I wonder if I would rather have Blink182dad as a dad, or FallOutDad as ur dad. Feel like Pete Wentz might be ‘embarassing’ because Fall Out Boy’s songs are ‘hella ghey’ in a tweeny kind of way. Also, u might get made fun of at school since he took ‘cock pix.’ Would be sweet to have Jessica Simpson as ur mom, though. Heard she has ’sweet jugs’ [via Nick Lachey]

Would feel sweet having Blink182bro as ur dad. Feel like he writes songs that u could actually relate to. He would also be pretty appreciative about life, since he almost lost a bro [via tragic plane crash]. Think that both dads are ‘loaded’, so you could probably be a consumerCore kid during ur youth years, where you are encouraged to have a loud personality, and possibly have long hair.

When I was a kid
all I ever wanted
were parents who were famous
(but at least rich)
they would encourage me to ‘be myself’
Even if I didn’t get good grades
bc they could get me a kewl job
when I graduated from HS
and didn’t want 2 go 2 college

What kind of parents do yall wish yall had?

Previous Cool Dad Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/cool-dads

Should I get some sort of ‘kewl looking sling’ that brands me with my babie?

Meme via babygadget

Might get worried about my wife’s back if she wears it for more than 10 hours per day.

Glad it comes with a ‘male template’ so that I can still chill in my aviators.

Might just get naked in an edgy movie about bros starting FIGHT CLUBS, and then become a mom and buy a free-spirited bicycle that is meant for hauling humans around. Want my kids to never have to suffer by riding in a car.

Photo via Jezebel

(Might also start a late night business with this contraption.

I will participate in quirky art projects that bring me closer 2 my wife during her pregnancy.

We will show this video to our son/daughter instead of ‘explaining how sex works.’

Yall… I’m nervous… does n e 1 have n e parenting tips, ideas, products, or literature that will make my life easier?

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I’ll show you everything
-The Creeds

I walked in on my dad looking at himself in the mirror
naked
He did not know I was watching him
He looked analytical, somber, reflective, and sad

Lately, my father has been losing hair
gaining weight
getting older
Making more choices to make himself seem ‘more youthful’
but ultimately acting ‘dumb’ and ’self-destructive’

He cheated on my mom
It makes her sad
but I think he is insecure
Overheard him yell, “SHE MAKES ME FEEL YOUNG AGAIN.”
He also keeps asking me ‘what bands do u listen to?’
and bought tickets to a Kings of Leon concert

I think they just need 2 talk about getting older
and embrace that life ends
and that u need 2 surround urself with ‘people u authentically <3′
Not sure if it healthy to ‘feel sad’ about getting older

Maybe there is just a time in ur life
where u need to ’sit on the couch, turn on the TV, and stop sulking’
realizing that the ‘best’ days of ur life r behind u
and in the future u will only become more physically incompetent
and unable to keep up with the pace at which society/technology changes

It makes me sad that we’re all getting older
I just want to feel and look the same
as I did during ‘my prime’
Worried that my ‘prime’ has passed
or maybe I am not ‘happy’ during ‘my prime’

Want 2 be a tween again
‘but wouldn’t give up the knowledge I have now’
If only our parents knew
how easy their lives’ were
since they didn’t have to deal with stressful modern issues
like ’sexting’ and ’sexually transmitted diseases’ and ‘information overload’ and ‘memes’

Just want 2 b happie?

They only want u when ur seventween
when ur 21
ur all old and ur sexual organs are probs contaminated

////////////////////
do u feel urself ‘getting older’?
R ur parents going through ‘a mid life crisis’?
R u afraid 2 get old cuz it means ur closer 2 dying?
Do u want to die of ‘old age’, ‘a disease’ or ‘a tragic accident that is a bloggable meme.’

Photo by facehunter

Is there a difference between a girl who u want ‘2 hook up with’ versus a ‘girl who u want to spend the rest of ur life with?’ Feels kinda weird how I feel like some girls ‘aren’t worth’ ‘taking home 2 meet ur parents’ because ur parents would be like ‘who is that skank’/'who is that altbro?’ I am not sure what type of relationship u have with ur parents. Maybe u like to ’shock them’ by ‘telling them that u r in love with pieces of garbage’?

Or do ur parents ‘worry about u getting some1 pregnant’? Or do ur parents ‘worry that u’ll get married too young and end up getting divorced, just like them’? Do u ‘take pride’ in ur significant others? Do u feel like when u tell ur parents that u r ‘dating some1′ that they respect u ‘more’, and say ‘my lil kid has grown up–what a beautiful soul’? Do u have parents who ‘get’ u, and ‘love 2 bond’ with ur significant others because they can stop focusing on their failed marriage and start bonding through you + your significant other?

Just trying 2 find the best qualities in a woman. Want some1 who wouldn’t mind pushing a dual-core ergonomic stroller through a public space with me. Want some1 who will ‘love me 4 me.’ Want some1 who ‘won’t start 2 focus on the kids’ after they are born, and keep the attention on me.

It’s hard yall. Not even sure if I am ‘looking 4 love’ or just ‘looking 2 cum.’ Hard 2 know the difference between the two. Feel like most girls who I would meet aren’t ’special’ because they are usually just ‘the last skanks standing’ at a weekly alternative club event. H8 how some ‘relationships’ feel like ur just ‘getting off’ with some1 until both of u ‘find some1 who is closer 2 what u actually want/what u think u deserve.’

Not sure if I am ‘happy with myself’ so I don’t know if I would every think some1 else is good enough. Guess I just wanna have kids so that my ‘perspective on life’ will change completely. Just wanna be a cool dad and raise a kid in an upper-middle class alternative life.

What do u want out of a relationship?

Think I just want some1 who will ’sit on a laptop with me all night’ and ‘make snarky commentary about a hit television show/reality show’ that people in our demographic are ’supposed 2 watch’.

XX BONUS ‘lil ball of turd’ fashion XX

‘poop’ humor: big on HRO in 2k9.5? Or will I just stick with ‘racist post-post-satire’ that ‘goes 2 far’? [via fearing AZNs]

Question 2) M.I.A. is

a) just a meme
b) pregant
c) should have stayed home
d) trying too hard 2 reach out 2 mainstream audiences
e) just taking care of herself/her career

Question 3: Deadmau5 will be remembered as

a) a zany masked DJ
b) just some weirdo at the Grammys
c) “what is that bro doing at our show?” -Taylor Swift
d) being responsible for bringing ‘masked djs’ to the mainstream
e) just a meme on the day after award shows

Question 4: This is a picture of

a) the coldplays
b) a band that steals songs
c) the writers of the rock album + song of the year
d) bros who need to retire their gimmick
e) Cool dads searching for meaning

Question 5: These bros are chilling at

a) the Grammys
b) A Cool Dad convention
c) A Kidz Health convention
d) A McDonalds playgrond
e) A liberal arts professor conference

Question 6: When I see this single, I think it is

a) Just another bloghouse mp3
b) just another crappy mp3 posted by a lame entrylevel blog on the hypemachine looking to get hits
c) worth a Grammy
d) the best Remix of all time
e) other

Question 7: Kanye West won a grammy for

a) Best frollet
b) Best blogger of the year
c) Worst black person of the year in America
d) JackOfAllTrades/Renaissance Man of the year
e) Best guy who sounds like a robot on his albums

Question 8: Who wore it better?

a) the broad on the left
b) the broad on the right
(this is a test 2 see if ur a racist)

Question 9: The Lonely Island Bros are

a) going to win a Grammy in 2k10
b) a gimmick for bros
c) comedy for bros
d) glorified bro Weird Al bullshit
e) really funnie
f) really progressive
g) going to make the Flight of the Conchords obsolete for bros
h) something for people who smoke weed and watch dvds/ funnie youtube vids

Question 10: This bro won a Grammy for

a) best assault of a broad
b) best knuckle sandwich 2 a broad’s face
c) Best job of ‘putting a woman in her place’
d) Most likely 2 be the next OJ Simpson
e) Future Ike TurnerBro
f) Strongest Pimp Hand
g) Artist of the Millennium who Hits Women
h) Bro Who is above the law
i) bro who is above society’s norms

Question 11: Daft Punk won some Grammy because

a) they deserve it for this live album thingy
b) there are too many Awards categories
c) people only heard of them after Kanye West cobranded with them for that meaningful duet about becoming stronger on the inside

Question 12: Christian Bale won a grammy for

a) being Heath Ledger’s BFF
b) being in Batman
c) becoming a viral meme on audio
d) pretending ‘to get angry’ as a marketing gimmick for the new Terminator film so that Entertainment Magazines will profile him as being ‘complex’ and ‘deep’ and ‘really into his craft’
e) he sang a lot in Newsies

Question 13: The name of this band is

a) 3 Tweens and a Blind Black Man
b) Blind, Black, and Musical: The Band
c) Searching for Our Sexuality thru the blindness
d) Bro Circle Jerk in a room with a blindman
e) Guy Who Should be able to see + need Talent Managers who protect their brands a lil bit better
f) The Grammys: Where Legends go to Make Bad Decisions
g) Steve WonderBro
h) Tweens Who Might be GheyBros

Question 14: This band in this picture is

a) the Spice Girls
b) Paramore
c) Blink 182
d) Girls Aloud
e) The Pussy Cat Dolls
f) Aqua
g) Jen Aniston and the Skanky McSkankBroads
h) Chris Brown’s “Pimp Hand”

Can’t believe I missed the Grammys. Feel really ‘out of the loop.’ Just want to connect 2 ‘pop culture’ since it is kind of the fabric of society that relates us all.

Kinda feel like this picture represents the state of modern music.
In this picture is everything that we want.
We want bloggable content with stars who attract viewers by saying zany things and being progressive enough to blurb about.

Did yall hear M.I.A. is pregnant?
Are yall excited about how twitter gives u such direct and instant access 2 ur fave celebs while they are at a meaningful event like the Grammys?

[via diplo's drunken memes during the Grammys blogspottwitter]

100 Simple Rules For Raising my Alternative Child

• When I am a father, I will not let my kid watch television.
• I will only let my son/daughter watch vimeo.
• My kids will only listen to podcasts.
• My kids will only eat Kashi brand products and no red meat.
• When they are fully grown into tweens, I will remove meat from their diet.
• My kids will not learn how to write in print or cursive. I will give them a Macbook Air with only a single font available for use–Helvetica.
• My kids will not learn how to play the guitar or piano, but I will hire some one to teach them Ableton.
• I will not let my kids vlog until they are 19.
• I will monitor my kids’ personal brand, not letting them commit to any trends that will be eliminated within 1.5 years.
• My kids will be homeschooled. They will not read textbooks–only wikipedia entries and blog posts.
• 80% of my children’s curriculum will be for the sake of self-expression.
• Other kids will not ‘get’ my children, but I will teach my kids that this means that they are better than mainstreamer children who eat refined sugar.
• My kids will go to the top design/art schools in the world. I will let them take a year off, but make sure they are ‘doing something free spirited and constructive.’
• My kids will be tolerant. They will create pro-Ghey signs.
• My kids will live in a world without Comic Sans.

I want to be the most effective alternative father in the history of the world.
How will u raise ur kids?

SRSLY tho… is love ever wrong? (gonna miss the gheys after George Bush eliminates them the day b4 he leaves office.)

Should I blog about social change/parenting tips more often?

In 2009, all we will want 2 do is have a lil fun. Authentic fun. The kind of fun that can only be embodied by a song that is accessible to females from age 7 to 72. Hot women will be kind of fair, but kind of ’saucy’ in a ‘mystic drifter’ kind of way. In 2k9, the synthesizer market will crash, and we will see the acoustic guitar market explode.

<3 free spirited moms + cool dads

XX BONUS CRUNKCORE COVERAGE XX

Gonna miss u when u r just a meme from 2k8, Brokencyde. At least they made the Mexican peoples of the world proud.
Worried that music will sound Crunkcore in 2k9 :-(
// help

Do yall think this is the picture which verifies the Cool Dad Theory?
Or is it just another example of the emerging trend of human accessories.

I’m afraid of growing old.
I’m afraid of my hair turning grey.
I’m afraid of losing my hair.
I’m afraid of turning into a cool dad.
I’m afraid of being a self-aware cool dad who knows he isn’t cool.
I’m afraid of my son/daughter eventually being ‘cooler than me’ when I am 54.
I’m afraid of having to ‘raise a child.’
I’m afraid of my first divorce.
I’m afraid of feeling pressure to hold down a job for more than 7.5 months.
I’m afraid of having to give away my tattered Am Appy shirts to ‘the poor’ in 2k__.

/// This is a post about coping with age.

Should I start listening 2 the Smiths after the electrobubble bursts?
Did u go through a ‘Smiths era’ or is that 4 old ppl?
Should I put the Smiths on my ‘top albums of 2k8′ list?

Part of me gets a lil bit upset that the mainstreamers are finding out about what I listened to 2+ years ago, but then I realize that I need to ‘be the bigger person’ and let them enjoy.

Did yall see Mathangi Arulpragasam on the cover of SPIN? (I call M.I.A. by her real name 2 sound more authentic.)

Remember when the Management was on the cover of SPIN?

Remember when hipsters were on the cover of BPM?

Remember when a Cool Dad made the cover of Us Weekly?

I was really proud when Crystal Castles were on the cover of NME.

“we are using sounds that no 1 else can get.” -Crystal Castles

I remember when Britney Spears’ sister sharted out a baby and landed on a magazine cover.

It was a big deal when some one as alt as Dustin Hoffman went mainstream and starred in “Hook.”

I was proud of Thom Yorkee for being on the cover of AZN magazine.

It was also a big deal when I was TIME’s person of the year just cuz I built a myspace profile. I showed my parents so they’d get off my back and let me chill on the myspace.

I kinda hope YALL are the Persons of the Year in 2k8.

(I am not proud of alt celebs when they r on the cover of altMagazines that I am not alt enough to recognize).

How do u feel when u see some1 on a magazine cover?
Is it a meme that u should be proud of and connect with?
Do u have ‘pride’ for ‘being into’ an artist/public figure before they were ‘recognized by a magazine’?
Would u be honored m0re to be in a magazine, or be blggd abt at ur fave blog?
Which 1 means more in the current meme economy climate?

//// am I just a meme?
//// RAGE AGAINST THE MEME.

Please justify your answer in your response in order to receive 20 HRO points.

For example: “He is an altbag bc his moustache is authentic and altBros can’t grow facial hair.”
or “he is an altBro who is trying 2 b progressive by wearing a denim jacket.”
or “CRLS…r u blind? he is obvi a cool dad.”

[Photo by DamStyle]

What do u think?

“Make sure u make ur vote count. Ur unique voice/opinion is important.”
-The Election Thingy

Doesn’t that Alt resemble Jason Lee, yall? Luv getting buzzed and watching NBC comediez.