HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by Yvan Rodic

I am the ice cream bro
with ice cream on my shoulders
hungry 4 sweet, frozen, creamy treats

I am not the man
driving a truck thru the poor part of town
selling ice treats to children
I am the modern ice cream man.

Still want to be as approachable as the mainstream ice cream man
might attach a boombox to my wardrobe
and play inviting music
letting people know
the Ice Cream Bro is coming

Ice cream. So many flavors.

Kinda represents how many different personal brands u can have.
Every1 has a different favourite flavor of ice cream.
No1 wants to be 'plain vanilla.'

So weird how u can make a metaphor about n e 1 with ice cream.
White people = vanilla
Black People = Rocky Road
AZNs = Ramen
Mexicans = bean and cheese
Gheys = rainbow sherbert
Jews = Latke ice cream
_________ = ____________

some people like ice cream
some people like froyo
also known as frozen yogurt

wonder if when i grow past my ice cream phase
then get 'health conscious'
if I will talk myself into being Froyo Bro

Might even start a self-serve frozen yogurt chain

encouraging people
to get crazy serving sizes
with even crazier topping selections

capn crunch
molten chocolate
oreos
reese's pb cups
fresh fruit
weird azn shit
human hair

might just buy a trusted froyo franchise like Pink Berry

might just buy a Baskin Robbins franchise

So many flaves

so many choices
so many ppl in this world

maybe ice cream
is what will set us free
cuz it represents
how we are all our unique flavor
unless ur into froyo
then u can just pour ur own cup
and add ur own custom toppings

Laters,
Ice Cream Bro

Will ice cream shoulder pads be the hot new summer look?
What is more authentic: ice cream or frozen yogurt?
What toppings do u get on ur froyo?

Photo via lookbooks

I remember when gangster rap came out, there was a trend called 'sagging.' Basically, u let your jeans/pants 'sag' below ur ass, showing off your underwear. It seemed like if you were a 'sagBro', it meant that you were somehow affiliated with a 'gang.' For those of you who don't know, 'gangs' were packs of minorities who banded together to brand themselves as 'violent hoodlums', and often got into disputes with other 'gangs' within their community. The wave of 'gang violence' inspired tons of films by 'deep' minority writers and directors, who wanted to present obvious/'progressive' ideas about life in the poor part of town. Most of these movies ended with a 'tragic death' by a minority who 'had potential' but succumbed to the 'disease of the streets' since community members killed 1 another instead of helping 1 another.

N e ways... It seems like 'sagging' might be a new trend that catches on, perhaps as a tribute to 'the way things used to be.'

These minorities seem to be 'trendy.' Not sure if they are 'authentic saggers' or if they are part of the recent post-ironic sag revival.

This bro seems 'innovative' for finding a way to make his skinny jeans sag. Sagging seems to say 'i don't care about the form/function of the traditional pant technology.'

It seems important to have 'nice underwear.' A lot of saggers utilized Loony Tunes boxers, or Tommy Hilfiger branded boxers. Not sure if I would wear something as simple as Old Navy boxers. Might utilize Am Appy briefs.

I srsly hope that 'sagging' is embraced by public school systems now that the gang-wave is over.

I am excited about this new era of sagging. I feel like it will give me an opportunity to rebrand my image without spending too much on new clothes. It might make me seem 'more ethnic'/like I am in touch with minority trends, and possibly help me look like I have a 'global perspective.' Not sure how sagging started. Seems not very functional, but still sorta stylish.

Just worried that I will be sent home from school if the hall monitor catches me. :-(

Do u think that sagging is 'back'?
Do u know if 'gangs'/'gang violence' still exist or do minorities just 'play video games' instead now?

This is a post about hoping that sagging catches on with keut females with 'nice asses.'

Photo via the cobrasnake

I'm searching mad hard for a summer look, yall. Just need to 'keep it fresh.' I am sort of looking for something that fits in with the modern world--not trying to copy aesthetics from the past several years. Thinking about getting some sort of bowl cut, but then also possibly having 'a lil tail' in the back [via mullet]. I just want people to know that I am 'willing to adapt' to trends, and that I'm not really stuck with just 1 mediocre look.

This summer, I think I want to be 'post-sexual', maybe a little bit like an androgynalt. Don't want people to know what sex I am. I want ppl 2 b attracted to me for 'what's on the inside' and not because of bullshit biological factors like 'gender' and 'sexual organs.' I just feel like we need to start realizing that you can make love with any1 if we want to have peace in the Middle East. We need to stop worrying about bullshit societal and biological norms.

But srsly yall, do u know any good summer looks? Wonder if gladiator sandals will come back--saw them selling some at WalMart.

Should I just go to the gym to 'get ripped' then buy some board shorts and get a summer job as a lifeguard?

If I get a record hat, will it melt in the sun if I wear it to a pool partie?

Yall I need yalls help. do u know any good 'summer stores' other than the local thrift store "The Old Navy"?

It's kinda weird how trends manage to 'catch on' as quickly as they do. All it really takes is some1 famous 'doing something' that 'sets them apart from the crowd', and the next thing u know, so many teens and tweens are copying the trend.

Take for example the Aretha Franklin big bow Obama Inauguration Hat meme.

It was actually more important than the actual ceremony, and probably more revolutionary than Obama's actual election. She really stole the spotlight from what was supposed to be Obammy's weekend. According 2 the most important bloggers and zany-news-generators, Aretha was the biggest story of the inauggy partie.

The next day, teens across America were looking 4 a way 2 be different. The path towards individuality had been laid out b4 them [via putting a big bow on shit].

Photo by Lookbook

Need 2 think about how I can convert my v-neck collection into 'something that makes me look modern.' Might put big bows on my clothing/Macbooks. Maybe just a Crystal Castles logo. Not sure if I actually 'believe' the bro in the picture, and think he might be some sort of performance piece, sort of like 'The Tween Version of Joaquin Phoenix.'

Kinda wish I could invent a fashion that 'went viral', kinda like shuttershades, or maybe even slanties, or maybe even the classic 'slept over at my bf shirt', or maybe even 'being a Jonas Bro'/Creating.Your.Own.Jousteece.Jacket.

Do yall know any trends that I need 2 b on the lookout 4?
Have yall ever 'copied a famous celebrity' 2 seem more like an individual?

Yall. I found out about this new product meme called SLANTIES. From what I read in the Wall Street Journal, they are attempting to replace shuttershades as 'the kewl new glasses that tweens will wear.' I think they were designed by some innovative designer who is good at both 'design' and 'branding.' Might be some sort of re-branding campaign for Asia since people see them as being 'rigid' and 'communist.'

I was a Teacher's Assistant for a Consumer Psychology course at Wharton (a Relevant Business School), and u can see the impact of AZNs on our modern society and global economy when you put on a pair of slanties. The concept behind the slanty is attempting to 'degrade AZNs', but also 'become one' with the AZN population.

"Slanties" is actually a derogatory term for Asian peoples, because their eyes are slanted, kinda like the glasses. The small 'slit' through which they can see is supposed to represent how AZNs can't really have a global view, and they are only really good at small tasks that they focus on, but this ingrained worth ethic is also what helped Japan and China to 'kick every1s ass at business, engineering, and everything else important.

Much like 'every 1 wanted to be black' back when rap/hip-hop/pre-Obama-african-american-culture was blowing up, these glasses are an attempt to re-brand the AZN as 'a race worth wanting to be.' Sort of like 'accepting their supremacy' as a viable group of peoples, a source of stuff/products/architecture/memes that look kewl [via Japan], and a model from which 2 build a functional economy.

Feel kinda weird about how AZNs are 'winning' everything. Used to think that they were sort of a 'novelty race' who were just trying to look kute, but I think I was focusing one the wrong ones that didn't actually represent the majority of the AZN population [via Gwen Stefani's AZNs].

[via http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/09/what-would-u-do-if-u-bought-azn-reader.html

Still feeling sad that America is 'losing ground.' worried about white people and their cultural identity.

Previous posts about AZN influence on the modern world
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/03/should-i-h8-azns.html

(is this the most beautiful alternative male ever posted on HRO?)

[via Stil in Berlin]
When I grow up into an authentic alt,
I want to be a beautiful man.
I want to be a beautiful man in manty hose.
I want to be a beautiful man in manty hose standing at the base of the Eiffel Tower.
I want to be a beautiful man in manty hose standing at the base of the Eiffel Tower being street fashion blogged about.

For the longest time, we have been trying to find out 'what's next' after skinny jeans. Will it be Oops I crapped My Pants pants? Or stepdad/standup comedian jeans? Or leggings? Or ginger peens?

There are just s000 many trends. Kinda wish I had multiple versions of 'me' to experiment a little bit more. Just want 2 stay modern, yall. So many gimmicks have emerged that I don't even know 'what's real' any more. Sort of just wish our government would create an international uniform. It could be colour coded, and we could bail out American Apparel/utilize them as the sole maker of global uniforms. America would be white, China would be red, Asia would be 'yellow', Africa would be black, South of America would be brown, and other generalizations like that.

h8 life. h8 our world. wish I didn't care abt material things.

XX BONUS BLIPPEST BLIPSTER ALIVE XX

I wonder if in the future, all 'black people' will look like this bro. Not sure if I should 'get my eyes removed' yet, or what type of optical lens replacement to look into.

Worried that he's turning into a contorted alt, yall! Is it authentic to 'take iron supplements' or should u just let ur body rot away [via lack of protein {via vegan diet}]?

[Photo by Last Nights Party]
2k10 will be a turning point for women. They will no longer be confined by fashion/design constructs, and they will redefine every article of clothing in order to create a more authentic method of expressing who they are [via the clothes that they wear]. Things will begin to get more conceptual, and advertisers will move to advertise on beautiful humans after the blog-ad market dries up/internet is rationed by Barry Obama.

If there is one thing our country needs now, it is a bail out of the following economies

• the nip stickies economy
• the 'chunks of pink/purple/blue in my hair' economy
• the free-spirited piercing economy
• the electro economy
• the banger economy
• the conceptualcore economy
• the meaningfulcore economy
• the fund for transitioning entry levelers to mildly authentic bros
• the bro economy.
• The meme economy

Hopefully we make it to 2k10 without a country 'getting zany' and dropping a nuculeaure bomb on 'us.' I am looking forward to more keut women in progressive outfits that do a better job of 'showing the world what God gave them.

I am excited about the future.
I am excited about the future of fashion/design/women.

In 2k8, I was able to make tons of mediocre posts heavily relying on the strength of the gimmick of Child Predator glasses. I'm not so sure if 2k9 will be easy. We are slowly but surely reliving the product lifespan of shuttershades. s00 popular at the beginning, but then got rlllly inauthentic.

[photo by click/clash]
I think what we're slowly realizing is that there's more to a Child Predator aesthetic than just glasses. A Child Predator is a direct threat to society, and looking like a child predator is less of a 'fashion choice' and more of a lifestyle choice. A ChildPred can strike at any time without warning. There is a certain level of free-spiritedness and 'I might kill U' zaniness that we can see in the eyes of Authentic Child Preds.

Putting on the lenses of a child pred does not enable u 2 c the world that they see.

This entry-level alt is indicative of the increasing inauthenticity rates among people who have branded themselves' with child pred glasses.

[via lookbook]
As soon as things reach the kids/entry-levelers, the personal brand image has been tarnished, rendering the look to be inauthentic for the next 7-10 years.

Maybe I am all wrong. Maybe the next wave of child predators will wear zany suspenders & kute white shoes to 'appeal 2 young kids.'

I will miss u Child Predator glasses.
(miss u shuttershades)
/// help
Which glasses will be 'next'?
Have yall heard of Wayfarers?

What is the future of the Modern Child Predator (Glasses)?
Will Child Predators be forced to Update their gimmick in order to appeal to modern kids?

Was this altbro injured, or is this a wrist warmer kind like how entry level alt grls wear leg warmers?

Haven't blggd abt gimmicky trends lately. Just tryin' 2 get 'back 2 basics' 2 search for authenticity. Saw an altbro the other day who was looking at a meaningful DJ setup. He had on a progressive watch that didn't rlly tell time & wasn't built the same way as m0st watches.

I think this watch with a time that never changes would be a great psychological tool to make ur life more meaningful. It would let u know that UR TIME IS NOW.
Now is the time for you to take your personal brand to the next level.
Now is the time 2 buy ableton and start ur sound project/electro duo with ur BFF.
Now is the time 2 'finally ask her out.'
Now is the time 2 move out of ur parents' house, get a job at a coffee shop 'while ur figuring out what u want 2 do', and try 2 get ur portfolio 2gether for ________ school.
Now is the time 2 go on that meaningful roadtrip u had been planning to a major music festival.

//UR /// TIME // IS // NOW
\\\ NVR \\ GIVE \\\\\ UP
[Photo by Thefriendattack]

Speaking of watch technology....
do yall know how I can get an indiglo screen on my Macbook?

(Might invest in indiglo tecknologie in 2k9.)

[Photo by GlamCanyon]

Yall. I've been seing alts wearing these sillie pants for the past couple of blog weeks, and I've been wondering what to call them. Do u think they are significant threat to skinny jeans, or are boot cut jeans about to 'come back'? Or are stepdad jeans/standup comedian jeans the future?

Even blipsters are wearing these altGenie pants, yall!

[Photo by The Arab Parrot]

So what should we call them?

• genie pants
• altGenie Pants
• Poopy McPoop Pants
• SHIT HOLDERS
• Pants Where Ur P00P can chill in for a while
• "Oops I Crapped My" Pants

I think I prefer OOPS I CRAPPED MY pants because they already have a commercial.

[Alternate Link for nonAmericanz]

What do yall think?
Will altBros really be willing to give this look a try?

SLEEP MASKS = The new Glasses Without Lenses?

Not Being Able to See = a viable alternative to ordering a bottle of Grey Goose?

[Via TheFriendAttack]

If you own stock in the headband industry, I would certainly continue researching emerging trends. There are new headband competitors that give you a fresh look, while at the same time being able to wrap around your head.

Here are two industries worth checking out:

Eye Patche Industry

Davy Crockett Hat-Making Industry

More Pictures @ theCobrafriend