Cobrasnake | Hipster Runoff

Cobrasnake

Seen n e bloggable altbros lately?


[Photo via thecobrasnake]
I remember in 2k8, every other post was about 'altbros' or whatever that ghey blog calls them. It's kinda weird how altbros are dying due to a multitude of factors:

  • the death of electro
  • the death of neon
  • the rise of AnCo
  • the rise of conceptual-core music
  • realizing that their personal brand will ensure that they die alone/tugless
  • altbros getting older and having to 'more responsibilities'
  • altbros getting older and finding a new gimmick
  • Am Appy hoodie branding getting to be 'too entry level'
  • excessive facial hair takes away their boyish look

I'm rlly gonna miss altbros, yall. Do yall have any good altbro memories? Like when I murdered an altbro. Or the homeless altbro. Or when I started turning from altbro 2 altbag. Or childpred altbro. Or the altbro watching a DJ with a hypemachine tshirt on. Or the oldest altbro alive. Or the Obama+Altbro combo. Or the hardxcore altbro. Or altbro=love. or that altbro chillin at a music festival. Or that jokerAltBro. or the LID altbros. or mstrkrft altbro. Or hornie altbro. Or the forgettable altbros. or SkirtBro. Or invisiAltBro. Or altbro who wants 2 be a DJ. Or the 2headed altbro. Or 2 altbro thumbs up.

Or The Essence of AltBro.

Does n e 1 else miss 2k8 and 'the altbro aesthetic'?

"Where have all the altbros gone?" - Paula Cole

"miss yall!" - Indians & savages when the 'white man' killed the buffalos 4 fun

More alternative bro coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/alternative-bros

The Future of Electro & the Modern Music Festival

I want to be an altCeleb
and interact
with the worlds most beautiful
people [via 'v.i.p.' at a music festival]

</embed>

Sometimes I wonder if music festivals are a 'viable business model.' It seems like every part of the world has a series of memorable music festival which attempt to mix a lineup of Today's Stars with The Buzzworthy Bands of Tomorrow. It seems like it would be a lil bit tough to coordinate a music festival. Most bands probably don't deserve 2 get paid at a music festival, unless ur Coldplay or Jack Johnson or something. Not sure what the most expensive part of organizing a music festival is.

But yea, in 2k8, we saw a lot of new music festivals popup & a few smaller scale ones 'try to put themselves on the map.' I don't think 2k9 will be a good year for festivals because of 'the economy.' Yall should know that when 'the economy' is 'in' the 'shitter', there is less money to pay for 'luxury products.' Luxury products include:

  • bands that think they 'deserve more money to play ur festival' because they have an inaccurate perception of 'how big they are'
  • gas money for altbros to go on a roadtrip 'to the city'
  • meaningful band t-shirts
  • 3 day festival passes
  • V.I.P. festival passes
  • a zany wardrobe 2 wear 2 a music festival
  • other items that alts use to 'stay hydrated/entertained' at a music festival
  • Starbucks Coffee

I'm just sayin, yall. There's less money than ever, and it's so hard 2 'find sponsors.' I was trying to plan a music festival in Chicago for this week, but I couldn't get any sponsors because of 'the economy.' Sux 4 me, but maybe after Obama 'saves us', he will save the modern music festival. Not sure if 'electro' is gonna be as big of a draw as it was for the past 2 years. AnCo will probs be 'the most electro' band on most festival lineups in 2k10.

Until our economy is saved, most music festivals will occur in Australia or Asia. Coachella might be in Singapore this year, and Pitchfork Festival might be in Sydney. They just have a better market 4 'entertainment' right now since Americans have 2 spend money on bread and milk.

Get used 2 it yall. Things r changing.

miss u woodstock99 [via fred durst and the korns]

What do u know about organizing music festivals?
What can we do 2 save music festivals?
Do u have any innovative business ideas besides 'legalized altProstitution'?

Should I 'be a blogger' and 'start a pregnancy rumor'?


[photo via thecobrasnake]
Yalll. It's good 2 see that M.I.A. is retired, but 'still likes to chill pretty hard with Los Angeles' biggest alternative celebrities.' One day, I hope to get pregnant, but still be able to chill hard and watch hulu/vimeo/youtube videos on my Macbook. Don't want to sacrifice 'my daily internet routine' to take care of a child. Guess that means I am 'still just a kid' and probz not ready 4 responsibilities. Just wanna chill with my fave DJs and 'get my party on [via pouring grey goose in my mouf].'

It's kinda weird how we're all 'growing up' and assuming more responsibilities. One day, I will be a father. One day I will be a grown up. One day, I will not drink/'do drugs.' One day I will own my own alternative business that contributes to society and the economy.

Being a parent must be challenging, yall.

"So I guess this is growing up."
-the Blink 182s

"Someday, Someday."
- the Strokes Bros

"I am jealous of M.I.A.'s baby because he will be brought into a post-Obama world, and he will not get to experience the pain and suffering that I have gone through."
-Carles

M.I.A.

Buzzband, Alternative Celebrity

M.I.A. is known for thinking that the American government is out 2 get her.

Read more>>>>

The Cobrasnake

Alternative Celebrity

Mark Hunter is the Cobrasnake, some bro who travels around the world taking pictures of alt shit so now he has a lifestyle brand.

Read more>>>>

ACID BRO


[photo by Cobraacidsnake]
I am thinking about dedicating 2k9 to 'going sober except 4 LSD.' I think 2k9 will be the perfect year to experience while 'tripping' just because there are going to be so many changes, and the year will be so conceptual. It will be weird 2 experience 'sober.' I want to free my mind, and sit in a room with a few of my closest altbros while watching movies and listening to Animal Collective/Justice/Sigur Ros/Boards of Canada/Sonic Youth/Jack Johnson on my Walkman.

My Personal Brand Is LSD.
My Personal Brand wants to let the world know about my heightened sense of awareness.
Once I have travelled to Acidville, I will return to 'normal life' with a new perspective. Things do not matter. Our brain is just a mass of tissue, making zany connections and 'perceiving' the world. Once we take a drug that 'messes with our perception of the world', nothing else matters. Life will be easier. I will not be afraid to die, because I know 'life' is just what my brain tells me it is. (Have yall seen the movie THE MATRIX?)

I prefer drugs that I believe make me 'more in touch' with the arts. Whether it is music, film, or even just 'google image searches', I want drugs that give me a new lens with which 2 view the world. I want drugs that make me see like I've never seen before.

But srsly... do yall know what 'acid' feels like? Is it like being drunk x 100? Is it like 'smoking a doobie' x 5 ? Is it like doing blow x 2? Is it like robo tripping * 0.5?

Just trying to 'get free'/'liberated'/transcend 'life according to mainstreamers.'

Just a question, yall. This is not a blog post/hi-level commentary.


[Photo by thecobrasnake]
Yall. sorry. This is just a question that I have if n e 1 can help it would be super appreciated. I just wanted 2 know what the term is for 1 white bro who chills with a group of AZNs. Does n e 1 know?

I know there's already oreos & tuggles of AZNs. Just wondering if there is a term that utilizes 'yellow' + 'white' kinda like how oreo uses 'black'+'white'+'dessert treat.'

Not much left 2 blog about in 2k8. Kinda glad 2k9 is coming up. Hope we have more answers in 2k9?

Hope I can be a lil bit more tolerant and racially aware in 2k9.
Kinda scared of the 'blipster backlash' resurfacing.
Are yall good at making up racial terms based on generalizations + stereotypes that are 'a healthy mix of offensive yet funnie'?

thnx,
crls

PS: This is for my marketing thesis.

Children of the Street

I know most of yall don't care about my Sirius playlists, so I will start experimenting with a posting method 2 keep from isolating yall. [via Poem + Playlist]

[Photo by thecobrasnake]
We are the children of the street
The cool air lifts our spirits
It is almost winter again
This means cardigan weather.

When I walked out the door
my parents gave me a look
confusion
shame
resentment

I will channel these into my art
I will take my personal brand to the next level
I will prove that there is a reason that I am the way that I am
This bro is me.

Do not smile at the camera
This ruins our collective brand
Gaze
(in2 the distance)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX /////
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX \\\\\\
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX |||||||||

HIPSTER RUNOFF RADIO ON SIRIUS XMU

The HIPSTER RUNOFF radio show airs Mondays at noon and again at midnight EST on Sirius XMU. Iff you’re an XM subscriber, you can listen to Blog Radio on channel 43, and Sirius subscribers can still find us on channel 26. If u really want 2 hear Carles Show, u can get a 3 day trial membership.

  • Broken Social Scene - 7/4 (Shoreline)
  • Junior Senior - Headphone Song [link to vintage post]
  • Cut Copy - Out There on Ice
  • Gil Mantera's Party Dream - Elmo's Wish
  • Digitalism - Pogo (Shinichi Osawa Remix)
  • Glass Candy - Etheric Device
  • The Golden Filter - Solid Gold [MP3]
  • Friendly Fires - I'm Good, I'm Gone (Lykke Li cover)
  • Klaxons - As Above, So Below (Justice Remix)
  • Phoenix - Holdin' on Together
  • Ladyhawke - Back of the Van
  • Metronomy - A Thing For Me (Breakbot Remix) [MP3]
  • Starfucker - Florida [[LIVE performances/Portland commentary]
  • Lali Puna - Faking the Books
  • The Twelves - I Feel Fine [MP3]
  • Phoenix - Too Young
  • The Whitest Boy Alive - Golden Cage (Fred Falke Remix)
  • LCD Sound System - Someone Great
  • Josh Rouse - Christmas with Jesus
  • Sufjan Stevens - Star of Wonder
  • The Notwist - This Room
  • The Kings of Convenience - Stay Out of Trouble
  • Kleerup - Until We Bleed (feat. Lykke Li)
  • We Have Band - Oh!
  • Vince Guaraldi Trio - Christmas Time is Here
  • The Cardinals - My Heart is Broken

Have yall heard n e 'relevant' music lately?
I heard there is no new music in December because people don't want to be left off prematurely published 'Best of 2k8' lists/forgotten about in 'best of 2k9' lists.

Transitioning from AltBro to Altbag


[Photo by cobrasnake]
There is a space which exists between altbro and altbag. Your altbro tendencies are prevalent, but you begin to implement the mature personal branding tools of an altbag.

You have ditched your altbro cap.
You have grown out your altbag nappy beard.
You only wear the Am Appy shirts that represent 'a new era' in ur life, as opposed 2 ur neon past.
You finally turned 20, and can drink a premium beer. (The death of SPARKS means a 20% decline in altbro.)
You started 2 give yourself 'do-it-urself' haircuts instead of going to Supercuts.
Your zany glasses are somewhere between altbro empty framed glasses and altbag certified child predator glasses.
You are comfortable being a lone soul at a meaningful concert. You have no desire to be photographed with your arm around a group of bros.

2k9 is the beginning of the end of the altbro. It's not just because 'a trend is dying'--it also has to do with 'growing up' and wanting to take ur existence/personal brand to a whole new level.

Miss u altbros.
Do u think altbros are ending because they found out about HIPSTER RUNOFF and 'don't want 2 be like every other altbro'? Hope my traffic doesn't suffer in 2k9, yall!

Dear Sparks, Miss U: A Eulogy By HIPSTER RUNOFF


Today, my email inbox crashed. Hundreds of people emailed me with terrible, horrible news. My inbox didn't 'crash' in a traditional sense. I just don't think any thing or any one was built to handle news that your whole life is being taken away from you.

Sparks is dead, yall.

'The government' says that Sparks markets its drinks to tweens and kids. They say that Sparks doesn't make it clear that it is an alcoholic beverage. They say that Sparks is bad for society.

This is all a lie.
My alternative life was fueled by Sparks.
I am good for society.

Sparks has been involved in and sponsored some of the best moments of my life. Private parties where the alcohol was free, meaningful nights with my best friends, and post-ironic celebrations. Whether I realize it or not, Sparks is one of the most important alt brands in the history of the world. Mexicans got 'beer with lime.' Black people got 'Petron.' White people got the new kind of alcoholic drink called 'wine.' But alternative people had a drink of our own. Created for our alternative lifestyle. It had caffeine to keep us going, and it also had alcohol 2 'let our spirits free.'

The energy+alcoholic drink gave me the ability to 'live forever+live life to the fullest' every night.

Sometimes in college whenever I was sleepy and I had a big final presentation due the next day, I would drink a couple Sparkses to stay up all night. Even though my tongue turned orange when I had to give the presentation, it was worth it. I got an A in my Intro to Architecture Class. I eventually had to take a few semesters off to 'sort some personal life stuff out', but still. That night MEANT something, and it was me, and it was Sparksbro.

I'll never forget the time I blogged about product placement on party pix sites. Sparks was there, looking to appeal 2 us. Looking 2 get blurbed about on buzz blogs.

It is also important to remember that we CANNOT forget what Sparks has done to employ people who have no skills other than 'putting phallic objects into their body.' Not every1 can wear a sexie outfit AND have a strong personality that matches the personality of the brand.

Sparks was more than just a drink. It was truly a BRAND. It was more than 'just another product.' When I think of Sparks, I think of a lifestyle. I think of good times. I can honestly not think of another beverage with a brand stronger than SPARKS. After a night of Sparks, I could not fall asleep. My heart felt like it wanted to burst of out my chest. My tongue would be orange the next day. Another memory of the previous night--I would look in the mirror, stick out my tongue and smile.

miss u, Sparks.
h8 u government.
<3 u the past.

So what next? I do not know. Will PBR be around forever? Or is there some sort of 'witch hunt' to end all products which are for the alternative population? Will iTunes get shut down? Will the governments band Am Appy from advertising on the internet? Will Apple be bought out by Dell?

I do not know what is in the future. But I am worried. The new regime does not like what we stand for. They want to end us. The want to destroy our way of life. The Electro Wars are upon us. I am scared, but I am ready to fight for what I believe in.

Who do you hold responsible for the death of Sparks? This is an easy question to answer. Barrack Obama is who we can hold responsible. He promised change. He brought it. The wrong change. Does n e 1 remember ur username + password for vote.gov--need 2 go back and change my vote to Palin.

The important question is will be HOW CAN WE REPLACE SPARKS?
When the Goverments banned alcohol in the past since it was 'the source of society's problems,' other entrepreneurs decided to take matters into their own hands. They created liquor, often called MOONSHINE to sell in the 'underground economy.'

Should HIPSTER RUNOFF open an online shop where you can buy stuff like blow, Sparks moonshine, salvia, and other moderately illegal goods? (might also sell t-shirts).

You are probably saying to yourself, "Carles. I am not a blog. I am one person. What Can I Do?"

You can't be afraid, and you can't let this ruin your life. Nights will still be meaningful. Electro music will not die (yet). You will still bond with your friends. You can still drink redbull/rockstare + vodka.

Will things be different? A little bit, but embrace it. Try to find something new. It will be hard, but try it. Call your friends. Tell them the bad news. Talk with them. Talk about your memories with Sparks. Laugh. Cry. Bond. Sparks was not yours. Sparks was ours.

Get together your most self-aware group of friends. Go to a local grocery store/super store/corner store, and buy all of the Sparks that you can find. Have a meaningful, post-post-ironic party in the name of Sparks. Create a facebook event for it, and make every one wear orange or blue. Take pictures. Remember that last night of Sparks forever.

Save one can. Hide it somewhere--this is now your forbidden fruit. In the next few years, something will go wrong or you will feel down. Treat yourself to the sweet nectar that is Sparks.

Think of the past. Smile.
Things used to be simple.
You used to be Sparks.

(miss u)

This is the beginning of the end. Prepare for the worst.

Honestly. I would give anything for one more SPARKS vomit.

[Photo by cobrasnake]


Please share your personal SPARKS stories in the comments. Where were you when you had your first Sparks? What was your first sexual experience like with an orange tongue? Where were you when you found out that they killed SPARKS? Send in your pictures of your Final Sparks party. We're all in this together. This is a process of mourning.

Have Child Predators Discovered a New Gimmick?


If I were a mainstream media journalist, I would turn this post into a puff piece that tells ppl how our society is falling apart. I would show this Man with Child Predator Glasses pouring vodka into the moufz of concert-goers, and try to point fingers at who could have possibly taught him this? Who is setting an example within our society that lets child predators have their way with God's children?

We can't just let every1 pour vodka in the moufs of every1.
There are laws within our society. The legal drinking age is 25 for a reason.
There are facebooks/social networking sites for child predators 4 a reason.
As an alternative population, we must do more to show that we are a good example for society as a whole. Please embrace the social responsibility of being a member of the alternative population.

h8 child preds
Hopefully Barry Obama finally starts doing stuff instead of sitting on his ass and smoking ciggs/going 2 Washington D.C. 'tittie barz'/'laser tag arenas.'

XX BONUS GRABFEST SCENARIO XX
Can I ask u a personal question?

[Photos by thecobrasnk]
If u were at an alternative event, and u looked in2 the sky, and saw a former 'it girl' appear above you, would u
a) pass her along, becoming one with the crowd
b) have a lil grab
c) protect her from other altbros trying 2 have a lil grab at her, hoping that she would notice you and let u have a legitimate grab at the end of the night
d) ask her for career advice
e) take a picture with your iPhone
f) take a picture with your dSLR
g) try to make a vlog with her
h) ask her on a meaningful date with the line 'I am not an alternative celebrity--but I do know what love is.'
i) ask her 'WTF is a meme?'
j) wait 4 Agyness
k) wait 4 Uffie
l) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Previous GrabFests
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/grabfest-2k8.html

The Ugly Christmas Sweater: The Official Alt Clothing Item of Winter 2k9?


I know we're all trying to look our best throughout the entire year--ur personal brand is important. We're trying to differentiate from the mainstream pack. Winter is a time where we see the alternative population utilize the same items every year. Pea Coats, hoodies, cardigans, other alt stuff that provides warmth and covers your sleeves without compromising your personal brand. While Cosby sweaters are kinda popular, I think we're gonna see more UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATERS than usual this year.


Does n e 1 know if 'we' stole the concept of the ugly Christmas sweater from the mainstreamers? Don't they have parties that they invite all of their facebook friends to with 'Ugly Christmas sweater' themes?
Do yall have n e lonely aunts without kids who would be willing 2 give me some of her old clothing that I could wear/start an eBay store with?

XX BONUS IMPORTANT QUESTION XX

Is this an Ugly Christmas sweater of just an ugly sweater? Or something that M.I.A. would 'design'?

[TheCobrasnake Photography]
What are yall gonna wear this winter 2 keep warm?
Have yall heard of 'scarves'? Saw them in a maggyzine.

The State of the Electro Economy


Sometimes I wonder how various alternative economies are related to the mainstream Wall Street Finance Home Lending Credit Card Economy. I worry that if the mainstream economy is doing poorly, then it will trickle down and affect the Electro Economy/Tugjob economy/Blogconomy/other alternative economies. Or sometimes u kinda get the feeling that the Alt Economy does well when the Mainstream economy is doing poorly.

I was worried abt the DJ economy and the Grey Goose economy bc I read a bunch of stories about the Lower Middle Class economy being in trouble. But I think everything's gonna be okay, yall.
Not s0 scared abt 2k9.

The AZN Economy is okay.

The Mexi economy will be okay.

The Party Photographer economy will be alright. Do

The Blip economy will be alright. Do not panic.

The 'lil fggt' newsie hat + pluggg economy will be alright. Do not sell your stocks.

[photos by thecobrasnake]

Still a lil bit worried about 2k9....
Does n e 1 know where I can take my Macbook 2 make sure that it is Y2K9 compliant?

P0st M0re Entry Level Alt jailbait


Haikus about Entry Level Alts

entry level alt
Wish I could go back in time
and make u muxtape

entry level alt
Wish I could go back in time
and buy u t-shirts

entry level alt
Want u 2 always b young
Remind me of me

Entry level alt
Why aren't u impressed by me?
U prefer altbags.

Let's go 2 Parsons
Design Stuff That Looks real kewl
Move into kuet loft

U wear ur mom jeans
But u will nvr grow up
Entry Lev = Yout

XX BONUS GIRL WHO JUST FOUND OUT SHE WAS ADOPTED XX


My parents got divorced, but I could nvr handle 'finding out I was adopted.' Just want ppl 2 like me + be honest with me. Would h8 finding out that my youth wasn't as authentic/special as I interpreted it 2 b.

Is n e 1 who reads this bl0g adopted, and did it mold u in2 who u r 2day?

[Photos by The Cobrasnake]

The Oldest AltBro Alive


What happens when an altBro grows up?
If yall are familiar with high end AltBro theory, then u will know that altBros are typically destined to die alone. AltBros can either 'stay alt' their whole lives since they can't hold down GFs bc no altBro is special enough for any girl to 'settle down with' for more than consecutive weekends for two months.

An AltBro's alternative essence can live as long as he wants, but he will be alone (spiritually and physically) for over 95% of his lifetime. (The few moments of tug may give him enough hope to want to stay alt forever). His wardrobe might stay the same, or it might tweak into an 'alternative business casual + receding hairline', but the altBro will die alone.

An altBro will never become a Cool Dad without ditching his careless altBro mindset. An altBro is not willing to sacrifice his hard earned money to buy essentials for his son/daughter. He is also not mature enough to

If an altBro hasn't transitioned into an altBag by age 27 (or his 6th year of undergrad), then he needs to seriously consider retiring his alternative ways and searching for meaning [via mainstream relationship]. If you're a worried altBro, just enjoy your time, but know that there are critical decisions ahead of you. Know that you need to differentiate before it's too late.

[Photo by TheBrobrasnake]

I am just an altBro. I am not ready for a relationship. I am not ready for responsibility.
I am ready for the weekend. I am ready for my favourite blog 2 update.

[photo by thefriendattack]

Read more altbro theory
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/alternative-bros

Should I get a tattoo that proves my life is more meaningful than every1 else's?

"Sum ppl nvr g0 krayzee. What truly hrrible lives they must live."
-Charles "Searching for Meaning" Bukowski (duet with Xtina Aguilera)

I have a unique lifestyle that most people can't understand. I live in a world of people who don't 'get' me. Throughout the years, I have identified a few ways to let people know who I am with a lil bit of an 'eff U!' tone.

This tattoo is an open letter to those people who aren't in constant pursuit of a more meaningful life. This is a tattoo for old people to read, making them wish they still had their whole lives' ahead of them. This is a tattoo to my mom, my dad, my uncle who served in Vietnam, and every one else who doesn't understand the essence of my generation. They do not understand what I am a part of, and that this tattoo is about something bigger than myself.

Sometimes, an act of expression is bigger than just 'self-expression.' It's a random act of kindness for all of humanity. Don't get a tattoo to look cool and start convo. Get a tattoo because it means something.

///Last Night a Tattoo Explained My Life ////

Should I get a tatty of my fave band?

[Photo via Flickr]

Should I get Barry Obama's [LEAKED] inauguration speach tattooed on my chest?

Previous Chest Tatty coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/t/chest-tattoo

ObamaAlt + AltBro


I wish I could chill with Barry Obama.
I could tell him what we should do to make our country more authentic.
I have a dream...
I have a dream that one day alts and mainstreamers will walk 2gether under 1 flag.
This flag will be an alternative, minimalisty designed flag under the Altnited States of Altmerica.
If Barry was my altBro, I'd teach him about my life. I'd tell him about palestinian scarves, child predator glasses, and even what Sparks feels like.

I love you, Barry. My world is a better place with you in it. One day, we will write a song together.
It will be an epic meaningful banger, with a bunch of samples (kinda like a Crystal Castles song).

</embed>

I am gonna miss meaningful celebrity pupu platters, yall. :-(
Feel like the meme economy is in crisis.

Barry Obama: The New Justice?

[Photo by The Cobrasnakey]

THE BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUMES OF 2K8

s000 tired of Halloween. It's like I've been blggng abt it 4 the past blog-decade. Just wanted 2 find authentic costumes.

not even sure if i'll dress up nxt year. this year took a lot out of me. Not evn sure who I am n e m0re. sux. kinda let down. nite didn't go as I had planned/envision. h8 it when things fall thru.


HIPSTER RUNOFF's BEST ALTERNATIVE COSTUMES of 2008.


PRESENTED BY CARLES OF THE HIPSTER RANOFFS

The Justices

Girl With a 3rd Nipple on her back

FGGT Indian from the Village People

S0 FUCKING DISC0 BR0

AltWayne and AltGarth

HeartsRevolution PaintedMask Ninja Turtle

JokerAltMainstreamer Pack

////KEEP READING///
////FOR MORE GREAT////
////HALLOWEEN KOSTUMES!////

I'm lil and I smoke weed, yall!

[Photo by TheCobraSnake]

I think aligning your personal brand with marijuana is always a bold choice. It is an illegal product that is often associated with 'the underworld + underachievers', so any1 who wears indicators of 'being a bro who chills on weed' is a truly free spirit who does not care about society's 'rulez and regulationz'. Being a lil bro in a 'metaphorical graphic tee' indicates that u have a lot of swagger (aka 'swag') kinda like Vern Troyer.

Lil People can do the same stuff that 'regular people' can do. Smoking weed, tugging off to internet p0rn, or even 'going 2 clubz and bein on party pic sites then looking at urself the next day and finding life to be a lil bit more meaningful.'

Is 'smoking dope' authentic? Or is it an 'entry level' gateway drug towards a mainstream alternative lifestyle? Or is it for people who 'can't handle the real world' and 'aren't creative enough to do anything other than watch movies/eat/go to concerts because they think they appreciate music'? Or is marijuana kinda like 'giving urself a morning tugjob'--it's just not a big deal.


Is marijuana too 'entry level' 4 u?
Do u get blazed and read HRO?
What is it like 2 get 'lifted'?
Remember the first time ur parents found 'ur stash' and u thought it was the end of ur life cuz weed is so illegal?
R u gonna move 2 Canada where they legalized PCP?
Does 'grass' make u 'more intellectual'?
How do u feel about mainstreamBros who morf into weedBros and have 'bromantically meaningful conversations about life' 2gether then go to Taco Bell/Wendy's Late Nite?
Have u ever listened to Bob Marley or just kinda heard his personal brand talked about a lot because he sang vague songs about 'freedom', 'peace' and 'enjoying life'? (a model implemented by Dave Matthews)

My Favourite Cobrasnake albums

My favourite cobrasnake foto albums are the ones where he goes to an entry-level alt tween party. Even though there's no alcohol, every1 still manages to get 'buzzed on life.' Even if the party is simple, the night is memorable because it was captured through the eyes of the CobraBro. There is no price u could pay 2 get his interpretation of an alternative event.

Wish my free-spirited mom had the money/altConnections to get the Cobrasnake to 'cover' my 4th birthday party at McDonalds. All we got to do was stack empty Big Mac containers. :-(

Future altBros of America. (need to raise their sneaker budgets by 200% if they wanna take their personal brans to the next level.

<3 post-intentional American Appy branding <3

(Hope they learned about AmAppy from this blog's advertisements.)

What was ur best birthday party?
Was it at a local pizzeria with a bunch of 'video games'?
Do u wish ur parents had hired a popular partypicBro?
Do u wish they were able to hire Stephen Aoksmith to DJ?
R u still angry that they only invested in disposable cameras for their fotography budget?

(miss u) (h8 digital cameras)

View the album here
http://www.thecobrasnake.com/partyphotos/dancebattle/index.html

Previous Super Sweet 15 cobrasnake album
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/01/supersweet-15-cobrasnake-edition.html

The Cobrasnake

Alternative Celebrity

Mark Hunter is the Cobrasnake, some bro who travels around the world taking pictures of alt shit so now he has a lifestyle brand.

Read more>>>>

Memoirs from an ElectroPrison


I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought I would become a prisoner of war in one of the first battles of the ElectroWar--the Battle of the Grey Goose River. We were part of an American contingent that allied with the European Electro Coalition (who had rallied around the French after a group of Australis assassinated the Daft Punks).

My name is Stephen. Not my birthname, but my Americanized stage name. This is my story.

Life in the electroPrisonCamp was difficult. We were given one meal a day, which consisted of a SXSWSTRN eggroll and an 8 oz mini can of Bud Light. We were tortured every day. They forced us to give up secrets, particularly about the technology we used to make bangers, and what popular beat matching software existed in our part of the world. They also demanded to know how we 'learned how to make filters that sounded eggzackly like Daft Punk's.'

We quickly learned that the Australian ElectroJihaadists were planning a terrorist attack on a weekly party in Tulsa, Oklahoma. There was no way of letting them know that the worst was yet to come [via hiptop/sent from my iPhone/sent from my AT&T wireless device]. They confiscated our mobile devices and laptops, which were sent to labs to extract data from.

I'll never forget the my best friends in Prison. There was a set of masked DJs and an electroDiva who was prone to nipslips. We did our best to make it from day to day, being held in underwater cages. We were even forced to play Russian roulette against one another. One time one of them died. Was kinda sad, but was kinda happy that it wasn't me.

N e ways, years after the War ended, we were released from the Prison Camp. The people who ran the prison camp were actually not affiliated with the Australian ElectroForces, and just kept their prison camp alive to maintain some form of 'control' over their lives' and others. Kinda sad, but what any trivial ElectroProducer would probably do.

Now we are left 2 find out who we are in a p0st-electroWar world. I am a veteran now. I question the whole direction of my life, and wonder how the horrors of war have changed my outlook on life. I will make a movie about adjusting to post-ElectroWar Life starring Tom Cruise as me.

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(I am also in a wheel chair and will grow a CrazyDisgruntledVeteranBeard and become an anti-Electro Music Activist).

[Prison photo by The Prison Photo Snake]

XX BONUS PICTURE XX
Here is how the photo will look after it is run through an aging filter to make it look more authentic/'representative of pain & suffering that is associated with old photos from War.'

Do Authentic Alts Eat Zany F00d?

[Note: This Picture was taken in a Government Lab where they are beta testing 'human fuel' a.k.a. 'food' for electro war foot soldiers.]

[Photo by the cobrasnake]

A lot of mainstream magazines have branded Alts to consume beverages like Sparks, PBR, and even 'drinking a lot of wine ever since I studied abroad.' However, no1 really knows what alternative people eat. Do yall eat junk food but 'somehow maintain ur amazing figure'?

Or do u only eat healthy, gluten-free food that u purchased a post-gentrified farmer's market?  Or do u just shop at Whole Foods?  Or are you a 'Chili's Vegan'?  Or do u eat McDonnie's breakfast?  Do u only eat CLIF BARS/ Pepperidge Farm products / Doritos / Sun Chips / post-ironic foreign foods / SNCKRS bars?

Or do u and ur BF just do a lot of meth?

</embed>

Is Meth ruining yalls local suburban community? Should I use HRO 2.0 advertising money 2 start a meth lab?  What's the difference between meth and coke?  What do 'drugs' feel like?

SRSLY THOUGH....what's yalls diet like?

Would U Bite The Hand That FEADZ?


Have yall heard of a popular DJ who pours Grey Goose into the moufs of his adoring fans?

Don't rlly feel like blogging, so I'll just re-use the text from a nearly identical post from May 3:

Steve Aoki is a giver of life (when it comes 2 partying), willing to give any underaged alternative partier a suckle from his Grey Goose/Absolut/Finlandia filled teet.
The Party starts and stops in accordance with Aoki's will to party. His custom-distilled vodka is similar to the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ's step-cousin who was known around Bethlehem as an 'alternative bro who was always willing to have a good time.'
We all want to be the bro being fed by Aoki, not the bro next to the bro being fed, frantically begging for the opportunity to 'find out what alcohol tastes like 4 the 1st time.'

Are yall okay with me starting to be 100% open about recycling gimmicks to the extreme? I might start reusing old posts 2 see how many of yall are even authentic HRO fans. Have u been there since [THE BEGINNING]?

<3 blipster entrepreneurs with DSLRs & turbans/ electroAuntJemimaheadwraps <3

[Photos by Thecobrasnake]
DOES N E 1 KNOW WHEN STEVE AOKI IS GOING TO COME OUT WITH A NEW MIXTAPE ALBUM SO THAT THERE WILL FINALLY BE SOMETHING FOR PITCHFORK/HRO TO BLOG ABOUT? :-(

Is it authentic/alt to go 2 a MSTRKRFT concert with a Jason Mask?

Yall. I know that the Masterkrafters' official logo is a gold JASON MASK, but I was wondering if u prove that u are a true fan by going 2 their concert with a white Jason Mask.

[Photo by whoopthis]

I remember when I went to a DeathCab concert wearing a Postal Service shirt.  Or when I went to an Animal Collective concert wearing a Panda Bear shirt.  Or the time that I went to a Matchbox 20 concert wearing a Santana (ft Rob Thomas) shirt.  Or the time I went to Bruce Springsteen Concert and wore a Max Weinberg and the Max Weinberg 7 shirt.  
Or the time I went to a Blink 182 concert and wore a _____ shirt.

If some1 hosted a 'Former AltBros Convention' in 2k50, who do u think would play? MSTRKRFT? Jousteece? The Sindens?   Miscellaneous under-branded electro producer?
Have u ever had 'altbrophobia' when u r in an open area with an alarmingly high altBro ratio?

*******

XX BONUS PIC OF SOME1 WHO HAS NO WILL 2 LIVE XX


Is the Cobrasnake going mainstream/getting uninvited 2 'alt' parties? Or is this the future of altdom?

IF THERE'S 1 THING THAT I CAN PROMISE U, IT'S THAT WE WILL CONTINUE TO EXPLORE PEOPLE WHO HAVE COMPLETELY LOST THEIR WILL 2 LIVE.

The AltBag


[Photo by thecobrasnake]
A lot of people ask me if alternative males can be anything other than the traditional alternative bro (also commonly referred to as the altBro). There is a genre of alternative men who can be more douchebaggy than bro-ish. Instead of seeking the camraderie/tugs that altbros want, altBags are driven by money/status/altFame/other alternative ideals. AltBags no longer pride themselves in receiving the tugjobs of entrylevel alt girls who they accidentally end up in a 6-12 month relationship with. Altbags usually shape their personal brand around 'being taken seriously' as opposed to focusing on the pursuit of authenticity.

AltBags can usually leave their altBro status behind when they pursue 'a better life' (on various levels) and/or try to become an alternative entreprenuer, capitalizing off their local/global scenes. Most of the world's most successful alternative entrepreneurs have ascended into AltBag status. Whether they are a designer, DJ, AZN DJ, party pic taker, or altWebMagazineBlog founder-- the altBag personality type is sometimes necessary to have a mentally-tough personal brand to withstand the trials and tribulations of being a public figure. On the flipside, some altBags are solitary alts, with no circle of friends beyond His altDiva GF.

However, most altBags are not successful. Most altBags are the post-AltBros in your local scene who are very difficult to take seriously, even though they appear to be taking themselves very seriously. Usually, they dress like an alternative version of the Jonas Brothers, utilizing an array of plaid, fancy/vintagey jackets, and avoidance of anything that looks 'too American Apparelly.' They spend money on higher end clothes and/or take time to find [HIGHLY THRIFTED] clothes.

AltBags are more than just AltBros.

[Photo by thecobrasnake]

AltBags take themselves 100% seriously. Their personal brands will last forever. They are generally between ages 24-30, since it takes a certain level of maturity to be an AltBag. You must be at a point where you were kind of forced into taking your alternative existence seriously.

[photo by Lastnitesparty]

AltBags sometimes manage to find an aloof altDiva. They are both relatively disconnected from modern trends, but still manage to have an intimidating presence on their FB/Myspace profiles & in person.

[Photo by Lastnightspary]

AltBros could transition their personal brands back to being relatively mainstream. However, altBags are ALT4LIFE. This AltBag Blipster is Alt4Life. His personal brand is set 4 life.

[Photo by thecobrasnake]

Being an ALTBAG is not always an insult. Some of the world's most successful alternative entrepreneurs can be classified as altBags. Mark "Cobrasnake" Hunter is a good example of how altBags are either 0% zany, or 100% authentic zany. AltBags cannot be contrived-zany-core.

[Photo by the selby]

There are numerous altBags featured in this video. The various AltBags in this video include a party pic bro, a promoter, and various DJs/musicians. These altBags are truly passionate about their scene. AltBags can sometimes have self-important concepts of their place in alternative society, which makes it difficult for the socially conscious to take them seriously.

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Another great video example of an AltBag is the guy named JUAN from the Pitchfork.TV series "Juan's Basement." Basically, bands come to play in this bro's basement, and he acts how you would expect an altBag to act if a buzzworthy band came to hang out. He establishes an authentic connection with the band, making it clear to observers that he is truly 'down' with the band by joking with them/being the bro who 'is interested in them like no1 else is bc he is a true fan AND true friend.'

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[video may not be viewable in ur RSS reader]
<3 busting balls <3

Do u know any altBags in your local scene? Have you ever encountered an alternative celebrity who acted like the biggest altBag? Are altBags driven to make money off alternative markets, without always 'getting' the alt zeitgeist? However, some of the most successful altBag entrepreneurs accidentally stumble into an 'ironic niche' where they took themselves so seriously that it was impossible to believe that they were being serious, creating a portal in which their brand was fun to follow/make fun of (a.k.a. BUZZWORTHY). Do u have any important qualifications to add to the definition of ALTBAG?
////Welcome to the altBag era!////

RAVE or DIE

Does any one else feel like RAVES are 'authentic music festivals'? I feel like 'music festivals' should really just become drug-fueled parties where people dress in zany costumes and entrylevel alts attempt to find meaning by listening to music/dancing/'trying drugs 4 the first tyme.'

Instead of getting 'sponsorship' from companies who are trying to reach ALTS, raves start on a grassroots level, kind of like Democratic Presidential Candidates.

Just thought I'd 'cover a rave' to bring more value 2 my blog since a lot of other music blogs cover music festivals a lot.

All photos by theAvironSnake.

/////RAVE/////
///OR////////
/DIE////////

Raves are a home for postAlts who live in purgatory. Much like myspace is a place for friends, raves are a place for zany accessories.

Yall...whats that thingie in his mouf?

Is this picture of SoMe the equivalent of seeing a sex tape with a political leader? <3 scandals <3

Kreepster of the nite///he got the most drug-fueled tuggles.

Ravers are so innovative that they have found a new way to make HEART with their fingers/hands.

'We told our parents that we were going to see The Dark Knight.'

'I shouldn't have eaten Taco Bell b4 I did ecstasy.'

Ravers are like the beta version of Modern Japanese people.

Ravers carry backpacks full of ________.

Did yall hear that _______ is gonna hire this thing as a backup dancer? He's a blessing for the alternative Economy. He is visiting from hell, after breaking through the crust of the Earth in the middle of France.

Raving is an equal opportunity experience.

My favourite ravers are the baby AZNs

What suicide girls will look like in 2k20.

You will see an altBro at every event you attend for the rest of ur life.

//part of the altBro Never dies /////

Have yall been 2 any authentic raves lately?
How do yall feel about raves?
What's the difference between an AUTHENTIC raver, and an 'alt dressed like a raver', and a 'mainstreamer dressed like a raver'?
What do drugs feel like?

Alternative Philanthrophy:

Yall remember the time I blggd abt that cobrasnake guy who made t-shirts in order to give money to Africans? I thought it was some sort of pyramid scheme 4 him to raise money for his AlternativeInterests, but it seems like he actually did go to Affryca!

Do yall wish u could start a site that is popular with alts & mainstreamAlts in order to get money to give to Africans? I wish I could buy/adopt some African kids. I hear they are only like a dollar a day. Sounds like a good deal, but u know, that adds up if they live to be over 18.

Every child on this planet should have the opportunity to wear a pair of Crocs. Crocs aren't just for Americans, or white people, or rich people, or poor-Americans-being-helped-by-Rich-Americans. We should all be able to wear our favourite pair of Crocs 365.25 days per year.

There comes a time when every entity with a 'public voice' has to use their voice 4 good. I'm not sure what cause I'm going to rally around, but it will probably be something tangible/meaningful in my 'personal life.'

I'm more worried about American problems than global problems. Stuff like 'traffic', 'information overload', 'slow internet connections', and 'establishing healthy relationships with my parents who don't 'get' me.' Maybe even depression. If I only had to read blogs my whole life instead of books, I probably wouldn't even know what 'Africa' is.

Did u know that over 25% of Americans still use dial-up internet? We're basically a 3rd world nation, yall :-(
Things will get better. I promise. Should I get an iPhone or a blackberry or wait for the gPhone?

More Africa Facebook Photo Album style Pixxx
http://thecobrasnake.com/partyphotos/saveafrica/index.html

Mark Hunter: The Alternative Bill Gates?
Mark Hunter: The AltGandhiLama?

xx BONUS PILE OF CROCS xx

Mainstream Vs. Alt Quiz


Having an IN RAINBOWS poster above ur bed is
a) mainstream
b) alt
c) mnstrmlt
d) maltstream
e) FGGT-core
f) xx goth xx stream x
g) he's probz gonna start a party pic site in 2012
h) a poster of 'Kid A' would be more authentic
i) He probz made a radiohead rmx for marketing purposes
j) entry level scene
k) entry level hipster circa 2002
l) he's probz friends with Thommy Yorke
m) he could only earn my respect if he was covering a Che Guevara poster with his IN RAINBOWS poster
n) Remember Radiohead? Weren't they an 'internet meme' in 2007/2008?
o) this poster is something a recently-divorced 'cool dad' would invest in to authentically connect with his entry-level-entry-level 11 year old future alt
p) Choose.Your.Own.Response

[The Selbie]

The Proud Grin of An Entry-Level Alt


I haven't ever really taken the time to tell yall what a true 'entry level alt' is. I feel like this picture of keut girls who are ecstatic about the prospect of changing their user pic to a picture that was on the cobrasnake makes them rlly happy.

On this evening, they became the people that they are usually looking at. They are stars.

While they still have a few mainstream tendencies, opportunities like 'being on a party pic site' or 'seeing a really good concert' makes them think seriously about a 100% conversion to alternative lyfe.

Entry Level Alts are between the ages of 11-120. They recently discovered their inherent affinity towards:

  • indie film
  • indie music
  • indie indie
  • electro
  • American Appy
  • reading blogs
  • the concept of 'party photography'
  • respecting authenticity
  • neon
  • pastels
  • earth tones
  • primary colors
  • secondary colors
  • headbands
  • blog haus
  • indie house
  • house indie
  • French lo-fi-nu-wave
  • accidentally being into Iron and Wine
  • buying music off iTunes
  • thinking stuff that was buzzworthy 2 years ago is buzzworthy today (like the Girl Talk album "Night Ripper")


There is also a rule that 'the closer you are to Girl Talk at a concert' the more likely you are to be classified as an entry level alt who is actively seeking out his/her 1st meaningful alternative experience. If your 'first alternative experience' is meaningful enough, then you spend the rest of your life trying to re-create what it meant to experience something meaningful. (Sometimes, all you need is to get buzzed with a group of your closest friends. Entry-Level alts are often in the 'learning how 2 experiment' phase.)

Entry Level Alts are full of hope. They believe in the future. They believe in a better world. They are the reason why we are fighting in the electro war--because one day, things will be better. One day, we'll all be as excited as entry-level alts are.

One day, we will all hear what they hear when they listen to Cut Copy's "In Ghost Colours." While I appreciate the album, I don't hear what they hear. My heart is dark. My neon blood is fading.

Life is worth living. We are living in a unique time. No1 has ever/will ever again experience what we have. Our generation will never die. Marketers will target us forever.

True or False:

There is a little bit of entry-level alt inside of all of us.

Product Placement on Party Pix Sites (Sparks Edition)

I wonder if these Sparks Girls are in the standard uniform for a Popular Extreme Sport in the Year 2020?

Remember there was that brand of 'pretty girls' in high school who got railed by almost every member of a sports team? Remember when she graduated, and went to a community college, and convinced herself that she was a real student obtaining a real degree in business/marketing/communications? Remember when she graduated, and got hired by an Alcoholic beverage company because the 30 year old guy who hired her made promises of 'eventually working her way up the corporate ladder' but told her she might 'have to do some field work' and made sure she was comfortable wearing something 'a little bit sexy'? Remember when you ran into this girl from your high school when she was 'working at an local community cultural event/the opening of a local restaurant/a popular night at a local club'?

But srsly, she loves 'interacting with people' and 'the opportunity to get a little bit buzzed while she works.' If you rlly think about it, isn't that what we all TRULY want in our dream job?

[Photo by The cobrasnake]

SRSLY though, what's with the genre of 'hot' local girls who convince themselves that they have a legitimate career because they work in the 'Public Relations/Promotions' department for BUD LIGHT (they don't have benefits)?

N E WAYS... I gotta get back to searching for a marketing/design/promotions internship with a 'record label that doesn't make any profits'/'a sports drink/health product/alcoholic beverage that alts consume'.

Indicators of a Successful Alternative Yard Sale


When your alternative yard sale attracts a mob of alternative shoppers who become one with the displayed merchandise, you know you have a successful alt-yard-sale. In this picture, I can't tell if all of these t-shirts, sunglasses, and hoodies are still for sale, or if people are 'trying them on' or if they are mannequins, or if they are all interns for alternative enterprises.

"I am drowning in a sea of doodled-upon merchandise."
-a tween from California who asked his/her mom for $80 to buy a kute t-shirt at a yard sale

[yardsale coverage by Cobrasnk]

XXX ****** XXX

BONUS YARDSALE COVERAGE

featuring everything u love about HRO:
Alt-celebs, ice cream trucks, faggy electro remixes, underaged hottiez, Uffie being kute, a deaf Steve Aoki and hundreds of other krazie stuff that makes people hate blog&partiepix-era alties!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SUpiCkPIhM&hl=en]
<3 <3 <3 <3 What's ur fave part?
This vid makes me feel alive again.

The best DJs in the world are willing to POUR DRANK IN2 MY MOUF


Steve Aoki is a giver of life (when it comes 2 partying), willing to give any underaged alternative partier a suckle from his Grey Goose/Absolut/Finlandia filled teet.

The Party starts and stops in accordance with Aoki's will to party. His custom-distilled vodka is similar to the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ's step-cousin who was known around Bethlehem as an 'alternative bro who was always willing to have a good time.'

We all want to be the bro being fed by Aoki, not the bro next to the bro being fed, frantically begging for the opportunity to 'find out what alcohol tastes like 4 the 1st time.'

[Photo by The Cobrasnake]

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