Yesterday, I used my Palestinian scarf for something functional. I was attending a large outdoor concert, and I had to urinate. I had to walk to the edge of the property in order to use the portable restrooms that were provided by the festival promoters. As I approached ‘the facilities,’ I could smell something ’sterile’ but also something ‘incredibly disgusting.’ As if I was standing on the sidelines of a battle between the pungent smell of poo and the cleaning agents that people poo and pee into within portapotties. I covered my nose and mouth with my alternative scarf, as if I was ‘actually in the Middle East’, and there was a ‘massive sandstorm’/fire fight with American troops.

I walked into the portable restroom, and I saw a urinal to the left which had a pipe connecting to the large pool of waste below the toilet seat. I peered down the toilet seat and saw a mountain of feces with a blue tint, matching the royal, synthetic colour of the simulated toilet water. I attempted to hold my breath, but my body’s natural desire for air caused me to take in an intense ‘whiff’ of the excrement of several hundred people. For a moment, I felt like I wanted to vomit, but then I realized that there was beauty in this metabolic breakdown of your body’s essential needs. Found beauty in the fact that while I usually ’see people eating’ and bond with humanity while sharing feasts…for once I was able to share with ‘what comes out of humans.’ As if I realized that eating was just a means to this end–pooping.

I looked down at the huge pile of shit stewed with urine, and admired it. For the first time in my life, I felt ‘not alone.’ I feel like I truly understood that maybe we’re all the same. We all eat, we all feel like children, and we all have to poop. A warm smile came over me, as I decided to ‘drop a few pieces of love’ on top of this pile of humanity. The logs creamed out of my ass hole, as if God had opened up a trendy frozen yogurt shop–no wiping necessary–a clean breakoff executed by my contracting anus. I got up, and saw my two distinct logs piled on top of the blueish brown mound of feces. I paused for a moment, then watched the blue water creep up and tint my defecation. I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself.

I had a little bit more to urinate, so I decided to move around a used-tampon utilizing the force of my urine stream. It floated around somewhat aimlessly until it settled within the mound of feces. It was as if it found its home. It was as if I found my home. I zipped up my pants, took one last look at ‘authentic beauty’ and exited the portapotty, most likely never to come back again. It made me happy and sad at the same time–much like 90% of life’s most meaningful experiences.

On the way home, I saw some portable toilets being transported to what I could only assume was a large music or cultural festival.

It made me feel a little bit better about life. I hoped that some1 else was able to find the beauty that I found when I shared a unique experience with hundreds of people inside of a portable restroom unit.

Sometimes, it seems like ur looking for beauty in all of the wrong places.

Photos via bigpicture

Damn. This picture ’seriously seems like a Where’s Waldo’ 2-page spread. Can’t believe it is actually ‘temporary shelter’ for people attending some ‘huge ass’ music festival in England. Feel ‘overwhelmed’ to imagine a ‘live music experience’ with s000 many ppl. Wonder if I really want to ‘rally around music’ and ‘bask in the human spirit’ in that type of environment.

‘Jesus christ’. Seems like an event that would ‘raise enough money’ to ‘end hunger’ or something/make a ‘GDP comparison to a shitty country.’

Think the world will look like this ‘when the world ends’ and a portal to the center of the Earth opens up.

I wonder if they built an ‘Outdoor World’/'Bass Pro Shop’/'Cabela’s’/miscellaneous outdoor store nearby just to handle people who ‘needed outdoor gear’ for this sweet festival.

Can’t believe Glastonbury lets you ‘volunteer’ to get into the music festival for free. Think that u have to sort through trash/recyclable materials. Seems ‘green’, possibly like a marketing campaign.

I wonder if a company could offer their workforce non-monetary ‘compensation’ for an entire fiscal year. Like a company that ‘pays workers’ with ‘kewl bands performing’/meaningful experiences, instead of ‘having a payroll.’ Feel like there is a ‘genre of people’ who would do that, as long as you gave them a tent and a community shower, or something.

I feel inspired by seeing so many ppl ‘uniting around music’, willing to ‘chill in a tent for days’/’set up some sort of monetized shanty town.’ Feel like possibly building some sort of music festival that incorporates ‘actual slums.’

Most festivals are held in a ‘meaningful public space’ where you can also see ‘the city’s skyline in the background.’ This helps u feel ‘connected to the music’ while also ‘being reminded of the power of man/engineering/archyteckchy.’

Sorta just want to ‘feel’ the city behind me.

Being in a crowd + seeing ‘corporate America’ makes me feel like I am a part of humanity.

This is a picture of ’slums’ in Brazil. What if we had some sort of ’super authentic’ music festival in ’slums’, and ‘rented’ the homes from the people who ‘actually lived there.’ Feel like ‘every1 would win’ since rich people would get ‘an organic experience’ and ‘the poors’ would get $$$$.

Really just searching for the most authentic music experience possible, and I think that the modern music festival is ‘isolating a demographic of authentic thrillseekers.’ Sorta just mainstream + corporate now.

What ideas do yall have for the modern music festival?
Do u believe in the concept of the microfestival–charging 10 to 100 fans ~$10K per ticket to see their fave bands in an intimate, exclusive setting?
Should we ‘buy out’ a bunch of slum dwellers and turn the area into a music festival space?
Worried that I am ‘losing touch with humanity’ even though I am ‘actively seeking’ the opportunity to ‘connect’ with ‘all humans.’

As I have grown older, I have started to see ‘the larger picture’ about ‘the concertgoing experience.’ The truth is that concerts are ‘always the same’ but the only thing changing about the concert is U. You are growing older, moving from demographic-to-demographic. The way you feel about ‘life’ is constantly changing, and based upon the version of ‘loneliness’/'fulfillment’ that you feel, you will interpret any experience differently–concerts are an essential part of the modern human experience.

These are the general age demographics who ‘attend concerts’ and a synopsis of ‘their general conscious experience.’

Ages 12-17: The era of idealizing ‘the modern indie concert experience.’

You don’t really understand what ‘indie rock’/etc. usually is, and experiences like Warped Tour, Coachella, and Regional music festivals are ‘lumped into a category.’ You see music as something that brings people with similar interests together. You are going to graduate from high school soon, and after that, who knows what might happen? Maybe u’ll be able to go to famous clubs, see famous bands, meet internet-famous people, and live the idealized life that is somewhere between ‘Almost Famous’ and ‘Gossip Girl’ or some other tv show/movie.

This is just an era of ‘being naive’ and ‘not knowing the correct websites to view’ in order to stay relevant. You have a lot of important formative experiences, but generally every1 experiences the same thing at this age. How much money your parents make ultimately decides ‘how alt’ u will be.

Notable stereotypes in this demographic:

• teen bros wearing crombie but liking indie music,
• entry level alts in Am Appy,
• tween bros who only shop at name brand places and come out with t-shirts that have designs on them that theoretically ‘look cool’ but are obviously from Old Navy/Billabong/J.C. Penny’s ‘trying to be cool’ type of clothing line,
• groups of kids who seems scared to make decisions on their own and end up making group decisions where 10 kids get the same t-shirt and wear it to high school the next day to ‘prove that they went to a show’
• tweens with older siblings who are ‘authentic and chill and let them drink beer 1 time’
• tweens who will 1 day ‘be self-aware’ and reconnect with some1 about ‘that terrible band we both used to like!’

Ages 18-20: The ‘being old enough to get in’, but ‘not old enough to drink.’

This is usually the most ‘thrilling’ era of ‘being a bro who wants to see live music.’ This is the age at which various subplots ‘beyond the music’ can evolve, such as ‘getting into a 21+ show’, ‘getting drunk before the show’, ’sneaking in a flask of ______’, ‘meeting people from ur local college who like indie music too!’, and other experiences that you have theoretically ‘been waiting for your whole life. This is sort of when ‘meaningfulcore’ music appeals to you the most, because unlike in the previous era, u have the means to ‘truly appreciate’ what ‘life is all about.’

To some extent, ‘your whole life is still ahead of you’ and you have started to enjoy your context. You feel like your ‘personal connections’ with people are the reason that you are on this Earth, and you seriously feel like you have an unmatched group of friends who really ‘get’ it more than any other group in the world. You want to have the most amount of friends possible, and just share experiences in large groups.

You do not feel alone. This crowd of people. This independent music. This is you. You have arrived.  Back when the Arcade Fire ‘first came out’ 75% of ‘alternative music lovers’ somehow had the mindset of this demographic.

Notable Stereotypes in this demographic:

• Entry level alt girl covered in am appy
• Proud Bro in first Am Appy tshirt/hoodie
• Packs of bros/broads
• Mixed groups of people who ‘get into drama’ about dating/drugs/being straight-edge
• Bros who just moved to college and are lookin 4 new friends
• People with fashion choices that mix their mainstream past with their desire 2 be more authentic/alt
• People who accidentally like ’shitty generic indie rock’ bc they just want to identify with an aesthetic

Ages 21-23: The era of ‘having legal fun’ while still ‘feeling like your life is ahead of you.

This is a pretty useless era. It is usually dominated by mindsets from the previous two eras, except you are ‘having legal fun.’ Probably ‘the most costly era’ of them all, since you are ‘buying sooo many drinks’ and usually ‘have to buy your tickets early’ [via online ticketing website]. Some people ‘are in a relationship’ that is probably ‘too serious’ during this era, and concerts are a place for both them to ‘get insecure’ about all of the other attractive ppl around.

This might be the ‘prime’ of ‘being alt’ in terms of ‘ur last days of glory.’ Soon you will graduate from college, and you will ‘become a different person’ after you ‘enter the work force.’ You just want to enjoy this time, and ‘be sillie’ or ‘absurd’ and have as much fun as possible, before your parents ‘expect u to get a real job.’   This is sort of the mindset that fueled ‘the bloghouse/electro’ era.

Notable Stereotypes in this demographic:

• Couple who ‘are looking forward to breaking up after college’
• Bro who spends 50% of his income on weed, liberal arts major bro,
• entry level alt in Am Appy/headbands,
• girl ‘dressing alt’ for the first time,
• Person who is ‘new in town’ and decided on a personal brand makeover after not fitting in their previous context/life
• Girl who still acts like she is 17
• bro ‘trying acid’ for the first time after ‘weed and booze got boring’/not ‘eye-opening enough’
• bros ‘preying’ on girls who are between 17-21, and being some sort of ‘mentor’ about ‘the scene’ in exchange for sexual favors/attention until girl ‘piggybacks’ the bro and finds a more valuable member of ‘the scene’ who wants her sweet vagina more than the previous bro
• people who ‘twitter’ the whole show
• Ppl who ‘get too drunk’ at shows
• the bro who ‘grinds on tons of bitches.’

Ages 23.75- 25.5: Feeling ‘disenchanted’ about where ur life is, and finally realizing that you’re not 19 any more/the people you are watching on stage are living the life that you thought you would be living.

This is a post-college, post-being fully supported by your parents era. ‘Concerts’ are sad reminders of where your life is, and how you have theoretically been ‘the same simple person.’ You might be in a serious relationship, and you might ‘resent this person’ since they are the first direct representation of ’settling’/'becoming complacent’ with your life. You see people who are younger than you, and feel ‘incredibly old.’

This is probably the last era where you are most likely to ‘find a good mate’ but at the same time, there are still feelings like ‘u have a lot left to do with your life’ even though you probably ‘aren’t as young as you think’, at least in terms of ‘accomplishing your goals.’ Feel hopeful, but more of a ‘false hope.’

Concerts are ‘okay’ but you should probably be ‘burnt out’ on ‘going out’/’seeing kewl bands’/'finding new music’/etc pretty soon.

Notable Stereotypes in this demographic:

• Bros who are still trying to ‘make it’ as a band and go to a show to ’study’ the band
• people who ‘twitter’ the whole show
• Couples who are in what seems to be a fight
• Bros who ‘won free tickets’ since they have no job and waste time on the internet all day.
• AngstyBros
• Bros who are ‘raging against’ society/the machine

Ages 26.7-35: Admitting that you’re ‘an old bro’ and ‘going to the concerts to see a good live show’ and as a night out with your wife.

When you are this old, you can only go out to a concert if you ‘really, really, really like the band.’ The band is most likely only 14% relevant by this time, and you might actually ‘have the best time you’ve had in a while’ listening to this band that ‘used to mean everything to you.’ You will more than likely wear a slimming plaid shirt, or some other ‘comfy apparel’ that hides some of the weight you’ve put on.

Your alternative life is basically over, particularly if you are ’successful.’ You go to the concert and walk around meaningful parts of the city–life seems to have ‘passed u by’, but you feel okay when you see a ‘guy who is 35 and works at the door’ or like ‘oldbro who has some stupid altJob.’ Most of you feels ‘relieved’ but you also sort of question ‘why u r on this Earth’ and wish you didn’t drive such an affordable, untrendy car.

You might also be bald, and have a difficult decision to make about ’shaving your head’/'wearing a cap’/etc, but you realize that ‘balding’ is a natural process. It’s okay to be bald–it is out of your control, and young people who don’t ‘get’ that scientific fact are ‘idiots.’ It’s just part of growing old. One day you will die, but tonight, you will enjoy this concert with 2.5 beers, and grab on to your significant other’s love handles–bc 2nite they are actually full of love.

These people are the probably the most valuable bros to ‘good bands’ because they are the assholes who buy albums off iTunes/buy pre-sale tickets for shows. Not sure if this will ’stay the same’ when the current younger-generations ‘grow up’ after years of knowing how to ‘find leaks.’

Notable Stereotypes in this demographic:

• general cool dads in plaid,
• somewhat insecure prematurely balding bro
• people who are ‘alt for life’
• free spirited moms
• girls with huge thighs who wear ’summer dresses’ that go down to their ankles
• Dudes who ‘limit themselves’ to two beers
• Bros with hands on the hips of their girlfriend’s expanding waistline.

Ages 35+: You ’should probably just focus on your kids’

I think that the only time you should go to a concert when you are over 35 is if it is in some sort of seated auditorium, or if you have to chaperone your kids to a music festival/concert for his/her birthday party. Sort of like the modern version of ‘taking your kid to a baseball game.’ Ultimately, you do want your child to be cultured, but at this point, it seems like a circus/spectacle. You look back to when ‘things meant something’ and you wouldn’t look at things like ‘fuck–i paid $50 x 3 for my son, his friend, and me to get in here. Could have paid my utilities bill.’ You used to have a dream of learning the guitar/synth and starting a meaningful band that got tons of ‘press’/'internet buzz’, but now you are older, and the majority of your life is behind you. You are happy with the concerts you attended, the moments you shared with your friends, and don’t feel as resentful of the person who used to ‘have a meaningful experience’ at concerts.

Notable stereotypes in this demographic:

• Out of place mom rubbing sun screen on her embarrassed son’s face
• Dad who ’secretly drinks 10 beers’ while his son moves to the front of the show
• Dad cheating on wife, using blackberry to text mistress the entire time
• Dad with kids who have ‘a spunky personality’/'long hair’
• Mom with daughter who will ‘grow up 2 be the indie slut she never was’

WHICH DEMOGRAPHIC R U IN?

WHICH DEMOGRAPHIC R U IN?

WHICH DEMOGRAPHIC R U IN?

WHICH DEMOGRAPHIC R U IN?

DO U ‘DIE’ AFTER U TURN AGE __?

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Every time you go to a concert, you are surrounded by a group of people who have something in common with you–they paid $10-100 to see the same artist as you. They most likely made the same consumer decision to purchase the same album that you did. They had the same convos about ‘what their fave song was’ and even had ‘the same moment alone in the car where you felt happy while listening to this band’s album.’

Life is a battle against your insecurities. There are things you want to do with your life, and an image of yourself that you think you will eventually ‘be.’ Some days, you feel closer/further away from accomplishing this

Life is a choice–do you want to be an individual, or do you want to find a group of people who ‘understand u.’ Concerts are theoretically one of the best places to find people who ‘are living a similar life to you. Either you can be threatened by the 10-15% of people who look like you, or you can ‘find solace’ in knowing that there are people out there who are just like u.  

Which will u choose?

Activity Questions for this post:

• What do concerts mean 2 u?
• Why do u go to concerts?
• Do u feel like u are ‘just a stereotype’ when you go to concerts/shows and see people ‘dressed like u’?
• Is it more authentic to call a live musical experience a ‘concert’ or a ’show’?
• Should I commit suicide at a ’show’ as a ‘thinkpiece’?
• Is this post ‘fucking bullshit’ because it never mentioned ‘actual music/musicians’?
• Do u just ‘enjoy the music’ and ‘avoid all thoughts’ about ‘the people who surround u’?

I remember in the book Lord of the Flies, there is a group of bros who get “LOST” on an island. They have no ’societal norms’ and break down into tribes who go to war against one another. One tribe is ‘violent’ and the other one is ‘all about peace.’ I think it’s supposed to be about how we handle being human after all with a ‘lil bit of animal’ inside of us.

Kinda feel like that’s what’s happening with altbros. Now that electro is ‘kinda dead’ and altbro fashion is no longer ‘hip’, altbros have broken down into tribes who are either peaceful (listen to conceptual core), or they have turned into violent bros, like the one above. They are hungry for blood, and they will use it as war paint / an interesting accessory for personal branding.

Kinda worried that we’re gonna see more murders in 2k9 just for the sake of ‘using the blood as face paint.’ Just think that people get kinda messed up in the quest for authenticity to the point that they are ‘murdering their bros’ just because they are too insecure to wear their lens-less glasses without a hand print.

miss u altbros.

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U can always listen 2 my podcasts if ur poor.

Playlist after the jump.
Phoenix – 1901 [MP3]
VEGA – Well Known Pleasures [MP3]
Kleerup – Until We Bleed (ft Lykke Li)
Grizzly Bear – He Hit Me
St. Vincent – The Strangers
Sigur Ros – song i don’t feel like typing out
Curses! – The Deep End (Holy Ghost Remix!)
YACHT – the Summer Song
Klaxons – As Above , So Below (Justice Remix)
Here We Go Magic – I Just Want to See You Underwater
Animal Collective – Daily Routine
Air France – Collapsing At Your Doorstep
Gil Mantera’s Party Dream – Tigers [MP3]
Annie – Heartbeat
MGMT – Electric Feel
Adrian Orange – While You Live
Bat for Lashes – What’s A girl To Do?
We HAve Band – West End Girls (Pet Shop Boys Cover)
Bullion – Time For Us All to Love [MP3]
Chairlift – Bruises
Chromatics – Hands in the Dark
Ladyhawke – Back of the Van
PNAU – Embrace
Empire of the Sun – Half Mast