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Will the combination Red Lobster + Olive Garden restaurants 'save' suburbia?


I spend a lot of time and energy h8ing suburbia, wanting to break free from my past, shaking my fist at the mold that created me. However... as I enter the twilight of my twenty-something prime, and look ahead, I can't help but wonder if suburbia is actually some sort of 'utopia' where everything is pretty easy. U can drive a huge car, park in a huge parking lot, and unload the groceries via the garage in2 ur big ass house with a big ass TV. Even though right now, that process sounds lamestream and authentic, maybe it's a good way of life.

What if u were hungry, and u could drive less than 2 miles to a series of relevant franchise chain restaurants, all at varying price points, offering you the opportunity 2 dine on cuisine from 'around the world'? Is that really a bad thing?

As u know, most chain restaurants work in 'combos' 2 maximize operational efficiencies. I'm sure yall have vibed out at Pizza Hut / Taco Bell / KFC.

And maybe eaten at Chili's / On the Border of Mexico / Maggiano's Lil Italie.

But what if I told u that the new 'it' combo restaurant was the combination Red Lobster + Olive Garden. Seems rlly convenient, like this is the type of innovation that we need to 'save' suburbia. More restaurant mashups, more convenience, offer more opportunities 4 consumers 2 have more power than evr.

Sorta wonder if complimentary cheddar biscuits are going 2 become the new 'SXSWestern eggrolls.'

Or if 'free salad and breadsticks' will become the official relevant appetizer of the 2k20s.

I am rlly excited. Have had so many great memories at Red Lobster/Olive Garden.

Feels like we were transported 2 'Little Italy', eating rustic concept food.

Celebrating 'girls night out' with a bottle of wine @ the olive garden

Celebrating my 21st birthday with some lobster, some free cake, and some of my best friends.

Red Lobster: A great place 2 get some fried_wave shrimp/seafood + creamy sauce
Olive Garden: A great place 2 get some noodles & ketchup / creamy alfredo
Combo: A great place 2 bring ur family 2 share good times.

Really feels like Red Lobster + Olive Garden 'hybrid' restaurants might be what makes suburbia 'relevant.' Really hope that the 2k10s become known as the years when franchise restaurants were really down 2 'collab' and 'remix' one another. It feels like with this type of 'collab', we should no longer 'fear the suburbs', but instead 'buy property and build a factory home' in the suburbs. Maybe Win Butler was wrong all along...

I'll see you guys at Olive Garden / Red Lobster.

Which restaurant collabs do u want 2 see?
McDonalds + Chipotle?
Whataburger + In&Out?
Taco Bell + Panda Express?
Panda Express + Pei Wei?
Subway + Wendy's?
Chili's + Applebees + TGIFriday's?
IHOP + Denny's?
Panera Bread + Quizno's?
Golden Corral + Golden Corral?
Outback + Ruby Tuesday?
Is combination Olive Garden+Red Lobster 'the new Chili's?
How would u rate the dining experience at Olive Garden/Red Lobster?
Should I get a waitressing internship at Red Lobster/Olive Garden since I am only taking 6 hours at my suburban community college this year?
Do franchise chain restaurants make u feel 'trapped in suburbia/society'?
If u had a family of four that you had 2 feed for a low price, where would u take ur family 2 eat?

Do animals have rights, or should we just eat them all?

Photo via sharkvsbear


Sometimes I feel bored with all of the eating options available in America. We've tried everything--pizza, hamburgers, chicken tenders, miscellaneous sandwiches, miscellaneous items wrapped in tortillas, and even things as exotic as 'sushi.' I feel like I need some sort of subsistence that is 'different.' Feel like I might start eating things that are nonconventional. Possibly kittens.

It's kinda weird how the internet has 'branded' cute things like kittens. I have read in Time Magazine that there is a site about cats that laugh out loud. (I think it is a blogspot). It seems like people like to rally around things that 'make them smile'/'warm up their hearts', then send them to coworkers, or post sillie things on their facespaces. I feel like it might be 'alternative' to 'rage against kittens' and use them to stay alive, sorta like how in the hit film The Matrix, the computers utilized human heat to generate the energy to keep their systems running. Sorta just want 2 stay alive 4ever.

I have read on Wikipedia that AZNs actually eat tons of 'weird shit' including dogs, cats, river monsters, and 'Nessie.'

It seems weird to think that nonAmerican countries eat dogs and cats.

This picture sorta makes me feel 'disturbed.' These things that mean so much to American families can mean so little to AZNs. Wonder if they look at us, and think we are 'retarded' 4 pretending that these animals deserve to be treated like 'spoiled humans.'

I feel like maybe I should think that 'all animals are the same', including cows, pigs, fish, chickens, and turkeys (stuff that ppl eat every day). Animal Farming seems 'fucked up' and unfair. Wonder if I should stop eating meat. Wonder if I should only eat domesticated animals to 'make a point' about the mistreatment of animals that are raised just to be eaten. Would feel sad/meaningless if some1 raised me just to eat me, like I wouldn't be able to enjoy the simple pleasures of life like 'a sunny day' or pop 'indie music'.

Can't believe dogs + cats have been domesticated to the point where I 'don't even know where they come from.' For example, u know that zebras come from Africa, polar bears come from cold places, and sharks comes from places with water... but i have n00 idea where dogs + cats come from. I feel like this might be an argument for 'creationism.'

What do u like 2 eat?
Do animals have rights?
What happens when we run out of resources 2 feed huge animals like cows?
Do humans need 2 eat meat?
Is there a 'humane' way 2 kill animals?

(do u shop at the Whole Foods?)

Do Authentic Alts Eat Zany F00d?

[Note: This Picture was taken in a Government Lab where they are beta testing 'human fuel' a.k.a. 'food' for electro war foot soldiers.]

[Photo by the cobrasnake]

A lot of mainstream magazines have branded Alts to consume beverages like Sparks, PBR, and even 'drinking a lot of wine ever since I studied abroad.' However, no1 really knows what alternative people eat. Do yall eat junk food but 'somehow maintain ur amazing figure'?

Or do u only eat healthy, gluten-free food that u purchased a post-gentrified farmer's market?  Or do u just shop at Whole Foods?  Or are you a 'Chili's Vegan'?  Or do u eat McDonnie's breakfast?  Do u only eat CLIF BARS/ Pepperidge Farm products / Doritos / Sun Chips / post-ironic foreign foods / SNCKRS bars?

Or do u and ur BF just do a lot of meth?

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Is Meth ruining yalls local suburban community? Should I use HRO 2.0 advertising money 2 start a meth lab?  What's the difference between meth and coke?  What do 'drugs' feel like?

SRSLY THOUGH....what's yalls diet like?

Help me

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!


Help me. Please.

Why I h8 all seasonal pumpkin spice flavored foods. Is pumpkin pie overrated?


I am not sure why 'seasonal pumpkin spice flavors' exist. If they were actually 'good enough' to be a real flavor, it would exist as an option every day of the year. Just about every lamestreamer 'loves' pumpkin pie, and begins craving it in October and November. It has been witheld from their diabetes-wave palates that believe anything 'sweet' will enhance their lives. This is a short term pleasure that has led to an obesity epidemic in the United States, and will only lead to more sadness [via complications of being overweight due to a series of bad dietary decisions.'

I am not sure why people get 'so excited about pumpkins.' They will carve a stupid jackolantern at Halloween, then be like 'let's put the seeds in the oven and pretend we are crafty ass Martha Stewart ass bitches.' Why the hell don't pumpkins exist all year? We have tons of dumb fruits that 'taste like shit' because we insist on having them year round, or we'll import them from 'the bottom half of the Earth.' If we really enjoyed pumpkins that much, we would make sure that they were always in the fruit/vegetable section of the grocery store. We'd sell canned pumpkins, frozen pumpkins and more random pumpkiny gimmicky products.

The food [via pleasure] industry is exploiting nutmeg, ginger, and cinnamon for seasonal profits via idiots who thinks that 'pumpkins taste like pumpkin pie' via false visual representation. Pumpkin spice is a lie, sorta like the food equivalent of a 'made up holiday' that preys upon nostalgia and the idea that 'pumpkinny is holiday-y and is pure goodness!'

Do you ever see a 'pumpkin' and want to eat it? The key ingredients of pumpkin pie are nutmeg, ginger, and cinnamon. I feel like they are actually 'underbranded.' While the pumpkin itself probably adds a unique taste to a custardy pie filling/pastry/bread, I think that what most humans actually crave is somewhere in that cinnamon-nutmeg-ginger combo. Most of us would find more pleasure in the gimmick 'pumpkin pie flavored shit' that we eat if we just decided which element(s) of pumpkin pie that we enjoy, then used it as a starting point to find something that tastes better than pumpkin pie.

It is time to choose against gimmick pumpkin spice and/or pumpkin pie flavored food items and drinks.

Really? You want pumpkin pie flavored vodka?

AND PRINGLES?

Please. Just eat pumpkin pie.

Ugh. Nothing worse than ppl who love 'seasonal ales'

Really? The idea of getting drunk off pumpkin pie sounds appealing 2 u? Throwing up pumpkin pie after 24 pumpkin pie beers sounds vibey?

Would you really eat a frozen pumpkin pie?

Do you really want to chew on pumpkin pie for 30 minutes?

'wait this might actually be good.'

Pumpkin pie flavored things always trick you with faulty logic.

You like [dessert/drink item].
You also like pumpkin pie.
Therefore you will like pumpkin pie flavored [dessert/drink item].

This cannoli is another trick. In theory, it seems good.

But then ur like 'oh wait, just give me a real deal cannoli that tastes like I'm eating the cum of a beautiful Italian man/woman.'

"well, it is that time of the year! better eat it while I can!'

The pressure always gets to you.

Can you beat it?

Stop falling for the trick.

It's not actually 'limited edition.' It will be back next year.

Screw you #PSL.

Seasonal demand = a lie.

Oh kewl u have an ice cream of ur gimmick.

If you want a Hershey's kiss, you are actually craving mediocre chocolate, not PUMPKIN PIE.

Pumpkin bread is chill. It is not 'PUMPKIN PIE BREAD.' Would you attempt to turn 'carrot cake' into 'carrot cake pie' and sell it to lamestreamers who just want creamcheese frosting anyways? I guess maybe u would.

Every1 who talks themselves into some sort of 'seasonal pumpkin spice flavor' of anything is making a huge mistake.

Friends don't let friends make the 'seasonal pumpkin spice' choice.

I h8 pumpkin spice lattes.

I h8 pumpkin spice ice cream.
I h8 pumpkin spice frozen yogurt.
I h8 pumpkin spice gelato.
I h8 pumpkin spice custard.
I h8 pumpkin spice chocolate chip cookies.
I h8 pumpkin spice coffee.
I h8 pumpkin spice coffee latte ice cream.
I h8 pumpkin spice hamburgers.
I h8 pumpkin spice pizza.
I h8 pumpkin spice fish tacos.
I h8 pumpkin spice bath and body works products.
I h8 pumpkin spice soaps.
I h8 pumpkin spice cheesecake.
I h8 pumpkin spice Pop Tarts.
I h8 pumpkin spice Pringles.
I h8 pumpkin spice milkshakes.
I h8 pumpkin spice Wavy Lays.
I h8 pumpkin spice sodas.
I h8 pumpkin spice sorbet.
I h8 pumpkin spice humans.
I h8 pumpkin spice pumpkin spice.
I h8 pumpkin spice everything.

Pumpkin Spice who? #TeamNutmegGinger&Cinnamon

Do u h8 Pumpkin Spice seasonal gimmicks?
Why do u think ppl crave that shit 'around the holidays'?
Should it be around all year if it was 'really good'?
What if 'vanilla' and 'chocolate' were 'seasonal flavors'?
R u most into cinnamon, nutmeg, or ginger?
Do 75% of pumpkin pies suck anyways?
Do modern humans just want to feel something sweet on their ugly tastebuds?
Is pumpkin pie and the demand for pumpkin spice slowly killing America?
Is it time to 'rethink' pumpkin pie?
What is the worst 'pumpkin spice/pumpkin pie' flavored item that you have ever tasted?

Do u h8 lamestreamers who always fall for the seasonal pumpkin spice flavored gimmick?

Real Estate falls on hard times, forced to play buzz show at Chinese Buffet

Photos by Laura June Kirsch

Real Estate is one of the buzzworthiest bands of 2k11/2k12, touring across the country to 'raise their profile', and hopefully earn their way into the leather interiors of NPR-cool dad markets forever, grandfathered into our idea of 'indie that we pay 4' forever. Anyways, they played some show at a Chinese Buffet. I'm not sure if it is because they have 'hit rock bottom', living a life where they are addicted to needle drugs, inhalants, cock fighting and/or human trafficking in the industrial freezers of Chinese buffet restaurants, OR if this is some sort of 'kewl, new DIY scene', and having shows at ethnic restaurants will be 'big in 2k12'.

Do u <3 Real Estate?

Tonight, we were paid in #EggRolls, #SweetNSourChicken, #MongolianBeef, #SteamedRice, and a few 2-day old #sushi_rolls with mystery meat.

"It was actually a really good show. I got tons of premium buffet food."

"Yeah, it wasn't too bad. They even had duck!"

We had to be careful not to take food that we could not consume. We also did not generate buzz that we could not buzz.

"Ugh. All these alternative ppl keep spilling."

Keut alt Beer Girl is actually the CEO of the Buffet, a former Harvard MBA student, trying to save the business by letting buzzbands play shows afterhours.

'For $10, you got a show, and buffet access VIP wristband."

Who cares abt buzzbands when u r lathering your chinese food in duck sauce?

I'll never forget those times we shared at the Super Buffet. I will make sure to review it on Yelp, saying that it is a great venue with amazing acoustics.

#pray4DuckTails

Photo by Erez Avissar

That night, we waited in line not just 2 fill our hearts with pure buzz vibes, but to stuff our tummies with Chinese food.

Do u wish u were at this relevant Chinese Buffet show?
Are shows at 'non-venues' going to become the 'next big thing'?
Should I have a show at an Indian buffet [via riding curry waves]?
What kind of food would u want 2 be paid in?
Do these alts look happie at a Chinese buffet?
What's ur fave China buffet food?
Do u <3 riding MSG-buzz-waves?
Is it ur dream to one day see ur fave buzzband with the smell of fried ethnic food and miscellaneous sauces vibing in the background?
Do u take 'atomic shits' the day after eating at a Chinese buffet?

Should trendy food trucks be shut down 4 being unsanitary & hurting real restaurant owners?


From what I understand, it is totally alt and trendy 2 get food from food trucks, even though it isn't a real restaurant and u r eating food out of the back of a truck. Doesn't really seem like a good idea, but maybe I just have bad memories of 'the ice cream man' as a child [via 'dark personal stories']. Basically, you just have to learn how to make some sort of foreign ethnic food, usually wrapped in a foreign alt piece of bread (naan, tortilla, post-pita, post-Iron Kids Bread), and then u can start a business just as long as u have a truck. Tons of alt ppl do this and end up selling 'cupcakes' or 'tacos' and now white ppl do it and they kicked all of the 'real Mexicans/foreigners' who had food trucks b4 it was alt to own a trendy looking truck.

Anyways, the city of Chicago is 'cracking down' on food truck vendors.
Do u think they are doing 'the right thing' even though food trucks are s000 alt and trendie?

Food trucks—essentially restaurants on wheels—have taken off in cities such as Los Angeles and New York, spurred by the weak economy, trendy fare and the proliferation of social media, like Twitter. Food & Wine magazine voted an L.A. food-truck chef one of its "Best New Chefs" of 2010 and the Food Network has a show devoted to such vendors. But in Chicago, one of the nation's most progressive culinary cities, the trucks are held back by restrictive rules and operate in a legal twilight zone.

Do u eat at Food Trucks?
Would u rather eat at a chain franchise restaurant, as opposed to a mobile vending truck food service?
Do Food Trucks 'shaft' small business owners who invested in rent/a building/a real kitchen/tables/chairs/other stuff u need 2 run a 'real restaurant'?
Do food trucks 'try too hard' to make u think that their food isn't shuttle/ cooked+sold from a truck?

It seems like 'real restaurants' are standing up for their rights, making sure the food trucks get sent to jail/impounded:

A spokeswoman for the city says Chicago's rules are for health and sanitary reasons. The City Council is currently considering some changes in food-truck laws. Brick-and-mortar restaurants are fighting the mobile insurgency, chasing trucks from their street fronts, calling police and snapping photos of the vendors in hopes of catching them illegally parked.

Here is some video of some broad who sells 'gourmet cupcakes out of a van.' She 'tweets out her location' to 'loyal customers' who think they are getting a unique experience because they are buying food out of a truck. Feel kinda bad 4 her. Hope she can open up a 'real store' soon.

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After receiving a $275 ticket, Ms. Kurtz, a 41-year-old entrepreneur who quit her corporate marketing job recently to launch Flirty Cupcakes, told her fans to meet her in the alley. "It was like a drug deal," she says. "I said, 'Just take them and run."'

Rlly hope that ticket ate her profits for 2-100 days.

Do u think Food Truck Owners are 'bitches' or are they 'making gourmet food affordable and accessible for all humans'?
Is eating food out of a truck 'tacky'?
Do u only eat at restaurants where u have a waiter?
Are yall on #Team_Real_Restaurants or on #Team_Mobile_Eateries?

The food truck concept is "a quaint idea," says Dan Rosenthal, owner of Sopraffina Marketcaffe, a chain of Italian restaurants in Chicago. "But when you get right down to it, it creates an unlevel playing field."

A food-truck operation can get off the ground for under $150,000, while many restaurants spend more than $1 million on real estate and equipment to open their doors.

I feel like most food trucks can probably get off the ground for like $100, just as long as u can go to a junk yard and find an old RV or something. Really just need 2 make sure that u have a truck design aesthetic that appeals 2 'white ppl,' making it clear that ur food brand is way authentic.

Is Chicago 'right' for shutting down food trucks?
Are food trucks 'overrated'?
Have u ever acquired 'the shits' from eating 'street meat'?
Are food trucks the new 'fast food'?
What do u feel comfortable buying out of trucks? Dirt? Drugs? Frozen Meats? Ice cream? MP3s? Stolen Stereos?

Plz use the comments to share ur experiences eating food out of trendy looking trucks/crappy looking trucks owned by 'foreigners' who don't understand how the industry has been gentrified.

Do veggie burgers contain toxic / deadly ingredients?


Just read some story about how veggie burgers are bad for you because they contain dangerous shit in them. Worried and sad. I became veggies-tarean because I wanted to be healthier, and stop eating meat. I eat between 7-10 veggie patties per week. Now I find out that veggie burgers might kill me.

A new study shows that a number of popular soy products contain trace amounts of hexane, which listed as a "hazardous air pollutant" by the EPA and is known to cause nervous system failure and skin disorders in humans. It's unclear how much hexane you need to eat before getting side effects, but do you feel lucky, veggie?

The 37-page report [PDF] says that though the use of hexane is prohibited in "organic" food processing, it's widely used in the "natural" soy industry, and even by some companies that use the wording "made with organic ingredients." Mother Jones reports that since many fake meat producers aim to have as little fat as possible in their products, they will soak soybeans in a hexane bath to separate the oil from the protein. One researcher said, "If a non-organic product contains a soy protein isolate, soy protein concentrate, or texturized vegetable protein, you can be pretty sure it was made using soy beans that were made with hexane."


I am not even sure what all of this means because I didn't take chemistry in high school, but it seems bad. I really think veggie burgers do a great job of replacing the normal hamburger you can get at Chili's, Fuddruckers, Five Guys, In-N-Out Burger, Wendy's, McDonalds, Burger King, Ruby Tuesday, Sonic, Whataburger, Burgertown, Red Robin, and Johnny Rockets. Kinda bummed that I might have to start eating fatty meat again just 2 stay alive longer.

Feel sad. I am not sure if it is even possible to make your own veggie patties. Seems like it would be impossible, like modern kitchens don't have what it takes to chop up veggies and mishmash them 2gether.

I guess veggie patties are marketed to people who want to lose weight by not eating fat, so they have 2 do whatever it takes to get fat out. Not sure how the human body / dieting works, but I think ur not supposed 2 eat any fat.

Am I going 2 die 1 day?
Will veggie patties give me diabetes?
Are vegetarians 'full of shit' & they should start eating meat?
Are veggie burgers bad 4 u?
Is the organic / healthy foods industry a pyramid scheme / evil gimmick?
Will I lose weight if I only eat veggie burgers for the rest of my life?
R u a vegan?
What's the best tasting burger in the universe?

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