HIPSTER RUNOFF

I'm just a polar bear
the distant cousin of the Panda Bear
Living in the Arctic/Antarctic
Every day big pieces of ice that I live on
begin 2 melt away

kinda sad
so many humans
ruining my vibes
by driving 'gas guzzlers'

but recently, humans started driving Hybrid Cars
which use a lil bit of gas
and a lil bit of electricity
has really helped out
shits not melting as much any more
it's rlly sweet

I decided to go on a lil 'road trip' to visit a human
who recently bought a NISSAN LEAF HYBRID AUTOMOBILE
just to say 'thnx'
Even though he didn't realize it
he really helped me
and I just want him 2 know that he is a chill bro
for riding the electric car wave

Swam in the ocean
crawled thru the forest
walked thru relevant major metropolitan areas
Walked down highways
Visited a few chill places, bought some souvenirs
Even lived in a sweet loft in Brooklyn
but ultimately felt more alone than evr

Anyways, eventually got to that bro's house
and hugged him
Dude thought I was gonna kill him
but I was like 'no bro--thnx 4 buying a hybrid. U saved my life.'

Then he was all like "Dont know who the eff u r.
I wanted to buy a Hummer
but ended up in this lil piece of shit car
Know the gas is cheap
but still
feel like a pussie when I drive it around."

Then I was like "I live on an ice cap
thanx for not melting it."

Then he said "Global Warming is Bull shit.
Go back 2 ur g-d hippie college
and leave me alone with ur liberal propaganda
[via the Daily Colbert Show]"

I went ahead and caught a JetBlue flight home
so I could watch TV during my flight.
Feeling kinda dumb
Like a long distance love affair that didn't work out.

I feel like a huge piece of shit
I wish my ice cap igloo house had just melted away
and a huge piece of ice cut me in half
killing me, taking me out of my misery

Humans are kinda lame
Not sure if they 'get' the environment
or if they really care abt animals like me/relevant ecosystems
Seems like they only care abt hybrid cars
for the sake of 'status'

Just kinda sux that everything
is abt branding + consumerism
instead of 'doing it 4 the right reasons'
2 save the polar bears

I'm still alone
No1 understands me
I'm completely fucked

Nothing can save our Earth/world/environment/society
It doesn't matter what I do with my life
who I am nice 2
what I believe in

We're fucked.
Goodnite world
Sad/Dead on the inside

//////////

Can we save the environment [via carbon emissions] or is it already effed?
If I buy a hybrid, will some sort of animal come 2 thank me?
Do hybrid cars even make a difference?
If a panda bear/ polar bear hugged u in ur driveway would u try to kill it?
Is global warming = bullshit?
Should I buy a Nissan Leaf or does it look like a clown car?
Are the ice caps rlly melting, or is that an old wives' tale?
Should all animals be preserved 4evr in man-made environments at regional zoos?
Should ppl 'walk' instead of buying hybrids?
Will polar bears come 2 kill us if we keep melting their igloos?
Do u h8 environmentalism?

Hey yall. In an effort to become more of a 'music blog' again, I will attempt to do more album reviews. I will find relevant albums, and review them using creative words, images, and metaphors. I will tell you how the album makes me feel. Sometimes when there is not an album to review, I will review a different product, but still call it an 'album review.'


**************************
Artist: Nissan
Album: The Cube
Rating: 3.5 out of 10 runoffs

Recently, I was involved in an auto accident when a minority 'slammed' into my car. Fortunately, I was safe, and I have a solid insurance plan with a $100 deductible. While my car was being repaired, I was able to obtain a rental from Enterprise Rent-A-Car (paid for by my insurance company).

The people at the rentacar were very nice. Seemed like bros who were 'under a lot of stress' [via multitasking], but ultimately trying to build a better career for themselves by being excellent human representations of the overall corporate vision.

They put me into a new car called 'The Nissan Cube.' I had seen several cars that seemed like cubes driving around the high way, and always thought to myself 'what kind of ass hole would buy a lil box car?' Then I realized that I should not 'diss' Scion cars because Scion is usually a sponsor of alternative websites, parties, and events.

Walked out to the parking lot, got into 'the Cube.' Thought to myself 'Jesus Christ.'

Seemed 'more spacious than I thought.' Sound system 'blew balls'--couldn't jam rap/music made by bros from California.

Couldn't believe I was in a box car. Jesus Christ.

Can't believe I'm in a box car. Felt like I was in the demographic of 'people who bought cars that were lil box cars.' People who 'drove to the coast' with friends with surfboards on top of the car, or something. Seems like I wanted people to think that I was 'kewl' sort of like when an entry level person takes out a white macbook in a coffee shop.

Driving the cube around, people looking at me as I drive by, possibly thinking 'what an ugly car.' Felt self-conscious.

Not sure who designed the Cube. Seems like a radically innovative design, targeted at a specific demographic. Not sure if the design was 'functional' or 'stupid.' I was driving in a Cube. Pre-programmed radio stations, listening to rap, soft rock, Top 40 radio stations. Considered burning a bloghouse CD to put in the CD player.

I felt 'different' in the Cube, but maybe not in a good way. Felt like a Hot Topic California teenAlt who got her first car which was 'more affordable' than most of her dream cars.

Wonder if a Cube driver would feel better if the car was a 'hybrid.' It is possibly a gas guzzler, or more inefficient than u realize.

Cube.
Feeling like a fggt
in a lil cube car.
Jesus Christ.
Is this really me?
Is this really me?
Am I in a cube?
Do I like this car?
Is this car 'trying too hard' 2 be 'me'?
Do people 'actually buy' this car bc it is their dream car?
Should a car represent 'me'?
Should I buy a Scion?
Or a Honda element?
Or some other lil box car?
Not sure who box cars are for.
Not sure if I would 'pan' this car in an album review
or if I would 'hype it up.'
Just want to explain how the world works
in album review formats.
Wonder what a perfectly designed automobile would look like.

This was an album review by Carles.

I saw the cover of Metronomy's new album NIGHTS OUT 2day, and I couldn't help but wonder if Metronomy was aligning their personal brand with Honda/hybrid cars.

I wonder what it's like to feel alone in the world and only have my Honda Insight.

How do u feel about people who drive Hybrids? Are they authentic, or are they trying2hard-core?

Should I take this Prius limo to prom?

Maybe the album cover is just a statement about how bros have so much on their mind these days since gas prices are so high + it's hard 2 be in a healthy, drama-free relaish these days.

AltBros: Were they put on Earth to die alone?