HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by Weird Vibes dot biz

Cover your ears, son
For they are not ready 4 the vibes emitted
from the purest of the buzzbands
Stand back, watch the buzzband
Look at how buzzworthy they look

This,
my son
is a buzzband.
This is a buzzband.

Feel
FEEL the vibes of buzz come ur way
let them soak into your skin, beautiful son
Let them sink deep into your soul

This, son, is a buzzband.
This is what a buzzband sounds like, son.
This is what a buzzband looks like, son.
This is what the buzz feels like, son.

I worked hard to ascend into relevancy
Ensuring that my son was born into the VIP area
VIP bloodline
But I still want him to value VIP
as a privilege, not a right

Oh the VIP areas you'll go!

I have high hopes for you
One day, you will be the artist making the buzz
My relevancy outdated, I will celebrate the dead buzzbands of yesteryear
But you carry on our family legacy, son

I will look at you fresh, young, 20something face
and think of my 20sometimes
and wish eternal 20somethinghood upon you
Reading content on the internet, empathizing with an eternal global 20something zeitgeistian spirit

We do not have time for youth sports
You will take piano lessons
Guitar lessons
Ableton lessons
SP-404 lessons

You are the Good Son
The Chosen Son
The Buzz Son

Cool Dads, be good to your lil alts
Lil Alts will love like you do
AltQTs become altbaguettes who turn into alt celeb QTs
So free-spirited moms, be good to your AltQTs too

Son, you shall remember this day
When you saw, heard, felt, smelt, vibed ur first buzzband
The buzzosphere is ur oyster
Carpe buzz.

Don't go gently into that irrelevant content stream
Rage, rage against the dying of the buzz

******
How old were u when u heard ur first buzzband?
Will u become a cool dad who takes his son to relevant buzz shows?
Will u favor ur buzz son over ur buzz daughter if ur daughter is not altQT enough?
R u worried that ur alt kid will be born into VIP status instead of earning it like our generation?

Photo by thecobrasnake

I used to be a lot like you when I was your age. A twenty something without a job. Yeah, I was a smart dude too. Believe it or not, I went to college too. Didn't cost as much when I went, so I'm not in debt and desperate for a job like you, but I've had a good life. Am I rich? Nope. Have I had great life experiences? Hell yeah!

And I look alright, don't I? Yeah. I still party. I can still hang with the best of 'em. I can still chill. U smoke weed?

You got a good outlook on life, kid. A good way of life. Don't listen to the mainstream machine that wants you to be like THEM. You and ME are on a team together. Yeah, we're outsiders. When they look at us, they don't necessarily understand us... but at the end of the day, who is really happy? Them in their houses in the suburbs with alarm security systems guarding their stainless steel fridges? Or you and me, gettin high off our asses and fallin' asleep who knows where every night.

Oh your parents got you an apartment still? That's nice of 'em. Last time I asked them for money they gave me a $200 Visa giftcard and told me not to come on their property for 10 years. You can't buy a gram with a Visa Giftcard, that's for sure.

U ever bet your life on an NBA playoff game?

It's good of you to spend some time with your Uncle. I know your mom and especially your dad didn't want me around when you kids were young. But they were probably right. Honestly I couldn't have made it to your house any ways because I would usually go on holiday bonus benders, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms.

You get pussy? Yeah. I'll bet you do. U think a guy like me gets pussy? Ask me when's the last time I got pussy. I got pussy last night. Don't ask me how she looked though! I'm just kiddin' she's a good girl. Actually I've been thinking of asking her to marry me. I'm thinking of settling down a little bit more. Actually maybe not

U do drugs? Yeah I've done a lot of drugs. Dope. Grass. Weed. Smack. Smut. Horse. Powder. Pop. Speedballs. Hogballs. Dope balls. The Brown. The Black. The Purple. Purple balls. Acid. Fluff. MDMA. Brazilian bikini grass. Mary Jane. And her sister too. Some of the highs were real, real good. Did I OD? Maybe. I don't remember.

U ever live at the YMCA for a year?

Yeah. At the end of the day. I'm a weed guy. I don't like drinkin' too much. Makes my belly hurt. But grass. Grass makes Pappy feel real, real good. I like to watch a good baseball game and smoke some grass, that's for sure.

Yeah we're a lot alike. We should hang out more. U like this grass? What bands u been listening to? U ever heard of Woodstock? YEah I wish I coulda gone to that. Yeah I've hearda that band... U think I'm too old, huh? I got surprises. I got a laptop. I know how to google. I even got a facebook. Does I use it? Hell no. I get my pussy other ways.

U ever been involved in a prostitution ring? Nevermind.

Obama huh? Nah. I voted for this local candidate who wants to legalize grass. The way I sees it, if we just pay for all our debts selling good, clean dope to good people like you and me. Yeah, I've had bad experiences (mostly with powders and synthetics) but at the end of the day, these pharmaceutical companies would love to sell dope. I mean hell. People is always addicted to something... Might as well be some good green bud.

U know how far the American dollar goes in the Pacific Rim? I lived there for 10 years after I won some money on a scratch off ticket.

I didn't go to college. Nope. But I learned more from life anyways. I served in the military too. I didn't see active time, but I am a veteran. Yeah we partied. I see a good benefits check every month. Don't tell Uncle Sam what I do with it...

U ever grown poppy? Afghanistan was a hell of a country before 2001.

Yeah we're a lot alike. I used to be like you. I mean, life really is about finding urself. It's a process. To tell the truth, I'm still lookin' for me. But that's the thing. They tell you life's a destination. But you know.

It's real good of you to hang out with your Uncle. I got a lot of friends. But don't get me wrong. Family's family. Do I hate your dad? Hell yeah I do. Do I respect him? Yeah.... I do. At the end of the day I do. He went after a dream that I didn't want. And hell... I went after a dream he didn't want. Who had a better life? Only God knows.

You know, kid. You're at that point. You're here doin' all that mary jane, that hoo-hah, the good stuff. And you are about to decide. Do you wanna be like Daddy, or do you wanna be like Good Ol' Uncle Pappy?

Happy 4/20 from ur Deadbeat Uncle!

How did U celebrate 4/20?

Photo via lookbook

You might remember the time I told u
abt how my little brother was turning alt [link]
Well it's official
The little mother fucker is 'way more alt' than me

Don't get me wrong
I'm a pretty alt bro myself
but this has gone 2 far
My little brother
is officially the alt-est dude at his suburban high school

I know it's not saying much
but you should see his hair
the clothes in his closet
his iTunes library
his Google Chrome bookmarks start page filled with alt blogs
his stack of college applications to relevant alt programs
his 'snarky beyond his years' attitude

He srsly reads more blogs than me
Downloads more music than me
Starting introducing me to a few bands that I actually like
Is probably going to get to go to my dream design/art/architecture school

Don't get me wrong
I'm happy for him
...but maybe I just see what is in his future
The drugs, the partying, the loss of mainstream innocence

I've gone down the alt road
And dare I say...
I want him to have a better life than I did
Here I am, a worthless 20something
Standing, watching my little brother
abt to go down the same road that I went down
x 100000000
'balls 2 the wall' alt

I want to have an intervention,
tell my parents abt the downfalls of being alt
Warn them
Make him go to a local state school and major in business/engineering

But it's his life
Who am I to intervene?
He's a good kid, doing well in school, tons of extracurriculars
but I know exactly what's gonna happen...

I don't want him to get hurt
I have gone 2 the edge of alt
and what do I have 2 show 4 it
A worthless degree, a dead-end job that is not in my creative field
and crushed dreams, a crushed soul

I'm not gonna tell u how 2 live ur life
I'm not gonna tell u what 2 do
I'm not gonna tell u what's authentic, what's not
I'm not gonna tell u 2 cut ur Flock of Seagulls alt haircut

Be ur own self
Be alt, u'll have fun
But just know
Ur personal brand is evolving
I want u 2 be who u want 2 b
I want u 2 be happy

But whatever u do
Don't end up like me, lil bro
Be alt...but be cautious
Some of the best moments of my life happened because I was alt...
But maybe...
just maybe...
I'd have more long term happiness
if I decided 2 be a mainstreamer.

I love u

Forever here 4 u,
Your formerly alt bro

PREVIOUSLY
My little brother is turning alt. Should I stage an intervention?

Do u have a sibling who is 'too alt' at a young age?
Are they 'authentic'?
Are the headed for a world of pain + disappointment + disillusionment?
Or are they going to live a fulfilling alt life, starting a relevant buzzband/blog/webzine?
Or will the 'fall hard', harder than the current crop of failed-alt 20somethings?

Carles

Alternative Celebrity, Blog, Meme

Carles is the popular blogger from the popular internet website HIPSTER RUNOFF.

Lists: mysterious, indie hunks, HIPSTER RUNOFF bros, chillwave, bloggers

Read more>>>>

As yall know, I haven't been posting as much lately. I have some great news to relay to yall. I finally got married. It was a beautiful ceremony, and we even had one of my art school bros create a video for us that is really in line with our alternative brand. So many tacky ass people get standard wedding photographers to document their weddings. I think the goal of those photographers is to 'make the bride look skinny', and justify the groom's role in the wedding by taking a few meaningful 'bro pix' that really make it clear that the groomsmen are an 'authentic can of bros.'

N e ways, our conceptual video turned out pretty amazingly. We used the hit song "Sleepyhead" by the Passion Pits as 'our song' since it really represented our 'new lease on life.'

Just wanted every1 at the wedding to 'know who we are'
'what we're all about'
Understand that we are more than just 'any other lame couple'
who is uniting together for tax benefits

Beautiful ceremony
Beautiful bros
Beautiful bitches
Walking around conceptually
moving arms, facing zany angles
metaphor 4 how we are 'obtuse as shit' in a right angled society

Eff dress shoes
Wearing some Converse
[via Best Coast / Vampy Weekend collab]

Feel like everything was perfect
for 1 night
we were all sleepie heads
A feast
a carnival
a partie
an electro rave without any deaths
Feel like my immediate family
and my extended family
finally realized 'who I am' as an alternative person
and how I 'see the world' in a different/abstract way

Just want to drive away with my lover
Riding the minivan wave
2 our honeymoon on the concrete beaches of Brooklyn

Are yall gonna have an alt wedding?
What indie song is going to be 'yalls song'?
Did this video 'kill it'?
Is this couple 'the most authentic couple in the world'?
Do u think they will be happy forever, or will they get divorced when 1 of them decides that Passion Pit is 'too entry level' 4 them, then the other 1 gets defensive because the song 'means a lot' 2 them?
What are u gonna do at ur wedding to make sure u don't have a mainstream, middle class wedding?
Do u feel sad when u see high school/college acquaintances 'getting married', 'looking happy', and ultimately having an upper-middle class tacky-wave wedding?
If ur not going to be rich, is the only thing left to do with ur life 'get married and pop/poop out a few kids'?

Passion Pit

Passion Pit is a bleepy bloop indie pop band that tons of entry-level alts <3.

Lists: 2k9 buzzbands, mindie (mainstream indie)

Read more>>>>

Photo via lookbook

Hey yall. This is actually a serious post for once. I recently went home to visit with my family, who I usually don't like to talk about on my blogsite since they mean a lot to me (at least since the divorce). However, I experienced something that I need help coming to terms with, and I feel like a lot of the RanoffCommunity could help me with some strategies on 'how 2 deal.' I guess I just wanted to say... my lil brother is turning alt.

What should I do?

I feel like I could help him become an authentic alt, but I don't know if there is a 'roadmap' towards altdom that he could follow. I became alt very organically, so it is just troubling to see him dress like an alt without actually 'living the life' that I have lived. His look is so tidy, as if it was purchased from the local shopping centre. I am not sure how to feel about his aesthetic. He can't even grow 'real' facial hair yet. Part of me is happy 4 him, but part of me is jealous that he has more alt opportunities than I had while I was growing up.

I looked in his dresser and saw that he had a 'collection of scarves.' Nearly constructed a 'noose' out of them and hung myself.

Well yall. While I'm getting personal, I might as well talk a lil bit about my sister. She's 16, and she's grown up so fast. I was always worried about her 'becoming a slut', and I don't think she has really been 'tainted.' I think she wants to go to Pratt, or some stereotype like that, even though my parents have saved enough for her to go to a State University.

(Also I think she started smoking... Not sure whether or not I should have an intervention or if I should let her get the cancer.)

Not gonna worry about her...she's gonna make her own decisions.
I guess that's life... u can choose ur friends but u can't choose ur family. I guess I should just be happy that they are searching 4 meaning, attempting 2 be alt... attempting to express themselves... I guess 'alt blood' sorta runs in the family.

Whenever I have a question about life, I can always just ask my grammy.

Photo via yvanrodic

It's kinda weird how she has become more alt as time has gone on. I'm not sure if she's 'losing it', or if living so many years on this Earth can teach u a few things about life, society, indie music, and zany fashion-forward fashions. I don't even know if she is 'trying' 2 be alt... It seems like she has a way of finding all of tomorrow's fashions without even trying. Might go to my local drug store to buy some 'old ppl glasses.'

I feel better. It was a good weekend at home. I guess I should just learn how to be happy for my family. Let them grow up. Let them make their own mistakes. U just want every1 to be happy, enjoy their youth, make their own decisions.

I'm afraid 2 die. Afraid of 'loved ones' dying.
Should I 'beat the shit' out of my brother/sister 4 being an 'inauthentic piece of shit'?
Are old ppl 'naturally alt'?
How do u deal with ur siblings and the impact of 'modern consumer culture' on their identity construction process?

I want to be a better alternative son.
I want to let my family know who I am.
I want them to know what I find meaningful.
I want them to understand what I find humorous.
I will take the time to explain myself and my interests to them.
I will invite them to participate in team-building activities which will bring us closer together.
These activities will include making meaningful vlogs, starting a tumblr together, and actively commenting on one another's flickr photos.
We will take 'myspace style' photos together with our faces smashed against one another [via a high angle].
My family will 'get' me. For Christmas, I will not have to give them anything, because I am a pleasure to be around all year.
I am a gift.
I will go to church with my family even thought I don't believe in G-d.
I will eloquently express my opinions on issues which might differ from their opinions.
One day, I will take my alternative family to an alternative event, such as a music festival. They will see the world that I see. They will see that their son has found the best way of life. They will be proud of me. They will also be a little bit jealous of me.

I'm not sure if yall have noticed, but I HIPSTER RUNOFF is going to start pushing a 'progressive conservative alternative agenda.' I want 'authentic family values' mixed with 'authentic altness' so that we can strengthen or local scenes, & help every1 feel like they are part of a special movement that is bigger than ourselves.

I want us to reach out to people from our past who we didn't connect with, and even to our parents so that they can understand that we have found a better way to live life. We need more alts in the world, and we need to let them know that they can be a part of the family.

I was particularly touched by an email from an HRO reader who is trying her best to make the world a little bit more alt. She made her mother an authentic Birthday Card.


What can u do 2 make the world a better place?
R u going to make ur family a slideshow in Keynote for Xmas?
R u going to promise 2 make ur mom 1 bloghouse mixtape per month?
Are you going to go around town and hang up meaningful signs typed in Helvetty?
Now that Barry Obammy is Pressy, we have to do more to make sure that we r making the world a better place. If a black man can become President, then I believe every mainstreamer can become alt.

We need more Arts N Crafts funding in our suburban communities 2 fight depression + suicide.