HIPSTER RUNOFF » I Can Teach You How To Do It

The Future of the Party Pic N00d

Carles — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 23:51:47 +0000

[Photo by Lastnitesparty]
Transitioning into a new year is all about [UNCERTAINTY]. Will gimmicks from previous years work in 2k9? For example, will alternative men still be [HIGHLY INTERESTED] in searching for the perfect pair of alternative breasts? I don’t think they will. I think most men might become ‘a lil bit bi’ in 2k9, and start looking for a few more nut/shaft slips.

[Photo by icanteachyouhow2doit]
In 2k8, most of my male readership pretended to be ‘grossed out’ by the sight of __% of a peen. However, in 2k9, they will utilize the ZOOM feature of their Macbooks [CTRL+SCROLL] in order to ‘get a better peep’ at alternative junks.

2k9 will be all about experimentation and testing new sexual boundaries. Kinda like a softcore porno television series on cable television. It’ll be ‘about sex’ but it won’t be raunchy. It will be sensual, and the former ‘tug’ experience will be about connecting with some1 on a spiritual+emotional+meaningful level.

2k9 will be all about serious relationships.
(I might be wrong. I’m just scared and looking 4 stability. What is 2k9 gonna b all abt?)

Previous Mummified Alt
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/11/modern-mummification-processes.html

Previous peen coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/last-nights-lil-tug.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/nut-slips-are-the-new-nip-slips.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/who-has-the-most-authentic-altpenis-some-fggt.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/08/4-the-ladies-who-like-red-heads.html [GINGER PEEN]

P0st m0re Child Predators

Carles — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 01:32:27 +0000

[Photo by icanteachuhow2doit]
Child Predator glasses will never die.
Child Predator glasses have been around forever.
Child Predator glasses can make u look like an authentic kreep, no matter how upper-middle class your family is.
Child Predator glasses help u distance ur personal brand from society’s norms.
Child Predator glasses make u look ‘a lil smart’ and ‘a lil crayzee.’
Child Predator glasses may or may not be the new shutter shades.
Child Predator glasses help u see in the dark when ur trying 2 murder some1.
Child Predator glasses turn u into some1 that u nvr thought u could be.
Child Predator glasses are the lenses through which most of America’s biggest tragedies were masterminded & executed.

///// Will Barry Obama ban child predator glasses? ///

Previous ChildPred coverage
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/11/child-predatoring-is-a-serious-business.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/10/part-of-the-child-predator-never-dies.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/08/just-bc-i-dont-blog-about-child-predators-n-e-more-doesnt-mean-u-should-let-ur-guard-down-2.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/07/what-is-the-name-of-this-style-of-glasses.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/06/girl-talk-i-created-child-predator.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/we-dont-care-abt-the-child-predator-glasses-folks-pbj.html
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2008/05/the-lead-singer-of-hot-chip-his-child-predator-glasses.html

XX BONUS ALTBRO who is waaay 2 into blogs XX

{photo by lastnightsparty}
“I am an authentic altbro. I read mp3 blogs. I own a tshirt of my favourite MP3 blog instead of tshirt of my favourite band. I support RCRD LBL bc they allegedly pay artists when they post their music. Most music blogs are just predators and don’t care about artists. Most mp3 blogs just want to get paid, and don’t care about what they are contributing to making the music industry a level playing field where we can appreciate what is truly worth appreciating. One day, I will start a music blog. One day, my blog will change the way that people see the music industry. I have a Macbook and a couple of digital cameras. I have big dreams. But I would settle for a tug.”
-some altBro

When the electro war starts, can u rip ur weapon tattoos off ur body?

Carles — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 22:24:00 +0000

[Photo by ICnTchUHw2Dit]
Yall,
I remember in an old post, we talked 2gether abt how we would get certain weapon tattoos in order to prepare for the electro war. Some people said they would get bazookas, mustard gas, ninja stars and even some ElectroWarRadicals wanted to tattoo suicide bomb vests on to their chests.

It just makes me wonder how dedicated I am to winning the electro war. Is electro something worth dying for?

What is worth dying 4?
a) ur freespirited mom
b) ur cool dad
c) ur lil alt
d) a ’cause’
e) Hillary Clinton/Barry Obama: who will win the president war thingy?
f) JFK
g) Kanye West & the Daft Jousteece Punks
h) miscellaneous minorities/people in 3rd World countries
i) ur #1 alt bro
j) an entry level alt broad who will tug u if u chat with her until next weekend
k) Choose.Your.Own.Cause

Monitoring Audio Equipment Tattoos

Carles — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 06:33:00 +0000

U might remember the DJ with the headphone tatty or the broad with the turn tables tatty OR EVEN the bro with the boombox tat… however, I think this bro’s soundsystem is probably able to have the awesome-est partie. I know a lot of party promotes require soundsystems with deep bass in order to throw a successful dance party.

I think this bro’s personal b00mb0x probably has just enough ‘OOMPH’ to make sure you can hear every decibel of a banger. Hopefully that stereo system can handle [HIGH QUALITY] mp3s, and not just ‘krappy mp3s that krappie mp3 blogs post.’

Speaking of tatties….
Should I get a swarm of butterflies flying up my hip? Would it make me overtly ghey or just ‘kinda bi’?
[NOT SAFE FOR WORK IF THEY DON'T ALLOW U TO WEAR AA UNDIES]

XX BONUS QT WITH A DOUBLEHEADBAND XX
Double headbands: the new way to separate yourself from female entry level alts wearing AA headbands for the first time?

HEADBANDX2:Big in 2k9?

[Photos via ICanTeachUHowToDoIT]

Monitoring Emerging Hip Tattoos

Carles — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 20:30:00 +0000

A while ago, I blogged about some broad with symmetrical hip tattoos of birds. It is important to note that birds aren’t the only hip tattoo options. Usually, people tattoo little guns on they selves’s.
This bro opted for huge pistols on his hips.

This is probz my fave gun, but I don’t know where to get it tatted on 2 me.

What weapon tat r u thinking of getting?

[via I Can Teach U How To Do it]

Disco Ball Hat: a threat to Record Hats?

Carles — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 03:21:00 +0000

I remember back in 2k8.5, the record hat was a big deal. It was innovative, and truly pushed the limits of design, engineering, and alternative fashion. However, I am extremely intrigued by the multiple disco ball hat. A record hat is way more dangerous because you have to drill a hole into your skull to attach the record. I think this disco ball alternative is more demonstrative of your desire to party, and your dedication to being an individual.

[Photo by I Can Teach U How To Do it]

XX BONUS HIGHLIGHTER MAKEUP XX

But srsly…what kind of people study with a highlighter? I h8 people who highlight their entire textbooks/faces.

2 Alts, 1 Shirt

Carles — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 03:43:00 +0000

Just a lil post abt when two alties decide that they want to cross-brand with one another for a night. If your personal brand isn’t respected, you could always buddie up with some1 who is more respected than you.

If you are a guy who is merging with a girl, it’s a good opportunity to rub up on her petite alt body without kreeping her out.

[Photo by I Can Teach U How 2 Do it ]

I wonder when being a 2-Headed Alt will be mainstream? Probably after the Good Charlotte brothers do it.

"We Don’t Care Abt the Child Predator Glasses Folks" -PB&J

Carles — Fri, 30 May 2008 05:52:00 +0000

An HRO intern contacted me with an urgent email about this party pic.
Child Molester glasses + silky scarf made into a decorative bow + kute expression = [HIGHLY BLOGGABLE 1 OF A KIND WEB-CONTENT]

The gaze in his eyes sayz:
a) ‘n e thing U can tug, I can tug better’
b) ‘I’m the kind of child predator who actually loves the kids’
c) ‘I listen to Justice’
d) ‘I’m kute. hehe. talk to u later. love yall.’
e) Choose.Your.Own.Response

[I Can Teach U How 2 Blog It ]

"We Don’t Care Abt the Child Predator Glasses Folks" -PB&J

Carles — Fri, 30 May 2008 05:52:00 +0000

An HRO intern contacted me with an urgent email about this party pic.
Child Molester glasses + silky scarf made into a decorative bow + kute expression = [HIGHLY BLOGGABLE 1 OF A KIND WEB-CONTENT]

[I Can Teach U How 2 Blog It ]