HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by thecobrasnake

My daughter begged and begged for the opportunity to see one of her favourite indie bands. Of course, with a name like that, I certainly had never heard of them, nor had I heard their music...except for when she hijacks the car stereo... Colour me unimpressed with all of this modern rock and roll music. Hmph.... While I can clearly see through the consumerist aspects of the music and marketing machines, sometimes you need to just turn your head and let your kid be a kid.

Well, she's a good kid--one of the brightest in her class, and she made an A on her recent pre-Algebra test. I'm a big believer in giving your kids freedom--something my parents never did. Who knows what I could have been if some one had believed in me and gave me some room to grow and make a few mistakes. Let's be honest... I don't want to be the bad guy in my kids' lives'. I want them to feel love, and I want them to experience life and love and art and beauty. I want them to live rich, meaningful lives', which is why it is important to let them cherish music.

The truth is, I am very protective of my 2 sons and particularly my daughter. It's been so hard to watch them grow up. I live in constant fear--a dark fear that they will make the wrong decisions, spiraling into a less than mediocre life filled with drugs, unprotected sex, and jobs in the service industry.

Photo via our driveway

Anyways... we drove to the venue. Lemme tell ya... Don't forget to bring cash for parking... They'll think of any way to make money off you these days. Before the show, I took my daughter to the merchandise stand so that she could pick out a t-shirt. She had a really hard time, since the designs were so intricate. I think she picked a good one, though...nothing too loud.

The band started playing, and it was actually invigorating. It reminded me of when I was young, but as you know, trends are much, much different these days. Everything was going great, but then I looked to my left and my daughter wasn't there. I looked to my right, and I just saw some greasy tween boy with deep acne scars. I looked behind me. I saw my daughter floating over a crowd of hands, being groped and manhandled in every which way by hundreds of sweaty palms.

This was truly the darkest moment I had ever experienced as a father. The only thing darker would probably be 'getting a lap dance' from my daughter at a 'titty bar.' Perhaps I should not have let her attend this concert. Perhaps I should have just dropped her off. It hurt to see my angel fade away, looking both uncomfortable and pleasured as men and boys touched her in her 'nether-regions.'

My daughter had vanished into the sea of tweenage hands. I let her go. I accepted that she was no longer my little baby girl. She had grown up, and it was time to let her spread her wings to become a beautiful alternative butterfly. She would find happiness in life, and my metaphorical teet would no longer quench her thirst for a fulfilling life.

She was gone, but in the distance I saw another teen girl moving towards me, as if the Lord's hands were bringing her to me. I realized I was at a rock indie concert. I realized I needed to have fun and be myself. The girl floated closer and closer to me. Eventually, she was held up by nothing but my arms.

I moved my and groped her, feeling her all around, exploiting the situation even though I was 20 years above the average crowd age. The truth is, I never experienced 17 year old sex when I was 16-19.

For the first time in years, I felt young again. People looked at me like I was a predator, or a sicko--but if only they knew what it was like to grow old. If only they knew these were the best days of their young lives'. If only they knew...

I am glad I let my daughter have her freedom, but more importantly, I got my own freedom back. I never saw my daughter again, but I know that somewhere, she is happy because she chose her own life. Enabling your children to make their own decisions relieves the pressure on you. Let them make their own mistakes. Let them live.

Has ur mom/dad ever escorted u to a concert/show that u wanted 2 attend?

Did the experience bring u closer together, or was it 'hella ghey' since u couldn't be urself?

Do ur parents think that ur just a 'trendhopping fggt'?

What kind of car do ur parents drive? [link2funnie_post]


Previous Crowd Surfing Coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/crowd-surf-gang-bang.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/grabfest-2k8.html

Photo via thefriendattack

I think that it is harder to be a 'girl' than it is to be a 'bro.' Especially in the alternative world. I feel like this girl is 'very brave' to wade across this sea of altbros, being moved around by the spirit of electro. I am not sure if I would trust so many bros with my body. Feel like a lot of guys would 'have a grab at my goods' or something. Might feel 'sexie' if they went home and 'jerked off' to thinking about touching me, though.

I feel like girls are 'objectified' in a different way, and have to meet very high standards to not only be 'hot', but to also be 'authentic.' I feel like girls are 'not as funny' and 'not as creative in ways that enable you to naturally socially climb.' I think that bros who are 'creative' don't have to be 'talented' and can utilize 'forced' gimmicks. Girls who are 'trying to expand their personal brands' are usually 'annoying' and 'jappy' or possibly 'desperate' and 'sad.' Feel like it is always a combo that is 'terrible', and then they end up with some inauthentic bro, and the enable some sort of 'weirdo reality.'

Feel sad that 'we're all insignificant', but I feel that women are still generally 'crazie' and 'are searching HARD 4 meaning', even if they pretend to 'not give shit', even girls who 'just do a lot of blow and listen to bloghouse and like 2 go thrifting.' Feel like bros just want '2 cum' on as many girls as possible. Feel like broads just want 'to be special' and 'different' in ways that might be difficult 2 fulfill.

I feel like girls are 'sadder' and 'take things very seriously.' I feel like bros are 'insecure' and 'angsty.' I feel like we all want to be special. I feel like we all want to be 'hot', 'relevant', and 'fuck lots of people', but I think bros and girls might 'get different things out of it.' I feel weird when people say that they 'just want to connect with a lot of people.'

I feel like being a 'homosexual' might make relationships easier. Not sure, though.

I feel like HRO would not have any readers if I blogged as 'Carla' or 'Cynthia' or 'Jessica' or some other female name. I feel like less people would want to 'identify with' me, or something.

Just another bro
making his way in the world
trying to find
love
a tug
and meaning
unsure about my sexuality

Would u rather be a boy or a girl?
If u were able to 'switch genders', would u masturbate more or less than u do now?

I was recently browsing youtube, searching for live performances of all of my favourite bands, and I stumbledupon this video entitled "ALICE GLASS BEATS IDIOT OVER HEAD WITH MICROPHONE." I watched it 2 find out what was happening.

At the 1:25 mark, I noticed that the music stopped, and lead singer of Crystal Castles--Alice Glass--did something very violent. She slung her microphone back, and then wound up, and then hit some bro. U can hear a thud, which was probably an altbro skull being crushed by a microphone. Then she called him a 'fucker' and hit him a few more times.

Kinda sad that one of my favourite altcelebs of the Blog House era resorted to hitting a bro with a microphone. Makes me kinda sad, but then u start 2 think, what did the altbro do to get beat+kicked out by a bouncer?

In the past, I have made several posts about ppl 'having a grab' at females when they fly into the crowd.
One Post is entitled "Alice Glass Upskirt Grab"
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/alice-glass-upskirt-grab.html

Another post features a tweenAltBro with braces drooling over having his face in Alice Glass's Business
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/i-dr00l-over-alice-glass.html

And here is some other Female Crowdsurfing Theory inspired by Uffie
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/grabfest-2k8.html

Hope people didn't get the wrong message from these posts. It's not okay to 'grab' female altcelebs, yall. U wouldn't grab a female accountant while she was accounting, would u? She's just doing her job. Hopefully venues don't make us start signing waivers b4 we go in to keep us from violating members of bands.

I'm kinda worried. I feel like this act might have happened because the BlogHouse bubble is bursting. A lot of altcelebs are feeling a lot of stress ever since the latest AnCo album came out, and sort of made electro/bloghouse seem obsolote+trivial.

Let's take some time to remember Alice Glass from her glory days with an old tribute video.

Do yall know if this is the pic of the person who Alice Glass beat up?

Do yall agree with violence?
Or whenever an act of violence occurs, is some1 'asking for it'?
How far is 2 far, yall?
Should the other member of Crystal Castles have stood up 4 her?
Should we all have to take Anger MGMT classes?
Are 'acts of violence' just viral marketing techniques?

If I were a mainstream media journalist, I would turn this post into a puff piece that tells ppl how our society is falling apart. I would show this Man with Child Predator Glasses pouring vodka into the moufz of concert-goers, and try to point fingers at who could have possibly taught him this? Who is setting an example within our society that lets child predators have their way with God's children?

We can't just let every1 pour vodka in the moufs of every1.
There are laws within our society. The legal drinking age is 25 for a reason.
There are facebooks/social networking sites for child predators 4 a reason.
As an alternative population, we must do more to show that we are a good example for society as a whole. Please embrace the social responsibility of being a member of the alternative population.

h8 child preds
Hopefully Barry Obama finally starts doing stuff instead of sitting on his ass and smoking ciggs/going 2 Washington D.C. 'tittie barz'/'laser tag arenas.'

XX BONUS GRABFEST SCENARIO XX
Can I ask u a personal question?

[Photos by thecobrasnk]
If u were at an alternative event, and u looked in2 the sky, and saw a former 'it girl' appear above you, would u
a) pass her along, becoming one with the crowd
b) have a lil grab
c) protect her from other altbros trying 2 have a lil grab at her, hoping that she would notice you and let u have a legitimate grab at the end of the night
d) ask her for career advice
e) take a picture with your iPhone
f) take a picture with your dSLR
g) try to make a vlog with her
h) ask her on a meaningful date with the line 'I am not an alternative celebrity--but I do know what love is.'
i) ask her 'WTF is a meme?'
j) wait 4 Agyness
k) wait 4 Uffie
l) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Previous GrabFests
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/grabfest-2k8.html

In our modern world, whenever a female artist crowd surfs, any even is automatically renamed GRABFEST _K_ (depending on the date). Put urself in the shoes of a bro, or even an altBro... would U 'have a lil grab' if u had the chance?

It's difficult for any male to resist the temptation of 'sticking a finger or two' up some one's '_____.' This is why there are s0 many bros with 'shit eating grins' in the kute pic of Uffie above. If u were a girl, would u crowd surf?

[Photo by The Cobrasnake]

Previous memorable crowd surfing moments on HRO
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/crowd-surf-gang-bang.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/alice-glass-upskirt-grab.html

BUT SRSLY...
is there a point when crowd surfing is no longer authentic? Or is the act of 'crowd surfing' something that marketing firms invented to add 'meaningful emotional value' to your live show?

Uffie

Alternative Celebrity, Buzzband

Uffie is a French bloghouse rapper who is known for hanging out with her titties out.

Lists: it girls, slutwave, QTs, indie songstresses

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Girl Talk

Alternative Celebrity, DJ

Girl Talk is a laptop DJ who got big in the bloghouse era but really just produces generic, well-branded mix tapes.

Lists: indie hunks, 2k10 buzzbands, beards, bloghouse era, Producers

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