I saw this picture on a popular nite life fotography website, and it made me very confused. I am not sure about ‘the state of bro.’ It seems like every single type of bro has sort of merged into one bro aesthetic. I feel like there is no longer an altbro, a bro-bro, a college bro, and a California Style Bro. It seems like we might have reached a Melting Pot Bro where many of the elements of various ‘bro’ aesthetics melt into one singular bro (kinda like America has tons of different races).

In the above photo, you can see many different bro-genres present in the personal brand of the bro:

• California Style Bro: his hair seems like he has ‘been chillin at the beach
• Brah Bro: Sweet lid that is tilted at a bro-like angle
• AltBro: Sweet ‘energetic’ aura, always photographed as if he is attending an electro party, neon-ish plaid shirt
• SportsBro + CollegeBro: Football t-shirt & School spirit t-shirt
• PartyBro + College Bro: ‘double fisting’, ‘bitches.’
• Earring-wearing Bro: He is wearing diamond stud.

What is ur fave type of bro-genre?

It seems like the modern bro can’t really be ‘put into a genre.’ The Modern Bro will utilize various bro aesthetics based upon his upbringing, social class, parental wealth, and fashion availability in his region [via the local mall]. The Modern Bro has utilized the internet to learn more about bros on the other side of the world, changing bro culture forever.

I don’t think we can simply call the Modern bro just a ‘bro’ again, since that would neglect bro history. Here are some suggestions for a label that acknowledges the Melting Pot Bro Theory:

• The Modern Bro
• Puu Puu Platter Bro
• Bro2.0
• Post-Bro
• Bro-gaze
• BroWaves
• BrahBrahs
• BroBros
• BroK10s
• Antebellum Bros
• Universal Bro
• uBro

2k10 is the year where we will stop evaluating bro brands on an individual basis. We will evaluate bros as a larger cultural body/phenomenon/race.
What will the Bro of the Future look like? Will he be mainstream or alt?
What store in the mall will be Bro HQ, or will the modern bro ’shop at a lot of diff places’?
Will bros ever die, or will they keep evolving?
Is every male born after 199_ going to end up a ‘bro’ whether or not he would like to be a ‘bro’?
Has retail fashion changed the social construction of bros 4evr?

Previous AltBro coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/alternative-bro

You might remember a ‘classic’ HRO post from 2k8 entitled ‘Rave or Die.’
Carles wrote:

Does any one else feel like RAVES are ‘authentic music festivals’? I feel like ‘music festivals’ should really just become drug-fueled parties where people dress in zany costumes and entrylevel alts attempt to find meaning by listening to music/dancing/’trying drugs 4 the first tyme.’

In the 2k9 edition of RAVE OR DIE, Carles will attempt to reconnect with ‘the essence of Rave.’ Who are these ppl/teens/Mexicalts in Southern California who attend raves? What do they want out of life? What personal brand are these ‘ravers’ attempting to implement?

As yall know, a rave is a gathering where ppl do a lot of drugs and listen to ‘the shittest’ kinds of techno/electro music. The women also kinda ‘dress slutty.’

It seems like ppl are trying to ‘return to their childhoodz’ by utilizing images+products from youth [via bracelets, necklaces, other trinkets, and even backpacks.]

‘I want 2 b a kid again.’

‘Wish I had a backpack full of ecstasy.’

Feeling sad that the ‘altbro’ aesthetic has finally made its way to rave culture. The spirit of the electro altbro is dead.

I think that it means some1 is ‘mad fucked up’ when their pupils are dilated.

It seems like ‘lollipops’ are also a good prop to chill with at raves. Not sure if I’d get caramel apple pop or blow pop. Not sure which 1 would ‘taste better’ while on E/acids.

The DJ played some ’sick shit.’ His DJ name was ‘DJ 420 Bob Dank Schwag Marley Bro.’

Got rlly ‘fucked up’ on E and gave DJ 420 a ‘beej.’ Regret it kinda.

But srsly… have u ever fucked while on ecstasy? (they say u can never have an orgasm without it 4 the rest of ur life)

Have u ever grubbed a funnel cake while on ecstasy?

I used the rave as an opportunity to connect with my nuclear family. My mom was the person who taught me how to use drugs, so even though she is ‘disabled’ I was able to bring her out and we ‘dropped’ 2gether. They say u don’t have a relationship with ur parent until u’ve ‘gotten fucked up’ with him/her.


‘Yes. I am a stereotype. I actually sell drugs to children and teenagers.’

‘We just came here because it was an environment that celebrated excessive drug use and gave us the opportunity to grope at bitches whose titties are hanging out.’

‘Dear Lord that’s a whole lotta curve.’

Got sad when my bff started 2 yack. Felt like she ruined the nite by ‘being a pussie.’

It seemed like the rave promoters ‘knew what they were doing’ since they rented a carnival ride.

a couple of my bros are starting a ‘party pic’ site. Really miss 2k7.5, back when there was a 1:1 ratio of ‘regular ppl’ to ‘nighlife photographers’ at every alt event.

Saw some AZN guy’s bulge.

Got sad when my friend ODed and we had to ‘dump her ass off’ on her parents doorstep even though she didn’t have a pulse.

‘I guess this is growing up.’

It honestly wasn’t my scene, but sometimes it is good to experience ‘lower class’ events. I feel more in touch with the SoCal Mexicalt demographic (even though I have an actual high school diploma and not a G.E.D.) It seems like a lot of authentic SoCal Mexicalts used to do ‘tons of farming’/'migrant working’, but it makes me happy to know that they have worked hard to give a better life to their 2nd and 3rd generation spawn.

I feel happy knowing that society is getting better and every1 is able to celebrate and be free.

Have u ever been 2 a rave? What are they like?
Is it an organic experience? What do drugs feel like?

Previous Rave Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/09/rave-or-die.html

Photos by the cobrasnakes
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/?p=3760 Photo by the cobrasnake

I remember when I was a kid, I watched a lot of TV. Not sure if they internet ‘really existed’ back then, possibly ‘just AOL.’ I had always thought that my childhood was special. I thought that me + my brother/sister had a more meaningful childhood than any1 else in the world. However, as I grew older, I found out that the people who lived around me generally had the same experience as me (they possibly had more lenient parents).

Back in the day, I feel like I ‘genuinely like things’, not really making an active personal branding decision. As a kid, u do things like ‘watch the popular shows on a popular channel’, and ‘listen to popular music on popular radio stations’ without really understanding ‘why.’ U get the opportunity 2 connect with other kids abt ‘watching the same shit’, and u can connect, and think ‘damn. we have a lot in common.’ Used to do stuff like ‘play’, but now u have to ‘pay money to have a unique experience.’ Sometimes u even have to go on stubhub/ebay/craigslist 2 pay above market rate for a unique experience.

Sad abt growing up, losing touch with my innerchild, experiencing things like ‘joy’ or smiling for a reason other than ‘laughing @ some1.’ Sad that most of my connxns are so inauthentic. Sad that I can’t enjoy things. Sad that whenever I ‘connect’ with some1, I just feel like a ‘nostalgic fggt.’ H8 when ppl connect abt things that they used 2 watch/listen 2. Wish there was some way to connect with ppl abt who we will become in the future.

Sad that my innerchild is ‘dead and gone, dead and gone.’

Srsly feel like the only thing that could have made my childhood better would have been ‘having the opportunity to listen to Animal Collective without even knowing what pitchfork/music blogs were.’ Feel like I would have really ‘enjoyed it’ in an organic way.

Please use the comments section of this post to connect with commenters abt what yall have in common from childhood, and how it constructed u in2 the person u r 2day.

Yall probably remember my American Idol liveblog, where I watched AmIddy for the first time. There was a character on the show named Adam Lambert who ’seemed kinda ghey’ but no1 was really sure. There were moments during the season where he did ‘really gay stuff’ but no1 was allowed to say he was gay or else he wouldn’t get a record contract and Middle Americans/Christians are the only ppl who ‘buy CDs’/’songs off iTunes’ today. Not sure if Adam Lambert is ‘a huge coward’ for not ‘coming out.’ Maybe he didn’t see the movie MILK so he doesn’t understand what homosexuals have gone through. I feel like young people take ‘the gift of homosexuality’ for granted, and don’t realize that we basically live in utopia.

Anyways, he ‘apparently came out’ and is now ‘officially ghey.’ Not sure if the bro in the picture is his ‘lover’ or if it is just a big fan of Am Idol. Can’t believe his BF is ‘an altbro.’

Do yall think that mainstream celebs should be forced to tell the world their sexualities? Or only the ghey ones? I wish that there was some sort of celebrity trading card where u could get the stats on a famous person. Or maybe homosexuals could wear some sort of ’scarlet letter’ like eye liner, or bootcut jeans, or some other trend that u see in ur local homosexual circuit. Feel like they ‘wouldn’t mind.’

I am not sure if ‘being ghey’ is something that ur born with, or if it is a choice u make, or if it is ‘bad parenting.’ Probably ‘a lil bit of everything.’ I have heard that there is a problem in high schools where teenagers are ‘being gay’ just to rebel against their parents. Even though the kidz aren’t ‘actually gay’ they see ‘being a homosexual’ as ‘being an individual.’ Tweens apparently see ‘being gay’ as some sort of decision that means ur ‘more committed to ur individuality’ than ‘just wearing a Fall Out Boy t-shirt.’ Feel weird that tweens who are ‘not actually ghey’ might be performing some ‘very intense sexual acts.’ Worried.

Wish either ‘every1 was ghey’ or ‘every1 was straight’ and we didn’t have to deal with these issues. It makes more sense for ppl to all be ’straight’ so that the ‘human race’ can ‘live on.’ Might start experimenting though.

Do yall know any1 who is a homosexual? What are they like? Are they ‘just like us’ or do you have to ‘treat them differently’? Share your stories in the comments.

Think my fave part is towards the end of the video where some sort of AZN man in suit starts removing bros from the stage. Miss the days of ‘crashing the stage’ with my friends after we got ‘hella buzzed.’

Think HRO might tour Asia. Seems like a place where people ‘relax’ and have a good time. Do yall think SteveBro is a good singer?

Can u find Steve Aoki?

Photos via thecobrasnake

Can u find the reddest-faced AZN?

Can u find the keut white girl in the sea of AZNs??

2AZNs1Beer

I miss dualcoreAZN memes.

Just want 2 go back 2 the days when I could wear a purple v-neck, a palestinny scarf, and neon wayfarers without ‘feeling ashamed.’

Photo via the cobrasnake

I remember the ‘glory days’ or HRO when ‘nothing mattered’ except for alternative n00ds, nip slips, and bloghouse mp3s. Feel like the ‘party’ has died, kind of like that time that disco died, and people said ‘disco sucks, yall.’ But then in 2k8, people started making disco again since the internet created enough niches for a disco tune to exist+be consumed.

But srsly yall… nip slips might still be better than ’seeing a whole tit’ because it leaves more 2 the imagination. like it is ‘boring’ when a girl puts out 2 fast, so u sort of need her to ‘hold out’ so you can get emotionally connected+obsessed with the eventual goal of ‘cumming on/in her.’ Then when it happens, u feel like life is meaningful, but eventually u ‘get tired of it’ and want some1 new.

Miss the search for the perfect alternative breasts.

Miss when altcelebs would ’show off their goods. Glad that the cobrabro is still willing to ‘be himself’ but wish more females would do the same.

Previous nipslip coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/nip-slips

Yall… the worst thing happened to me last nite. A popular DJ from Los Angeles came to a party in my local-suburban-based scene, and I got totally hammered. I had a lot of fun, but I don’t remember the tail end of the night. I woke up next to my bro, and I think we might have ‘done it.’ I hope we only tugged side-by-side. I have actually ‘J.O.ed’ right next to a bro while we watched porn one time. It was sweet, but maybe I am ‘bi.’

Maybe if u get drunk enough, there is not such thing as genders/sexes any more, and u can just love and connect with ppl based on who u r. I think what makes us all human is the fact that we all ‘just want 2 cum’ and keep our species alive. Even though we are part of a ’subculture’, we need to remember that we are just part of God’s Evolution.

Worried that I might have committed ‘altbro rape’, the alt version of the popular 300 year old meme ‘bro rape.’

I feel like me and my core group of bros really ‘get’ humor. Like we are seriously way funnier than any other group of bros on the planet. We are thinking of starting our own webComedy troupe, something similar to Andy Samberg’s Lonely Island. I feel like if we took our humor to the mainstream, there would be no stopping us. Looking 4ward 2 my future.

Have yall ever been attracted to 1 of ur bros?
When did yall discover u were ghey/bi?
Is ever1 a lil bit bi (especially after a few drinks)?

1 of life’s greatest mysteries is why AZN people ‘get red in the face’ after they ‘get sloshed.’ I don’t understand why that happens after they ‘get melvined.’ I don’t think that this bro is ‘hammered’, I think he just used fake tanner, but I’m just trying to make the point that AZNs get red after they ‘get johnsoned.’ Just feel like ‘getting justiced’ tonight.

I feel like it’s already enough 2 be disoriented after ur ‘fucking gone’, but it must be weird to also be red-faced after ur ‘chrisfarleyed.’ Feel ghey when people talk about ‘getting crunk’ or ‘getting retarded.’ Wish they called it something like ‘getting bellig(erent)’ or ‘getting fucked.’

Does n e 1 know a good/modern term for ‘getting drunk’?
Might start just substituting in the name of my fave alt celeb/ironic celeb. Like ‘I got really AliceGlassed’ or maybe ‘I got really TomHanksed.’

‘I got fucking pitchforked last nite, yall’ or maybe ‘I came last nite.’
What r u doing 2nite?
Does some1 have a scientific explanation for AZNs getting red in the face? Feel like it might be some sort of ‘natural selection’ type of thing.

Photo by thecobrasnake

What would u do if u met James Murphy?????
a) shake his hand, and make a statement that proves u r ‘a true fan’
b) make a joke that involves a lyric of a popular LCD Soundsystem song–’bro. just wanna be some1 great and not North American scum with all my friends daft punk is gonna play at my house.’
c) take out ur iPhone/shittie digicam and ask to take a picture with him
d) ask him to sign ur iPod
e) tell him that he means a lot 2 the history of electro, modern disco, and transcendental-bloghouse
f) hand him the demo from ur band so that u can get signed 2 DFA
g) write down ur band’s myspace page
h) try to ‘pick him up’ kinda like that 1 SNL skit where Ben Stiller ‘picks up’ Glen Frey as played by Will Ferrell
i) tell him that ur in film school, and tell him that u made a short film using some of his music, and encourage him 2 search 4 it on youtube
j) Tell him that u connected with the song ‘New York I love u, but ur bringing me down’ and it inspired u to move away from NYC
k) Ask him if he has heard ‘Justice’
l) Ask him if he wants to chill, cuz u know a place with good authentic Mexican food/late night snacks
m) Just try to be a bro
n) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Sometimes I wonder how 2 handle myself in front of people who are incredibly relevant. Do they exist in the same world as we do? I feel very ‘normal’ and I think the world would be different if I had made some huge contribution to alternative society.

Do u think part of being a ‘modern fan’ means feeling entitled to broship with ur alternative role models? Feel like I can really connect with my fave artists and personalities these days, especially bc of twitter. Just feel s00 close 2 famous ppl now.

I have always felt out of place in public high school. Just too many people. Too many regular people. And the people who ‘look alternative’ don’t even ‘get’ what being alternative is about. Too many poors and coloureds who are from the apartment complexes that they recently built in my district

I went to a private school for a while thinking things would be better, and I think people are just too rich to be alt. Sort of like Mary Kate and Ashers. I also h8 wearing uniforms. I just want a place where I can be me. I want a place where people know what I am talking about. Tired of people pretending that Gossip Girl is authentic. Tired of meeting other people my age who listen to buzzbands from 2 years ago and tween rock.

In the fall, I will be attending the School for the Authenticification of the Young Alts of Upstate New York. Basically, it is a school that takes in alternative kids with potential, and teaches them how to take their alternative existences to the next level. The school is meant to prepare kidz for the rigorous social demands of high level alternative scenes. It is a battle for survival.

The posted picture shows the first graduating class on their senior trip. The majority of senior year is spent traveling across the globe, visiting every relevant city on this planet. In order to become an authentic alt, you must travel, and see people in their natural element. This is how you build your personal brand and personal fashion. This is how you learn 2 <3 life.

Here are a few of the aspects that make me excited about going to this high school:

• Weekend shuttle so kids don’t drive drunk
• Teaches u about important stuff like bloghouse and technology
• Gives you 4 hours per day on campus to browse the internet and read blogs
• Sponsored by a vodka company
• Freegan meals
• Vending machines with alt beverages on campus (Sparks, PBR, Belvedere)
• Class that teaches you how to start a party pic site, from buying a DSLR to how to upload pix to the web
• Teachers are from yesteryear’s indie buzz bands and some people who threw some sweet parties back when ‘the scene’ was just forming
• Strategies on thrifting / getting good deals at retail stores
• Dealing with ur mainstream past
• No mainstream events like prom, student council, or athletics
• What u should look for in a soulmate.
• Reading progressive books, magazines, blogs, and zines.
• There are no ‘grades’

What do u think I should demand in my curriculum?
Do yall go to high school? Do you think this is a good idea?
Do u think it will help me get into a good college/ivy league / art school?
Should I go to a school for the arts/technology?
What will help me become the person I want to be?
What was ur high school experience like?

All I ever wanted to do was look like the beautiful people in the pictures on the internet. [via Crystal Castalt]