HIPSTER RUNOFF

I'm just a polar bear
the distant cousin of the Panda Bear
Living in the Arctic/Antarctic
Every day big pieces of ice that I live on
begin 2 melt away

kinda sad
so many humans
ruining my vibes
by driving 'gas guzzlers'

but recently, humans started driving Hybrid Cars
which use a lil bit of gas
and a lil bit of electricity
has really helped out
shits not melting as much any more
it's rlly sweet

I decided to go on a lil 'road trip' to visit a human
who recently bought a NISSAN LEAF HYBRID AUTOMOBILE
just to say 'thnx'
Even though he didn't realize it
he really helped me
and I just want him 2 know that he is a chill bro
for riding the electric car wave

Swam in the ocean
crawled thru the forest
walked thru relevant major metropolitan areas
Walked down highways
Visited a few chill places, bought some souvenirs
Even lived in a sweet loft in Brooklyn
but ultimately felt more alone than evr

Anyways, eventually got to that bro's house
and hugged him
Dude thought I was gonna kill him
but I was like 'no bro--thnx 4 buying a hybrid. U saved my life.'

Then he was all like "Dont know who the eff u r.
I wanted to buy a Hummer
but ended up in this lil piece of shit car
Know the gas is cheap
but still
feel like a pussie when I drive it around."

Then I was like "I live on an ice cap
thanx for not melting it."

Then he said "Global Warming is Bull shit.
Go back 2 ur g-d hippie college
and leave me alone with ur liberal propaganda
[via the Daily Colbert Show]"

I went ahead and caught a JetBlue flight home
so I could watch TV during my flight.
Feeling kinda dumb
Like a long distance love affair that didn't work out.

I feel like a huge piece of shit
I wish my ice cap igloo house had just melted away
and a huge piece of ice cut me in half
killing me, taking me out of my misery

Humans are kinda lame
Not sure if they 'get' the environment
or if they really care abt animals like me/relevant ecosystems
Seems like they only care abt hybrid cars
for the sake of 'status'

Just kinda sux that everything
is abt branding + consumerism
instead of 'doing it 4 the right reasons'
2 save the polar bears

I'm still alone
No1 understands me
I'm completely fucked

Nothing can save our Earth/world/environment/society
It doesn't matter what I do with my life
who I am nice 2
what I believe in

We're fucked.
Goodnite world
Sad/Dead on the inside

//////////

Can we save the environment [via carbon emissions] or is it already effed?
If I buy a hybrid, will some sort of animal come 2 thank me?
Do hybrid cars even make a difference?
If a panda bear/ polar bear hugged u in ur driveway would u try to kill it?
Is global warming = bullshit?
Should I buy a Nissan Leaf or does it look like a clown car?
Are the ice caps rlly melting, or is that an old wives' tale?
Should all animals be preserved 4evr in man-made environments at regional zoos?
Should ppl 'walk' instead of buying hybrids?
Will polar bears come 2 kill us if we keep melting their igloos?
Do u h8 environmentalism?

It's always weird when a band/famous person becomes an advocate for change, especially when they are 'raising awareness' for a problem that I wasn't really aware of. One could make the argument 'out of sight, out of mind' is a good thing. Like if you knew too much about the world's problems, then u might become paralyzed with fear/h8 for humanity, realizing that 'things would never change' and evil will always live on this planet. But it's also kinda good because if you know more 'issues', then you are more interesting.

I was 'completely unaware' that clubbing seals was a huge problem in our world. I have honestly never seen any1 wearing or eating seal. For some reason, I have 'never had a desire' to wear seal/miscellaneous exotic animal fur. It seems out of my price range, since I am just a suburban upper-middle class alt, and I would rather spend that kind of money on consumer technology instead of clothes. Maybe if Am Appy 'branded' animal fur, I would be interested.

Clubbing seals 'seems unchill.' Like some1 who listens to horrorcore music would be a seal clubbing bro.

I feel like 'seal clubbing bros' should be eliminated from the Earth. I am glad that I learned about this cause. I have an opinion about it, and I understand that is wrong, but I am not sure what else I can do to prevent companies and humans from clubbing seals. It seems unchill to skin animals just to wear them. Like the people who value animal fur are 'severely troubled' and have 'a very stupid perspective of the world'--like they didn't go to school and learn stuff. I think that some1 needs to make a movie about seals similar to 'March of the Penguins' so that people think that seals can have a group brand that is 'cute enough to save/care about.' It seems like humans care about cute animals.

Really just happy that AnCo 'made it.' Feel happy that a band from my range of tastes has ascended into 'activist relevancy.'

Can't believe AnCo is such a relevant celebrity. As famous as the homosexual blogger, Pedro Hilton.

Even larger than the star of the recent teen dramedy "She's All That."

AnCo can do as much change as the world for star of 'Laguna Beach Cribs', Brody Jenner.

I feel excited for AnCo. A lot of people think that AnCo 'is going to cross over.' They keep waiting to hear them on the mainstream radio. I feel like 'lending ur brand' to a PETA campaign seems like u have 'made it.' Like if Pitchfork had some sort of 'humanitarian ratings', this would probably be around a 9.6.

Celebrities Speak Out Against the Seal Slaughter.

'U can create all kinds of textures with all kinds of fabrics.'
-Panda Bear, 2k9.8

'U can create all kinds of textures with all kinds of sounds.'
-Panda Bear, 2k4evr

Feel like my whole life make sense now that 'Animal Collective' has truly become 1 with the Animal Kingdom Collective of Real Animals.

Honestly feel sad/disturbed after watching seals being murdered. Will probably think of seals being clubbed every time I listen to AnCo from now on, even when the themes are happy. :-(

Vintage HRO post [via 2k8.1]
Remember the time Panda Bear and his wife designed hoodies?

Previous Animal Rights Posts
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/animal-rights

As yall know, tons of alternative people have recently purchased hybrids and started 2 ride bikes in an effort to 'go green.' It seems like they don't realize that they are still 'fucking corporate sellouts' because they are still supporting multibillion dollar companies. I feel like there will be a new wave of activism called 'The Green Animal Rights Movement' that will mix 'going green' with fairly utilizing animals as a method of transportation.

It seems like owning a horse might declare 2 the world that u r an individual who 'truly understands' that the world is an ecosystem, and we need to start relying more on other humans and animals. I feel like a lot of indie aesthetics sort of allude towards 'going back 2 the wilderness.' Seems like horses might be the way to get there. Most people think that they should be 'worshiped' for 'going green' but they don't realize that they are just 'adapting 2 the evils of modern society.' Truly alternative people will find a way to break free from society.

Feel sad that most of my bros just bought their first Priuses with their first job's salary. As if they are 'saving the world' but also trying to cryptically 'look rich.' Kinda weird when people who 'used to buy BMWs' start 2 buy hybrids 2 seem like they 'care about the environment.

I feel like a middle aged man driving a Prius is the tween equivalent of an entry level alt wearing an Am Appy headband.

Sorta just want to get a 'keut alt GF' and ride in2 the sunset. Maybe we won't move 2 Paris, but maybe we can move to a rural area in America and buy a lil farm or something? Maybe life is just abt lowered expectations.

Not sure what sort of facilities you need to own a horse, or if there are any 'traffic laws' for horseback riding within the city. I feel like riding a horse might be more authentic than 'riding the subway' since so many people on the subway don't even realize the beauty of public transportation--sometimes it degenerates into a celebration of 'being stuck in ur life.'

Still kinda sad that Barbaro was executed. Miss him like I miss Heath.

Do yall know of any good animals 2 ride?
How do u transcend society on a daily basis?
Do u shop at Whole Foods?

PHOTOS BY CLARISSA ROUDABUSH VIA freewilliamsburg

As you know, I have refrained from blogging about the Girl Talk live experience because of his increasing levels of inauthenticity. However, I noticed a lot of terrible things happening at his show that have to do with one of my biggest passions--'going green.' For those of you who don't know, the phrase 'going green' relates to 'doing shit that will help 2 save our environment and keep humans around 4ever.' As u can see, Girl Talk's show is not very 'green.' Not sure what the opposite of 'going green' is.

It seems like the Girl Talk is a 'celebration of waste', like they are just converting a local park into a 'huge fucking dumpster.'

Not sure if toilet paper shooting technology really enhances the live music experience. Most bands I have seen did not construct 'waste machines' that fling paper into the air--instead they focus on making authentic indie rock.

People even find a way to use the wasted toilet paper as 'temporary clothes', then they probs 'wiped their metaphorical asses' b4 throwing it on the ground.

Probably is some sort of 'status symbol' at Girl Talk shows, much like mainstream kids are 'proud of their Abercrombie', alts at GT shows are 'proud that the Lord delivered them some toilet paper'

Photos like this make me 100% certain that the ice caps will melt, and the oceans will flood 90% of the land on Earth during my lifetime.

If I had some tweenage kids, I probably wouldn't let them attend a Girl Talk show. Not only are there structural dangers when it comes to '200 kids crashing a temporary stage', but also it seems like a 'big ass' 'tweenage fuckfest.'

Seems really unchill. Worried that there are 'altbro predators' there.

Ultimately, I am enraged that Girl Talk promotes such waste. We are trying to save the environment, but it seems like his live show figures that if 'shit gets crazy', then it is worth it. The concept of 'toilet paper' is wasteful, as is the act of 'shooting that shit into the air on top of a sea of alts.'

Ultimately, I am sad that Jaime, the latino man who works as a foreman for the Parks and Recreation Department will have to clean up the mess.

Put litter in its place.
Support GREEN artists.
Save the Environment.
Save Jaime.

PHOTOS BY CLARISSA ROUDABUSH VIA freewilliamsburg

Feeling sad in a celebration of waste.

Yall. I'm not sure if this is a product improvement, or just some sort of marketing gimmick. I drink at least 8 bottles of water per day, 3 bottles of soda per day, 2 cans of Sparks per day, and 4 aluminum bottles of Bud Light per day. Maybe it is time I start thinking about my personal impact on 'the environment.' Might have to start drinking boxed water, boxed milk, and possibly even boxed beer. Just want to 'lower my carbon footprint.'

Sometimes I don't 'get' why ppl care about 'the environment' so much... It's like they think that we're 'going to be around 4ever' and 'we should care about ppl who live after we die.' I think we should do everything we can 2 find pleasure in our lives' while we can. We don't have much time, and if we start worrying about 1 person can't make a difference, so don't make a 'sacrifice' if not every1 else will.

N e ways... might start a company where we bottle the tap water from our local aquifer and market it to people not from our region bc it is s000 g0000d.

Photo via Tap'd NY

I don't rlly 'get' the Bottled Water Industry. It seems like every1 has 'the same product', but for different reasons, ppl tend to 'like' one type over the other. I feel confused. I feel like I am being manipulated to align my personal brand with a lifestyle brand. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to be one of those people who carries around the 'cheap kind' of bottled water for poor people who buy in the bulk.

but srsly... do yall know if some1 has scientifically proven that 'recycling is bullshit'? If I were mayor of a city, I would give ppl recycling bins, but just take all of that trash 2 the landfill.

ughh... h8 all of these mrktng initiatives to try to 'make me feel guilty' about how fortunate I am. Went shopping the other day at Target, and this lil black kid was chilling in my cart asking 4 handouts.

Photo via WebUrbanist via Tumbledore

I feel guilty for being so privileged and having a world of opportunities at my finger tips. h8 when ad gurus create these design/advertising/marketing memes that challenge my reality just bc they are trying to 'sell something.'

Leave me alone /
Let me 'be wasteful' /
Stop reminding me abt /
the 3rd world /
And other sad shit /
like mortality /
and global sustainability /