Kinda feel confused about the indie internet music landscape. While artists appear to be ‘more open with fans’ and we are s00 connected to them, makes me paranoid that I’m being manipulated. I have only heard the iPod nano Feist song, so I will probably only listen to Grizzy Bear if they are in some sort of Apple ad, but I think Apple ads prefer ‘keut girl voices’ as opposed to ‘harmonic bro voices.’ Feels ‘almost surreal’ that two indie superstars would hang out and do ‘normal things’ like ride rollercoasters, eat funnel cakes, and ‘gawk’ at a freak show full of carnies. Wonder what they talk about…indie things…or ‘regular human’ things. Wonder if they ‘only talk about music’ or if it is a chance 2 ‘not talk about music.’ Wish I could be a ‘fly on the wall’, yall.

Even though artists ‘tweet’ and say that they are ‘doing normal things’, it’s just hard for me to trust (maybe bc I got out of a relationship with an incredibly manipulative person). It’s like everything was just made to be blogged about. Feel like every time I see this picture for the next 10 internet years, I will be reminded of the blurred ’sense of proximity’ to my fave indie artists.

If u were a relevant artist, what would u talk about with other relevant artists, and how would u exploit the situation to ‘get more myspace hits’?
Is everything ‘just a meme’, even 2 authentic bros hanging out?
Do yall know if this photo was ‘digitally enhanced’ to ‘make it look older’?
Just want to be an alt celeb, and find out if other altcelebs ‘get’ life or are just ‘idiots.’
Do yall hang around after ’shows’ 2 take pix with indie musicians, just 2 touch them and feel that they are ‘real’?

QUESTIONS FROM READERS ANSWERED BY HRO BLOGGER “the CARLES”
************
************
************
********

TrappedInSuburbia69 writes:

crls, all types of wayfarers, shuttershades, zany colored sunglasses, no-lens glasses are MNSTRM to extreme levels at my school… and i live in a rich people suburb.
there are people mixing hollister and colored wayfarers on a day to day basis.
i need your advice ryte now! i can’t go back to school looking like one of them. tell me how i can seperate myself.

[Photo by the cobrasnake]

Carles says:
It’s difficult to ’stand out’ once all of 2k7s trends reach suburbia in 2k8. Just ‘dare 2 be different.’ Wear something that u don’t even believe looks good/is cool. Make sure u keep listening to newer music than them. Don’t tell them ur altWebsite content sources. Most kids in your position would ’stop bathing’ so that their smell lets people know that u r way more committed to altdom than they are.

**********
DiabeteBros69 says:

I have type I diabetes from 2 much cereal. Type II is for fat mainstreamers.

Carles says:
Thanks for the info! I only know that Diabetes is something that the Jonas Brothers injected into their bodies.
***********
MuseumEmployee69 writes:

how many automatic alt pointz do i get for working at a gehry building? are they accepted as currency at most chili’s locations?

Carles says:
Working at a Frank Gehry building will get you a lot of free perks in altLife, including $10 Chili’s dollars per week, free admission to Six Flags theme parks, half off Southwest airlines flights to Europe & Japan, V.I.P. priviledges at major music festivals, the ability to browse altMusicSites without having to view the ads, and 1 free abortion for you or your significant other.

******************
RageAgainstTheLate90s writes:

Was Woodstock the first SXSW?

Carles says:
Yes. You may remember SXSWoodstock99 where Fred Durst & the Limp Korns set Austin on fire and they had to rebuild most of the University of Texas campus.

*********
LivingInFear69 writes:

I’m so scared about the electro wars. I heard that France and Australia have huge stockpiles of bangers… Stop BMD proliferation yall.
Furthermore intel suggests that Ableton technology has spread across the entire AZN subcontinent, with young kids as young as 14, indoctrinated by bearded ideologues, now able to mix bangers *in as little as 45 minutes*.

Carles says:
I’m scared, too. Will George W. McCain Obama Palin do something about this? are yall voting or does it ‘not matter’? No1 will ever give me a straight answer. They just tell me 2 vote or die. Things aren’t so black and white, yall! Also, make sure to buy ur duct tape, flashlights, spam, & bottled water.

**********
AmericanContrarian69 writes:

Am I the only one who thinks that wearing American Apparel from head to toe is the least ‘alt’ thing a person can do? I just don’t get it. Alt truly = mainstream when it comes to that. Do you know why I get so angry when i see someone wearing a purple vneck tshirt that was obvs bought that day from AA? Is there a way to just accept that AA is for hipster/scenesters and doesn’t = Alt? Is there a way to let the world know that the more AApurple you wear, the more mnstrm you are?

Carles says:
The American Appy aesthetic is functional for your day-to-day ’subtle’ alt life. American Appy continues to expand their product line to bring you a wider range of colours, prints, and Afrikan stuff. American Appy works 4 u. In a way, American Appy wants every1 to be ‘a little bit alt.’ Some see this as a good thing, and some see this as a bad thing. It really just depends on ur personal brand. True altdom is within–don’t just assume that puting on clothes that were branded as ‘being alt’ makes u an alt. That would be like wearing Nikes and assuming u were going 2 play in the NBA. Being a true alt takes months and blogyears of hard work, yall. BTW… Please support our sponsors, yall! Every item on my body right now is AmAppy–I am brand loyal. Am Appy: The New Nike?

Note: Not a real American Appy ad. Just some myspacer who I found on googleImageSearch who loves his aesthetic.
***********
ItGirl69 asks:

who’s cory kenney?? is she on like a (m)tv show??? i’m i 2old2know???

Carles says:
She was one of the original MTV VJs. She was also the inspiration for the character ‘Daria.’
Daria = Cory Kennedy = their gimmick is that they don’t smile

*************
WorriedAbtMyFriend22 asks:

carles,
i desperately need advice on how to deal with a friend of mine. this summer she is totally becoming an alt after a life of being a mainstreamer. i don;t know how to handle it!? at first it was subtle things, she got some kute bangs and started wearing some tighter jeans and even bought some chucks and wayfarers (i lol’d). she caught me off guard when she asked me what i thought of the new girl talk album, i was like…. “ughhhhh, what? no” and she was like “yeah, i totally think nite ripper was better”…. i was just shocked. now she listens to justice and mia and all that other entry shit and i heard her call herself a hipster (i cringed). i get tha
t she wants to be kute and trendy but seeing this change firsthand is confusing! PLS, what should i do? should i bring it up and talk to her about it or just stay quiet and observe? should i try to help her not look like such an obvious mainstreamer gone alt? try to get tugged by her new gang of vapid trend-whore friends?
PS
pls keep this annonymous, i have a suspicion she might have found ur blog after using my macbook

Carles says:
first of all–put a password on your MacBook. U NEVER want some1 to find out what sites u’ve been browsing. The truth is that your friend is still a mainstreamer, but her context has just changed. U need to embrace her inauthentic new personal brand, and certainly try to get tugged by her gaggle of friends. If you present yourself as an authentic source of trends, new music, and a general value system with which they live their life by+see the world, then u will have it good. Just be sure that you are prepared for your ego to take a hit when an altMale who is more respected in the scene is able to swoon your impressionable tugger away from your control.
MainstreamersGoneAlt are a blessing and a curse, yall. Don’t fall in love with them, ever!

*********
AspiringBlogger69 asks:

do u think i should get blog, blogspot, or xanga? u are the only person i trust to answer this question. i want every1 to read my blog all day everyday.

Carles says:
Xanga is for AZNs. Blogger is for generic people who post 3 times and then quit. Wordpress is for douchebaggy blogs about politics/parenting. Tumblr is for alts/high end design meme consumers. Livejournal is from people who are stuck in the year 2000. Twitter is ass holes. Typepad is for old people. Geocities are for authentic alts?

********
2CatchAPredator69 writes:

dear crls,
i love your blog, but i have a problem. the on;y alt girls my age at my high school are off-limits yo. what is one supposed to do? should i date a younger entry-level alt and try to open her to the world of alt by taking her to see the justice and electro bands? or is she just highly tuggable? should i commute 4 love; san franny’s 45 minutes away though, and i do know/could meet/need to meet some pretty alt girls who go to liberal arts high schools and know how to screen print t-shrts/give good tugjobs/listen to ratatat on lp while “doin iy”?
Help yo.

Carles says:
In the altWorld, the Age of Consent = the age where some1 decides to implement alternative trends into their personal brand. Even if they are as young as 14, something as simple as wearing an interesting shirt, or wearing trendy mom jeans is basically them admitting that ‘they are available on the tug market.’ If it would make you feel more comfortable being with a younger woman, you can always purchase a pair of child predator glasses at ur local pharmacy.

*******
theOfficeFan69 writes:

Is NBC really coming out with a series called HIPSTERS which will merge the humor of ‘The Office’, ‘it’s always Sunny in Philadelphia’, ‘Arrested Development’, and ‘Human Giant’? Should I be excited or scared? Will it be authentic, and will Justin Long be in it?

[via BDavis Tumblr]

Carles says:
I have no idea, yall. But I hope so. I wish there were more people on my Television who I could relate to so I could watch them on hulu/youtube. I h8 not being able to identify with n e modern television characters. I don’t even work in a quirky office/ live on a lost island! sux.

**********
BrookeShields69 says:

i had depression before i found hro.

Carles replies:
In a way, aren’t we all ‘a lil depressed’ in the same way that we’re all ‘a lil bit bi’?

*************
GoingAway2College69 writes:

hey [CRLS], what’s the altiest major? obvi graphic/fashion design is a staple of alternative subcultures, but i feel that something liberal artsy (liberal alty?) is more in line with my personal lifestyle brand. political science or ’sociology’ (whatever that is) sound totes entry-lvl alt. what should the alt-collegiate crowd study 2 stay ahead of the curve?
u r0ck my world.

Carles lists:
1) Miscellaneous Associate’s Degree
2) Photoshop
3) Art History with a focus on the post-Photoshop era
4) Architecture
5) Teaching for America
6) Philosophy with a concentration on Graphic Design Ideology
7) Music Business with a minor in BlogCommunications
8) Alternative Economics
9) Graphic Design (at a school without computers)
10) Sociology + Psychology
11) Marketing
12) Communications
13) A major about music where you spend a year using the campus’ recording facilities to ‘make ur own album’
14) Film with a concentration in French No Wave cinema
15) Film Studies before 1900
16) Mashup Engineering (or whatever Girl Talk majored in)

******************
GirlLuvr69 says:

ladyhawke = blonde electro feist? the quirky videos, the slightly masculine face, the bad dancing… who would you choose a tug from?

Carles says:
Good question! I’d take a tug from either one, but girls are insecure, so they probably have more opinions about this 1.

Feist: a bad dancer?

**********
Guy69 writes:

xrlz: hi, ive been wanting to ask you: could u please explain further some of the terms, premises, and “basic banalities” of HRO? i think this would help clarify what youre doing/talking about, and make your socio-anthropological tugjobs more meaningful for everyone. . . .

for example, like:

what are the electrowars? when are they coming? and why?
can an electroholocaust be avoided, or is it now an inextricable part of ‘destiny’?
how do you think the warring factions will divide? Alts vs. Streamers? and Alt on Alt warcrime? and what about Double Agents?
who are likely to be killed off and who shall endure? how can i increase my chances of survival?

what exactly is the Alt/Stream ‘dialectique’ ?
when alts become streamers, are they still alts underneath? or have their souls/personal brands been forever subsumed into ‘the square paradigm’?

what does the future hold for:
1) chilis
2) the electrorainforest
3) the personal brand economy
4) altbosom
5) sunbears
6) jeans (of many varieties)
7) SXSWestern Civilization
8) Snitchfork
9) bangs/bangers

perhaps these questions are rather wide-ranging already, but i just thought it’d be good if you stepped back and explained things.. i mean, particularly seeing as though youll soon be entering the teenage years
of your 2nd blog century.
thank you !

Carles responds:
Not sure what ur tlkng abt, but it sounds like u live in a zany world that does not represent reality at all! U should probably focus on getting a master’s degree/moving up to middle-management within the next 2 years instead of reading internet website blog thingies.
‘I want some of what he’s on!’
-some quirky FGGT ‘jokester’

Thanks for reading, yall! email me yalls questions! Hopefully this helped yall!

QUESTIONS FROM READERS ANSWERED BY HRO BLOGGER “the CARLES”
************
************
************
********

TrappedInSuburbia69 writes:

crls, all types of wayfarers, shuttershades, zany colored sunglasses, no-lens glasses are MNSTRM to extreme levels at my school… and i live in a rich people suburb.
there are people mixing hollister and colored wayfarers on a day to day basis.
i need your advice ryte now! i can’t go back to school looking like one of them. tell me how i can seperate myself.

[Photo by the cobrasnake]

Carles says:
It’s difficult to ’stand out’ once all of 2k7s trends reach suburbia in 2k8. Just ‘dare 2 be different.’ Wear something that u don’t even believe looks good/is cool. Make sure u keep listening to newer music than them. Don’t tell them ur altWebsite content sources. Most kids in your position would ’stop bathing’ so that their smell lets people know that u r way more committed to altdom than they are.

**********
DiabeteBros69 says:

I have type I diabetes from 2 much cereal. Type II is for fat mainstreamers.

Carles says:
Thanks for the info! I only know that Diabetes is something that the Jonas Brothers injected into their bodies.
***********
MuseumEmployee69 writes:

how many automatic alt pointz do i get for working at a gehry building? are they accepted as currency at most chili’s locations?

Carles says:
Working at a Frank Gehry building will get you a lot of free perks in altLife, including $10 Chili’s dollars per week, free admission to Six Flags theme parks, half off Southwest airlines flights to Europe & Japan, V.I.P. priviledges at major music festivals, the ability to browse altMusicSites without having to view the ads, and 1 free abortion for you or your significant other.

******************
RageAgainstTheLate90s writes:

Was Woodstock the first SXSW?

Carles says:
Yes. You may remember SXSWoodstock99 where Fred Durst & the Limp Korns set Austin on fire and they had to rebuild most of the University of Texas campus.

*********
LivingInFear69 writes:

I’m so scared about the electro wars. I heard that France and Australia have huge stockpiles of bangers… Stop BMD proliferation yall.
Furthermore intel suggests that Ableton technology has spread across the entire AZN subcontinent, with young kids as young as 14, indoctrinated by bearded ideologues, now able to mix bangers *in as little as 45 minutes*.

Carles says:
I’m scared, too. Will George W. McCain Obama Palin do something about this? are yall voting or does it ‘not matter’? No1 will ever give me a straight answer. They just tell me 2 vote or die. Things aren’t so black and white, yall! Also, make sure to buy ur duct tape, flashlights, spam, & bottled water.

**********
AmericanContrarian69 writes:

Am I the only one who thinks that wearing American Apparel from head to toe is the least ‘alt’ thing a person can do? I just don’t get it. Alt truly = mainstream when it comes to that. Do you know why I get so angry when i see someone wearing a purple vneck tshirt that was obvs bought that day from AA? Is there a way to just accept that AA is for hipster/scenesters and doesn’t = Alt? Is there a way to let the world know that the more AApurple you wear, the more mnstrm you are?

Carles says:
The American Appy aesthetic is functional for your day-to-day ’subtle’ alt life. American Appy continues to expand their product line to bring you a wider range of colours, prints, and Afrikan stuff. American Appy works 4 u. In a way, American Appy wants every1 to be ‘a little bit alt.’ Some see this as a good thing, and some see this as a bad thing. It really just depends on ur personal brand. True altdom is within–don’t just assume that puting on clothes that were branded as ‘being alt’ makes u an alt. That would be like wearing Nikes and assuming u were going 2 play in the NBA. Being a true alt takes months and blogyears of hard work, yall. BTW… Please support our sponsors, yall! Every item on my body right now is AmAppy–I am brand loyal. Am Appy: The New Nike?

Note: Not a real American Appy ad. Just some myspacer who I found on googleImageSearch who loves his aesthetic.
***********
ItGirl69 asks:

who’s cory kenney?? is she on like a (m)tv show??? i’m i 2old2know???

Carles says:
She was one of the original MTV VJs. She was also the inspiration for the character ‘Daria.’
Daria = Cory Kennedy = their gimmick is that they don’t smile

*************
WorriedAbtMyFriend22 asks:

carles,
i desperately need advice on how to deal with a friend of mine. this summer she is totally becoming an alt after a life of being a mainstreamer. i don;t know how to handle it!? at first it was subtle things, she got some kute bangs and started wearing some tighter jeans and even bought some chucks and wayfarers (i lol’d). she caught me off guard when she asked me what i thought of the new girl talk album, i was like…. “ughhhhh, what? no” and she was like “yeah, i totally think nite ripper was better”…. i was just shocked. now she listens to justice and mia and all that other entry shit and i heard her call herself a hipster (i cringed). i get tha
t she wants to be kute and trendy but seeing this change firsthand is confusing! PLS, what should i do? should i bring it up and talk to her about it or just stay quiet and observe? should i try to help her not look like such an obvious mainstreamer gone alt? try to get tugged by her new gang of vapid trend-whore friends?
PS
pls keep this annonymous, i have a suspicion she might have found ur blog after using my macbook

Carles says:
first of all–put a password on your MacBook. U NEVER want some1 to find out what sites u’ve been browsing. The truth is that your friend is still a mainstreamer, but her context has just changed. U need to embrace her inauthentic new personal brand, and certainly try to get tugged by her gaggle of friends. If you present yourself as an authentic source of trends, new music, and a general value system with which they live their life by+see the world, then u will have it good. Just be sure that you are prepared for your ego to take a hit when an altMale who is more respected in the scene is able to swoon your impressionable tugger away from your control.
MainstreamersGoneAlt are a blessing and a curse, yall. Don’t fall in love with them, ever!

*********
AspiringBlogger69 asks:

do u think i should get blog, blogspot, or xanga? u are the only person i trust to answer this question. i want every1 to read my blog all day everyday.

Carles says:
Xanga is for AZNs. Blogger is for generic people who post 3 times and then quit. Wordpress is for douchebaggy blogs about politics/parenting. Tumblr is for alts/high end design meme consumers. Livejournal is from people who are stuck in the year 2000. Twitter is ass holes. Typepad is for old people. Geocities are for authentic alts?

********
2CatchAPredator69 writes:

dear crls,
i love your blog, but i have a problem. the on;y alt girls my age at my high school are off-limits yo. what is one supposed to do? should i date a younger entry-level alt and try to open her to the world of alt by taking her to see the justice and electro bands? or is she just highly tuggable? should i commute 4 love; san franny’s 45 minutes away though, and i do know/could meet/need to meet some pretty alt girls who go to liberal arts high schools and know how to screen print t-shrts/give good tugjobs/listen to ratatat on lp while “doin iy”?
Help yo.

Carles says:
In the altWorld, the Age of Consent = the age where some1 decides to implement alternative trends into their personal brand. Even if they are as young as 14, something as simple as wearing an interesting shirt, or wearing trendy mom jeans is basically them admitting that ‘they are available on the tug market.’ If it would make you feel more comfortable being with a younger woman, you can always purchase a pair of child predator glasses at ur local pharmacy.

*******
theOfficeFan69 writes:

Is NBC really coming out with a series called HIPSTERS which will merge the humor of ‘The Office’, ‘it’s always Sunny in Philadelphia’, ‘Arrested Development’, and ‘Human Giant’? Should I be excited or scared? Will it be authentic, and will Justin Long be in it?

[via BDavis Tumblr]

Carles says:
I have no idea, yall. But I hope so. I wish there were more people on my Television who I could relate to so I could watch them on hulu/youtube. I h8 not being able to identify with n e modern television characters. I don’t even work in a quirky office/ live on a lost island! sux.

**********
BrookeShields69 says:

i had depression before i found hro.

Carles replies:
In a way, aren’t we all ‘a lil depressed’ in the same way that we’re all ‘a lil bit bi’?

*************
GoingAway2College69 writes:

hey [CRLS], what’s the altiest major? obvi graphic/fashion design is a staple of alternative subcultures, but i feel that something liberal artsy (liberal alty?) is more in line with my personal lifestyle brand. political science or ’sociology’ (whatever that is) sound totes entry-lvl alt. what should the alt-collegiate crowd study 2 stay ahead of the curve?
u r0ck my world.

Carles lists:
1) Miscellaneous Associate’s Degree
2) Photoshop
3) Art History with a focus on the post-Photoshop era
4) Architecture
5) Teaching for America
6) Philosophy with a concentration on Graphic Design Ideology
7) Music Business with a minor in BlogCommunications
8) Alternative Economics
9) Graphic Design (at a school without computers)
10) Sociology + Psychology
11) Marketing
12) Communications
13) A major about music where you spend a year using the campus’ recording facilities to ‘make ur own album’
14) Film with a concentration in French No Wave cinema
15) Film Studies before 1900
16) Mashup Engineering (or whatever Girl Talk majored in)

******************
GirlLuvr69 says:

ladyhawke = blonde electro feist? the quirky videos, the slightly masculine face, the bad dancing… who would you choose a tug from?

Carles says:
Good question! I’d take a tug from either one, but girls are insecure, so they probably have more opinions about this 1.

Feist: a bad dancer?

**********
Guy69 writes:

xrlz: hi, ive been wanting to ask you: could u please explain further some of the terms, premises, and “basic banalities” of HRO? i think this would help clarify what youre doing/talking about, and make your socio-anthropological tugjobs more meaningful for everyone. . . .

for example, like:

what are the electrowars? when are they coming? and why?
can an electroholocaust be avoided, or is it now an inextricable part of ‘destiny’?
how do you think the warring factions will divide? Alts vs. Streamers? and Alt on Alt warcrime? and what about Double Agents?
who are likely to be killed off and who shall endure? how can i increase my chances of survival?

what exactly is the Alt/Stream ‘dialectique’ ?
when alts become streamers, are they still alts underneath? or have their souls/personal brands been forever subsumed into ‘the square paradigm’?

what does the future hold for:
1) chilis
2) the electrorainforest
3) the personal brand economy
4) altbosom
5) sunbears
6) jeans (of many varieties)
7) SXSWestern Civilization
8) Snitchfork
9) bangs/bangers

perhaps these questions are rather wide-ranging already, but i just thought it’d be good if you stepped back and explained things.. i mean, particularly seeing as though youll soon be entering the teenage years
of your 2nd blog century.
thank you !

Carles responds:
Not sure what ur tlkng abt, but it sounds like u live in a zany world that does not represent reality at all! U should probably focus on getting a master’s degree/moving up to middle-management within the next 2 years instead of reading internet website blog thingies.
‘I want some of what he’s on!’
-some quirky FGGT ‘jokester’

Thanks for reading, yall! email me yalls questions! Hopefully this helped yall!

I just bought my iPod nano a few months ago because of the new emerging artist featured in the commercial called ‘The Feists.’ Even though the song ‘wasn’t THAT good’, it was a commercial that turned her into an altMainstream superstar.

Her crossbranding with a technological product enabled every1 to feel progressive by enjoying her/the small iPod nano.

LET US NEVER FORGET THE ‘FEIST-SIZED’ IPOD NANO MODEL.
LET US ALL ADMIT THAT ‘1-2-3-4′ WASN’T EVEN A VERY GOOD SONG.
Srsly. It reminds me of ‘girls who dress alt but don’t have any personality’ would listen to/rave about/put into their facebook+myspace profile.

It’s good to know that iPod does a good job of lumping ‘obscurer alternative artists’ and ‘artists who were originally marketed as being alternative but have since gained a mainstream appeal’ into their [BUZZWORTHY] commercials.

Is it deceptive advertising that the new Nanos begin to ‘cum’ in the final 10 seconds of the commercial?

I think Apple would tell you that more ‘variety’ is better when it comes to colour choices. However, according to the ‘Pinkifying a Product Makes Your Product Less Authentic’ theory, Apple might be weakening it’s brand by enabling empty females to ‘feel like their pink iPod truly represents them’ while they work out at the gym.

It’s sort of like when ur fave sports team makes various coloured jerseys for women (pink) or St. Patrick’s Day (green), and u wish they could just ’stay authentic’ instead of trying s00 hard 2 sell jerseys.

BUT SRSLY…
Does n e 1 miss the bulkiness/minimalist interface of the early iPods? the ‘mini’ was s00 bulky!

I read in a tumblr that minimalist, ‘no bullshit’ designs+interfaces are gonna be big after a disease wipes out half of the Eastern world in 2k10.

I just bought my iPod nano a few months ago because of the new emerging artist featured in the commercial called ‘The Feists.’ Even though the song ‘wasn’t THAT good’, it was a commercial that turned her into an altMainstream superstar.

Her crossbranding with a technological product enabled every1 to feel progressive by enjoying her/the small iPod nano.

LET US NEVER FORGET THE ‘FEIST-SIZED’ IPOD NANO MODEL.
LET US ALL ADMIT THAT ‘1-2-3-4′ WASN’T EVEN A VERY GOOD SONG.
Srsly. It reminds me of ‘girls who dress alt but don’t have any personality’ would listen to/rave about/put into their facebook+myspace profile.

It’s good to know that iPod does a good job of lumping ‘obscurer alternative artists’ and ‘artists who were originally marketed as being alternative but have since gained a mainstream appeal’ into their [BUZZWORTHY] commercials.

Is it deceptive advertising that the new Nanos begin to ‘cum’ in the final 10 seconds of the commercial?

I think Apple would tell you that more ‘variety’ is better when it comes to colour choices. However, according to the ‘Pinkifying a Product Makes Your Product Less Authentic’ theory, Apple might be weakening it’s brand by enabling empty females to ‘feel like their pink iPod truly represents them’ while they work out at the gym.

It’s sort of like when ur fave sports team makes various coloured jerseys for women (pink) or St. Patrick’s Day (green), and u wish they could just ’stay authentic’ instead of trying s00 hard 2 sell jerseys.

BUT SRSLY…
Does n e 1 miss the bulkiness/minimalist interface of the early iPods? the ‘mini’ was s00 bulky!

I read in a tumblr that minimalist, ‘no bullshit’ designs+interfaces are gonna be big after a disease wipes out half of the Eastern world in 2k10.

This has been part of Mainstream=Alt (an eArt Gallery presented by the popular weblog HIPSTER RUNOFF).

s0 sad what money can do 2 people… Can’t believe she grew out her bangs, started to fake-tan, and got implants. :-(


Editor’s Note: Feist 2.0 is [HIGHLY BANGABLE] & [HIGHLY TUGGABLE]

[LastNightsTittieFest]

XX BONUS FEIST + BFF ‘clownin around!’ pic XX

’sweet sassy mollassy!’
-a tweenage HRO reader who just discovered this blog yesterday and only now found out about the search for the perfect alternative breasts.

Van She – “Changes”

Another video in the genre of ‘tour diary where we showcase that our band is a group of sillie friends who are going through a meaningful experience on the road together’ video. Other notable videos in this genre are the Strokes “Some Day“, Phantom Planet’s “California” and the 2008 summer anthem “Faith” by Limp Bizkit. All of these videos make me wish that I was able to experience fame, yet still maintain an appreciation for ‘the small, trivial stuff’ that makes us human.

RATATAT – “Flynn”

Here is a perfect video in the ‘crappy/underwhelming college video art that your friend in art school who wants you to appreciate, but you know he did all of the work for it in the final 3 hours before deadline while under the unnecessary influence of adderal+marijuana’ genre. Gotta love concepts that are ‘appreciated’ because they piggyback off a previous piece of media that most Americans can identify. <3

Paul Simon – “You Can Call Me Al”
This video reminds me of the first generation of Cool/Free Spirited BabyBoomer parents who tried to get their 7 year old kid to appreciate the social value of music by playing this ‘masterfully crafted pop song’ which is also about ‘ending apartheid.’ U CAN CALL ME AL was an overrated song, and I’d consider the video something that ‘would have GONE VIRAL’ if they had the internet back then. So since there wasn’t the internet, we have to remember it forever when we should only remember it as ‘the gimmicky video that Chevy Chase was in.’ Did yall like The Graduate soundtrack? Was Chevy Chase’s only good movie “National Lampoon’s Vegas Vacation”? When will Chevy Chase have a Bill-Murray-like ‘deep, indie’ phase of his career?

Feist – “1-2-3-4″ (Elmo Vs. Cookie Monster: Big Bird is a closet-homo REMIX)

In an effort to match Feist’s royalty fees from her iPod nano commercial, the Sesame Street Workshop gave Leslie Feist the rights to 10% of Muppet creator Jim Henson’s estate. BUT SRSLY…is educational entertainment ‘important’/'justifiable’ enough to turn your song into a pile of crappiness? Is this a secret advertisement for ‘moms who have to watch Sesame Street with their kids and are considering buying some new CDs at Target + getting a fresh, new haircut with bangs”?

Plus… don’t kids watch stuff like Yo Gabba Gabba/Dora The Lil Alt Explorer/other conceptual+homoerotic shows like the Teletubbies now because their cool parents want them to fit in?

Also, why isn’t THE COUNT in this video? It would be kind of like making a Weezer video without including __________(easily identifiable gimmick).

Leslie Feist really has the energy in this 1-2-3-4 remix video to make every altbro wish that she was his free-spirited mom who drove a Volvo station wagon and made ‘tasty yet healthy’ dinners every night (note: she also packed the best smart snacks).

BUT SRSLY… is it okay to change the lyrics of your song for the sake of ‘education,’ but it’s not okay to change your lyrics if U want 2 go outback 2nite?

Of Montreal – “Let’s Go Outback Tonight”

This music video is way better than any deep Radiohead music video.

XX BONUS THOUGHT ON THE STATE OF MODERN EDUCATIONAL PROGRAMMING XX

Participating in educational shows/shows for kids that are pyramid schemes to get kids to buy apparel-that-features-creatures does not make u a public servant.

Yo Gabba Gabba is a pyramid scheme to unite alt-parents and kids under one lifestyle brand with the ultimate goal of ‘buying crap with creatures on it.’

YO GABBA GABBA/Kid robot crap: so quirkily alt that kids & parents can wear it!

Burning questions:
If you are an alt-kid whose free-spirited parents make over $100K/year, does ur hair automatically turn curly?
Should there be a law against lifestyle brands that target kids under the age of 5?

If I were an artist or rcrd lbl who was in the process of formulating a marketing strategy, I would ask myself, “How could I get a bunch of shitty mp3 blogs to blog about my artist to have a perpetual presence on hype machine?” The key would be getting either the endorsement from a top tier blog, or just having your artist remixed by an artist who is in the HypeMachine Top 20.

I think Ladyhawke has a good opportunity to be more than just ‘another artist on electro blog.’ She can be a relevant artist who even makes her way to the long tail of crappy music blogs that post things for the sake of ‘reporting news’, ‘posting popular mp3s to get hits’, and ‘reBlogging what the most respected blogs blog about.’ When it comes to getting to the top of hypemachine, you need to do more than just get blurbed about on 5 electro blogs. The key to the hypemachine is getting blogged about on as many crappy blogs as possible (the ones that post radiohead on a weekly basis).

Or you can just get blurbed about in Pitchfork.

Another interesting issue with HypeMachine is the fact that women don’t really dominate the hypemachine Charts. Other than Madonna, Feist, M.I.A., and Santogold, I can’t remember too many women who topped the charts (which are usually reserved for meaningful-core bands & bands that r kute+sound interesting). I just picture a lot of alt bros who use hype machine to search for women only when they need to make a playlist for a mainstream girl who they are trying to seduce.

Anyways, I think Ladyhawke has only had quality remixes done of “Paris Is Burning,” as opposed to just a bunch of shitty remixes. Utilizing Cut Copy & Peaches is definitely a brand-strengthener.

I wonder if Modular makes their signed artists remix their other artists. Is there a REMIX CLAUSE on the record contract that says “You have to rmx at least 2 of our other artists.” I hope so, cuz that’s ‘good business’/excellent forced cross-branding.

[MP3s (STREAM ONLY)]
Ladyhawke – Paris is Burning (Cut Copy Remix)

Ladyhawke – Paris is Burning (Peaches Remix)

Myspaces
http://www.myspace.com/ladyhawkerock
http://www.myspace.com/cutcopy
http://www.myspace.com/peaches

XX BONUS PEACHES MUSINGS XX
I wonder how Peaches’ career would have gone if she didn’t write that song about fucking away pain/sucking on her titties.

Did u know Peaches was Feist’s roommate when they lived in Canada?
Do u remember Feist? She was in that CD player thingy commercial.

Is Peaches the Karl Rove of women in music?

XX BONUS XX
INTERVIEW WITH LADYHAWKE

Feist?

Cat Power?

Uffie?

Nelly Furtado?

Lisa Loeb?

Some one else?

2008 will be dedicated to settling the Great Bang Debate.