ALL | ALT REPORT | CLASSIC
Dogs
A group of animal loving alts protesting Michael Vick’s release from ‘the slammer.’
Photo via animal


Recently, an NFL quarterback named 'Michael Vick' went to jail because he had a huge dogfighting operation in his backyard. From what I understand, he would train pitbulls to fight at high stakes, underground, illegal dog fights. The dogs that were not 'tough enough' were drowned, hung, and electrocuted. Somehow, he got caught, then went to prison for like a year or two.

Recently, Mike Vick was released from 'the slammer.' He was signed to a new team called the Philadelphia Eagles, and a group of alternative people came out to protest not only his return to society, and particularly his return to the NFL. They believe that he should be 'in jail forever' for his crimes against dogmanity. They are also intent on illustrating that Michael Vick is 'not a role model', but it seems like modern society has already accepted the fact that athletes are not role models [via Charles Barkley marketing campaign].

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Seems 'obvious' that these 'winners of the genetic lottery' playing professional sports without much of a 'real education' are not role models. Seems like it would be sweet to be them, since you get a lot of money to do what you are 'naturally good at', but seems very obvious that athletes are 'not role models.'

It seems like Michael Vick went to prison for 'longer than rapists go to jail' and possibly longer than some 'drunk drivers who kill people' go to prison. From what I understand, since Mike Vick was 'famous', they decided to 'make an example' of him, even though he really didn't hurt a human or anything. It seems like it still might be 'bad' that he harmed some living creatures, but still plausibly 'not as bad' as harming a human. It seems like there are some people on the planet who love animals more than they love humans.

Dog fighting seems violent. I am not sure what the difference is between dog fighting, boxing, and 'MMA' is. It seems like it might all be creatures trying to 'fucking kill' one another.

I am not sure why people love dogs so much. It seems like it might be an 'American thing' where u r supposed to have a dog in order to have a perfect life. It seems like some people 'love animals' more than they love humanity. I feel like there are a lot of people who are the same way with the 'environment' or something. It seems most reasonable to 'care about other humans' more than anything else.

People really seem to 'get fired up' about animal rights.
Here is a group of AZNs doing some metaphorical protest in support of Animal Rights

Here are some lonely men getting their protest on & raising awareness about dog fighting.

It seems like animal rights bros are 'very angry' about this, and if they had their way, we would kill Michael Vick in the same way that he killed a bunch of dogs. Like we would dunk him in water, hang him, beat him, and electrocute him.

Should we forgive this 'criminal'?

I think his excuse was 'in my poor black community, dog fighting was not only a sport--but a way of life.' It seems like we shouldn't hold it against him for wanting to become the greatest dog trainer in the history of the Earth--he honestly might not have known that what he was doing was 'wrong', or perhaps he did it all because it was some sort of think piece to inspire us to analyze how humans hurt one another on a daily basis.

Hopefully he will be safe from protesters upon his return to the playing field. Not sure if this picture is real, but worried this might happen to him during a game if he returns.

Do yall know if 'dog fighting' is wrong?
Do u know if 'human fighting' is wrong?
Is it possibly to 'rehabilitate' people from 'the streets'?
Do football players 'fight' and 'harm one another' just as much as dogs do when they fight?
Do u support athletes, or are they just 'ass holes who get paid too much and do stupid things'?
Do dogs have 'human rights'?
Are 'underground animal fights' the new 'music festivals'?

Previous animal rights coverage

http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/08/animal-rights.html

The AltDog Mirrors Alternative Humanity


A lot of people probably remember the alternative dog, Minnie. He was 2007's #1 myspacer worth blogging about back when there used to be myspacers worth blogging about. (I think most myspacers with strong personal brands are developing youtube personalities now.) If you look at the altdog from 2007, you are reminded of the bloghousiest year in the history of the Earth. Back then, electro music was just invented, and we were all looking to escape from our indie / indiecore/ meaningful core pasts. Bright colours and zany accessories were the norm--we just wanted to express ourselves.

If you look at the altdog from 2k9.1, you'll notice a more subdued personal dog brand, representative of our current electro recession.

[Photo by Daniel Tishbi]
The implementation of the child predator glasses represent a sort of an alternative 'thinking man' who is resigned to his poor eyesight, but still eager to brand himself. His lack of neon clothing is a 'back to basics look', which is kinda like burning all of your neon altbro clothes, and moving forward with a pastel/earth toned personal brand.

It's kinda weird how it's already 2k9.
I'm nervous.
Should I make my blog layout 'less neon'?
What is the colour scheme of 2k9?
What is this year gonna be all about?
Which band will die in a plane/bus/van crash? [THE HRO PROPHECY]
Will 'alt' end in 2k9?
///////////////help

XX BONUS REFLECTIVE POEM XX


They were the best of times, they were the worst of times
They were the altest of times, they were the entry-levelest of times
A time b4 the mainstreamers
Invaded
And our retailers
reached out to the masses
who were trying to be alt
Mainstream became alt
and indie became electro
and electro became ________
I do not know electro
I do not know blog house
For I am a lone altbro
Trying 2 find his tug in the world
and differentiate his personal brand
2 turn tables and an Am Appy Hoodie
Miss the way things used 2 b
H8 the way things used 2 b
<3 the way things used 2 b

The #1 Myspacer Worth Blogging About in 2007

MINNIE aka DAVID M's Dog wins. Unfortunately, the rest of the myspacers didn't have the Top8ability that Minnie does. We encourage all myspacers to take more pix in 2008.

Thanks to a grass roots campaign, Minnie really took over, kind of like that Howard Dean guy.

Minnie has also launched her own myspace http://www.myspace.com/minniekilla187

Wants 2 grub

Reading it 4 the articles

Let's partie.

We'll always remember you, Minnie. 2007 was your time.


Send Minnie a friend request.
http://www.myspace.com/minniekilla187

[MP3 Remix of Minnie's profile song]
Crystal Castles Alice Practice (Futurecop! Remix)

Now you can look forward to another year of myspacers.
What type of spacers do you want to see in 2008?
The SoCal Mexican type?
Suburban artsy kids?
Kids in American Apparel?
Kids who just plain don't fit in?
20somethings from major metropolitan areas?

THE HIPPEST DOG ON THE PLANET

High Life? Maybe he'll chill with some PBR at night.

So blazed.

So Fresh

You dress like that sometimes too.

Isn't this how that one new cool band dresses now?

Chillin to UFFIE

MP3: Justice - The Party
MP3: Justice - The Party (Teen Video Remix)

By the way, he's David M's Dog

Buy Justice at Amazon.

American Apparel creates dog hoodies for authentic alt dogs.


American Apparel is always creating new, innovative products to improve the lives' of their consumers. The company has become a staple in the alt world, creating t-shirts, hoodies, and other stuff that alt ppl wear and other random ass pieces of cloth to wrap on ur body. Usually, the target market of consumers are human, but now it seems like they are launching an entirely brand new line for alt dogs. The hoodie is often worn by swaggy tweens, emos, pokemones, and cool dads who aren't wearing a cardigan. But now the hoodie is officially a dog-wave fashion statement.

R u gonna buy an American Apparel dog hoodie 4 ur alt dog?

Are hoodies functional 4 dogs?

Do these bro dogs look like mad alt chillers who know how to vibe super hard?

R u glad that 'big dawgs' can represent 2?
american apparel dog hoodie

Do these dogs look hella chill and vulnerable, like dark, emotive spirits hiding beneath the hood?

Can this 'save' Am Appy?
Should Am Appy become a dog store?
Should they sell exotic American pets and become a massive breeder?
Do u wear hoodies?
Are hoodies 'alt', 'tween', 'swag', 'cray', or 'trill'?
R u gonna buy 1 of these 4 ur dog?

Help.

WHAT IS THE MOST ALT BREED / TYPE / BRAND / SPECIES OF DOG?

Real Estate makes new dogwave video for 'It's Real.' Is it the best MP3 of the year?


After the dust settles and the indiesphere realizes that M83 was overrated and Bon Iver was boring, Real Estate's hit album 'Days' is a chill bro dark horse to win 'end of year' accolades depending on the editorial voice and mission of online websites that make lists abt what is relevant. The song 'It's Real' is so good that it gets annoying, but then you are like 'alright' it is chill, I guess I'll vibe to it again. Will it win MP3 of the Year?

Anyways, they decided to brand the song with some dog vibes. I guess that is chill. Sorta riding Marley & Me waves, making u feel all connected to the dog, then at the end the dog dies and you start crying, and ur all sad, and u think about how animals are kinda like mini-humans, except when a human dies, it is all heavy, and ur way sadder, but then u think about how much you loved the dog, a living, breathing organism, and u start to wonder what makes 'the human race' special, and ur like 'I swear my dog felt real emotions, real love', then u get all sad and wonder if ur gonna meet ur dog in heaven, and if it will recognize you because dogs have poor eye sight, sorta like the hit Eric Clapton song "Tears in Heaven."

Do u vibe 2 this song?
Do u like dogs?
Are u more into cat memes?
Do u want to live in NJ in a 4 bedroom apartment with a relevant buzzband?
Has ur dog ever died and made u sad?
Should Real Estate win 'album'/'song of the year'?
Or do they have to do a Kanye collab b4 they are 'taken more seriously'?

Natalie Portman walks her tiny dog thru the airport, acts like a mainstreamer

natalie portman dog
I just saw this picture of indie actress Natalie Portman 'walking her dog' thru an airport... It doesn't really seem very 'indie' of her, but I guess she is pregnant, and 'having a dog' is good practice 4 taking care of a baby.

Maybe it's just time 2 admit that Natalie Portman is a mainstream actress once and for all, and let go of my vision of her as a 'free spirited female broad' like she was in the Garden State. Maybe she was just acting... Maybe she's not really in2 the Shins...

Is it unchill of Natalie Portman 2 have a mini pet dog?
R u jealous of her husband Benjamin Millepied?
R u jealous of her dog?
Do u think she is just trying to create a 'Snacks the Cat' type of mascot for herself?
Will Natalie Portman's indie career suffer now that she has a child marinating in her womb?

Natalie Portman

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Natalie Portman is a mainstream actress who tries 2 maintain indie authenticity by starring in indie films.

Read more>>>>

Benjamin Millepied

Alternative Celebrity

Benjamin Millepied is a French choreographer and a principal dancer at the New York City Ballet. He is engaged to Natalie Portman.

Lists:
Read more>>>>
EXCLUSIVE PREMIERE: Toro Y Moi debuts new pet mascot pug in order to take down Snacks the Cat

toro y moi tote bag pug
Toro Y Moi is selling this new 'merch', which is the standard buzzband tote bag that cute lil girls can carry around their makeup 'a.k.a. whore paint' in [via overprotective dads], and bros can carry around vinyl records in and strike up conversations abt the kewl buzzband tote bag that they have.

Anyways, 'who cares abt the tote bag' except for ppl who buy goods + services from buzzbands instead of just waiting for merch leaks? The most important news is the debut of the new OFFICIAL Toro y Moi Mascot: A pug named Chi Chi the Pug.

Here is a picture of the dog that is RUMORED to be the new official Toro Y Moi mascot. He seems like a chill pug bro. Possibly more chill than Snacks the Cat...
chaz bundick pet dog pug

Do yall think Chaz should retire from being a buzzworthy human, and start 'hand modeling' [via George Costanza].

Will Chi Chi the Pug start a twitter account?
Will he be featured prominently on upcoming album cover/Toro Y Moi future branding?
Would yall rather chill with Cheech or Snacks?
R u gonna buy this tote bag?
Will Chi Chi the Pug have a solid career as an indie mascot?

Toro Y Moi

Buzzband

Toro Y Moi is a chillwave bro who hit the 2k10 album "Causers of This."

Read more>>>>