Lana Del Rey
Sometimes I feel like a slave 2 the content
a true piggybacker
knowing that I will only have 1 moment 2 shine
This is it.
It is my right as an internet user
2 share my own vision on a topic that is #trending
adding cultural commentary
because I exist at the intersection of culture and culture
I am a content creator
Sometimes I feel like the star of the most interesting, comical, enlightening viral video of all time
called 'Shit That I Say'
I will share this link with my friends
they will give me kind feedback on it
Most of them will simply 'LIKE' it to avoid having to actually comment on it
Because I make them cringe, not just because I am legitimately 'not funny'
but because I am just 'trying so goddamned hard'
I am a hipster basher
I am an LDR basher
I am a ____ basher
Bashy McBashBashing is the Purest Art Form
On the internet, no1 is a spectator
We are all living, breathing, creating culture
Providing valuable cultural commentary
Which will exist in the cloud until #SOPA2: The Legend of Meme Gold
Capitalizing on tricky titles and manipulated search rank
in order to get 'mad views' from confused tweens who are Google infants
Sometimes I wonder
if we are all in an eternal youtube video
'Shit Ppl Who are Trying 2 Go Viral Say'
that first video was kinda funny
if u r in2
Street Fighter 2 humor #Ryu #Blanka
Were any of these videos 'funnie' or were they all 'effing terrible'?
I have a blog called HIPSTER RUNOFF. Every day, I wake up, open my laptop, and type words that are stored in the internet as ‘content.’ My goal is to ‘get as many hits’ as possible because I metaphorically ‘have mouths to feed.’ I realize that at this point, it doesn’t matter if my content is ‘premium’, pseudo-brilliantly written web_prose or just ‘link-bait-wave,’ I was fortunate enough to not have gotten lost in the ‘long tail’ of indie music + Gen-Y-opinion-driven coverage blogs. Every day, I prey upon different buzz topics, exploiting my voice, but more importantly, my position as a ‘recognized outlet 4 buzz’ to try to trick people into thinking I am ‘relevant’, which basically just means that I am trying to make ppl talk abt my blog and get them addicted to my web brand even if they hate it because even when they are like ‘OMG THAT’S TOTAL BULLSHIT’ it is just some sort of post-grassroots-h8-wave-warketing.
My goal as a website is to ‘be the ass hole who pointlessly interjects himself into the conversation’ without being as overtly annoying as ‘the ass hole who always pointless interjects himself into the conversation.’
Lana Del Rey is the perfect buzz topic, and I’ll never forget the times we shared in late 2k11 and early 2k12. I honestly do wish the best for her career, not because I have a rooting interest in her/care about her as a person, but because Lana Del Rey is an important search term to refer viewers to my website.
Sometimes I wonder, when it’s all said and done, and the internet is deleted, will I only be remembered as “The Guy Who Invented Chillwave?”
It feels like Lana Del Rey was sent down from the buzz heavens, God’s way to save us from the well-documented buzz drought that has plagued us since early 2k10. Some blamed the buzzbands for not putting out solid mp3s. They said that there were not enough buzzworthy bands 2 authentically buzz and that buzz was being misappropriated unfairly due to blogosphere favors and the fear of hurting the feelings of legacy, past-their-prime buzzbands. In the post-LDR bubble burst world, we are finally able to see what caused the buzz drought: it was the bloggers, the writers, the content farmers, and the implosion of the sub-prime buzzing crisis that has been the expanding crack in the foundation the indie blogging and content farming infrastructure since as far back as 2k8.5.
LanaBB officially redefined the core competencies of the ‘indie blogosphere.’
We used to be tastemakers. We used to be regulators. We used to be trustworthy. We used to be a valuable resource. Lana made it okay for us to post magazine covers. Lana Del Rey was pretty enough to post even the most irrelevant performance video. For the first time, Lana Del Rey took indie blogs over ‘the edge’, and made it okay for us to speculate about her physical appearance, which is way more interesting than trying to figure out if her artistic ambitions are ‘relevant’/pure. Basically, Lana Del Rey finally marginalized ‘the decently-enough-thought-out opinion piece’ into a worthless meme that any one could poop out.
#LDRSNL marked another maturation/retardation milestone for ‘online indie journalism’, bringing the indie blogosphere from a humble place that posted MP3s with generally positive/neutral commentary, and flung us right into the generalist meme-blurb content farm spotlight. We scrambled like enslaved content farmers, minutes after the performance to preserve our Google rank with a perfectly placed headline. We were ready to chew up and spit out memes, finally ‘graduating to the big leagues’ with a ‘big boy meme’, not just some other over-written ‘spotlight’ on a group of poor dudes from Brooklyn who were ToTtaLLY wErTh ChEcKiNg OuT and/or the typical ‘no one cares--what happened to REAL music?’ reaction pieces to said buzzband.
Buzz experts truly believe that Lana Del Rey is the last artist/band that the network of indie blog buzz will have a role in ‘hyping.’ The happy days of the AnCo 2k9 buzzosphere are long gone, and we all cannot just get along. After Lana Del Rey, we live in a hypeless world where we trust no outlet, now that we have finally seen the hype apocalypse because the LDR snake-eating-its-own-tail cycle has finally ended, and the sum is “-0” [via undefined]. Readers who once thought that they were reading organic, farm-grown content will feel misled, angry, and betrayed by the warped context of blogs.
I’ll admit that as a blog, I am obsessed, and probably over-estimate the impact of ‘modern web media’ on ‘reality.’ But it seems like LDR was a blogosphere ‘passion project’ that we incubated, and got to ‘tear down’ for the sake of generating, controlling, and commenting our own content. We enjoyed it, sorta like while u r stroking ur peen, but then u finally ‘effing blow’, and you are not sure whether you should admit ‘how good’ it felt. After #LDRSNL, no one is sure who has control of the #LDR meme any more. It was her viking meme funeral, even if she goes on to achieve mad sales in Europe/decent sales in America.
“Where r u Lizzy Grant? R u okay? I swear, I care about you. Blogs r mean. :-(”
-some blog with female readers
LDR should probably make other alt famous humans and upcoming buzz humans incredibly nervous, because the silent agreement of ‘pandering’ to indie celebs is over. The concept Indie celebrity may or may not exist, but a successful blog now must realize that the way indie blogs ‘baby’ the ‘alt famous’ in order to preserve relationships can no longer exist. Mudslinging will be beneficial to both parties. Maybe after LDR, it will no longer be a good idea to be ‘an anonymous’ project because then dumb blogs will just use Google to construct an unfair narrative for you.
I think the most interesting/most-covered story to come out of the #LDRSNL tank job was the ‘widely read and covered’ story about the guy who invented Gawker and revolutionized modern content farming, Nick Denton, publishing a private email from famous NBC newsanchor Brian Williams for the sake of ‘winning hits’ and introducing the Gawker web-brand to non-readers. In the email, NBC Nightly news anchor Brian Wiliams basically just says LDR is a disgrace, but I guess it is ‘interesting’ because he works for NBC, or something. His commentary on ‘her’ as a ‘person’ is as arbitrary & worthless as yours or mine, but the keyword synergy behind the story is ‘so money’ and it ‘doesn’t even know it’, except Gawker’s genius content farm editor has a sixth sense for virality that most crappy bloggers will never have. A.J. Daulerio will always be remembered as one of the Founding Fathers of Modern Content Farming.
As I struggle to deal with my own periodic content farm existential crises, I wish I could have just invented Gawker. We could’ve had it all. Rolling in the deep pool of unique visitors.
In no way is the ‘conversion of blogs to content farms’ and ‘the secret corporate nature of indie blogs’ a fresh, relevant, or innovative ‘take’. I am just trying to share my view from inside the meme prison with you. Lana Del Rey and I are on this content farm together sort of like we are the last and only two humans left on Earth. We hate eachother, but at the same time we need eachother to stay alive. There will never be any sort of cathartic epiphany where we admit wrong-doing, nor will there ever be a genuine reconciliation. We will never have what feels like a ‘real’ relationship with Lana Del Rey.
Where does ‘the modern media’s relationship’ with Lana Del Rey go from here?
Unfortunately for indie bloggers, it is back to posting dumb MP3s and serving as a well-crafted PR blast for bands that every1 already knows about. As ‘writers’/people who publish text to webpages on the internet, can we be so sure that another meme comet like Lana Del Rey will come again in our lifetime? Will we sit on our porch, every day looking up at the sky, wondering if another Lana will come by... Or this this our final chance to ‘commit suicide’ with other members of our stupid cult in an effort to be transported into the buzz spaceship that is trailing in the tail of the comet [via Heaven’s Gate/Marshall Applewhite vibes]?
Why do we keep going?
Why do we keep farming in the name of blogging in the name of writing?
In the name of authentic music journalism? What more in the name of authentic music journalism.
-Bono [via U2]
Online publishing is ‘relatively new’ [via long-term historical contexts]. I guess this is just a natural part of the maturation process of the beloved idea of the indie blogosphere. But who even wants to be a part of indie blog farming any more?
Even the most ‘talented’ people who ‘write things on the internet that are actually worth reading’ and/or are reduced to farm fodder. Every character of a writer, blog, or content farm’s 140 character or less tweet is cringe-worthy, 100% worth resenting. Part of me feels ‘confused’ as to why any one would even want to ‘be a music writer’, or write about bands/humans/music on the internet. It takes a warped personality to believe that any one ‘gives a damn about what you and ur crappy website’ thinks, unless you are being paid handsomely for it, then you can sort of approach it like a desk job. It will dehumanize you every day, but at least it pays the bills.
Who is ‘actually passionate’ about ‘how they feel about Lana Del Rey’? It doesn’t matter if you are writing an ‘IN DEFENSE OF LANA DEL REY’ or if you are writing a hilarious and/or insightful web culture + societal takedown piece that accurately deconstructs #LDRgate with an original angle. We all have the same motive. Can 1 voice really shift an entire conversation? What the eff do u think ur gonna tastemake? Do u think u can really make another LDR? Those days are gone, child. We’ve peaked. It’s over. The machine’s broken. Somebody call the Geek Squad.
I am on the edge. I no longer believe in blog evolution. I no longer believe in buzz creationism. I am a believer in buzz intelligent design.
It is interesting to think that there is a generation who even finds these memes to be ‘interesting’ enough to think that they want to be a part of the indiesphere discussion. Do they think the can ‘save’ it by showing us cool, new bands? Do they think they can save us from the content farming doom? Do they think that they can reverse the impact of social media on the speedy, link-baiting nature of all websites, designed to ‘get a good jump on’ SEO?
The indie blogosphere is over the hill. Our opinions are old, tired, uninspired. The next generation will follow our lead, continuing to turn things into poo, inspired by the biased outlook on indie celebrity and relevance that we portrayed to them for years. There is nothing worth saving. Everything is COMPLETELY EFFED, but it will keep going, and we will keep writing that it is COMPLETELY EFFED, but no1 really cares and there isn’t really anything to fix so I guess maybe we should act like it is a beautiful indie film and find ‘happiness and peace’ with that truth.
It is all just sort of just ‘funnie’ but also ‘sad.’ Are the dreams in which Lana Del Rey is dying on the stage of SNL = the best we’ve ever had?
Lana Del Rey saw it coming. We all saw it coming.
In the post-LDR blogging era, I feel free to openly admit that I don’t care about honoring ‘bands that sound good’. The opinions that I have on bands are not actually my own, and my goal is not to preserve a relationship with readers or bands/artists based on editorial pandering. All I can do is ‘go down in flames’ with my sweet, Princess LanaBB. My demented online personality that motivates me to type these words in order to accumulate hits, empathy, praise, and controversy does not have much time left.
Wag The Blog.
Cultural criticism on the internet is dying because we finally realized that the voices behind blogs, twitter feeds, and authentic writing outlets are as fat, bored, uninspired, and jealous as the fat, bored, uninspired, and jealous voices that we thought we had escaped from.
I am not a writer. I am not a blogger. I am a content farmer. These words mean more to the Google robot than they do 2 u. There is nothing exciting about writing, tweeting, or sharing opinions. I do not want to inspire any one to follow me into this dark prison, surrounded by a pile of memes, while I must sort thru them and spin them as ‘meaningful’, ‘interesting’, or whatever else will generate a pageview.
Lana & Me had it all. I’ll look back and think about what I could have done differently. But I'll also think about how beautiful our effed up relationship was and how it some how 'just worked.'
To music and indie purists, Lizzy Grant is the AntiChrist.
To indie modernists and loveslaves of internet content, Lana Del Rey is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Having said that, Lana Del Rey hit a GRAND SLAM on SNL. U did it, BB! I am proud of u. U took 1 for ‘the team’, and now we’re all gonna go to Pizza Hut after the game to celebrate. C U THERE. Let’s share a pitcher of Pepsi. We deserve it. We worked hard.
Is Lana Del Rey indie’s ‘Rebecca Black moment’?
Is LDR ‘not even a big deal’?
Do all buzz humans die?
What’s ur fave content farm?
What’s the future of indie blogosphere?
Do u generally feel ‘who cares’ abt it all?
Do u mainly load webpages ‘out of habit’ not rlly because the site emotionally resonates with u?
If u thought LDR album cycle #1 was fun, are you PUMPED for album cycle #2 in 2-3 years?
Does LDR 'have it all' or 'have nothing'?
Do u <3 LDR for emancipating us from being farm slaves?
Can the farm become self-ware [via skynet]?
Where is Lana Del Rey right now?
Set to the tune of Garth Brooks' "The Dance"
Looking back on the memory of
The Lana Del Rey meme harvest we shared on all the content farms
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye?
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
U could have missed the pain, cyberbullying and slutshaming
But I'd of had to miss the great Lana Del Rey meme harvest
Memeing you, I memed everything
For a moment, wasn't I the king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know... I might have changed it all...
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go [via SNL]
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the Lana Del Rey meme harvest
Yes my bloglife is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the Great Lana Del Rey meme harvest
Luv u Lana. Mean it. <3 :-*
In order to adapt to changing editorial demands, we will be transitioning this site to become a dedicated Lana Del Rey content farm and news+gossip outlet blog. This means all Lana, all the time. After last weekend's SNL performance [link to complete analysis], it is clear that Lana Del Rey is a human meme that will be around for a long time, generating mad hits eternally, and we would like to be at the forefront of Del-Rey-related hits by establishing our site as the 'Go-To destination' for all things LDR.
Welcome to a new era.
Welcome the The Lana Del Report.
Lana Del Rey is 2k11's #1 human meme, widely regarded as indie's #1 whore maven who is using her voice, but more importantly, her body in order to turn heads and get all eyes on her. Her new video "Born To Die" is meme fuel that could start any meme fire, complete with tigers, blood, nudity, an alt dude with a face tat, murder, rape, barely legal sex, and a tiger-on-human beastiality sex scene. I'm not sure if all of those are actually in there, but u have to assume that Lana Del Rey would do anything 4 the hits.
The video starts with some sort of metaphor abt America and how in the future, we will all be impregnated by dudes with face tats and our babies will come out with face tats pre-loaded on their head [via Punnett Squares].
Then we learn that Lana Del Rey actually isn't human. She lives in some sort of virtual cathedral with fake tigers.
We learn that she is 'going steady' with face tat bro. She is wearing a frilly jacket and some super HOT cut off shorts that showcase one of her best assets: the #1 a$$ in indie?
Sweet Sassy Molassy! What a bod!
She makes me feel like I'm living a teenage dream... [via getting fingerbanged in public places]
I wonder if Lana Del Rey will eventually have fresh flowers surgically applied 2 her skull.
In one of the most emotional moments of the video, she pleads with her boyfriend to 'stop playing yooo VEEEHDEEOOHHHHGHAAAMESSS.'
Lana Del Rey is attempting to break free from mainstream 'bitches who have a quirky voice' by singing about adult themes, such as sex, drugs, and dudes with face tattoos fingerbanging you in the vicinity of your parents' car.
Of course, Lana Del Rey is so obsessed with 'creating the meme' even if it doesn't have an artistic link to her content. This means that the face tat dude eventually holds a bloodied, dead Lana Del Rey.
I guess they had to 'rip off' the gore of the M.I.A. ginger genocide video in order to fully execute 'sex + violence'.
Did this video 'rip off' Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream"?
The video seems like a less ambitious iteration of this 'relationship lives and dies while driving in a car' video.
Does Lana Del Rey have our attn?
Does she have it 4 the right/wrong reasons?
Does she look BANGIN in the video?
Were we all born 2 die?
Is this the greatest music video of the year?
Is she the greatest artist evr?
R u hornie 4 Lana?
Did u lose ur virginity in/on a car
What piece of her do u want? [via fried chicken metaphors]
Last week, the Lana Del Rey 'controversy'/'conspiracy' gave internet blogs tons of hits [link]. We discovered her dark past as a normal human named "Elizabeth Lizzie Grant." She also played her 'first show.' While she will probably go in2 dormancy while the Wizard of Oz-like record label execs decide what her next move should be, it doesn't mean we can't stop milking her meme.
WHAT SHOULD LANA DEL REY'S NICKNAME BE?
a) Worst Coast
b) Lips McGee
d) DSL BB
e) Collagen Waver
f) The Artist Formerly Unknown as Lizzy Grant
g) The Bride of Interscope
h) LDR Soundsystem
i) DSL Soundsystem
j) Lipsy Grant
k) The Heidi Montag of Indie
l) Indie Montag
m) Unchillana del Rey
n) The Rebecca Black of Indie
o) The Lil Mainstreamer Who Could [via Record Industry $$$]
p) Lana Del Fake
q) Fake Del Rey
r) Lana Del Keyser Söze
s) iMovie video editor
t) Flower in her Hair BB
u) Big Lips McGee
v) Dr. 90210 [via Brooklyn area code adjustment]
w) Leave Lana Alone!
x) Lizzie Del Rey Grant Lana
y) I Lana Go Home! I didn't sign up 4 this! I just want to sing, now my lips are all jacked and mean indie blogs talk abt me all the time, critiquing me for the worst reasons. Even if this is helping my career [via hypeballing], I am not sure if this is really what I wanted. :-(
z) Lizzie Grant was also the name of some character on Entourage who Ari 'effed over'
aa) LN DL RY
bb) LAN PARTY DEL ETHERNET
cc) The Lipster Grifter
What should her OFFICIAL nickname be?
Oh Lizzie... I miss the real U...
Lana Del Ray might be the most buzzworthy new artist of 2k11 so far. I have seen her product/image getting buzzed, and it seems like 'all of the right mainstream and alt forces' are getting behind it, and she is destined to become the next 'leading lady of indie.' Her songs seem alright, like she has a good voice. Her music videos execute a 'modern lofi sample-based' aesthetic, but more importantly remind us that 'she is kinda hot.'
I feel like she has way more upside than Lykke Li because a) she is an American AND b) she is more 'directly pretty.' (Sometimes u get scared that Lykke Li/Robyn will turn into a monster if they are under the wrong lighting). That's what I love about new female in artists (mainstream OR indie)... we accept them based on their looks. The male blogosphere wants Lana Del Ray to succeed because she is 'hot.' She will show off her thick lips, curvy body, voluminou hair. She will sing in her 'swaggy white girl' voice. She will make music videos that trick ppl into thinking that she is 'cool.' One day we will be in the VIP area of a music festival with her, and tweet abt how 'SHE IS SO MUCH PRETTIER IN PERSON.'
I enjoy new female artists because it allows us 2 ask the question: "Do female artists like Lana Del Rey succeed based on 'talent' or are 'looks' more important than we would like to admit, even in our beloved indiesphere?"
I am not sure what her record label situation is, but I would guess she will go with the 'indie major' which is probably 'the right choice' as Cults proved. Her album will be plastered all over ads on blogs. Bros will put her songs on meaningful mix CDs for their girls, just so that girls can 'think they are deep' while they hear a comforting female voice.
Every rising artist needs a gimmick that every music journalist will ask her about for the duration of their album cycle. DID U KNOW LANA DEL REY LIVED IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER?
Pitchfork: Your dad is a successful domain investor, but I read that you were living in a trailer park a few years ago. Do you fetishize that trailer park lifestyle?
LDR: My dad is an entrepreneur and an innovator. Being an entrepreneur doesn't make you a rich tycoon and being an innovator doesn't mean that you're successful. It just means that you’re interesting. No one cares that I lived in a park-- Dad loves trailers and is getting one in the Everglades. My first record label gave me a small check and I moved into a park near Manhattan. It's not something I cared to even share but people keep asking me about it. My songs are cinematic so they seem to reference a glamorous era or fetishize certain lifestyles, but that's not my aim. I'm not trying to create an image or a persona. I’m just singing because that’s what I know how to do.
Create an image 4 us, bb! Ur music isn't THAT important 2 us... Believe!
I am really excited to read tons of interviews that ask her about her white trash/trailer trash lifestyle LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.
Do u vibe 2 her music and videos? Is she getting 'too much buzz'? Will she break the 9.0 barrier on her first album? Is she just a 'pretty face' in front of a talented producer?
I think there are a lot of females in indie who are way less appealing to look at AND don't have a voice that is theoretically as 'good' as hers, so I guess she deserves 2 'be in the club.' With all female artists, we want them to sing girly songs. I think that Lana Del Ray might be the 'great female hope' in indie, to try to reclaim the glory that Feist has lost.
If you haven't heard of Lana Del Rey, YOU WILL SOON because we are convinced that this gorgeous crooner is going to be everywhere ASAP, like basically by the time this post is published. ZOMG she is so important. Anyway, this self-proclaimed "gangster Nancy Sinatra" embodies the best of strong, sculpted eyebrows, bump-its + hairsprayed tonsorial PERFECTION, and we can SO vividly picture her swanning out of a beautiful Hollywood Hills house with a kidney bean-shaped swimming pool in an ultramarine nylon mini shift and white patent leather go-go boots.
AND a big-ass dookie rope chain and gold hoops. She is also, obviously, drinking something out of a martini glass. She describes her sound as "Hollywood Pop/Sad Core" and uuuuuuum #sadcore is VERY up our alley. The enormously satisfying juxtaposition of old-school glamour plus inexplicably morose contemporary images in her music video plus super-duper prettiness is completely blowing our minds.
We can't get enough of her video for "Video Games" because not only are our ears oh so happy with her Florence meets Cat Power meets A Fine Frenzy melodies, but we also really need more retro off-the-shoulder sweaters in our lives and closets. Thankfully, we're positive that this isn't the last we've seen of Lana. And PRAISE BE, because her style strikes such a unique and perfect balance between classic beauty and refreshingly unexpected (do you have EYEBALLS? Are you SEEING that top made COMPLETELY of roses/carnations/I'm not a horticulturist???) that is just so ready for its place in the sun. Now run along and entertain yourselves for a while with the video below while we go dig up some hot rollers and lip venom. Swooooooooooooooooon.
i LOVE LOVE LOVE beautiful women in buzzbands!
I just wanna meet her in VIP, get lost in her eyes/lips/curves...
What a sweetie! I <3 @pitchforkmedia, 2!
Best case scenario, she 'livens up' the female indie scene, talks shit about other bands, gets other females in indie 'mad jealous' of her. Girls h8 when they are no longer the 'pretty new girl.' Then Lana BB will go on to 'cross over', becoming richer than 99% of females in buzzbands, and 'never looks back' on the crappy world of female buzzsingers who h8 her so much. The blogosphere can continue to like her for too long based on the 'WE CREATED HER AND WE ARE NOT LETTING HER GO' theory.
Is she the new perfect alt female aesthetic?
"I can't wait to hang this poster in my room!" -a girl / hornie bro who reads too many indie blogs
Has she catapulted to the 'top of the indie female charts', even above Feist?
Should she just start releasing bikini photos instead of mp3s?
Is Lana Del Rey's music vaguely meaningful enough to appeal to women?
Are all female solo artists in music just 'manufactured' and 'marketed based on their looks'?
Will every male blogger in the world overvalue her, just based on her looks?
Is she destined to become the next female indie music + fashion icon?
Is she way better than Lykke Li / St Vincent already?
Is Lana Del Rey the 'final nail in the coffin' for St. Vincent's career?
Has she surpassed Alice Glass / Vicki LeGrand / Maddie Follin levels?
Is her gimmick 'fresh', 'stale' or 'whatever'?
How do u feel abt the forces that create a buzzband?
Does it seem 'fair and balanced' or 'arbitrary' and 'based on random bullshit'?
Is Lana Del Rey TOTALLY HOT?
Oh Lana BB... No 1 has put a spell like this on me since Regine...
R u on #TeamLana, or r u a #LanaH8R?
"Go play ur video games, bb..."
-a lamestreamer on Facebook trying to be 'deep', 'singing' lyrics from her fave new female artist
Lana BB! Is that u @ Target? (I call it Tar-gzay bc it is much fancier than WalMart).
I think that Target is right by my apartment! I actually used to work there. Well, I actually just wore a red shirt and walked around helping ppl because I thought if I did a good enough job, they would hire me. It is very hard to get a job when you are arrested bc ur stupid exBF turned ur apartment into a meth lab. It honestly stays on your record what feels like FOREVER (30 years).
I love shopping at Target, except it is a lil bit pricey 4 me. It honestly sucks to shop at WalMart, but at least they make good clothes for great big Fatty McFatFats like me. Most of their clothes come with a very COMFY and FUNCTIONAL elastic waistband. It honestly helps me be more #active and #fit.
The truth is, no 1 will EVER love me when I'm no longer young and beautaful because I never really was beautaful when I was young. I honestly think I have an undiagnosed thyroid problem that allows me to retain lots of water weight. It makes me sad 2 think that I was born 2 die, tho. <3 #ThankULana
BBy! I need a fan too! I live in an apt without air conditioner. My landlord said he would get me a window unit, but he is a LIAR. I honestly sweat me ASS OFF, but at the same time, I think it helps me loose weight. In a way, my house is sorta like a #sauna. #VIP #jetsetter #rich #famous #fancie
But I srsly have a question 4 u. Do u know what I'm supposed 2 do if I have SUMMERTIME SADNESS all year long? #Depressed
U look good LDR BB! Gaga who? #teamlana
Kitty Perry who? #TeamLDR I'm gonna hear U roar, LanaBB!
Let's meetup at Target sometime. They have Pizza Hut there. #yum
Lana Del Rey is a popular singer who rose from the internet some time in 2011. She's sold millions of records, made billions of dollars, and toured the finest venues in the world. But could that stop her from TANKING at Lollapalooza? Miss Dell Ray found herself TANKING as hard as one could possibly tank for all of the Midwestern independent Music Fans who had made their annual pilgrimage to Grant Park in downtown Chicago, IL.
Sporting an 'abuela muumuu', popular in Hispanic communities, Del Rey never found the passion, spirit, wisdom, or prowess of an abuela. The singer was once considered a fashion icon.
Internet critics all over the internet are #cyberbullying the performance, inspiring a wave of 'think pieces' about gender, music, society, and the breakdown of the music industry.
Del Rey, 29, struggled to find her voice on stage. The crowd of rabid fans often outsung her, and continued to yell, "Lana" at her, despite her real name being "Elizabeth Grant." It was a dark day for Lollapalooza. The Chicago based festival hadn't seen a tanking this huge since failed rapper Donald Glover's tragic performance in 2011.
Del Rey even brought out the classic "Video Games." Unfortunately, fans wished they were instead at home actually playing their XBOX360 instead of being at a music festival. Do u wish u were there 2 sing with #LDR?
The only people with summertime sadness at the festival were people who had to see Lana Del Rey.
Most fans wanted to RIDE away from the festival after hearing so many lamestreamers singing Lana Del Rey songs.
An old bystander at the festival saw her headband and yelled, "Get off the stage, hippie." The same man went on to explain that Barrack Obama was 'not his President.'
It's a sad day for Lollapalooza and fans of music everywhere.
Did Lana Del Rey TANK?
Did u go 2 Lollypaleezee?
Do u wish u were there 2 sing with "Lana BB"?
Were 2 many ppl singing?
Is Lollapalooza some sort of 'cultural arts fair' for Midwestern ppl?
Remember these days/these cultural memes?
I remember it like it was yesterday. Lana Del Rey went on Saturday Night Live and TANKED. It was a huge meme, and every1 acted like it was 'the end of the world' and people pretended that their opinion on the TANKING mattered. Now, the blogosphere has been desperate to 'create' another Lana Del Rey, even though it can't really happen bc any1 who sounds/looks relatively buzzworthy is picked up by a label/PR firm that can't organically manufacture 'internet controversy.'
Now Lana Del Rey is rich, mainstream famous (not just blog famous) and tons of ghey/tolerant tweens everywhere love her. I didn't really watch this song, I just assume that she is still as bad as her first SNL performance where she was all nervous and didn't even sing well and had no confidence. Maybe she turned it around, but I am not really 'connected' enough to even know any more.
I guess she tanked, but at the end of the day, maybe we can learn a lot from LDR... just ride, yall... just ride.
Did Lana TANK again?
Is LDR 'over'?
Is LDR 'just beginning'?
Do u miss the glory days of the Lana Del Report?
Did LDR ruin internet music culture bc she was a meme that shined 2 bright?
Do u JUST RIDE?
Lana Del Rey's new 10 minute video is for the anthemic song "Ride", a tribute to the spirit of America... which according to Lana Del Rey is getting slammed in a series of seedy bars and motel rooms by old, gross men who see her as nothing more than a slam pig. The song is beautiful, but in a way, maybe it is because it is giving old, disgusting, white, gross whore-buying men hope that even when they are old, they can find a young, troubled girl to 'give it 2' without any restraints or limitations.
You have to give Lana Del Rey props for executing a magnificent artistic vision... even if that vision is only about getting fondled by a series of old, gross men.
She lives by the motto 'Ride'. And ride she does... (a series of gross old men).
She is a lost soul, nomadic, searching for love and feelings anywhere... even if those love and feelings enter her while she is bent over a pinball machine by a man who hasn't bathed in ~6 days.
She understands the creative Willy Lomans of the world, giving us hope that one day, we will find happiness.
I'll never forget the first time an older man had his way with me in a motel room.
Ride. Just Ride.
Ew! Gross! Get Ryan Gosling in here or something! I feel like I have to take a bath after watching this video, like the sweat, grime and semen of old, gross biker dudes is all over me and inside of me. Gross! Take that American flag off, Lana BB! Grosssss. Ughhh.
Has Lana created a new American masterpiece?
R u grossed out?
Do u want to take a bath?
R u tired of her aesthetics?
Does she still sing like Betty Boop?
Is LDR 'better than Lady Gaga, Katy Perry and Rihanna'?
R u going to morph into a gross, fat biker dude so that you can make LDR fall in love with u?
Did LDR just take a 'huge shit' all over the spirit of America?
Lana BB! IS that u? i can hardely recognize u behind those beautiful curls!
They honestly remind me of curly fries, which happened to be my ABSOLUTE favorite type of french fries, except for the lil thin tiny ones that are really good too! I love when they are SEASONED and then u can dip them in a mayo + katsup mixture. It is honestly yummy in my tummy. What kind of shampoo do u use? I HAVE to know. I bought this one for 99 cents and it is good but it dries my hair out and it is falling out but I can't tell if it is because of my horrible diet and overall health. :-(
OMG! R u on a ride with a motorcycle man for your upcoming video for "Ride"? I wanna go on a ride!
I actually used to ride on the back of my exBF's motorcycle. One time he got in an accident and we slid on our sides for over 1 mile. It took off the entire side layer of my skin, and even shaved off some bone. Now one of my arms is shorter than the other. #Emberressing
LANA BB! I wanna ride with u! Is that ur sister CHUCK? She looks SEXI, too! Share ur diet tips, bb!
Lady Gaga who? #TeamLanaBB
Straight Hair who? #TeamCurls!
My hair is gross, nappy and frizzy. I DEFANATELY need to go to Super Cuts soon to get something done!
Lana Del Rey will sell anything. That' s why she's the greatest artist of all time: She knows how to ALWAYS BE CLOSING [DEALS]. So far, she's sold handbags, cars, crunchy taco shells, children's books, coffee, Vitamin Water Powerade Punch Mountain Dew, and even life insurance. In this new ad, she is 'selling shit for Jaguar.' I wonder if she was paid in money or just Jaguar cars.
Unfortunately, she looks as tacky as one of those spoiled skanks on 'My Super Sweet 16.' Similarly, she had a rich daddie who probably spoiled her too.
Not sure if I'm gonna buy a Jaggyooar.
Here she is performing some crappy b-side that she probably sold to them for 7 figures. They have money to waste, props 2 Lana for making them give it 2 her.
R u gonna buy a Jag?
Are Jags for 'Eurotrash' ppl?
Is Lana Del Rey 'effing annoying'?
Does she have any brand Loyalty, or is she just trying to steal as much $$$$$ as possible?
Should she be ashamed of herself, or is she #BANKING?
Lana BB! I've been missing u. Sometimes I listen to 'born to die' and realize that I was in fact born 2 die because every time I go to the doctor, he basically makes me feel like shit and like I'm going to die real soon.
U look SO GOOD BB! I wanna go buy some H&M but they probably don't sell 'plus sized' looks, but maybe I can get some XXXL t-shirts from the men's section on clearance. Did u dye ur hair urself? Last time I tried, all of my hair actually DETERIORATED INSTANTLY and FELL OUT.
I honestly need a makeover. I wanna embrace my darkside. After so much loss, failure, and dead end relationships there is NOTHING I am happy about. I mean honestly, when you buy a box of oreos and they are the only thing that you can look forward to is eating them for dinner. Then u take the Oreos into bed with u, and u eat them, and then u get crums in ur bed and it is hard 2 fall asleep, then u fall asleep with the Oreos on ur bed and ur ROLL OVER THEM AND SMUSH THEM.
Good thing I have an AMAZING cookies n creme rice krispie treat recapie.
I NEED to go DARK, just like Lana BB. Ur SO #GOTH. I wanna start shopping at Hot Topic too! #GOTH_HQ
Carly Rae Jepwho? #TeamLDR
Light hair who? #TeamDarkHair
I wouldn't wipe my own ass with the finest wardrobe from H&M.
They hired Lana Del Rey to be their 'model/muse/spokeswoman' just because she is guaranteed to get blog coverage, so all of the PR/marketing people whose only job it is to hand millions of dollars to celebrities just wanted to make sure they didn't 'screw it up', even though it doesn't matter and we will buy imported rags sewn in sweatshops from one brand or another. Let's just focus on the beauty of Lana on the ad, instead of the corrupt industry that creates 'fashion' aka 'crap u will give away in 5 years because u gained 2 much weight and used to have horrible taste.' The commercial apparently just rips off David Lynch, but I'm not one of those college kids who thinks they are 'so deep' because they got high and watched the entire Twin Peaks series on NETFLIX WATCH INSTANTLY.
Blah Blah Blah. Lana Del Rey. Buy H&M. Use it as toilet paper if u want, but it might make ur anus bloody because it will fall apart like single ply toilet paper that they give to prisoners.
Does LDR look good in this ad?
Is she just 'collecting a paycheck'?
Should she have held out for a better brand?
Do u shop at H&M?
Is H&M 'the new Express' [via tacky]?
Was this a HUGE BRAND WIN for H&M or is LDR's meme over?
Oh Lana BB...
I remember when u were just some dumb lady
embedded on Gorilla Vs Bear
But look at u now
U've been churned thru the fame cycle
like the goo of schlop that u always wanted to be
at the end of the day
I guess all that matters it that u LOOK GOOD, bb!
I wish I could milk ur teet
Fill my body with creamy goodness
All of the buzz that will take me 2 such great heights.
I want to watch u
finger ur vagine
right by the window
Voyeur wave hardon
I guess at the end of the day
maybe we were all kissed by a rose
Does Lana Del Rey have a BANGIN BOD?
Will she ever 'go full frontal'?
R u waiting to see her nips / vagina?
Do u <3 Lana 4 'going naked'?
Does she need 2 go 'more naked'?
Does she have a bush or is she a smooth lil bb?
R u gonna J.O. 2 this?
Oh Chuck Grant...
I feel like u might be the 1 for me.
Ur pure, real, authentic
U just do u
And I like that abt u...
I watch the "National Anthem" Video by LDR and keep looking for u
Ur my Easter Egg
I would search 4evr for just a glance of u
U have the name of a boy!
I like that though.
I like ur photography.
I spend all day looking at it, browsing ur prsnl tumblr
asking u question after question
consuming ur content
I think ur content is beautiful.
Be MY Girl, Chuck.
I live 4 Chuck
A natural beauty
Come film me, bb..
bring ur digicam
ur vintage cam
Is that a Canon or Nikon?
Kewl that's my fave 1, too
We have so much in common
I see u in the background, bb...
Chuck Grant is my new muse.
It's Chuck, It's Chuck,
It's ALL for Chuck
Lana Del Rey is one of the only interesting people to come out of the indie game, which is why she makes 'bat shit insane' videos, and eventually went mainstream because no1 cares about smellie druggies in bands from Brooklyn, and don't mind looking at a premium BB doing her thing, being artsy fartsy, and executing a creative vision with a major label budget.
HAVING SAID THAT, Lana Del Rey is still 'effing insane' in the way she executes basic middle school cliched ideas that could only really ever appeal to dumb ppl. Her video for "National Anthem" is this whole vintage John F. Kennedy + Jackie O tribute piece. She plays into the cliche of singing "Happy Birthday Mr. President" in a Bettie Boop voice at the beginning, then prances around like Then she wears tons of 'Jackie O esque' fashions and does WASPy shit for the whole video, while she begs for adoration in the form of verbal and material reaffirmation.
A$AP Rocky is all like, "Yeah nigga, I be on those white women, gettin my JFK on, swaggin on that creaming Jackie O pussie." They created even halfie children.
A$AP Rocky seems desperate 2 appeal 2 white ass honky people, and white women who have a the swag strand of jungle fever. Not sure if this is good or bad for his status in the hip hop game.
At least we know he is an A$$ MAN, which is consistent with racial stereotypes.
From now on, he should just be referred to as 'video boy' for appearing as a 'dummie hunk' in a music video.
For some reason, there is a LanaDelReyian allusion to the assassination of JFK, which is probably some election year commentary on how "Some1 should assassinate black Presidents." It is is a real shame that she stooped so low. At the same time, she really shoulda had more BRAINS in this video. Every1 knows that JFK's brains ended up all over Jackie O's dress on that dark day in Dallas TX.
Personally, I never got a hard on for Jackie O. Maybe it's because she once had brains on her lap, and I'll never be able to not think about that, even if she was spread eagle. Plus she totally dressed how all those 'try 2 hard' vintage bitches dress now.
Anyways, great video, great song, if you like songs about how much one white woman loves to be penetrated by black men, being rich, having hot interracial sex, creating 'Oreo children', and connects 'the hip hop lifestyle' to the 'honky ass life of luxury.'
Tell me I'm ur natty anthem bb!
How bout u tell me I'm ur swag black husband with a 19 inch python ready to swag in2 u!
Is LDR pro-Mitt Romney?
Does she want to 'do away' with any President of color by any means necessary?
Is she 'the Lee Harvey Oswald' of Indie?
Do u <3 this video?
Is this song 'good'?
Is Lana Del Rey just sticking to her gimmicks?
Should she stick 2 her gimmicks?
Is A$AP Rocky 'swag as fuck'?
Does she want to kill black/colored Presidents and politicians, returning to a world where whites rule everything around us?
Do they have beautiful halfie children?
Was there a 'casting call' asking for 'light skinned and halfie children'?
At the end of the day, does Lana Del Rey look good bb?
Jackie O who? #TeamLDR!
Lana BB! How the EFF did u get SO BANGIN? It's not fair... She's got it all. Money, fame, rivieras, the perfect voice...
UGH! There's a huge lips on ur shirt! I'll bet a lot of HOT guys kiss u. I can't even remember the last time some1 kissed me. It makes me rlly, rlly, rlly sad. I like kissing people because it reminds me of eating an ice cream cone. U just kinda lick and suck and bite. It is SUPER hot. It reminds me of eating a brisket sammy, too. #BBQ
Ur belly button is the PERFECT size! Not too bit, not too small. Not too innie, not too outtie! Mine is an outtie, and sometimes people tell me it looks like a lil peen hangin' off my belly. UGH. I HAVE to get cosmetic surgery, but I've been told I need to lose weight before teh operation or else I could die on the operating table like Kanye's mom. #RIP #DONDA
Ur shirt is cute! I gotta make 1 just like it! Maybe for next time I go to a music festival at my local ShrimpFest! #Shrimp4evr! Keep doin' u, gurle!
Fiona Crapple who? #TeamLDR!
Lana BB! I didn't know u wr friends with Tara Reid! I have been a HUGE fan of hers since she dated Carson Daly!
I miss the OLD, FAT, MAINSTREAM Carson Daly on MTV! He was THE BEST at intro-ing music videos, then he got all skinny and I couldn't relate to him any more because he gave me hope that a plus sized person could one day find happiness, fame, and a BEAUTAFUL girlfriend like Tara Reid!
Tara BB is a SURVIVOR for #overcoming her plastic surgery failures.
Honestly I think her saggy tummy looks good. I wish mine looked like that. Well, it kinda does, with weird fat deposits, sores from folds in my body, and even more unidentified marks that I need to get checked out when I have medical insurance again.
I hope Lana NEVER goes under the knife because she has PERFECT, NATURAL beauty and DOES NOT need 2 change.
I hope Lana finds a man like Carson Daly one day soon. She deserves a nice, HEALTHY, THICK man like him.
Why don't yall call me up and we can go shopping! I love ur crop top, Lana BB!
K g2g leaving the public library computer.
Jennifer Love WHO-WHAT? #TeamTaraReid!
Lana BB! Say it ain't so! I can see ur knickers*! Good thing u were wearing panties and didn't have a vagine lip slip!
(* = knickers is the English word for 'underwear' in England)
Ur panties honestly looks KEUT and LACEY. I'll bet u REALLY know how to get a man excited in the bed room. Unfortunately, I can only afford huge, uggo granny panties from WalMart. In my past relationship, I tried to 'spice things up' in the bedroom to reawaken our physical relationship. However, it just resulted in tons of ripped lacey materials because my thick body ripped apart all of the sexy, sheer Victoria's Secret underpants.
It sucks because my exBFF gave me a Vicki's Secret gift certificate and I can't even use it!
Don't bend over, Lana BB! Even though ur butt is perfect and we've already seen ur tight lil bare a$$, u should SAVE IT for some1 special. Trust me. As some1 who lost her virginity in the back of a Geo Metro in the parking lot of a Baskin Robbins... u should always VALUE ur body and not USE IT in any sort of sex trade. #dontask
Oh Lana. Maybe after I hit the gym we can go panty shopping! I wanna get something functional, sporty, and keut!
Ur a legend, bb! Act like it! Don't be a #slutwaver
Larry Gaga who? #TeamLanaBB
Lana BB! U didn't tell me u had a sister! Her name is Chuck Grant? That sounds like a boys name!
You and Chuck look AMAZING together, bb! TOTAL chemistry by 2 hotties that came from the same peen and womb! I wish I had a sister. She could share ALL SORTS of ADVICE and TIPS on growing up in this crazy world. We could talk about our parents, and how they impacted us and they were mean but they loved us at the same time. My sis would meet me at the airport, give me a big hug, and then take me to the food court to get a soft pretzel! #yum
We could get ready together, share makeup, perfume, panties, bras, and even if I was running low on tampons I could ask u for 1 instead of having to shove napkins and straws up my hoo-haw, eventually leading to a very, very serious UTI that leaves me bedridden for the better part of 2 months.
Yall look keut! I wish I had a sister so I could finally get good advice on guys instead of d8ing the same ol' BUTT HOLES.
Call me up sometime! Should I get ur number (Lana) or should I just go thru Chuck? I just got a bundle of 100 text messages for the month, so we should be good 2 go! Let's all go out for a healthy #wrap! I just learned that bread is bad4 u, but #wraps are #good!
I love Chuck!
Jamie Lynn Spears who? #TeamChuck [don't get preggers if ur not ready, bb!]
Britt Spears who? #TeamLDR
Shame on Lana Del Rey.
Shame on her new hair.
Shame on her inauthenticity.
Shame on her 'using' indie.
Shame on her.
Shame on her for making her fans cry.
Shame on her for ruining my life.
Shame on her for her role in the buzz apocalypse.
Shame on her for bursting the buzz bubble.
Shame on her.
Shame on me...
Do u feel sad 4 this tween 4 crying bc he is scared of her?
Did this bro grow a moustache just to be like Lana Del Rey?
Lana Del Rey is a singer. She tricked the entire high-end indie & 'culture' blogs into thinking that she was a relevant topic worth formulating an opinion on, then when she was mediocre on SNL, every1 pretended that she 'tanked' just to make a big deal abt it. Anyways, we are defs at the LDR exhaust point. No1 really cares abt her, but we have to keep blogging abt the crap that she does due to Fear Of Missing Out syndrome or something. She's like an old friend from high school that we don't want to forget abt so that maybe one day you can get drunk when ur 'adults', talk about the way things used to be, then have short, passionate sex with them, and then u can finally 'call it quits' and unfriend them on Facebook.
Her song "Blue Jeans" is one of her best. Which is why some expresso maker purchased it to play in the background of their commercial. R u gonna buy Nespresso now bc of #LDR's involvement?
Blah Blah Blah. LDR. Cappychino. Commentary on selling out. Mad bank. Monetization.
Is expresso 4 d-bags?
R u gonna buy this thing?
Should she have licensed 'Blue Jeans' 2 'the Gap' or will they wait ~15 years for the song to be 'vintage'?
Is Daft Punk Playing at my TGIFridays? [via LCD Soundsystems]
Lana Del Rey apparently has a gimmick that ppl were trying to exploit for years. In 2009, she used her fake personality to star in some KEDS at, being all like "I love wearing KEDS at Coney Island." Props to KEDS for this MASSIVE score, now they have the rights to LDR's image, and they can get more buzz for their brand, trying to overtake Converse as the chill loafer tennis shoes vibe for chill shoe people.
In the video, Lana Del Rey does and says Lana Del Rey ass shit, being all like "I am inspired by vintage shit" and "I love beautiful things", basically beta testing her brand before it hit a timely niche and major label record labels were able to finally exploit her as a golden buzz cow. There are so many surgery rumors buzzing around abt her appearance, u have to assume that this might be the indie equivalent of footage of Michael Jackson when he was 'still black.'
Here she is stuffing cotton candy in her mouth bc it is vintage and nostalgic for an era where everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.
And as we learned this weekend, for Keds – the no-nonsense All-American sneaker brand you probably last wore as a kid. In 2009, the brand reinvented itself by inviting up-and-coming creative talents to design a shoe for them. Grant was one of the lucky ones, though we're just now getting to see footage from the partnership.
In the promo, Grant appears chipper, amiable, and unfettered by impending controversy. She is portrayed as a bottle blonde in the iconic Coney Island amusement park, a place she cites among her favorite people-watching places. "I write about what I know," she says, as she preens in a sundress, peachy Keds and heart-shaped sunglasses while one of her early, jazzier tracks plays in the background. She compares her writing methods to Francis Ford Coppola's, referencing his famous advice, "If you sit down to write at the same time every day, the muse always knows where you are." Though the ad is about indulging in summer kicks, it's also an accidental pop artifact. You can almost see the Del Rey persona forming in front of your eyes. "I just want to do something I can be the best at," she says candidly, while she grins and munches on cotton candy.
Do u wear KEDS?
Are KEDS 'back'?
Do the KEDS gimmick belong to Alexis Krauss?
R u gonna vibe on KEDS now?
Should LDR 'sue the eff' out of KEDS?
Does she look different?
Is this pre-op LDR?
Do u think the Converse team that has been trying so hard to break into the alt shoe segment is PISSED at this development bc they missed out on the buzz?
Should we all just go pllllayyyy arrr veeehhdedeeooohhooyyooggghhaayymmmmesss?
Lana Del Rey is the #1 bb in the game right now! Her voice is like a time machine to the past and she is a true FASHION MUSE!
I was reading gossip rags, and they said u had a MOUSTACHE! I honestly do NOT believe u should wax ur upperlip if u don't want to. I know that Zooey Deschanel has a SEXI, BLEACHED upperlip with hair that is as soft as the hair that coats a hairy baby's bottom. It makes sense that Lana has a moustache. She has the BIGGEST, BESTEST LIPS in the world, and what better way to #ACCESSORIZE them with a lil bit of hair! Haterz pay ur bills, bb!
Can u see some hair?
I am honestly afraid to get ANY part of my body waxed. One time I went to get my HOO-HAW waxed, and they LITERALLY tore off my clitoris. I had to pay for thousands of dollars of repairs just to feel a minimal amount of pleasure, but sometimes I feel like my ex was just never able to make me 'finish.' Unfortunately, it was 'cosmetic' surgery, so my effing insurance DID NOT cover it. I swear, my new clitoris should be returned under LEMON LAWS.
Do NOT let the gossip rags get 2 u, bb! H8rz pay ur bills!
U r pushing the boundries of GENDER ROLLS, bb! Speaking of rolls, I love putting butter on rolls!
Slice bread who? #TeamRolls
U have the BEST moustache in the game, bb!
Larry Gaga who? #TeamLDR
Lana BB! U look so diff with ur new hair color!
I rlly need to go to WalMart and buy a box of dye, but last time I tried to do that, I ended up with a bald head because it all burned off my head. #Embarressing. Needless to say, my Ex called me 'Mr. Clean', and insisted that I cleaned the entire apartment. Not gonna lie, the apartment looked impeccable, but it was hard for us to stay intimate.
It's funny because he ALSO played Video Games, which is why I love Lana Dal Ray. She understands the COMMON WOMAN who has a deadbeat bf who only plays video games and hates the shit out of u and makes u clean the apartment while he talks on his video game headset more than he even talks to u in a day. I guess what I am trying to say is that I LOVE LOVE LOVe the new, EDGY, DARK look, but u'd look prettie no matter what. I can't say the same for myself. :-(
Larry Gaga who? #TeamLDR!
From what I understand, The Voice is some reality TV singing show that features Christina Agulieria eating turkey legs on stage while her tits are popping out of her skanky top. While XTina might call this 'every day', The Voice is actually a popular franchise with another version in the United Kingdom. As we all know, people from the UK have terrible taste in music, overhyping buzzbands and buzz humans on the regs.
Lana Del Rey went on The Voice, and sang "Blue Jeans." Something seems 'off' about the performance. Maybe it's because she sent a robot version of herself to do the performance. Maybe some lipdubbing / lipsynching or something. Maybe it's a little bit of everything, as the LDR conspiracy continues, and every1 tries to pull the wool over our eyes.
Are we watching a robot?
Really boring. The only good thing that came out of this meme is learning that Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas is a 'coach' on The Voice UK. I wonder if he just autotunes the eff out of his 'students.'
Does Will.i.am being a coach on the Voice prove that the UK has horrible taste in music?
Is LDR a robot?
Has her record company constructed a robot to send to perform instead of sending the real LDR?
Did the robot tank?
What signs are there in the video that this is a robot LDR?
Do u wish u had a robot LDR personal assistant/maid/butler robot? [via the Future]
Lana Del Rey is an international sensation, which basically means America h8s her, but every where else in the world <3s her. I guess that's chill, but she is probably going to miss out on premium chain restaurants in other parts of the world. She went on some random ass Spanish TV show called " Buenas noches y Buenafuente" that looks like the Mad TV of Spain. But maybe it just means other parts of the world are 'really stupid' and haven't culturally evolved, which is why the jam an English song in between dumb skits that were written for 10 year olds and old abuelas with dementia.
I didn't actually watch this video, because let's face it--we've heard this song hundreds of times, and analyzed many performances of it ever since she tanked on SNL. I just saw some dudes talking in Spanish, and figured she must have sung it in Spanish or something.
I hope she didn't sing it in Spanish, because then the song changes meaning. U can assume that she is singing to her 'lazy Mexican BF who only wants to play Grand Theft Auto/Halo/Mario Paint for SNES.'
Do u want to voy a jugar sus video juegos?
Do u <3 Lana En Espanol?
Is Lana Del Rey the #1 international sensation of all time?
Can she top Menudo?
Should she cover 'La Vida Loca'?
should she be the next American Idol judge?
Do u wish they had more TV shows like this in America, or do they already?
Remember when Lana Del Rey was property of the indie blogosphere? She made some 'totally vintage looking video' for that blahblah song "Video Games", and she basically gave everyone a thift store boner. Then, with most attractive looking thrift store clothes, she was sold at a markup price under the term 'vintage.'
In this new video for "Carmen", it is clear that Lana Del Rey is sorta 'out of ideas', so she just went back to her bread and butter: shitty looking videos where she looks hot, and there are a bunch of vintage clips + other crappy footage recorded with a vintage camera. There is some little alt twink guy that she is fawning over, and just a bunch of other random ass shots that say nothing except, "Look at me, bitches! I rode this formula to the mountain top and I am rich now!"
U gotta give her props 4 tricking every1, especially those initial hype blogs that 'thought she was for real.' God Bless Her.
As of today, LDR's "Video Games" has over 13 million views.
Is the video for "Carmen" totally new and original?
Do u <3 LDR?
R u over this aesthetic?
Does LDR have anything left to prove/accomplish?
Can LDR win a Grammy?
Can she win a VMA?
Should she have shown off her bangin bod?
Lana BB! Is that u? I HARDLEY recognize u!
Honestly, I've always believed that ur were TALENTED AND BEAUTAFUL. It was never in question for me. However, all the INDIE HATERS always try to POOP on ur good name. I wanna go 2 ur concert! I hope u open for Larry Gaga at the Monster Ball Mash!
But that kinda DOES NOT look like u. It looks like a FAKE version of u or something. Maybe u got 2 famous and had 2 hire a body double. I honestly feel SCARED looking at this person, like I am looking at a clown or muppet. It makes sense for security reasons. U HAD to hire a lookalike because the papajohnsrazzi was RUINING ur life.
Oh Lana. U don't necessarily look good, bb, bc it doesn't look like u, but I guess u still do look kinda good.
I am not very photogenic, so I know how this feels. Every time I look at a picture of myself, I feel ashamed and embarassed that thats' me. :-( My ex NEVER wanted to take pix with me. #ASSHOLE
Fiona Crapple who? #TeamLanaDelRey!