HIPSTER RUNOFF

Digital technology and social media can be liberating for any human being, no matter your age, race, size, color, or religious background. It gives is the opportunity to capture moments 4evr, but these moments become meaningless rituals. Every year, we go to a local retailer to purchase Christmas gifts. But what if I told u that ur mundane reality was ready 2 be challenged?

At first, I was confused. Just searching for the Michael Buble/She & Him Christmas album in the music section of Target. A crappy version of Wham's "Last Christmas" came on. Old people swarmed from hidden aisles, dancing around like savages. I was annoyed. I stopped--I stared. I saw my entire life flash b4 my eyes. I saw myself growing older. This was truly their last dance. Their first and last digital footprint that will be uploaded 4evr into the cloud.

Old ppl vibing in a flash mob.
This is what it means 2 be alive.

Later that day, I was going shopping for cargo jeans at JCPenney's. It happened again. A tribe of wonderful old people, delightfully dancing around. Challenging social norms. Being alive. Celebrating. I could not escape from the zombie-like shuffle of their dance moves. Smiling, laughing, eager to share links with their loved ones.

I no longer felt afraid to grow older, uglier, fatter, irrelevant-er, out of touch-er, insane-er. Seeing these old ppl flash mob made me know 4 sure that no matter how old I was, I could still broadcast myself 2 the world. Old. Haggard. Lamestream. There is beauty in the breakdown of my body.

I settled down into the cafeteria for a jello dinner. It happened again. Confused. Alive. Sad. Alone. Together. The feelings of a flash mob. The feelings of an old person.

When u r old, will u participate in flash mobs?
Did these old ppl 'kill the vibes' or challenge social norms?
Do these old ppl make u feel 'alive' or 'effing doomed'?
Do old ppl make u smile, or do they make u cry?
Will u put ur parents in a home that facilitates flash mob behavior, or will they just be put on tons of meds and left to gaze into a tv screen while they shovel liquid-based foods into their mouths?

Just wanted to go to Target, pick up some groceries, snacks, maybe some lunch meat so I can save money during the week by 'bringing a sack lunch'. Feel like I have tons of solid options at target for healthy, affordable choices. Moderately-fresh produce [via bag of lettuce/spinach]. Three 12-packs of soda on-sale. Milk, juice, ice cream. New toothbrush. Deodorant. Maybe buy a DVD, relevant Top 40 rock album, and a Nintendo Wii game. Could even maybe pick up some clothes that were 'fashionable, yet affordable.'

Kinda pissed when these 'effing liberals' ruin the vibes at my local Target.

It seems like these 'goddamned hippie liberals' organized some sort of 'flash mob', which is a zany event in a normalized context that no1 is expecting, challenging people's notion of normalcy/reality, encouraging them to 'think outside the box', and analyze society's forces. Unfortunately, social networking + the opportunity to 'go viral' if well-documented has led to a 8000% increase in flash mobs over the last 5-100 years.

Just bummed that these 'liberals' ruined my Target-wave vibes. They seem like they are 'bitter' or something. Wish they'd just book a 1 way ticket to Granola-ville, Oregon and leave us alone.

I thought I was doing my best, doing a good thing by not shopping at Wal Mart, but I guess not. Not even sure where I should shop. Feel like I want a better experience than Wal Mart, but not sure if it is in my budget to shop at Whole Foods / Trader Joe's / high end organic wave grocery store. Feels like every store has been branded as 'evil' since they sell unhealthy, unnatural food at low prices, and can't really broker deals with independent farmers who don't create pricing efficiencies.

Wish the Target Manager had the go ahead to 'shoot-to-kill' if flashmobs happen in his store. Feel like if I were a Target manager, I would train my employees to go after the cameras, because without a video camera, an internet meme can't exist.

Not sure what these people are trying to do. Feel like maybe they should get more trivial hobbies, such as 'crocheting', playing XBOX360, masturbating, raising spoiled kids, or even watching NFL/NBA. Maybe they could even listen to the occasional buzzband. Wish they would just use social networking for lifestreaming trivial events in their lives', instead of networking to 'protest' in the name of 'social causes.'

Who do yall think u r? How did u turn into a group of protesting humans? Where did u read all of this propaganda?

Why r u forcing ur agenda on me?
Can't u see that I'm trapped in my life, just trying to do the best I can
riding the middle-class wave
Not rlly even by choice
So why r u harshing my vibes
Trying to make me 'socially aware'

Felt kinda bad for real people who were 'actually shopping', buying diapers, baby food, and other items that humans need to 'stay alive.'

Not sure if operating the popcorn machine at Target is even really ur 'dream career.' Feel like it is kinda harsh to 'target' the employees of a massive retail chain when ur 'going after the CEOs, etc.' Feel like maybe u should start mailing bombs to people if u really cared [via the Unabomber].

Seems kinda 'dick' for these 'liberals' to write a song, choreograph a dance, and then upload this meme to the internet.

What snack do u get when u go to the Target food bar?

Not sure if people even 'care' about their cause
or if they just want to 'go viral'
and be internet famous for 5-10 minutes
Do u think these 'liberals' should quit their whining, viral scheming, and 'great real jobs'?

I think these people were 'pissed' that Target didn't give enough money to Obama or something. Feel like they should chill. Obama got in2 office. Feel like maybe they should just believe in a value-based Lord, and trust that He shall guide reality towards the best possible societal outcomes. Wish they would just 'give up' on believing that ppl can make a difference, and just sorta just enjoy life, learning how to express themselves' via consumer decisions.

Target has some pretty chill prices, but I don't feel 'poor' shopping there. Seems to have a good brand, a logo in Helvetica [via Am Appy]. Gonna go ahead and stay brand loyal to them, since I don't want to be a 'poor' who shops at the WalMart.

Should I 'boycott' Target, or will I have to start a farm + harvest my own crops + slaughter my own meat if I continue 2 'boycott' my shopping options?

The retail company Target just gave over $150,000 to buy ads supporting a far-right Republican candidate for governor in Minnesota.

That's bad enough. But the stakes are much higher than one candidate and one company. If we don't push back hard, this will just be the tip of the iceberg. Other corporations will learn that they can pour money into elections to buy the outcome they want. So we're sending a message to Target's CEO that we won't shop there if Target continues spending money on elections.

A compiled petition with your individual comment will be presented to Target CEO Greg Steinhafel.

Should humans + companies be allowed to h8 whoever they want, and give money towards building a stronger network of hate if they have worked hard 4 their money [via the American Way]?

Wish I could just buy some Archer Farms products in peace.

Do yall like Target's Archer Farms generic brand?
Or do u prefer the GREAT VALUE brand of WalMart?

Where do u shop?
R u pissed when companies give money to political parties?
Do u 'h8 liberals'?
Do these people really need to 'lobby for gay rights' or is the whole 'gay rights thing' kinda working itself out?
What political party do u associate urself with?
Do u 'h8 republicans'?
Why do people h8 successful business so much?
Is Target trying to assassinate Obama? [via liberal conspiracy theories]

Should I throw down a flashmob at an Am Appy?
Are 'outspoken liberals' the most annoying type of ppl?
Do these people even 'have a point', or should they just 'shut up' and let middle class people chill in their lives?
Is consumerism + influencing political elections with money that u earned even rlly a bad thing?
Do u think these 'liberals' wanted some1 'more alt' than Obama to win?

Sometimes I wonder what I will do when I 'start to get older' and 'lose my edge'/sense of community/sense of youth/sense of free-spiritedness. What will I do when I realize that my life is 'probz not gonna be meaningful' and I am still 'not where I would like it to be' when I am making $44K/year at age 32? I will have a sense of comfort, but still be 'longing for something more.' What can I do to lighten the tone of my life?

I will participate in activities that will make the 'oddly enough' section of the newspaper/the 'oddly enough' news in the final minute of the local news/ go 'viral' on blogs that are looking 2 'make u smile' and 'make u feel connected to cities where real stuff is happening.'

(Note: does n e 1 know if the background music is the Animal Collective/MSTRKRFT leak?)
I want to participate in zany community activities that 'gain steam/notoriety' [via the internet]. I want to brand myself to my parents by appearing in videos like this / taking pictures and posting them to my public flickr account, sending a link 2 my parents so that they can show their network of friends about my meaningful life 'in the city.' I want to participate in at least 1 flash mob / group performance art activity per month. I want to re-create my college experience--I miss the sense of community when we executed our 'senior prank' in high school.

"So there we were. In our underwear. United as one. Like the time we voted for Obama. They were looking at us like we were crazy. But if they only knew... if they only knew."
-The Diary of a No Underwear bro

We moved to the city
and became
part of a movement
that made old people
smile
when they saw footage of us
at night
and young people
want to grow old
to be us
We are now
Because we have disposable income
and time to spend on the internet
allowing us to take place
in events that we perceive to be
more than just an internet-meme-generation process
Improvisation may or may not be everywhere
Because life is improv
and life is meant 2 be
interpreted [via progressive media]

[photos via SBCTVC]
I really need to start thinking about 'existing outside of the internet.' What should I do? Should I put up flyers around the city that make people smile?
I need 2 spend the rest of 2k9 organizing ppl into a physical army. We need 2 start 'making the world think/laugh' by undertaking progressively zany missions.
We need to fight as hard as we can to be more // than // just // a // meme.

If u were going to create a zany group event that 'made peoplez headz turn', what would u do and in what setting would u do it?