I always feel sad when a shitty band from my local scene goes on tour. They are ‘pumped’ about their future, expanding their fan base, and get to remind ppl how awesome ‘bein on the road’ is [via facebook status/twitter/etc]. Before going on tour, a band must come up with merch, burn a bunch of CDs for resale, and possibly make a massive stickers+buttons order. Thinking about buying more than just t-shirts this year. Might actually ‘buy a human’ that is branded with our band, and sell him/her as a sex slave. Apparently females buy more t-shirts, so we might sell a male instead of a woman. Might take a good bro on tour to work the merch table.

Feel excited about human trade, and branding humans for profit. Reminds me of when America was ‘actually pretty awesome’ [via slavery]. Kinda weird how different things are now.

My band is taking our bassist’s mom’s van on the road. Gonna try hard not to hotbox it.

It’s gonna be sick. It’ll be a tight squeeze, but I think we’ll remember these hard times when we are touring across the country in a sweet tour bus, playing PlayStation4 and getting our dicks sucked by groupies. We just gotta pay our dues. I know our music is good, and we have a cool layout and a devoted fan of followers on twitter/myspace. We just gotta grow with our local scene, and prove to the bigger cities that we have a really good product. I think if we just keep playing, raise some money for studio time, then put in a lot of hard work to market it and get it into the hands of the right people, then we can do it. Might film meaningful parts of our road trip, then make a ‘tour video’ with our most meaningful song in the background.

This tour is going to be the start of something beautiful.
Going to start working on t-shirt designs. Will probably have a bird, some sort of guitar, and something ‘natural’ with our band name written in a kewl font. Printed on American Appy shirts.

Do yall know any annoying bands in ur local scene who think they are going to make it?
Feel free to post their myspace/twitter URL in the comments, and tell people ‘why’ they are funnie. Like ‘______ is a shitty indie band from _____ trying to make it. They are funnie because the lead singer works at Starbucks and dates the local altWhore.’

Here is the list. Feel like I don’t know who most of these bands are. Maybe I’m not ‘as indie’ as I thought I was.

100 Dangerous Magical Noise – The Dirtbombs /// Never heard of them. might be a 90s band.
99 Passover – The Black Angels /// Think they must be ‘jews’ or something
98 To Survive – Joan As Police Woman /// Not sure who this is. Feel uninformed
97 Ultimate Alternative Wavers – Built To Spill /// Think that this band was big in the early 00s, but sound like they are from the ass crack of the 90s [via Modest Mouse aesthetic]
96 Trans Am – Trans Am /// Think that this band is about a car.
95 The Discovery Of A World Inside… – The Apples In Stereo /// Name sounds familiar. Will probs never listen 2 them.
94 Waiter: ‘You Vultures!’ – Portugal The Man /// Starting 2 feel ‘less indie’ than ever. Not recognizing any of these.
93 Alligator – The National /// Think this is a recent ‘good band.’ Never heard them, though. Will probably release another album that goes even mainstreamer.
92 Horses In The Sky – Silver Mt. Zion /// Sounds like they have beards and sing songs about what it would be like to live in the wilderness and have ‘faith in God’.
91 Gallowsbird’s Bark – The Fiery Furnaces /// Sounds familiar. Have probably heard 1 song by them in a commercial.
90 Louden Up Now – (!!! Chk Chik Chick) /// Think they were only selected because of their interesting name.
89 The Milk-Eyed Mender – Joanna Newsom /// She is pretty ‘popular’ but not sure if she was ever really ‘that good.’ Just had an interesting voice.
88 The Power Out – Electrelane /// Probably only picked this to get ‘more women’ on this list. Don’t want 2 isolate female shoppers.
87 Cure For Pain – Morphine /// Sounds like an ‘emo’ album.
86 Worn Copy – Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti /// Pretty authentic decision not 2 pick his ‘mainstream album.’
85 Vivian Girls – Vivian Girls /// Haven’t they only been around for like 2 weeks. Think amazon.com just has too many copies of this in their warehouse and are looking 2 sell.
84 Hearts Of Oak – Ted Leo/Pharmacists /// Think that this bro will probably ‘be around forever’. Probably has a group of fans who will ‘always love him.’
83 Save Yourself – Make Up /// Never heard of them. Think this was a song by Stabbing Westward [via mainstream rock]
82 The Last Match – The Aislers Set /// Damn. Wish I knew this band. Sound like they really thought about their name.
81 The Sea and the Bells – Rachel’s /// Damn. Sounds like a cafe/diner or something.
80 The Ugly Organ – Cursive /// Isn’t this a ‘hardcore’ band? Confused about this list. What is ‘indie’?
79 De Stijl – The White Stripes /// Not sure if they are ‘indie.’ Feel weird when bands ‘used to be authentic indie’ from the early indie era, but were actually just ‘plugged into the marketing machine.’
78 Nothing Feels Good – The Promise Ring /// Is this an emo band?
77 The Smell Of Our Own – The Hidden Cameras /// Don’t know this band
76 Jane From Occupied Europe – Swell Maps /// Don’t know this band either. Sad.
75 Furnace Room Lullaby – Neko Case /// Think she is ’still around.’ Wonder if she sounds like Feist (the only female solo artist I ever listened to besides Alanis Morisette [via Canada]).
74 The Curtain Hits The Cast – Low /// Feel like bands with 1 name should be ‘hardcore.’
73 The R&B Of Membership – The Delta 72 /// Not sure who this is.
72 II & III – Camper Van Beethoven /// Think this band is like ‘authentic 90s rock’ or something. Not sure. Too young to ‘get’ it.
71 Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating… – Spiritualized /// Sounds like a southern rock indie tribute band that didn’t make the KingsOfLeon decision to ’sell out’ and ‘write arena rock songs’.
70 The Fawn – The Sea And Cake /// Remember life before the Postal Service? Me neither, yall.
69 Feast of Wire – Calexico /// Sounds familiar but haven’t listened.
68 Oh, Inverted World – The Shins /// Glad that Garden State made sure that I know about this band.
67 Will You Find Me – Ida /// Sounds like something that some1 would recommend.
66 Milk Man – Deerhoof /// Just some band about deers.
65 Coquelicot Asleep In The Poppies… – Of Montreal /// I wonder if this is one of their early albums where they ‘weren’t so zany’
64 Rejoicing in The Hands – Devendra Banhart /// Heard that this bro dated Natalie Portman. Wonder if he is more famous 4 that than this album.
63 Destroyer’s Rubies – Destroyer /// Think that this band is ‘authentic’ and saw them on blogs and sites.
62 TNT – Tortoise /// Need 2 listen 2 more music.
61 Neon Golden – The Notwist /// Reminds me of looking for something that ‘kinda sounds like the postal service’
60 Daddy’s Highway – The Bats /// Sounds like they are probably some ‘bad sounding, overrated’ band.
59 Set Yourself On Fire – Stars /// Glad Broken Social Scene replaced Stars. Back then any 1 would automatically ‘like’ cutesy music
58 Fabulous Muscles – Xiu Xiu /// Think they were the first band to have a name with the ____(x2) structure.
57 Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes – TV On The Radio /// Not even sure what the difference between their albums is.
56 The Decline And Fall Of Heavenly – Heavenly /// Sound like they are not very good based on their name.
55 The Mysterious Production of Eggs – Andrew Bird /// I heard he sold more albums than Animal Collective, and he was in the band ‘Cherry Poppin Daddies’
54 Pussy-Whipped – Bikini Kill /// Think people have tried to get me to listen to them.
53 Sing No Evil – Half Japanese /// Would listen if their name was ‘Half AZN.’
52 Liberty Belle And The Black Diamond Express – The Go Betweens /// Never heard of them.
51 Emperor Tomato Ketchup – Stereolab /// Think they were a progressive electronic band a while ago, but now probably a lot of stuff sounds like them.
50 And Don’t The Kids Just Love It – Television Personalities /// srsly need 2 listen 2 more music. feel ‘dumb and stupid.’
49 Wild Love – Smog /// Think some weird girl sent me this album a while ago, and it was ‘okay.’
48 Agaetis Byrjun – Sigur Ros /// Hard 2 tell the difference between some of their albums.
47 Red House Painters I – Red House Painters /// Sounds like they live on a farm or something.
46 Advisory Committee – Mirah /// Think I listened 2 her. probably has ‘a unique voice’ or something.
45 How Memory Works – Joan Of Arc /// Vaguely remembers when music sounded like this.
44 On Fire – Galaxie 500 /// Sound like a ’sillie’ band. Not even sure. Feel like this post is boring, and proving that I don’t know anything about music. Worried about my future as ‘a music blog.’
43 On – Imperial Teen /// Wish it was ‘imperial tweens’ then I would listen.
42 Mass Romantic [Remastered] – The New Pornographers /// I think people ‘like them’ or something. srsly haven’t listened 2 them.
41 Gulag Orkestar – Beirut /// Think they are recent, and write ‘grandiose’ songs. Probs never gonna listen 2 them.
40 This Nation’s Saving Grace – The Fall /// Sounds like ‘fall out boys’.
39 You Forgot It In People – Broken Social Scene /// This albums was pretty ‘meaningful’, but more importantly ‘approachable.’
38 I Am A Bird Now – Antony & The Johnsons /// Isn’t that the Hercules and Bro Affair bro?
37 When Your Heartstrings Break – Beulah /// This was a band for free-spirited post-teen girls.
36 Our Endless Numbered Days – Iron & Wine /// Heard he covered the Postal Services.
35 Person Pitch – Panda Bear /// Damn. Feel sad that this isn’t higher.  Feel like I am supposed 2 think it is the greatest album ever.
34 Let’s Get Out of This Country – Camera Obscura /// I think I read that they are a ‘poor man’s version’ of Belle and Sebby.
33 Merriweather Post Pavilion – Animal Collective /// Not their best album. Shoulda picked a more authentic ‘early’ album. Maybe Sung Tongs or ‘Here Comes the Indian.’
32 Let It Be [Expanded Edition] – The Replacements /// Think that this band was like ‘alternative country’ or some genre like that.
31 Repeater + 3 Songs – Fugazi /// Reminds me of people who wear t-shirts of bands, but I don’t really know what they sound like.
30 Zen Arcade – Hüsker Dü /// I think the Bob Mould guy in this band was authentic, or something. Still haven’t heard them. Heard Ryan Adams talk about how they invented the D-chord or something like that.
29 24 Hour Revenge Therapy – Jawbreaker /// Think there was a movie called ‘Jawbreaker’ once. Also a popular candy in the pre-JollyRancher era.
28 Lift Your Skinny Fists… – godspeed you black emperor! /// I think they were the first band with a “!” in it. Think they are conceptual.
27 Yellow House – Grizzly Bear /// Haven’t heard it. Kinda weird how bands theoretically ‘get better’ but we will hold on to a lasting snapshot of ’simpler times’ when it comes to bands. So while a newer album might be ‘the best thing they have ever written’, we will choose to hold on to something that reminds us of the world/scene we used 2 live in, and how we used 2 perceive the world.
26 The Glow Pt. 2 – The Microphones /// Think that this album is lofi authentic. Kinda deep. Listened 2 it at night once. Thought about life.
25 Black Candy – Beat Happening /// Kinda wish it was Glass Candy
24 Funeral – Arcade Fire /// Should probably be ‘#1′ if they are trying 2 sell some albums.
23 Moon Pix – Cat Power /// Not even sure what to think of her. Wish she was still ‘crazy’ and had meltdowns instead of playing boring-ish, overrated ‘well-written’ songs. Maybe it’s ‘a girl thing.’
22 Diary – Sunny Day Real Estate /// Think that people ‘used to love them’ or something.
21 Lifted Or The Story Is In The Soil… – Bright Eyes /// Feel weird when people tell me that they ‘were really into Bright Eyes.’ Feel like it exploited emotional uncertainty for a certain demographic of alts, but completely missed a lot of other demographics.
20 I Can Hear The Heart Beating As One – Yo La Tengo /// Think that they are probably ‘good’ but seem ‘old.’ Was probably ‘cooler’ to like them 8 years ago.
19 Kill the Moonlight – Spoon /// Pretty memorable album. Reminds me of idealizing the concept of growing up into an adult who listens 2 indie music.
18 Give Up – The Postal Service /// Probs needs 2 be top 10. S000 important 2 who I am. This is what <3 sounds like.
17 Dig Me Out – Sleater-Kinney /// Have heard of them, but not sure what they sound like exactly.
16 No Pocky for Kitty – Superchunk /// Probably not good. 
15 I See A Darkness – Bonnie “Prince” Billy /// Feel like bros like this bro are pretty replaceable/imitable. Not too special.
14 We Have The Facts and We’re Voting Yes – Death Cab For Cutie /// Couldn’t name more than 2.5 songs off each Deathcab album.  Think it is easier to say u ‘like their early albums’ because back then people only owned a few of their best mp3s without listening to the aimless, boring-er tracks.
13 Michigan – Sufjan Stevens /// <3 u Sufjy. All things go, all things go [via Little Miss Sunshine]
12 Daydream Nation – Sonic Youth /// Feel like this is the album that every1 says that they like just to sound authentic. It is ‘good’ but feel questionable about people who ‘talk about it too much.’
11 69 Love Songs Volume 1 – The Magnetic Fields /// Think that this was a ‘gimmick’ that ‘got popular’ since there were so many songs.
10 Bakesale – Sebadoh /// Sounds like it might be a singerbro like IronAndWine
09 Either/Or – Elliott Smith /// Wonder if this would still be #9 if he was still alive, or if he would have written a ‘bad ass-er’ album.
08 Surfer Rosa – Pixies /// Does this have the FIGHT CLUB song on it?
07 If You’re Feeling Sinister – Belle & Sebastian /// Miss the days when simple pop was ‘in.’
06 Slanted & Enchanted – Pavement /// Heard that they are good from some douchebag.
05 Imperial f.f.r.r. (Deluxe Edition) – Unrest /// Sad that I don’t know this.
04 Exile In Guyville – Liz Phair /// Thought she was a mainstream broad.
03 Spiderland – Slint /// sounds like it probably sucks and has ugly cover art.
02 In the Aeroplane Over the Sea – Neutral Milk Hotel /// Pretty sure I tried 2 listen 2 this once but it sucked.
01 Bee Thousand – Guided by Voices /// Haven’t heard them but they sound like they are harmonic.
 

Yall.  I don’t know why, but I just always feel like the best music is the most recent music I listened to.  Everything just seems ’so hyped.’  I feel as boring as people who say that their favourite book is ‘the last 1 I read.’ 

Not sure if I need to explore all of these ‘old-sounding’ albums that I don’t know, or move forward in search of music that is more progressive and conceptual than everything on this list.  What do yall think I should do?   Feels weird to think about ‘what I wanted out of music’ in the past, and ‘what I want from it now.’   Think I just want good mp3s for free, and don’t really demand an entire album that is asking me to consider it ‘the greatest of all time.’

WHAT IS THE BEST INDIE ALBUM OF ALL TIME?

WTF is ‘indie’?

What album do u feel like u r ’supposed 2 think’ is the best album of All Time?

King Khan & BBQ Show - heard it is some fat bro with his shirt off. Don't know what they/he sounds like.
Bruce Springsteen - doesn't he come out with an album 4 old people every year. Read he piggy backed off Obama to 'sell more records.'
Guns N Roses - Gave away album with Dr. Pepper. 'waited s00 long 4 it.' -no1 I know. Do yall drink Diet Dr. Pepper or Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb?
Late of the Pier - don't know what they sound like. Acoustic or electro?
TV on the Radio - wrote a post about these bros. nvr listened to them. 'Am I a racist?'
Hercules and Love Affair - sometimes when a band is 'too highly regarded', I just kinda wait for 5 years to listen to the when no1 else does.
Bon Iver - is this a city/person/band? h8 band names like that.
Matt and Kim - Kinda weird when bands have 'a big year' but u don't know n e 1 who listens to them.
Radiohead - Did "In Rainbows" come out this year or in 2k4/2k14?
Bloc Party - They advertised on HIPSTER RUNOFF. Thanks, yall. My readers bought a lot of yalls albums
Hot Chip - they had an album, but they had a video where the guy was the Joker, and then Heath died and they got cursed
M.I.A. -didn't her hit song "I'm flying on Paper Planes, yall" come out in 2k6?
that new Deathcab album - do u surround urself with people who want 2 empathize with Deathcab? Do u feel like it's because u don't offer them enough emotionally?
Kate Bush - still trying 2 figure out difference between her and Kate Nash. I know 1 is electro and 1 is a piano cunt, I think.
Abe Vigoda - with a name that gimmicky, not gonna get my attention/time
Beirut - are they still 'popular'/'authentic'?
Crystal Stilts - only have enough room for 1 Crystal in my life [via castles]
Beach House - only really heard 1 song, but I think I will always like their first album the most and never think about how ‘all of their songs kinda sound the same.’
David Byrne and Brian Eno - sound like old dudes
Esau Mwamwaya - sounds a lil bit too tribal/Afrikaan
Times New Viking - h8 the font TIMES NEW ROMAN so probs won’t like this band
Wale - I don’t take music seriously when they gimmick the music memesphere so well. (h8 this seinfeld meme s00 much. not fair 2 Jerry.)

Girl Talk - didn’t ever listen 2 more than 5 minutes of FEED THE ANIMALS (miss u 2k7)
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - If some1 recommended this album 2 me, I would probably think it was from the 1960s because the name of the band sounds old.
The Hold Steady - sounds like an emo-ish band from the early 00s with a crappie yelling singer.
Los Campesinos! - h8 bands with punctuation + mexi names
Flying Lotus - didn’t they have a raunchy viral vid?
Atlas Sound - the name is too metaphorical to approach
Gang Gang Dance - I think I listened to their early stuff, but just have trouble listening to stuff that’s ‘too post-AnCo’
Santogold - only watched that 1 zany video of hers, but h8 albums that were created to be a mix of ‘cool’/'authentic’/crafted to be written about in laggard alt magazines
Kanye West - I listened to his first album but wish he’d realize that he is ‘just a meme’ and not an artist
Fuck Buttons – buy or sell: bands with curse words in their name
The Walkmen – I think their new stuff is probably ‘better’ and ‘well-written’, but I am not complex enough to appreciate it more than their old albums about ‘being an outsider’
Vivian Girls - Saw 1 of their vids. Think they are meme-able bc of the way they look + you get to write about a revivalist sound
Air France - Kinda weird how this band is name like the band AIR from the country FRANCE. unoriginal, yall.
Erykah Badu - A lot of people liked this album, but I just remember her as a Zany, free spirited black woman who is largely responsible for making Andre 3000 the zany black man that he is today.
Lil Wayne - only heard the songs on the radio. Remember when Michael Phelps won a bunch of gold medals while listening to him? Remember when Michael Phelps turned into a brobag?

No Age- Think I wrote a post about how I didn’t ‘get’ them.
Portishead - I like to guess what a band will sound like based on their name, and the name ‘Portishead’ gives me a bad feeling.
Fleet Foxes - I always meant to get around to listening to them since they were always popular on hypemachine, but just sounded a little bit like something that shitty blogs blog about, and I don’t want to align my personal brand with entry level blogs who have ‘dreams of getting recruited by P4k’
Born Ruffians - sound kinda like they have a fat singer
Jamie Lidell - h8 when u don’t know if it is a man or a woman/if they are ‘pop’ or ‘deep’ or something weirdo-y like Lykke Li
Justice - nvr listend to them, only blggd abt them to appeal to entry levelers
Little Boots – saw her on the youtube using zany instruments, playing them live. Still haven’t really dug in deep. The next FEIST?

Ricardo Villalobos – Reminds me of the name JOSE GONZALEZ or whatever the hell his name is. Don’t know what 2 expect.
MGMT - didn’t their album come out in 2k4?
T.I. - hopefully his next album is ‘more conceptual’ so he can be as successful as Lil Wayne
The Mae Shi - not sure what 2 expect from a band name like this.

PLZ feel free to explain what these bands are all about/what I should listen 2/ what ’sux’/what type of people listen to particular bands.
I just want 2 stay relevant and ‘in touch’ with ‘what’s goin on’ in the musicsphere.
I want to be ‘more tolerant’ in terms of ‘taste’ in 2k9.
What bands did u not listen 2 in 2k8?
What bands will u not listen 2 in 2k9?
What bands should I listen 2 from 2k7/2k8 in the current year, 2k9?
How do you represent the year “2010″ in 2k__ format?

Basically, whenever you are with a group of friends, you should want people to mistake you for a band/blogger-circle-jerk/scooter gang/DJ duo/etc. You have to inspire people to want to be your friend. You have to inspire people 2 want 2 b u.

From a previous meaningful post:

When people say ‘u look like ur in a band’, it means that you are some one who is on the cutting edge of culture from the perception of some1 who doesn’t know much about modern culture, but would like to learn more abt it from u (since u l00k pretty interesting and creative). “Looking like you’re in a band” isn’t a look for every one. The people who will admire you are usually entry-level alts or mainstreamers-who-are-infatuated-with-alternative culture (and listen to a lot of mainstream indie rock circa 2k4.5)

Wonder if my friends want a group brand like Interpol…

Or if they want a group brand more like Millionaires…

Not sure which 1 would get us more ‘authentic, relevant attention.’

Might just get a group brand like Heaven’s Gate…

Or maybe just the Jonestown cult bros…

// Is my group of closest friends worth dying for?
// or are they just ‘an extension of my personal brand who are expendable in the long run’?

When you are building a personal brand, you want a brand so strong that people want to emulate it. Kinda like Michael Jackson when he was in the process of turning white. You want other people to want your life.

Picking your authentic alt career is difficult. Sometimes it takes a lot of hard work. Sometimes it means ’standing up 2 ur parentz bullshit expectations’ and/or ’societal norms.’ It means taking risks, going to college, not going to college, changing your major, taking a year off, and transferring to a school where u r socially comfortable+’academically stimulated.’ It means being yourself and being some one else. While ‘wanting 2 make ur parents proud’ is an innate within all humans, authentic alts are willing to rage against this desire. Your pride is the most important thing in the world. Your pride, your terms.

This is ur life.
WHO DO U WANT 2 B?

//////
HIPSTER RUNOFF PRESENTS
//////
THE MOST AUTHENTIC ALTERNATIVE CAREERS
/////

The Guy who works the soundboard at concerts. He knows a lot about sound quality, systems, and bands.

DJ at a shitty radio station/college radio station/guy who is affiliated with a university 5+ years after graduating & not getting a real job.

“Door guy” who multitasks as a bouncer/ticket tearer/janitor.

Buffalo Exchange employee

Am Appy employee

postpostironic McDonalds employee

Start an indie band that is better at ‘looking like an indie band’ than it is at making music

Start a web 2.0 company

Start the first myspace profile

Work for a web marketing company who tries to get products/services/memes to go viral for companies who don’t ‘get’ how the internet works. h8 when ‘big businesses’ don’t understand the importance of the meme economy.

Work at Costco

Be a Zany Doctor

Work at a free spirited, local coffee shop

Work at Starbucks (great benefits, yall)

Go 2 beauty school.

Learn photoshop/become a designer. Carles is certified in Photoshop CS1.

Transition your name into a fashion label / be a judge on a Bravo show / make clothes for keut women.

Buy a video camera and make a lil meaningful film.

Start a blog!

Go on a Bravo Show/pretend u r ‘into the design sciences.’

Become an altCEO // start a ‘plain tee shirt company’ that is ‘fueled by legal Mexis’

Spend ur whole life ‘becoming good at the internet’ for no real reason.

[via Designnotes]

Tattoo artist

Apple Store Employee

Blipster Apple Store Employee

Make a viral vid


Note: Working in a record store is no longer an authentic alternative career in the postMP3 blog era.

************
Yall have a lot of options to express your personal brands. I’m sure I left out tons of options. Feel free to add some more to the comments.

In conclusion, it is just important to always remember the power of your alternative self, and the power of alternative free will. You are not functioning within the implied expectations of society. You will justify your life at any cost. You want people to understand that you are at your job for a reason. Even if you are just ‘working at a coffee shop before you move to NYC to get a job at a design firm after you get your portfolio of doodles+MSPaint files together.’

Never give up on you. You are special. Eventually, you will find a way to get paid for just being yourself. You have a unique perspective on the world, and eventually, you will find a way to let people know ‘who u really are’, establishing a platform where people will listen 2 u, and most importantly, want 2 b u. (kinda like God/Michael Jordan/theGirlTalk/Macauly Culkin circa Home Alone).