HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo via BJthePandaBear

I have never climaxed with another human being. I have 'been with people' but I still have never 'came' bc of a vagina, mouth, or bum hole. I mean, I really love the people I've been with, but I'm always just really uncomfortable since we have to 'do it' in public places. I want to make love to some1 in a place where I am comfortable. Really looking forward to my dorm room so that I can bring people home to sleep with.

The truth is, I want to make love to my true lover for the first time on top of an AZN. I was reading in AZNmagazine that utilizing an AZN as a bed/love seat / futon is really effective, and actually helps you thrust into your lover. Whether it is a man or a woman, if you are on top of an AZN, you can reach your lover's gSpot 45% more effectively. I really wanna try it out, yall. Going to IKEA to buy one this weekend. ^_^

I remember in the past, I wanted to buy an AZN, and I came up with 'snarky' descriptions abt what would be the best part about owning an AZN, but I failed to see that human furniture might be a huge trend. I read that in the Bruno film, Paula Abdul utilizes 'filthy mexicans' as furniture or something.

When I start design school, I will find a way to convert humans into functional objects/household tools. From what I understand, our Earth is overpopulated, and there aren't enough jobs. I feel like some ppl should 'find happiness' by doing something simple like 'being a reclining chair', or possibly putting a piece of glass on their back and 'chilling as a dinner table.'

Might get this TV stand, but my HDTV is 'fucking huge' so not sure if that is stable enough.

Would be chill to get a 'bro shelf' but might 'turn ghey' if I see peens too often.

I feel like a human Dorito holder would probably be something that would go well in my apartment.

Just want 2 build a comfortable home, where I feel safe enough to 'climax'/'cum'. ^_^

Previous Posts about Human Trade
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/tag/human-trade

Previous Posts about buying an AZN
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/09/what-would-u-do-if-u-bought-azn-reader.html

Photograph from when my AZN tried to escape and I had to go 'spotlighting' in the wilderness of Los Angeles to try to 'find' (recapture + punish) him

If u could buy 1 piece of human furniture, what race + type of furniture would it be?

photo by lastnightsparty

I always feel sad when a shitty band from my local scene goes on tour. They are 'pumped' about their future, expanding their fan base, and get to remind ppl how awesome 'bein on the road' is [via facebook status/twitter/etc]. Before going on tour, a band must come up with merch, burn a bunch of CDs for resale, and possibly make a massive stickers+buttons order. Thinking about buying more than just t-shirts this year. Might actually 'buy a human' that is branded with our band, and sell him/her as a sex slave. Apparently females buy more t-shirts, so we might sell a male instead of a woman. Might take a good bro on tour to work the merch table.

Feel excited about human trade, and branding humans for profit. Reminds me of when America was 'actually pretty awesome' [via slavery]. Kinda weird how different things are now.

My band is taking our bassist's mom's van on the road. Gonna try hard not to hotbox it.

It's gonna be sick. It'll be a tight squeeze, but I think we'll remember these hard times when we are touring across the country in a sweet tour bus, playing PlayStation4 and getting our dicks sucked by groupies. We just gotta pay our dues. I know our music is good, and we have a cool layout and a devoted fan of followers on twitter/myspace. We just gotta grow with our local scene, and prove to the bigger cities that we have a really good product. I think if we just keep playing, raise some money for studio time, then put in a lot of hard work to market it and get it into the hands of the right people, then we can do it. Might film meaningful parts of our road trip, then make a 'tour video' with our most meaningful song in the background.

This tour is going to be the start of something beautiful.
Going to start working on t-shirt designs. Will probably have a bird, some sort of guitar, and something 'natural' with our band name written in a kewl font. Printed on American Appy shirts.

Do yall know any annoying bands in ur local scene who think they are going to make it?
Feel free to post their myspace/twitter URL in the comments, and tell people 'why' they are funnie. Like '______ is a shitty indie band from _____ trying to make it. They are funnie because the lead singer works at Starbucks and dates the local altWhore.'

[vialookbook]
I just saw the cutest lil alt when I was doing some online shopping yall. I remember back in 2k8, my big gimmick was 'purchasing an AZN.' This year, I think I'm looking for something that's a little bit more youthful and fun. While buying a lil alt might be a 30% increase in maintenance costs, I think it will probably end up being a better accessory/altSlave. AZNs are small, but u can't really compare their size to a lilAlt. Pre-tween alts are perfect because they are so energy efficient and customizable. So even though you're going to pay a bit more for a lilAlt, they'll probably get you back that money with fuel/energy savings.

LilAlts are more customizable than AZNs. I was actually thinking of starting a Human Trade shop in my local mall where people can purchase lil Alts (and a few high-end AZNs), and select outfits + accessories for them. (kinda like popular franchise BUILD A BEAR)

What makes having a human accessory fun isn't the fact that they 'help u with chores' that much. It's kinda more like having a tamagachi. When it 'cries' u have to feed it a lil bit. and sometimes u can play with it. but if it dies, u can just press the 'reset' button or get a new 1. The fun part is just 'making it ur own' and it doesn't require the responsibilities of having a child of ur own.

What type of lilAlt do yall think yall will buy?
(Thinking about adopting a pokemone from a 3rd world country.)

What.Would.Jesus.Do?
Is there a different kind of human that u are thinking about purchasing in 2k9, or is 'the economy' holding u back from making the $100-$200 investment?

Yall. I know it's impossible to find humans on sale on popular internet websites like craigslist, ebay, or even friendster. However, if u lived in a dream world where adults could be purchased in an open market, what would u do?

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Reader responses
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8. I would send my AZN to the Electrowar front.
7. you fucking piece of shit.
you can't buy human beings.
you should feel really shitty about yourself for writing about asians like that.
you view azns in a really bad way on this blog.
its disgusting.
6. fashion xcessory. gwen stefani has 3 of 'em.
5. i'd make him grow his hair and train him to become the new Steve Aoki and make loads of cash.
4. I would make my AZN pick up a to go order from chilis.
3. I'd also take him to class with me. And I'd have him cook me some ______...I <3 azn food.
2. : 1. buy an AZN /// 2. wait 2 years for china to become more powerful ////3. sell it for more ////4. ???????? ////5. profit !
1. YALL--it's fun 2 joke around about AZNs but srlsy, we should be buying things/people made w/love in the USA. Dov from AmerAppy knows what i'm talking about.

Love all yall commenters, yall.

N e ways, I have always known since the song "Don't Speak" that Gwen Stefani was innovative, but I never knew exactly why except that she married the guy from the George Bushes Band or whatever they are called.

Gwen Stefani is a singer, designer, and proud owner of a [tuggle of AZNs].



So let me ask yall again. WHAT WOULD U FCKNG DO IF U BOUGHT AN AZN/MISCELLANEOUS HUMAN BEING?