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gimmicky magazine covers
Meme Content Breakdown: "The Evolution of the Hipster."
Meme Content by PASTE MAGAZINE


As yall know, magazines enjoy covering 'hipster'-related content. Was reading Paste Magazine and saw some sort of scientific/sociological/cultural timeline that represents the 'evolution' of 'hipsters.' Sorta makes me wonder what alternative ppl are searching for. Humanity has a goal (trying to figure out how 2 live forever, and escape from the Earth before the sun explodes), so it seems natural that cultural subgroups have goals, as well. Maybe we just want to create the perfect playlist, and do other stuff that helps to express the real U.

It seems like mainstreamers who don't consume the internet and fringe alts who 'would like to be more culturally relevant' use exposes like this to plan their future adventures into the heartland of Altmerica.  Wonder if the world 'hipster' is even still relevant.

Seems like if I had a magazine, I would make sure to have at least one issue each year that had one of the following gimmicks:

  • Something about twitter
  • Something about 'hipsters'
  • '100 bands/people that u need 2 know about'
  • 'list of young ppl who are good at business/technology' (make sure that you pick an age, and use it in the gimmick, like '25 ppl under 25', or '100 entrepreneurs under 100 years old.'
  • Something about 'culture being dead' because of a demographic/generation whose influence is abt 2 get stronger.
  • something political/about a new, young politician who is 'different'
  • Some sort of list that reflects on the year

Carles will break down what each of the stages of alt in the 'hipster timeline' are attempting to represent.


2000: The Emo
Magazine Provided Blurb:
The proto-hipster’s white belt and guyliner make for a soulful combination.

Carles Blurb: Damn. Can barely even remember this era. Sorta glad that the internet wasn't very developed during this era so that it wasn't a strong foundation to build upon for the future of alt.  I feel like this sort of provided the 20 year plan for the popular goth/emo/punk tween retailer "Hot Topic."  Back then, I think most alts were true failures at 'being a functional member of society.'  Definitely closer to juggalos than 'relevant members of societ.'  Most alts were probably mistaken for homosexuals.  Even though modern authentic alts frown down upon this era, it was probably rlly important in forming how we are 2day.

2001: The Emo Redux
Magazine Provided Blurb:
The skulls on her tour-only Death Cab tee don’t match the skulls on her Vans, so it’s not like she’s trying too hard.

Carles Blurb: Back then, I don't think entry-level alts existed.  I am not sure if attractive females even considered being alt back then, so the pickings were thin.  Like portly girls wearing hoodies and van slip-ons.  I think the Starbucks cup is supposed to represent the consumerification of America/'the scene'/personal brands.  2001 was probably right on the threshold before the proliferation of Am Appy.  This is probs the last time is was 'kewl' 2 wear a band t-shirt. I sorta miss the early day, back when it was more difficult for people to find 'good music.' These days, inauthentic ppl can find buzzworthy music too easily.


2002: The Ashton
Magazine Provided Blurb:
His PBR trucker hat and faux vintage t-shirt reveal an obsession with “irony.”

Carles Blurb: A bro in transition. A bro growing up.  A bro becoming a bro.  A bro with a forgettable humble alt aesthetic.  Nothing about his wardrobe really tells u that he is worth getting 2 know.  Maybe we weren't worth getting 2 know back then.  Feel glad the the electro era happened to kill off this aesthetic/ship off this aesthetic to represent a more traditional bro.'  Not sure if iPods existed back then.


2003: The Scenester
Magazine Provided Blurb:
A gaudy tattoo appears on her chest, and she is never spotted without her iPod.

Carles Blurb: This is when music began 2 'really define' alt.  We were finally getting our content aggregations systems ready 4 hi-usage, and we could fill up our iPods with hundreds of songs, instead of carrying around Sony discmen.  Not sure if tattoos were happening yet.  Not sure when hi-life/pbr became 'the official beer of alt.'  Sorta weird how they used the term 'scenester', but now u would think a 'scenester' is a mexican pokemon alt tween with an asymetrical haircut and intense myspace photos.

Not sure if I 'get' the goal of 'magazines.'

I read that the popular sitcom character Marge Simpson is going to be on the cover of popular 'nudie' magazine Playboy. I think it is apparently a 'big deal' since so many people have watched the Simpsons for the past 100 years. Tons of cultural philosophers say that since her head is in the shape of a peen (a phallic symbol), she sorta represents all guys being a lil bit ghey.

I searched the internet for nude pictures of the Simpsons, and happened to find a 'shit load' of cartoon porn. Like graphic pictures of tons of characters doing 'the kraziest shit possible' to one another. It seems to indicate that there is already a niche of fans who are interested in seeing the Simpsons nude/performing sex acts, and they have probably already had their fill of Simpsons hardcore.

not an authentic hro advertisement


I don't think the magazine will show nudity, so I think a lot of people should just do a 'google image search' if they really want to get off 2 Simpsons porn. This is apparently how the porn industry works these days. It's a lot like the music industry--people want the best, most extreme porn/music 4 free.

Playboy appears to be utilizing this Simpsons gimmick just 2 try to sell magazines to 'people who usually aren't interested in Playboy' since showing C-list celebrity breasts no longer makes the Playboy Brand a valuable asset/resource to our society. From what I understand, men used to use Playboys to 'tug off' before the internet existed. I am excited about Playboy 'going under' within the next few years, but they might be able to extend their shelf-life if they get characters from Family Guys/South Park/Hannah Montana to show off their knockers.

Magazine companies seem like they are just trying to get people to buy them by posting pix of allegedly relevant people. Now that Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize, people are finally saying he 'hasn't done shit.'

Don't think Miley knows 'a damn thing' abt LIFE (not the magazine, but actual 'life').

Rolling Stone must have needed to 'sell tons of magazines' to tweens when they decided to ruin their brand.

What do tween broads know about Health? They probs don't even know what 'mammygrams' are.

Magazines seem like they 'try too hard' to generate discussion. Like they are trying to get 'stupid groups of people' to talk about their magazine content.

I am not sure if magazine covers are supposed to 'state the obvious.' I don't think that they can 'break news' as fast as the internet, but I think people still value them as some sort of 'pulse'

Not sure what this metaphor is supposed to mean.

'Jesus Christ.'

It seems easier/cheaper/'greener' to be a blog, since ur not wasting tons of paper. I feel happy to reach my readers through some wires and satellites and Macbooks. The internet has really 'changed the entire media landscape', whether ur looking 4 a 'good read' or if you need to 'get off' to some internet pornography.

As a society, we must 'take the final step' in eliminating magazines by disregarding them as unique content providers. We can't hold on to the significance of their brand just because they 'have been around forever.' Internet blogs must 'rejoice' whenever a magazine folds. We must blog/tweet to one another about how 'we' toppled another competitor by bringing tons more consumable content to our dedicated tribes of followers.

Will u 'tug off' to Marge Simpson?
What's the 'kraziest shit' u've ever tugged off to?
Are magazines better than blogs?
Are the Simpsons 'authentic' or 'just another krappie tv show'?
Are cartoons for people who 'live in a fucking dreamworld' (no matter how trendy & progressive they are)?

Previous Simpsons coverage

Aligning Ur Personal Brand with The Simpsons

Should I be proud of my son for being on the cover of Newsweek?


As yall know, I recently became a father. I have some great personal news to celebrate--my son was on the cover of Newsweek Magazine'!' While the topic of the cover story is somewhat controversial, I believe that my son is the perfect representation of the theme of the story. He is not a racist--but he is accepting of natural discriminatory practices which all humans acquire as we 'live life in our modern society.'

I don't teach my son any racist ideas. I have honestly set him free in the world, and he adapts accordingly. Most of his feelings of 'superiority' above minorities are somewhat natural. He is developing like any other human being would. He naturally 'senses danger' when we are on a poorer side of town. He has accepted the fact that he will never play in the NBA. He guards his wallet/personal belongings when walking past a seedy looking man in an urban area (it doesn't matter if the man is white, black, or brown).

I honestly believe that my son would have voted for Obama if he wasn't 'chillin in da womb.' There is no way that he is a racist. Some of his best bros are African Americans. If he is 'a lil bit racist', it is only to protect himself from evil/danger.

I am a proud father. Not proud for simply 'being a father', but I also take extreme pride in my progressive parenting techniques. I honestly believe that I have found the proper procedures to constructing an authentic child. I am more than just a cool dad. I am a perfect dad.

On a personal note, it was really amazing to go 2 my local news stand and see my son on the cover of Newsweek Magazine. Feels like he has really 'made it' as a human being/hate monger.

Not sure if Newsweek is still a real/respected magazine. Still seems like most magazines are just some sort of contest to create a controversial cover that will 'get blogged about.'

I just want my son to be blggd about 4 the rest of his life.
Is ur baby a racist?
R u a racist?
Will u teach ur son how to make 'racial assumptions' or will u give him freedom to grow into his racial preferences?


XX BONUS PERSONAL QUESTION ABOUT UR RACIAL H8/<3 XX

Honestly, though... what would u do if ur white daughter 'showed up to dinner with her two blipster fiances'?

Photo via pedestrian.tv


a) tell them 'You take off your zany clothes, son. Take your hat off. Take your sunglasses off when you talk to me. Didn't any one ever teach you any manners?'
b) disown ur daughter
c) have them take a family portrait with their zany cameras
d) put together a team-building arts+crafts activity so yall could bond
e) greet them a 'tasteless racial slur' but then say 'jk' even though you did/didn't mean it
f) Accept them in2 ur lives'
g) teach the bro on the left how 2 tie his shoes so he didn't have to wear velcro strapped shoes n e more.
h) I don't see colour, except if two bros are wearing a ton of neon shit
i) Plead with ur daughter 2 understand how difficult it is to raise a child who is a 'halfie'
j) Choose.Your.Own.Response


Lana BB! Is that u? As always, u look INCREIDBLE! I defanately want to read this magazine even thought I have never heard of it!

OMG! ur showing off a little bit of thigh... That CANNOT be legal in the continental United States, bb! UGH ur such a Hottie McHotHot! I could NEVER show that much thigh and ass. I mean, those are my favorite parts of a fried chicken, but my thighs are completely cottage cheesey. Sometimes I wish I could eat my own cottage cheese thighs with a spoon and a little bit of fresh fruit. That would be YUMMY and HEALTHY.

Honestly, all ur haters need to BACK OFF. I thought u were AMAZING on SNL! And I loved watching the lil Harry Potter guy do his MAGIC SPELLS on the show! He is a hottie hunk delight! U guys have GOT to be canoodling IRL! I wish I could ride a magic stick, but I haven't been with a man in over 2 decades.

Larry Gaga who? #TeamDelRey!

12 Comments!!! <3



Young James Murphy is on the cover of The Fader


Dude James...
We get it...
Ur retired bc u want attn
We're still paying attention

U still play shows, do high-priced DJ sets
and whatever else makes u an easy dollar
U earned it--I'm not arguing
but dude, seriously?

U built a time machine, took a picture of urself
and put it on the cover of a magazine?
I mean, that's honestly pretty gnarly
but at the same time, it is hella unchill

I mean, alt magazines are supposed to be for 'up and coming' artists
Ppl who will never be on the cover of a magazine again
now look at u
looking all young, looking like u have the whole world ahead of u

C'mon, bro.
an effing time machine?
Just to be on the cover of a magazine?
What the eff is wrong with u?

***
Did Jimmy Murphy go too far by building a time machine to be on the cover of The Fader?


Lana BB! Is that u! I couldn't tell behind all those BEAUTIFUL flowers!

U honestly look AMAZING! I am gonna stay in this weekend just to watch u on SNL. I CANNOT WAIT. I haven't identified with an artist like I identify with u. Ur defanately gonna be the QUEEN of Billboard after this maggy cover. I am so glad I knew abt u before u were famous!

U look good, bb! U deserve to be on EVERY mag cover in the ENTIRE WORLD! But then so many men would beat off 2 u, it might cause an economic crash and we'll have to #OccupyWallStreet.

OMG! Ur on the cover of Interview Magazine Russia, too!

BB! Get that fly off ur mouth! U remind me of a starving African child during one of those super sad commercials. One time I dated a guy who was into saving the world, and we went to Africa to build schools and install running water, but it was SO HOT and they didn't have any good restaurants there. He told me I was a diva bitch, but what's wrong with that? I just want to be treated like a QUEEN, not ignored for African children.

<3 <3 <3 LDR!

Natalie Inbrugli-Who? #TeamLanaDelRey!

11 Comments!!! <3



Bon Iver wears a dank tween Bieber hoodie on the cover of some magazine

bon iver under the radar magazine cover
From what I understand, there are businesses out there that exist just to put indie bands on their magazine covers. I noticed that cool dad-NPRwave 2k11 sensation Bon Iver was on the cover of some magazine called Under the Radar Magazine. He is wearing some sort of 'dank weed hoodie', probably because tweens wear hoodies, and he is trying to breakthru into new demographics by seeming 'younger', 'fresher', and 'swagger.' Probably trying to steal fans from Incubus, those dudebros who just wanna existentially dank vibe out and vibe and think abt the universe and be all like 'swaggy whoa brah, I'm thinking abt shit, yo and this music mellows me the eff out, sliggas!"

This is a massive moment for the future of Bon Iver's brand.

It seems like a chill ass marijuana leaf. I sorta wanna start vibing out in dank hoodies. Will probably go with this 1, though....

Does Bon Iver look 'mad swag'?
Does he even know how 2 turn his swag off?
Where can u get a sweet DANK hoodie?
Does this mean Bon Iver is trying to be a stoner bro?
Do u get depressed dank and listen 2 Bon Iver?
All day u dream abt gras?

Bon Iver

Alternative Celebrity

Bon Iver is a bearded man from a Midwestern forest who sounds like Bruce Hornsby and once collab-ed with Kanye West.

Read more>>>>
The Black Keys are on the cover of Rolling Stone. Is the indie genre FINALLY getting mnstrm recognition?


I don't really know the difference between the Black Keys and the Black Lips and the Black Dice and the Key Keys and the Key Blacks and the Lip Keys and the Bloop Blaps and the Meep Mrps and the Cars and the Indians and the Neon Indians and the Castles and the Neon Trees and the Tree Keys and the Black Trees and the Key Collective and Skrillex, but it is good to know that the indie darlings called 'The Black Keys' are finally on the cover of Rolling Stone, putting the indie genre on the map.

Do yall know what this band sounds like?
Are they some sort of cool dad band?
Is it 'about time'?
Has indie gone mnstrm?
Has garage rock 'left the garage'?
Is this indie's 'big moment' 2 'go mainstream'?
Does n e 1 know who this band is and what they are all abt?

Lana Del Rey looks BANGIN on the cover of some magazine that I've never heard of [again]


Lana Del Rey was previously on the cover of some magazine that I have never heard of [link], but now it seems like she has topped herself by gracing the cover of some other magazine that I have never heard of. If I had to guess, both are 'foreign magazines' that just like to put 'it girls' on their cover, even if they know 'damn well' that the girl's buzz is gonna die. Sorta like Uffie, Little Boots, or other random broads who every1 was all like 'omg they are the next big thing' but now they are picking up trash on the side of a road, not 2 pick up community service hours, but because they are searching for scraps of food.

Maybe I'm just 'too American' 4 my own good, but I just don't trust foreigner commy buzz mags...

Have u ever heard of this magazine?
What will Lana Del Rey's first 'big' magazine cover be?
Is she destined for the SPIN Magazine cover?
Does she deserve buzz?
Should she show off more of her bangin bod?
Do her lips look better than evr?
Will she be the biggest artist of 2k12?

Alt Soccer Coach Jose Mourinho is on the cover of Rolling Stone


Jose Mourinho is widely known as 'the alt-est' and the most authentic soccer coach in the world. It seems as though soccer has 'finally arrived' in America now that he is on the cover of Rolling Stone. Mourinho is widely referred to as 'The Special One', having coached Porto, Chelsea, Inter Milian, and Real Madrid to championship upon championship, becoming both the Arcade Fire and the Kanye West of soccer. Mourinho is better than every coaching great, from Vince Lombardi to Phil Jackson to Joe Paterno to Coach K to Greg Popovich to Jim Boheim to Herm Edwards to Tiger Woods old caddie.

Jose Mourinho was named the Rock Star of the year. I am not sure if he launched a buzzband or if he just embodies the rockstar lifestyle.

Oh wait, this is from Rolling Stone Spain [via Espana].

Is Jose Mourinho the alt-est/greatest coach ever?
What was Jose Mourinho's greatest coaching job ever?
Should Jose Mourinho coach the US National team?
Has the Klinsmann experiment 'gone down the shitter'?
Did David Beckham 'save' soccer in America?
Who will win the 2014 World Cup?
Do u read spanishwave magazines?

Odd Future is on the cover of SPIN Magazine, tries to portray them as 'decent human beings'


I'm not sure why SPIN Magazine decided to put Odd Future on the cover. Of course, the simple answer is because they 'get mad hits', fueled by 'controversy', and indie white kids apparently like them or something. I don't understand why Tyler the Creator didn't get a solo cover bc he is clearly the only member of the 'group' that any one cares abt.

It seems like they are a totally relevant and successful buzzband according to the wikipedia-wave intro.

Odd Future have provoked nonstop conversation throughout 2011, creating some of the year's most vital, kinetic, urgent, raw music and art. A brief overview of the young crew's output: Tyler's solo album Goblin, which has sold 135,000 copies via indie label XL, and his riveting "Yonkers" and "She" videos; Frank Ocean's twisted R&B confessional, Nostalgia, Ultra; MellowHype's remastered re-release of their Blackenedwhite album and the effectively creepy "64" video; Domo Genesis' Under the Influence mixtape; Mike G's chopped-and-screwed mixtapes; Syd the Kyd's Raunchboots instrumental EP; the stunning coffee-table photo book Golf Wang, with writings by Tyler; not to mention all the group's Tyler-designed merch. Their 2012 is booked with worldwide tour dates; they're shooting an Adult Swim show, tentatively titled Loiter Squad, set to premiere in early 2012; a clutch of releases, including a full crew album, are planned for the newly minted Odd Future Records (distributed by Sony Red); and there are rumored collaborations with Pharrell (Tyler's idol) and Justin Bieber (an acknowledged fan).

Moreover, they've defined a fresh rallying cry for disaffected youth and have reinvigorated the decades-old debate over whether rap music reflects, or ruins, society. Amid discussion forums and Tumblr'd fan tributes, there are hundreds of essays parsing whether the group are misogynistic, homophobic, or hate-filled, due to several graphic depictions of murder and rape in their lyrics. They were subject to domestic-violence protests at the Pitchfork Music Festival and were admonished in GLAAD press releases. This May, Sara Quin of lesbian folkies Tegan and Sara denounced Goblin on the duo's website, wondering, "Why should I care about this music or its 'brilliance' when the message is so repulsive and irresponsible?" Tyler's response, via Twitter: "If Tegan and Sara need some hard dick, hit me up!"

The whole 'cover article' just goes on and on about how 'they are actually very nice, down-to-earth people.' They aren't just using 'shock tactics' to generate interest. They are just t0tally zany, and singing about killing women and having sex with them is just funnie! Also, Tyler the Creator doesn't h8 gheys. He is tolerant. Black ppl are naturally tolerant because white ppl discriminated against them once.

"That was the first thing that came to my head," Tyler explains later, sitting on a Seattle hotel bed, after the show following the Vancouver date. "When I said that shit, I thought it'd be funny. But then I was like, I don't even care anymore….I mean, I guess my dark side comes out in my music, but it's just weird that so many people think I'm such a fucking evil person. I don't fucking hate gay people. I'm probably one of the least homophobic rappers in the world. I don't discriminate, because that's what the fucking whites did to the blacks back then, and that's what kids did to me at school, because I listened to different music and shit. So I don't fucking discriminate.

What a body, bb!

Tyler the Creator claims that he will 'never go solo', but that is just a common vibe in the black community. Whether you are a rapper or professional athlete, you have to 'take care of ur crew' even if they bankrupt you or if you end up going to jail for funding a dog fighting ring.

A couple of times during the trip, when the tour bus is too hotboxed or somebody's boxers are on the floor, Tyler jokes about going solo. But when he accepted his MTV Video Music Award for Best New Artist this year, his mom crying and screaming at his side, he delivered his largely bleeped-out speech with the group hopping around and hugging behind him. "I would never, never leave these dudes," he says. "Without them trusting my lead and having my back no matter what the fuck happened, I wouldn't be here. Because I come up with some crazy shit, and nobody trusted me, but these motherfuckers was like, 'You know what? Fuck it, eat a roach.'"

We learn that Tyler the Creator bought his mom a house, some of the members of Odd Future have children, and Tyler the Creator has a GF so he doesn't bang groupies.

Here is a picture of that guy who punched that photographer lady.

The article concludes with confirmation that the write 'became friends with Odd Future', and is basically a member of their band now.

We spend two more hours chatting, about heartbreak, piano lessons, and how it sucks when your mom follows you on Twitter. At one point he exclaims, "I've never been this happy in my life. I just got a shirt with a fuckin' cat on it!" The next day, when Tyler hugs me goodbye, he says, "Bye, loser," in his famous, growling baritone. I snap back, "I hate you." As my cab pulls away to go to the airport, I already miss the Wolf Gang.

I feel nostalgic for Almost-Famous-wave rock journalism. :'-( Back then, profiling writers actually 'became friends with the band'. These days, publicists just tell the band who 'not to be a dick' to so that you can 'get on the cover of SPIN', get portrayed 'like a decent human being', and the publicist/PR firm gets to make it seem like they are 'great at their job'.

Is Odd Future the most important buzzband in the world?
Do they look totally zany on that cover bc they are covering their faces?
Are they 'what rocknroll is all about'?
do u believe that they are 'good people' underneath it all?
Should Tyler the Creator 'trim the fat' and 'go solo'?
Has their buzz already died?
Is this the greatest moment in the history of horrorcore rap?

Tyler, The Creator

Alternative Celebrity

Tyler is a teenage producer, rapper, and the leader of an experimental lofi shock-rap crew called Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All.

Read more>>>>
Lana Del Rey looks BANGIN on the cover of some magazine that I've never heard of


Lana Del Rey has basically been the only interesting artist in the blogosphere lately. Even though it is for 'all the wrong reasons', and she will ultimately just become a boring female artist whose lyrics appeal to hollow females who think that they 'actually like her music' but only vibe to her because she is pretty and they wish they could be creative (like many female artists before her). Anyways, 'at the end of the day', Lana Del Rey has a BANGIN and/or SMOKIN bod. Here she is on the cover of WONDERLAND. Have I ever heard of Wonderland Magazine? No.

I wonder what's inside Wonderland Magazine. Maybe coupons. Local news stories. Tips for old people with high cholesterol. Recipes for the world's best pumpkin rice crispie treats. I'm sure ppl who walk by the magazine will be all 'VA VA VAVOOM! BABABOUEY! BOING-OING-OING! Who's that dame!'

No idea what her 'PR Team is thinking' letting her magazine cover debut take place on WONDERLAND, but the least they coulda done was 'put her in a bikini' or something. She's got a GREAT bod, so she might as well 'give us what we want.'

At the end of the day, I guess Lana was right. Maybe we should all just goo playy yoour veehdeeoooh gaahyyyhmess.

Do u think Lana looks good?
Is her body premium?
Are her songs 'good' or have u already forgotten abt them?
Have u ever JO-ed to Lana Del Rey?
Have u heard of this magazine?
Do u think Lana Del Rey nude pics will ever emerge?

GIVIN IT SOME LIP, bb!

Das Racist is on the cover of SPIN. Have they finally 'taken down' Odd Future?


Das Racist is an indie rap group with some Indian college grads are are 'funnie' and rap abt sillie stuff that appeals to high end white ppl, but they are also branded as being 'great at rapping.' Some how, they managed to 'finagle' the cover of SPIN Magazine. I am not sure if this means that they have 'crossed over' to the mainstream, or if SPIN Maggy is just 'trying really hard 2 be alt.'

One thing that we can confirm is that this is a 'huge win' for Das Racist as they compete with Odd Future to be the most relevant rap troupe in indie. While Odd Future might have an MTV VMA, the cover of SPIN might propel Das Racist to superstardom, eventually playing illustrious indie television shows like Jimmy Fallon and Carson Daly.

Has Das Racist 'graduated from indie'?

With that in mind, to explore the rise of rap's most radically hilarious new firebrands Das Racist, we dispatched Hari Kondabolu (a formidable stand-up comedian in his own right and brother of group spiritual advisor/hypeman the Honorable Prophet Dapwell) to grill the trio on how jokes work as truthtelling, even when you title a song "Booty in the Air." As a sidebar, the group's Victor "KOOL A.D." Vazquez also drew 102 fake rappers with names like "Turnip God," "Lil Hater," "Kurfew," and "Yurple Man," which are worth the price of the issue alone.

Does this issue look authentic & funnie?
Is Das Racist the #1 rap group in indie?
Are they 'funnie' or 'serious ass rappers'?
Should they rap abt more 'thug' and/or 'hood rat' shit?
Is SPIN Mag 'trying too hard' 2 be alt?
Is SPIN Mag becoming 'the Jimmy Fallon of magazine covers'? [via indie-leaning]
Should Das Racist add a black member to compete with Odd Future for 'negro markets'?
Should Das Racist say 'the n-word' more frequently to 'cause controversy'?
Is this the greatest moment in the history of Indian Indie music?

Das Racist

Buzzband

Das Racist is some sort of post-ironic rap group.

Read more>>>>
Aziz Ansari is on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Has he 'crossed over'?


Aziz Ansari is an alt comedian who every1 is all like 'he's the next big thing', except he kinda already had his 'breakout year', but then he never really capitalized on it, and he is sort of stuck being 'niche famous' with the rest of the unfunny ppl in the NBC Thursday Night comedy club. Anyways, he has been waiting for his moment to become 'the greatest standup comedian' in the world, but I'm not sure if that ever really gained any traction. He's gonna be stuck settling for 'making ppl who watch Hulu' giggle in front of the glow of their laptops.

Anyways, he is 'on the cover' of Rolling Stone Magazine. Except he's not actually on THE REAL COVER, this is some sort of 'insert', or like the secret backpage cover. He 'looks cool', but I think he should have 'held out' for the real cover. Unless his agent got confirmation that he will never be on the cover of the magazine for the next 5 years, this was probably a bad idea that diluted his brand with the editors, and will potentially send his career into a downward spiral where he ends up on a sitcom that gets cancelled, airing on The CW.

Donald Glover's name is on this 'comedy issue.' I'm sure Donald Glover's PR agent found out about this cover opportunity and 'punched thru the wall', but then felt comforted with the thought of getting Childish Gambino 'the real cover' for being a rapper. Say what you will about Aziz Ansari as a comic, but at the end of the day, he's not trying to be a rapper, instead he just mocks black comedians for being so black, and you have to respect that.

Do u prefer Donny Glover or Aziz Ansari?
Can Aziz Ansari get his career back on track, recapturing the buzz of the RAAAANDY era?
Should he launch a rap career like Donald Glover?
Is he still alt relevant?
Can he get mainstream relevant?
Will he ever be more famous than Chris Tucker/Chris Rock/Dane Cook?
Will he just end up like Louis CK, overvalued at the end of his career?
Does Aziz Ansari still go to buzzband shows?
Was this a 'legit' Rolling Stone cover?
Did he agent/PR team 'score him a massive cover' or was this a 'desperate' move 4 a sinking career?
Should he stop trying to be so alt/relevant as a comedian, and just ride some fattie Mike-and-Molly waves all the way 2 the bank [via CBS sitcom]?

Aziz Ansari

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Aziz Ansari is an indie comic who is often associated wit the hit show 'Parks and Recreation' or the now defunct MTV show 'Human Giant.'

Read more>>>>
Some magazine accidentally thinks Kreayshawn is still relevant, puts her on cover


Kreayshawn is a buzz rapper with a viral video song who went viral and some how parlayed that into a million dollar recording contract. Unfortunately, she doesn't REALLY have any skills and no one really takes her seriously as a rapper, so it is sorta just a doomed experience that already kinda died. Some magazine called COMPLEX put her on their magazine cover, and I'm not sure what their goal is. Do they really think Kreayshawn is a relevant human worth profiling, or are they just 'a little bit too late' capitalizing on the demand 4 any content abt her.

If u were running a magazine, would u put human memes on the cover?
Is Kreayshawn 'effing dead'?
Is she a legitimate member of 'the hip hop community'?
Can she write another song like that 1 song that went viral?
Have u ever read this magazine?
Do u hope she releases more n00dz soon?
Is she famous enough to go on Celeb Rehab after her 'fame' dies?

Skrillex is on the cover of SPIN Magazine. Is he the #1 DJ in the world?


Lately, electronic dubstep ravewave music has become way more popular than 'boring ass white ppl indie music'. SPIN decided to put Skrillex on their cover, which will definitely sell more copies than last month's St. Vincent cover. Skrillex looks good, bb!

Does this mean Skrillex has finally 'won' the throne as the Prince of Dubstep?
Is he the most popular DJ in the world?
Can u believe he is 23 years old and more famous/rich/successful than U?
Do u <3 or h8 Sonny Moore?

I'd say that the article is 'actually worth reading' for an entry-level crash course on the 'electro dance house dubstep rave music' boom in the post-Daft Punk era.

This is a new era in American electronic dance music. And if you want to understand it, keep your eye on Skrillex, regardless of what you think of dance music's current ultracommercial turn, or of dubstep's regressive macho tendencies, or of the genre's 30-plus years of rhythmic refinement threatening to devolve into a Pauly D fist-pump. Dance music fans have been like those ornery partisans in the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups commercials, pre-epiphany: "You got electro in my techno!" "You got commercial in my underground!" Skrillex manically disposes of those dichotomies; his music is like a melted goo of influences, sticky and chemically sweet. And the kids are eating it up.

See Skrillex perform and you understand why Deadmau5 -- the genre's most spectacular, or at least recognizable, act -- has anointed him with his magic mouse pheromones, releasing Skrillex's official debut EP on his own label, Mau5trap. You understand why Atlantic Records has made Skrillex a cornerstone of Big Beat, its recently relaunched dance-music imprint. "It's changing so rapidly, it's just crazy," cool-hunting DJ/producer Diplo shouts into my ear backstage at Electric Daisy Carnival while Skrillex plays. Diplo's T-shirt reads BABYLON IS FALLING.

Are RAVES the future of the modern music festival?

Consider these numbers: The total of 230,000 attendees this year at Electric Daisy Carnival surpassed Coachella, which sold 75,000 three-day passes (a reported drop from 2010's take). In its 12 years, Coachella has grown into a cultural institution, an event whose imprimatur makes stars, confirms legends, and attracts a parade of willowy starlets who are chronicled from the Huffington Post to US Weekly. Electric Daisy Carnival's profile is sketchier, to say the least (see SPIN magazine's "Electric Mayhem," page 54). But even indie-centric Coachella has been skewing its lineup towards electronic dance music over the past several years.

DJs are a more cost-effective act than some dumb boring band with guitars. The kids are going crazie for DJs, and u can sell Red Bulls to underaged kids at massive markups.

"Promoters make a lot more money on the DJ shows," explains Diplo, a few weeks after EDC. "A band plays, it's 45 minutes; DJs can play for four hours. Rock bands -- there's a few headliner dudes that can play 3,000–4,000-capacity venues, but DJs play the same venues, they turn the crowd over two times, people buy drinks all night long at higher prices -- it's a win-win."

Should I stop trying to launch a buzzband, and instead launch a buzzstep DJ project? I feel like I will make more $$$$ instead of just buzzbucks/PitchforkDollars.

Has ravewave gone mnstrm?
What kind of music does Skrillex play?
Is he the #1 DJ in the world?
How do u feel now that electro music is OFFICIALLY more popular than 'RELEVANT WHITE PPL INDIE NPR MUSIC'?
R u gonna go to a rave soon?
Who is more famous: Bon Iver or Skrillex?
Who is more famous: Panda Bear or Deadmau5?
Who is more famous: Diplo or Skrillex?
Who is more famous with ppl under the age of 25: John Lennon or Skrillex?

Skrillex

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Skrillex is a popular dubstep DJ who is arguably the #1 alt DJ in the world.

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St. Vincent shows off her BANGIN INDIE BOD on cover of HUSTLER Magazine

st. vincent annie clark lesbian

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St. Vincent looks like the poor man's Alice Glass on the cover of SPIN Magazine


I was in my local Borders, looking for some sweet deals bc they are going out of biz, and I saw the cover of SPIN Magazine from afar. At first, it looked like Alice Glass, and I was really excited. I screamed, "MY BB IS ON THE COVER!" Then I moved closer, and I noticed the curly hair. Bummer. It was just St. Vincent.

As yall know, St. Vincent is totally obsessed with her facial structure and how her curly hair frames her face. Honestly kinda let down. Do u think she is GRADE A INDIE HOTTIE? Or would u prefer Alice Glass / Vicki LeGrand / Maddie Follin / Andrea Estella any day of the week?

I used the zoom tool 2 try to see if this was a see-thru dress. Maybe I am a bit pervy, but I am OBSESSED with areola vs. skin tone in an artsy kinda way.

R u at all interested in St. Vincent enough 2 buy a magazine abt her?

Here is some funnie 'profile piece' journalism where u just try to make an artist sound smart and interesting, but they just come across as douchey:

Clark is at Quartino, a restaurant near her apartment in the East Village, when I arrive. She's wearing something chic and black, looking slight and effortless, and reading a book about shamanistic psychoanalysis and surrealist exercises written by Alejandro Jodorowsky, the director of El Topo. We talk about that, and about films and serial killers and podcasts, and she says she listens to "Savage Love" sex columnist Dan Savage in the van when she's on tour.

Want a little bit more?

When I meet Clark again, she is wearing a peach miniskirt and a white button-down silk top. She looks like a John Currin painting: all eyes and curls and a long pale neck and sloped nose under freckles that seem to cry out, Render me in oils. Exaggerate nothing.

We are at the student entrance of the Metropolitan Museum of Art for a tour of Savage Beauty, an exhaustive exhibit of the work of 
designer Alexander McQueen, who killed himself last February at age 40. Clark likes fashion, but she doesn't talk about it with any kind of pretension or grandiosity. Fashion likes her, too. She wore a McQueen dress for her date with 
Byrne to the White House Correspondents' dinner, and she's friends with the Brooklyn-based design duo Vena Cava, but is smart enough to joke about how silly it all is when she's asked about her involvement in that world.

It is actually kinda a funny read. It must be a parody, like The Onion or something. Here is how it ended.

Clark and I part ways after lunch -- she's heading to the 6 train, I'm getting a cab on Park Avenue. I say goodbye, we hug, and she's off, a tiny silhouette in the distance. Her silk shirt and skirt billow in the hot breeze. I look uptown at the horizon, processing the memory of her, and my eyes creep up to the huge sky.

BB did u straighten ur hair? She kinda looks like Feist in this picture. Maybe they are trying to confuse ppl into listening 2 her music.

R u totally in2 St. VInny?
Do u <3 or h8 her music?
Does she need to write girlier music?
Should she 'be more mainstream' by showing more skin?
Do u think she is going to eventually 'lose it' and 'go Sufjan' [via crappy electro era where she dances around on stage]?
What kind of consumers actually enjoy/purchase St. Vincent?
Who is prettier: Alice Glass or Annie Clark?

St. Vincent

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

St. Vincent is Annie Clark. She plays the guitar and writes deep songs that go on for a really long time.

Read more>>>>
St. Vincent is on the cover of some magazine I've never heard of


I am not sure who is even into St. Vincent. Her music is too conceptual for girly girls to vibe to, and it really only appeals to indie bros whose peens get erect while they read about how music sounds on music blogs. No idea how big her following is, or if cool dad overgrounders even vibe to her. Anyways, she is kinda keut in an alt way, but she may or may not have a BANGIN BOD that she doesn't want to show us. Sorta wish she did a bikini shoot on the cover of Under the Radar Mag instead of some weirdo pinwheel artsy fartsy crap.

We get it, St Vinny... U have a symmetrical face that ur proud of. I know that means ur truly beautiful, or whatever, but we just need some girlier Feist-wave MP3s. If u wanna go mnstrm, it's time 2 man up and write songs 4 gurliez by a gurlie gurle.

Here is some video with a photographer pinwheeling her for hours. That is not a sexual term.

Do u <3 St. Vincent?
Have u heard of 'Under the Radar Mag'?
Do artists 'get anything' out of being on magazine covers?
Do u wish St. Vincent didn't play such weird guitar rock and sang abt her feelings behind a lil piano?
Would u rather spend the rest of ur life listening to St. Vinnie on repeat, or watching the hit film 'My Cousin Vinnie' on repeat?

St. Vincent

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

St. Vincent is Annie Clark. She plays the guitar and writes deep songs that go on for a really long time.

Read more>>>>
Santigold rebrands herself on the cover of some magazine 2 distance herself from M.I.A.


I remember when Santogold came out, she was basically branded as an M.I.A. byproduct. Just another female rapper being 'eclectic' and wearing tights and sneakers. But now MIA has gone off the deep end and Santigold has 2 rebrand herself 2 put some distance between the looney Sri Lankan. So she is wearing a suit and tie, maybe trying to go 4 a classy Janaelle Monae vibe. Seems like a good career decision bc no1 takes MIA srsly n e more and she just seems hella 'dated.'

I have honestly never even really listened 2 Santogold, except in this Bud Light Lime commercial.

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I wonder if her music is going 2 change.
Ppl try 2 hype her as an authentic pop producer, but she went 4 the post-MIA buzz, now she has 2 rescue her career bc ppl prob think she is a terrorist too.

Does Santigold = MIA in ur brain?
Can Santigold save her career?
Do u <3 Bud Lite Lime or r u more of a Miller Chill bro?

Alt comedian Zach Galifianakis on the cover of Rolling Stone bc he is funnie 2 brostreamers


Zach Galifianakis is the tubby guy in The Hangover. He basically just poops out of his mouth, and embodies modern comic relief, except it is way sadder, because I am pretty sure 'bro humor' just needs to be relieved from existing. Put I guess he's in The Hangover, and he says zany funnie stuff in his comedy, so 'this is his moment.' Comedians on the cover of Rolling Stone is apparently 'a big deal', but magazine covers aren't really a 'big deal' any more so I guess he got on the cover before it folds in _ years.

Do yall think this guy is funny? I feel like he is just 'sillie' to mainstreamers who don't follow internet humor, but at the same time, he is like the ultimate human meme for people who are 'way too into internet humor'.

I guess u have to give him props for tricking mainstreamers into thinking he is both 'funnie' and 'edgie.'

U just wonder 'who is on the inside?' of that bro. What's he all abt? Does he h8 himself? What does he want? Does he sleep with women? Does he ever feel like he can't lose weight or else he won't be typecasted any more? Seems like a really dark existence.

IS this a TOTALLY AMAZING magazine cover?
Is Zack Gallaphanackus totally funnie?
Have u and ur bros gone 2 see the HangBrover?
Was Zach G 'cutting edge' in the 90s?
Is his delivery + content 'overrated'?
Has he 'made it' [via Rolling Stone cover]?
Do u <3 him or h8 him?


Taylor BB! If I were a HOT HUNK, I would make my Girlfriend 4 sure!

Honestly, I am thinking of becoming a lesbian at this point. I feel like my needs are so intense that only another large woman would understand. But I am so turned off by the sight of myself in the mirror that I might not be in2 it. It's real hard when u have an ex who told u it was alright to eat entire boxes of Cocoa Puffs 4 dinner.

I lovelovelove how hipster she looks on the cover. I NEED a new digital camera and photo printer. I have an old camera and I usually just take pictures of myself from high angles to minimize the number of chins that I have. My ex used to give me gaget advice because he worked at Best Buy, but ever since he got promoted to his Geek Squad job, he just doesnt have time 4 me. Turns out he was dating the girl who roams in the video game and CD section.

I GOTTA pick up this magazine. Maybe it has DATING TIPS.

Reba McEntire who???? #TeamTaySwift

She is a HOTTIE and SMART and KEEPS HER CLOTHES ON without SLUTTING IT OUT!

5 Comments!!! <3




BRITNEY!!! Ur a classy girl!

ur a great mom and a POP STAR. I do not know what i would do without ur music to help me thru my 30s, ever since u started ur career. honestly ur an inspiration and i wish u nothing but the best. My exBf used to call me Bazaare because I would cry when I looked at myself in the mirror and kept my tshirt on during sex.

Brit LOOKS EFFING GOOD
I wish i could lose my baby weight even though i havent ever had a baby.
ugh

#flawless

3 Comments!!! <3




Gaga BB! I can't get enough of u... so how abt u morph in2 three of u?

Honestly sometimes I feel like my boyfriends should morph into more ppl to pay attn to me... instead they morph into 0 ppl and leave my life and become a ghost. Even if they are in a relationship they dont talk to me and don't soothe me and hate my problems and never pamper me. Don't get me wrong, I understand that can't happen all of the time, but a woman has needs. and sometimes u just want to feel like a girl. Like a princess. (I still h8 h8 h8 k8 middleton)

Gaga is A GODESS and can DO NO WRONG.

Love Love Love it... or should I say....
LOVE LOVE LOVE love love love LUV LUV LUV it!

3 headed gaga 4evr!

9 Comments!!! <3




Beyonce bb! Rihanna who??? #TeamB

Jay-Z is SO LUCKY to be d8ing this bonafide sexi bb.... I honestly have loved Beyonce since Destany's Child. But at the same time, the name of the group always made me sad, because I wondered if I was the opposite of destiny's child... maybe I was 'leftover child', 'abandoned child', 'psychilogically abused child.' It sucks to not feel special and sometimes feel like i don't have a purpose to live and to want a boyfriend who likes me despite my flaws. I just want to be happy.

But Beyonce LOOKS GOOD and FIERCE and I lovelovelove her hair!

I love Billboards! In my book, they are still a GREAT way to advertise, especiallly the electronic ones!

20 Comments!!! <3




American Idol has a FRESH BREATH of NEW LIFE after Simon left... He was always too negative 4 me.

He reminded me a lot of my exBF... Really judged you and was CONTROLLING, a complete DICK and a KNOW-IT-ALL. I h8h8h8h8 him. Stevie is THE BEST and I loveloveloved that Armageddon song about NOT WANTING TO MISS A THING. I would love to have a love like that :-)

Steven looks good, YOUNG, and fresh! His daughter LIV is GRACEFUL and AMAZING!

#TeamPaula
#TeamJLo
#TeamRandy
#TeamEllen

Love Am Idol! Gonna start writing a recap post! Whose gonna win?

7 Comments!!! <3



Some magazine puts Aziz Ansari on the cover, writes 'profile piece' abt his awesome life


Aziz Ansari is sorta like the 'Conan O'Brien of alt'... His stock was 'hot', but now he is sorta just on cruise control and every1 tells him how much they <3 him on social media. I have never watched Parks and Recreation but I am sure it is funny enough to lose to cop-thrillers and sci-fi shows on a weekly basis. Aziz Ansari has been seen at many VIP alt events, such as SXSW, Coachelly, and LCD Soundsystem's final show.

Anyways, some magazine called "Paper Mag" put Aziz Ansari on the cover of their blog magazine. I don't know if they sell copies or anything. If I were Aziz Ansari, I probably would have worked hard to become the #1 comedian in the world, then waited for a symbolic 'I've Made It' Rolling Stone cover, representing his comedy brand 'crossing over' in2 the Mainstream.

Here is a paragraph about 'how cool' he is:

In real life, though, you get the sense that Ansari's attempting to be -- and succeeding at being -- actually cool. A joke-friendship with rapper West, once fodder for his stand-up, appears to have evolved into an actual friendship -- though when asked to talk about it he declines to comment. He pals around town with James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem and TV on the Radio's Dave Sitek. Last year, he interviewed Animal Collective for The Fader. In addition to Band of Outsiders, he's a fan of other hipster-approved fashion lines like Patrik Ervell and Thom Browne. Ansari is also a serious foodie; Momofuku's David Chang is one of his good friends, and he can't get over how amazing ABC Kitchen was, where he ate the night before our interview. "Vegetables that are really fresh like that are so good. Like, if you eat a really good tomato, it's really good." He frequently uses Twitter to outsource restaurant recs, and to extol the joys of eating delicious food -- fish tacos and burritos in particular. In other words, his life sort of resembles the New York magazine Approval Matrix.

R u jealous of his life?
Does he seem like one of the most relevant ppl ever?
Has he 'made it' or can he still get 'more fans'?
Do u wish u got to bronoodle with tons of relevant alternative celebrities?
Will he 'make it' as a comedian, or will he eventually just end up being the 3rd lead on a moderately successful sitcom?
Can he write 'the next Seinfeld'?

Aziz Ansari

Actor, Alternative Celebrity

Aziz Ansari is an indie comic who is often associated wit the hit show 'Parks and Recreation' or the now defunct MTV show 'Human Giant.'

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Jennifer BB! U look EFFING GOOD... I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have your gorgeous skin, looks, and personality and talent...

But I am just stuck with ur badonkadonk... exept WAY bigger... Speaking of which, I NEED TO HIT THE GYM... I would like to work on my core and my lower body, doing weights that help to TONE my body. Lifting weights actually SPEEDS UP your metabalism instead of just KILLING URSELF on cardio. I took a bunch of diet pills once then passed out on a treadmill at the gym. #embarassing.

Usually I am AGAINST competitions that honor beauty, which is how Jon Benet Ramsey was murdered, but at the end of the day, J-Lo is BEAUTIFUL and TALENTED, and she deserves SUCCESS and LOVE.

I hope Marc Anthony is good 2 her... I am still upset she is not with Ben Affleck anymore, but it happens. #Bennifer

Jennifer Garner who? #TeamJLo
Paula Abdul who? #TeamJLo

8 Comments!!! <3



Fleet Foxes frontman Robin Pecknold shows off his beautiful smile/beard on the cover of SPIN Magazine


Secretly, the Fleet Foxes sold 'mad albums' in 2k8 when they released their last album. I think there is a huge audience out there that likes to vibe to chill bro folkwave guitar bro music. Maybe the same overgrounders who listen to Mumford & Sons and The Decemberists. Anyways, The lead Fleet Fox 'Bobby Pecknold' is on the cover of SPIN Magazine this month, which must mean that their band is kinda maltstream. I wonder if SPIN Magazine needs to stop putting these mindie bands like Lykke Li and the Strokes on their cover and just get Rebecca Black on their cover. Or maybe Heidi Montag/Kim Kardashian.

Do u think he looks keut?
R u gonna grow a Fleet Fox beard?
Is he one of the Keutest indie hunks in indie?
If u were an alt skank in a city that they were touring thru, would u do ur best to end up in his hotel room giving him 'the tug job of his life'?
Does he look 'dreamy' and 'contemplative'?
R u gonna buy this issue of SPIN Maggy to learn more about this buzzband, or did the Fleet Foxes 'peak' 4 years ago?

Robin Pecknold

Alternative Celebrity

Robin Pecknold is the lead singer of the popular folkwave band 'The Fleet Foxes.'

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Fleet Foxes

Buzzband

The Fleet Foxes are a Seattle-based folkwave band signed to Sub Pop Records.

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Zooey Deschanel: Is she airbrushed & photoshopped on another magazine cover?


Zooey Deschanel was recently involved in a MASSIVE photoshopping scandal after a controversial lip stick ad where her lips looked like Mrs. Potato Head lips [link]. Now she is on the cover of some magazine that I have never heard of called Flare Magazine, looking hella airbrushed/photoshopped. It doesn't even look like her, which is alarming, because much of her appeal is about being a 'natural, indie-wave beauty.' Now she looks just like any other slutwaver who is all 'whored up' [via photoshop magic].

Are we losing Zooey Deschanel?
Is her career 'in trouble'?
Is she trying desperately 2 'go mainstream'?

I sorta miss the old, natural Zooey... I hope Ben Gibbard isn't pushing her to change who she is [via distorted body image pressures].

R u disappointed in Zooey Deschanel?
Are these magazines ruining Zooey's indie personal brand?
Is Zooey Deschanel 'alt' or 'mainstream'?
Will she ever win an Oscar, or will she always just be more of a 'Kirsten Dunst' than a 'Natalie Portman'? [via indie leading ladies scale]
Was it 'worth it' to get photoshopped on 'Flare Magazine'? Should she have done it 4 Vanity Fair/Rolling Stone/US Weekly?
Is new mainstream Zooey 'mad hotter'/do u think mainstream Zooey will get 'massive breast implants'?

PREVIOUSLY

Are Zooey Deschanel's lips photoshopped in her new lipstick ad?