HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by Yvan Rodic

I was reading relevant fashion blogs, and I couldn't help but notice an exciting new trend all around the world. So many people around the world are starting 2 wear shin guards, protective devices over their shins. Maybe it means we r at war, and we need 2 be protected, but maybe it is a tribute 2 the past.

Maybe we are trying to reconnect with our youth. I have read that soccer is the #1 youth sport in America. So many kids on so many fields all across the world, playing the 'beautiful game.' Youth sports are important in facilitating a 'normalized' American childhood.

Guess maybe we just want to get back to our 'field of dreams', running around in our bright uniform, eating oranges at halftime, running under a tunnel of arms created by our parents, getting to eat a snack after the game. All of these meaningful moments culminate with 'going out for a pizza party at the end of the season.'

Felt relieved that my parents weren't poor, and could always bring a 'sweet ass snack' for the team after the soccer game. Felt bad for poor kids whose parents didn't 'man up' and drop some dollars on a premium snack.

The quality of snack ur parents brought on your assigned day was generally indicative of their parenting philosophy, and how far u would get in life.

Not sure if I would be down with gogurt as a snack. Seems sorta gimmicky and 'half assed.'

Just want to go back in time, b4 my parents were divorced. Back when my dad still thought it was 'worth it' 2 stay with our family since we were young. Back we he was an 'assistant coach' 4 my soccer team.

Want to jam an orange wedge in my mouth, pretend it is a mouth guard, hope it protects me as I grow up and encounter new challenges in our world.

Shin guards, here 2 protect me. Here 2 take my brand to the next level.

So many different styles. just want to find some that match my personal brand. Hope Am Appy starts to manufacture them soon.

Maybe I will make my own conceptual shin guards, made from the bark of a sacred tree. WWACD (what would AnCo do?) // WWFFD (what would fleet foxes do?)

Sorta worried that the shin guard trend might be manufactured viral marketing for the upcoming World Cup in South Africa, sorta like Die Antwoord.

I miss the green grass
I miss the competition
I miss bonding with other kids, b4 I felt 'different' than all of them
I miss the bond between coach and player, father and son
I miss my 'soccer mom.'

Soccer Mom. She could do anything. Raise 2-4 kids with minimal emotional or physical support from our father. Get us to school, keep our grades up, and keep us 'enriched' with youth sports and miscellaneous community educational activities. I will not become you, mom. Not only because I sorta h8 what u represent, but also bc I am not strong enough 2 do what u did.

This trend is 4 u, mom and dad. I know u think I have grown up, and I just wear things arbitrarily in order to 'look cool.' Not this time. This means something to me. These shin guards r 4 u.

Will u start wearing shin guards?
Will shin guards be the next authentic alt trend?
Did u play youth sports?
Did ur parents prevent u from playing youth sports when they didn't have enough time?
Who will win the World Cup?
Is 'going out 4 a pizza party' as a kid one of the formative 'bro chill session experiences' in ur life?

Were the Ninja Turtles a marketing tool for the pizza industry?

Photo via animal

Recently, an NFL quarterback named 'Michael Vick' went to jail because he had a huge dogfighting operation in his backyard. From what I understand, he would train pitbulls to fight at high stakes, underground, illegal dog fights. The dogs that were not 'tough enough' were drowned, hung, and electrocuted. Somehow, he got caught, then went to prison for like a year or two.

Recently, Mike Vick was released from 'the slammer.' He was signed to a new team called the Philadelphia Eagles, and a group of alternative people came out to protest not only his return to society, and particularly his return to the NFL. They believe that he should be 'in jail forever' for his crimes against dogmanity. They are also intent on illustrating that Michael Vick is 'not a role model', but it seems like modern society has already accepted the fact that athletes are not role models [via Charles Barkley marketing campaign].

Seems 'obvious' that these 'winners of the genetic lottery' playing professional sports without much of a 'real education' are not role models. Seems like it would be sweet to be them, since you get a lot of money to do what you are 'naturally good at', but seems very obvious that athletes are 'not role models.'

It seems like Michael Vick went to prison for 'longer than rapists go to jail' and possibly longer than some 'drunk drivers who kill people' go to prison. From what I understand, since Mike Vick was 'famous', they decided to 'make an example' of him, even though he really didn't hurt a human or anything. It seems like it still might be 'bad' that he harmed some living creatures, but still plausibly 'not as bad' as harming a human. It seems like there are some people on the planet who love animals more than they love humans.

Dog fighting seems violent. I am not sure what the difference is between dog fighting, boxing, and 'MMA' is. It seems like it might all be creatures trying to 'fucking kill' one another.

I am not sure why people love dogs so much. It seems like it might be an 'American thing' where u r supposed to have a dog in order to have a perfect life. It seems like some people 'love animals' more than they love humanity. I feel like there are a lot of people who are the same way with the 'environment' or something. It seems most reasonable to 'care about other humans' more than anything else.

People really seem to 'get fired up' about animal rights.
Here is a group of AZNs doing some metaphorical protest in support of Animal Rights

Here are some lonely men getting their protest on & raising awareness about dog fighting.

It seems like animal rights bros are 'very angry' about this, and if they had their way, we would kill Michael Vick in the same way that he killed a bunch of dogs. Like we would dunk him in water, hang him, beat him, and electrocute him.

Should we forgive this 'criminal'?

I think his excuse was 'in my poor black community, dog fighting was not only a sport--but a way of life.' It seems like we shouldn't hold it against him for wanting to become the greatest dog trainer in the history of the Earth--he honestly might not have known that what he was doing was 'wrong', or perhaps he did it all because it was some sort of think piece to inspire us to analyze how humans hurt one another on a daily basis.

Hopefully he will be safe from protesters upon his return to the playing field. Not sure if this picture is real, but worried this might happen to him during a game if he returns.

Do yall know if 'dog fighting' is wrong?
Do u know if 'human fighting' is wrong?
Is it possibly to 'rehabilitate' people from 'the streets'?
Do football players 'fight' and 'harm one another' just as much as dogs do when they fight?
Do u support athletes, or are they just 'ass holes who get paid too much and do stupid things'?
Do dogs have 'human rights'?
Are 'underground animal fights' the new 'music festivals'?

Previous animal rights coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/08/animal-rights.html