cocaine | Hipster Runoff


PBR & A Pile of Blow: 2 Bros Who Will Never Let Me Down

Photo by sharkvsbear

Just looking for bros who will never let me down
h8 humans, they are only looking out 4 themselves
no 1 can really be there for you all the time
I learned the hard way (my dad walked out on us)

So hard to trust
just want to escape
2 another world where there are no problems
where life is a party
and u feel like u never want to fall asleep
because something meaningful might happen
after the after party
when the sun begins to rise

I want to chill out with a PBR
a chill ass beer
cheap and tasty
like a lil cheeseburgy at McDonalds

but then I want to 'get amped up'
without the use of an energy drink
(too much sugar)
but would settle for a different white powder

a huge pile of blow
2 snort in my nose
it will travel up a pipe to my brain
and let my body know 'it is time 2 party'
and 'don't stop partying'
and 'u r the ultimate bro, living the ultimate life: a party.'

Cocaine saved / ruined my life
People told me I 'changed' and 'had problems'
and I 'only cared abt partying.'

They just didn't understand
that I had found the ultimate bros
I was in alt heaven
with a pile of blow
and a PBR

Blow will never die
PBR will never die
Bros will die
I want something that can be there for me forever.

Just wanna be 'the alt Scarface'
and live on 4ever
in the format of posters
in college dorm room
[via say hello to my lil friend, yall]

Do u have bros who will never let u down?
Are humans flawed?
Do u ever feel alone, like every1 will let u down?
Do u ever feel like u can only trust brands and drugs?
Just wanna escape from the 'human condish'...

What is the functional use of the perfect alternative breasts?

Photo by Domestic Fine Arts

I have been searching for the perfect alternative breasts for the past several years. Wondering what size would be perfect in an alternative kind of way, and what body type would be the perfect frame for alt breasts. But part of me wonders 'what I would do' if I finally had a pair of them in my mouth/hands. Would I be able to 'perform' sexually? Just feel scared that once 'game day rolled around', I wouldn't really have a game plan.  Feeling like an electro era altbro the first time he convinced an entrylevel headband-wearing kute lil slut to 'go home with him' for the first time.

Part of me wonders if breasts are called 'fun bags' because you are supposed to take out your stress on them. Not sure if abusing women is still 'chill' in the post-Chris Brown world, but it seems like this pair of breasts 'really took a beating.' Bruises can help your alternative brand, because it makes you seem more intriguing as an alternative female. U sorta want 2 'get 2 know' about the troubled soul behind these breasts, and reverse-nurse/caress her back 2 health [via ice pack].

Wonder if the collarbone broke or anything more severe happened to bruise these sweet 'bags of love.'  Possibly something both emotionally and physically scarring.  Maybe something alt, like 'she was in an Aoki+Pashy Pit moshpit full of rabid 16 year olds.'  Could even be something mainstream like 'her family just went on vacay to Aspen and she fell a lot during ski lessons.'

Just need 2 know what 2 do with myself in case I ever actually encounter the perfect alternative breasts.

Maybe breasts are just a sweet surface from which to inhale lines of cocaine.

I am not sure if the ternative era is going to be about tits, ass, or blow. It might be about the popular alternative drug meow meow. Ultimately feeling lost in the ternative era. Floating around aimlessly in the blogosphere as tons of indie memes and newsbits fly every where.

Wish I had a teet 2 lay my head down upon.
Do u still feel 'hornie'/aroused by sexual + drug content, or do you just want to load some mp3s into your iPod?
Do bruises 'turn u on' [via rough sex]?
Does cocaine 'get u more effed up' if you snort it off a breast/vagina/relevant CD jewel case?
Should I 'do blow off my iPad nano'?

Will the iPad make the macbook/iPhone irrelevant?
Should I invest in Vintage Dell desktops?
If u had access to a pair of perfect alternative breasts, what would u do with them?

Previous Kute Alt Girls with Bruises

Does n e 1 know what is happening in this picture? Think it is cocaine.

Photo by DomesticFineArts

Yall. Feeling confused. Not exactly sure what that white powder is in this picture. I have a key that I keep in my backpack to unlock the door with after school, but have never applied some sort of powder to it.

What is happening in that picture?
a) doing a key bump of coke
b) partying
c) getting 'retarded'
d) bad life decisions
e) using ur student loan/scholarship on drugs
f) trying 2 take ur partying existence 2 the next level.
g) having a lock that will only open with some sort of magic powder
h) something about 'weed'
i) party in the Midwest where people are addicted 2 meth
j) backstage in an altCeleb dressing room
k) battling depression with crushed up lexapro/xanny
l) worried about the underground economy/Obama's broken promises abt not legalizing drugs
m) terrorist mailing some1 anthrax
n) some1 committing suicide with white powder that kills u
o) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Have yall ever done cocaine?
What does it 'feel like'?

Previous drug coverage
[acid][marijuana][poppers][blow off iphone]

Not sure which iPhone App I should download.

Just traded in my Razr for an iPhone. My 2 year plan finally expired. My parents wouldn't let me break out 'family plan' contract since I used up all of our minutes + text messages + data.

N e ways...Been trying to research iPhone applications 2 download.

APP #1: Mad Decent App
Saw this DJ app by the popular subsidiary of Down Town Records, MAD DECENT.
The popular DJ bro 'Diplo' smokes 'a blunt' and 'explains how the app works. I think it just takes zany sounds that they sample, and allows you to make 'sick beats.'


I think this is how Diplo produced the popular song 'Paper Planes (ft M.I.A.)". He basically just took tons of zany sounds and 'made them big.' Think this might be a new electro model for the startup myspace DJ duo that me and my bro are starting out. I think they call it 'the Mario Paint Musical Composer' style of producing beats.


Wish Nintendo would turn this in2 some sort of 'iPhone app'/sell it for the Wii/Nintendo DS.

APP #2: Cocaine App
I also saw this really kewl iPhone application that allows me to do blow off my iPhone. Not sure if the cocaine is real, or if the app lets me network with local drug dealers to 'get the best price' on a kilo.


Can't believe my dream finally came true. [see previous memorable post]

I heard that in our modern world, bands no longer need to 'make albums/songs.' All they really need to do is create iPhone apps. Scared that we will only need iPhones/iPods to run applications/musical programs in the future. Think the future of the computer is 'somewhere between lappy and iPhone gadget.'

Just want to build the perfect 'app' that is 'fun' AND 'useful', kind of like an iPhone.

Does n e 1 know what 'apps' is short for?
What kind of phone do yall have, and do u have any kewl apps/games on it like 'Snake'?

sent from my iPhone

What is the most authentic body part 2 do blow off of?

Photo by Domestic Fine Arts

In the past, I have blogged about doing 'cocaine'/'the blow' off different inanimate objects like iPhones. However, I have never rlly thought about what is the optimal body part off of which 2 do blow. Just wanna 'get rlly fucked up.'

Sometimes I wonder what I'm looking for in a friend/'bff.' A lot of ppl say that a true friend would 'suck the venom out of ur butt' if u were bitten by a poisonous snake. However, I don't think I will ever be in the desert, so I think my ultimate friend would let me 'do blow' off any part of their body.

Does n e 1 know n e thing abt 'chemistry' and if there is a way to create synergy with 'a drug' and the 'context in which u do a drug'?

I want to do blow off my BFF's ____________.
a) face
b) eye ball
c) tibia
d) femur
e) gall bladder
f) butt crack
g) nip
h) medulla oblongata
i) wrist
j) 'penis'
k) 'vagina'
l) bro bone
m) Adam's Apple
n) toe nail
o) 'small of ur back'
p) lips
q) 'breasts'
r) 'six pack'
s) 'bloody knuckles'
t) any body part with a tattoo on it
u) a deformity
v) I took an anatomy class in high school cuz I was too dumb 2 take chemistry/physics
w) Choose.Your.Own.Response

blogging from Chili's

Yall. i'm at chili's. i like it a lot. Should I stay here eating all day and bcome a 'rlly fat guy' who turns into an internet meme? My whoel goal in life is 2 bcome 'famous on the internet."

do u think some1 will still love me enough to marry me? Do u know if there is a trucking service that specializes in transporting fat people to and from gimmicky chain restaurants?

Just wanna get my grub on.

might bcome a fatBro for xmas. not sure. let me know if I should stay at Chili's.

Probably gonna order a couple of molten chocolate cakes and pour ranch dressing on them.

remember when s00 random quirky alts used to do Mike Myers/Jim Carey impressions?

'get in my belly' - quirkyAlt after seeing the Austin PowerMovie
when u sniff kokaine, does it go into your stomach? is that why it makes u skinny?

Should I be Joustice for Halloween?

[Image by thecobrasnake]

Should I be Justicing for Halloween, or should I be the AZN in the background who is depressed about the economy?

Or should I find some1 to be an Alternative Interracial Couple? [AltBro+AZN edition]

[Photo by Red Slurpeee]

PPL keep telling me that I need 2 b 'the zany guy from Empire of the Sun.' The trouble with that is that I don't even know which 1 is the zany 1 !!!!

Or should I go as "FGGT" from the movie Tokio Hotel: Dunston Checks In?

Halloween is basically 5 blog minutes away...
GIVE ME SOME GOOD IDEAS. (Doesn't help that I did blow off my white MacBook lappy earlier.)

Whitney Houston's daughter photographed doing coke! Be careful, bb!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Say it ain't so! Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown's daughter named "Bobbi Kristina Brown" has followed in their footsteps.

She was photographed doing cocaine (also known as coke). I used to be best friends with some one who did coke, and needless to say we are NOT friends any more because after my ex, I promised myself I would NOT enable any more addicts.

I know Bobby and Whitney do a lot of drugs, but u woulda hoped for a better life for their children. This is just WRONG and this blog CONDEMNS all drug usage. Fortunately Krissi is not as popular or famous as Miley Cyrus, so not too many kids will find out what drugs are.

Let's hope that Krissi Brown gets her act together. Personally, my mother and father both had addictions that they battled, but it was up to me to get the counseling I needed after I had a pain pill binge and diet pill in the late 1990s.

I really miss Whitney Houston... She was always 1 of my faves. Mariah Carey who?

#dontletthekidsintothedrugden, bb!

Group of drunk bitches vlog while pre-partying, claim to ‘Run L.A.’


Recently, a group of Los Angeles based girls vlogged while 'pre-partying' for what was probably a meaningful night out. They seem to be showcasing an alternative lifestyle which is built around partying, hitting up alt parties, and 'gettin yo mutha fuckin drank on, bitches!'

Highlights of the video are

  • when they claim to be whores
  • they claim to be drug dealers
  • they 'score' coke
  • they claim to pee on eachother at age 15
  • they claim to have been 'going to clubs' since 13
  • they claim to be sober, but plan to get drunker
  • some band wants to stay with them, but says they 'need a place to stay'
  • they claim to 'run L.A.'

Did this vlog inspire the LCD Soundsystem hit song "Drunk Girls"?
Do u know if these girls were 'underaged' drinkers?
Do u know if these are just free-spirited girls who are trying 2 find themselves?
Do u <3 or h8 girls like this?
Do u wish u had their lives'?
Have u ever vlogged while doing drugs?
Do yall call it 'pregaming' or 'pre-partying'?

Zooey Deschanel has stage fright + crazy coke eyes on Letterman


She & Him performed on Letterman, and it was a fascinating performance. I am not sure if they were meant to be a live band, or if they were just made to generate money. Zooey Deschanel seemed 'tense', like she was performing the song for the first time 'live.' It looks like she is 'nervous' but also 'trying to act natural', like she is 'having fun', but it was kinda awkward. I guess being a rock star is different from 'acting' because u have to be urself when ur in a band, rite? She keeps looking off into the distance. Wonder if she is visualizing something or some1.

It didn't seem as natural, or free spirited as her cotton commercial.


Did Zooey Deschanel have stagefright or crazy coke eyes?

Honestly feel more attracted to her than ever. I think maybe because this performance was theoretically a 'weird trainwreck', and I feel like most Hollywood starlets are most compelling when we watch them 'self-destruct.' Also thought that her dress was cute because it featured her rib cage / cute alt figure. I feel like I 'finally' feel attracted to her for authentic male reasons, instead of being a generic indie bro who finds her 'attractive' because she is a 'genuine talent'/'Renaissance Woman.'

Felt sad when they did a 20 second zoom in on her wedding ring, representing the omniscient presence of Ben Gibbard in all mainstream indie music.

Do u think She & Him is ready for the 'enormous pressure' of charting at #6?
Should Zooey Deschanel accept that she is beautiful & not be afraid?
Should she take 'private lessons' from Ben Gibbard abt how 2 be a rock star?
Should She & Him kick out the bro, and then market Zooey Deschanel as 'the new Feist'?

does n e 1 know if Zooey Deschanel is a natural blonde who coloured her hair brunette + got cute bangs to appeal to alternative audiences? Worried she is a mainstreamer who turned alt just to manipulate alt-leaning audiences. Watched her first interview on Letterman and got concerned.


What is Zooey Deschanel's real hair color?

Did She & Him 'tank' on Letterman?
Should they have debuted on Jimmy Fallon to 'warm up'?
Should Zooey Deschanel marry a Vampire Weekend bro next?
R u afraid of girls with crazy coke eyes, or r u turned on?

Lindsey Lohan spills a shitload of blow on her shoes.

Lindsey Lohan showed up somewhere and got photographed with a 'ton of white powder' spilled on her shoes. Wonder if this was some sort of photo opp that was 'staged' as an attempt to 'get the blogosphere / paparazzi talking.' Like she is 'transcending' pop culture by 'feeding us what we want' even though we 'totally don't know her.'

Do u think this white powder is
a) cocaine
b) blow
c) white pony
d) dust that fell out of a Dirt Devil
e) Fun Dip without dipping sticks
f) flour
g) baking soda
h) sugar
i) Splenda
j) Sweet N Low
l) Equal
m) powdered soy milk
n) ground human bone
o) meth
p) makeup powder
q) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Is Lindsey Lohan alt?
Is cocaine alt?
Will Lindsey Lohan die in 2k10?
Will her death be more like Corey Haim's or Michael Jackson's?

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