HIPSTER RUNOFF

When I first entered college
I'll admit
I was an entry-level alt
Totally misguided
Because I was the alt-est person at my high school

I loved 'indie bands'
And I soon realized that they were mainstream
Srsly I liked some weird crap
Like totally weirdo alt bands
I thought 'all live music' was good
I thought u went to a concert to facilitate a meaningful experience

Oh The Meaningful Nights We Shared!

Then I went away to college in a relevant city
That had tons of relevant buzzbands that came thru town
I got involved at our indie radio station
And really learned what it was like 2 'get in2' music

I bought so many concert tickets
Sometimes I even got them 4 free when my friend interned at a local promotion company
Or when my friend interned as a bar back
Or when my friend interned as a social media strategist 4 a local venue

Oh The Meaningfulcore Moments We Witnessed In Our Local Scene!

Indie concerts became a place
2 begin our meaningful night
Getting so hammied
Singing along with our fave indie buzzbands
'Letting go' and dancing!
I finally learned what live indie music was all about

I was in touch with the spirit of indie
Feeling young, free
Like I had become the person I was destined 2 be
A relevant concert attendee

Oh the Buzzbands We Saw!

But here I sit
Listening 2 a lamestream commencement speaker
Wondering abt how my relationship with indie music will continue to evolve
How 'alt' will I get?

Will I 'go mainstream' and just be a mindie fan 4ever?
Or will I officially become a lost 20something?
Going back 2 my parents' house
Unemployed, spending all of my time listening 2 lofi buzzbands on buzzblogs?

I miss those days
When I was excited 2 go to a concert
I felt young, like maybe 1 day I'd be relevant
But here I am
Graduating from college
Wondering
Will I ever be relevant?
Will I ever be a global VIP?
Will I ever be more
than that person who go really drunk at concerts
and danced with my friends
and thought we were really special because we knew the words?

Oh no
I just realized
I am just a 'lifestyle alt'
Making consumer decisions 2 brand myself as 'alt'
Projecting a pseudo-alt lifestyle bc I didn't know who I was
Should I have just been a mainstreamer?
I wish I could go back to high school when I thought
my entire alt life was ahead of me

But now all I have
are a shitload of ticket stubs
and a college degree in a worthless major
What am I supposed 2 do now?

Oh the Concerts We Attended!

PREVIOUSLY

You, Me, and Every Concert We Attended: How We Grow Old With Concerts

Is your personal brand compromised when you attend a relevant alternative event with your partner?

Have you ever been 2 college? What was your college brand all about? Were you the ultimate college bro?

Sometimes I wonder if certain subcultures / genres of humans are a danger / threat 2 society. Like there is something ugly brewing inside of them, and eventually they will 'break free' and cause some sort of huge danger to other humans. At the very least, there will be tons of property damage, kinda like black people and the Los Angeles riots.

Going away to college seems like the ultimate opportunity to become a bro. Being away from parents. Eating at all-you-can-eat buffet style cafeterias. Getting 'shit faced' and experimenting with drugs. Living in a small room with some one who you love and hate at the same time. Having ultimate broments where you are 'nailing' a 'chick', and your bro is pleasuring himself from his bunk bed beneath you.

Being a college bro means 'fitting in' with a network of like-minded bros. But do you really get the love and affection that you need to remain happy? Does moving away from the parents you hate really 'free' you, or are you more 'trapped' than ever, forced to justify your life decisions? Does college prepare u for the real world, or does it cause people to slide into a surreal life where they stay in college for 6-10 years since they don't want to deal with society? Does it cause 20 year olds to go into too much debt since they are trying to 'perpetuate' a lifestyle for way 2 long.

Sort of just wish I could go to college, and have some sort of college bro convention. We would talk about modern issues that are relevant to the modern college bro, then have a 'sick rager' with tons of red cups. It would be kind of like a music festival held at an on-campus apartment complex.

Eventually, things would get out of hand, and we would throw all of our Scarface posters, campus-issued furnitures, and Dell Desktop computers into a massive bonfire. It would be sort of like a modern 'Animal House' except with more social commentary.

Eventually, I would emerge as the Lord of the Bros, giving a passionate speech while my skin roasted in the flames. College isn't about grades. It isn't about acquiring technical skills for a future job. It's about making meaningful connections with a series of bros. I didn't pay for a degree. I paid for an experience.

College Bros from all over the country would hear my voice, and use my advice to build a better network of college bros. We would be more than just bros getting drunk, sexting broads, and jerking off to internet porn. We would be a unified movement. We would start a facebook group, and our wall would be very active.

Even non-bros would be inspired, and work with us. They will stand up and declare, "Fuck society. This is our time. College can last forever if we want it to."

Eventually, the riot squad will be summoned, and society will try to 'hold us down.' The will be threatened by the College Bro utopia that we want to build.

Some of the bros will run and hide, scared that their parents will 'cut them off' if they go to jail. Some of us will fight. Some of us will fall. Taken down in a sea of red cups and crushed Keystone Light cans.

This bro is me. I have a dream. I had a dream. One day, America will remember me because the US Government will give every1 the 'day off' to celebrate me + my message of college bro equality.

I will beg and plead with them, yelling, 'Cmon bro' or even 'Not cool bro.' They simply don't understand me.

I am not looking for a girlfriend, but I want a girl who will fight for me. A girl who will 'please me in bed' but also 'stand up for me' in my time of need. Every college bro needs a fiery college skank who will drunkenly get arrested defending him.

We will go to jail. We will pay fines. It will be difficult for us to find jobs after college. But College Bro Day was worth it. Our cause. Our iconic images will live forever.

Are college bros a threat to society?
Is there some sort of untamed spirit inside of them that will lead to property damage?
Are college bros depressed on the inside?
Did you go to college and mature, or did you experience a version of the world that misrepresented post-college life, leaving u paralyzed an unable to assimilate into the real world?
Are college bros 'homosexually repressed', therefore 'violent'?
Did u live in a dorm or off campus?
Should America try to prevent the broification of college campuses, or is the process of broing down natural?
Have u ever been to a college party that 'got out of control'?
Did ur life fall apart in college?
Did u meet the best bros of ur life in college?
Should the US Government create more programs to prevent the broification of the American College & University System?

Rage, Rage
Against the Dying
of the bro

I got sad watching this meme because I will never have the opportunity to network with a group of fellow students to 'create something beautiful.' 'Don't get me wrong...' it was uplifting, but part of me gets 'insanely jealous' that these students still have their youth, and more importantly they 'still believe that they have a meaningful life ahead of themselves.' All of the people in this video believe that they will circumvent the challenges of entering the 'working class.'

Sometime I miss the college environment--it makes me sad to be a grown up and know that the 'best four years of my life' are behind me since I will never participate in a social experiment like 'college' ever again. U can have a meaningful college experience at any 4-year college that u attend, except if it is a 'commuter school' while u live with ur parents/a community college. University is the last time that you can really 'experiment' with ur personal brand while you are still technically a 'child' so you can still do 'zany stuff to get attention' without seeming like an ass hole who 'needs 2 grow the fuck up.' That's why it is important for parents to send their kids to college--not to learn a functional skill, but so that they will have 4 chill years where they got to exist in the last meaningful social context of their lives'. Sorta wish I could have been in this video so I could have sent it to my parents to 'let them know that I am happy, and having good, clean fun. Totes making the most of my college experience.'

It seems like we all just want to 'find ourselves' and 'find a core group of friends.' We all want to 'create something beautiful' and 'make the world smile. It's kinda weird how this 'viral video' managed to make the entire world happy. Kinda intense how the power of pop music enabled this group of university students to 'make something beautiful.' Sorta wish I had become more involved on my university campus instead of 'getting fired from my job as a College Radio Station DJ.' Feel like if I had gone to this University in the radical part of Canada (Quebec), then maybe I would have found more ppl like me to remind me that 'life is worth living.' I feel like I would have become involved if there was some sort of 'viral video makin club.'

Wish I could go back to college, get 'buzzed in a meaningful kind of way' with a group of people who are living the same life as u and who all still believe that they will 'go on to do great things.' There is still 'hope' in a college student. 50% of the people shown in this video believe that being a part of this video is a 'worthy of being included on their resume.' If I had the opportunity to star in this video, I wonder if I would have 'looked natural' or if I would be 'overwhelmed by the opportunity of viral internet fame' causing me to choke and miss my queue.

Just want to be part of a relevant meme that is 'remembered forever.'

I feel sad when I watch the news, and they have a segment where they 'report on internet memes.'
I wonder if being a newscaster is still a 'respectable profession.' It seems like 'stupid people who need a false sense of importance/fame' would want to be a newscaster. Feel sad for local news ppl and off-peak hour 24 hour news bros. I feel like they are trying to hard to be some sort of 'voice of humanity.'

I feel sad when my parents/aunt forward a viral video to you 2-56 weeks 'after it was relevant', and their sense of delight in the opportunity to share makes u feel ashamed of ur position on the front lines of modern internet culture. It makes me want to stop paying my youtube bill so that I won't watch so much web junk.

Feel sad when elaborate viral videos that were made for the 'spirit of togetherness' ultimately just drive iTunes sales.

Really bummed out. Seems like I am such a spectator and I am not doing anything to make more memes that inspire the world. Even if I made art/memes, it doesn't even matter since people would just watch them, link them, then forget about me. I want to make something that lasts forever. What if the internet stops working? Will books + film be 'back'? Just wish I could be in college again, making viral vids with the Communications Students and trying to 'find the right thing 2 say' to that girl who u thought was 'keut' in the video.

I gotta feelin
that 2 nites gonna be a meme
that 2nitez gonna be a meme
that 2nites gonna be a real good meem

Previous Uplifting Viral Meme that Ultimately Made Me Sad
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/07/white-people-must-go-to-extremes-to...

Photo via Lookbook

Going away 2 college.
s0 f*ckng scared.
I have become a pretty popular and respected bro
at my high school

But I will throw all of that away
and go to college at a prestigious university
located within an authentic city
not just the state school within 100 miles of my home town.

My mom will go college dorm room shopping
with me
at IKEA, the Container Store, and Target
and we will get into fights about our vision of the room
(Don't want it 2 look 'too dormy'
Want it 2 be an authentic space.'

I hope my dorm room is the popular room on my floor
and that my roommate evolves into the best bro of my life.
We will join relevant on-campus groups
and also integrate into our local community
really 'caring' about the issues within our collegetown/region
more than we care about global issues

Maybe we will organize protests against our university
and chill inside of the cafeteria
liveblogging and twittering the whole experience
until the mainstream police barges in with guns

Photo via NYU Local

Might even volunteer to wake up early
and paint some stuff
or build some houses
then 'party' with the people who I bonded with
as the sun hits our white skin

I will become a new person
in college
in my dorm room
lurking facebook for girls from my classes who
I can pin my hopes and dreams to

One day I will move off campus
and live in a chill ass apartment
that smells like marijuana and body odor
that has a mix of 'chill' and 'bad ass' parties
becoming a relevant location in the local scene
It has a 'bad ass' flat screen that my roommates' parents gave us.

Dirty bathrooms

Sometimes I will study
staying up all night
To do 'okay' on a test
and pass all of my classes
Proud of my 2.7-3.75 GPA because 'I put like nooo effort into it.'

We will 'party.'
We will be college students.
We will have fun.
We will find bros.
We will eat all of our meals on campus with
a relevant meal plan program

I will stay in college for _ years.

___________________
Do yall want 2 go 2 college?
Where do yall wanna go?
What do yall wanna learn?
R u in college?
What is/was ur fave part about being in college?

In an effort to be ur BFF, I like to answer questions from real HRO readers that embody what 'we can all relate 2.' My blog isn't just about posting keut people and BLOGGABLE music--it's about helping people try to find meaning.

QUESTIONS FROM READERS ANSWERED BY HRO BLOGGER "the CARLES"
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TrappedInSuburbia69 writes:

crls, all types of wayfarers, shuttershades, zany colored sunglasses, no-lens glasses are MNSTRM to extreme levels at my school... and i live in a rich people suburb.
there are people mixing hollister and colored wayfarers on a day to day basis.
i need your advice ryte now! i can't go back to school looking like one of them. tell me how i can seperate myself.

[Photo by the cobrasnake]

Carles says:
It's difficult to 'stand out' once all of 2k7s trends reach suburbia in 2k8. Just 'dare 2 be different.' Wear something that u don't even believe looks good/is cool. Make sure u keep listening to newer music than them. Don't tell them ur altWebsite content sources. Most kids in your position would 'stop bathing' so that their smell lets people know that u r way more committed to altdom than they are.

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DiabeteBros69 says:

I have type I diabetes from 2 much cereal. Type II is for fat mainstreamers.

Carles says:
Thanks for the info! I only know that Diabetes is something that the Jonas Brothers injected into their bodies.
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MuseumEmployee69 writes:

how many automatic alt pointz do i get for working at a gehry building? are they accepted as currency at most chili's locations?

Carles says:
Working at a Frank Gehry building will get you a lot of free perks in altLife, including $10 Chili's dollars per week, free admission to Six Flags theme parks, half off Southwest airlines flights to Europe & Japan, V.I.P. priviledges at major music festivals, the ability to browse altMusicSites without having to view the ads, and 1 free abortion for you or your significant other.

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RageAgainstTheLate90s writes:

Was Woodstock the first SXSW?

Carles says:
Yes. You may remember SXSWoodstock99 where Fred Durst & the Limp Korns set Austin on fire and they had to rebuild most of the University of Texas campus.

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LivingInFear69 writes:

I'm so scared about the electro wars. I heard that France and Australia have huge stockpiles of bangers... Stop BMD proliferation yall.
Furthermore intel suggests that Ableton technology has spread across the entire AZN subcontinent, with young kids as young as 14, indoctrinated by bearded ideologues, now able to mix bangers *in as little as 45 minutes*.

Carles says:
I'm scared, too. Will George W. McCain Obama Palin do something about this? are yall voting or does it 'not matter'? No1 will ever give me a straight answer. They just tell me 2 vote or die. Things aren't so black and white, yall! Also, make sure to buy ur duct tape, flashlights, spam, & bottled water.

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AmericanContrarian69 writes:

Am I the only one who thinks that wearing American Apparel from head to toe is the least 'alt' thing a person can do? I just don't get it. Alt truly = mainstream when it comes to that. Do you know why I get so angry when i see someone wearing a purple vneck tshirt that was obvs bought that day from AA? Is there a way to just accept that AA is for hipster/scenesters and doesn't = Alt? Is there a way to let the world know that the more AApurple you wear, the more mnstrm you are?

Carles says:
The American Appy aesthetic is functional for your day-to-day 'subtle' alt life. American Appy continues to expand their product line to bring you a wider range of colours, prints, and Afrikan stuff. American Appy works 4 u. In a way, American Appy wants every1 to be 'a little bit alt.' Some see this as a good thing, and some see this as a bad thing. It really just depends on ur personal brand. True altdom is within--don't just assume that puting on clothes that were branded as 'being alt' makes u an alt. That would be like wearing Nikes and assuming u were going 2 play in the NBA. Being a true alt takes months and blogyears of hard work, yall. BTW... Please support our sponsors, yall! Every item on my body right now is AmAppy--I am brand loyal. Am Appy: The New Nike?

Note: Not a real American Appy ad. Just some myspacer who I found on googleImageSearch who loves his aesthetic.
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ItGirl69 asks:

who's cory kenney?? is she on like a (m)tv show??? i'm i 2old2know???

Carles says:
She was one of the original MTV VJs. She was also the inspiration for the character 'Daria.'
Daria = Cory Kennedy = their gimmick is that they don't smile

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WorriedAbtMyFriend22 asks:

carles,
i desperately need advice on how to deal with a friend of mine. this summer she is totally becoming an alt after a life of being a mainstreamer. i don;t know how to handle it!? at first it was subtle things, she got some kute bangs and started wearing some tighter jeans and even bought some chucks and wayfarers (i lol'd). she caught me off guard when she asked me what i thought of the new girl talk album, i was like.... "ughhhhh, what? no" and she was like "yeah, i totally think nite ripper was better".... i was just shocked. now she listens to justice and mia and all that other entry shit and i heard her call herself a hipster (i cringed). i get tha
t she wants to be kute and trendy but seeing this change firsthand is confusing! PLS, what should i do? should i bring it up and talk to her about it or just stay quiet and observe? should i try to help her not look like such an obvious mainstreamer gone alt? try to get tugged by her new gang of vapid trend-whore friends?
PS
pls keep this annonymous, i have a suspicion she might have found ur blog after using my macbook

Carles says:
first of all--put a password on your MacBook. U NEVER want some1 to find out what sites u've been browsing. The truth is that your friend is still a mainstreamer, but her context has just changed. U need to embrace her inauthentic new personal brand, and certainly try to get tugged by her gaggle of friends. If you present yourself as an authentic source of trends, new music, and a general value system with which they live their life by+see the world, then u will have it good. Just be sure that you are prepared for your ego to take a hit when an altMale who is more respected in the scene is able to swoon your impressionable tugger away from your control.
MainstreamersGoneAlt are a blessing and a curse, yall. Don't fall in love with them, ever!

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AspiringBlogger69 asks:

do u think i should get blog, blogspot, or xanga? u are the only person i trust to answer this question. i want every1 to read my blog all day everyday.

Carles says:
Xanga is for AZNs. Blogger is for generic people who post 3 times and then quit. Wordpress is for douchebaggy blogs about politics/parenting. Tumblr is for alts/high end design meme consumers. Livejournal is from people who are stuck in the year 2000. Twitter is ass holes. Typepad is for old people. Geocities are for authentic alts?

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2CatchAPredator69 writes:

dear crls,
i love your blog, but i have a problem. the on;y alt girls my age at my high school are off-limits yo. what is one supposed to do? should i date a younger entry-level alt and try to open her to the world of alt by taking her to see the justice and electro bands? or is she just highly tuggable? should i commute 4 love; san franny's 45 minutes away though, and i do know/could meet/need to meet some pretty alt girls who go to liberal arts high schools and know how to screen print t-shrts/give good tugjobs/listen to ratatat on lp while "doin iy"?
Help yo.

Carles says:
In the altWorld, the Age of Consent = the age where some1 decides to implement alternative trends into their personal brand. Even if they are as young as 14, something as simple as wearing an interesting shirt, or wearing trendy mom jeans is basically them admitting that 'they are available on the tug market.' If it would make you feel more comfortable being with a younger woman, you can always purchase a pair of child predator glasses at ur local pharmacy.

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theOfficeFan69 writes:

Is NBC really coming out with a series called HIPSTERS which will merge the humor of 'The Office', 'it's always Sunny in Philadelphia', 'Arrested Development', and 'Human Giant'? Should I be excited or scared? Will it be authentic, and will Justin Long be in it?

[via BDavis Tumblr]

Carles says:
I have no idea, yall. But I hope so. I wish there were more people on my Television who I could relate to so I could watch them on hulu/youtube. I h8 not being able to identify with n e modern television characters. I don't even work in a quirky office/ live on a lost island! sux.

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BrookeShields69 says:

i had depression before i found hro.

Carles replies:
In a way, aren't we all 'a lil depressed' in the same way that we're all 'a lil bit bi'?

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GoingAway2College69 writes:

hey [CRLS], what's the altiest major? obvi graphic/fashion design is a staple of alternative subcultures, but i feel that something liberal artsy (liberal alty?) is more in line with my personal lifestyle brand. political science or 'sociology' (whatever that is) sound totes entry-lvl alt. what should the alt-collegiate crowd study 2 stay ahead of the curve?
u r0ck my world.

Carles lists:
1) Miscellaneous Associate's Degree
2) Photoshop
3) Art History with a focus on the post-Photoshop era
4) Architecture
5) Teaching for America
6) Philosophy with a concentration on Graphic Design Ideology
7) Music Business with a minor in BlogCommunications
8) Alternative Economics
9) Graphic Design (at a school without computers)
10) Sociology + Psychology
11) Marketing
12) Communications
13) A major about music where you spend a year using the campus' recording facilities to 'make ur own album'
14) Film with a concentration in French No Wave cinema
15) Film Studies before 1900
16) Mashup Engineering (or whatever Girl Talk majored in)

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GirlLuvr69 says:

ladyhawke = blonde electro feist? the quirky videos, the slightly masculine face, the bad dancing... who would you choose a tug from?

Carles says:
Good question! I'd take a tug from either one, but girls are insecure, so they probably have more opinions about this 1.

Feist: a bad dancer?

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Guy69 writes:

xrlz: hi, ive been wanting to ask you: could u please explain further some of the terms, premises, and "basic banalities" of HRO? i think this would help clarify what youre doing/talking about, and make your socio-anthropological tugjobs more meaningful for everyone. . . .

for example, like:

what are the electrowars? when are they coming? and why?
can an electroholocaust be avoided, or is it now an inextricable part of 'destiny'?
how do you think the warring factions will divide? Alts vs. Streamers? and Alt on Alt warcrime? and what about Double Agents?
who are likely to be killed off and who shall endure? how can i increase my chances of survival?

what exactly is the Alt/Stream 'dialectique' ?
when alts become streamers, are they still alts underneath? or have their souls/personal brands been forever subsumed into 'the square paradigm'?

what does the future hold for:
1) chilis
2) the electrorainforest
3) the personal brand economy
4) altbosom
5) sunbears
6) jeans (of many varieties)
7) SXSWestern Civilization
8) Snitchfork
9) bangs/bangers

perhaps these questions are rather wide-ranging already, but i just thought it'd be good if you stepped back and explained things.. i mean, particularly seeing as though youll soon be entering the teenage years
of your 2nd blog century.
thank you !

Carles responds:
Not sure what ur tlkng abt, but it sounds like u live in a zany world that does not represent reality at all! U should probably focus on getting a master's degree/moving up to middle-management within the next 2 years instead of reading internet website blog thingies.
'I want some of what he's on!'
-some quirky FGGT 'jokester'

Thanks for reading, yall! email me yalls questions! Hopefully this helped yall!

I've only been familiarized with a few [HIGHLY RECCD] Russ Chimes remixes since I didn't really follow BLOG MUSIC that intensely before I started this blog. So yesterday, Electrorash posted this Russ Chimes mp3, and it was pretty good. The intro section is pretty long, but after 50 seconds, the song really turns into a certified Valerie-style hit.

Russ Chimes is touring Australia in May. Read more about it here.

[MP3]
Russ Chimes Mulsanne
College Teenage Color (Russ Chimes Remix) [mediafire] [The Most 'Moving' Remix of All Time?]

Myspace
http://www.myspace.com/russchimes

When will artists make more scrolling GIFs?