I just saw a picture of a teen/tween drinking a Starbucks product, and it really confused me. When I was a tween, I didn’t really know what coffee was. Sometimes I would see my parents drinking it, but then I would just ask the waiter for ‘a glass of orange juice’ or perhaps ‘a soda.’ Just kinda baffles me when I see ‘young ppl drinking coffee’ and think ‘why would they ever want 2 try coffee’?

It seems like the ‘Starbucks revolution’ really opened the doors for tweens and coffee. It seems like they branded ‘fun, sugary sweet drinks’ for ppl who didn’t ‘get’ coffee, or for ppl whose tastebuds weren’t developed enough for coffee. Seems like people will like anything that tastes ‘chocolatey’ or possibly ‘full of caramel.’ Not sure who teens are ‘trying to be’ by drinking coffee? Why don’t they embrace their youth and drink some thing like ‘Sunny Delight’, ‘gogurts’ or possibly ‘Snapple.’

Is the Gogurt design a ‘more innovative’ design than the iPod?

Feel like tweens want to do what ‘famous people do’ and also appear to be ‘grown ups’ when they don’t realize that they already have the attention of grownups since it is so easy to resent them 4 having their whole lives’ ahead of them.

Seems like tween girls think they can ’seem older’ by ‘acting like sluts’, ‘dressing like sluts’, ‘being lil cunt sluts’, and also drinking Starbucks coffee.

Not sure if parents realize how many calories some of those coffee drinks have in them. It could be a tween’s entire caloric intake 4 the day. Worried about teen nutrition since I took a Health class at the local community college.

This ‘frappy chino’ product seems ‘like a gimmick’, like they are trying to ‘rip off’ the popular drink called ‘the milkshake.’

Seriously feel like tweens might think Starbucks is ‘an ice cream shop.’

There is also the theory which proposed that teens think that Starbucks is a ‘chill place to have a study group’ or possibly work on a group project.

When I was in college, I would meet an AZN exchange student at Starbucks and copy his answers in exchange for ‘making him feel welcome in America’ by inviting him to a few parties. I feel like I did more for him than he did 4 me.

I’ll nvr forget the time I stayed up all nite to study for marketing. Such a hard class, yall! Avoid it at all costs.

Also seems like Starbucks might be a haven for Girls Nights Out, except for boring girls who aren’t sluts/don’t ‘go out’ to places to mate with bros.

Really don’t understand Starbucks. Recently read that it is ‘as popular as McDonalds’ or something, and I am still trying to figure out why they would be successful if they don’t sell hamburgers and lil nuggets. It seems like they have ‘tricked people’ into thinking that they are ‘classy’ and ’sophisticated’ by drinking coffee.

Not sure if it would be more authentic to go to a local coffee house, but most of the time they employ failed alternative ppl who don’t even know how to make coffee. It seems like Starbucks employees would have ‘more training’ or something, and probably employ people who think that they have a ‘real job.’

Remember when Subway told all of their employees that they were ’sandwich artists’ so they didn’t feel so crappy about their jobs?

Seems like Starbucks employees think that they have ‘a real job’ bc they have ‘benefits’ and because they are making a ‘gourmet product.’ Wonder if they are right. Might get a job there when I am done with my communications degree.

Just honestly don’t believe that a kid/tween/teen would ever naturally ‘try’ coffee, unless their abusive father made them drink it to see them suffer. Honestly don’t believe young ppl’s tastebuds are stimulated by the bitterness of coffee. Seriously think they should stick to ’sugary, corn syrup based drinks.’

How do u feel when u see tweens drinking coffee?
Have u ever been forced 2 go to starbucks for a ’study group’?
Is Starbucks ‘corporate bullshit’?
Is Sbucks the ‘perfect chain’?
What does coffee taste like?
What does beer taste like?
What is the most entry-level coffee drink order?
What is the most authentic thing I can order in a coffee shop?

ugh. g2g. my internship director needs some starbucks.

do u drink coffee? is starbucks ‘mnstrm’?
Can some1 plz explain the Starbucks brand 2 me?

Please note that these videos are [HIGHLY RECCD], not only because you get to see John Norris’ never-ending-quest to be a lil alt, but because you want to understand what it’s like to participate in the revolution that is a geographically-contained creative renaissance.

Note: HIGHLY RECCT VIDEOS MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE IN YOUR RSS READER
************
Un-Earthed Location #1: A small American city called “Portland, Oregon.”

Did this video almost make your head explode, too? SRSLY. I rlllly hate Portland and any other ’second tier’ cities that claim to be culturally relevant by playing up the whole ‘alternative gimmick.’ There is an excess of shitty musicians who are Starbucks/Chili’s employees in every city, so I hate when a city’s personal brand revolves around ’sounding like they really mean it when they make their shitty music/attend their shitty, awkward concerts.’

I’d say Austin, TX is pretty good example of ’shitty city who is gimmickifying it’s underwhelmingly-alternative brand’, too. Most of the music in Austin, TX is more approachable indie fodder than the Portland concept crap, so I’ll give the edge to Portland when it comes to ‘moderately alt cities that major-city-alts-want-to-move-to-bc-they-think-their-life-will-be-simple, yet-authentic,yet-still-as-alt as they feel comfortable with.’ No matter what, we all need an alt-city full of alts to feel comfortable around without the high-cost-of-living that major metropolitan areas have. Don’t you feel like you have met a lot of people who have idealized Portland and Austin as ‘heaven on alt-earth’? Like they imagine settling down with a humble-&-emotionally-connected trophy alt who is done with his/her ‘partying phase’ and ready to start buying well-designed carriages for their newborn babies (lil alts).

Common traits of overhyped 2nd rate alternative cities:

• Perception of being ‘green’
• Perception of a bustling ‘local economy’
• A high ‘basically unemployment’ rate (this figure represents people who are over 30, but still have the jobs a 16 year old would have)
• An excess of corporate and independent coffee shops
• An excess of people with too many tattoos working in independent coffee shops
• An excess of coffee shop employees playing RLLY gimmicky ‘interesting’ music in coffee shops during their shifts/playing the albums of their friend’s band who sound exactly like _______
• Overhearing the ‘future plans’ of people who work in these coffee shops to start their own business in design/food/recordstore/boutique/other alternative biz idea.
• An excess of people in bands that have shows in an excess of venues
• An otherwise stable maintream economy which allows the alternative population to work in the service industry. While this usually happens in all cities, the minorities in the service industry are replaced by these aging alts.
• Overhearing all of these people talking about stuff that was cool between 2 to 40 years ago. They basically have a 2 year delay on ‘what is currently cool’ and usually just rely on ‘liking aesthetics/bands that are from before 1985.’
• A handful of decent bands, a few imitators, and a bunch of krappie bands that have tied their identity to their home city and guilt their friends into attending their show/post a lot of myspace bulletins to impressionable local-17-year olds.
• They attempt to assert their city-wide inferiority complexes by having excessive representation when it comes to liberal activities, particularly ‘marches.’ Examples include Gay Pride Marches, Anti-Racism Marches, Marches Against ‘The War’, and general Marches Against Stuff That Exists Because of Conservative People.
• These cities have significant populations of ‘cool dads’ and ‘free spirited moms’ by choice/believe in their personal images, as opposed to the real-city versions of these parents who are simply ‘participating in a gimmick which they have no control over.’
• A lot of these cities have a major university or a well-branded liberal arts school with a progressive identity which the ‘hip side of town’ feels like they need to cater to in order to keep up sales of vegan wraps, pizza-made-from-only-organic-ingredients, and interesting t-shirts.

N e ways. Do yall like these types of cities or what? Am I wrong? Should the Mayor of Portland ’show me around the alt side of town’ and then ‘take me on a tour of their business district’?

I think a lot of cities/hip communities within a city all have some of these traits. Did I miss n e traits?

[PLEASE NOTE: I DO LIKE STARFUCKER FROM PORTLAND, BUT I WILL STOP LIKING THEM WHEN PEOPLE START CALLING THEM 'THE NEXT MGMT' AND THEIR RCRD LABEL FORCES THEM TO CHANGE THEIR NAME. ]

[PLEASE NOTE: I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GONE THROUGH AN EXISTENTIAL PHASE WHERE I LISTENED TO A LOT OF THE MICROPHONES AND HAVE DECIDED TO NOT TAKE ANYTHING FROM PORTLAND SERIOUSLY IN ORDER TO FORGET THE PERSON WHO I USED TO THINK I WAS IN 2KNEVER.]

[PLEASE NOTE: I H8 95% OF THE PEOPLE I HAVE MET FROM PORTLAND. I THINK I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE WHO THINK WHERE THEY LIVE IS ANY MORE/LESS INTERESTING THAN N E WHERE ELSE.]

******
Unearthed Location #2: A country called France

Can some one please explain the differences between the bands JUS-TICE and JEW-STEESE? If they are going to use an American world, I think they should say it like a proud American. “Justice” was a concept invented in America, so it doesn’t matter how.

N e ways, this video is s00 true. Those Frenchies are stealing our culture and selling it back 2 us. SOME1 NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. Our American alternative celebrities are letting us down. Also, the American government should ban foreign artists from utilizing our memes and media from the past in order to make money off their art. America should probably ally with Australia in the ElectroWar.

Journalists need to stop focusing on geographic locations, and start realizing that
we all live on the Internet. There’s no such thing as a ‘city’ n e m0re, yall. We’re all citizens of Blogville/the blogosphere/the memesphere/the information super fagway.

In conclusion, we need America to unite as a nation to create popular alternative music. Carles is doing his best to help the United States by working hard on the HIPSTER RUNOFF debut EP.

HRO is sooo mainstream. I can’t believe I still blg abt all of these mainstream bands that are alllll over MTV.

I’m just searching for authentic authenticity. :-(

Please note that these videos are [HIGHLY RECCD], not only because you get to see John Norris’ never-ending-quest to be a lil alt, but because you want to understand what it’s like to participate in the revolution that is a geographically-contained creative renaissance.

Note: HIGHLY RECCT VIDEOS MAY NOT BE VIEWABLE IN YOUR RSS READER
************
Un-Earthed Location #1: A small American city called “Portland, Oregon.”

Did this video almost make your head explode, too? SRSLY. I rlllly hate Portland and any other ’second tier’ cities that claim to be culturally relevant by playing up the whole ‘alternative gimmick.’ There is an excess of shitty musicians who are Starbucks/Chili’s employees in every city, so I hate when a city’s personal brand revolves around ’sounding like they really mean it when they make their shitty music/attend their shitty, awkward concerts.’

I’d say Austin, TX is pretty good example of ’shitty city who is gimmickifying it’s underwhelmingly-alternative brand’, too. Most of the music in Austin, TX is more approachable indie fodder than the Portland concept crap, so I’ll give the edge to Portland when it comes to ‘moderately alt cities that major-city-alts-want-to-move-to-bc-they-think-their-life-will-be-simple, yet-authentic,yet-still-as-alt as they feel comfortable with.’ No matter what, we all need an alt-city full of alts to feel comfortable around without the high-cost-of-living that major metropolitan areas have. Don’t you feel like you have met a lot of people who have idealized Portland and Austin as ‘heaven on alt-earth’? Like they imagine settling down with a humble-&-emotionally-connected trophy alt who is done with his/her ‘partying phase’ and ready to start buying well-designed carriages for their newborn babies (lil alts).

Common traits of overhyped 2nd rate alternative cities:

• Perception of being ‘green’
• Perception of a bustling ‘local economy’
• A high ‘basically unemployment’ rate (this figure represents people who are over 30, but still have the jobs a 16 year old would have)
• An excess of corporate and independent coffee shops
• An excess of people with too many tattoos working in independent coffee shops
• An excess of coffee shop employees playing RLLY gimmicky ‘interesting’ music in coffee shops during their shifts/playing the albums of their friend’s band who sound exactly like _______
• Overhearing the ‘future plans’ of people who work in these coffee shops to start their own business in design/food/recordstore/boutique/other alternative biz idea.
• An excess of people in bands that have shows in an excess of venues
• An otherwise stable maintream economy which allows the alternative population to work in the service industry. While this usually happens in all cities, the minorities in the service industry are replaced by these aging alts.
• Overhearing all of these people talking about stuff that was cool between 2 to 40 years ago. They basically have a 2 year delay on ‘what is currently cool’ and usually just rely on ‘liking aesthetics/bands that are from before 1985.’
• A handful of decent bands, a few imitators, and a bunch of krappie bands that have tied their identity to their home city and guilt their friends into attending their show/post a lot of myspace bulletins to impressionable local-17-year olds.
• They attempt to assert their city-wide inferiority complexes by having excessive representation when it comes to liberal activities, particularly ‘marches.’ Examples include Gay Pride Marches, Anti-Racism Marches, Marches Against ‘The War’, and general Marches Against Stuff That Exists Because of Conservative People.
• These cities have significant populations of ‘cool dads’ and ‘free spirited moms’ by choice/believe in their personal images, as opposed to the real-city versions of these parents who are simply ‘participating in a gimmick which they have no control over.’
• A lot of these cities have a major university or a well-branded liberal arts school with a progressive identity which the ‘hip side of town’ feels like they need to cater to in order to keep up sales of vegan wraps, pizza-made-from-only-organic-ingredients, and interesting t-shirts.

N e ways. Do yall like these types of cities or what? Am I wrong? Should the Mayor of Portland ’show me around the alt side of town’ and then ‘take me on a tour of their business district’?

I think a lot of cities/hip communities within a city all have some of these traits. Did I miss n e traits?

[PLEASE NOTE: I DO LIKE STARFUCKER FROM PORTLAND, BUT I WILL STOP LIKING THEM WHEN PEOPLE START CALLING THEM 'THE NEXT MGMT' AND THEIR RCRD LABEL FORCES THEM TO CHANGE THEIR NAME. ]

[PLEASE NOTE: I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GONE THROUGH AN EXISTENTIAL PHASE WHERE I LISTENED TO A LOT OF THE MICROPHONES AND HAVE DECIDED TO NOT TAKE ANYTHING FROM PORTLAND SERIOUSLY IN ORDER TO FORGET THE PERSON WHO I USED TO THINK I WAS IN 2KNEVER.]

[PLEASE NOTE: I H8 95% OF THE PEOPLE I HAVE MET FROM PORTLAND. I THINK I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE WHO THINK WHERE THEY LIVE IS ANY MORE/LESS INTERESTING THAN N E WHERE ELSE.]

******
Unearthed Location #2: A country called France

Can some one please explain the differences between the bands JUS-TICE and JEW-STEESE? If they are going to use an American world, I think they should say it like a proud American. “Justice” was a concept invented in America, so it doesn’t matter how.

N e ways, this video is s00 true. Those Frenchies are stealing our culture and selling it back 2 us. SOME1 NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS. Our American alternative celebrities are letting us down. Also, the American government should ban foreign artists from utilizing our memes and media from the past in order to make money off their art. America should probably ally with Australia in the ElectroWar.

Journalists need to stop focusing on geographic locations, and start realizing that
we all live on the Internet. There’s no such thing as a ‘city’ n e m0re, yall. We’re all citizens of Blogville/the blogosphere/the memesphere/the information super fagway.

In conclusion, we need America to unite as a nation to create popular alternative music. Carles is doing his best to help the United States by working hard on the HIPSTER RUNOFF debut EP.

HRO is sooo mainstream. I can’t believe I still blg abt all of these mainstream bands that are alllll over MTV.

I’m just searching for authentic authenticity. :-(