HIPSTER RUNOFF

I was recently watching a youtube video of an indie bro watching a youtube video of a live performance by the popular indie female artist The St. Vincent.  The video is compelling content, an open love letter to the female of his dreams.   In the video, he pours out his emotional/spiritual/sexual/intellectual desires, letting St. Vincent know that 'they could have a perfect life together.'

Transcription of youtube video:

Hey St Vincent. I'm sitting here sprung out watching 'You Dig a Pony' meanwhile I just want to be digging your pony. I think you're sexy as hell. I've been stalking you since back when you were just an mp3 blogger meme, back in 2006. But I saw your potential, and here we are almost four years later, rich and famous. And I'm just so proud. I see you wearing those black tights all the time underneath your skirts and shorts, and to me, that just make a nigga go buck wild. The locks of your hair curl to perfection. You got a slammin bod and my dick raise up like a scissor kick when you hit the high note. But all I wanna know is, can you shred on your guitar like that bent over? I like that you sing in two microphones, because then it's like there's two of you, and I always wished that God made two of you so that I could fuck you while you lick my ass. Your lips are sexy red and I want to rub the large space in between your eyes. I'm best friends with Grizzly Bear, and I just want all of us to be friends in Brooklyn, and maybe live in your house and sleep in your bed. And I hope that when you watch this vid, you fall in love with me, because when I turn my swagger on, no one got it like this, and I be in your mother fucking dreams tonight. Thank you for watching my youtube, St. Vincent. Thank you for your music. And I love you.

I think many people would probably find this video to be 'sick', 'troublesome', and miscellaneous feelings that would put them 'above this type of cheap ploy for attention.' But it's important to talk about how altbros, indie bros, and music criticism middle aged bros view females in the alternative music scene. If we can assume that men are the driving force behind indie buzz, indie record sales, the indie media, and altEverything, then how do we fairly assess women's role in 'the whole scene.' It seems like in this open love letter to St. Vincent, the youtubeBro gave us a valuable insight into the true desires of all bros who are alt/indie/etc.

This is what alternative males want:

• We to be loved.
• We want to be relevant.
• We want to 'bang' bitches in 'mad crazy' positions
• We want to live a perfect life in a relevant city
• We want to be bffs with bands
• We want to follow bands/artists and watch them grow and attribute their success to ourselves for being on the forefront of relevancy.
• We want 'the most respected female' in the indie scene to be our gf [via the altbaguette theory]

How does indie bro obsession impact the indiesphere?

Will an ugly/not cute girl ever 'make it' as an indie artist? It seems like indie bros who 'shape' the indie world will always have trouble evaluating female artists. I think the first thing men look at is 'how attractive is the female.' That seems to be 'the most important element' when evaluating a woman in any profession (strippers, actresses, accountants, secretaries, etc).

I think it is also important for indie females to 'seem like they are real musicians.' This can be accomplished by either displaying a relatively high level of 'musicianship', or even just by 'appearing to take themselves seriously.' Many say that behind every great woman is a great man, so even if a 'skilled male producer' creates mad beats, the female band member/lead singer still has a very important task in terms of branding the live performance with the level of 'into-it-ness' of her presence.

Whenever I see coverage of an indie starlet, I imagine some music criticism bro wild a mildly erect penis while writing a blurb. In a short blurb, the music critic bro can project his feelings/hopes/dreams/desires. He can mention that the female artist is 'hot' but also say something that clearly indicates 'we need to take her seriously.' All blurbs about female artists by men are unintentional manifestos in which we 'search 4 a sexual identity.' I wrote this post to 'come to terms' with my homosexuality/heterosexuality/bisexuality/pansexuality/indiesexuality.

I feel like I am in search of 'the perfect alt woman', and I can't help but entirely identify with the St. Vincent Love Letter Vlog.  I want 2 be loved, have krazie sex, and also have an authentic life.  I am not sure if I like listening to music by women, but I feel like I will watch them if they are 'hot.'  It seems impossible for men to 'actually like' music by women, since many of the lyrical themes are coming from the 'fucking dreamworld' that exists inside of a girl's head.

Wonder if I would consider living my perfect life with the Dirty Projector altbaguettes.

Even the Zany SNL video meme bro got 'roped in' by the prospects of a 'perfect alt life' with Joanna Newsom.

How do yall think that the horniness of men impacts the critical acceptance of women? Can indie bros 'put aside their desire 2 mate' when evaluating females in music? Will an 'ugly woman' ever be very successful at anything, or does society naturally 'select out' the uggos? Should we segregate the indiesphere by gender? Should there be a 'pitchfork4Girls' instead of reading men evaluating women?

Does some sort of subconscious sexual desire impact the acceptance of all females?  Is the indiesphere an 'equal opportunity' hype machine?

Maybe indie bros are bisexuals. Maybe we do evaluate everything fairly. Maybe we just need to 'learn 2 love' regardless of (sexual) gender and (musical) genre.

Maybe we all need 2 take a lil ride on the chillwave...

How do the sexual desires of men impact the indie perception bubble/the Western World/the Middle East?
When u watch a female artist, what do u expect from her?
Are chick flicks/romantic comedies and indie-ish female musicians some sort of marketing gimmick to exploit the infamous 'female' demographic of humans?
If u like a band with a male lead singer, are u 'kinda ghey'?
Do women like male singers because they want to 'make love' to them/get swept off their feet into a rock n roll lifestyle?
Is it realistic for men to identify with themes in music made by females?
Will men ever see women as 'anything more than a fuck doll'?

I have been listening to some of 2k9's most relevant artists/songs, including "Cheerleader" by the Grizzly Bear. I think that the song is 'chill' but I think that in our new era, u can always find a way to dance, even if a song is sorta conceptual/chill. I am not sure what this bro is all about. I think he might be one of those bros who has a post-post-pre-ironic internet personality, just trying to be 'a think piece' on the internet 2 set himself apart from 'every other loser with a mnstrm facebook profile.'

Sorta just wanna chill, be myself on the internet. Have people 'find my vid' when they search 4 their fave band on youtube. Possibly 'become an altmeme.' Might film my cock coming out of my Am Appy briefs and 'tugging' til I cum with a 2k7 electro song in the background.

XX BONUS ANCO BRO SPORT MEME XX

Wonder if these are 'the two best songs' of 2k9? Feel like it is 'entry level' to enjoy 'Two Weeks' + 'My Girls' the most.

Kinda feels weird how these 2 bands are 'tied 2gether' in the conquest for the 'best' album experience of 2k9. Not even sure what the 'best album' of 2k9 is. Wonder what 'the internet pundits' will say is the best album of 2k9. Feel like people will pick Grizzly Bear because they are 'very personal bros', and from what I have learned, personal connections 'mean everything.' While people 'love' anco, they are still not entirely engaging bros, nor could u imagine having a 'chill convo' with them. I think that people who pick the Dirty Projjies to be the best album of 2k9 will be the 'type of music reviewing bros who are ghey/don't get girls in real life and feel closer 2 women by enjoying female artists.' Think this might be the theory that explains why St. Vincent is 'relevant.'

What's yalls fave album of 2k9?