HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by Easy Fashion

I am not your standard bro.
I see the world with a different pair of glasses, which are not 'rose coloured.'
I mix elements of Christianity and the Matrix in2 my personal brand.
I do not believe in concepts like 'time', 'space', and 'love.'
I do not find pleasure in any sensory activities.
I try to have 'no aesthetic' but unfortunately people try to call me 'fashion forward.'
I walk down the street and people stare at me. They wonder 'what is up with that bro.' They would never be able to understand what is up with me.

"I" do not "exist." I am just sort of here to 'challenge' people and their 'realities.' I make you uncomfortable because I do not exist for the same reason you exist. I am a conceptual bro. I want to make u 'think' about 'the big picture.' Want to make u ask 'why?'

I want to be noticed. I do not want to be noticed.

This is me.
These are my rings (collected while my family vacationed in Arizona and New Mexico).
This is my cross. This is my faith.
This is me underneath my dark hood.

I am sort of like a 'fameball celeb' who makes u wonder WHY/HOW ppl get famous.
I am a think piece.
I am more than just a human who is 'alive.'
I exist for a reason that extends beyond 'general humanity.'

[Photo via Lookbook]

Dear Mom,
I h8 how u do not 'get' me 1 bit. U need 2 pay attention 2 me so that u don't end up looking like a dumbass shitface who 'doesn't care about her son' when u try to do something nice 4 me. Recently, u went to a local Best Buy to get me a meaningful gift to go with last Christmas's Macbook stocking stuffer. U decided 2 get me an iPod touch.

First of all... I already have an iPhone. Totally don't need an iPod touch. s00 dumb. U srsly should NOT be alive. U need 2 read more actual publications on the internet instead of reading the local paper from 2 years ago. U think ur smart because u 'have a career' but the shit u do is meaningless, and I would srsly slit my own throat and wrists if I had 2 do what u do every day. There's more to 'life' than ur version of life--I wish u could see it my way so that you'd understand my most recent personal brand implementation.

I SRSLY JUST TOOK A BOTTLE OF SLEEPING PILLS I AM SO PISSED OFF AT LIFE. /////

N e ways, Just wanted 2 let u know that record players are the new iPods. Just a more 'organic' feeling when ur listening to music. Like ur closer to the artist. (I might also give up my iPhone and only use pay phones.)

I h8 the idea of
1) purchasing mp3s
2) being 'so portable' just like every1 else
3) co-branding myself with white earbuds
4) having some ghey-metallic coloured iPod
5) being 'so connected' with a wifi connection
6) the audio quality isn't authentic
7) Apple is a BULL SHIT MONOPOLY
8) The recent Apple product recall because Steve Jobs's disease 'contaminated' a bunch of product lines

Record players are the future bc U have to make a decision about 'where u want to be' and make sure that your apartment/room/space is extra meaningful. It's also more difficult to 'collect vinyls' than it is to collect mp3s, so it makes you 'love music' more that typical people.

I wish u'd realize how 'out' iPods are. They are for high schoolers and overgrown tweens. Do u really think I look like this guy?

[Photo via Easy Fashion]

/// h8 the shit out of u, mom
/// we used to be 'bros' right after dad 'left us'
/// but now I am finally seeing
/// that I was the 1 worth leaving.

Love,
your altSon

PS: can u leave me some pizza money 4 the weekend?

[photo by Easy Fashion]
Yall might remember the Forever Young Alt:

Forever Young Alts never age. They never appear to get older. They don’t appear to have a definite gender.
You can’t tell how old ForeverYoungAlts are. He or she might be an 11 year old whose parents make too much money and let them go on an alt-shopping spree, or possibly a 52 year old who worked in graphic design before Adobe even existed.

Yall might also remember the Androgynalt:

Androgynalts, also know as ‘unisex alts’ are a rare breed of alt with a gifted body type, hair texture, facial structure, and personal brand.

This pictured person is a mix of both of these concepts. Part of u starts 2 wonder 'how young is that bro/broad?' but then u also kinda have 2 ask urself 'Is that a bro or a girl or a halfie?' Kinda weird how people want to look so young these days. I remember back in the 19_0s, people used to think that 'getting old' was sexy, because you became 'wiser.' These days, I don't think our society values 'how much knowledge about life' u have [via wisdom] because old people don't even know how young people live. They don't even know how 2 google--why should we respect people who are so inefficient? Makes me feel like the world that old people lived in was a 'stupid world' filled with 'stupid, slow, boring people.'

Don't know what I would do if I lived 'before the internet' but we have to remember that ForeverYoungAlts are a good representation of our inherent desire to 'stay current' and 'youthful' and 'vibrant' and 'forever young.' Just want 2 be connected 2 the world/memes/news/celeb gossip and stay 'more in the know' from the most authentic sources [via social media]. Can't be friends with people who still 'read the newspaper.'

Even if I physically age, will I be able 2 'stay young/connected', or will I eventually 'lose interest' in the things I once valued, and focus on raising my kids/getting 'fat' and 'disgruntled' with my life/the world around me.

Should I spend 2k9 trying to figure out how 2 stay 'forever young'?
Does n e 1 know what type of liquid is contained in the AltFountainOfYouth?

Can we officially name this Blipster "The Blippest Blipster Alive"? I know he may not be the traditional blipster who can only express himself with a tall tee (+ large print text) and some 'fly kicks', but I feel like if Blipsterdom had an 'essence', this bagbro would probably transcend it.

[Photo by EZ Fashion]

Or do u think we need to consider some other BlackAlt, like the TVoTR guy?

Or is it Santogold?

Or after recent events, can OJ Simpson finally prove that he is 'the altest man' within a mainstream society that can't handle his personal brand?

When some1's personal brand is so strong, can mainstream society contain them? If your personal brand is so strong, do the laws which govern most people no longer apply to u?

Remember when HERTZ rent-a-car decided to merge their brand with OJ Simpson's personal brand?

So who is the alt-est Blip in the world, and what sort of criteri(on collection) would u use 2 judge him/her?

[Img by EasyFashion]
It's kinda weird how AZNs are starting to get so image conscious. I wish we lived in a world where no1 cared about what n e 1 looked like. Maybe hijab fashion is the way to go. Maybe the Arab world is right, encouraging women to 'cover up' so no1 really thinks about 'bein sexie' or 'wearin keut clothes.'

It's getting so hard to have a unique personal brand. I'm willing to go to great lengths to fit in, but I don't know if I am dedicated enough to wear a pleather corset & get a progressive anime-haircut. :-(
Times r changing. Am I getting older? Do kids in suburbia wear corsets? All I ever wanted 2 do wuz 2 b authentic.

BUT SRSLY YALL...
Aren't yall glad that we get to live wirelessly? I would hate for my body not 2 have wireless capabilities.

[Photo by Facehunty]
I can't even imagine life before wireless internet when we had to be plugged into a wall, and it wasn't even that fast! But now I'm so spoiled. I am as free as my Mac Lappy. I can basically go n e where in the world, since there is a 3G wireless network of natural & social resources that allow me to 'disconnect from the machine.' Kind of reminds me of the move The Matrices starring Keanu Reeves, which I only watch because of the epic rave scene!

However, I was thinking of going 2 a thrift store to buy this retro iBook. What do yall think? Is it authentic to 'utilize retro technology'?

Should I get GPS installed on my vespa?

WHO AM I and/or WHAT DO I BELIEVE IN?

I enjoy this group of AZNs. The altest one is on the left, and they get progressively mainstream as you move towards the right.

Does n e 1 know what u call 'a group of AZNs'?
a) A murder of AZNs (crow humor)
b) A colony of AZNs (ant humor)
c) A kindle of AZNs (kitten humor)
d) A pride of AZNs (lion humor)
e) A school of AZNs (fish humor)
f) A coalition of AZNs (cheetah humor)
g) A whoop of AZNs (gorilla/gibbon humor)
h) A Swarm of AZNs (bee humor)
i) A bed of AZNs (oyster humor)
j) An army of AZNs (frog humor)
k) A cohort of AZNs (zebra humor)
l) A mob of AZNs (wombat humor)
m) A tuggle of AZNs (tugjob humor)
n) Choose.Your.Own.CollectiveNoun

Sorry if none of this information is new 2 u. Did yall ever have to take 'science classes' in elementary school, or did u just have 'free day' in the computer lab every day just like my gifted-and-talented school for the Visual Arts?

[Easy Fashion]

[Photo by Easy Fashion]
I like this keaut AZN boi wearing a shirt that crossbrands the Ghostbusters franchise with neon colors and sneakers. His zany glasses frames, understated man bangs, and ripped jeans also do well to establish his personal brand.

I am very interested in COLOR OUTS. You might remember the time Ratatat used COLOR OUTS for their press kits back in the year 2k8.6.

Does n e 1 even use the traditional BLACKOUT any more?
Even Crystal Castles doesn't use blackouts n e more. How do they make their faces invisible? Is that a photoshop plugin or something?

s0 rand0m/meaningfully quirky.

I have been blogging for like 2 blog decades now, and I haven't had the opportunity to showcase a fake sleeve tattoo. Fortunately, this quirky-meets-dreamy-meets-gothy bro was able to pull it off magically. The way the sleeve's skin colour matches his own skin is genius. Hiding the end of the sleeve under a kute skull wrist wrap is also [HIGHLY] fashion foward.

Can some1 plz invent a face sleeve tattoo mask that I can wear when I DJ?
Does any one know where I can locate an engineering firm that converts shuttershade frames to 'regular sunglasses'?
If I go into Supercuts and ask for the haircut of a minority who doesn't know he needs a haircut but instead feels k00l with too-long, greasy, matted down hair, will the stylist know how 2 cut my hair?

Remember when kids started to express their own personalities when they 'dressed up' for 'formal events' and a bunch of teens wore 'all back with a white/pink tie'?

Did u go 2 prom or were u 2 cool for it or what? Didn't have a gf/bf? Hope u didn't go in a group of friends. U r definitely either GHEY or 80% likely to die alone if u went to prom 'without a date but just in a group of friends.'

[Easy Fashion]

This is what it means to be an individual in the year 19__.

With so many pins and patches and ripped clothes, I wonder if every item is attached to her skin. 'Punks' have always perplexed me. Is that how you could classify some one like this?

I just don't think 'punk music' is worth listening to, or creating a social scene around. Particularly in the year 2008.

Where do people like this come from? Did they make bad decisions in high school? Did they pretend to read too much nihilist philosophy at an early age? Did they win a contest where the prize was a lifetime's supply of apparel from Hot Topic? Where do they find so many patches and pins of bands that aren't even excessively marketed to tweens?

Which 1 is worse:
a) Punk Girl With An Opinion in your sociology/philosophy/psychology class
or
b) Recently-Converted Vegan Lezbo With An Opinion in your sociology/philosophy/psychology class

Love yall and be urselves.

[Photo by Easy Fashion]

PS: Why does she use so many safety pins & paper clips as accessories?

XX BONUS SHITTY JOKE XX
'I'd hate to be behind her in an airport security line!'
-Carles's Comedy Central Showcase in 2010