HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by HelLooks

Have yall ever seen girls who have regular girl hair, but then they use men's clippers to shave off part of their hair? It seems weird to me, like they are trying to break free from some sort of societal norm. Women are supposed to have long, beautiful, healthy hair, so any time a woman has short hair, there is a 'backlash' agains them, since they are 'trying to be a man.'

Do u think progressive sectional buzz cutting of women's hair is sexy / authentic?
Feel like this trend is for a type of altbaguette who are more than just rich girls pretending to be alt / tragic.

Should I buy my GF a set of hair clippers for her birthday to 'send a strong message' that she needs to step up her game and buzz off some of her hair?

Seems like u can buzz any section of your hair, and it will make you 40-60% more interesting

Photo by the Sartorialist

Does n e 1 know if Rihanna is alt for buzzing off part of her hair, or is it less authentic when a black girl buzzes off their hair since their hair is 'less manageable' than the soft hair of a white woman?

Should I buzz off the majority of my GF's hair against her will?

Should I just give her a sensible fade / wedge haircut with hair clippers?

What is the most authentic hair style for a woman? Are bangs still sexy, or did Zooey Deschanel 'kill' that trend?

Is it time for women to start buzzing of sections of their hair?
Should all women be required to shave their pubic hair?
If a girl shaves off part of her hair, do u think she is probably a dyke?
Will women ever become as powerful as men?
if Hillary Clinton had a buzz cut, would she have won the President of the World Vote?
Are women with short hair 'intimidating', or does it make u want to tell them to 'grow their hair out, stop wearing pants, and get in the kitchen'?

I was recently watching a youtube video of an indie bro watching a youtube video of a live performance by the popular indie female artist The St. Vincent.  The video is compelling content, an open love letter to the female of his dreams.   In the video, he pours out his emotional/spiritual/sexual/intellectual desires, letting St. Vincent know that 'they could have a perfect life together.'

Transcription of youtube video:

Hey St Vincent. I'm sitting here sprung out watching 'You Dig a Pony' meanwhile I just want to be digging your pony. I think you're sexy as hell. I've been stalking you since back when you were just an mp3 blogger meme, back in 2006. But I saw your potential, and here we are almost four years later, rich and famous. And I'm just so proud. I see you wearing those black tights all the time underneath your skirts and shorts, and to me, that just make a nigga go buck wild. The locks of your hair curl to perfection. You got a slammin bod and my dick raise up like a scissor kick when you hit the high note. But all I wanna know is, can you shred on your guitar like that bent over? I like that you sing in two microphones, because then it's like there's two of you, and I always wished that God made two of you so that I could fuck you while you lick my ass. Your lips are sexy red and I want to rub the large space in between your eyes. I'm best friends with Grizzly Bear, and I just want all of us to be friends in Brooklyn, and maybe live in your house and sleep in your bed. And I hope that when you watch this vid, you fall in love with me, because when I turn my swagger on, no one got it like this, and I be in your mother fucking dreams tonight. Thank you for watching my youtube, St. Vincent. Thank you for your music. And I love you.

I think many people would probably find this video to be 'sick', 'troublesome', and miscellaneous feelings that would put them 'above this type of cheap ploy for attention.' But it's important to talk about how altbros, indie bros, and music criticism middle aged bros view females in the alternative music scene. If we can assume that men are the driving force behind indie buzz, indie record sales, the indie media, and altEverything, then how do we fairly assess women's role in 'the whole scene.' It seems like in this open love letter to St. Vincent, the youtubeBro gave us a valuable insight into the true desires of all bros who are alt/indie/etc.

This is what alternative males want:

• We to be loved.
• We want to be relevant.
• We want to 'bang' bitches in 'mad crazy' positions
• We want to live a perfect life in a relevant city
• We want to be bffs with bands
• We want to follow bands/artists and watch them grow and attribute their success to ourselves for being on the forefront of relevancy.
• We want 'the most respected female' in the indie scene to be our gf [via the altbaguette theory]

How does indie bro obsession impact the indiesphere?

Will an ugly/not cute girl ever 'make it' as an indie artist? It seems like indie bros who 'shape' the indie world will always have trouble evaluating female artists. I think the first thing men look at is 'how attractive is the female.' That seems to be 'the most important element' when evaluating a woman in any profession (strippers, actresses, accountants, secretaries, etc).

I think it is also important for indie females to 'seem like they are real musicians.' This can be accomplished by either displaying a relatively high level of 'musicianship', or even just by 'appearing to take themselves seriously.' Many say that behind every great woman is a great man, so even if a 'skilled male producer' creates mad beats, the female band member/lead singer still has a very important task in terms of branding the live performance with the level of 'into-it-ness' of her presence.

Whenever I see coverage of an indie starlet, I imagine some music criticism bro wild a mildly erect penis while writing a blurb. In a short blurb, the music critic bro can project his feelings/hopes/dreams/desires. He can mention that the female artist is 'hot' but also say something that clearly indicates 'we need to take her seriously.' All blurbs about female artists by men are unintentional manifestos in which we 'search 4 a sexual identity.' I wrote this post to 'come to terms' with my homosexuality/heterosexuality/bisexuality/pansexuality/indiesexuality.

I feel like I am in search of 'the perfect alt woman', and I can't help but entirely identify with the St. Vincent Love Letter Vlog.  I want 2 be loved, have krazie sex, and also have an authentic life.  I am not sure if I like listening to music by women, but I feel like I will watch them if they are 'hot.'  It seems impossible for men to 'actually like' music by women, since many of the lyrical themes are coming from the 'fucking dreamworld' that exists inside of a girl's head.

Wonder if I would consider living my perfect life with the Dirty Projector altbaguettes.

Even the Zany SNL video meme bro got 'roped in' by the prospects of a 'perfect alt life' with Joanna Newsom.

How do yall think that the horniness of men impacts the critical acceptance of women? Can indie bros 'put aside their desire 2 mate' when evaluating females in music? Will an 'ugly woman' ever be very successful at anything, or does society naturally 'select out' the uggos? Should we segregate the indiesphere by gender? Should there be a 'pitchfork4Girls' instead of reading men evaluating women?

Does some sort of subconscious sexual desire impact the acceptance of all females?  Is the indiesphere an 'equal opportunity' hype machine?

Maybe indie bros are bisexuals. Maybe we do evaluate everything fairly. Maybe we just need to 'learn 2 love' regardless of (sexual) gender and (musical) genre.

Maybe we all need 2 take a lil ride on the chillwave...

How do the sexual desires of men impact the indie perception bubble/the Western World/the Middle East?
When u watch a female artist, what do u expect from her?
Are chick flicks/romantic comedies and indie-ish female musicians some sort of marketing gimmick to exploit the infamous 'female' demographic of humans?
If u like a band with a male lead singer, are u 'kinda ghey'?
Do women like male singers because they want to 'make love' to them/get swept off their feet into a rock n roll lifestyle?
Is it realistic for men to identify with themes in music made by females?
Will men ever see women as 'anything more than a fuck doll'?

I just listened to the Taken By Trees cover of Animal Collective's "My Girls" except she changed the words to "My Boys." Seems like a 'gender switching' gimmick that happens a lot in modern music [via 'No Scrubs' --> 'No Pigeons']

I feel like this song 'isn't as powerful' from a woman's perspective. The original 'My Girls' is a declaration of 'actually wanting to provide for your family' even though you are a male, and u naturally want to 'plant ur seed in tons of bitches' and abandon your family because u feel like 'caring for a child' is a female's job (this is actually the case in nature most of the time). It is important to remember that the only reason Animal Collective is so popular is bc of their underlying themes of 'male idealism'--bros enjoy to pretend that 1 day they will 'evolve' into a loyal, caring, noble, respectable, authentic human being. Women should stick to writing their own songs about their own experiences/emotional needs.

Can't believe the spirit of this song is 'totally different' and 'totally sad' when a woman sings it. No longer a song of 'hope'--it is a song where a delusional woman is 'trapped' with her life caring for her husband who cheats on her, and her son who will one day resent her.

Just feels weird to hear a girl singing this 'ode to servitude' where ur saying that u just want 2 care 4 ur family. It seems like some sort of 'propaganda' from the 1950s, back when women were supposed to 'stay at home, make sandwiches, do the laundry, and wipe the asses of the kids' while men could do whatever they wanted. The tone of this song seems 'whimsical', as if it is in a 'fucking dreamworld.' While it is always a bloggable gimmick to cover AnCo, sometimes u have to think about how ur 'diminishing some1's art' if u cover it.

Still not even sure what the Animal Collective sings in this 'My Gals' song. It seems like it might be a rejected song from the 'My Girl' soundtrack. Sad that Macaulay Culkin asked to be buried alive in Michael Jackson's grave.

There isn't much that I feel I need
A solid soul and the blood I bleed
But with a little girl, and by my spouse,
I only want a proper house

*****
I don't mean to seem like I
Care about material things,
Like a social status,
I just want
Four walls and adobe slabs
For my girls

Feeling confused, like I can't relate to AnCo since I'm not a 'caring parent'/cool dad yet.

Just want 4 walls and adobe slabs 4 my girls. 'WTF is an Adobe Slab?'

'I just want 4 walls and the Adobe Creative Suite 4 my girls.' -an HRO commenter during the HRO golden age.

do u want 2 have a family when u grow up or will ur kids/spouse h8 u as much as u h8 ur parents?

Photo via lookbook

Sometimes I wonder about the role of the female within alternative society. Are women 'more respected' by alternative men, or are they still 'sex objects who are meant to do chores'? From what I understand, non-self aware females 'just want to get married and birth kids', even if it means that their husband is aloof and distant (as long as he makes at least $100K per year). Sometimes I feel confused by the motives of alternative girls, bc it seems like even they 'don't know what they want.' Somtimes I wonder if females can be 'authentic alts' if they are using 'altdom' as a rebellion against their parents.

I feel like mainstream women raising families, who are 'trapped' in their situations might be stronger women than 'lil alternative bitches' because they know how to put other ppl first. I am not sure what alternative women want to be when they grow up. Possibly something in 'corporate retail', or possibly 'public relations', or if they are lucky, 'something artistic.' I am not sure how much altGirls really want to independently 'make it', or if they would be happy 'marrying some rich bro at age 26 just in case their life doesn't pan out.'

Not sure if AltWomen would know how 2 do 'mainstream chores' like washing dishes, clothes, dusting, swiffering, cleaning toilets, driving vans, going to the store, planting flowers in the front lawn, living in suburbia, carrying a child, or other mainstream female duties.

Feel like I have always semi-ironically done 'chores' and stuff, and sometimes used them as an excuse to bond with people from my local scene. Like when me and all my 'flatmates' would 'get buzzed and do laundry.'

Photo via Pregnant Goldfish

I feel like there is more pressure on women to 'conform' to society's expectations of 'being clean', 'being happy', and 'staying tidy.' Seems like it is more socially acceptable for a bro to end up being 'really tragic' bc he is a 45 year old man who is 'still trying to be alt.' Not sure if altWomen's flaws within alternative society make them 'more functional within society' than altMen, but I think they might be a good thing for physical mental health.

Would yall rather be a boy or a girl?
Do yall want a family with a happy home?
What are ur expectations of women?
Do yall honestly believe that women are capable of the same things that men are?
Is society 'bullshit'?

Photo via lastnitespartie

As yall know, I recently graduated from a state university with a degree in communications and a Public Relations minor. I applied to several large firms within my industry, but they told me I needed more work experience, and tons of human-2-human interaction. I applied for a position in the Marketing + Branding department of Chili's, but they told me I needed to start 'from the ground up' within their corporate hierarchy.

I became a hostess at an upscale Chili's brand which they are beta testing in several U.S. markets. I work at one in Phoenix (Scottsdale), Arizona. Being a hostess here is amazing...even the uniform is a little bit stylish. I have met tons of amazing people. This Chili's is great because we don't serve food to the poors. We are looking to be a place where business men can wine and dine their mistresses, and seem 'rich' while still eating variations of our original Chili's menu.

I've made some of my best friends at my job, so we're able to pre-party while we work, then go out and get mad crunk afterwards. Sometimes it sucks when men tell us that we smell like hamburger meat and fried foods, but I think after a while, they start 2 like it. Our bartender is sooo sweet, and always makes us the best fruity drink remixes.

Our signature dish

Ultimately, my job as a Chili's hostess has been a positive experience, and I believe that I am using my degree to its full potential. I am really becoming an ambassador of the Chili's brand. I love the girls at my job, and one of the most positive parts of our job is that we have an iMac computer to share at the hostess station. We get to huddle around, and look at facebook/myspace messages, and comment on which men look 'hot' and which men are 'ugly.' I couldn't ask for a better group of girls--not catty like other bitches.

I am looking forward to my career. I don't wanna make a ton of money--I just want to be happy, and that just means socializing with people who look like me, getting buzzed, hooking up, and talking about life/drama. Sorta like The Hills, except in real life, u can't get glamorous jobs like those girls. Just have to do the best with what you've got, party, and travel to party spots around the world (Mexico) for ur vacay.

Previous Misogynistic Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/01/i-am-planning-a-girls-night-out-with-a-group-of-my-closest-girl-friends.html

Photo via thefriendattack

I think that it is harder to be a 'girl' than it is to be a 'bro.' Especially in the alternative world. I feel like this girl is 'very brave' to wade across this sea of altbros, being moved around by the spirit of electro. I am not sure if I would trust so many bros with my body. Feel like a lot of guys would 'have a grab at my goods' or something. Might feel 'sexie' if they went home and 'jerked off' to thinking about touching me, though.

I feel like girls are 'objectified' in a different way, and have to meet very high standards to not only be 'hot', but to also be 'authentic.' I feel like girls are 'not as funny' and 'not as creative in ways that enable you to naturally socially climb.' I think that bros who are 'creative' don't have to be 'talented' and can utilize 'forced' gimmicks. Girls who are 'trying to expand their personal brands' are usually 'annoying' and 'jappy' or possibly 'desperate' and 'sad.' Feel like it is always a combo that is 'terrible', and then they end up with some inauthentic bro, and the enable some sort of 'weirdo reality.'

Feel sad that 'we're all insignificant', but I feel that women are still generally 'crazie' and 'are searching HARD 4 meaning', even if they pretend to 'not give shit', even girls who 'just do a lot of blow and listen to bloghouse and like 2 go thrifting.' Feel like bros just want '2 cum' on as many girls as possible. Feel like broads just want 'to be special' and 'different' in ways that might be difficult 2 fulfill.

I feel like girls are 'sadder' and 'take things very seriously.' I feel like bros are 'insecure' and 'angsty.' I feel like we all want to be special. I feel like we all want to be 'hot', 'relevant', and 'fuck lots of people', but I think bros and girls might 'get different things out of it.' I feel weird when people say that they 'just want to connect with a lot of people.'

I feel like being a 'homosexual' might make relationships easier. Not sure, though.

I feel like HRO would not have any readers if I blogged as 'Carla' or 'Cynthia' or 'Jessica' or some other female name. I feel like less people would want to 'identify with' me, or something.

Just another bro
making his way in the world
trying to find
love
a tug
and meaning
unsure about my sexuality

Would u rather be a boy or a girl?
If u were able to 'switch genders', would u masturbate more or less than u do now?

Yall.
Kinda tired of 'alt shit.' I need 2 ask questions that appeal 2 more people.

Who do yall think will be 'big in 2k9'? Kinda like a girl that 'every1 wants 2 tug 2.' Yall know what I mean.

I have a feeling that Natalie Portman might 'get famous' in 2k9. She was in popular movies like the Garden States, and I think she played Keanu Reeves' lovemate in The Matrix.

Another up and coming singer is the Katy Perrys. This is a picture of her before she 'rebranded' into a semi-attainable moderately alt broad with 'breasts that u can make love to.' This makes her attractive to men without isolating her from female markets.

I have also heard of this new mainstream band called Lady Gaga. She seems like she is taking 'electro' to the mainstream. She seems really unique, fashionable, and talented. Think she really 'gets' what life/dance music is all about.

I am not sure if I like her zany personal brand, or if she should have stuck with her 'Sexie New Jerseyian' brand.

Another person who I think will be big in 2k9 is The Jessica Simpsons. She used to be a reality star, but now she is starting to sing country music. She has a beautiful voice and is very talented. She invented 'mom jeans' in the early 00s.

Another band 2 watch is The Girl Talks. Now that they have officially 'become popular' and 'mainstream', we have 2 see if they are going to slip down in2 a spiral of ___________. R yall worried? What happens to ex-authentic alts when they become commoditized + mainstream?

Another band 2 watch is The Ches. They are a communist anti-establishment rock group. They sing about ideas like 'communism' and 'fascism' and 'hipsterism' and 'war' and 'death' and other stuff that sounds like Linkin Park.

N e ways... just wanted 2 let yall know what's going on in 'mainstream world' since sometimes we forget that there's all of these other people out there who like stuff that's less interesting than 'us.'

h8 mainstreamers, but u kinda have 2 follow it a little bit so that you make sure that you're still alt, and not 'becoming one of them.'

Who do yall think will be big/go mainstream in 2k9? What do yall know about these bands/acts/people that I don't know about? Need yalls help so that I can keep my blog 'modern.'