HIPSTER RUNOFF

The Dirty Projectors are a critically respected buzzband, whose buzz trajectory underwent a massive metamorphosis in 2k9 after adjusting their band lineup. However, after the recent Twitter beef that Bon Iver's lead singer started with the popular weblog HIPSTER RUNOFF, many other relevant buzz humans and buzzbands are rushing to support the #cyberbullying and #slutshaming of Carles. The Dirty Projectors backup singer Amber Coffman is the next to speak out against Carles and his controversial editorial voice. She supports Bon Iver, claiming that HIPSTER RUNOFF is a site that exists to "tries to cheapen + ruin everyone's hard work, everything that is positive/fun. so dark."

It seems like there is a TRUE indie war brewing between buzzbands rebelling against the blogs that buzz them. Earlier today, Carles went on a massive tweet spree, throwing out indie conspiracies about how buzz is truly created due to secret pacts and gladhanding between major music websites, indie labels, and relevant buzz celebrities. There is truly a Blogosphere Civil War happening right before our eyes. Whose side are you on?

Amber went on to tweet:

"it's not like @hipsterrunoff doesn't know how to be funny. they could do it without the hatred, but i guess h8tred gets u more "buzz" huh?"

In the new blogosphere world, 'talking mad shit' about a buzzband will get you more hits, buzz, comments, unique visitors, and social media links than the majority of crappy MP3s and videos by fringe buzzbands that no one cares about.

In the past, Carles has 'riffed' and/or 'joked' on the Dirty Projectors, claiming that lead singer Dave Longstreth 'operated his band' as if it was a cult of brainwashed wives, paying them not in money, but in the arbitrary currency of alt buzz. Carles has often 'joked' that the Dirty Projectors were unbuzzworthy before he acquired 3 PREMIUM hot altbaguettes, then, the male, misogynistic blogosphere 'took a liking to them' not just because of their vocal harmonies, but because of the sweet, sweet harmonies of their premium alt good looks when u go 2 see them live. They could just yodel and howl in discordance over random guitar riffs, and it would be sweet, sweet music to our eyes.

None of the altbaguettes could be reached for confirmation on their salary structure, song-writing royalties, or equity in the band. Much of what Carles says is not based on fact, some claiming that he is a 'parody' writer. But maybe anonymous parody goes too far, cyberbullying under the cloak of secrecy without any accountability. Twitter is abuzz with conspiracy theories, claiming that the only reason the Dirty Projectors issued public comment is to construct a narrative for their upcoming 2k12 album cycle.

Buzzbands are truly turning on Carles and HIPSTER RUNOFF. After his critically acclaimed coverage of #LDRGate, it seems like buzzbands want the blogosphere to 'go back to the way it used to be' in the beginning. Now, blogs are fighting for hits, doing anything they can to turn indie musicians into CELEBRITIES, processed like a meat market. Perhaps now we are only just learning how the sausage is actually made in this corrupt indie industry.

Is the buzzluminati trying to 'silence' Carles?
Are buzzbands turning on HIPSTER RUNOFF?
Do u still <3 Amber even though she is harshing the HRO vibes?
Does not even Dave Longstreth care abt what Amber Coffman has 2 say [via domineering buzzband leaders]?
Is HIPSTER RUNOFF 'effing toast'?
Will every1 do ANYTHING 4 buzz?
IS everything 'going to shit'?
Who can we trust?
What is happening?
Are u on #TeamCarles or #TeamDP or #TeamBonIver?

Why Can't We All Just Ride Chillwaves 2gether [via getting along]
-Carles

PREVIOUSLY
Bon Iver HATES HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by Weird Magic dot biz

If there's one thing I love, it's girls with bangs. If there's another thing I love, it is the altbaguettes from Dirty Projectors. If there's one more thing that I love, it's alt girls with premium curly hair. Angel Deradoorian has got it all. Here she is showing off her PERFECTLY EXECUTED CURLY BANGS, but also that she is able to leave the walls of the controversial Dirty Projector Compound. I am happy for her freedom, and I wish her nothing but the best. I wonder if she is still 'canoodling' with Avey Tare. They both deserve 2 be happie.

#TeamAngel #TeamDeradoorian

Is Angel ur fave DP?
R u amazed by the execution of her curly bangs?
Does Angel have a better 'mop of curls' than Vicki LeGrand?
Should she 'go solo' for good, or does she need to stick around for one more album cycle and 'start a fight'?
Can she become bigger than St. Vincent/Vicki LeGrand/LykkeLi?
Do u believe in The Emancipation of the Dirty Projector Alt Baguettes?
#FreeTheBaguettes

Angel Deradoorian

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Angel Deradoorian is an altbaguette QT member of the Dirty Projectors.

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R u ready for a new Dirty Projectors album cycle? They were a member of the fabled buzzyear that was 2k9. My, how indie has fallen...:-( #darkness....

Any1 who knows abt the Dirty Projectors know that it is headed by Dave Longstreth, and he is basically like a cult leader who views himself as the 'genius' behind the band. He had actually been 'trying to make it' as a buzzband for a while, then he got 3 altbaguettes to join the band, and obviously they finally became popular because any1 wants to go see 3 premium alt hotties sing while they look cute, but at the same time it is kinda sad because when they sing with Dave, they kinda give off 'brainwashed cult member' vibes, as if they have been stuck as one of many wives in a polygamous cult for their entire lives', having to marry their father, and give birth to children, but their children's dad is also their grandpappy. Really weird vibes.

Speaking of 'weird', Dave Longstreth decided to go 'all in' on the 'I RECORDED THIS ALBUM IN THE FOREST' gimmick. Sorta like Bon Iver or Fleet Foxes something. I am not sure if that is even a 'fresh' gimmick since every1 wants to call them a 'Brooklyn based buzzband', but now they are all 'naw. I got a house in a rural area to cleanse my vibes.'

This past January, after capping an exhaustive world tour behind his band's breakout 2009 album Bitte Orca, David Longstreth, leader of Brooklyn experimental indie intellectuals Dirty Projectors, rented an old house in rural Delaware County, New York, to decompress and begin writing material for their follow-up. He settled in alone.

"It was amazing to be by myself and just write," Longstreth tells SPIN. "It was the antithesis to touring." But it was a tough winter, he says, "with, like, three feet of snow all the time." All alone in the woods, things started to get, well, a little creepy — and that sentiment seeped into the band's upcoming LP. Here Longstreth tell us about living and writing alone in seclusion and channeling themes of horror and fear on the DP's yet-to-be-titled new album, expected in early spring 2012.

The Woods. All Alone. Riding chillwaves on Walden Pond. Vibing like a true ruralite. Glad u got ur head clear, DPbro. This album doesn't even come out to theoretically try to 'save' 2k11, and the bro is already creating album cycle narratives. Afraid of how heavy this is gonna get.

R u ready 4 some wilderness?

What's the deal with the isolated house?
It's this couple's house that lived here back in the '90s. It's a strange place because it's fully furnished but it hasn't been lived in for 15 years. The first four months of the year, I was building fires in the wood stove and using New York Times papers from 1994 as kindling. It was weird to read some of the articles from back then before I burned them. The winter was tough. I got stuck a few times, which sucked. I have one neighbor up the road named Gary. He loves Keystone Light. He's towed me out of the driveway a couple of times. This place is seriously haunted.

Really? How so?
Gary was telling me the house was abandoned for 40 or 50 years, beginning in the 1920s. Hunters would use the main bedroom of the house as a deer stand to pick off deer from this big meadow stretching out in front of the house. The house has this weird feeling about it. The house is basically part of the woods. This spring, a flood of ladybugs invaded the house and now in the attic there's this weird flying bug thing.

So worried abt Davy Longie....He seems like he is 'really losing his mind', maybe eating too many regional mushrooms.

You spent the first few months all alone, but is the whole band up there now?
We're going in cycles. All of August the guys were here with me. The girls were supposed to come up today, but Amber's got the flu. Right now I'm just here with our engineer recording guitars and vocals.

Check out this picture of his house/studio/hideaway/cult. Not sure why he needs 2 stories when he is just 1 bro, but then u realize he has to have his 'slave labor' operation going.

Can we call this the 'Dirty Projector Compound'? I wonder if he is going to start h8ing the government and building a huge wall around his property.

'Dave Longstreth is truly the David Koresh of indie rock.'

Here he is looking like an 'insane cult leader.'

Really nice of him to let Amber Coffman come to the house to change bed sheets, tend to the yard, and drop a few vocals on his tunes. She will be paid in servings of nine-grain bread and hummus.

Not sure where all of the other altbaguettes are, but they are more than likely at their waitressing jobs at popular Brooklyn eateries bc Longstreth truly believes that paying them in bread+healthy spread is 'all they need' (along with occasional bags of lettuce).

R u pumped 4 new Dirty Projectors?
Can u believe he pulled out the 'i wrote the album in the wilderness' gimmick?
Do u feel bad for the altbaguettes?
Should they 'go solo'/'go trio'?
Do u think he secretly bought the house bc they had to move in and rely on him/act as his 'buzz slave'?
R u gonna buy a house in the wilderness and record a meaningful EP?
Did Bon Iver already 'ruin' that model?
Should the Dirty Projectors purchase the rights to the name 'Cults' from Cults?
Where is the most authentic place 2 write a hit buzz album? 'the city' or 'the effing boonies'?
What is the greatest ruralwave album of all time?

#FreeAngel #FreeAmber #FreeHaley
#FreeBaguettes @ Panera Bread

...b4 it is 2 late....

Dave Longstreth

Alternative Celebrity

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Angel Deradoorian is one of the altbaguettes from the hit 2k9 buzzband 'the Dirty Projectors.' Basically, the DPs (no, not the double penetrations) used 2 be this 1 bro riffing on guitar. But then he realized 'sex sells' so he recruited 3 premium altbaguettes to join the band. The rest... is indie history.

Many people claim that Angel Deradoorian has the strongest personal brand of all three of the DPbaguettes. I have honestly never heard her music, but it seems like she is trying to tell Dave Longstreth 'I can riff on guitar too, bro. I'm tired of this master-slave relationship. The other girls might be brainwashed, but I'm not treating this like it is some weird cult.'

Is Angel Deradoorian 'the hottest' member of the Dirty Projectors?
Have u seen her 'solo'?
Is it 'relevant' or is it kinda weak, like Avey Tare solo?
Who is the 'Panda Bear of the Dirty Projjies'?
Can Angel Deradoorian elevate her brand to such great female indie heights?
Would she be more buzzworthy if she played a harp [via the Joanna Newsom theory]?


Girl, you’re my angel...
you’re my darling angel....
Closer than my peeps you are to me, baby
Shorty, you’re my angel, you’re my darling angel
Girl, you’re my friend when I’m in need, lady
-SHAGGY

R u worried about Amber Coffman's revenge?

Is Haley Dekle the #1 baguette in the DPs?

Do u ever want to start a buzzband and get keut indie girls to join, then 'brainwash' them to be your indie slaves?
Have u ever noticed any thing fishy when u see the Dirty Projectors LIVE, like the girls 'carrying all the gear' before and after liveshows?
Can Angel take her brand 2 the next lev or will she just be a 'niche Brooklyn high-end band'?
Should she ride Feist-waves?

Angel Deradoorian

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Angel Deradoorian is an altbaguette QT member of the Dirty Projectors.

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Here is some song by Angel Deradoorian called "Marichka." U might know her better as 'one of the hot altbaguettes' who helped the Dirty Projectors 2 achieve critical success because u can go to their shows and watch the keut girls on stage, and visualize a life where u move 2 Brooklyn and get in2 a relationship and start farming on ur rooftop together or something like that.

Anyways, this song was 'produced' by Avey Tare, who recently divorced his ex-wife Kria Brekken... We all know that Avey likes 2 create special things with his partner...so if we can assume that they are a 'couple' maybe they might be 'the next big indie couple' now that WAVVES and Best Coast are overexposed and boring.

Doesn't really matter if I find this song to be boring/bleak/pointless...u can't deny the undeniable attraction to the altbaguette personal brand of Angel...

Most bloggers are males, so most cute indie female artists could just 'fart' on an mp3, and it would get mad blog coverage.

Should Angel Deradoorian and Avey Tare 'get in2 a public indie relaish' just 4 hits, or have they already established relevancy?
Should they have some babies like Bjork and that artist bro?
Will Animal Collective 'kick out' Geologist and replace him with Angel Deradoorian?
Are yall on #TeamAngel or #Team_Amber_Coffman?

Would the Dirty Projectors be 'nothing' without the 3 QTs?
Should any other all-male indie bands import some keut girls 2 be more interesting?
Is stillness still the move?
Should Avey Tare become 'the Charlie Sheen' of indie music?

Angel Deradoorian

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Angel Deradoorian is an altbaguette QT member of the Dirty Projectors.

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Avey Tare

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Avey Tare is the lead singer of Animal Collective who wants to prove he is more important than Panda Bear by writing better songs than him.

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Pictured: A dirty Projie girl jimmy jangles a tambourine on stage.

Oh Dirty Projectors...
I don't know much abt u,
and ur music goes ovr my head
but ppl keep telling me is brilliant.

All I know is that u have 3 altbaguettes in ur band
Used wikipedia 2 find ur names
Amber Coffman
Angel Deradoorian
Haley Dekle

I think HALEY is pictured above
and it seems like she was holding some sort of 'progressive sex toy'

Maybe it is a percussion instrument
maybe it is a brush / comb
I don't really know
but I do know the power of the altbaguette
and 'loading ur band' with 3 altbaguettes is a killer move
by that 1 dude in the band

This is ''Amber Coffman'

She's chill, but might just stick on #Team_Haley
but u know the old saying
'U can never say no 2 a Grade-A altbaguette'

Oh dirty projjies
screaming on stage in harmony
turns me on like crazy
the sweet sounds of ur voices
thinking abt moving to Brooklyn
and being in a meaningful relationship with u

Don't care what ur into
sex toys
abstinence
progressive astrology
mainstream religion
going back 2 school to get ur master's/doctorate

I want 2 be with u
and I can ride the sex toy wave
if ur in2 that

Really dig that the DirtProj bro added 3 altbaguettes 2 his band

Do yall <3 the dirty projjies?
Do u think they need to re-release Bitte Orca with Haley on the cover?

Who is the hottest/keutest/alt-est Dirty Proj?

What would yall do with for 1 hour with a conceptual sex toy + a Dirty Proj altbaguette?

What kind of sex toy/instrument is she using?

Dirty Projectors

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[MP3]

Dirty Projectors + Björk- All We Are by DominoRecordCo

Worried abt the Dirty Projectors. I think the buzzosphere was 'all about them' in 2k9, since they added like 5 cute indie girls to sing 'oohs' and 'aaaaahs'. They had 1 song that Jay-Z, Beyonce and her sister vibed out to called 'Stillness is the Move.' N e ways, they seem to be 'collab-ing' with Bjork to write some crazy person album about a family of whales:

....Amber from Dirty Projectors was walking along a ridge on Mount Wittenberg, north of San Francisco. She was looking out at the ocean and saw a little family of whales, as you sometimes do in April on the Northern California coast. I wrote some songs about it and sent them to Björk, who agreed to sing the part of the mom whale. The songs became Mount Wittenberg Orca. Amber and Angel and Haley sang the part of the kid whales, and I sang the part of Amber. We sang all week long and learned the music just in time to perform it at the bookstore on May 8th.

Have yall ever seen a collective of animals and decided 2 write a hit album about the experience?
Is Bjork a chill person to collab with, or is she 'too out there'?
Is Bjork still a relevant meme in 2k10?

Apparently they aren't doing this concept album '4 profits', they are just trying to help the environment/whales or something.

I feel like Dirty Projectors should 'man up' like Kevin Costner, and invest all of their buzzband profits in creating a technology that cleans up the oil spills. Feel like orcas are doing fine, because if they get hungry, they can just go to a 'Killer Whale Homeless Shelter' at a local Sea World Theme Park:

We’ve decided to give away all the money that Wittenberg generates to the project of creating international marine protected areas. Only 1% of the oceans are protected in any way and this is a huge problem. We’re working with the National Geographic Society to create areas of sustainability, so the oceans don’t end up like a giant poisonous corpse hugging the continents.

Wonder if Bjork and the DPs (Doub Penetrations) are musical soulmates. Wonder if they will 'save the environment.'

In addition, they think their music is 'too good' for Macbook speakers:

We’re so psyched about how this recording came out and hope you are too. Don’t listen on those tinny computer speakers — put in on the stereo and blast dat shiiiiiiiiii!!

Should they team up with Sarah McLachlan to save domestic animals from cruelty

Do these commercials ruin ur vibe? Did Sarah McLachlan ruin her brand?

Do the dirty projectors not care about domesticated animals & think we should focus on saving animals in their natural environment?

Do yall think this collab is 'sweet' and 'unique'?
Do yall wanna ride chillwaves or whale waves?
Should the Dirty Projectors 'find a new gimmick' and move beyond the orca thing?
Do yall like music that is written to save animals/the environment?

Might just vibe out to Savage Garden's hit song "The Animal Song"

'I want to live like animals...
Careless and free...
like animals
I want to run thru the jungle
with the wind in my hair
and the sun at my feet...'
-AnCo

Bjork

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Bjork is a crazy Icelandic lady who is an 'artist.'

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Jay-Z is a popular mainstream rapper who many alt sites give authentic credibility, but I'm not sure why. He enjoys to give interviews where he talks about listening to 'far out, real ass shit', including indie buzzbands like Grizzly Bear and the Dirty Projectors. The Dirty Projectors have a song called "Stillness is the Move", and Jay-Z highjacked that abstract song title and used it to describe what makes Bono so awesome

Does this even make sense?

“In hip-hop, there’s not many great performers,” Jay-Z acknowledged. “I look outside the genre, measuring myself against others. I look at Madonna’s production and envy that. Daft Punk’s set, I’m like, what the. . . . And I look at the way U2 can command an audience. Bono’s a performer pretty much like I am. He’s not a dancer; he’s not jumping around. He’s having a conversation. He’s using his stillness as movement.”

Damn. Bono. Using his 'stillness as a movement.'
Does 'stillness is the move' really mean anything, or is it just some poo poo abstract indie lyric?
Does it make u want to listen to 'Stillness is the Move' and connect with existential ideas?

Should I start using 'his stillness was his move' to describe other people in the real world?

Does this seem like a good application of 'stillness is the move'?
"The blacked homeless man had pissed and shat himself, laying passed out in the Chili's Parking Lot. His stillness was truly his move."

or

"My mom passed away that night in the County Hospital. The doctors did everything they could to save her, but now she was with God. Her body was at rest and her stillness was finally her move."

or

'The piece of poop fell out of my butt hole, falling into the port-o-potty. It fell into a massive swamp of human feces, united as one large mega turd, unphased by the falling pee and poop. The block of poop was moving in stillness. The stillness was its strength, it's move, it's escape. This is life, and stillness is the move.'

What does 'stillness is the move' mean?
Have u ever used ur stillness as a movement?
Is Jay-Z 'stealing alt culture'?
Will Jay-Z steal indie lyrics on his next album?
Would the Dirty Projectors be happy 'singing the chorus' on a Jay-Z song?
Is Jay-Z authentic, or are rappers just coolhunting high jackers?
Is 'Biting Orcas' the most important album of the 21st century?
Does n e 1 know if when Jay-Z sings about Brooklyn/NYC, he is singing about the 'hipster parts' or the 'black people parts'?

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Jay-Z

Alternative Celebrity, Alternative Entrepreneur

Jay-Z is a rapper who indie people like 2 consider authentic.

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Solange Knowles is the little sister of Beyonce Knowles who is trying to 'make it' as an indie artist. She is unlikely to have a credible career in the same genre/path as her sister, so she has had to 'go alt' to carve out an authentic path that she probably finds fulfilling / allows her to create her own identity.

NYMag did some sort of 'puff piece' / 'profile piece' about her existence / career / evolution from failed mainstream to indie schmoozing artist.

In February, Solange performed live with Dirty Projectors for the first time, at an Ace Hotel party populated by all manner of cool people (Spike Jonze, Jason Schwartzman, Terry Richardson, Donald Glover, Michael Stipe … ). They did Solange’s version of “Stillness Is the Move,” with Dave Longstreth head-bopping while playing the “Bumpy’s Lament” riff, then segued into Groove Theory’s 1995 hit “Tell Me” (Solange’s pick). She had only practiced with the band once, a few hours earlier in her hotel suite, and says she stumbled over her cue: “I was supposed to come out way later, but I couldn’t hear shit. It was awkward. I just started dancing.” The crowd certainly couldn’t tell, roaring their approval for the surprise guest spot. (Justin Theroux seemed to be particularly into it.) Afterward, Solange D.J.’d the rest of the event, then continued the party upstairs in her room along with Dirty Projectors.

Does this music journalism make u feel like 'u were there' witnessing this special event?
Will Solange 'make it' as an indie artist?
Will Solange become a high level alternative celebrity, or is she going to become the African American female version of Jared Leto?
Whatever happened 2 the Dirty Projectors?

Solange also tried to explain what her new album will sound like by declaring that white indie artists 'stole' music from black people:

“You have Vampire Weekend who have more African references musically than most African-American artists,” Solange says, by way of explanation. “As soon as I heard the Dirty Projectors song, it sounded like an R&B song. That happens when I listen to Of Montreal — I can hear so much funk shit that I grew up listening to … There’s so many different musical references in everything now that it just makes sense to take advantage of this moment.” She adds, laughing, “The white kids aren’t going to jack our style anymore! We’re taking it back!”

Do yall miss classic music journalism that tries 2 brand artists as being 'cool', 'up-and-coming', or 'buzzworthy'?
Is Solange going to 'make it' and get a 7.0-9.0 on pitchfork?
Is Solange Knowles the next Zooey Deschanel?
Is indie music born from African American music?
Did the human race really start in Africa?

Solange Knowles

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Solange Knowles is Beyonce's little sister. She is trying 2 appeal to alt audiences.

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Vampire Weekend

Buzzband

Vampire Weekend is a popular indie buzzband that is kinda mainstream and ppl always say 'they're s00 preppy.'

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