HIPSTER RUNOFF

Photo by the StyleShark

Yesterday, I used my Palestinian scarf for something functional. I was attending a large outdoor concert, and I had to urinate. I had to walk to the edge of the property in order to use the portable restrooms that were provided by the festival promoters. As I approached 'the facilities,' I could smell something 'sterile' but also something 'incredibly disgusting.' As if I was standing on the sidelines of a battle between the pungent smell of poo and the cleaning agents that people poo and pee into within portapotties. I covered my nose and mouth with my alternative scarf, as if I was 'actually in the Middle East', and there was a 'massive sandstorm'/fire fight with American troops.

I walked into the portable restroom, and I saw a urinal to the left which had a pipe connecting to the large pool of waste below the toilet seat. I peered down the toilet seat and saw a mountain of feces with a blue tint, matching the royal, synthetic colour of the simulated toilet water. I attempted to hold my breath, but my body's natural desire for air caused me to take in an intense 'whiff' of the excrement of several hundred people. For a moment, I felt like I wanted to vomit, but then I realized that there was beauty in this metabolic breakdown of your body's essential needs. Found beauty in the fact that while I usually 'see people eating' and bond with humanity while sharing feasts...for once I was able to share with 'what comes out of humans.' As if I realized that eating was just a means to this end--pooping.

I looked down at the huge pile of shit stewed with urine, and admired it. For the first time in my life, I felt 'not alone.' I feel like I truly understood that maybe we're all the same. We all eat, we all feel like children, and we all have to poop. A warm smile came over me, as I decided to 'drop a few pieces of love' on top of this pile of humanity. The logs creamed out of my ass hole, as if God had opened up a trendy frozen yogurt shop--no wiping necessary--a clean breakoff executed by my contracting anus. I got up, and saw my two distinct logs piled on top of the blueish brown mound of feces. I paused for a moment, then watched the blue water creep up and tint my defecation. I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself.

I had a little bit more to urinate, so I decided to move around a used-tampon utilizing the force of my urine stream. It floated around somewhat aimlessly until it settled within the mound of feces. It was as if it found its home. It was as if I found my home. I zipped up my pants, took one last look at 'authentic beauty' and exited the portapotty, most likely never to come back again. It made me happy and sad at the same time--much like 90% of life's most meaningful experiences.

On the way home, I saw some portable toilets being transported to what I could only assume was a large music or cultural festival.

It made me feel a little bit better about life. I hoped that some1 else was able to find the beauty that I found when I shared a unique experience with hundreds of people inside of a portable restroom unit.

Sometimes, it seems like ur looking for beauty in all of the wrong places.

Was looking at pix of Glastonbury Music festival. Seems like an 'overwhelming experience.' Can't believe 'this many people' want to see 'live music.'

Photos via bigpicture

Damn. This picture 'seriously seems like a Where's Waldo' 2-page spread. Can't believe it is actually 'temporary shelter' for people attending some 'huge ass' music festival in England. Feel 'overwhelmed' to imagine a 'live music experience' with s000 many ppl. Wonder if I really want to 'rally around music' and 'bask in the human spirit' in that type of environment.

'Jesus christ'. Seems like an event that would 'raise enough money' to 'end hunger' or something/make a 'GDP comparison to a shitty country.'

Think the world will look like this 'when the world ends' and a portal to the center of the Earth opens up.

I wonder if they built an 'Outdoor World'/'Bass Pro Shop'/'Cabela's'/miscellaneous outdoor store nearby just to handle people who 'needed outdoor gear' for this sweet festival.

Can't believe Glastonbury lets you 'volunteer' to get into the music festival for free. Think that u have to sort through trash/recyclable materials. Seems 'green', possibly like a marketing campaign.

I wonder if a company could offer their workforce non-monetary 'compensation' for an entire fiscal year. Like a company that 'pays workers' with 'kewl bands performing'/meaningful experiences, instead of 'having a payroll.' Feel like there is a 'genre of people' who would do that, as long as you gave them a tent and a community shower, or something.

I feel inspired by seeing so many ppl 'uniting around music', willing to 'chill in a tent for days'/'set up some sort of monetized shanty town.' Feel like possibly building some sort of music festival that incorporates 'actual slums.'

Most festivals are held in a 'meaningful public space' where you can also see 'the city's skyline in the background.' This helps u feel 'connected to the music' while also 'being reminded of the power of man/engineering/archyteckchy.'

Sorta just want to 'feel' the city behind me.

Being in a crowd + seeing 'corporate America' makes me feel like I am a part of humanity.

This is a picture of 'slums' in Brazil. What if we had some sort of 'super authentic' music festival in 'slums', and 'rented' the homes from the people who 'actually lived there.' Feel like 'every1 would win' since rich people would get 'an organic experience' and 'the poors' would get $$$$.

Really just searching for the most authentic music experience possible, and I think that the modern music festival is 'isolating a demographic of authentic thrillseekers.' Sorta just mainstream + corporate now.

What ideas do yall have for the modern music festival?
Do u believe in the concept of the microfestival--charging 10 to 100 fans ~$10K per ticket to see their fave bands in an intimate, exclusive setting?
Should we 'buy out' a bunch of slum dwellers and turn the area into a music festival space?
Worried that I am 'losing touch with humanity' even though I am 'actively seeking' the opportunity to 'connect' with 'all humans.'

Lately I have been attending numerous live concerts after 'going on a break' from 'going to shows' since the audiences got too tweeny. I have been going through a very concertially existential crisis, and really thinking about 'why am I here?' 'Why did I make the extra effort to see this band?' 'Am I trying to connect with a group of like-minded people?' 'Do I really 'get something' out of seeing a band's music performed live?' 'Should I just listen to things on headphones while staring at a computer screen?' 'Do I not like going to concerts because of people who have a personal brand that says I<3music, but don't really 'get' what it means to be alive in the modern world?'

As I have grown older, I have started to see 'the larger picture' about 'the concertgoing experience.' The truth is that concerts are 'always the same' but the only thing changing about the concert is U. You are growing older, moving from demographic-to-demographic. The way you feel about 'life' is constantly changing, and based upon the version of 'loneliness'/'fulfillment' that you feel, you will interpret any experience differently--concerts are an essential part of the modern human experience.

These are the general age demographics who 'attend concerts' and a synopsis of 'their general conscious experience.'

Ages 12-17: The era of idealizing 'the modern indie concert experience.'

You don't really understand what 'indie rock'/etc. usually is, and experiences like Warped Tour, Coachella, and Regional music festivals are 'lumped into a category.' You see music as something that brings people with similar interests together. You are going to graduate from high school soon, and after that, who knows what might happen? Maybe u'll be able to go to famous clubs, see famous bands, meet internet-famous people, and live the idealized life that is somewhere between 'Almost Famous' and 'Gossip Girl' or some other tv show/movie.

This is just an era of 'being naive' and 'not knowing the correct websites to view' in order to stay relevant.

Photo by Cobrasnake

I remember in the book Lord of the Flies, there is a group of bros who get "LOST" on an island. They have no 'societal norms' and break down into tribes who go to war against one another. One tribe is 'violent' and the other one is 'all about peace.' I think it's supposed to be about how we handle being human after all with a 'lil bit of animal' inside of us.

Kinda feel like that's what's happening with altbros. Now that electro is 'kinda dead' and altbro fashion is no longer 'hip', altbros have broken down into tribes who are either peaceful (listen to conceptual core), or they have turned into violent bros, like the one above. They are hungry for blood, and they will use it as war paint / an interesting accessory for personal branding.

Kinda worried that we're gonna see more murders in 2k9 just for the sake of 'using the blood as face paint.' Just think that people get kinda messed up in the quest for authenticity to the point that they are 'murdering their bros' just because they are too insecure to wear their lens-less glasses without a hand print.

miss u altbros.

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The HIPSTER RUNOFF radio show airs Mondays at noon and again at midnight EST on Sirius XMU. Iff you’re an XM subscriber, you can listen to Blog Radio on channel 43, and Sirius subscribers can still find us on channel 26. If u really want 2 hear Carles Show, u can get a 3 day trial membership.

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