Justin Bieber | Hipster Runoff

Justin Bieber

Did yall watch the American Music Awards? [via no1 gives a shit]

I'm not sure what the American Music Awards is, who cares abt it, who watches it, who 'actually wants 2 win 1' and who thinks that 'winning' an AMA 'means something.' I feel like maybe MTV Awards shows are probably more relevant than 'real awards shows' because they accept the model/gimmick that they are just trying to create fake events that generate long lasting memes, but these awards shows still have to pretend that they 'mean something.'

Not sure if the old ppl pictured above are 'in charge of it' or if they are just lost parents looking for a neighboring convention center room.

Seems like the only notable meme was this 'tween oreo' picture of Jayden Smith, Justin Bieber, and Willow Smith.

Will Willow Smith be able to keep her meme going/does her song 'resonate with tweens' or does she need to ride Miley-ass slutwaves?

Feel like these days u can turn any random ass tween into a 'tween sensation.' This is Julio, a 3rd grader discovered on youtube who now has a record contract + Disney show.

'I hate my abusive stage dad.' - Julio

Probably wasn't a 'real event' if K3$ha wore a torn ass garbage bag

Keut eyebrows. Ur a fashion icon who will be remembered 4evr

Not sure if Katy Perry actually went or just sent a 'wax statue' of herself

At least she sported some camel toe 4 a meme

Taylor Swift is sort of morphing into a slutwaver in the same way that porn stars like Sasha Grey and Faye Valentine 'got hot' because they didn't have cartoon-titties but just were 'super nasty' and 'loved fucking'

Best New Bangs Award

Who invited Mandy Moore? Has she done anything relevant since "A Walk 2 Remember" / "Candy.mp3"?

'Breathe in, breathe out.' -Gavin Rossdale from the buzzband BUSH

Wonder if Gwen Stefani regrets marrying him since he was potentially 'only hot' in the 90s.

"Who the eff is Rob Thomas?" -Gavin Rossdale collabing with Santana to 'crush it' during a cover of "Smooth"

My free spirited 4th grade Spanish teacher showed up.

Apparently the Backstreet Boys and the New Kids on the Block 'merged' and they are going to start touring together even though they are all fat, old, gross, and can't sing as well.

I wonder how these bros are able to handle 'not being famous' any more. I imagine them ordering a sandwich at Subway and waiting anxiously for the sandwich artist 2 recognize them.

Here is some really embarrassing video of their live performance.
Kinda funnie 2 see people trying to get back into these brands.


Wonder if all of the non-Timberlake members of NSYNC wish JT's career was 'tanking' so that they could 'reunite'

No idea who this dude is, but looks like the guy who made my fries at Jack N the Box last nite.

No idea who this guy is, but looks like the guy I had to 'argue with' when they effed up my order at Jack N the Box last nite.

Worried that Xtina Aguliarea has been vibing at Jack N the Box a lil bit too much [via 2 for 99 cents tacos]


The MTV VMAs are an opportunity to celebrate macro-fame, human memes, & social media

Can't believe it has been a year since Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift and created some sweet internet memes + inspired Carles to write some over-thought puff piece abt the memefication process of humans + events [link]. Honestly can't see my life changing much for the next 20 years. Always gonna sit on a computer, will watch TV, will react to what I am seeing on TV, entertaining my audience of followers who 'value my opinion.'

Worried that time is gonna pass me by, and I won't 'grow up' and I'll just be a worthless 20something forever.

Don't want to think abt that. Just gonna watch the MTV VMAs. H8 society. Just want to consume 'pop culture' and form my unique opinion on it. Want people to know that I 'get' pop culture, and even though I consume it on a daily basis, my perspective on it transcends all.

Feel like Lady Gaga is really 'in her element' at the VMAs, since MTV will basically do whatever she wants to 'create a meme.'

Wore tons of zany meme outfits

She brought a few recently-discharged members of the American Armed Forces to 'make herself seem like a good person.'

Wonder if Katy Perry should have brought some World War 2/Vietnam veterans and/or Holocaust survivors. Think old jewish people might be a haute fashion accessory in 2k12.

Here is another bro who looks like he just won a few medals from serving in Iraq/Afghanistan

I heard that she 'scissored' with Ellen Degeneres just to get blog coverage / appeal to the gay + lesbian markets

Here is Lady Gaga 'sharing a smart snack' with rapper Drake

Drinking out of a zany starbucks cup

Wonder which of these artists is 'more innovative'? Wonder which 1 rode the slutwave harder.

Is there a time where u need to 'retire' getting whored up and wearing stupid, slutty costumes? I can't imagine being 60 years old and having to worry about 'shaving the grey hairs off my pussie region.'

Is Cody Simpson the new Justin Bieber?

It seems like 2k10 has been all about 'Bieber fever.' Every1 knows who that lil tween bro is just because he sings makes tween girls' pussies wet and transitioned into a bloggable internet meme. Social media tweeting tweens with iTunes gift cards have kept him 'mad internet famous' and probably pretty well monetized. Feel like his career is sort of an 'inside joke' or something that no1 else really minds following. I wonder if he will 'pull a Justin Timberlake' and become a 'bad boy' who 'wants 2 fuck u' soon. I remember when Justin Timberlake shaved off his curly golden white boy fro and got a buzz + some tattoos + muscles just to let u know he was 'bad/hornie.' Bieber really needs to start 'banging bitches' if he wants to make his career last more than _ years, because the Jonas Brothers proved that the whole 'purity angle' makes you boring. All tweens eventually want to lose their virginity, whether it is in the back of a car or the back of a movie theatre. Even Miley Cyrus has decided to 'ride the slutwave' with Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Lindsay Spears.

My fave part of the music industry is 'aesthetic replication', but I think that applies to all parts of life/business. Whether it is a great business model, a totally unique artist, or 'the way a new buzzband sounds', every1 is trying to copy every1 else who has been successful before them. This inspires 'discussion' on whether or not the new product is a 'rip off', which is good for buzz. I feel like I have really been enjoying all of the slutwave artists 'getting conceptual' after Lady Gaga got conceptual + generated blog buzz.

It is exciting to see the new genre of post-Bieber-lil-bros.

I feel like this new bro "Cody Simpson" might be a new tween meme that I might ride. It will be sort of like 'finding a new indie buzzband' to talk about with all of my friends, except he is in the wigger tween genre. Really digging this song hard. Sorta wanna cruise around bikes with my bros again, and talk about our penises getting hard 4 the first time.


From what I understand, he is an Australian tween who was harvested from youtube (just like JBieb). He also has a hair swoop, but his foreign accent 'makes him dreamy.' Sort of seems like a chill California style bro, but I guess that's how most Australian bros are.

Feel like if I had a 2nd life/opportunity to pursue a new career, I would be a 'tween sensation stylist.' I would give the Jonas Bros 'lil vests' and hoodies to wigger tween rapper singers.

He seems pretty chill. Might follow him on twitter.


Wonder if u get 'unlimited blowjobs' if ur a tween sensation.

He seems 'self-aware' when talking about the Bieber Rivalry. He seems soo 'wise beyond his years.'


Do u believe in the Cody Simpson brand?
Will Cody Simpson 'become a meme' just like Justin Bieber?
Will this post just become a 'sad memorial' of a bro who tried to 'rip off' Justin Bieber to sell albums once both of these bros end up like 'the Two Coreys'?
Do u feel bad for kids' whose lives' are ruined because record industry executives 'used' them to try to sell records?
Was 'social media' built for tweens?
Will tweens ever 'go indie' or will they stay brand loyal to tweens forever?
Do u wanna chill with CodyBro?
Do u h8 Australians?

Is tween coverage 'more interesting' than boring ass buzzband coverage?
What buzzbands have ripped off other buzzbands' sounds?
If you are an indie buzzband, does it just make sense to create ur own weird sound so that no1 can directly rip it off?
Will Justin Bieber/Lady Gaga have 'long, fruitful, fulfilling careers' or are they just the 2 artists who have done the best job of 'exploiting' social media and will eventually become 'even bigger jokes than they are now'?

The Justin BiebAlt

The Justin BiebAlt has all of the good, wholesome looks of Justin Bieber, with a completely different, raw & edgy attitude. Instead of dressing in 'fresh hoodies', he was post-ironic vintage grunge gear. As opposed to using expensive shampoos, conditioners, gels and hairsprays, he lets sweat + natural oils sculpt his hair.

Wish I could be
the Justin BiebAlt

Photo by Fatale Femmes

It's sorta weird how 'Bieber Fever' took over America + Twitter for a while. It seems like he replaced the Jonas Brothers as 'the hot tween act.' I think ultimately the Jonas Brothers were a little bit too Christian to maintain their buzz. Justin Bieber is better because he is all about 'sex, relationships, and getting his tween pee pee hard.' That's something female tween fans want to hear a pop sensation sing about, so it was sweet that they got a big black man in the form of a lil white bro with swoopy hair.

From what I understand, part of Justin Bieber's marketability is that his hair is a meme. Not only does he produce MP3s, but his smile, face, and hair provide photo memes 'on the reg.'

He apparently was just a tween with a youtuber account, then Usher signed him because he was marginally talented and white. Little white girls buy tons of iTunes singles, so it seems like he is 'a perfect product.' Not sure about his shelf life, but he can probably 'bring in mad bank' for the next 1.5 years.

Maybe I'll grow my hair out into a sculpted bowl of beautiful, healthy hair. I feel like I might become a 'pussy magnet.'

Do u think it is better to be a mainstream Justin Bieber bro, or a Justin BiebAlt?
Which 1 gets you more 'hot chicks'?
Which 1 gets u 'more money'?
Which 1 gets u more 'alt cred'?

Wonder if it is 'alt' for men to blowdry their hair.


I feel like the Justin BiebAlt doesn't have to blowdry his hair. He doesn't wash it for days. He lets it get all gross and clumpy, but 'wears it proudly', like he's still the shit.

Just want to go out for pizza with Justin BiebAlt, maybe pick up some 'hot pussy' and make out with them with pepperoni breath. Gonna wash it all down with a Dr Pepper.

Do u know n e 1 with a Justin BiebAlt haircut?
Did u ever have a strategically swoopy bowl cut?
Should men maintain their hair?
How many times a week should u shampoo?
Do u regret not doing everything u could to 'score underaged sex' when it was still legal because you were under-aged?

Is Justin Bieber the next Michael Jackson?
Is Justin Bieber the most successful artist in the history of the internet? Or is it Lady Gaga / the Black Eyed Peas / David After Dentist / Tay Zonday?


Or is he 'just a little wigger meant to wet the panties of lil girls who sprouted their first pubes'?

Can people with curly hair be Justin Biebalts, or does their hair turn too clumpy?
Is Justin Bieber a 'winner of the genetic lottery' or is he gonna turn all gross after puberty, kinda like Jerry Maguire's hit child actor Jonathan Lipnicki?

If ur not willing 2 #cut4 n e thing, ur not living 4 n e thing. #cut4bieber

Sometimes I wonder
how much i rlly care abt n e thing
If I truly feel 'passionate' abt n e thing
If I would die 4 n e thing or n e 1

Am I truly willing #cut4 anything?

Bleed myself slowly
2 death
Bc I believe in something?
Bc I <3 something?
Bc I am a true #DieHard Fan of something?

How much do u believe in n e thing?
Do wear #TOMS so they give some money to 'the poors' in the Third World?
Do u wear #KONY2012 shoes/wristbands?

Maybe I just need 2 #cut
I need 2 #cut4something

"4 u I bleed myself trying."
-the coldplays, Chris Martin

Is #cut4______ the new #pray4_______?
Who do u #cut4?
R u willing 2
R u worried that if u have a tween, he or she will #cut themselves after being 'cyberbullied', '#slutshamed', '#sexting', or some other #tween_scare_trend?

Should Justin Bieber be able 2 smoke dank on the regz?
Should weed be legalized so tweens stop cutting themselves?

Do u remember ur first tween #dank experience?
Did u just smoke a bag of schwag in the back of a Honda Civic?

I 'cutting' down 40% since online eCommerce 'killed off' the door2door knife salesman?

Do u believe in n e thing enough 2 #cut4it?
If ur not #cutting, ur not #living.


[via death by 'staying alive' in our 'bullshit society']

Justin Bieber shows off his teen boy happy trail and #SWOLE #SWAG muscles

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin BB! Is that u? I remember it like it was yesterday, u had a Bieber swoop and the smile of a lil angel. O:-)

Now ur a GROWN ASS MAN, or should I say a GROWN ASS TWEEN! Look at ur body, bb! So much SeXy BODY ART and look at those MUSCLES! I'll bet u could DEFANATELY squat me, but it would require a VERY strong lower AND upperbody because I have put on some poundage in the past several years.

I think his UNDIES and HAPPY TRAIL are so sexie! I would love to lick all the way down that hairy goodness to find out what's under the undies! Selena is SO lucky to have such a HOT guy to stare at IRL. Most of my BFs are honestly kinda scary and even I'll admit that I settle for them. I need to really take care of ME before I go and get into a relationship. I've honestly lost sight of who i am and need to go to therapy, start exercising, hanging out outdoors and eating less fastfood. I swear I will do all of those things as my new years resolutions, but until then, I'm ordering Papa Johns tonight! Yummy! #JohnsFavorite

Justin BB! Take a peen penis pic! I swear I won't share it with n e 1!

U look #SWAG and #SWOLE! Ur so #SWOLESWAG! #Protein #MuscleMilk

Justin Timberlake who? #TeamBieber

Justin Bieber wears urban camo because he is fighting in the #SWAG WARS!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

You've gotta fight for your right to #SWAG, Justin BB!

I would FOLLOW u to war as my #SWAG general! U look so HOT in camos. There's nothing like a man in uniform to get your panties nice and creamy. But Justin is EVEN HOTTER than the guys that hang around at the military base in my town because they are all a bunch of high school dropouts and they don't even know how to talk about anything nice and fun because many of them served in Iraq and Afghanistan and only see women as some one to have sex with inbetween killing people. I dated one of them, and it did NOT end well because he would have night terrors where he would reenact his time in the service, and he tried to make love to me, then murder me, as if I was a filthy Iraqi. #ugh

Justin is HOT in his urban camos! I would DEFANTELY fight alongside him for all the SWAG IN THE WORLD, bb! He probably has SWAG WEAPONS where he can shoot #SWAG out of his hands! I would be afraid of his #swag powers.

Oh Justin BB.... I am HOT and HORNIE 4 u... ESPECIALLY in ur SWAG urban camos! Let me know when ur coming home from ur tour of duty! Try not to get a mental disorder from killing innocent ppl, bb!

Austin Mahone who? #TeamJustinBieber!

SWAG ALERT: Justin Bieber takes SWAGGEST photo evr, shatters the #SWAG scale. Is this the #SWAGpocalypse?

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin BB! U r 2 #SWAG 4 #HASHTAGS!

I swear 2 effing god u just caused a swag earthquake that HAS 2 be the #SWAGPOCALYPSE. U r so #swag that U might even be #BA$ED! It srsly shouldn't be legal how much SWAG u have bc I can barely look at u without going blind for all that SWAG! I see SWAG from ur #SWAG_head all the way down 2 ur #SWAG_toes.

How do u cram all that #Swag, bb? I'll bet Selena's love hole starts creaming out #swag as soon as u walk in the door. So many #basic_bitches want u, but the DEFANATELY can't handle u. U need a REAL WOMAN, bb... Not that my vagine has physically been able to get creamy for over 20 years. Will my former lover, I had to squirt lubracant in there, and even then it would dry up like the Sahara Dessert. Needless to say, a dry peen ripping up your yajenga is NOT very SWAG at all.

Oh Justy... Every1 who claims they are #SWAG are just trying to immotate u. Ur the #REAL_DEAL_SWAG. Let me borrow ur baggy pants soon, bb!

#SWAG who? #TeamSWAGGY

If the world of SWAG ends 2mrrw, we'll know that Justin BB was truely the bringer-onner of the SWAGPOCALYPSE


NSF_SWAG: Justin Bieber's little brother Jaxon looks like a Lil Swaggy McSwagSwag Pimp BALLER!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin BB! Who is that HOTTIE ur carrying?

OMG! Is that ur hottie hunk brother Jaxon? He looks swag off the heezy 4 sheezy! He DEFANATELY needs to be locked away because so much swag could LITERALLY make a man go blind! Put him away! Well, actually, don't lock him up in a basement because that would be child abuse and that's what happened to me, but Law & Order SVU didn't exist back then, so there was no1 2 save me.

Jaxon Bieber is maybe even HOTTER than his older brother Justin! He has SO MUCH of that SWAG that I don't even know what to do with myself. I like them young, honestly, because the older men get, the more they think that they can mistreat women. I prefer, fresh, young, swag.

I was actually a substitute teacher in a local school district for a while, BUT THEN I WAS FIRED, not because i did anything unappropriate, but because I wouldn't teach anything, and I'd just talk to them about my personal and relationship problems. Eventually, I was turned in by these A-HOLE students who would always tell me I'd be single forever. I hardly talked about sex and I always kept it RELATABLE to young people, because I still see myself as some one who is growing up too so I can relate better to younger people than to older people like bosses and boring people.

Jaxon BB! I'm COUNTING THE DAYS til ur 18! Ur gonna be one SWAGNIFICENT boy when u grow up! Ur new name should be 'LIL SWAGGY' or maybe 'Lil Swaggy McSwagSwag!'

Justin Bieber who? #TeamJaxon!

African American Boxer Floyd Mayweather enslaves Justin Bieber, has him carry his belts

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin BB! What r u THINKING attending that boxing game with that BAD, BAD MAN??!?

Floyd Mayweather is a CONVICT and an ASS HOLE, just like my ex. He BEATS and INTIMIDATES his women, which is NOT RIGHT, and I am HAPPY that he is BEING SENT TO THE SLAMMER. If I were John Law, I'd LOCK HIM UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY. All he ever does is BRAG about how much MONEY he has, carrying around stacks and stacks. I honestly wish I had a huge stack of money, but I would put it in a BANK where it BELONGS, and maybe spend some of it on groceries at WalMart. I'd buy the expensive HEALTHY organic stuff for once. Ugh. I need to watch what I eat. I honestly just finished an entire bag of Cheetos, and as I type this, I am gettin CHEETO DUST all inside of my computer.

Justin BB! Don't become like Money Mayweather! He is such a butt hole bad person! I hope that Selena Gomez never suffers from JBieb 'going Chris Brown' on her. She is a princess and an angel and I'm glad she wasn't in harm's way during the Mixed Martial Arts fight. U should NOT be carrying his belts, with are just disgusting trophies of violence. Trust me--my ex used to be in a fighting and drive by shooting gang, resulting in a stray bullet being lodged in my brain right now. If it was 1 millimeter over, I would be DEAD.

What is Justin THINKING to be bronoodling with this FILTHY CONVICT? Boxing Martial Arts is a FILTHY sport and I do NOT support grown men beating eachother up. All I want to do is PROMOTE PEACE and make the world a BETTER PLACE.

Yall are NOT swag, especially u, Little Wayne!


Do nOT become a boxer, and you are NOT SWAG.
As far as I'm concerned, Justin Timberlake is STILL on TOP.

Justin Bieber drives a SWAG, TINY Smart Car!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin BB! I can HARDLEY see u thru that DARK, DARK tint! My exBF actually had tint that wasn't street legal! I borrowed his car once to pick up whole milk from the store, and I was unfortunately pulled over, and arrested due to the 3 lbs of marijuana in the trunk. #asshole

Ur car is TINY! Is that one of those Smart Cars??!? OMG! I could NEVER fit into that lil car. Realistically, I need a van with a wheelchair lift because it is getting awfully difficult to step into a car. My car is an old sloppy jalopy, though. I would LOVE to get a cute, new 2 door sporty Civic!

I hope u and SELENA GOMEZ have enough room in the backseat to have HOT AND STEAMY makeout sessions! I actually lost my virginity in the backseat of a car. IT was depressing because he LITERALLY kicked me out of the car on the side of the highway when we were done. So much 4 cuddling/pillow talk. #sigh

Pick me up in ur swag Smart Car, bb! I think GOING GREEN is TOTALLY #SWAG, bb!

Prius who? #TeamSmartCar
Jonas Brothers who? #teamBieber!

Justin Bieber sounds like a swag wigger in his new song "Boyfriend"!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin Bieber is AMAZING! He is the MOST famous boy on the planet, and is BECOMING A MAN right before our eyes.

I love love LOVE his new song "Boyfriend"! HE sounds JUST like Justin Timberlake... Both of them are the SWAGGEST white people on the planet! I hope that the Beebz turns into an Academy Award winning actor, too!

I am S0 s0 #jeally of Selena Gomez for getting to d8 u! She's lucky to have u, but ALSO lucky because of her DEVELOPED, amazing BOD! I'll bet u MOTORBOAT the EFF out of those cha-chas... but at the same time... u <3 her. I remember my ex used to motorboat me, but then I got all of these sores under the folds of my breasts, and it was really painful and annoying.

He LOOKS like a swag tween bro, but also SOUNDS like a swag wigger! Honestly, that makes me sad though because it reminds me of my ex before he was convicted of stealing vintage Honda Accords to be stripped at chop shops. :-(

Timberlake who? #teamBieber4evr!
I LOVE this song and it is OFFICIALLY my NEW JAM!

Justin Bieber is 18 :-)

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

I just had a lot of wine. I've been thinking of Justin a lot lately. I hope him and Selena are happy, but I can't help but think that my impure thoughts of him are legal bc he is 18.

I hope ur happy Justin. gnite

Justin Bieber walks around HALF-NAKEY! Nice 6-pack, bb!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Beiber BB! Ur such a HAWTIIE!

Why r you walking around in boxers and sweats BB??? oh I forgot, bcause your a HAWTTIE! I am gonna print out this pic and put it on my wall, but i have to go to Walgreens and get a new printer cartradge. Annoying!

WHos that person in the pink robe?? it looks like shes handing you a bowl of Top Ramen!! #yum nothing like walking around shirtless with a yummy treat in ur hand! My personal best for walking around my house naked is 17 seconds! that's when the neighbors saw me threw the window and started screaming. a few days later i got a complaint from the Neighborhood Association. Wonder who sent THAT in... what a jerk.

That was the same neighbor who used to trim the hedges bordering my lawn into inaproppriate body parts. it DID NOT help my property value

JBiebs BB! Why are you stretching so much in all these pix? are your muscles sore BB?? I'll rub them 4 you!!! nvm, you have Selana for that ;)

maybe youre getting ready 2 work out? R u gonna HIT the GYM?? I should come along! I just missed my taebo class for the 4th time in a row, and i paid for it up front! #badmoneymgmt

u look good BB! (and so does that ramen!)

Justin Bieber wins GOLD POPCORN! Yay!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin Bieber is a TALENTED boy who is TURNING INTO A MAN right before our eyes. He is a beautiful singer, dancer, actor, and ICON.

He won an MTV MOON MAN popcorn tub, and honestly, i LOVE LOVE LOVE going to the movies, but concessions are SO EXPENSIVE these days that I started sneaking in my own nachos in a plastic bag. Call me crazy, but I really do love soggy nachos because it means they are EXTRA cheesy. But honestly, it doesn't get much better than movie theatre popcorn. I LOVE LOVE LOVE squirting my own butter on my popcorn and sometimes request an extra sippy cup so I can have a warm butter drink. It is also REALLY important to dump some choco candy into the popcorn, and every time u find 1, it is a TREAT. It's like trail mix but BETTER.

NOTE: i DO eat the trail mix with the M&M's in it. #Yum

Justin looks HOT and FLY and SWAG in his blazer.

When are theatre companies gonna GET IT TOGETHER and lower their prices. Its getting absurd, and I am REALLY close to bringing in my own crock pot and melting my own butter if they dont change soon. I love Whoppers. My exBF used to h8 that he couldn't fingerblast me in a movie, and instead i chowed on grub. Yum!

I hope Justin and Selena are hAPPY 2gether FOREVER.

Timberlake who? #Teambieber

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez canoodle in WalMart! Fun!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

OMG When were yall at Walmart? That place is srsly my joint.

What do I buy there? Ground meat, lean koozines, DVDs, CDs, makeup, big panties, stretchy pants, big Looney toon tshirts, fun board games to play on Girls night out, and even smart snacks like Wheat Thins and Nutella! and bread. and treats. and lil fun size bags of candy. LOVE the day after halloween! #sales

honestly, my ex and i used to get into fights because i did ALL of the grocery shopping. dont get me wrong, i love food (obvi u could tell if u saw me), but when ur bf sits on his LAZY ASS and asks u to go get a 24 pack of beer then gets drunk and makes u drive him to a strip club, do u think u can be happy? Especially when he makes u drive him and a stripper to a local motel and u sit in the car for 15 minutes while he makes love to her? That's NOT a good relaisshionship.

I love justin and selena's relaish cuz they honestly look happy, but with those bangin bods, its just like OBVI. Tell me what yall eat! I need some of that

Let me know when yall go again! Let's meet up in the produce section! I want to start eating more salad. Let's share an iceberger head!

Last time I was in Walmart i ran into an ex and he was buying condoms and i was buying female pleasure lubracation #embarrassed

Bennifer who? #TeamJelena!

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez share Smart Water! I Love water!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

OMG. I looove love love Bottled Water! It tastes WAY BETTER than tap, and even better than my Brita water filter!

It does get pricey, but it is yummy, and it DOES help u to lose weight. That is DEFINATELY how Justin and Selena stay firm, sexi and fit! I wish i had a bf to drive me around honestly.

Lord knows I have tried my share of Get Slim Quick diets. Actually, some of them worked, but one time I took all of these pills and I ended up losing all of my teeth and going to the hospital because I started to just smoke the drug instead of swallowing it. Then I went to rehab, met a boyfriend there, he relapsed, I relapsed, I went to jail for a short time, then I ended up in a relationship with a strong, dykey female in my halfway house. I was just trying to lose weight and my entire life fell apart. #typical-me

I wish smartwater actually made u smarter. I would have dranken it on my third stint at commy college!

I love love love water. Especially in bottles! Usually i just buy Dasani from the machine, but then i am tempted by DIET COKE, my all time fave! #yum

Stay 2gthr 4evr, Jelena!

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez dryhump 1 another in the ocean

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin BB! Selena BB! Get a room!

Well, nevermind, cuz it's actually kinda hot. I havent been with a man in so long. It would be REALLY NICE to have a dry humping session. I honestly haven't been with a man in since I don't know how long. My vagina srsly must have #cobwebs! Honestly, I only get moist in my undies about 4x per year, and it leads me to very dark, dark places alone in my apartment in a dark web of dirty things on the web where I end up feeling alone and crying. Needless to say, it is hard for a man to save me and love me (ask my ex).

Justin and Selena are HAPPY and it is GOOD that they HAVE SEX, jsut as long as they USE PROTECTION. Trust me. If they know ur name as 'Morning Afty' at Walgreens, ur in a dark place (this was years ago).

Happy 4 them! Protection who? Pop out a baby, BBs!

Justin Bieber's zipper is down!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

BB! What r u thinking bb?
why is ur ZIPPER DOWN?

This reminds me of the last time I tried to wear jeans. As yall know, I mainly wear stretchy pants and big baggy jogging pants. This is because last time I wore jeans out to the movies, I bent over to pick up a gummy bear that had rolled out of my xtra buttery popcorn and my jeans literally split open every way possible. Some how, because of the force of the ripping jeans, my panties also tore open, and my pubic hair was WILD. I was never allowed back at that movie theatre, and my ex who at the time was an usher never talked to me again.

Justin! Zip ur pants up, bb! Selena is gonna be MAD JEAL if ur schlong peeps out! Even if it is just the head!

Eff zippers! #TeamStretchyPants #elastic_bands

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez go on a beach d8, have BANGIN BODS!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

GOSH EFFING DAMMIT. Why does my life suck so much compared to Justin and Selena? First of all, I hardly saw any sunlight today because I did a 12 hour shift temp-ing, and my boss basically humiliated me IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE OFFICE because I bent over and my ass looked huge and he made a stupid cow noise, then an elephant noise. No way am I getting hired permanently.

I need health benefits... But more importantly, I NEED better health by HITTING THE GYM. I am srsly wasting my membership. It got kinda awkward because my ex went to the same gym as me, and he'd always hit on this really muscular body building girl. It turns out he made love to her in the gym showers. I found out the hard way, then slipped on some soap, cracked my head open, and was left to die, bleeding from my head until a janitor walked in the next morning and stiched my would closed with some mop strings. Needless to say, it got infected and I am still waiting for it to heal.

Selena and JUSTIN are so FIT, and HAPPY. In my last relationship, both my partner and I gained over 100 lbs together. we were ashamed of one another. Well... I was okay with it bc I Was happy with HIM but he hated me and told me to lose weight but I was like LOOK AT URSELF IN THE MIRROR. He listened to me and went to the gym, but I just got fatter and the rest is history.

Selena is PERFECT and Justin looks SWOLE and hauttie!

JB + SG 4evr! Demi Lovatwho???? #TeamSelena
Macaulay Culkin who??? #TeamJstn

I would LOVE to hit the beach in a 1 piece, but I will prbably just wear a baggy tee and a sun dress.


by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

BB! What award did u win? Best BB EVR??? Probs!

U look REAL GOOD in ur blazer. I used to date a guy who wore blazers. He was the manager of a strip club, and I found out that he was having relationships with the strippers at the club. It was emberessing to be working at KFC and he had the ODDACITY to take one of his girls on a lunch date for a bucket of chicken. ASS HOLE!

IJustin is SO HOT and I hope he and Selena are together forever.... UGH I need a BF.

keep stayin hot, JB!

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber AS KIDS! SO KEUT!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

OMG 9 year old JBeeb and SelGom... They look like HOTTIE BATOOTIES, even as kids!

I remember when I was in kindergarten, I had a bf, and we would mess around on the playground. We'd kiss eachother and he was my neighbor so we'd take baths together and grew up like brothers and sisters. We shared a lot of sensual moments that I can't get into. I honestly thought he was gonna be my soul mate. Eventually, he got too cool for me and I got ugg. I remember in high school, I would wait for the bus every morning and he would drive right past me in his Mustang.

I still fantasize about him.

I honestly wish I found a MAN instead of a BOY at age 9.

selena and Justin 4EVR! #TeamJelena

Justin Bieber meets Japanese earthquake survivors, looks SEXI

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin BB!!!!
U look effing good.

Honestly I feel very bad for the Japanese tsunami people, but at the same time... THEY GOT TO MEET JUSTIN EFFING BIEBER. Honestly sometimes I feel like my apartment was Earthquaked because I get depressed and turn into a slob. Moon pie rappers on the ground. Empty boxes of Nilla wafers. Pudding containers. Skinny Cow ice cream treats. It's a mess.

Honestly I have been a wreck since my exBF. He made me clean my apartment every day. It was crazy. I guess since then, I haven't been a neat freak because cleaning reminds me of him. But I have heard vaccuuming kills like 400 calories so maybe I'll do it.

Justin is a HUMANATARIEN and more importantly, A HAUTTIE

Katrina who? #TeamJapan

Justin Bieber eats fast food!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

I gotta be honest... fast food is my achilles heel...
Every huge sign basically calls my name... "Come and get it, bb!"

And honestly food has been a major comfort to me, especially after breakups. I know it is a cliche... but I truly <3 to eat my feelings. I lovelovelove Jack N the Box.

Justin is LUCKY to be young and eat aNYTHING and not gain any weight. Plus I'll bet his shows are really grueling, so they are like the best workout in the world.

BB! U LOOK GOOD! I hope Selena gets to eat some fast food sometimes, too! <3 <3 <3 Justin2Selena

Justin Bieber to release new electric toothbrushes! I need to HIT THE DENTIST soon...

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

I am SO EXCITED... Justin Bieber is releasing a new tooth brushing and flossing kit... I really need a prettier smile :-D

I haven't been to the dentist in 10 years... I am just afraid of what he is gonna tell me. My teeth are sensitive 2 hot and cold... but they wouldn't be sensitive 2 Justin :-)

Sugar is 4 sure my achilles heel. Marshmallows, moon pies...you name it, i effing <3 it. It honestly has gotten me through some of the WORST moments of my life. I feel really bad bcuz i feel like my dentist h8s me. He is so0ooooo kewt, HANDSOME, and SUCCESSFUL and i really would do nething 2 make him happi but i just cant help but follow my <3 and my tummi! He is the closest I have been to a successful, honrable man in 20 years. #storyofmylife

i need to floss...

Justin is an antrapranure, and an INNOVATIVE artist who helps YOUNG PPL...
I hope him and Selena are HAPPY...

Sometimes when I am alone... I use my electric toothbrush to do something that I'm not very proud of... but a woman has needs...

Needless to say, I will be FIRST IN LINE at Walgreens 4 this EXCLUSIVE MERCH OPPORTUNITY, and I will buy an extra set 2 sell on ebay in 30 years....

Hit the gym??? I need to HIT THE DENTIST (And have a physical + be tested for diabetes)

INCRIMINATING PHOTO: Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber had a baby???

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin? Selena? Sixtween and pregnant, BBs?

U NEVER told me. This actually reminds me of the time my exBFF and my exBF had a baby, and they didn't invite me to the Baby shower... it was emberrsing because I actually wanted to be the baby's God mother, but now I can only see his picture on facebook because they made it their default pic even though the blocked me.

Selena and Justin are HAPPY together and that is WHAT IS IMPORTANT. They have enough money to raise a child, which is important. After my pregnancy scare 4 years ago, I had NO idea where I would find money to buy diapers, and even thought I would have to use cloth...

They LOOK GOOD and Selena is gonna make a GREAT MOTHER.

The bb looks good, bb!

Justin Bieber SHIRTLESS and SEXI on the Beach!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin Bieber LOOKS GOOD on the beach showing off his SEXY AS HELL, BUFF BODY...

I would LOVE to hit the beach, but I can't even fit into my 1-piece and my tankini, so there is NO WAY I could ever canoodle with Justin BB on the beach. Last time I went to the beach I forgot to wear sunscreen and I looked like a TOMATOE. It was #horrible #aloe_vera...

Justin looks BUFF and SEXI and if I saw him on the beach I would DIE from overheating from his HOTNESS

U r a GOD, and u LOOK GOOD, Justin BB <3 <3 <3

Timberlake who? #TeamBelieber!

Justin Bieber plays soccer, shows off his abs, nips, and undies! #in_heaven

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

Justin BB! I never knew u were an athlete, too!

U LOOK GOOD, bb <3 <3 <3 <3 #understatement

I used to have a HUGE crush on the soccer guys at my high school, and I would sit in the bleachers and watch them practice, but then they started to make fun of me and call me stuff like "Peeping Tom" and it was SUPER embarassing. #realstories

Anyways, I LOVE Justin's lil black undies. Where can I buy some like that :-)
His abs are FIRM and his nipples look GOOD. I am #totally_in_heaven right now!

Maybe he should become a soccer player. Football who? #Team_soccer

Justin BB looks S0000 effing good. Gotta get back to work. Boss calling brb later.

Justin Bieber sags his pants like a gang member! Get a belt, bb!

by the UlTiMaTe LaMeStReAmER!!!

BB! Pull ur pants up! Ur gonna be associated with hiphop gang violence if u don't straighten up!

Justin does LOOK GOOD, though... <3

I once dated a gangmember who was in a gang, and it was really tough on our relationship due to his duties. Plus they put him thru SO MUCH SHIT to be initiated. He had to do a driveby, steal purses from old ladies, and they even beat him up. He had to sleep with other women, which he said was because of the gang, but I didn't believe him. Anyways, we didn't break up, because he actually went to jail and will be in there for the next 20 years... Part of me wonders if I am supposed to wait for him, or if I can live my life? #ugh #Ineed2letgo

Justin's shoes look good! Check out this zippers! I don't even have zippers on my pants any more... Just elastic bands #sad_But_true

Bb pull ur pants up! (But u do have a nice lil a$$) <3 <3 <3
I would LOVE to spend 7 minutes in heaven with him, but I am HAPPY for him and Selena... Let's hope he isn't killed in Gang Violence like Biggie Shakur #EastCoast #WestCoast

Buy a belt, bb! I can pick you 1 up at Old Navy if u send me ur address :-)

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