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Yesterday, I used my Palestinian scarf for something functional. I was attending a large outdoor concert, and I had to urinate. I had to walk to the edge of the property in order to use the portable restrooms that were provided by the festival promoters. As I approached 'the facilities,' I could smell something 'sterile' but also something 'incredibly disgusting.' As if I was standing on the sidelines of a battle between the pungent smell of poo and the cleaning agents that people poo and pee into within portapotties. I covered my nose and mouth with my alternative scarf, as if I was 'actually in the Middle East', and there was a 'massive sandstorm'/fire fight with American troops.
I walked into the portable restroom, and I saw a urinal to the left which had a pipe connecting to the large pool of waste below the toilet seat. I peered down the toilet seat and saw a mountain of feces with a blue tint, matching the royal, synthetic colour of the simulated toilet water. I attempted to hold my breath, but my body's natural desire for air caused me to take in an intense 'whiff' of the excrement of several hundred people. For a moment, I felt like I wanted to vomit, but then I realized that there was beauty in this metabolic breakdown of your body's essential needs. Found beauty in the fact that while I usually 'see people eating' and bond with humanity while sharing feasts...for once I was able to share with 'what comes out of humans.' As if I realized that eating was just a means to this end--pooping.
I looked down at the huge pile of shit stewed with urine, and admired it. For the first time in my life, I felt 'not alone.' I feel like I truly understood that maybe we're all the same. We all eat, we all feel like children, and we all have to poop. A warm smile came over me, as I decided to 'drop a few pieces of love' on top of this pile of humanity. The logs creamed out of my ass hole, as if God had opened up a trendy frozen yogurt shop--no wiping necessary--a clean breakoff executed by my contracting anus. I got up, and saw my two distinct logs piled on top of the blueish brown mound of feces. I paused for a moment, then watched the blue water creep up and tint my defecation. I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself.
I had a little bit more to urinate, so I decided to move around a used-tampon utilizing the force of my urine stream. It floated around somewhat aimlessly until it settled within the mound of feces. It was as if it found its home. It was as if I found my home. I zipped up my pants, took one last look at 'authentic beauty' and exited the portapotty, most likely never to come back again. It made me happy and sad at the same time--much like 90% of life's most meaningful experiences.
On the way home, I saw some portable toilets being transported to what I could only assume was a large music or cultural festival.
It made me feel a little bit better about life. I hoped that some1 else was able to find the beauty that I found when I shared a unique experience with hundreds of people inside of a portable restroom unit.
Sometimes, it seems like ur looking for beauty in all of the wrong places.
It seems like 'the story of the weekend' was the Kings of Leon canceling a concert a few songs in because a bunch of birds were pooping on them. I feel like that's what happens when you play in huge venues in Middle America--there's gonna be displaced wildlife like pigeons, deer, and possums. Sometimes when I go to a suburban shopping center, I'll see cars that are covered in bird shit. Just wish the birds had somewhere to chill without being 'pests', or maybe we could build them pigeon toilets.
N e ways, the Kings Of Leon were playing some show, and a bunch of pigeons shat on them. Then they walked off stage because they were worried about getting Bird Flu. It seems like the 'indie blogosphere' is using this opportunity to 'cover' the Kings of Leon even though 'they embody everything wrong with mainstream indie rock turned ultra mainstream.' The poop meme is 'too much 2 pass up', since the band is kinda like 'human turds making poopy mp3 files.'
Might include one of these jokes in this post:
a) "It seems like the pigeons know what bad music sounds like 2!"
b) "So interesting to see shit going in the Kings of Leon's mouths instead of coming out of it!"
c) "Sigh... if only humans were allowed to throw feces on bands they didn't like."
d) "Kings of Leon effing suck."
e) "I don't want no pigeons [via scrubs]"
f) "Poopy my pantie wanties Kings of Leon meme h8 yall."
g) "Ur sex is on fire... more like ur poop is on my poop." (to the tune of "Sex on Fire")
h) Choose Ur Own poop / Kings of Leon joke
Here is some statement they used to 'calm down' the angry nickelback rocker bros and fat white trash wannabe cougars who got pissed that they left the concert:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
PIGEON INFESTATION FORCES KINGS OF LEON OFFSTAGE EARLY IN ST. LOUIS
An infestation of pigeons living in the rafters of the Verizon Amphitheatre in St. Louis, MO, forced the Kings of Leon to walk offstage after three songs last night. Even though opening bands The Postelles and The Stills came offstage complaining of getting riddled with large amounts of pigeon excrement, the Kings of Leon decided to carry on regardless. The band felt it would be unfair to the fans to cancel the show at that late moment.
"I'm surprised they stayed on for as many songs as they did," said Andy Mendelsohn of Vector Management. "Jared was hit several times during the first two songs. On the third song, when he was hit in the cheek and some of it landed near his mouth, they couldn't deal any longer. It's not only disgusting -- it's a toxic health hazard. They really tried to hang in there. We want to apologize to our fans in St. Louis and will come back as soon as we can."
When the band arrived earlier in the day, the venue warned management that there had been a significant pigeon infestation problem with summer shows over the years, but they were doing all they could to fix it.
"We couldn't believe what The Postelles and The Stills looked like after their sets," said Jared Followill. "We didn't want to cancel the show, so we went for it. We tried to play. It was ridiculous."
Kings of Leon are headed to Chicago tonight to perform at the First Midwest Bank Amphitheatre as scheduled.
Feel sad that this is what the Kings of Leon looked like after the show.
They seem like unchill rocker bros who have let 'fame' and '5-star treatment' go to their heads. Don't really care if it's a health hazard--woulda been 'sooo rock n roll' 2 play while they are 'covered in shit.' Probs what the Rolling Stones/Beatles/AnCo would have done.
Wish I could vibe out to my fave indie buzzbands being showered in poop. Might invent some sort of 'feces cannon' to serve as commentary 4 the state of indie rock consumerismwave.
U know that I could use some poopy...
some poop like u
-The Leon Kings
Is this story the perfect storm of 'band that makes shitty music' + 'real feces' which culminated in one of the top music news meme reports of all year?
Do yall care about the Kings of Leon?
Do yall hope more birds poop on more buzzbands playing live shows?
Is it just funny 2 imagine poop going in their mouths, and poop falling all over them?
Are the Kings of Leon the 'band of the decade'?
Is "Use Some1 yall" the song of the century?
Do u think this poop meme helps the Kings of Leon's brand?
Should the concert promoter be 'sued' for letting pigeons chill on the stage?
Have u ever climbed on top of a stage, then took a dump on a band?
Has a bird ever pooped on u? Did u feel embarrassed?
R u more likely to be pooped on by a bird, or be struck by lighting?
The G20 is some sort of summit that is designed to make the world a better place, uniting all of the world's leaders to make group decisions together to help our global society. Every year, tons of ppl who h8 society decide to 'protest.' Not sure what they stand for, or if it is just a good excuse to 'get crazy'. Wonder if they send strong messages to the global leaders/Illuminati who control the world, or if they are just a bunch of alts who are 'actin crazy' just 2 be alt.
N e ways, it seems like some anti-Am Appy protesters shattered the windows of a Toronto American Apparel retail chain store. Feel like maybe they disagreed with the vibe/message of the company. Maybe they h8 retail, and h8 Abercrombie Appy. Maybe they were angry stock holders or something. Seems like they not only broke the windows, but sprayed feces with some sort of Super Soaker for poop into the store. Wonder if this is just 'viral marketing advertising', a meme jpg planted by the Am Appy company just to get blog buzz. Feel like a 'broken window' probably costs less than an advertising campaign.
Rode by on my bike cuz I just wanted to buy some vnecks for the summer, but was mad bummed to find it closed + sprayed with feces.
Wonder if they have to wash all of their inventory because of all of the poop on the merchandise.
Sad 4 these mannequins. feel like they have alternative souls too, and don't really appreciate being shat upon.
Do yall think American Apparel deserved this kind of treatment?
Do u wish u could 'fuck with some riot cops' at a G20 summit?
Have yall ever protested with violence?
Have u ever thrown poop at a retail store?
Do u h8 Am Appy?
Should we 'silence the violence' and 'increase the peace'?
Should we 'silence the violence' and 'increase the poop'?
Do yall poop in toilets, or do u save it to throw at retail shopping stores?
