wave fatigues! I thought they didn't let gheys in the military!

Carles was ready 2 partie!

Branding [via Svedka]

R u VIP??

Pictured (left to right): Flosstradomus, some alt floozie, Kid Sister, Johnny Makeup, some QT bb

Yay 4 the Bulls! I <3 Chicago!

Mark Hunter shares Svedka vodka with some alt floozies

Carles photobombs 2 twinks

Do u like Cults, bb? I read abt them on some buzzblogs!

A moderately chill AZN bro showed up

Drank 2 much flavored SVEDKA vodka, ended up peeing by a dumpster

Pouring some Svedka 4 a blipster bro

Ethan burned a rlly kewl mix CD to play on the club's boombox

Miss u Alice bb... Wish u were holding my hand instead of that can of PBR...

Goodnite, #VIPfest.
Goodnite, Svedka.
Goodnite, Cobrabro
Goodnite, Lolly
Goodnite, Carles.

Did u go 2 #VIPfest?
Do u wish u were there?
Did it seem relevant or mnstrm?
R u inspired 2 try Svedka, or are 'branded experiences' wastes of money?
Is there even such thing as VIP n e more, or is every1 a VIP?


Meme, DJ, Company, Buzzband, Blog, Alternative Celebrity

HIPSTER RUNOFF is a blog worth blogging abt, created by Carles that is trying 2 stay relevant. It blogs abt buzzbands, alt stuff, relevant topics, the end of the social web, and more.

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Meme, Blog, Alternative Celebrity

Carles is the popular blogger from the popular internet website HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Read more>>>>

The Cobrasnake

Alternative Celebrity

Mark Hunter is the Cobrasnake, some bro who travels around the world taking pictures of alt shit so now he has a lifestyle brand.

Read more>>>>

Is crowd rafting safer & more authentic than crowd surfing?

Photos by thecobrasnake

I have always wanted to go to a show with tons of energy, and 'crowd surf' all over the venue. I'd feel the hands of a thousand alts, passing me around like a rag doll stuffed with authenticity and positive vibes. Every person who touched me would feel closer to the artist, closer to the heart of the party. The sea of hands would form chill waves, a chill, reflective tide that leaves all of the negative vibes washed out of my pores, exfoliating with layers upon layers of authentic Biore strips coated with buzz memes. I want to be the life of the party.

But sorta wonder if it is safe for women to crowd surf. I feel like it might be a better option for them 2 buy an inflatable raft, and bring it to the venue. When they feel like 'crowdsurfing', they can just blow up their raft, and surf around the venue. Whenever a female crowd surfs, men will 'do anything it takes' to have a lil grab.

Feel like my ultimate dream is to go crowd rafting with a group of my bros. Maybe at a large scale festival, like Coachella, where there is 'an ocean of fans' as opposed to just a 'sea of fans.' Need as much water space as possibly to execute this.

Gotta just get my group of bros, buy some Oars + an inflatable raft at my local outdoors shop, and get ready 2 go on the expedition of our lives'.

Just wanna raft around for a while, discovering new territories, sorta like Lewis and Clark.
Learning more about the indie / electro / alt scenes
Learning more about myself

Eventually, I would end up on stage, being escorted from my raft
I would shake the hands of the indie artist
and let them know that it was their vibes
that propelled me on my expedition

Even though the security / bouncer bros would be 'pissed'
Like crowd rafting is illegal and causes a huge safety hazard
and their club coulda been sued if I drowned in some metaphorical white water rapids
It was all worth the risk.

Just wanna go crowd rafting
so I don't get my 'goods' fondled by fans
Safety from unchill wavves
with the ability to float harder on authentic chillwaves

This is my journey
Bro overboard.

some1 just throw me a life preserver
cuz I feel like I'm drowning
even tho we're in the middle of a drought
The Great Buzz Drought of 2k10
Need relevant MP3s
so that my iPod can stay nourished
with authentic buzzbands

If u truly love ur iPod
u treat it like a digipet
and feed it mp3s every day

Have yall ever pissed ur pants at a relevant alt party / buzzband concert?

Photo by thecobrasnake

Sometimes I get excited and I don't really know what do with myself. I will end up somewhere that I never thought I would end up in my alt-est dreams [via back when I was a 14 year old indie music fan], and I will just think, "Damn. Guess I made it. This is the life I have always dreamed I'd live."  I will be overwhelmed.  I will piss my pants, not because I have a weak bladder, but because I have a great life.

It's so weird how 1 day ur on the internet reading about a buzzband, and the next day you're at a relevant Coachella pool party getting ur chill on with an alt celeb in-person. U end up in line for a free beverage behind one of them, and it is like, 'damn. I am chilling hard with this bro. Even though he/she is usually in blog headlines, I am part of this culture, moreso than all of the other lonely losers on the internet.'

These moments where 'the internet' are overridden by a real life experience make me piss my pants. Maybe I have a weak bladder, but then again, maybe I have a super interesting life that inspires me to 'wet myself' with excitement. Peeing your pants is a mix of being speechless, nervous, excited, apprehensive, and overwhelmed. There is something more complex about peeing in ur pants than jizzing in ur pants [via bro humor]. Cumming in ur pants means that you are overcome by pleasure, leading to an orgasm.

Peeing in ur pants is a mix of emotions, sorta like a moment where u feel like "This is It..." [via the Strokes] in an accomplished/letdown kind of way. Moments where 'real life' seems surreal, because u never thought something so beautiful / relevant could happen to you.

What types of alternative events / milestones in ur life have inspired you to piss ur pants?

  • Sneaking into a music festival, and hearing the drone of music in the distance
  • Touching Uffie's breast while she crowd surfs
  • Drinking from Steve Aoki's Grey Goose bottle
  • running into Justice at a leather shop
  • Going on a spiritual retreat to the wilderness, running into Panda Bear, and making smores with him
  • Drinking the sweat of an XX sleeveless turtle neck from after their show
  • Buying a pet dog or cat, and having the animal tell u they are part of the Animal Collective
  • Experience an iPad DJ breakdown live
  • Running into a member of the Arcade Fire in a niche Canadian Coffee Shop
  • Being in charge of driving a relevant alt celeb to the venue for a concert
  • Hearing a buzzband's live debut in New York City
  • Reading a mad crazy blog post with wicked good news about an album release
  • flying into an airport in New York City, looking at the skyline, and saying 'this is my effing town, bitches.'
  • being photographed by a relevant party photographer
  • Reading a blog that drops sick ass mp3s / music news memes
  • Being in 'the crowd' on Jimmy Fallon behind a blog band
  • Being at the same Chili's as James Murphy
  • Running into a cool dad alt celeb with his family at Disney World
  • Getting 'piss drunk' at SXSW
  • going to an indie concert, bumping into Jay-Z and Beyonce, then talking with them about buzzbands

I feel like a lot of people who 'h8 alternative lifestyles' don't really understand how fulfilling this lifestyle can be. So many people call it some sort of 'hollow form of consumerism', but they don't realize that we are real people, living real moments. We love bands, brands, gossip, and life, and sometimes all of these entities come together, there are truly beautiful 'piss ur pants' moments that u can't really put into words.

I piss my pants when my life feels more meaningful than any1 else's life
I get happy (to have the opportunity to live my life)
I get scared (that the moment will end)
I feel overwhelmed (that a similar moment will never happen again)
I feel nervous (that I won't know how to capture the moment [via digital camera / twitter /fb status update])
I feel __________
I piss my pants
because it is the only natural / complex expression of my true feelings

Will anything in 2k10 make u piss ur pants?
Or will 2k10 be a buzz + urine drought?

I just want a bro
who pisses his pants with me
and we will metaphorically drink one another's urine
sipping the stream from my bro's loins
Content Stream
Life Stream
Urine Stream
This is my Stream

Are Ravers basically electro juggalos?

Photos by thecobrasnake

Part of me gets confused whenever I see a raver. I am not sure if they are actually into raves / techno / drugs, or if it just a one night thing. Like a bunch of tweens going to an indie show, dressing up as Am Appy 'hipsters.' Maybe there are authentic ravers, and then there are people who go to a rave for 1 night, and just pretend that they are ravers.

Have u ever been 2 a rave?
Do some people treat life like it is a rave?
Does the 'rave' really a cultivate a legitimate subculture, or just an excuse for people to do drugs?

Honestly wonder if ravers are electro juggalos. These people seem like they are on their way to the Gathering of the Juggalos

Just wanna get fucked up on pills, then end up dehydrated, falling asleep in an empty field

Have u ever gone to a party / rave with a group of bros, and yall decided to wear a uniform costume? Might dress up as boy scouts with my bros. We found a sweet deal on a few shirts at our local Goodwill.

Might just dress up in Urban Camo

I feel like this person looks like an authentic raver, truly dedicated to 'the subculture.'

I wonder if ravers are trying to 'evolve' the scene, or if they just want things to stay the same. If they just want to get fucked up in abandoned warehouses.

Hey. It's me. Rave Bro.

I wonder if this bro is some sort of electro lost boy

Might become 'thong bro' and show off my firm ass to 'Drunk Girls' after hearing the new LCD Soundsystem song

Will buy a souvenir from the Major Lazer merch booth

will show off my sweet tats

Inauthentic or authentic ravers? Is 'raver' just a costume?

Will get so fucked up that I even squeeze ketchup on to a hot dog, even though ketchup as a hotdog condiment makes u an inauthentic hot dog eater

Wonder what ever happened to the popular HRO meme/tugworthy skank: the XX broad?

Just want to go to a rave, get really effed up, then make love to a girl who looks like Margot Tenenbaum

Have u ever gone 2 a rave?
Is it still alt to try to look like a character from the Royal Tenenbaums?
Is putting ketchup on a hot dog inauthentic?
Are ravers a legitimate 'subculture' or are they the 'ass wipe' of alt culture?
If u could live ur life over again, would u drop out of HS and dedicate ur life to throwing sick raves?
What is the most alt drug to do at a rave? 'beer'?
Are 'ravers' more like to 'hipsters' or 'juggalos'?

entry level rave bros [via freshman year of college away from parents]

The Melting Pot Bro Theory.

Photo via the cobrasnake

I saw this picture on a popular nite life fotography website, and it made me very confused. I am not sure about 'the state of bro.' It seems like every single type of bro has sort of merged into one bro aesthetic. I feel like there is no longer an altbro, a bro-bro, a college bro, and a California Style Bro. It seems like we might have reached a Melting Pot Bro where many of the elements of various 'bro' aesthetics melt into one singular bro (kinda like America has tons of different races).

In the above photo, you can see many different bro-genres present in the personal brand of the bro:

  • California Style Bro: his hair seems like he has 'been chillin at the beach
  • Brah Bro: Sweet lid that is tilted at a bro-like angle
  • AltBro: Sweet 'energetic' aura, always photographed as if he is attending an electro party, neon-ish plaid shirt
  • SportsBro + CollegeBro: Football t-shirt & School spirit t-shirt
  • PartyBro + College Bro: 'double fisting', 'bitches.'
  • Earring-wearing Bro: He is wearing diamond stud.

What is ur fave type of bro-genre?

It seems like the modern bro can't really be 'put into a genre.' The Modern Bro will utilize various bro aesthetics based upon his upbringing, social class, parental wealth, and fashion availability in his region [via the local mall]. The Modern Bro has utilized the internet to learn more about bros on the other side of the world, changing bro culture forever.

I don't think we can simply call the Modern bro just a 'bro' again, since that would neglect bro history. Here are some suggestions for a label that acknowledges the Melting Pot Bro Theory:

  • The Modern Bro
  • Puu Puu Platter Bro
  • Bro2.0
  • Post-Bro
  • Bro-gaze
  • BroWaves
  • BrahBrahs
  • BroBros
  • BroK10s
  • Antebellum Bros
  • Universal Bro
  • uBro

2k10 is the year where we will stop evaluating bro brands on an individual basis. We will evaluate bros as a larger cultural body/phenomenon/race.
What will the Bro of the Future look like? Will he be mainstream or alt?
What store in the mall will be Bro HQ, or will the modern bro 'shop at a lot of diff places'?
Will bros ever die, or will they keep evolving?
Is every male born after 199_ going to end up a 'bro' whether or not he would like to be a 'bro'?
Has retail fashion changed the social construction of bros 4evr?

Previous AltBro coverage

RAVE OR DIE: 2K9 Edition

all photos by the cobrasnake

You might remember a 'classic' HRO post from 2k8 entitled 'Rave or Die.'
Carles wrote:

Does any one else feel like RAVES are ‘authentic music festivals’? I feel like ‘music festivals’ should really just become drug-fueled parties where people dress in zany costumes and entrylevel alts attempt to find meaning by listening to music/dancing/’trying drugs 4 the first tyme.’

In the 2k9 edition of RAVE OR DIE, Carles will attempt to reconnect with 'the essence of Rave.' Who are these ppl/teens/Mexicalts in Southern California who attend raves? What do they want out of life? What personal brand are these 'ravers' attempting to implement?

As yall know, a rave is a gathering where ppl do a lot of drugs and listen to 'the shittest' kinds of techno/electro music. The women also kinda 'dress slutty.'

It seems like ppl are trying to 'return to their childhoodz' by utilizing images+products from youth [via bracelets, necklaces, other trinkets, and even backpacks.]

'I want 2 b a kid again.'

'Wish I had a backpack full of ecstasy.'

Feeling sad that the 'altbro' aesthetic has finally made its way to rave culture. The spirit of the electro altbro is dead.

I think that it means some1 is 'mad fucked up' when their pupils are dilated.

It seems like 'lollipops' are also a good prop to chill with at raves. Not sure if I'd get caramel apple pop or blow pop. Not sure which 1 would 'taste better' while on E/acids.

The DJ played some 'sick shit.' His DJ name was 'DJ 420 Bob Dank Schwag Marley Bro.'

Got rlly 'fucked up' on E and gave DJ 420 a 'beej.' Regret it kinda.

But srsly... have u ever fucked while on ecstasy? (they say u can never have an orgasm without it 4 the rest of ur life)

Have u ever grubbed a funnel cake while on ecstasy?

I used the rave as an opportunity to connect with my nuclear family. My mom was the person who taught me how to use drugs, so even though she is 'disabled' I was able to bring her out and we 'dropped' 2gether. They say u don't have a relationship with ur parent until u've 'gotten fucked up' with him/her.

This is a metaphor abt growing older / ur innerchild being dead.

Photo by the cobrasnake

I remember when I was a kid, I watched a lot of TV. Not sure if they internet 'really existed' back then, possibly 'just AOL.' I had always thought that my childhood was special. I thought that me + my brother/sister had a more meaningful childhood than any1 else in the world. However, as I grew older, I found out that the people who lived around me generally had the same experience as me (they possibly had more lenient parents).

Back in the day, I feel like I 'genuinely like things', not really making an active personal branding decision. As a kid, u do things like 'watch the popular shows on a popular channel', and 'listen to popular music on popular radio stations' without really understanding 'why.' U get the opportunity 2 connect with other kids abt 'watching the same shit', and u can connect, and think 'damn. we have a lot in common.' Used to do stuff like 'play', but now u have to 'pay money to have a unique experience.' Sometimes u even have to go on stubhub/ebay/craigslist 2 pay above market rate for a unique experience.

Sad abt growing up, losing touch with my innerchild, experiencing things like 'joy' or smiling for a reason other than 'laughing @ some1.' Sad that most of my connxns are so inauthentic. Sad that I can't enjoy things. Sad that whenever I 'connect' with some1, I just feel like a 'nostalgic fggt.' H8 when ppl connect abt things that they used 2 watch/listen 2. Wish there was some way to connect with ppl abt who we will become in the future.

Sad that my innerchild is 'dead and gone, dead and gone.'

Srsly feel like the only thing that could have made my childhood better would have been 'having the opportunity to listen to Animal Collective without even knowing what pitchfork/music blogs were.' Feel like I would have really 'enjoyed it' in an organic way.

Please use the comments section of this post to connect with commenters abt what yall have in common from childhood, and how it constructed u in2 the person u r 2day.

Can’t believe the ‘flamer’ from Am Idol ‘came out.’

Photo by the cobrasnake

Yall probably remember my American Idol liveblog, where I watched AmIddy for the first time. There was a character on the show named Adam Lambert who 'seemed kinda ghey' but no1 was really sure. There were moments during the season where he did 'really gay stuff' but no1 was allowed to say he was gay or else he wouldn't get a record contract and Middle Americans/Christians are the only ppl who 'buy CDs'/'songs off iTunes' today. Not sure if Adam Lambert is 'a huge coward' for not 'coming out.' Maybe he didn't see the movie MILK so he doesn't understand what homosexuals have gone through. I feel like young people take 'the gift of homosexuality' for granted, and don't realize that we basically live in utopia.

Anyways, he 'apparently came out' and is now 'officially ghey.' Not sure if the bro in the picture is his 'lover' or if it is just a big fan of Am Idol. Can't believe his BF is 'an altbro.'

Do yall think that mainstream celebs should be forced to tell the world their sexualities? Or only the ghey ones? I wish that there was some sort of celebrity trading card where u could get the stats on a famous person. Or maybe homosexuals could wear some sort of 'scarlet letter' like eye liner, or bootcut jeans, or some other trend that u see in ur local homosexual circuit. Feel like they 'wouldn't mind.'

I am not sure if 'being ghey' is something that ur born with, or if it is a choice u make, or if it is 'bad parenting.' Probably 'a lil bit of everything.' I have heard that there is a problem in high schools where teenagers are 'being gay' just to rebel against their parents. Even though the kidz aren't 'actually gay' they see 'being a homosexual' as 'being an individual.' Tweens apparently see 'being gay' as some sort of decision that means ur 'more committed to ur individuality' than 'just wearing a Fall Out Boy t-shirt.' Feel weird that tweens who are 'not actually ghey' might be performing some 'very intense sexual acts.' Worried.

Wish either 'every1 was ghey' or 'every1 was straight' and we didn't have to deal with these issues. It makes more sense for ppl to all be 'straight' so that the 'human race' can 'live on.' Might start experimenting though.

Do yall know any1 who is a homosexual? What are they like? Are they 'just like us' or do you have to 'treat them differently'? Share your stories in the comments.

Steve Aoki sings song to an azn crowd in a Foreign Eastern Land

I remember I blggd about Steven Aoki singing vocals on some BloodyBeetroots song a while ago, and always wondered how it would be performed live. Fortunately, Stevebro sang the song [via banger karaoke] on his Far Eastern Tour.


I feel like they always saw different parts of the world are several years behind American culture. Feel like this scene reminds me of the American BlogHouse era of 2k7. Every1 was down 2 partie, altbros wearing sillie scarves, crowd jumping, fist bumping. A swarm of party photographers on the stage with high level flashes+lenses, looking to get the most meaningful angle on a photograph of an altceleb getting beliggy on stage.. Girls in v-necks showing 'just the right amount of cleavage.' Miss those days. Just wish I could have been 'on stage' seeming V.I.P., away from the crowd, but managing to end up in 7-12 party pix.

Think my fave part is towards the end of the video where some sort of AZN man in suit starts removing bros from the stage. Miss the days of 'crashing the stage' with my friends after we got 'hella buzzed.'

Think HRO might tour Asia. Seems like a place where people 'relax' and have a good time. Do yall think SteveBro is a good singer?

Can u find Steve Aoki?

Photos via thecobrasnake

Can u find the reddest-faced AZN?

Can u find the keut white girl in the sea of AZNs??


I miss dualcoreAZN memes.

Just want 2 go back 2 the days when I could wear a purple v-neck, a palestinny scarf, and neon wayfarers without 'feeling ashamed.'

Miss the days of authentic nip slip theory.

Please note: This picture is not safe for browsing in environments which do not allow you to see more than 3/5 of a nipple.

Photo via the cobrasnake

I remember the 'glory days' or HRO when 'nothing mattered' except for alternative n00ds, nip slips, and bloghouse mp3s. Feel like the 'party' has died, kind of like that time that disco died, and people said 'disco sucks, yall.' But then in 2k8, people started making disco again since the internet created enough niches for a disco tune to exist+be consumed.

But srsly yall... nip slips might still be better than 'seeing a whole tit' because it leaves more 2 the imagination. like it is 'boring' when a girl puts out 2 fast, so u sort of need her to 'hold out' so you can get emotionally connected+obsessed with the eventual goal of 'cumming on/in her.' Then when it happens, u feel like life is meaningful, but eventually u 'get tired of it' and want some1 new.

Miss the search for the perfect alternative breasts.

Miss when altcelebs would 'show off their goods. Glad that the cobrabro is still willing to 'be himself' but wish more females would do the same.

Previous nipslip coverage

Does n e 1 know why AZN faces 'get all red' when they get drunk?

Photo by thecobrasnake

1 of life's greatest mysteries is why AZN people 'get red in the face' after they 'get sloshed.' I don't understand why that happens after they 'get melvined.' I don't think that this bro is 'hammered', I think he just used fake tanner, but I'm just trying to make the point that AZNs get red after they 'get johnsoned.' Just feel like 'getting justiced' tonight.

I feel like it's already enough 2 be disoriented after ur 'fucking gone', but it must be weird to also be red-faced after ur 'chrisfarleyed.' Feel ghey when people talk about 'getting crunk' or 'getting retarded.' Wish they called it something like 'getting bellig(erent)' or 'getting fucked.'

Does n e 1 know a good/modern term for 'getting drunk'?
Might start just substituting in the name of my fave alt celeb/ironic celeb. Like 'I got really AliceGlassed' or maybe 'I got really TomHanksed.'

'I got fucking pitchforked last nite, yall' or maybe 'I came last nite.'
What r u doing 2nite?
Does some1 have a scientific explanation for AZNs getting red in the face? Feel like it might be some sort of 'natural selection' type of thing.

What would u do if u met James Murphy?

Sometimes I wonder what I'd do if I met one of the most important alt celebrities of all time. I saw this picture of James "Jimmy" "DFAbro" Murphy with some bro taking a pic of him with his krappie digicam, and it made me think about what I'd do if I had the opportunity to shake the hand of one of me heros.

Photo by thecobrasnake

What would u do if u met James Murphy?????

a) shake his hand, and make a statement that proves u r 'a true fan'
b) make a joke that involves a lyric of a popular LCD Soundsystem song--'bro. just wanna be some1 great and not North American scum with all my friends daft punk is gonna play at my house.'
c) take out ur iPhone/shittie digicam and ask to take a picture with him
d) ask him to sign ur iPod
e) tell him that he means a lot 2 the history of electro, modern disco, and transcendental-bloghouse
f) hand him the demo from ur band so that u can get signed 2 DFA
g) write down ur band's myspace page
h) try to 'pick him up' kinda like that 1 SNL skit where Ben Stiller 'picks up' Glen Frey as played by Will Ferrell
i) tell him that ur in film school, and tell him that u made a short film using some of his music, and encourage him 2 search 4 it on youtube
j) Tell him that u connected with the song 'New York I love u, but ur bringing me down' and it inspired u to move away from NYC
k) Ask him if he has heard 'Justice'
l) Ask him if he wants to chill, cuz u know a place with good authentic Mexican food/late night snacks
m) Just try to be a bro
n) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Sometimes I wonder how 2 handle myself in front of people who are incredibly relevant. Do they exist in the same world as we do? I feel very 'normal' and I think the world would be different if I had made some huge contribution to alternative society.

Do u think part of being a 'modern fan' means feeling entitled to broship with ur alternative role models? Feel like I can really connect with my fave artists and personalities these days, especially bc of twitter. Just feel s00 close 2 famous ppl now.

In the Fall, I will be transferring to a High School for Students with Alternative Needs

Photo by thecobrasnake

I have always felt out of place in public high school. Just too many people. Too many regular people. And the people who 'look alternative' don't even 'get' what being alternative is about. Too many poors and coloureds who are from the apartment complexes that they recently built in my district

I went to a private school for a while thinking things would be better, and I think people are just too rich to be alt. Sort of like Mary Kate and Ashers. I also h8 wearing uniforms. I just want a place where I can be me. I want a place where people know what I am talking about. Tired of people pretending that Gossip Girl is authentic. Tired of meeting other people my age who listen to buzzbands from 2 years ago and tween rock.

In the fall, I will be attending the School for the Authenticification of the Young Alts of Upstate New York. Basically, it is a school that takes in alternative kids with potential, and teaches them how to take their alternative existences to the next level. The school is meant to prepare kidz for the rigorous social demands of high level alternative scenes. It is a battle for survival.

The posted picture shows the first graduating class on their senior trip. The majority of senior year is spent traveling across the globe, visiting every relevant city on this planet. In order to become an authentic alt, you must travel, and see people in their natural element. This is how you build your personal brand and personal fashion. This is how you learn 2 <3 life.

Here are a few of the aspects that make me excited about going to this high school:

  • Weekend shuttle so kids don't drive drunk
  • Teaches u about important stuff like bloghouse and technology
  • Gives you 4 hours per day on campus to browse the internet and read blogs
  • Sponsored by a vodka company
  • Freegan meals
  • Vending machines with alt beverages on campus (Sparks, PBR, Belvedere)
  • Class that teaches you how to start a party pic site, from buying a DSLR to how to upload pix to the web
  • Teachers are from yesteryear's indie buzz bands and some people who threw some sweet parties back when 'the scene' was just forming
  • Strategies on thrifting / getting good deals at retail stores
  • Dealing with ur mainstream past
  • No mainstream events like prom, student council, or athletics
  • What u should look for in a soulmate.
  • Reading progressive books, magazines, blogs, and zines.
  • There are no 'grades'

What do u think I should demand in my curriculum?
Do yall go to high school? Do you think this is a good idea?
Do u think it will help me get into a good college/ivy league / art school?
Should I go to a school for the arts/technology?
What will help me become the person I want to be?
What was ur high school experience like?

All I ever wanted to do was look like the beautiful people in the pictures on the internet. [via Crystal Castalt]

Should I get a bowl mullet? [SUMMER LOOKS]

Photo via the cobrasnake

I'm searching mad hard for a summer look, yall. Just need to 'keep it fresh.' I am sort of looking for something that fits in with the modern world--not trying to copy aesthetics from the past several years. Thinking about getting some sort of bowl cut, but then also possibly having 'a lil tail' in the back [via mullet]. I just want people to know that I am 'willing to adapt' to trends, and that I'm not really stuck with just 1 mediocre look.

This summer, I think I want to be 'post-sexual', maybe a little bit like an androgynalt. Don't want people to know what sex I am. I want ppl 2 b attracted to me for 'what's on the inside' and not because of bullshit biological factors like 'gender' and 'sexual organs.' I just feel like we need to start realizing that you can make love with any1 if we want to have peace in the Middle East. We need to stop worrying about bullshit societal and biological norms.

But srsly yall, do u know any good summer looks? Wonder if gladiator sandals will come back--saw them selling some at WalMart.

Should I just go to the gym to 'get ripped' then buy some board shorts and get a summer job as a lifeguard?

If I get a record hat, will it melt in the sun if I wear it to a pool partie?

Yall I need yalls help. do u know any good 'summer stores' other than the local thrift store "The Old Navy"?

Name that Alt celeb lookalike (Laptop DJ Edition)

Photo by thecobrasnake

Yall. Saw this picture of some bro. Thought he looked a lot like 1 of my favourite DJs...


  • He is not AZN.
  • He wasn't on That 70's Show
  • He seems like a chill bro
  • He invented 'mashups.'
  • His favourite baseball team is the Pittsburgh Phillies.
  • He will play 'crunk-ass' parties on college campuses for the next 4-30 years.
  • He 'stole' Radiohead's 'pay what u want' model 4 his most recent album
  • Ppl who 'still see him' are usually under the age of 19 / 16 / 8.
  • He's a "P.C."
  • He starred in the film Honey I Shrunk the Kidz, yall!
  • He works in a factory that creates 'Free AOL' cds.
  • Pitchfork gave his latest mixtape a 100 stars
  • he has a party picture website that gets 1million hits per day

Who do yall think he is?

Girl Talk

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Girl Talk is a laptop DJ who got big in the bloghouse era but really just produces generic, well-branded mix tapes.

Read more>>>>

Should I wear a VHS tape around my neck [via 'favourite childhood movie']?

Photo via thecobrasnake

Yall. Saw some bro wearing a VHS tape around his neck, kinda like a necklace. I remember when bros used 2 wear record hats, other alts wore cassette tape necklaces, and some other bro wore a postcard necklace. I wonder what movie he has around his neck. Probs something like The Goonies or Getting Even With Dad or something zany like Pete & Pete Bros. Would be pretty authentic if he had something like 'a snuff film' around his neck, or maybe some sort of vulnerable childhood film that u could show 2 people that ur in a relationship with 2 make them 'feel closer' 2 u.

Need 2 convert more dated technology into 'fashionable items.' Might start wearing a USB drive around my neck, like I work in the IT industry.

Feel weird when people 'watch movies' and 'love them.' Sort of feel sad when I see bins of DVDs for $2 each, especially when I used to think that 'the movie experience was valuable.' Wonder where the magic of the movies went? Wonder what the carbon footprint of 'the movie industry' is. Probably almost as bad as driving a car or something.

I might just paint a mural of every single alt/authentic/quirky-core movie character who has ever been in some sort of relevant indie film / 'cult classic' / dark comedy.

Who would yall put on ur 'dream mural' of every relevant character?
Would all of the Tenenbaums fit on ur mural?
Would the 'fucking stupid Mexi' from Napoleon Dynamite 'make the cut'?
Would any African Americans be on ur mural?
Should I get a tattoo that says 'CriterionCollecBro'?
Are yall excited about Summer Movies? [via Will Smith/Johnathan Depp / Nick Cage]

Shin Guards: Big in 2k11?

Photo by Cobrasnake

Yall. I was looking at a high-end fashion website, and noticed a group of broads standing around with shin guards on. It kinda reminded me of the season that I played youth soccer until I made my mom stop taking me to the games cuz I didn't 'give a shit' about things like organized sports. Worst time of my life.

But yeah...Not sure if these shin guards are gonna be necessary because of some sort of 'ground creature' that will start 2 bite our shins. Or maybe since there will be more homeless people on the sidewalks [via the economy], we have to protect ourselves from them grabbing at our legs.

Gotta go to a local soccer shop in suburbia 2 get some shin guards. Might also pick up a 'David Beckham jersey.'

Which type of shin guard is more authentic?
The kind that wraps around ur heel?

Or the kind that is a lil 'free floater'?

Just trying to find out what would help me 'look kewler.'

Remember when indoor soccer shoes were alt?

Might need 2 'get more athletic' in 2k10. Is smoking bad 4 u?

Just want a fashion forward girl who wears shin guards, or maybe just an AZN with a puppy dress [via Falcor]. :-(

"It Doesn't Matter if Ur Black or White." - Michael Jackson

Photo by Facehunter

I saw this bro, and I think he is a 'human metaphor.' I think he is sort of like a cartoon character that is supposed to help us think about racial issues. While his skin is black, he has created an environment where we mostly see white.

There is also a symbol on his sweatshirt which represents 'the white man.' I think it is probably another metaphor about 'something racial' like slavery, colonial rule, and the white man's adoption of hiphop culture. Sometimes yall need 2 do more to think about the power of imagery. Fashion is more than just 'trying 2 look cool.' Fashion is an opportunity to celebrate culture, comment on history, and make other people think, kind of like a progressive freshman English class with a teach with a passionate, liberal-minded teacher.

What do yall think this metaphor means?

Photo by The Cobrasnake

Think it has 2 do with Colonial America, and how black people were slaves, therefore the flag should be only black and white since there were no other races in America yet, and since society was 'upside down' the flag should be too.

How would u explain this metaphor? Is Michael Jackson a 60 year 'performance art piece' kind of like that zany Joaquin Phoenix bro?

Lord of the AltBros -- Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the AltBro

Photo by Cobrasnake

I remember in the book Lord of the Flies, there is a group of bros who get "LOST" on an island. They have no 'societal norms' and break down into tribes who go to war against one another. One tribe is 'violent' and the other one is 'all about peace.' I think it's supposed to be about how we handle being human after all with a 'lil bit of animal' inside of us.

Kinda feel like that's what's happening with altbros. Now that electro is 'kinda dead' and altbro fashion is no longer 'hip', altbros have broken down into tribes who are either peaceful (listen to conceptual core), or they have turned into violent bros, like the one above. They are hungry for blood, and they will use it as war paint / an interesting accessory for personal branding.

Kinda worried that we're gonna see more murders in 2k9 just for the sake of 'using the blood as face paint.' Just think that people get kinda messed up in the quest for authenticity to the point that they are 'murdering their bros' just because they are too insecure to wear their lens-less glasses without a hand print.

miss u altbros.


The HIPSTER RUNOFF radio show airs Mondays at noon and again at midnight EST on Sirius XMU. Iff you’re an XM subscriber, you can listen to Blog Radio on channel 43, and Sirius subscribers can still find us on channel 26. If u really want 2 hear Carles Show, u can get a 3 day trial membership.

U can always listen 2 my podcasts if ur poor.

Playlist after the jump.

Metaphorical Blackface

Photo by cobrasnake

A lot of ppl try to say that blackface is offensive. I'm not God, so I don't know how 2 make judgments like that. I think that this costume by CSS lead singer LOVEFOXXX is a metaphor about slavery. There are a bunch of hands on her costume, which represent 'people working in the fields.'
However, there is a special glimmer to her black paint which symbolizes hope. That 'hope' is directly related to Barry Obama's election, and she is just trying to say that 'black people used to have it bad, but now things are okay bc they can express themselves through urban culture blogs and streetwear [via kanye].' I'm not sure what the print on her shirt/body suit means, but it is probably some sort of cave dweller typography, or something that ancient people would write on bowls and walls and stuff like that to tell their stories about life.

Lovefoxxx's costume is complete with a hint of JokerAlt. After Heath Ledger played 'the Joker' in The Dark Knight, every1 is looking to recreate his pain and his humor by drawing 'happy face scars' that extend their mouths. While I kinda wanna laugh with ur, I can also feel a little bit of the pain that she went through, bringing me closer 2 her.

Do yall think this costume was offensive?
Did I misinterpret it?
Are there such things as metaphors?
Why can't things just stand 4 what they are?

If u really think about it... in our post-hiphop culture world, isn't there a lil bit of black paint on all of our faces?
Did n e 1 study racial issues at college? Do we only look to black people for 'crime' and 'entertainment'? Do yall think Barry Obama is good for the minority career-goal zeitgeist, or should we all try to be in the NBA/rappers/Oprahs /Beyonces / Chris Browns / OJ Simpsons / Magic Johnsons / Charles Barkleys / Condoleezas / Martin Lawrences / George W. Bushes ?

h8 how I work myself up since I pick up on too many metaphors. h8 my liberal arts education. :-(
wish I could be dumb and just eat Doritos and watch MTV and read PerezHilton on my Dell laptop. But I'm not. Being alt is a glorious burden.

Previous Lovefoxxx Shenanigans

I love my dog

[Photo via thecobrasnake]
Dogs are meaningful bc no1 understands ur relaish with them. It's kinda like having a kid, except it is less serious, so u don't have to 'resent it' because u didn't accidentally have it. A lot of people don't go to a human society (aka Africa) to adopt a child, much like u can with a pet. Also, there is a trivial yet meaningful connection with ur pet. When ur pet passes away, while it 'meant a lot to you', it's more comfortable than losing something 'real', like a parent, sibling, or child. So while ur 'sad', u also kinda get to pretend that ur 'rlly sad.'

So when some1 who doesn't 'get' life loses a pet, they 'usually take it really hard', and u have to pretend that they lost a 'family member' and give them a month off from work. But it's still kinda sad, but I think the only authentic sadness might come when u lose ur parent who loved u through thick and thin, even when u went through ur alt-est, most rebellious phases. The parent who raised u, and paid for ur entire life from age 0-29. The parent who ultimately didn't expect much from you, but still remained proud of u.

Do u <3 ur pet?
Can u only authentically <3 ur immediate family?
Do u h8/<3/miss n e 1 rite now?
R u gonna stay home and get vulns 2nite?

[Image via HRO blog]

Take the time 2 let ppl know that u <3 them.
u nvr know when ur gonna lose everything that meant something 2 u (I learned this after HRO was hacked last weekend).

miss yall

Is Bud Light the next Big Alternative Alcoholic Beverage?

I know we've gone through a Sparks era and a PBR era. However, I saw a picture that represented the alternative communities huge demand for a new alternative beverage of choice. Think this picture is a 'metaphor' for a 'thirst 4 something new.'

[Image via thecobrasnake]
Things are changing soo fast around us. Life is a never ending quest for the best brands 2 align urself with. For example, this broad is 2x 'kewl' cuz she is double nursing these bottles of Bud Light. It is her desire to 'get f*ckt up!' and 'get her partie on.' Have yall ever 'had 2 much 2 drink' just because u were 'desperate 2 have a good time/make a nite meaningful'?

Is ne 1 else unsure of how authentic a beer like BUD LIGHT can be since it was already branded by ______ people?

Should I invest in Miller Light? Is this picture supposed to 'look like that 1 portrait of the Virgin Mary', in order 2 appeal 2 Mexis.

Does n e 1 know any good 'microbreweries'/authentic moonshine makers that are located in the conceptual forest?

Has any1 tried mescaline? Should I just make a gallon of mescaline serum and 'go 2 the desert for 1 week'?

is it still authentic to 'get fuckt up'?
<3 'double fisting'


The HIPSTER RUNOFF radio show airs Mondays at noon and again at midnight EST on Sirius XMU. Iff you’re an XM subscriber, you can listen to Blog Radio on channel 43, and Sirius subscribers can still find us on channel 26. If u really want 2 hear Carles Show, u can get a 3 day trial membership.

Playlist 'after the jump.'

What do POPPERS feel like?

[Photo via thecobrasranake<]
I was reading the internet weblog the cobrasnake, and I saw that there were people doing this new drug called POPPERS. Not sure what it feels like, but I've heard that it was been big for a long time in the Ghey underworld subculture. It is apparently some sort of liquid that u 'huff' and it makes u feel free for 1 or 2 seconds. Not sure if that's how it works. does n e 1 know?

I have done no research into the effects of poppers, but from what I can gather:

  • poppers cause a momentary moment of brain damage / mental retardation
  • poppers are kind of like cocaine because u inhale it
  • poppers are kind of like huffing gasoline because it makes u 'free'
  • poppers have no negative effects
  • poppers make nights more meaningful
  • poppers can fuck u up more than alcohol
  • poppers are not as chill as marijuana
  • poppers don't facilitate epiphanies, kinda like acid/LSD
  • u can't do poppers off ur iPhone without breaking it/causing water damage
  • poppers should only be used by kidz above the age of 10
  • poppers are a cheap, easy way to have fun with a group of friends
  • if u do too many poppers, ur brain will start to come out of ur nose
  • doctors sometimes feed babies poppers to 'chill them out' right when they pop out of the womb
  • Barrack Obama is working on an anti-popper campaign targeted at tweens in the Midwest
  • poppers are not as bad as meth for society
  • poppers can be ur bro, but u have 2 be chill.

Has n e 1 who reads this blog done poppers?
Can yall describe what they feel like?
Just trying to experiment b4 I get old and die.
Want to 'feel' every possible feeling on Earth before I die.

"u only live once." -The Strokes

Which gimmick is more authentic?

Which gimmick is more authentic--

or being an ultimate altbro super fan who hand crafted a custom mask of his favourite masked DJ duo and wearing it to a meaningful LIVE DJ Set by his favourite masked DJ duo?

[Photo via Cobrasnaker]

Just want 2 prove that my brand is [via N*SYNC] with my favourite altceleb DJ duo lifestyle brand.

Might wear this to a Panda Bear ft AnCo concert

Might wear a Beck costume to a Girl Talk house show

Might wear a Keyboard Shortcut to a Cut Copy concert

Might play russian roulette at a Deerhunter show

Can yall think of n e good gimmicks to implement at a show that proves u r a Super Fan of an indie rock electro band? Just wanna prove myself, yall.

Previous authentic alt

Do yall ever play Alt Bingo when yall go out?

[Photo by thecobrasnake]
Yall probably remember the internet meme sensation that I created called ALT BINGO. It also had other spinoffs like BLIPSTER BINGO and HRO BINGO. I think people think that these are 'just internet memes.' They are wrong. These are games that are meant to take your daily life to the next level.

Yall guys need 2 realize that when u go out, u need 2 OPEN UR EYES 2 what's around u. Have fun. Take life a lil less seriously. If u think about it, u could make a Bingo Card about just about n e thing. That's because BINGO is meant to let you chill, and 'let go' and embrace the RANDOMNESS of life. Instead of thinking about 'winning', u can admit that u have little control over the outcome, and just realize that life is all about opportunity + luck + chance. Embrace the power of BINGO, yall.

"Let Go." -Frou Frou

Do yall ever print out Internet Meme bingo cards and chill with them at events?
What's the most authentic colour of highlighter?
Do u think n e 1 will ever invent a Bingo Board for the Year 2k9 [featuring AnCo]?
Or will some1 make a Monopoly board featuring alternative hotspots around the world?

Great moments in beautiful photography

[Photo by thecobrasnake]
This is a beautiful photograph. U can't really see what's happening, but that is kind of a metaphor. We need more metaphors which will help us to reflect in 2k9.

I can't be 100% certain what is happening in the picture. Is it a house party? Is it a meaningful electro concert? Is it a picture from the Running of the Bulls? Is it a group of bros being executed as a group? Is it a group of people singing the song "Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.? Is it a group of bros trying to go viral via their youtube channel? We'll never know, yall.


"I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try" -The R.E.M.s

But part of me kinda likes not knowing. While I usually yearn for certainty, this time I feel at peace without knowing an answer to all of my questions. I know I'm not the only one.

There's more to photography than yall think.
Beautiful Photographs Make U Think About Life.

(Maybe it was just an artistic decision 2 try to hide the Shuttershades bro)

miss u 2k_
As we move forward in time, are we realizing that 2k_ was the best year in the history of the world?

The Future of the Live Performance

Sometimes I wonder 'what DJs will do next' in order to stay relevant + interesting.
They are really going to have to start coming up with 'out of this world' gimmicks since the masked DJ economy has officially gone under.
I feel like the whole 'space'/'interplanetary' theme might be the future of the DJ. Or maybe something where you choose a career, and then build your gimmick around it. Kind of like how Interpol dresses up like ghey investment bankers. Or Nickelback dresses up like 'dudes who hang out at bars.'

This bro is an Astronaut for the popular web 2.0 company NASA.

[Photos by cobrasnake]

He decided to use his performance as a portal to 'another galaxy.' (cuz he chills in space)
He even discovered a new breed of alien who lives on another planet that has Am Appies.

It was a zany and fun time with tons of intergalactic creatures. The altCrowd 'loved' how it was 'not supposed to be taken seriously' but also represented a portal to a different galaxy in a serious way.

As yall know, HRO is a blog about finding sustainable business models/gimmicks. As performers, yall have to realize that you need 2 do whatever it takes to get blogged about. Kind of like the pizza alt. U have 2 understand that u are creating 4dimensional experience for your fans.

Can yall think of any good DJ/band gimmicks for the upcoming decade?

When I grow up, I want 2 b on a Party Pic Site

When I grow up, I want 2 be frequently seen on a party pic website (on a weekly basis). I want 2 show up on 1 of the relevant sites in a major city. I want people 2 know that every week, I attend at least 1.5 cutting-edge cultural events. The world is watching me for the next big trends. This gives me a reason to be alive.

When I was young, I thought I wanted to be an astronaut/fireman/ professional athlete / doctor / lawyer / investment banker, but now I realize that there's more to life than just 'having a title that people respect.' U should want more than just money + status in a local community. U need international alternative internet fame. U need 2 be seen + be relevant. U need 2 'look prettie' and participate in a more personal version of 'the paparazzi.'

Just because there aren't tagging features on most party pix sites doesn't mean they are worthless. Party pix sites are more authentic than facebook and flickr because you have 2 work harder to 'be a community.' When u r on a party pic site, u r part of something bigger than urself.

Be proud 2 be seen, yall.
Be proud of who yall are.
Be proud of ur wardrobe.
Be proud that u 'get' the world.
Be proud that u attend relevant events.
Be proud that u 'get' that u will be on a party pix site, then make a tshirt abt it[via graphic design], show up on another street fashion blog, then get blogged about by some 3rd altBlog. ( u r a meme. )

[Photos by Facehunter]


miss u

What's the difference between tights and leggings and panty hose?

[Photo by cobrasnake]
I feel like I'm gonna spend 2k9 spending a lot more time trying to understand form/function so that I know how to better compartmentalize/stereotype/label different genres of products/people/ideas/nouns. Not sure if I'll ever 'get' the diff btwn leggings/panty hose/tights... I know that some are solid. & some are see-thru (but sometimes that happens when ur fat and u wear leggings). and some are '2 keep u warm.'

Can some of yall 'single ladies' help me out? [via that Beyonce song]

the world
'around me.'

OH ya I had a radioshow. SHOULD I DO ANOTHER PODCAST?

The HIPSTER RUNOFF radio show airs Mondays at noon and again at midnight EST on Sirius XMU. Iff you’re an XM subscriber, you can listen to Blog Radio on channel 43, and Sirius subscribers can still find us on channel 26. If u really want 2 hear Carles Show, u can get a 3 day trial membership.


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