HIPSTER RUNOFF

Apple recently came out with a new iPhone that has a webcam / HD video camera on it, so u can vlog and video chat with other people instead of using the phone in a generic manner. The new ads 'highlighting' this feature seem like they are really trying to demonstrate how technology can enhance opportunities for authentic human connections. Sorta feel like they portrayed tons of mainstream, Middle American ideas of 'family', 'love', and 'relationships', trying to make the Apple brand 'essential' in Middle America.

Honestly feel kinda bummed because I thought I was progressive 4 using Apple products.
Guess now that there is an Apple Store at every suburban mall, I should stop kidding myself
Apples are for streamers
Dells are fore streamers
GPS devices are for suburban streamers
All technology has 'gone mainstream' [via relatively affordable price points/in-store credit opportunities]

Every1 loves 2 love technology
An opportunity to stay connected
Every new product--website, software, or hardware device
gives us an opportunity to take 'humanity' to the next level
Making us more relevant than any generation before us
the ability to do more great things

So pumped to use the lil camera on my iPhone 4
Gonna livevlog so hard
No longer waiting til I get home to upload my vlogs to my youtube/vimeo account
my tribe of followers are gonna be soo connected to my web brand

Gonna tell my boyfriend that he finally planted a load of semen in my vagina

Livevlogging via Apple will change everything
Feel like it will be just as fulfilling as hanging out with some1 in person
Won't even really have 2 leave the house
or buy a cell phone plan--probs just a data plan
with the skype/iChat app

Can't wait to break up with my GF using iPhone video chat technology
Or to tell her that she 'looks like shit' and needs to put on something
more flattering/forgiving for our date

Might also tell her that I have an STD
Or 'threaten 2 kill her' [via Mel Gibson / OJ Simpson]

I always feel creeped out
and uncomfortable when old people use technology

I feel like they deserve to live their lives' without it
New commercials make me kinda sad that we are forcing iProducts down their throats
because I don't really think I want to experience any of these lamestream events in my life
Don't wanna have a family
Don't wanna have a kid
Don't want to 'take care' of my parents after they get old
Gonna stick them in a homeless community without wifi, and limited TV access
Might just ship them 2 North Korea

But maybe when I am a dad,
I will buy my daughter a cell phone so that we don't fall out of touch
I can use technology to relate to her on her own level
send her positive texts
maybe even 'get hornie' and sext with her if my marriage falls apart and I become an alcoholic

She is soo spoiled
Paid for braces
Data plan
Private School
Horse Riding Lessons
and she can't even vlog with me?

'spoiled ass bitch' -Gen Y dad after raising a terrible kid

Even if I'm in the military
and my wife gives birth
U can jam an iPhone up her pussy
and 'live vlog' that shit
Kinda sad I won't be able to start off being a 'deadbeat dad' on the right foot.

Even if u can't 'talk' on ur phone, u can utilize sign language
to vlog hard

I miss the days when Apple would just put a cutesy indie song in their commercials
harvesting buzzbands to the mainstream
like the Feists
or other 'shitty alt rock songs'
like that one by the band JET

I remember when I was the only alt in my elementary / middle school / high school / college dorm to have a Mac
Before it was even 'maltstream trendy'
Really just fit in with my lifestyle
Not even trying '2 be kewl'

But now every1 has an apple product
iPhones
iPods
iShuffles
iMacs
iPads
iTweens

So many opportunities
to help Middle Americans and mainstreamers
utilize technology in tacky ways
How much is 2 much?

I remember when technology used to just be for people who lived in relevant cities
but I guess suburban families are kinda rich
and have tons of money 2 blow
at Apple Store outlets

How do u feel about Apple's new Middle American brand?
Is Apple 'swirling down the shitter' or are they like a buzzband that is morphing into U2?
Are Apple's products 'perfect' or is AT&T 'fucking bullshit'?
Should I start using Android for pure Google integration?
Do u h8 living in the vlog era?
What meaningful moments of ur life do you think you will livevlog with your friends and families?
Do these commercials make u want to throw up?
Do u wish you could be a semi-professional actor who got the chance to star as a 'generic American' in an iPhone commercial?
Are humans 'too connected' via technology?

Just traded in my Razr for an iPhone. My 2 year plan finally expired. My parents wouldn't let me break out 'family plan' contract since I used up all of our minutes + text messages + data.

N e ways...Been trying to research iPhone applications 2 download.

APP #1: Mad Decent App
Saw this DJ app by the popular subsidiary of Down Town Records, MAD DECENT.
The popular DJ bro 'Diplo' smokes 'a blunt' and 'explains how the app works. I think it just takes zany sounds that they sample, and allows you to make 'sick beats.'

I think this is how Diplo produced the popular song 'Paper Planes (ft M.I.A.)". He basically just took tons of zany sounds and 'made them big.' Think this might be a new electro model for the startup myspace DJ duo that me and my bro are starting out. I think they call it 'the Mario Paint Musical Composer' style of producing beats.

Wish Nintendo would turn this in2 some sort of 'iPhone app'/sell it for the Wii/Nintendo DS.

APP #2: Cocaine App
I also saw this really kewl iPhone application that allows me to do blow off my iPhone. Not sure if the cocaine is real, or if the app lets me network with local drug dealers to 'get the best price' on a kilo.

Can't believe my dream finally came true. [see previous memorable post]

I heard that in our modern world, bands no longer need to 'make albums/songs.' All they really need to do is create iPhone apps. Scared that we will only need iPhones/iPods to run applications/musical programs in the future. Think the future of the computer is 'somewhere between lappy and iPhone gadget.'

Just want to build the perfect 'app' that is 'fun' AND 'useful', kind of like an iPhone.

Does n e 1 know what 'apps' is short for?
What kind of phone do yall have, and do u have any kewl apps/games on it like 'Snake'?

sent from my iPhone

Photo via Kanye University

Sometimes it is hard for me to evaluate what I truly value, and how much I value it. Do I value 'friends'/'family'? Do I value 'life experiences' like 'studying abroad'? Do I value having new products in my possession? Do I value 'shit like Apple products'/'cell phones'/'the right to say that I was one of the first people to see an adventure action movie that is part of a trilogy'?

I saw these bros sitting outside of an urban boutique waiting to purchase the Kanye West sneakers, which I have previously reviewed. I wonder 'what is so important' about a shoe? Is there some sort of 'technology' that will make their lives' better, or do they just want the right to the experience/right to purchase the shoe for $1000, or the right to sell the shoe on eBay to the 'highest bidder'?

Wonder if I could 'bond' with the people who wait in line for new products, since we basically value the same stuff. Feels weird when 'everything feels like a toy', but there are still these adults who 'really want to buy a kewl new toy that will make people think they are kewler.'

Always kinda weird when there is a higher demand than supply, and when people 'wait overnight' for the right to buy something. Kinda like a Nintendo Wii / Jonas Brothers tickets. Sort of reminds me of 'spoiled kids' from my childhood, whose parents were 'kinda bad and lazy', just sort of letting their son/daughter 'run away with the concept of COOL.' Still angry that my parents weren't like that.

Felt sad when I had to wait in line at an AT&T store for the new iPhone. Wish I lived in NYC/ a city with an Apple store so I didn't feel like 'such a loser' and I could actually bond with 'kewl people' who were part of the same 'product tribe' as me.

So what do yall value? Have yall ever 'sacrificed' ur time 2 'wait for the right' to 'buy something fuckin awesome'? How does it feel when u have the product in ur hand, then spend several hundred dollars 2 purchase it? How does it feel the first time u use it?

Trying 2 be happy, and establish a hierarchy of wants and needs. Not sure if it means that a 'lifestyle brand' has too much control over my life if I am willing to wait outdoors for more than 3 hours for it.

I was recently browsing the internet, and I saw this meme being blogged/blurbed about in multiple outlets. In the video, a group of free-spirited moms without kids who formed a band instead play the song "Kids" by MGMT on multiple iPhone applications.

Is this just some sort of 'marketing gimmick'? Did some ad agency pick 'girls who look interesting' to promote Apple/applications/the band MGMT? Should MGMT sue these people for using their song without their consent? Am I supposed to think that this is 'cool' or that it is 'oddly entertaining'? Should part of me want to 'cum' with these broads because they are 'talented and beautiful'?

N e ways... their cover is pretty poopy. It sort of sounds like 8 year olds who just got a 3 octave keyboard 'learning that they love music and want to make it for the rest of their livez bc they did a cover of a popular song.' Makes me kinda sad. Just wish there wasn't this space on the internet where products could be showcased in what appears to be 'an organic cauldron of buzz', but it's really just people looking 2 sell u something.

Is "Kids" by MGMT going to be used for the next 200 years in the background of commercials that need 2 be 'upbeat'?

Previous MGMT mainstreamer moment
http://www.hipsterrunoff.com/2009/02/great-moments-in-mainstreamers-embracing-alternative-songs-from-2-years-ago.html

h8 our modern world.
I can't tell if videos like this are 'real moments of beauty' or just gimmick marketing.

Do yall know if this act of puberty is authentic, or just something designed by marketing firms?

///confused

In an effort to stay modern and current, I will start reviewing more gizmos and gadgets. It's just part of the modern world, yall. If u want 2 be interesting, u have to 'want' new 'communication devices' and stuff like that. Having a phone with web browsing capabilities may or may not be more important than owning Merriweather Post Pavillion. This is a post about technology cuz we are living in the modern world where people start to want gadgets that they read about at tech rumor blogs.

Product Name: iPhone Raw Nano
Manufacturer: Apple
Lead Designer: Steve Jobs, an JAPANAZN bro, and a swiss coolhunting blogger
Photograph:

Overall grade: 4 out of 5 AZN sweatshop tweens
Review: The iPhone Raw is Steve Jobs'es answer to the Google Blackberry phone. As opposed to focusing on what Google does better, it tried to appeal to an older audience, focusing on the 'book reading' aspects of the iPhone, stripping away features like the actual telephone and the vibrant application market. In addition, there is no longer storage for mp3s or windows media files.

However, the new iPhone is a lot like a book. U can download books, and read them. In order to be a 'greener' product, the new iPhone does not have a colour display, nor does it have a multitouch or single-touch screen. In order to challenge existing design constructs and get us back to our glory days, there are a lot of buttons, and an entire keyboard. There is no facebook access on this device, but they are working on a Twitter fixpack.

I can see this new iPhone appealing to a lot of authentic tech heads who understand design and 'want to get back to basics.' U might also want 2 get one for ur parents as they grow older and still love to read books. Kinda confused about what I would do with it, but I'm sure it comes with some cool games like Solitaire, Spider Solitaire, Jezzball, Snake, Ski Fri, or Battle Chess.

Apple has once again mastered design and identified a need that we didn't even know we wanted. Kinda like when the iPhone came out and I waited in line for 30 days to make sure I got one. Then I took a poop and used my phone while feces dropped out of my body. It was a metaphor.

___________________________
Carles is a Tech Beat Writer for HIPSTERRUNOFF.com and a contributor to TechBros Magazine.

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Are yall gonna get an iPhone?
OR do u think ur gonna have some1 put a desktop computer in2 ur tummie?

Hey yall...
blogging from my T-mobile g1 phone at Obammy's inauguration. srry about any spelling errors or weird ofrmatting. just try to make it through this post bc this post is a part of history.

n e ways. it's s000 fckng crowded, yall. I just saw some1 'take a crap' in the swimming pool thingy. Not enough port-o-potties. I'm starving. there aren't really enough options for my recently implemented vegan lifestyle.

n e ways, I recently started a startup clothing & apparel company. We make memorabilia for events + communities. Kinda like when ur pro sports team makes the playoffs, or when a President gets elected--that kind of stuff.

But yea... brought some lawn chairs and some 'brews' so that I could 'be totally fucked up' when Obama goes 'on stage.' I don't really know how to handle public events like this, so I usually just pretend that they are a music festival. This means that I just try to get 'blackout drunk' and attempt to 'make out' with as many broads as possible. Sux that it is so cold & girls can't 'show off their bods in form fitting outfits.' (might take acid later)

n e ways... I think I have a pretty good view. the arena has IMAX-quality sound. Gonna sound like an AnCo concert.

does n e 1 know where there are any 'blog house after parties' at the inaug? Are yall going to the HypeMachine+Pitchfork Ball starring Will.I.Am?

Hopefully there is a Buzzband Stimulus package in 2k10, or else all of the music magazines are 'gonna go under' kinda like Best Buy did just last week. Worried that I might lose my job at the Mac kiosk within a local Best Buy. FYI it's like 'working at a Mac Store' except without a lot of the pressure of actually being an Apple employee.

n e ways.. Barry is about to talk/rap, so I g2g.

_______________________
sent from my iPhone Nano

Should I do it off my iPhone or my iPod Nanny?

Which 1 will get me 'm0re fuckt up'?

Should I have a certain song playing when I 'sniff it' 4 the first time?

Just trying to find myself/fit in with a new group of Alt4Life friends that I made.

Should I stay away from drugs?  Help.

THERE USED TO BE A KUTE PARTY PIC HERE, BUT THEN SOME GIRL EMAILED ME AND TOLD ME TO TAKE IT DOWN. SORRY YALL! PLEASE ENJOY THE COMMENTARY ON TECHNOLOGY WITHOUT ANY SORT OF CONTEXT.

I have had a cell phone for so long, that I would be TOTALLY confused and lost if I had to use a payphone again. Do pay phones have custom ringtones/text messaging now? It's kind of weird how I am so good at new, cutting-edge technology, but I can't really regress to old technology. For example, I forgot how to use Windows since I am such a baller Mac user (just set up hot corners and my dashboard wigets).

Seen n e kute coin slots lately?
Seen n e possibly AZN QTs who accidentally sharted themselves, lost their iPhone, and had to call their stepDad for a ride home in just one tragic night?

Check out these iPod Nano cases made by Contexture. So maybe you feel like iPod Touches are not worth it, or you feel enslaved by a second generation Nano that you got just a few months ago. For only $45, you can upgrade to have a really interesting take on your iPod Nano. Apparently they are working on a design for the new, smaller Nano models.

“Reusing an old music medium to protect technology that surpassed it really resonates with us as music fans and sustainable designers,” says Trevor Coghill, Contexture Design co-founder.

“Before iTunes’ playlists, people made mix tapes,” says founding partner Nathan Lee of the similarities between cassettes and digital music players. “And like iPods and nanos, tapes were also a really portable music technology.”

Who needs an iTunes store on their iPod any ways? You can't even download songs from MP3 blogs on to your iPhones or iPod touches.

Order one here.