Sometimes I feel like a slave 2 the content
a true piggybacker
knowing that I will only have 1 moment 2 shine
This is it.
It is my right as an internet user
2 share my own vision on a topic that is #trending
adding cultural commentary
because I exist at the intersection of culture and culture
I am a content creator
Sometimes I feel like the star of the most interesting, comical, enlightening viral video of all time
called 'Shit That I Say'
I will share this link with my friends
they will give me kind feedback on it
Most of them will simply 'LIKE' it to avoid having to actually comment on it
Because I make them cringe, not just because I am legitimately 'not funny'
but because I am just 'trying so goddamned hard'
I am a hipster basher
I am an LDR basher
I am a ____ basher
Bashy McBashBashing is the Purest Art Form
On the internet, no1 is a spectator
We are all living, breathing, creating culture
Providing valuable cultural commentary
Which will exist in the cloud until #SOPA2: The Legend of Meme Gold
Capitalizing on tricky titles and manipulated search rank
in order to get 'mad views' from confused tweens who are Google infants
Sometimes I wonder
if we are all in an eternal youtube video
entitled
'Shit Ppl Who are Trying 2 Go Viral Say'
But srsly
that first video was kinda funny
if u r in2
Street Fighter 2 humor #Ryu #Blanka
Were any of these videos 'funnie' or were they all 'effing terrible'?
I have a blog called HIPSTER RUNOFF. Every day, I wake up, open my laptop, and type words that are stored in the internet as ‘content.’ My goal is to ‘get as many hits’ as possible because I metaphorically ‘have mouths to feed.’ I realize that at this point, it doesn’t matter if my content is ‘premium’, pseudo-brilliantly written web_prose or just ‘link-bait-wave,’ I was fortunate enough to not have gotten lost in the ‘long tail’ of indie music + Gen-Y-opinion-driven coverage blogs. Every day, I prey upon different buzz topics, exploiting my voice, but more importantly, my position as a ‘recognized outlet 4 buzz’ to try to trick people into thinking I am ‘relevant’, which basically just means that I am trying to make ppl talk abt my blog and get them addicted to my web brand even if they hate it because even when they are like ‘OMG THAT’S TOTAL BULLSHIT’ it is just some sort of post-grassroots-h8-wave-warketing.
My goal as a website is to ‘be the ass hole who pointlessly interjects himself into the conversation’ without being as overtly annoying as ‘the ass hole who always pointless interjects himself into the conversation.’
Lana Del Rey is the perfect buzz topic, and I’ll never forget the times we shared in late 2k11 and early 2k12. I honestly do wish the best for her career, not because I have a rooting interest in her/care about her as a person, but because Lana Del Rey is an important search term to refer viewers to my website.
Sometimes I wonder, when it’s all said and done, and the internet is deleted, will I only be remembered as “The Guy Who Invented Chillwave?”
It feels like Lana Del Rey was sent down from the buzz heavens, God’s way to save us from the well-documented buzz drought that has plagued us since early 2k10. Some blamed the buzzbands for not putting out solid mp3s. They said that there were not enough buzzworthy bands 2 authentically buzz and that buzz was being misappropriated unfairly due to blogosphere favors and the fear of hurting the feelings of legacy, past-their-prime buzzbands. In the post-LDR bubble burst world, we are finally able to see what caused the buzz drought: it was the bloggers, the writers, the content farmers, and the implosion of the sub-prime buzzing crisis that has been the expanding crack in the foundation the indie blogging and content farming infrastructure since as far back as 2k8.5.
LanaBB officially redefined the core competencies of the ‘indie blogosphere.’
We used to be tastemakers. We used to be regulators. We used to be trustworthy. We used to be a valuable resource. Lana made it okay for us to post magazine covers. Lana Del Rey was pretty enough to post even the most irrelevant performance video. For the first time, Lana Del Rey took indie blogs over ‘the edge’, and made it okay for us to speculate about her physical appearance, which is way more interesting than trying to figure out if her artistic ambitions are ‘relevant’/pure. Basically, Lana Del Rey finally marginalized ‘the decently-enough-thought-out opinion piece’ into a worthless meme that any one could poop out.
#LDRSNL marked another maturation/retardation milestone for ‘online indie journalism’, bringing the indie blogosphere from a humble place that posted MP3s with generally positive/neutral commentary, and flung us right into the generalist meme-blurb content farm spotlight. We scrambled like enslaved content farmers, minutes after the performance to preserve our Google rank with a perfectly placed headline. We were ready to chew up and spit out memes, finally ‘graduating to the big leagues’ with a ‘big boy meme’, not just some other over-written ‘spotlight’ on a group of poor dudes from Brooklyn who were ToTtaLLY wErTh ChEcKiNg OuT and/or the typical ‘no one cares--what happened to REAL music?’ reaction pieces to said buzzband.
Buzz experts truly believe that Lana Del Rey is the last artist/band that the network of indie blog buzz will have a role in ‘hyping.’ The happy days of the AnCo 2k9 buzzosphere are long gone, and we all cannot just get along. After Lana Del Rey, we live in a hypeless world where we trust no outlet, now that we have finally seen the hype apocalypse because the LDR snake-eating-its-own-tail cycle has finally ended, and the sum is “-0” [via undefined]. Readers who once thought that they were reading organic, farm-grown content will feel misled, angry, and betrayed by the warped context of blogs.
I’ll admit that as a blog, I am obsessed, and probably over-estimate the impact of ‘modern web media’ on ‘reality.’ But it seems like LDR was a blogosphere ‘passion project’ that we incubated, and got to ‘tear down’ for the sake of generating, controlling, and commenting our own content. We enjoyed it, sorta like while u r stroking ur peen, but then u finally ‘effing blow’, and you are not sure whether you should admit ‘how good’ it felt. After #LDRSNL, no one is sure who has control of the #LDR meme any more. It was her viking meme funeral, even if she goes on to achieve mad sales in Europe/decent sales in America.
“Where r u Lizzy Grant? R u okay? I swear, I care about you. Blogs r mean. :-(”
-some blog with female readers
LDR should probably make other alt famous humans and upcoming buzz humans incredibly nervous, because the silent agreement of ‘pandering’ to indie celebs is over. The concept Indie celebrity may or may not exist, but a successful blog now must realize that the way indie blogs ‘baby’ the ‘alt famous’ in order to preserve relationships can no longer exist. Mudslinging will be beneficial to both parties. Maybe after LDR, it will no longer be a good idea to be ‘an anonymous’ project because then dumb blogs will just use Google to construct an unfair narrative for you.
I think the most interesting/most-covered story to come out of the #LDRSNL tank job was the ‘widely read and covered’ story about the guy who invented Gawker and revolutionized modern content farming, Nick Denton, publishing a private email from famous NBC newsanchor Brian Williams for the sake of ‘winning hits’ and introducing the Gawker web-brand to non-readers. In the email, NBC Nightly news anchor Brian Wiliams basically just says LDR is a disgrace, but I guess it is ‘interesting’ because he works for NBC, or something. His commentary on ‘her’ as a ‘person’ is as arbitrary & worthless as yours or mine, but the keyword synergy behind the story is ‘so money’ and it ‘doesn’t even know it’, except Gawker’s genius content farm editor has a sixth sense for virality that most crappy bloggers will never have. A.J. Daulerio will always be remembered as one of the Founding Fathers of Modern Content Farming.
As I struggle to deal with my own periodic content farm existential crises, I wish I could have just invented Gawker. We could’ve had it all. Rolling in the deep pool of unique visitors.
In no way is the ‘conversion of blogs to content farms’ and ‘the secret corporate nature of indie blogs’ a fresh, relevant, or innovative ‘take’. I am just trying to share my view from inside the meme prison with you. Lana Del Rey and I are on this content farm together sort of like we are the last and only two humans left on Earth. We hate eachother, but at the same time we need eachother to stay alive. There will never be any sort of cathartic epiphany where we admit wrong-doing, nor will there ever be a genuine reconciliation. We will never have what feels like a ‘real’ relationship with Lana Del Rey.
Where does ‘the modern media’s relationship’ with Lana Del Rey go from here?
Unfortunately for indie bloggers, it is back to posting dumb MP3s and serving as a well-crafted PR blast for bands that every1 already knows about. As ‘writers’/people who publish text to webpages on the internet, can we be so sure that another meme comet like Lana Del Rey will come again in our lifetime? Will we sit on our porch, every day looking up at the sky, wondering if another Lana will come by... Or this this our final chance to ‘commit suicide’ with other members of our stupid cult in an effort to be transported into the buzz spaceship that is trailing in the tail of the comet [via Heaven’s Gate/Marshall Applewhite vibes]?
Why do we keep going?
Why do we keep farming in the name of blogging in the name of writing?
In the name of authentic music journalism? What more in the name of authentic music journalism.
-Bono [via U2]
Online publishing is ‘relatively new’ [via long-term historical contexts]. I guess this is just a natural part of the maturation process of the beloved idea of the indie blogosphere. But who even wants to be a part of indie blog farming any more?
Even the most ‘talented’ people who ‘write things on the internet that are actually worth reading’ and/or are reduced to farm fodder. Every character of a writer, blog, or content farm’s 140 character or less tweet is cringe-worthy, 100% worth resenting. Part of me feels ‘confused’ as to why any one would even want to ‘be a music writer’, or write about bands/humans/music on the internet. It takes a warped personality to believe that any one ‘gives a damn about what you and ur crappy website’ thinks, unless you are being paid handsomely for it, then you can sort of approach it like a desk job. It will dehumanize you every day, but at least it pays the bills.
Who is ‘actually passionate’ about ‘how they feel about Lana Del Rey’? It doesn’t matter if you are writing an ‘IN DEFENSE OF LANA DEL REY’ or if you are writing a hilarious and/or insightful web culture + societal takedown piece that accurately deconstructs #LDRgate with an original angle. We all have the same motive. Can 1 voice really shift an entire conversation? What the eff do u think ur gonna tastemake? Do u think u can really make another LDR? Those days are gone, child. We’ve peaked. It’s over. The machine’s broken. Somebody call the Geek Squad.
I am on the edge. I no longer believe in blog evolution. I no longer believe in buzz creationism. I am a believer in buzz intelligent design.
It is interesting to think that there is a generation who even finds these memes to be ‘interesting’ enough to think that they want to be a part of the indiesphere discussion. Do they think the can ‘save’ it by showing us cool, new bands? Do they think they can save us from the content farming doom? Do they think that they can reverse the impact of social media on the speedy, link-baiting nature of all websites, designed to ‘get a good jump on’ SEO?
The indie blogosphere is over the hill. Our opinions are old, tired, uninspired. The next generation will follow our lead, continuing to turn things into poo, inspired by the biased outlook on indie celebrity and relevance that we portrayed to them for years. There is nothing worth saving. Everything is COMPLETELY EFFED, but it will keep going, and we will keep writing that it is COMPLETELY EFFED, but no1 really cares and there isn’t really anything to fix so I guess maybe we should act like it is a beautiful indie film and find ‘happiness and peace’ with that truth.
It is all just sort of just ‘funnie’ but also ‘sad.’ Are the dreams in which Lana Del Rey is dying on the stage of SNL = the best we’ve ever had?
In the post-LDR blogging era, I feel free to openly admit that I don’t care about honoring ‘bands that sound good’. The opinions that I have on bands are not actually my own, and my goal is not to preserve a relationship with readers or bands/artists based on editorial pandering. All I can do is ‘go down in flames’ with my sweet, Princess LanaBB. My demented online personality that motivates me to type these words in order to accumulate hits, empathy, praise, and controversy does not have much time left.
Wag The Blog.
Cultural criticism on the internet is dying because we finally realized that the voices behind blogs, twitter feeds, and authentic writing outlets are as fat, bored, uninspired, and jealous as the fat, bored, uninspired, and jealous voices that we thought we had escaped from.
I am not a writer. I am not a blogger. I am a content farmer. These words mean more to the Google robot than they do 2 u. There is nothing exciting about writing, tweeting, or sharing opinions. I do not want to inspire any one to follow me into this dark prison, surrounded by a pile of memes, while I must sort thru them and spin them as ‘meaningful’, ‘interesting’, or whatever else will generate a pageview.
Lana & Me had it all. I’ll look back and think about what I could have done differently. But I'll also think about how beautiful our effed up relationship was and how it some how 'just worked.'
To music and indie purists, Lizzy Grant is the AntiChrist.
To indie modernists and loveslaves of internet content, Lana Del Rey is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Having said that, Lana Del Rey hit a GRAND SLAM on SNL. U did it, BB! I am proud of u. U took 1 for ‘the team’, and now we’re all gonna go to Pizza Hut after the game to celebrate. C U THERE. Let’s share a pitcher of Pepsi. We deserve it. We worked hard.
Is Lana Del Rey indie’s ‘Rebecca Black moment’?
Is LDR ‘not even a big deal’?
Do all buzz humans die?
What’s ur fave content farm?
What’s the future of indie blogosphere?
Do u generally feel ‘who cares’ abt it all?
Do u mainly load webpages ‘out of habit’ not rlly because the site emotionally resonates with u?
If u thought LDR album cycle #1 was fun, are you PUMPED for album cycle #2 in 2-3 years?
Does LDR 'have it all' or 'have nothing'?
Do u <3 LDR for emancipating us from being farm slaves?
Can the farm become self-ware [via skynet]?
Where is Lana Del Rey right now?
Looking back on the memory of
The Lana Del Rey meme harvest we shared on all the content farms
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye?
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
U could have missed the pain, cyberbullying and slutshaming
But I'd of had to miss the great Lana Del Rey meme harvest
Memeing you, I memed everything
For a moment, wasn't I the king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know... I might have changed it all...
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go [via SNL]
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the Lana Del Rey meme harvest
Yes my bloglife is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the Great Lana Del Rey meme harvest
In order to adapt to changing editorial demands, we will be transitioning this site to become a dedicated Lana Del Rey content farm and news+gossip outlet blog. This means all Lana, all the time. After last weekend's SNL performance [link to complete analysis], it is clear that Lana Del Rey is a human meme that will be around for a long time, generating mad hits eternally, and we would like to be at the forefront of Del-Rey-related hits by establishing our site as the 'Go-To destination' for all things LDR.
Welcome to a new era.
Welcome the The Lana Del Report.
Lana Del Rey is 2k11's #1 human meme, widely regarded as indie's #1 whore maven who is using her voice, but more importantly, her body in order to turn heads and get all eyes on her. Her new video "Born To Die" is meme fuel that could start any meme fire, complete with tigers, blood, nudity, an alt dude with a face tat, murder, rape, barely legal sex, and a tiger-on-human beastiality sex scene. I'm not sure if all of those are actually in there, but u have to assume that Lana Del Rey would do anything 4 the hits.
The video starts with some sort of metaphor abt America and how in the future, we will all be impregnated by dudes with face tats and our babies will come out with face tats pre-loaded on their head [via Punnett Squares].
Then we learn that Lana Del Rey actually isn't human. She lives in some sort of virtual cathedral with fake tigers.
We learn that she is 'going steady' with face tat bro. She is wearing a frilly jacket and some super HOT cut off shorts that showcase one of her best assets: the #1 a$$ in indie?
Sweet Sassy Molassy! What a bod!
She makes me feel like I'm living a teenage dream... [via getting fingerbanged in public places]
I wonder if Lana Del Rey will eventually have fresh flowers surgically applied 2 her skull.
In one of the most emotional moments of the video, she pleads with her boyfriend to 'stop playing yooo VEEEHDEEOOHHHHGHAAAMESSS.'
Lana Del Rey is attempting to break free from mainstream 'bitches who have a quirky voice' by singing about adult themes, such as sex, drugs, and dudes with face tattoos fingerbanging you in the vicinity of your parents' car.
Of course, Lana Del Rey is so obsessed with 'creating the meme' even if it doesn't have an artistic link to her content. This means that the face tat dude eventually holds a bloodied, dead Lana Del Rey.
I guess they had to 'rip off' the gore of the M.I.A. ginger genocide video in order to fully execute 'sex + violence'.
Did this video 'rip off' Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream"?
The video seems like a less ambitious iteration of this 'relationship lives and dies while driving in a car' video.
Does Lana Del Rey have our attn?
Does she have it 4 the right/wrong reasons?
Does she look BANGIN in the video?
Were we all born 2 die?
Is this the greatest music video of the year?
Is she the greatest artist evr?
R u hornie 4 Lana?
Did u lose ur virginity in/on a car
What piece of her do u want? [via fried chicken metaphors]
Last week, the Lana Del Rey 'controversy'/'conspiracy' gave internet blogs tons of hits [link]. We discovered her dark past as a normal human named "Elizabeth Lizzie Grant." She also played her 'first show.' While she will probably go in2 dormancy while the Wizard of Oz-like record label execs decide what her next move should be, it doesn't mean we can't stop milking her meme.
WHAT SHOULD LANA DEL REY'S NICKNAME BE?
a) Worst Coast
b) Lips McGee
c) :-*
d) DSL BB
e) Collagen Waver
f) The Artist Formerly Unknown as Lizzy Grant
g) The Bride of Interscope
h) LDR Soundsystem
i) DSL Soundsystem
j) Lipsy Grant
k) The Heidi Montag of Indie
l) Indie Montag
m) Unchillana del Rey
n) The Rebecca Black of Indie
o) The Lil Mainstreamer Who Could [via Record Industry $$$]
p) Lana Del Fake
q) Fake Del Rey
r) Lana Del Keyser Söze
s) iMovie video editor
t) Flower in her Hair BB
u) Big Lips McGee
v) Dr. 90210 [via Brooklyn area code adjustment]
w) Leave Lana Alone!
x) Lizzie Del Rey Grant Lana
y) I Lana Go Home! I didn't sign up 4 this! I just want to sing, now my lips are all jacked and mean indie blogs talk abt me all the time, critiquing me for the worst reasons. Even if this is helping my career [via hypeballing], I am not sure if this is really what I wanted. :-(
z) Lizzie Grant was also the name of some character on Entourage who Ari 'effed over'
aa) LN DL RY
bb) LAN PARTY DEL ETHERNET
cc) The Lipster Grifter
dd) Choose.Ur.Own.Nickname
Lana Del Ray might be the most buzzworthy new artist of 2k11 so far. I have seen her product/image getting buzzed, and it seems like 'all of the right mainstream and alt forces' are getting behind it, and she is destined to become the next 'leading lady of indie.' Her songs seem alright, like she has a good voice. Her music videos execute a 'modern lofi sample-based' aesthetic, but more importantly remind us that 'she is kinda hot.'
I feel like she has way more upside than Lykke Li because a) she is an American AND b) she is more 'directly pretty.' (Sometimes u get scared that Lykke Li/Robyn will turn into a monster if they are under the wrong lighting). That's what I love about new female in artists (mainstream OR indie)... we accept them based on their looks. The male blogosphere wants Lana Del Ray to succeed because she is 'hot.' She will show off her thick lips, curvy body, voluminou hair. She will sing in her 'swaggy white girl' voice. She will make music videos that trick ppl into thinking that she is 'cool.' One day we will be in the VIP area of a music festival with her, and tweet abt how 'SHE IS SO MUCH PRETTIER IN PERSON.'
I enjoy new female artists because it allows us 2 ask the question: "Do female artists like Lana Del Rey succeed based on 'talent' or are 'looks' more important than we would like to admit, even in our beloved indiesphere?"
I am not sure what her record label situation is, but I would guess she will go with the 'indie major' which is probably 'the right choice' as Cults proved. Her album will be plastered all over ads on blogs. Bros will put her songs on meaningful mix CDs for their girls, just so that girls can 'think they are deep' while they hear a comforting female voice.
Every rising artist needs a gimmick that every music journalist will ask her about for the duration of their album cycle. DID U KNOW LANA DEL REY LIVED IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER?
Pitchfork: Your dad is a successful domain investor, but I read that you were living in a trailer park a few years ago. Do you fetishize that trailer park lifestyle?
LDR: My dad is an entrepreneur and an innovator. Being an entrepreneur doesn't make you a rich tycoon and being an innovator doesn't mean that you're successful. It just means that you’re interesting. No one cares that I lived in a park-- Dad loves trailers and is getting one in the Everglades. My first record label gave me a small check and I moved into a park near Manhattan. It's not something I cared to even share but people keep asking me about it. My songs are cinematic so they seem to reference a glamorous era or fetishize certain lifestyles, but that's not my aim. I'm not trying to create an image or a persona. I’m just singing because that’s what I know how to do.
Create an image 4 us, bb! Ur music isn't THAT important 2 us... Believe!
I am really excited to read tons of interviews that ask her about her white trash/trailer trash lifestyle LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.
Do u vibe 2 her music and videos? Is she getting 'too much buzz'? Will she break the 9.0 barrier on her first album? Is she just a 'pretty face' in front of a talented producer?
I think there are a lot of females in indie who are way less appealing to look at AND don't have a voice that is theoretically as 'good' as hers, so I guess she deserves 2 'be in the club.' With all female artists, we want them to sing girly songs. I think that Lana Del Ray might be the 'great female hope' in indie, to try to reclaim the glory that Feist has lost.
Here is some post from some random MTV blog that perfectly embodies the generic buzz forces that are hypeballing Lana Del Rey to 'such buzzworthy heights':
If you haven't heard of Lana Del Rey, YOU WILL SOON because we are convinced that this gorgeous crooner is going to be everywhere ASAP, like basically by the time this post is published. ZOMG she is so important. Anyway, this self-proclaimed "gangster Nancy Sinatra" embodies the best of strong, sculpted eyebrows, bump-its + hairsprayed tonsorial PERFECTION, and we can SO vividly picture her swanning out of a beautiful Hollywood Hills house with a kidney bean-shaped swimming pool in an ultramarine nylon mini shift and white patent leather go-go boots.
AND a big-ass dookie rope chain and gold hoops. She is also, obviously, drinking something out of a martini glass. She describes her sound as "Hollywood Pop/Sad Core" and uuuuuuum #sadcore is VERY up our alley. The enormously satisfying juxtaposition of old-school glamour plus inexplicably morose contemporary images in her music video plus super-duper prettiness is completely blowing our minds.
We can't get enough of her video for "Video Games" because not only are our ears oh so happy with her Florence meets Cat Power meets A Fine Frenzy melodies, but we also really need more retro off-the-shoulder sweaters in our lives and closets. Thankfully, we're positive that this isn't the last we've seen of Lana. And PRAISE BE, because her style strikes such a unique and perfect balance between classic beauty and refreshingly unexpected (do you have EYEBALLS? Are you SEEING that top made COMPLETELY of roses/carnations/I'm not a horticulturist???) that is just so ready for its place in the sun. Now run along and entertain yourselves for a while with the video below while we go dig up some hot rollers and lip venom. Swooooooooooooooooon.
i LOVE LOVE LOVE beautiful women in buzzbands!
I just wanna meet her in VIP, get lost in her eyes/lips/curves...
In addition, I think her twitter has 'Best Coast' potential. It might be one of those unfiltered trainwrecks that we get to watch every day.
What a sweetie! I <3 @pitchforkmedia, 2!
Best case scenario, she 'livens up' the female indie scene, talks shit about other bands, gets other females in indie 'mad jealous' of her. Girls h8 when they are no longer the 'pretty new girl.' Then Lana BB will go on to 'cross over', becoming richer than 99% of females in buzzbands, and 'never looks back' on the crappy world of female buzzsingers who h8 her so much. The blogosphere can continue to like her for too long based on the 'WE CREATED HER AND WE ARE NOT LETTING HER GO' theory.
Is she the new perfect alt female aesthetic?
"I can't wait to hang this poster in my room!" -a girl / hornie bro who reads too many indie blogs
Has she catapulted to the 'top of the indie female charts', even above Feist?
Should she just start releasing bikini photos instead of mp3s?
Is Lana Del Rey's music vaguely meaningful enough to appeal to women?
Are all female solo artists in music just 'manufactured' and 'marketed based on their looks'?
Will every male blogger in the world overvalue her, just based on her looks?
Is she destined to become the next female indie music + fashion icon?
Is she way better than Lykke Li / St Vincent already?
Is Lana Del Rey the 'final nail in the coffin' for St. Vincent's career?
Has she surpassed Alice Glass / Vicki LeGrand / Maddie Follin levels?
Is her gimmick 'fresh', 'stale' or 'whatever'?
How do u feel abt the forces that create a buzzband?
Does it seem 'fair and balanced' or 'arbitrary' and 'based on random bullshit'?
Is Lana Del Rey TOTALLY HOT?
Oh Lana BB... No 1 has put a spell like this on me since Regine...
R u on #TeamLana, or r u a #LanaH8R?
"Go play ur video games, bb..."
-a lamestreamer on Facebook trying to be 'deep', 'singing' lyrics from her fave new female artist
Lana BB! Ur out and abt with ur Hottie McHotHot BF, Barrie James O'Neill! It must be nice to be Lana Del Rey's boyfriend. You have the most coveted mainstream diva in the game in ur arms. She must have some sort of Lord of the Rings fantasy, or vibe out to some Braveheart-style roleplaying. To each her own... Sigh....
Yall DEFANATELY are NOT playing VhheheeehdeeeoohooyooGHHaaYMMEESSSAAAHH tonight! Instead, ur out on a date to WHERE EVER LDR wants to go.
Who woulda thought, we spent all this time talking abt her indie cred when her true value was LOOKING BANGIN in some CANOODLING PIX.
Lana BB! Ur looking CURVY and AMAZEBALLS. How do u FIT all those curves in2 ur TINY, BEAUTAFUL figure?
Where'd u get ur jeans? Mervyn's? Marshalls? Kohl's? I NEED 2 get me a pair, bb!
I am jealous of Lana Del Rey.
She has it all.
Over 1 million records sold worldwide.
International fame.
And a DREAMBOAT BF named Barrie James O'Neill.
UGH. I need to start a youtube channel and make more mashups so that eventually I can become an internationally known diva.
Does LDR look good?
Should she date some one more famous?
When will Lana Del Rey and Barrie James O'Neill breakup?
Do u think he calls her 'Lizzie Grant' or 'Lana'?
Shannon Gaga is known as the #1 Lady Gaga fan in the world. But what if I told you that she was no longer a Little Monster, and instead, turning into a #Lana_Del_R8tr! She is an ALL OUT Lana Del Rey fan these days. She recently went in the studio and recorded an AMAZING cover of Lana Del Rey's "Born To Die." She is rumored to have lost interest in Lady Gaga, and found love and inspiration in the words and stylings on Lana Del Rey.
Does Shannon Gaga sound better than Lana Del Rey?
Does Shannon look good, bb?
Is Shannon Gaga OFFICIALLY Shannon Del Rey?
Does Lana Del Rey have more mainstream appeal than evr?
Has she 'crossed over'?
Can u believe she sold over 1 million albums worldwide?
Is LDR going to be more mainstream than Lady Gaga?
Can Shannon Gaga's first album make her more famous than both Lana and Gaga?
Will Shannon Gaga change her name to Shannon Dal Ray?
The GOSSIP RAGS have been going GAGA for #LDR, wanting to know EVERYTHING about her personal life. I'm sure that's way more chill than tons of random pretentious indie blogs doing every thing that they can to discredit your artistic intentions and personal aspirations. At least she 'won' the war against indie critics by selling mad albums.
The pair finally confirmed they are a couple last night, months after we first reported on their romance.
Video Games star Lana and Barrie were first spotted together at the Tartan Clef awards in Glasgow in November.
Canoodling at the Tartan Clef awards? Sounds like a a dream night!
A source close to Kassidy told the Razz: “I can confirm they are together.”
Lana, 25, has been gushing about Glasgow and told us in November that she visits as often as possible.
She said: “Glasgow is different. It’s very welcoming.”
Does that mean that they don't have internet connections in Scotland?
From what I can tell based on pictures, Kassidy is a ruralwave artist from Scotland. Sorta like how Fleet Foxes and Bon Iver are from the Midwestern American forest, but Kassidy is actually from where ever Lord of the Rings is based. They have beards and long hair.
Here is some song, that features some intense bear dudes playing mad acoustic guitars. Sounds like a song that would be in an American truck commercial.
Here's another video if ur into bearded bros with long hair.
I hope I can turn into LDR's 'type' in the next 3-4 months.
I hope some random fan captured video of this cover emerges, and every blog will have a meme headline, "Watch Lana Del Rey's boyfriend cover VIDEO GAMES."
Kassidy have taken to ending their live shows with a cover of LDR’s No1 smash, Video Games.
Our source said: “They make an unlikely couple but seem to work and bounce well off one another.”
I rlly want to be the other half of her unlikely couple. :-(
UGH. I'm so jeal of this bro. I need to grow out a long, flowing mane of hair and a beard! I wanna canoodle with Lana Del Rey!
Does any1 care about Barrie James O’Neill as a human, or is he just "Lana Del Rey's boyfriend"?
Should she find a hotter hunk?
Do u <3 Kassidy?
Will #LDR and #BJO breakup when his band doesn't become as famous as her, then she will date a famous mainstream movie star?
Who should Lana Del Rey date?
Should she be able to date an A-List hunk celebrity, and not just some busker who signed a record contract?
Do u wish LDR happiness?
Will this relaish last 4 evr, or will the distance tear them apart?
Do u h8 filthy Scottish men?
Lana BB! Say it ain't so! I hope ur toof isn't rotting away....
But I guess the fame and fortune finally got 2 u. I know that whenever I am under tons of stress, I will ALWAYS end up eating TONS of junkfood. It's like my body just CRAVES carbs. I DUNNO WHY, but I will seriously give myself diabetes in a matter of hours. Honestly if I was rich and famous like u, i would probably eat a lot of junk food since it would be SO cheap. Maybe even expensive desserts like at Panera Breads.
Ur gold tooth looks good, bb!
Honestly all the Lana haters need to BACK OFF. She's DEFANATELY the NEXT ADELE, except way skinnier and prettier. Don't get me wrong, I am a bit overweight, but at the same time, I value SKINNY girls who KEEP THEMSELVES IN SHAPE. It just shows that they care abt health and fitness and dieting THE RIGHT WAY. Ugh. I dunno why I ever tried diet pills. I have to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes, and some liquidy poo drips out of my bumhole! It's embarassing, and I don't want to have to start wearing diapers because then I might get an infection because poo will go into my chachki.
Lana Del Rey is the luckiest girl alive, but more importantly, the luckiest new buzzband human alive. She sold mad albums, and really only performed like 10 songs total 4 a live audience. Now, she doesn't have to 'tour' because touring is 2 try to make money because u didn't sell albums, but she already sold albums, so she can be like 'whatevz. I'm just gonna chill, milk the spotlight, and do some random TV performances.'
She was on Kimmel playing "Video Games", and it was boring/forgettable. It is like she 'isn't even trying', but I guess she doesn't have 2. God Bless her. She truly has it all. I'm more interested in hearing tons of grown ass men scream "Lana! Lana! Laannnaaa!" than actually hearing her mutter her way thru another rendition of "VEEHHHDEEEOOGHAAAMMMES."
Did LDR 'tank'?
aRe u more interested in the 'fans' of LDR than her actual performances?
Will she get mobbed2death [via being Born2die]?
Is she still a relevant buzz criticism meme, or is she in the 'safe zone' of officially just being celeb gossip blog eye candy?
The New York Times is allegedly one of the 'last authentic content farms' in the game, writing long 'pieces' with serious words that 'sound important and authoritative', which is why they NAILED IT by calling Lana Del Rey 'a skinnier Adele.' It's a great moment for American alt music journalism, sticking it to 'the goddamn British' and hefty mainstreamers who <3 Adele.
Curvaceous and pretty in a dress, she brims with catchy songs, all a bit retro, ironic and modern. Without straying too far off the pop grid, she’s the perfect antidote to Rihanna-Gaga overload — dare we say, a skinnier Adele, a more stable Amy Winehouse?
Say what you will about the New York Times, but at the end of the day, fattie hating sells papers. Would u rather wake up every morning next 2 Adele or Lana Del Rey? It's just natural selection. Hopefully Lana Del Rey will become 'less stable' so we can have Amy Winehouse level memes. ("I do not actually wish death upon her, because she is good 4 hits and because she is a human being." -a blggr)
Say what u will abt Adele's body, but at the end of the day, she is one of the greatest chubwave artists in the history of the chubwave movement, and you can easily photoshop a chicken drumstick into any photo of her.
Should she ride post-chubwaves and become a 'half-ton' woman who cannot leave her house, but still performs at the Grammys [via Skype]? Many ppl say that we should not worry abt physical appearance when judging females, but it's just part of the game. Lana Del Rey dedicated herself 2 beauty, and she was rewarded fairly. She could even get a second round of enhancements for her second album. Only time will tell, but she will certainly have more access 2 better, high-priced surgeons.
Anyways, there was also an accompanying Terry Richardson photoshoot, but Lana did NOT get naked for it :-(
Cmon Terry... U gotta at least get Lana to show some nip 4 us, or take off her top.
Lana looks good, bb! They can NEVER take that away from u.
Does Lana look good, bb?
Should she gain more weight to sell Adele level albums?
Is it good 2 h8 fatties?
Are we all trying 2 battle obesity?
Would u rather ride slutwaves than chubwaves?
Did Terry Richardson let every1 down by not convincing LDR to 'get naked', show off some nip, and let us know more abt her BANGIN bod?
Now that Lana Del Rey has sold 'mad albums', we begin trying to figure out 'who are her fans'? It seems like she will have to form an official name for her tribe, similar to Lady Gaga's monsters. Do u have a name for her fans? So far the best thing I can think of is "Lana Del R8trz."
At a recent in in-store signing at one of the last authentic record stores in America that hasn't closed yet, Amoeba Records, Lana Del Rey's fans WENT CRAZY for her. It seems like she has a tribe of 'lamestreamy alts', entry level alts, AltGays, and QT entry-level girls who have gone CRAZIE 4 her.
LDR has it all. Fame. Rivieras. Mad album sales. Fans who will die 4 her. Beauty. Dudes with face tats.
Everybody Loves LDR
'U look good, Lana BB!'
'I cried after taking a self-pic with Lizzy Grant Rey'
Yall r keut, but need more Lana inspired fashion gear
Just waiting outside, want 2 consume indie culture LIVE
'No, YOU go play your video games, bb!'
Will LDR begin wearing #tech_vests?
Born2Die, yall
LDR QTs!
Blipster <3s LDR
God Bless the Gangster Spirit of Nancy Sinatra
Me n the girls abt 2 see Lana!
Me n the girls abt 2 see Lana!
'Dude, I'm just here to buy some vintage records. Who are all these weirdo post-tween alts and alt gheys?' -child predator bro in the front
'Let's troll this bitch!'
#SocialMedia
'Ugh I just wanted 2 buy some prog rock vinyl but some BUZZ FLAVOR of the month had to ruin my shopping experience.'
We will remember this moment forever. Photos by Lee Shaner
Does Lana Del Rey 'have it all'?
Does she have a core group of fans that will never abandon her?
Does this look like fun?
Will the Lana Del R8rz be with her forever?
How would u stereotype and generalize her core group of fans?
What markets does she appeal 2?
What is a good name for Lana Del Rey's fan tribe?
Is LDR the famousest person in the world?
Is #LANAMANIA the new #lisztomania?
Lana Del Rey's album Born To Die was widely panned by the peons of the Corrupt Indie Machine. However, it seems like she 'effing killed it', using the 'tank on SNL' marketing strategy 2 cruise her way to the #2 spot in America. She sold 77k albums in the United States.
People constantly debate whether the phrase, “All publicity is good publicity,” actually has any credence, but in the case of Lana Del Rey, the saying has proven itself true.
After nearly six months of feverish online debate — her name! her lips! her backstory! — the divisive songstress, whose poorly received performance on SNL launched a thousand blog posts, lands high on this week’s chart. Her debut album Born to Die debuted at No. 2 on the Billboard 200, selling a solid 77,000 (if not spectacular, considering its marketing budget) copies.
Impressively, Del Rey accomplished this feat without a single bona fide “hit” to her name. Although her recent video for “Born to Die” has amassed over 19 million views, she has only charted one song domestically: “Video Games,” and that only reached No. 91 on the Hot 100. Understandably, 74 percent of her album sales were digital downloads.
More importantly, she sold 117k albums in the UK, which confirms that ppl from the UK 'have no taste' and will fall in <3 with any vaguely buzzed cute human if she 'looks right.' You have to tip ur hat to Lana Del Rey's marketing team for creating an internationally acclaimed artist who can sell MAD albums to lonely women who are tired of listening to Adele, needing a zanier, artsyfartsier voice in their Honda Civic stereo. She probably also appeals to 'the gays'.
1. Adele, 21 – 122,000
2. Lana Del Rey, Born To Die – 77,000
3. Leonard Cohen, Old Ideas – 41,000
4. Various Artists, 2012 Grammy Nominees – 34,000
5. Kidz Bop Kids, Kidz Bop 21 – 30,000
6. Drake, Take Care – 30,000
7. Tim McGraw, Emotional Traffic – 29,000
8. Fred Hammond, God, Love And Romance – 26,000
9. LMFAO, Sorry For Party Rocking – 22,000
10. Rihanna, Talk That Talk – 22,000
LDR has done it. She is OFFICIALLY mnstrm.
She can officially purchase a riviera.
She is OFFICIALLY tabloid material.
We did it. We all did our part 2 get her there. This was a community effort.
Congrats, bb! We were HERE 4 U since THE BEGINNING. Plz don't forget abt us when ur richer and famouser!
Love, random blogs that posted 'Video Games' during its buzz incubation phase
Will indie blogs stop posting about LDR?
Will LDR morph into the new Lana Gaga?
Does LDR have it all?
Is she as mnstrm as it gets?
R u tired of LDR?
Did she 'beat' the Corrupt Indie Machine, utilizing the flaws in the system to actually 'overcome'/leapfrog 'the system'?
Will M.I.A. now 'sell mad albums' because of her meltdown, or does LDR 'actually made decent music'?
Does Lana Del Rey have everything and u have nothing except angry tweets on the internet?
Will there be a KIDZ BOP version of 'Video Games'?
Lana BB! Is that U? I HARDLY recognize u underneath ur baseball cap!
That's a keut look, bb! U look REAL sporty. Sorta like Sporty Spice, except ur not all butch and gross. Honestly, I hate it when women get TOO buff and they lose their boobs because they just have pectoral muscles. It sorta makes me afraid to work out.
It's honestly not fair how beautiful u r. U truly inspire me, bb! At my 4th grade talent show, I was booed off the stage, and they threw rotten tomataeos at me. I wish u were a role model then to give me the strength 2 survive their non-cyber bullying. I guess that is IRL bullying.
I need to get a cap because I HATE when the sun gets in my eyes!
I probably COULD NOT make it WORK like u do.
U've got it all, Lana BB!
A bangin bod, a thriving career, and a sassy NY ball cap!
I wanna go there soooooon. Ugh I need to start saving. I hope they have that hat in a merch store! I wanna get an I <3 NY shirt, too!
Kristen Wiig is doing her best to break into the INDIE SCENE. First, she started dating [ALLEGEDLY] the drummer guy from the Strokes, Fabrizio Moretti [link]. Now she did some impersonation of Lana Del Rey. It wasn't really funny, and not worth watching because she is a one-trick pony who just plays the same female character over-and-over again. Just some skit that was probably written by an LDR apologist feminist comedy writer. Not sure if LDR even matters any more, or if her meme ship has sailed, so they probably should have just 'panned the eff out of her' instead of making it seem like they are on #TeamLana.
Anyways, Kristen Wiig is clearly trying to win over 'the indie-leaning blogosphere.' Next thing you know, she will have her own IFC original series [via Fred Armisen]. I have no idea why she is so obsessed with alt culture. I guess she didn't have a phase in her life where she ESSED the DEEs of random members of bands, so now she is 'catching up' at a later stage in her life.
She prob needs to leave SNL soon since she already has 'mad Bridesmaids bank' but she is probably addicted to the week-to-week buzz spotlight and watching herself do the same character over and over again that was fresh 4 years ago.
Having said that, I'd take Wiig over Tina Fey any day. Based both on looks AND comedy gimmickry.
Is Kristen Wiig 'obsessed with alt'?
Is she 'indie'?
Was this LDR impression 'good'/'relevant'?
Did SNL provide cutting edge cultural commentary on LDRgate?
Did u forget who LDR was?
Is LDR a pop culture legend, or just a meme?
Will Moretti take Wiig from Bridesmaids to bride?
Lana Del Rey's Letterman performance was boring and forgettable, so any1 who wasted their time formulating an opinion on it is probably some obsessed loser. At the end of the day, Lana is CATAPULTING in2 mainstream fame, and most indie blogs will be forced to stop posting her bc she is so mnstrm and tweens + Middle Americans <3 her. These are her fans loving her outside of David Letterman's Ed Sullivan Theatre.
Lana has fans. They love her. She loves them. Fan: We love u Lana! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: Nooo. I love U! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: We promise! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: UGHH YALL ARE THE BEST. It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: NO! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u!!! Fan: Honestly, Lana... It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: No. I could not be here without ur <4 It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: Take a pic with me? It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: Ur the best. It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: SRSLY THO. It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: Stop! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: Nooo. We mean it! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: Thnx. It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: U were GREAt on SNL! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: AW... Thanks... It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: When's ur next album coming out? It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: I dunno. Prob like 2 years. It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: I can't wait! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: Thnks. It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: Congrats on iTunes Sales. It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: Ur the 1 who bought it! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: I'm in heaven. It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: It's 4 u. It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: Every little thing u do. It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: Wanna play some viddy games in the Letterman green room? It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. Fan: I tell u ALL the time, bb! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u. LDR: No. I tell YOU all the time! It's U, It's U, it's all 4 u.
Maybe it's all 4 every1...
Here is her Letterman performance. It is boring, but at the end, David Letterman gets a 'hard on' as if he is trying to seduce a 19 year old intern.
Who is it all 4?
Is it u, u, or all 4 u?
Is this what u wanted?
Did u find urself in the flashbulbs? #BecomingLana
Every1 is waiting for the OFFICIAL Lana Del Rey album sales returns. We've seen her label go on a MAJOR ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN, which has probably paid off bc she is selling mad copies on iTunes [link]. When we find out how much she sold, we will finally know if she was 'just a human meme', 'just another crappy indie artist', or a LEGITIMATE FORCE IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY THAT WILL BE AROUND FOREVER AS A MUSICIAN AND A SEX ICON. Based on early returns, it is clear that Lana Del Rey will be a mainstay in music for the next several decades.
Apparently she is projected to sell around 60,000 albums. This can be called a MASSIVE SUCCESS 4 an artist who came out of nowhere and truly 'changed the way the internet music game was played.'
According to Hits Daily Double, opening day sales figures suggest her major label debut “Born to Die” is on track for between 55-60,000. The album won’t top Adele’s still-absurdly-strong “21″ on the charts, but it should definitely land respectably on the Billboard 200.
IS this a 'flop' because she didn't land at #1?
Or is this a HUGE SUCCESS bc of her indie roots?
Should other indie bands be PISSED at indie music websites for not turning them into memes that actually compelled mainstream interest in them?
Is the indie blogosphere set up to 'cyberbully' these days, not 'cyber-posi-hype'?
Although bands and brands pay million dollars for PR + image brand management, it seems clear that the best way to promote urself is by EFFING TANKING on a nationally televised/overvalued performance so that every1 knows who u r. Then lamestreamers will know abt u. Those are basically the ppl u have to 'win over' in order to sell, not 'a-holes on the internet' who are so obsessed with the sound of their own voice that it it unlikely that they will ever enjoy anything.
You have to appload LDR's business acumen. Today, she is on top of the world, meeting with a realtor to purchase a riviera.
Does LDR have it all?
Will these numbers prove 2 be false?
Was LDR #Born2Sell?
R u jealous of LDR?
Is this the greatest thing that the indie blogosphere will ever produce?
Did the blogosphere help her by 'bullying her'?
Should artists look to be hated by every1?
Did she finally find her home in the pop-o-sphere?
Does Lana Del Rey need to 'gain a lot of weight' so that she can ride chubwaves 2 album sales with Adele?
Lana Del Rey was 'panned' by critics on websites all around the Americas. However, it was important for Lana and her major label to 'flex their muscles' and show off who was really in charge. They purchased MAJOR AD SPACES across some of the most 'important tastemakers in the scene.' I think this wasn't really for 'marketing', but instead a psychological move to let editors and website operators know 'who was really in charge', 'who was the famous-est', and who was really making the $$$$.
Here is a look at a few of the sites she was spotted on. Thank you all for the emails and screen shots.
Pitchfork: Pitchfork panned her, but that doesn't mean she can't vibe on their homepage. Many alts are 'pissed off' that they accepted 'dirty Lana Money', conspiracy theorizing that they took a bribe to double her score to a 5.5.
NPR: Didn't really read this, but if I had to guess, it was probably the 'soft ass feminist pan.' I rlly wish that the government would shut down NPR so that it would give true DIY indie blogs a chance, instead of govt dollars warping the shape + taste of cool dads.
SPIN: I think they 'panned her', but I don't think it was a mean pan bc she'll probably be on their cover within the next 18 months. Not sure if any1 reads their magazine/site 'for opinions', though. Think it is mainly just 'lifestyle'.
The Fader: I don't think they say anything mean about any1, which is why they basically got a LANA DEL REPORT style ad takeover.
Is LDR 'flexing her muscles'?
Did u see her ads anywhere?
Does this just prove that the 'critics' are ultimately 'in the pocket' of major labels?
Will LDR 'piss on' all of the 'crappy h8 blogs' with mad album sales in the first week?
U gonna pick this album up at Target or what?
This is a really difficult time for all of us
The Lana Del Rey album buzz lifecycle is closing
and now u go and get plastic surgery to try to keep her buzz going
piggybacking ur buzz off her buzz?
I srsly don't know what my site is going to do without premium LDR content
and now u go and make a traveshamockery out of the LDReport
I mean, ur lips seems chill
but I just don't know any more
This is the end of an era.
So can u plz chill out
and let us all vibe in peace
instead of harshing the eff out of us?
Lana Del Rey's career has been widely covered in 'recap posts', mainly for mad hits from lamestreamers who want to be all like 'How did Lana Del Rey get 2 where she is now?' Anyways, whenever there is an internationally acclaimed meme or news story, some random ass Japanese people make a Second-Life-wave animated version, recapping the story, and provide post-ironically funnie commentary on it, sorta because it is for 'crazy foreigners. The video showcases every inch of Lana Del Rey's AMAZING curves.
It looks EGGZACKLY like #LDR!
She was crowned a HIPSTER QUEEN, yall!
Critics like Pitchfork Blog TOTALLY h8 Lana Del Rey! They PANNED the eff out of her [via pans] [via literally beating her with pans]
Remember when she put the SNL audience 2 sleep? #ZZZZZZ
I guess in the end, we all wish that we were #BORN2ARICHFATHER
Was this FUNNIE or SAD or do u feel like u just watched ur entire life flash before ur eyes?
Here is the Broken-English Version:
Should Lana Del Rey get her own animated series for Saturday Morning cartoons?
Will they animate the purchase of her first riviera?
Does Lana look good?
Are critics 'mean' [via PANNING]?
Does Lana Del Rey have it all 2day?
Do u hope that 1 day u are captured in animated Japanese video format?
Does this make you want to see Lana Del Rey in anime porn / hentai?
Will Lana Del Rey have a hotel room meltdown with prostitutes, showing off her naked bare ass?
Yesterday was a 'fuckfest' for music websites and music writers with inflated egos, all looking to 'gangbang' poor little Lana Del Rey with mean words attempting to dissect her art and music. However, #LDR took to twitter in order to tell her fans 'i love yall', while at the same time telling her h8rz "Yall are paying my effing bill, bitches!" Do u think haters are paying LDR's bills, or did she just break thru 2 lamestream markets/Lady Gaga wanna-be artsyfartsy tweens?
Thank you for making the record #1 in 11 countries. Your sweet words have softened the effect of even the harshest reviews. I adore you
Her record is '#1' on iTunes in 'at least 11 countries'
UK, Germany, France, Austria, Belgium, Finland, Greece, Ireland, Luxembourg, Portugal and Switzerland are the countries where Lana del Rey is located at No. 1 on iTunes in the early hours of the new album
Many music industry insiders say that 'if you can win the hearts of the Luxembourgers, you can win the entire world.' It seems as though she has done just that, basically creating a frenzy in the country with about 500k people. Every one believed that Lana Del Rey would have MASSIVE INTERNATIONAL SUCCESS because most people in Europe have bad taste in music and her brand/aesthetic really hits their sweet spot.
Based on this 'screenshot', Lana Del Rey has the #1 album in the US iTunes store as well.
'We love u Lana! We've been supportive of u since day 1! Don't forget us. I actually sorta need a loan. Do u have any extra buzz bucks/real money?'
-LDR's old trailer park friends calling her up
'We love u Lana! We've been supportive of u since day 1! we never wrote anything mean abt u!'
-Magazine/website editor jonesing 4 LDR [EXCLUSIVES]
Did Lana Del Rey just 'take a piss' on all the critics'?
Did LDR 'breakthru' to Middle America?
Are album sales just 'really, really, really bad' in January?
Are iTunes screenshots 'misleading'?
Is LDR 'laughing all the way to the bank'?
If Lana Del REy is successful, does that mean we get to harvest her memes 4evr?
If LDR is 'actually successful', does that mean HIPSTER RUNOFF is trapped being the Lana Del Report?
Will Lana Del Rey 'have the last laugh' [via vibing out in her own Riviera]?
Last week, some 'web comedy filmmaker', which basically means 'sad person who sits alone and makes crappy, low-budget videos in a desperate attempt 2 try to go viral, usually incorporating a best friend into the video' made some Lana Del Rey mockery parody video. As an American, we are all guaranteed the right to parody any1, even if it is cyberbullying, and or slutshaming. However, it seems like Lana Del Rey took offense to this meme, and messaged the Youtuber a harsh message.
"Go Fuck Yourself." -Lana Del Rey in a moment of darkness, lashing out at Youtubers.
We cannot confirm if this story is 'true' or if this image was Photoshopped, but this is apparently the message that the youtube account 'LanaDelRey' sent to SparklePussComedy.
Short, simple, to the point. Lana Del Rey did not use her imaginative lyrical skills to compose this message. Perhaps Lana deserved to send this message. It seems like these days, the only purpose of the internet is to belittle the intentions of real artists, just to get hits and attempt to 'get paid.' We are truly living in the darkest era of cultural commentary in the history of commenting on popular and/or niche culture.
Is this just some Youtuber 'trying to be famous', or for a moment, did Lana lose herself?
[via]
Who do u believe?
What is real n e more?
Does LDR deserve 2 message her haters?
Or is she setting a double standard 4 her h8rz?
Should ppl who are cyberbullied be allowed 2 stand up 4 themselves?
Was that video funnie, or should that broad srsly 'go effing eff herself'?
Do u h8 the DIY Funny-Or-Die era of comedy?
Do we all just want 15,000,000 pageviews of fame?
The Lana Del Report has been HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL, representing a new editorial direction for HIPSTER RUNOFF. However, the reviews are in. Despite the rampant cries of 'SLUT SHAMER!', it seems as though Carles is getting his due as the 'last real nigga' in the blogging game. While many other indie, rock, and pop critics and blogspot content farms have attempted to cover LDR with a hard-hitting, unique point of view, they have all failed, perhaps signaling the death of music criticism as whole, mainly bc no1 cares.
Carles has truly stomped all over traditional standards of music criticism, making the old voices of yesteryear sound naggier and more out of touch with reality than ever. Now, some local New York Zine called 'The New Yorker' has praised Carles for being a breath of fresh air in the great content purge of 2k12.
The truth is, you can't talk about Lana Del Rey without talking about Carles and his popular weblog HIPSTER RUNOFF. Carles and Lana have a synergistic relationship, and both of them could very well go down in flames 2gether. But today... They celebrate.
The allegedly homemade clip for her single “Video Games,” from the new album, has racked up more than twenty-one million views on YouTube since it was posted, last August; the song has gone into the Top Ten in the U.K. and several other countries; and the popular blog Hipster Runoff has rebranded itself the Lana Del Report, with the pseudonymous author Carles writing dozens of obsessive ruminations about her.
Does n e 1 know if 'pseudonymous' means that Carles is 'killing it', 'nailing it', and 'game-over-ing' it on the reg?
Carles has truly been the only bright spot in the Lana Del Rey lifecycle.
Much of the rest of the Internet is equally interested in Del Rey, although few commenters have been as amusing as Carles.
Say what you will about 'Born to Die', but it is clear that the real story here is the Carlesian Renaissance that We Are All Witnesses. #Carles_Witness
Say what u will about LDR's album, but at the end of the day, she's one of the greatest human memes in the history of the indiesphere, and they cannot take that away from her. And you can't take away what Carles has done. When the blogosphere finally burns down in the great blog fire of 2k13, Carles's words will live on forever in the hearts and minds of the most relevant humans on Earth.
Is Carles 'killing it'?
Is Carles 'nailing it'?
Is Carles 'beating a dead horse meme'?
Is Carles 'effing reaming'?
Is Carles 'pegging it'?
Is Carles 'slaughtering it'?
Is Carles 'juicing it'?
Has Carles 'gone too far'?
Has Carles 'effing lost it'?
Is Carles the only bright spot of the LDR meme lifecycle?
Lana BB! Is that U? I HARDLY recognize u in that outfit, but at the same time, u sorta make me want to get a makeover.
All the other kids are DEFANATELY gonna be wanting pumped up kicks now that u r SWAGGING HARD in them! I mean it when I say this: U LOOK GOOD, BB!
I REALLY want to get some bad-A sneakers. I need to get way more SWAG up in my sheezy, if u know what I mean. Honestly, it would be nice to get a pair of crosstrainers that I could use both inside and outside. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE hitting the gym, but I also like to workout outside in public parks. It's fun! and u get snow-cones after the workout from local vendors. i LOVE supporting the local economy. Ugh. I need to make more money.
Lana BB! Don't listen 2 all the haters!
U've got it all. Money, notoriety, and Buick Rivieras! That's honestly my dream car!
Honestly, u were good on SNL. I've been watching that show since Billy Crystal was on it! He's funnie! #lols
Pick me up in ur Riviera soon, bb! I wanna have a Girl's Day Out! I got a Groupon 2 a spa!
I've received hundreds of emails from readers when the Lana Del Rey review was posted to Pitchfork late last night. Many relevant alts are eagerly awaiting Carles's high-level analysis on the 5.5 that Lana Del Rey's debut album Born To Die received from Pitchfork Magazine.
Yes, it was in fact one of the all-time GREAT pans that will be remembered forever. A benchmark score that will serve as the standard for the future of pans. Truthfully, the rating itself was the most important score the veteran site has given out since Kanye West's 10.0. The future of their entire editorial voice and meme supply chain management strategies could be COMPLETELY redefined by the way that Pitchfork handled Lana Del Rey's buzz to fame.
Do you really want to go beneath the pan?
Being a music content farm means that you have to effectively manage your chain of memes as you buzz some one to the Promise Land, or straight to Buzzless Hell. It is a narrative that must be constructed. More importantly, it must be BELIEVED by the audience. After the LDR meme cycle, many blogs and mp3 content farms have lost their voice after flip-flopping on Lana Del Rey.
Although Lana Del Rey became an international meme sensation, it is important to remember that Lana Del Rey was built on the foundation of large scale indie content farm buzz. Pitchfork was there to hype 'Video Games' back in the day when it was 'self-released', scoring a 'Best New Music' award. Then, they milked her for every traditional buzz meme possible, even there to blurb her modeling contract and fighting for SEO rank by posting her SNL performance minutes after she exited the stage. She was a valuable meme. Why did they turn their back on #LDR with this review? Many experts are saying that this was in fact some sort of 'kamikaze' review, where they killed themselves, in order to take down Lana Del Rey, and attempt to redefine their voice.
But is it too late?
It is also important that PItchfork had some 'random ass broad who blogs'/'female writer' named Lindsay Zoladz review this record in order to make it seem like they weren't 'male bullying bloggers.' The Pitchfork 'big dogs' were kept in their kennels, although rumors say that many were salivating over the chance to write this career defining pan job. Instead of the standard P4k male voice, the 'female writer' was sent out as some sort of 'sacrificial lamb' in order to 'soften the blow' of the hate crime that the review was ultimately committing. While the Pitchfork offices have often been referred to as a 'Boys Club' [via the Mad Mens], however, we cannot confirm that a female member of their staff hid a pregnancy then gave the baby away [via that 1 broad on Mad Men]. Letting a female write this review was a solid buffer against the angry feminists who have been rumored to be planning a hacker takedown of the site.
Who knows what was ultimately lost in this meme lifecycle-->review... but one things for sure. Maybe in a way, we've all been a little but slut shamed in the Lana Del Rey criticism bubble.
The Reviewer says that Lana Del Rey is 'less than human', which means she is basically a meme.
Given the waves of hype and backlash over the last six months, it can be easy to forget that we're here, first and foremost, because of a song. "Video Games" struck a nerve not just because it was an introduction to Del Rey's captivating voice but because it seemed to suggest something as-yet-unarticulated about the way we live today. Whatever her intention, as a metaphor about disconnect and detachment from our own desires, "Video Games" felt frank, pointed, and true, and it had a chord progression and melody to match. The ultimate disappointment of Born to Die, then, is how out of touch it feels not just with the world around it, but with the simple business of human emotion.
Did u know that 'Born 2 Die' was an Inside Job?
Born to Die was produced by Emile Haynie, whose credits include Eminem, Lil Wayne, and Kid Cudi, and the album's impressively lush atmosphere might be the one thing that will unite its detractors and apologists.
Yawn.
The album's recurring themes ooze out of every note: sex, drugs, and glitter hover in the yawning atmosphere around Del Rey's breathy vocals.
The review failed to mention the popular weblog HIPSTER RUNOFF, so in a way, it was sorta irrelevant, and COMPLETELY missed the entire point of the Lana Del Rey + HRO lifecycle. Although Lana Del Rey received a 5.5, it is clear that HIPSTER RUNOFF probably would have received double that, ending up at an 11.0. By failing to leave out the work of Carles, the 'Born To Die' review will not be remembered as a transcendent piece of music criticism, but instead, the time we watched Pitchfork 'commit hari kari' in what will be one of the most controversial and most-trafficked reviews of all time.
Was Pitchfork 'honorable' for falling on their own sword after the LDR meme implosion?
Has the LDR bubble COMPLETELY burst?
What tastemaker can we trust any more?
Have tastemakers officially become content farms, who take bribes from major labels 2 create artists?
How far BENEATH THE PAN can we go?
Is this one of the great all-time pans in P4k history?
What did this album REALLY deserve?
Will we find out if a Pitchfork review impacts album sales, or is LDR 'too mainstream'?
Does Lana Del Rey have it all?
When will the #LanaDelReport end?
Should more content farms 'fall on the sword' instead of continuing to milk low-level Lana memes, then writing generic 'take down pieces'?
Can the #Editorial_voice of Pitchfork be saved?
Will 'heads be rolling' after this DISASTER or has every1 won?
In a dramatic tweet Friday night, she tweeted, "Goodnight Cruel World."
We cannot confirm that she has actually quit her career, but as of right now, we are in the dark. This is truly a sad day for a human who just 2.5 weeks ago was the buzz of the town. Now, it seems like this buzz meltdown might end. We cannot confirm on the status of Lizzie Grant. If this is just another internet death rumor, at least we know where it came from: straight from the Llama Del Rey's mouth. Is this suicide threat just a way to get the public re-interested in her?
Lana BB... Stay strong... #itgetsbetter
#pray4lana
#pray4lizzygrant
Is Lana Del Rey 'ending it all'?
Or is this a marketing gimmick/cry for help?
It seems like every one is 'blowing their load' on the Lana Del Rey gang bang, as if it is a pornography film entitled 'Indie Gangbang: Can she handle 1,000,000 fresh loads #facialfest2k12'? Now it seems like the New York Times, who is like the biggest blogpaper on the planet, has finally decided to join in the slutshaming of Lana Del Rey. They do their best to 'pan the eff' out of Lana Del Rey, and also, pan the eff out of the internet, blogs, and any1 else who has ever mentioned Lana Del Rey in a tweet, blogpost, tumblog, or Myspace Bulletin.
They say that Lana Del Rey is a 'retarded special ed student' who can only return the scantron with one answer bubbled in the whole way.
On top of music like that, anything shy of full commitment would underwhelm, and over the course of this album, that’s just what happens. Ms. Del Rey has an idea about her presentation, which counts for something — to some it counts for everything — but her singing still sounds like a road test. “Born to Die” doesn’t solve Ms. Del Rey’s problems because it isn’t aware of them; it’s a multiple choice test with every answer scanned “C.”
I am not sure if they mean to say 'Lana Del Rey is a retard' in terms of her artistic vision, singing abilities, her marketing planning, or with her managerial decisions. I suppose they intend it to mean 'all of the above.' U have to wonder if likening her to a special ed/student with learning disabilities 'went too far' for the sake of sensational music commentary.
They also said that Carles was 'full of shit', and a 'disgrace' to the entire indie rock music criticism and cultural commentary community.
It has also resulted in a self-perpetuating apoplexy around her image and reception. A parody self-defense written in Ms. Del Rey’s voice was published on the Web site Thought Catalog, but was then removed after zealous, repeated entreaties from Ms. Del Rey’s publicity team, which insisted that fans were confused, even after a disclaimer was added. The satirical trend-thumping site Hipster Runoff, a frequent and happy agitator of Ms. Del Rey’s and others, reprinted it. Carles, the site’s author-proprietor-inventor, also went into self-examination mode, writing about the evolution of blogs from taste-making engines to traffic-generating tools of destruction, as if those weren’t the same thing to begin with.
It truly feels as if the mainstream media is beginning to turn on Carles just like they have turned on LDR. Today, maybe we are all slutshamed slutshamers, who can't help but continue to slutshame. In a way, maybe blogs are not traffic-generating tools of destruction, but instead, the craft of writing is truly just a dark mechanism of slutshaming. Perhaps today, we are all trapped. We are all slutshamers. We can only be the 'meme whoremonger' or the #mongered.
The writer offers the suggestion that Lana Del Rey should make up a new fake name and try to relaunch her career in a few years so that we can all blogbully her one last time.
There is hypocrisy all around: on the part of Ms. Del Rey, on the part of her various teams and enablers, on the part of her dissecters and executioners. A career founded on bad faith all around can’t be long for this world, but at this point what can Ms. Del Rey do? Not much. Her cultural stamp has already been affixed, her biography written in concrete. The only real option is to wash off that face paint, muss up that hair and try again in a few years. There are so many more names out there for the choosing.
Why has the mainstream media turned on the blogstream media?
Did Carles 'get effing served'?
Are u tired of all the 'Lana Del Rey hater' haters?
Is Carles nothing but a slutshamer + meme whore monger?
Is Lana Del Rey 'completely effed'?
Did they 'cross the line' with the retard/special ed metaphor?
R u tired of all the slutshaming on the internet?
Has LDR coverage 'gone too far'?
Lana Del Rey is famous 4 tanking on SNL. Now she is in 'scramble mode' to create a narrative that protects her album from tanking. It seems like in an interview with the Telegraph, she took some time 2 'address the haters', and potentially create a sympathy-based narrative. Of course, leave it to some 'soft ass' UK publication to guarantee puff-piece treatment. Say what u will abt mean ass American blogs, but at the end of the day, Americans are better buzz manufacturers, buzz panners, and have better taste in music.
Is this the beginning of a new image 4 Lana Del Rey?
Has she clarified 'who she really is'?
Did u know that she isn't actually a 'rich girl'?
Her father is a real-estate investor, her mother an advertising account executive and, while they were comfortably middle-class, she snorts that, contrary to internet speculation, “they’re not millionaires. There wasn’t any money. It was just a life.” Despite the setting, it would appear that Del Rey’s inner life, at least, was anything but placid. “When I was very young I was sort of floored by the fact that my mother and my father and everyone I knew was going to die one day, and myself too. I had a sort of a philosophical crisis. I couldn’t believe that we were mortal. For some reason that knowledge sort of overshadowed my experience. I was unhappy for some time. I got into a lot of trouble. I used to drink a lot. That was a hard time in my life.”
Lana Del Rey is afraid 2 die... Then 1 day she realized that she was in fact #Born2die...
Anyways, she recovered from her serious teen drinking problems and volunteered in the community.
In her years in New York, working “odd jobs” and “helping out in the community, in alcohol and drug awareness programmes” and playing the singer-songwriter open-mic circuit, Lizzy Grant reinvented herself as Lana Del Rey.
While we have heard that she lived in a trailer for a while, the teen drinking + sobriety angle is a new one. I wonder if she just wants interviewers to ask her about overcoming teen alcoholism instead of being asked, "So... what do u think abt the internet and the things that ppl say abt u on it?'
She is just like U.
At 18, she moved to New York, studied metaphysics at college, and taught herself guitar.
Do u think listening to her leaked album 'Born To Die' is sorta like studying metaphysix?
Lana Del Rey doesn't want to disrepect God, so she cannot comment on internet hatred.
What the gossip-mongers and trolls of the internet haven’t seen is the effect all this cyber bullying is having on the person at its centre. Del Rey has made a record that deserves to be heard, but says she doesn’t want to tour, doesn’t want to leave New York, that she wants “to keep things small. All I wanted to do was make something beautiful, and I think I’ve done that.”
Her nervous appearance on popular US TV show Saturday Night Live last weekend led to more internet abuse. But the thing is, Del Rey is nervous, and with good reason. “I don’t want to talk about how it made me feel because I think it’s disrespectful to God to go to a dark place with this kind of thing. People just want to see me go off the rails. That’s the only reason they’re watching. They just want to see what happens.” Her critics have questioned her authenticity, but Del Rey seems all too human. I ask if she is afraid of what she has unleashed. “Do you think I am?” she ponders, voice trembling, hand dabbing at her eyes. “Well, you might be right. But I wouldn’t tell.”
Lana Del Rey wants u 2 know that she knows what u think abt her. She is self-aware, understands what is happening. Srsly though. WHY? Why are yall doing this 2 her?
It gets colder in the room as the interview progresses, as the New York chill penetrates. “I know what people think about me,” says Del Rey, pulling her suede jacket around her shoulders. “I don’t understand it, I don’t see why that’s the angle. And I’m a smart person. I mean, like, why that?”
'Get a new fucking angle, bloggers. I am a person.' -Lana Del Rey
Will Lana Del Rey rebrand herself?
IS it '2 late'?
Will she sell mad albums in Europe?
Can #LDR 'make it'?
R u starting to feel sad 4 her?
Can #LDR save her career?
Did u have a teen drinking problem, and did it eventually help u to become an internet sensation?
