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I Am Carles Returns with LIMITED EDISH VALENTINE'S DAY shirt. (0 comments) |
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Tyler the Creator spotted bronoodling with 'this nigga' Kanye West. Are Big Thangs Poppin? (7 comments) |
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Pitchfork cyberbullies & slutshames Best Coast, calls her an 'inauthentic two-timing sell out panderer' (12 comments) |
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GRAPHIC PHOTO: Cults lead singer Brian Oblivion suffers severe 3rd degree burns to face (4 comments) |
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LANAMANIA hits Los Angeles, frenzied fans begin sobbing in Lana Del Rey's presence (34 comments) |
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Alexis Krauss shows off her BANGIN BOD in GQ Magazine. She truly is 'Sexi Lexi.' (7 comments) |
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Introducing PRAYER WATCH 2K12 A CandleLight Vigil 4 Carles #pray4carles (24 comments) |
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"BUZZ BANDS" was a category on Jeopardy. Have BUZZ BANDS crossed over 2 the mnstrm? (14 comments) |
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Was M.I.A.'s Super Bowl flip off the first shameless slutwave marketing act in the post-LDR era? (27 comments) |
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Skrillex spotted bronoodling with nostalgic human meme Mr. Belding in relevant VIP section (4 comments) |
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Vampire Weekend was the HUGE indie winner of the Super Bowl commercial war (6 comments) |
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Lana Del Rey wears baseball cap, looks TOTALLY EFFING keut (7 comments) |
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Lance Armstrong supports Bon Iver against Carles & other anonymous cowards (33 comments) |
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Lana Del Rey sells MAD albums, is officially RICH, FAMOUS, and SUCCESSFUL (11 comments) |
I remember when I was a child, my parents would drive me to school most mornings, dropping me off to start my day. Even though they didn't realize it because they had 'grown up problems', there was a lot of anxiety within me abt the kind of car that they drove. A lot of ppl say u go 2 school to 'learn', but the American school system is actually a process of 'being judged' and learning how to react/evolve/thrive/fail. Most Americans know whether or not they 'fit in' with society by the end of freshman year of high school.
Even though my parents didn't really have a 'sloppy jalopy' like some of the poorest kids at school, I still felt like my parents should have probably worked harder so that they could have bought a sweet car that would have aided/enhanced my personal brand. It's sorta weird how even though ur a kid, u can still tell how 'material things' can shape ur 'social status.' Even though u r young, and have no idea how money works/how much BMWs+Mercedes+Range Rovers cost, u wish ur parents would move to a cheaper house so they could at least have a sweet ass ride.
I felt scared that my personal brand would be compromised if some1 saw me getting out of a 'poor person'/lower middle class car. Like ppl would think that I ate 'free lunch' and lived in some sort of 'crappy apartment' on the edge of town/our district. They would find out I came from a single-parent household, or that we had been on 'food stamps' until my mom got her most recent job. They would find out that my Abercrombie clothes were actually 'hand me downs'/purchased on sale/that I made my mom max out her credit card 2 purchase them.
Didn't really matter if my parents had paid off our car
Paid off our house
Had an excellent retirement / savings / college fund 4 our entire family...
Nothing says 'I'm fucking sweet + loaded'
Like getting dropped off in a sweet car
Will Smith was right
'Parents just don't understand.'
"I don't tolerate dorkiness." -lil ass hole bro
Feel ashamed of my father
for being such a 'middle class failure'
I wish he would get a sweeter job
Buy me sweeter shit
Kewl clothes, Video Games, Macbooks, Vlogging Cameras
I am more than just a spoiled tween
I am a lifestyle brand
"My dad is a fucking pussie. I am ashamed of him. The whole world treats him like shit because he is a human turd."
Nothing is sweeter than having a sweet car with kid-friendly features
Were u the kind of ass hole who made ur parents listen 2 ur selected tunes
or did u let them play their 70s/80s classic hits?
But srsly...
I am ashamed of my 'dumbass dad'
He doesn't know how to use a fucking GPS
turn on the CD player, satellite radio, the seat warmers
Really clear why he hasn't gotten a raise/promotion in 10 years
when his dumbass probably can't even figure out how 2 use the copy machine.
Look at his bald, fat ass
I swear to god
I will kill myself if I become him
I mean, let's be honest...
He drives a goddamned Toyota
I am pretty sure those are for 'middle class' ppl
no matter how u try 2 brand them.
Letting ur friends ride in the back seat with u
Have some sweet ass TV screens in the back
Escape from their lamestream parents
Who don't really 'get' why social status is important
4 forming a successful child in our modern society
Just glad my parents took the time to really 'think abt' how a kid can turn out to be 'effed' if they think they are inferior to other kids. Kids need to feel 'rich', even if they aren't. Raising a kid who thinks he/she is poor means raising a kid who doesn't believe they can achieve their dreams. Instead of seeing money as no object, they see it as a bottleneck/restraining factor in their existence.
My parents understood that they had to 'spend some money' to make sure that I was rich and able to select from the top tier of 'potential friends' at my local elementary/middle/high school.
Once again
My personal brand
is a lifestyle brand
I am 'selling myself' to all the other kids at school
They want 2 be me
They want a part of me
They want to know what my life is like
I am a unique experience/human/brand
Would give anything
to be dropped off at school
in a helicopter / airplane / submarine / time machine every day
Just want my parents to be 'richer than every1'
Want to be secure
Want my dad to 'be a man'
I want to have the #1 personal brand in my class.
I am a lil tween ass hole
Way 2 aware of material things & social status
If only I could appreciate my parents
4 putting a roof ovr my head
and filling my spoiled face with fast food
//ashamed of u dad
Is Toyota launching a 'brilliant' / 'spot on' marketing campaign, or are they 'pissing off America'?
R u afraid of having a spoiled tween who thinks too much abt 'social status'?
Did u make ur parents drop u off a block away from school because they drove a shitty car?
R u ashamed of ur parents for being 'too poor/middle class' or did it help 2 shape u / make u 'appreciate life' more?
Do u wish ur parents were rich so u never really had 2 work/take things seriously?
Is this kid a 'lil ass hole'?
Is 'the lil ass hole' the new face of Toyota?
Should I go and buy a Toyota Highlander so my tween son will stop being a spoiled lil a-hole?
Did I mention my dad is a 'complete fggt' who wears fanny packs?
So ashamed of him
Srsly not going 2 become my parents
trapped in suburbia
driving a pseudo-luxury SUV
popping out spoiled kids like myself.
I'm going 2 break the cycle
H8 SUVS, suburbia, mortgages and raising kids
Apple recently came out with a new iPhone that has a webcam / HD video camera on it, so u can vlog and video chat with other people instead of using the phone in a generic manner. The new ads 'highlighting' this feature seem like they are really trying to demonstrate how technology can enhance opportunities for authentic human connections. Sorta feel like they portrayed tons of mainstream, Middle American ideas of 'family', 'love', and 'relationships', trying to make the Apple brand 'essential' in Middle America.
Honestly feel kinda bummed because I thought I was progressive 4 using Apple products.
Guess now that there is an Apple Store at every suburban mall, I should stop kidding myself
Apples are for streamers
Dells are fore streamers
GPS devices are for suburban streamers
All technology has 'gone mainstream' [via relatively affordable price points/in-store credit opportunities]
Every1 loves 2 love technology
An opportunity to stay connected
Every new product--website, software, or hardware device
gives us an opportunity to take 'humanity' to the next level
Making us more relevant than any generation before us
the ability to do more great things
So pumped to use the lil camera on my iPhone 4
Gonna livevlog so hard
No longer waiting til I get home to upload my vlogs to my youtube/vimeo account
my tribe of followers are gonna be soo connected to my web brand
Gonna tell my boyfriend that he finally planted a load of semen in my vagina
Livevlogging via Apple will change everything
Feel like it will be just as fulfilling as hanging out with some1 in person
Won't even really have 2 leave the house
or buy a cell phone plan--probs just a data plan
with the skype/iChat app
Can't wait to break up with my GF using iPhone video chat technology
Or to tell her that she 'looks like shit' and needs to put on something
more flattering/forgiving for our date
Might also tell her that I have an STD
Or 'threaten 2 kill her' [via Mel Gibson / OJ Simpson]
I always feel creeped out
and uncomfortable when old people use technology
I feel like they deserve to live their lives' without it
New commercials make me kinda sad that we are forcing iProducts down their throats
because I don't really think I want to experience any of these lamestream events in my life
Don't wanna have a family
Don't wanna have a kid
Don't want to 'take care' of my parents after they get old
Gonna stick them in a homeless community without wifi, and limited TV access
Might just ship them 2 North Korea
But maybe when I am a dad,
I will buy my daughter a cell phone so that we don't fall out of touch
I can use technology to relate to her on her own level
send her positive texts
maybe even 'get hornie' and sext with her if my marriage falls apart and I become an alcoholic
She is soo spoiled
Paid for braces
Data plan
Private School
Horse Riding Lessons
and she can't even vlog with me?
'spoiled ass bitch' -Gen Y dad after raising a terrible kid
Even if I'm in the military
and my wife gives birth
U can jam an iPhone up her pussy
and 'live vlog' that shit
Kinda sad I won't be able to start off being a 'deadbeat dad' on the right foot.
Even if u can't 'talk' on ur phone, u can utilize sign language
to vlog hard
I miss the days when Apple would just put a cutesy indie song in their commercials
harvesting buzzbands to the mainstream
like the Feists
or other 'shitty alt rock songs'
like that one by the band JET
I remember when I was the only alt in my elementary / middle school / high school / college dorm to have a Mac
Before it was even 'maltstream trendy'
Really just fit in with my lifestyle
Not even trying '2 be kewl'
But now every1 has an apple product
iPhones
iPods
iShuffles
iMacs
iPads
iTweens
So many opportunities
to help Middle Americans and mainstreamers
utilize technology in tacky ways
How much is 2 much?
I remember when technology used to just be for people who lived in relevant cities
but I guess suburban families are kinda rich
and have tons of money 2 blow
at Apple Store outlets
How do u feel about Apple's new Middle American brand?
Is Apple 'swirling down the shitter' or are they like a buzzband that is morphing into U2?
Are Apple's products 'perfect' or is AT&T 'fucking bullshit'?
Should I start using Android for pure Google integration?
Do u h8 living in the vlog era?
What meaningful moments of ur life do you think you will livevlog with your friends and families?
Do these commercials make u want to throw up?
Do u wish you could be a semi-professional actor who got the chance to star as a 'generic American' in an iPhone commercial?
Are humans 'too connected' via technology?
I recently saw this commercial, and it really spoke to me. Does any body know where this song is from? It sounds like a band that's probably going to get pretty big this year, like the whistling song from last year [via the Peter Bjorn and Johnnies].
"Have yall ever wanted the space between ur balls and ur butt hole 2 smell like a Stroke? Well now u can with the new Julian Casablancas fragrance!" -some blogspot blurb
I am not sure if this means that Julian Casablancas 'needs $$$' or if he is just interested in existing in a 'selling out' phase because he finally realizes that his music and bands are 'so tired' and 'so dated' and instead of going back in2 the studio 2 write a new album that 'fixes' his band's previous flop job, he is just gonna go on cruise control and sell men's perfume to French tween bros.
Consequence of Sound points out that Strokes frontman Julian Casablancas is now the face of Decibel, a new men's fragrance from French line Azzaro. Decibel's bottle is modeled after a microphone; according to Fragrantica, it features top notes of licorice and Amalfi lemon, middle notes of violet and base notes of tonka bean and vanilla.
Does this fragrance seem chill?
Do u wear cologne, or is that 4 tweenbros and Persians?
Do u want to smell like a Stroke?
Is Julian Casablancas 'hot'/'relevant'?
What is the name of the area between ur balls and ur butt hole?
What does that area usually smell like?
Julian Casablancas is the lead vocalist and songwriter of The Strokes. He is a pretty chill bro despite being born to rich and famous parents in NYC and meeting his fellow band members at boardings schools for spoiled-ass kids.
For some reason, Cheerios has some marketing campaign that is supposed to appeal to blipsters, hipsters, alts, and artists about some blipster who drives around town in some sort of ART MOBILE.
He seems like he says everything that a 'failed artistic type' says abt trying to justify their lives' even though they will never be rich and probs shouldn't have majored in art.
Do u think this blipster is chill?
What is the most authentic brand of cereal?
Should this bro be all up on Kashi's nuts?
R u more brand loyal 2 Clusters or Honey Bunches of Oats?
Fruity Pebbles or Cocoa Pebbles?
Cocoa Pebbles or Cocoa Crispies?
Raisin Bran or Raisin Bran Crunch or Raisin Bran Extra?
Do u think Cheerios should have used 'black ppl'/blipsters to sell Chocolate Cheerios [via General Mills being all racist]?
Do u know any1 who started an 'art bus'?
Do artists make u sad bc they are all poor and no1 cares abt what they 'make' bc it is honestly kinda shitty?
Does art deserve 2 make money?
Are commercials 'the master art'?
Are Cheerios 'overrated' or underrated?
Are Cheerios alt?
Is this better than the Miracle Whip 'hipster' campaign? [link]
Is this bro an authentic blipster or a post-Kanye 10.0 blipster?
Jason Schwartzman is an alt actor who starred in Rushmore. He is sorta like the alt version of Macaulay Culkin [via Home Alone] because no1 really wanted him to grow up, and no matter how old he gets, every1 still imagines him as Maxwell Fischer, the lovable dreamer from Wes Anderson's Rushmores film. Basically, Bill Murray and JSchwartz have been 'coasting' off solid performances in that movie for the past decade.
Anyways, kinda worried abt JSchwartz. Recently, he starred in the BOMB movie called Scott Pilgrim Vs The World : The Michael Cera Chronicles. Now it seems like he is in this iPad commercial. Kinda wish I could build a time machine, and travel back in time with the knowledge of indie films that I have now. Basically would have made sure he was in every possible hit indie film. Garden State, Lost In Transitions, Avatar, and even probably would have got him cast as Iron Man / Spider Man.
Gotta admit, he was in a tough position cuz he probably 'nailed' his best role when he was 9 years old, but kinda wish he had gone mad mainstream so he wouldn't have to 'overthink' his participation in non-alt movies. Would rather have seen him evolve into an action star / romantic comedy zany love interest+bff instead of preserving his brand as an alt icon. Sad to see him in a magazine iPad app commercial
Not even sure what 'The New Yorker' is or if it is relevant. If I had to guess, it is probably part of the New York Times blog website, and they are trying to launch an iPad app to appeal 2 young ppl since magazines and newspapers are dying.
Did yall see his peen in this video? Do u think his schlong will help sell apps? Will 'apps' save the newspaper magazine industry?
Does this iPad app interface seem 'effing sweet'?
Is iPad gonna replace 'paper' / 'real computers' in 2k14?
Is this commercial authentic, or did Jason Schwartzman 'mortgage his brand' for a few ad dollars?
Are 'high end viral web shorts' the most authentic brand of commercials?
Is JSchwartz 'hot'?
Do u read the New Yorker Times, or do u just chill on CNN.com/USAToday.paper-edish?
Do u feel sad about the 'Wes Anderson Curse' where former stars in his movies are forced to peddle technology in commercials 2 save their careers? [via Luke Wilson AT&T commercial]
Jason Schwartzman is the poster boy of the indie era (besides maybe Zach Braff).
Steve Aoki is a popular nightlife DJ, and Mark "The Cobrasnake" Hunter is a popular photographer + lifestyle personal brand human. They are known as 'the kings of the LA electro scene' because they are able to appeal to every1 who wants to be alt in California--white entry level tweens, MexiAlts who just wanna rave, AZNs who drive sweet Honda Civis, and even mainstream dbags who just want to pound their fists in a club while listening 2 an exclusive DJ set by 'some1 famous' (while being photographed).
Anyways, it seems like they made some sort of commercial for a 'rave.' Feel like every music festival in California can be called a 'deadly rave' now, since ppl have died at them. Not sure if this is fair, but gonna go ahead and call Coachella a 'deadly rave' too.
Not sure if this commercial is 'on TV' in the greater Los Angeles area, or if it is just for people to embed on their facebook pages. Seems important to get 'the endorsement' of alt celebs so that ppl know an event will be relevant.
Bands. Sick artists. Heavy DJ sets. Tons of hot bitches. Chillin with Stevebro and Cobrabro. Probably some free Energy Drinks. Worried that every music festival is 'the same' now since they all book the same artists and offer the same amenities. Hope a music festival offers stadium seating sometime soon.
Does this commercial seem chill?
Do they seem like chill bros?
Is the California Electro Rave scene 'going mainstream'?
Whenever u hear about a music festival in California, do u get scared that some1 is gonna die?
Do u wish u could work for a media company in California and make movies/commercials?
Are these bros on the 'front line' of what is relevant in Los Angeles?
Are Steve Aoki and/or the Cobrasnake 'relevant' in 2k11?
Mark Hunter is the Cobrasnake, some bro who travels around the world taking pictures of alt shit so now he has a lifestyle brand.
Not sure if it is 'still cool' and 'bloggable' to make fun of hipsters. This HONDA commercial for their new car called the HONDA JAZZ was apparently made for the continent of Australia. Think every1 there is kinda alt or something. N e ways, this commercial just 'makes fun of' how 'hipsters' think that they are individuals, and they collect vinyl, use polaroid pix, ride fixed gear bicycles, read 'deep' authors/philosophers, and drive cute lil modern hatchback station wagon sporty cars. Tries to 'take on' concepts like 'consumer identity' while providing relevant commentary on modern subcultures.
Do u want to buy one of these cars because u 'are a hipster' or because 'u want to make fun of hipsters' while driving around in the lil car?
Do u think this commercial is 'spot on' and 'friggin hilarious'?
N e ways, here is another commercial for their lil car that makes fun of black people / hip hop culture / the rap community. Seems potentially racist, but I am not sure if there are black people in Australia to get pissed at HONDA.
Do yall like hipster bashing?
Do yall like 'black ppl' bashing?
Are these commercials 'funny' or 'lame'?
Were these commercials just designed to 'get viral blog coverage' but not really inform people about the product?
Do u want to buy a fuel efficient, sporty, multifunctional modern station wagon?
Are yall bros with HONDA or do u prefer Mazda / Nissan / Volkswagen / Prius / Lexus / Ford / Chevrolet?
Should I buy a 'jazz'?
Should they rename their car the Honda Indie?
Who 'invented' hipster bashing, and should they 'sue' Honda for stealing their memes [via Vampire Weekend cover art]?
Volkswagen made some new tiny lil car called the Polo, and this commercial from Australia makes it seem like they are 'making fun of trendy ass holes' in order to segment a target market. They are mainly making fun of the groups of lonely bros who all end up looking like one another because they are all too insecure to make personal branding decisions on their own. They 'find comfort' in looking the same / having the same interests / buying the same clothes / eating the same food / moving into a 3-5 bedroom apartment together / other acts of bro-ishness.
Feel like maybe this commercial sorta represents when alternative bros grow up, and don't find a life partner by age 26-27, and end up 'being way too bro' for their age. Will mainstreamers see this and laugh at 'those mother effing hipsters' or is hipster bashing sorta a niche kind of humor?
I think that it is a 'slam dunk' for ad firms to talk about crafting a unique identity for people who buy their product. Like 'individuality' is a new concept that has never really been explored by commercials/miscellaneous advertisements. Do u think if u bought this car, u would be a unique individual? [via Fight Club themes for high schoolers]
Did this commercial make u 'feel free' from ur group of friends? Do ur group of friends hold u back because they jock ur style? Are groups of bros always hilarious when they 'all look the same', all 'chase the same pussy', and 'get all bitchy with one another like a group of girls'? R u a trend follower or a trend leader? R u a 'lemming' or a 'sheep'?
Should I buy a Volkswagen?
Have yall heard of POLOs, or is that some sort of Euro / Aussie thing made for small roads and non-fat people?
Is this campaign 'funny and quirky' or is it too niche to be played during a Super Bowl?
Are u let down every time a Volkswagen commercial doesn't feature a highly bloggable Grizzly Bear song [link]?
Do u get along with ur bros?
Should I grow a beard / moustache because my bros did?
Are alternative bros more/less insecure than mainstream bros?
If ur bro jumped off a cliff, would u do it, or are u a post-individual?
Tiger Woods recently cheated on his wife and banged a bunch of whores, escorts, strippers, skanks, and professional sex women. He is currently making a 'comeback' from his downward spiral, about to play the popular white person sport GOLF again.
Nike created a new commercial trying to 'capitalize' on his 'comeback.' The commercial features a sad looking Tiger taking a verbal message from his dead father, Earl Woods. I think they must have contacted him [via the grave] to make this commercial. Feel like his voice sounds 'disappointed', but also kinda 'proud', like his son might be a 'pimp baller' for banging so much sweet, white vagina.
Is Nike 'exploiting' this situation?
Is the Nike marketing wing the 'greatest advertising bros in the history of the world?
Is Tiger 'exploiting' his dad?
Will Tiger Woods ever win the NBA Championship again?
Would this commercial have been cooler if it featured Neon Indian / She & Him / Grizzly Bear?
Did Tiger's dad raise an 'ass hole'?
Did Tiger's dad raise 'the ultimate bad ass'?
R u ashamed of Tiger?
Did Tiger let down black people?
Did Tiger let down white people?
Should Tiger be able to 'bone' any big titted stripper that he wants 2?
Have yall ever done drugs and had sex with some1?
Is Tiger Woods the greatest bro of all time?
The hit 2k9 buzz band The XX's hit song 'Intro' was utilized in an AT&T commercial. The commercial seems to be a marketing campaign based around American Olympic Speed Skater Apolo Anton Ohno.
It will be interesting to monitor the 'backlash' against the XX, since they have only 'been on the alt radar' for such a short time, even in blog years. One could suspect that they were constructed in order to make mad bank in licensing. In the past, some blogsites have theorized that the band is some sort of marketing gimmick for the popular Mexican beer, Dos Equis.
It is also important to note that the Speed Skater in their commercial has a 'rowdy' soul patch, which possibly could be classified as a soul landing strip. The XX might be regretting lending their song to a commercial which features a soul patch bro.
Only time will tell if The XX will morph into a mainstream band, with a brand that is similar to the Ting Tings, or if they will stay critically acclaimed indie darlings who are 'incredibly popular' in Europe.
Do yall think The XX 'sold out' harder than Grizzly Bear / The Arcade Fire [via Super Bowl Sunday]?
Would yall rather have your music played during a Super Bowl campaign or an Olympix campaign?
Do yall use AT&T as a service provider, and does this make u 'happy' that they 'get' u as a consumer?
Have we reached the zenith of the post-Garden State era, where indie music is harvested for the sake of 'making sweet commercials'?
Will XX fans start to grow soul patches?
Would Michael Phelps have won more medals if he listened 2 the XX instead of Lil Wayne?
Is Apolo Anton Ohno alt, or just a lost altish bro?
Do yall think Middle Americans who heard this song liked it, or did they not even bother processing it?
The xx is a band from the UK that went kinda mainstream in 2k9
