Last Night's Party | Hipster Runoff

Last Night's Party

Taking a self-pic with a famous person 2 enhance my facebook default pic

Photo by Lastnightsparty

Hovering around a relevant event
Famous ppl in attendance
not sure if they are here 2 party / drink free alcohol [via sponsor]
or if they were paid 'mad appearance dollars'
to create bloggable memes

In the corner of my eye
I see 'hilarious African American comedian' Tracy Morgan
From my fave Tina Fey TV show 'The 30 Office Mean Girls Rock'
Emmy Award Winning HULU series on the NBC Network

That dude is mad hilares
I laugh every time I see him on TV
and think to myself
'Why can't more black people be like that bro?'

Even though all black people are kinda like him
except they are 'being serious'
and are kinda annoying in a lower class kind of way
like dudes who get mad at u for not giving them money on the subway

Guess maybe he is 'the perfect African American comedian'
because he doesn't ruin white people's vibes by always talking about racial injustices
utilizing his platform to raise social awareness
instead, he is 'the ultimate African American'
acting 'black' so that we can laugh at black stereotypes which are funnie & true

'lol' -me watching Tracy Morgan

I'll bet I can go up to him
and take a picture of us
with my arm extended, myspace style
And I will get 'the ultimate facebook default pic'
proving to my extended SOCIAL NETWORK
that I attend relevant parties with famous ppl

In addition, Tracy Morgan will 'say something funny'
providing me with content that I can share with my friends
a 'funnie story'
proving that 'he is the exact same in real life
as he is on TV/the movies'
Sorta want to 'humanize' him in a famous way

Ultimate facebook default
inspiring 10+ comments and/or 'likes'
by people who are jealous
mainly my social network from high school who are still 'trapped'
in the shithole suburban environment where we grew up

Just want to reenact a modern slave-owner relationship with Tracy Morgan
utilizing the modern white bro comedy aesthetic

Do yall think Tracy Morgan is 'funny'?
Do u think bros who find Tracy Morgan to be 'funny' and 'zany' are racist?
Will Tracy Morgan ever be as 'funny' as Eddie Murphy / Chris Rock in their primes?
Do u think he is an 'authentic black person' or does he just exploit black stereotypes in a white person friendly way?
Do black ppl think that Tracy Morgan is funny because he is making fun of white ppl?
Have u ever taken a pic with a famous person?
Do u ever watch people on facebook who post 'self-pix' with famous ppl who are pissed that they are 'up in their grill'?
do u believe in 'honoring fame' or do u think all humans are the same?
Is 'taking a self-pic' with a famous person the new 'getting an autograph'?

Free-spirited Mom Breastfeeds at a relevant alt party. Have we discovered the perf alt breasts?

Who seems more chill: the baby bro, or the background bro trying to 'have a peep' at some mom boob?

Photo by lastnightsparty

I have always thought that the perfect alternative breasts would be some nicely sized, perky knockers. A pair of breasts that weren't 'trying to be big' like fake implant whores, but something more reasonable and structurally sound, like a Frank Lloyd Wright joint. Maybe I was wrong all together. Maybe I was holding on to 'breasts' as the ultimate sexual object.

Now I realize that breasts don't exist to have in your face while you're making love, or as a 'target' to cum on when ur 'finished with a woman.' When ur a young boy who has never been intimate with a woman, the breasts are the ultimate symbol of sex & nudity. One day, you will undress a woman, and the bulgy, hidden breasts will be the ultimate symbol of 'becoming a man.' Maybe men like to 'suck on boobies' because they are recreating the act of 'being a lil baby', trying to reconnect with their mothers' by simulating breastfeeding.

Do u realize...
that breasts...
are actually 4 nourishing ur child
with life + love + knowledge?

Wonder what it would be like to have alternative parents. Mom and Dad taking me to buzzband concerts, relevant art openings, and meaningful events in public space before I was even able to walk/eat solid foods. I feel like even though I wouldn't be able to fully appreciate my upbringing, I would eventually evolve into a post-authentic alt, since my infancy would be filled with tons

Would u ever breastfeed your child in public?
Just watched this lady breastfeeding at a Starbucks. Do u think she is 'too free spirited'? Do some moms just want to 'stand out' since having a child sort of made u conform with ur biological purpose, so they just try to 'be all zany' and breastfeed while they drink a frappacino?


R u gonna breastfeed ur child?
Were u breastfed and did it make u a better alt?
Will the perfect alternative breasts be lactating?
Does milk from a bosom represent 'life'?
Should Steve Aoki start pouring breast milk into people's mouths instead of vodka?
Is breast milk 'more alt' than soy milk?
R u glad ur mom was mainstream and didn't use u as a personal branding tool, or do u wish she had stepped up her game?

Just want
4 walls and adobe slabs
4 my girls
so they can get they breastfeed on

-Breastimal Breastlective

Cruisin with my titties out.

Photo via lastnightsparty

Cruising down the street
chilling on my pink Vespa
Saving money on gas, cab fare, subway paypal super pass metro card
& even saving the environment
Feeling free
Young, beautiful;;; in the city
Speeding towards a relevant party
Numerous alternative nightlife photographers in attendance
snapping international alt celebs
snapping photos
snapping me
This is my body

These are truly traffic stopping breasts
More than 'just a nude' photo
I represent youth/life/sex/string theory

Through these teets
my firstborn son will suckle
nourished with the rich milk of my life experiences
and he shall spit back into my nipple hole
everlasting youth.


( o ) ( o )

Were u breastfed?
Did it help u develop into a healthy human being?
Will u breastfeed ur future child, or will u make him/her drink Silk soy milk?
Whats ur fave kind of milk? 0%, 1%, 2%, choco, whole, strawb, soy, rice, milk of magnesia, or unpausterized?
What type of a fluid will an authentic alt mom produce in her breasts 2 nourish her alt spawn (lil alt)?

Previous Alt Nudity Coverage

Would u ever party with 'a terrorist'?

Photo via lastnightspartie

Yall. I know that most people who seem 'arab'/'islam'/'muslim'/whatever generalized term for people from the Middle East-ish/India/Pakistan/Afghanny are NOT terrorists. But yall feel like as Americans, u sort of 'fear' people who seem a lil bit too ethnic. Would u ever party with a bro who u racially profiled, or do u just try to party with people who are your colour + 1 blipster + 1 azn + 1 half-mexi? Do u think that 'white people' just manage to fit in the most?

Wonder if partying with 'the enemy' would land me in Guantanamo Bay [via Shawkshank/Harold and Kumar].

Wonder why I feel so obsessed with racial issues. I feel excessively paranoid, like I might be 'racist' deep down, and there is nothing I can do to 'unteach' myself.

Have u ever been boarding a flight, and u look around for the 'bro who seems like the most likely to light his shoe-bomb on fire and take the plane down'? Feel like it is usually some sort of Arab person, or a bro who is dressed like he is from the Middle East, or a very suspicious normal looking bro who is probably some sort of medical student. I feel weird when they see u looking at them, and they are like 'fuck u bro. I'm not a terrorist. My family is richer than urs and I have a better education than u.' It makes me feel hella guilty.

Yall. is there something wrong with me? Or am I just 'a stupid american' who went 2 public school? Feel worried that I am not 'globally aware' enough even though I studied abroad in Europe/Boston.
Srsly though... would u partie with a terrorist? What would u do? Which terrorist would u partie with? Is George W. Bush still a terrorist, or is he a chill bro now?

This might be a stupid question...but what r DJs doing when they are emotionally 'twisting knobs'?

Photo by LastNightsParty

Yall. Feel stupid to ask 'dumb questions.' Weird how sometimes u just never ask certain questions because you are afraid ur gonna sound stupid for not knowing, but if u asked, u'd realize that 85% of the world was wondering the same thing as u. Our modern educational system has failed because we believe that any one who asks a question is 'an idiot' [via Nappy Dynamite voice].

but srsly.... does n e 1 know what DJs are doing when they are 'twisting knobs' and 'acting all emotional'? Like the lifeforce of a song is flowing through the knobs into their body where their soul meets their body. Wish I knew more DJ techniques. Wish my parents got me DJ lessons as a kid instead of 'piano'/'guitar'/'miscellaneous orchestral instrument' lessons. Sad that I was never talented enough to be in a band, so I wish I could at least play music that makes ppl happy.

Photo by sharkvsbear

While I am asking, can n e 1 else plz explain what DJs are doing when they 'hold 1 headphone up 2 their ear while bobbing their head and looking intently at their computer screen'? Sometimes I wonder if DJs are 'really doing anything' or if they are sort of just 'pretending to be really involved' to make sure that people don't remember that they are 'just playing music from iTunes.'

Still not sure if DJing is an 'art.' Can some1 plz tell me why we need 2 respect DJs/which DJs are 'worth respecting'? Might need to listen to more guido techno electro core house.


The HIPSTER RUNOFF radio show airs Mondays at noon and again at midnight EST on Sirius XMU. Iff you’re an XM subscriber, you can listen to Blog Radio on channel 43, and Sirius subscribers can still find us on channel 26. If u really want 2 hear Carles Show, u can get a 3 day trial membership.

U can always listen 2 my podcasts if ur poor.

Playlist after the jump

Is it authentic 2 go to a MSTRKRFT show in a MSTRKRFT mask? [a continuing exploratory question]

Photo by Lastnitesparty

Just saw this bro front row at a MSTRKRFT show wearing a MSTRKRFT mask.
Kinda reminded me of the past. One time some lil altbro wore a mask of theirs, and then some time when an authentic bro wore a non-golden mask to prove that he was their biggest fan.

Still trying to figure out if it is 'kewl' to wear a band's t-shirt to their concert/show. Feel like it was something that entry-levels do, but I think I might start making my own t-shirt that proves that I am a more authentic fan than every1 else.

For example, I might wear a shirt to a Panda Bear concert that says 'We're bros who are comfy in nautica.' Or might wear a shirt to a MSTRKRFT concert that says 'I listened to the one bro in ur band when he was in Death From Above 1979.' Or might wear a shirt to a Metallica concert that says 'h8 napster, yall!' Or maybe will wear a shirt to a Coldplay concert that says 'I used 2 rule the world Gwyneth Apple Yellow.'

Does n e 1 remember that song 'Romantic Rights' by DFA1979? Was music more authentic back then? Do u think the MSTRKRFT bro should have stayed in that band


Does n e 1 know the difference between DFA1979 and DFA Records?

Kinda wonder if it is more difficult to make a MSTRKRFT mask or a Daft Punk hemlet. Might go to a design school/technical college.
Need 2 make more arts + crafts to prove that I am a high level fan of bands that I 'love.' Need 2 do more 2 set myself apart from all of the 'mainstream losers' who go to see bands just because they think it makes them cooler and they have nothing better 2 do.

WTF is a bathroom? [via being confused in a port-a-potty] (NSFW)

Image by Last Night's Party]

Have yall ever rlly had 2 use the restroom 2 the point that u even used a portapotty? Have yall ever entered in2 a portapotty, but then got confused about 'how 2 use the restroom'? Just wanted to post this picture because it is 'tuggable', 'dark', 'nonsensical', 'funny in a meme-ish way', and kinda like 'alt porn.'

Just trying 2 'find the hole' 2 'dump'/'pee' in. Kinda weird how we're all so simple and we all do the same stuff. Eat, sleep, feel things, have sex, and go to the restroom.

Sometimes I wish bathrooms were as EZ 2 use as iPods. :-(

Previous girls who 'got all confused' in a bathroom

More bathroom coverage

The People in the Background of My Life

Photo by LastNIghtsParty

Sometimes I take life for granted. But then I stop to think about how EZ and awesome my own life is. I really don't have much to worry about, yall. I don't have any 'real commitments.' I do what I want, and I don't owe any one anything--not even student loans.

There are people in the background of my life who make my life easier.
The men who pick up garbage.
The women who clean up hotel rooms that I metaphorically 'trash.'
The people who work for cable/electronics/networking/computer companies who 'make my internet/computer work' somehow.
The janitors who clean up the bathroom/classrooms at my private school.
They are the people who put alcoholic beverages into cans and bottles.
They are the people who sew my Am Appy tshirts.
They are the unfortunate AZN pre-tweens who glue together my Nikes.
They are the people who die to donate clothes to thrift stores that I can purchase.
They are the people who carry heavy stuff like garbage, crates of Macbooks, and other crap.
They are the people who harvest organic products + drugs.
They are the people risking their lives' to smuggle drugs to suburbia.
They are the people working 'desk jobs that I would kill myself if I had to do'.
They are the people with jobs in 99% of industries that 'pay well and have good benefits.'
They are people who wouldn't even know what to do if they had the opportunity to waste time at their computer-based desk job all day.

While ur life may feel 'menial'
and u might not even be able to grasp the concept of 'a better life' from my point of view,
I just want you to know that without you,
my life wouldn't be what it is

I just want you to know
that I appreciate u
and what u have done 4 me.
I will not think about u again 4 a long time
but KNOW that u r important 2 me
and if u had a paypal account, I would donate some money.

There are people in the background
who make my life what it is.
Without them, I wouldn't feel special
and I wouldn't want 'something more.'

Tonight, I will have a drink in ur honor.

My bro got too drunk.

Photo by Last Night's Party

It was a night out with the bros. Everything was going really bro-like. We had even picked up a subGroup of bros to merge into an all out bro-pack. Spirits were bro-ish as the night progressed. We were more than just bros--tonight was a rare night where I was able to experience true brohood. I was just being a bro, grinding up on bitches and making hand signals to my bros about how 'jacked up' I was to be alive/at a bro-friendly club.

But then one of my bros got too bro. He drank so many shots/jaeger bombs that you would think he thought he could be bros with an alcoholic beverage. Things got way too bro way too fast. There were some nonbros there who were actually in their own bro-ternity who were acting unbrolike to our BroGroup. Needless to say, things got really unBro really fast.

All because my bro had to get all broed out.
Shit, bro.

My bro kept drinking, making all of us bros uneasy. I'm just like any other bro--all about having a good time with as many bros as possible. However, when a bro gets behind the wheel after too many drinks, he's endangering his innerBro, as well as unknown bros on the streets. Bros don't let bros get behind the wheel after too many bro-juices.

We tried to get my bro to give up his keys. He wasn't very bro-ceptive to that idea. He had a very unbroistic meltdown, but eventually his body went dead. We did what any true bros would do. We came together as bros to use our brains and brawn to carry our bro to safety.

Overall, the night was pretty bro on many levels. Bro-like times with my best bros. Sometimes when you think you might not be a bro, something bro inside of u teaches u that without bros ur nothing, and everything is bro. You, bro, and every bro we know.

What would Bro Do?
This is what it means to be a bro.

Name that Alternative Celebrity Lookalike (weird broad)

I was looking at pictures of pretty ppl, then noticed that a regular person looked a lot like 1 of my favourite alternative celebrities. Who do yall think it is?

Photo by lastnitesparty

This woman looks like

a) Uffie

b) Britt Spears 'Baby 1 More Time Era'

c) Lovefoxxx of C.S.S.

d) The lead singer of the Ting Tings

e) Karen O

f) Celine Dion

g) Audrina Partridge

h) a Vivian Girl

i) Agyness Deyn

j) Twiggy

k) Audrey Hepburn

l) M.I.A.

m) M.I.A.'s second child

n) Jenny Lewis

o) Feist

p) Au Revoir Simone

q) Gwen Stefani

r) Lady Gaga

s) Little Boots

t) Sigourney Weaver

u) Whitney Houston

v) Nicole Richie

w) Lykke Li

x) Choose.Your.Own.Response

Can't take my eyes off of her, yall! Driving me crazy! Who does she look like???

Have u owned a pair of Converse Chuck Taylor All Star lowtops during ur lifetime?

Photo by Lastnightsparty

I think that products unify people. Some products last forever, staying relevant with each new generation. For example, most 'normal people' have eaten at McDonalds during their lifetime. I am trying to identify products which unify the alternative community. One product that I think most ppl have owned and built their brand around is the Chuck Taylor All Star. Not sure if 'high tops' were for every1, but I think most people who have wanted to build an alternative personal brand sometime in their lives' invested $20-40 in this simple show that isn't as comfy as people pretend it is.

Can't believe they played basketball in these shoes back b4 I was alive. Probs resulted in a lot of shin splints/stress fractures. But I don't think 'black people' were 'flying above the rim' back when these shoes were 'athletic' so maybe it was more manageable.

Just glad that this timeless, humble, unisex shoe is there for all of us. Any time I want to look like a humble, approachable alt who isn't 'too intimidating' and is probably open to any sort of experience or genre of music, I put my lowtop Chuck Taylor All stars on. Think it's kinda keut when girls wear them. Think it's keut when mainstream tweens who are experimenting with altness wear a pair of these shoes.

Can yall think of any other products that unify the alternative population? We just have a lot in common sometimes with all genres of alt, like 'black t-shirts', or 'blank CD-Rs' or even 'Macbooks.' We all kinda just want the same thing, and we all have the same tools to achieve our social goals [via mall in suburbia].

"We're all kinda the same, if u put all of the purchases during our lifetime into a big Excel spreadsheet." - Jesus

Previous Shoe Coverage

Alternative Parenting Tips (The Metaphorical Vodka from Ur Teet)

[Photo by Last Night's Party]
When I have a child
I will raise him 'right'
and make sure he/she
gets only the best

Organic foods
Progressive Private Education
Summer art courses
Team sports
Necessary technology
No television
Plenty of 'books'/printed out pages of wikipedia
Drug prevention education
Lots of physical affection
and verbal reinforcement

My wife will put the baby
upon her teet
and tell her about her life
and her mistakes
and the history of the modern world

The baby will grow old
and go away to design school
And find himself/herself
Fall in love
Accidentally make a new child too soon
and the circle of life will continue

The baby
must be nourished
from a teet
which spouts
top shelf vodka
(This is a metaphor)

I think I'm growing out of 'partying.'

Does n e 1 know where I can get a 2-for-1 deal on salvia+an altBroad in a bikini?


Yall. Kinda weird how life has changed so much in the first 20 days of 2k9. I feel 'more grown up' and less interested in stuff that I used to be interested in. This includes stuff like 'partying', 'getting shitfaced', 'doing blow off my iPhone nano', 'electro music', 'DJ culture', and 'alt stuff from 2k6-2k8.'

(Note: I am still interested in tuggable skanks in any context/environment/setting, no matter what kind of babble is splurging out of their mouth.)

2k9 is a beautiful new year. I am getting more conceptual, learning to appreciate music, spending less time partying, and more time 'in nature.' [via the conceptual forest] Nature is my party animal.

"I guess this is growin up." - blinking 182 times

I'm looking forward to February so that I can stop worrying so much about this being the new year/being shellshocked about how different everything is.

What brassieres will look like in 2k10

[Photo by Last Nights Party]
2k10 will be a turning point for women. They will no longer be confined by fashion/design constructs, and they will redefine every article of clothing in order to create a more authentic method of expressing who they are [via the clothes that they wear]. Things will begin to get more conceptual, and advertisers will move to advertise on beautiful humans after the blog-ad market dries up/internet is rationed by Barry Obama.

If there is one thing our country needs now, it is a bail out of the following economies

  • the nip stickies economy
  • the 'chunks of pink/purple/blue in my hair' economy
  • the free-spirited piercing economy
  • the electro economy
  • the banger economy
  • the conceptualcore economy
  • the meaningfulcore economy
  • the fund for transitioning entry levelers to mildly authentic bros
  • the bro economy.
  • The meme economy

Hopefully we make it to 2k10 without a country 'getting zany' and dropping a nuculeaure bomb on 'us.' I am looking forward to more keut women in progressive outfits that do a better job of 'showing the world what God gave them.

I am excited about the future.
I am excited about the future of fashion/design/women.

I am planning a “Girls Night Out” With a Group of My Closest Girl Friends

I am planning a Girls Night Out with a group of my closest girlfriends. We will spend the entire night together. We will start out at my apartment, 'getting ready' while gossiping and talking about guys who we think are cute and attainable. We will also complain about the daily grind of out jobs, and how $30-35k is not enough for what we do and how valuable we are to the company. The majority of our paychecks go towards shopping for things like sunglasses and designer purses, and the car payment for my second class 'sports car.' My personal brand is mainly built around walking in and out of restaurants and stores, wearing my expensive sunglasses, carrying my expensive bag, and entering+exiting the car that I am 80% too proud of.

GNO will be amazing. We will drive to Chili's to make sure we have a full stomach before a night where we are dedicated to 'raging.' We will order appetizers, fruity drinks, and maybe split an entree. We will text message friends and guys to 'see what they're up to tonight.' After Chili's, we will go to a high-class bar because are wearing black outfits (or maybe a popular alt-nightclub because we are wearing our interpretation of 'hipster' gear). Eventually, we will find out where a group of mediocre guys are hanging out, and we will force our way over there. The will/will not be pleased to see us.

One of the girls in the pack will lose interest, slipping into a depressed oblivion. She is a 'chunky virgin' and has never had sex/has only had 1 boyfriend who abused her. Tonight, she was supposed to be liberated. Sometimes, popular mainstream hit songs come on in the club. We dance, and mouth the lyrics to the dance song which we should not be able to identify with. This moment is relevant, because it is a moment which we replicate inside of our 2nd rate sports cars while wearing our sunglasses that 'make us feel famous.' We are a powerful consumer demographic. We are responsible for 5 of the top 10 artists of the year in the iTunes digital store.

The night will end. We will talk ourselves' into what a great time it was, creating stories that we can re-tell for years to come. We go back to my apartment--where we prepared for the night. I will warm up some more appetizers from the frozen food aisle of my local grocery store, and provide a gourmet sweet treat. We will fall asleep, drunk, full, and numb. I have no dreams, but I wake up in the middle of the night to drink a glass of water.

In the morning, we will wake up, eat a carb-y breakfast, recapping the night with tons of laughs. My plate comes with pancakes, french toast, bacon, sausage, and eggs. It helps my stomach settle.
Girls Night Over ends the morning after. I get into my Civic and drive away. I put on a song that I heard last night.

Monday will come. Back at work. Girls Night Out will be 'just another memory that we can reminisce about [via commenting on one another's facebook walls so that other people will know that we know how to party].' We will be back at our desk reading gossip blogs, draining my employer's network by spending the entire day on Facebook/myspace, and dreaming of
a Life
where every night
is not
Girls // Night // Out.

How would u murder an altBro?

[Photo by lastnitesparty]
Did u know that at least 80% of people surveyed a cross the universe indicated that they would murder some1 if they got the chance 2 'get away with it'? Kinda makes me wonder how I would kill an altBro if I wanted 2 commit 'the perfect crime.'

My murder would be a 2 year plan. I would become best friends with a bro, becoming ABFEAEs (AltBrosForEverAndEver). We would bond about music, clash during debates about fiscal policy/which Radiohead album is the best 1 ever, and go through the usual ups and downs of an altBro relationship. 1 Day, I would push my Soon2BeMurdered Bro 'too far' and get him 'too fucked up' on Sparks/pills/PBR/Bud Light Lime/Southern Comfort/LSD/Herbroin/Meth/etc. I would take him to a major music festival, wearing the mask of our favourite band, the MasterCrafts. I would make sure he wears an popular AA hoodie so that no1 can 'distinguish him from the crowd.'

Would lead him in2 the center of the crowd/moshpit and 'end his lyfe' [via strangling+suffocation with AA white hoodie drawstring. The ppl around him would leave his dead body there to rot for the next 5 days of the music festival. Eventually the festival would end, and only his dust-covered body would remain. If the authorities could use DNA to eventually identify him, then they would contact me 2 see when was the last time I saw him. I would claim that he 'wandered off because he took too much PCP/huffed too much computer dust cleaner. He started getting really into drugs after the new Animal Collective album leaked.'

Beware of your best altbros.

but srsly... if u were gonna kill 1 of ur friends in a modern alternative context, how would u do it?

/// A Perfect Alternative Crime/Murder


If I ever become a famous DJ, I will always wear a shirt that proves I am aware of the God Fathers of electro/dance/bloghouse who came b4 me.

Jeff Buckley's Amphibious Ghost

What would yalls shirt say?

How Women Will Groom They Selvez in 2k9

[Photo by LastnightsParty]
I'm not ready for 2k9. Not if all of the alternative women in the world are going 2 start 'being a lil bit too free spirited.' I have read in French Culture Blogs that women in Europe started shaving their arm pits. How do alternative women feel about hairy pits? Do yall think it is 'beautiful'/'natural'?

Maybe I am just not as open minded as I was in 2k1-2k5. Back then, any one could implement a gimmick, and as long as it wasn't 'normal' and you had the drive to 'sell it', then u could be whoever u wanted to be. It was kind of like the era where people became vegan/organic/lesbians/meaningful pot heads/college radio station executive staff/people who drove scooters/rockabillies/other gimmicks to 'get attention', and the were automatically given alternative credibility. That is not going to fly in 2k9.

I am going 2 have standards. I am going to be more selective about letting self-proclaimed 'individuals' into my life.

Yall srsly need to shave yalls pits or else I'm gonna throw up orange (even in a world without Sparks).


need u


This is a personal branding crisis question. CROSS or ELECTRO LIGHTNING BOLT is a new HRO Gimmick where the readers must decide of the pictured alt should implement a CROSSy personal brand or an ELECTROLIGHTNINGBOLTy personal brand.

Please justify your response.
For example:
"He should get an electro lightning bolt tattoo cuz electro is gonna be big in 2k7."
"He should get a cross jacket/t-shirt/tatty because he is a Mexicalt and his parents probably worship the guy who 'chilled upon a cross til he died.' "

[Photo by Last Nites Party]

The Future of the Party Pic N00d (NSFW)

[Photo by Lastnitesparty]
Transitioning into a new year is all about [UNCERTAINTY]. Will gimmicks from previous years work in 2k9? For example, will alternative men still be [HIGHLY INTERESTED] in searching for the perfect pair of alternative breasts? I don't think they will. I think most men might become 'a lil bit bi' in 2k9, and start looking for a few more nut/shaft slips.

[Photo by icanteachyouhow2doit]
In 2k8, most of my male readership pretended to be 'grossed out' by the sight of __% of a peen. However, in 2k9, they will utilize the ZOOM feature of their Macbooks [CTRL+SCROLL] in order to 'get a better peep' at alternative junks.

2k9 will be all about experimentation and testing new sexual boundaries. Kinda like a softcore porno television series on cable television. It'll be 'about sex' but it won't be raunchy. It will be sensual, and the former 'tug' experience will be about connecting with some1 on a spiritual+emotional+meaningful level.

2k9 will be all about serious relationships.
(I might be wrong. I'm just scared and looking 4 stability. What is 2k9 gonna b all abt?)

Previous Mummified Alt

Previous peen coverage [GINGER PEEN]

TWINS: what's ur favourite kind? (NSFW)

(sorry yall. I have 2 blog abt twins every chance I get. g2g. ttyl)

Do yall mind if I ask u a personal question and u answer 100% honestly without bullshitting me and being serious for once in ur goddamn life? Plz. Let's just talk...

Ok... here goes nothing...
Do yall like

Twins #1: dreamy pseudo-model twin bros?

Twins #2: concept-core incestual pseudo-twins who get hired to fuck eachother at events??

Twins #3: A post-strategic dual nip slip set of twin alt breasts

[Photos by LastnitesTwinfest]

Which set of twins would yall take to a desert island cuz u got stranded from society?
Which 5 iTunes albums would yall take 2 that island?

Luv asking yall personal questions. Just trying to 'get' u.

"Housekeeping." [Read this title in a derogatory Mexican voice.] (NSFW)

It's kinda unfair how some people are born in2 situations which they can't control. For instance, when these two people popped out of their mother's wombs, their lifepaths were already set. One was destined to be a housekeeper at a high end hotel. The other was destined to be a girl who took n00d photos and railed dudes. I'm not sure which life path I would want. While one is a little bit more priviledged and means I would have to work harder, the other life option might make life a little bit more meaningful. The harder you work, and the less that is handed 2 u [via silver platter], the more meaningful your life probably is.

(Wonder how my life woulda been different if I wasn't middleclass/uppermddleclss when I was a kid? Would my perspective of the world be ttly diff or the same? Or would I have a 'chip on my shouldr'?)

There's just s0 many ppl on Earth, yall. Kinda feel 'blessed' that I have an opportunity to be the only me on this planet. It's a privilege, and I respect the process of choosing my authentic career and forging a meaningful personal brand around it.

[Photo by LastnightsParty]

Should I start reading books abt how my life is special & how I can do whatever I want?

Should I start going 2 church in basketball arenas to be 'part of something bigger than myself'?

Should I become a party promoter/positive ChristianBro? Should I stop being a trivial electro producer and start dressing like a bagmainstreamer who srsly plays the acoustic guitar and wants to 'make it' as a Christian band?

Are you an individual, or r u part of the machine? (NSFW)

[Note: this picture is a metaphor.]

Sometimes I wonder if I am an individual, or if I am just part of some bullshit corporate America machine. I don't just want to be a product of marketing. I want to be a post-informed consumer. I want to make authentic decisions, and not be influenced by 'men in suits who just want to make money.' I am an artist. I do not want 2 b exploited.

I want to owe my existence 2 myself.
I am an individual. I am not the real-life embodiment of relevant themes from the movie THE MATRIX: Keanu's Bogus Journey.

This is a post about searching for the perfect alternative breasts.

xx BONUS singular tit xx

I am the lone breast//featured in the party pic//
I am the lone breast//not featured in the party pic//
My tit is more meaningful than the other tit.
[Photos by

P0st m0re Child Predators

[Photo by icanteachuhow2doit]
Child Predator glasses will never die.
Child Predator glasses have been around forever.
Child Predator glasses can make u look like an authentic kreep, no matter how upper-middle class your family is.
Child Predator glasses help u distance ur personal brand from society's norms.
Child Predator glasses make u look 'a lil smart' and 'a lil crayzee.'
Child Predator glasses may or may not be the new shutter shades.
Child Predator glasses help u see in the dark when ur trying 2 murder some1.
Child Predator glasses turn u into some1 that u nvr thought u could be.
Child Predator glasses are the lenses through which most of America's biggest tragedies were masterminded & executed.

///// Will Barry Obama ban child predator glasses? ///

Previous ChildPred coverage

XX BONUS ALTBRO who is waaay 2 into blogs XX

{photo by <a href="">lastnightsparty</a>}
"I am an authentic altbro. I read mp3 blogs. I own a tshirt of my favourite MP3 blog instead of tshirt of my favourite band. I support RCRD LBL bc they allegedly pay artists when they post their music. Most music blogs are just predators and don't care about artists. Most mp3 blogs just want to get paid, and don't care about what they are contributing to making the music industry a level playing field where we can appreciate what is truly worth appreciating. One day, I will start a music blog. One day, my blog will change the way that people see the music industry. I have a Macbook and a couple of digital cameras. I have big dreams. But I would settle for a tug."
-some altBro

Great Moments in Bein' an AltBro

Which of these pix is the 'Most Representative of the AltBro zeitgeist'?

Is it the altbro in the front of a DJ set wearing a sweat drenched hypemachine tshirt with his hand raised and his messenger bag over his shoulder full of vinyl records & a white Macbook?

Do u check the hypemachine more than u check myspace/fb? Does that make u authentic/ an authentic music fan?

Or is a better picture that captures the essence of altBro 2 altBros who brought overt indicators of having merged their personal brands with Girl Talk AT a Girl Talk concert?


Did yall read about Girl Talk in the New Yorke Times?
Are Mashups 'art'? Does something automatically become 'not art' after 2 many inauthentic people like it? (a.k.a. the HRO in 2k9 theory)

Can some1 build a timeline that documents the mainstreamization of Girl Talk so that we can study how things go from 'authentic buzzworthy viral' to 'maltsream' to 'mnstrm' to 'xx(main)streme)' [a mix of X-treme+Mainstream].

Modern Mummification Processes

[Photo by Lastnitesparty]
I remember back when I was in elementary school (b4 I got my G.E.D.), we used 2 have an fun activity on Halloween where we'd get single ply toilet paper and have a race to mummify one of our classmates. I remember on Halloween, every1 used 2 b rlly hyper, since every1 had a bunch of candy. It's kinda weird how things never change. U grow up, and u still have the same perspective as when u were a kid. U do the same things, u feel inadequate. U always feel like ur dealing with people who have simple emotions and simple feelings that u tip toe around.

Things never change.

/// miss u childhood ///

I miss my dad b4 he cheated on my mom and left her 'fractured'/feeling like 'less of a woman.'

miss yall

Part of the Toilet Paper Mummy game never dies

i miss my lonely, single aunt/free-spirited teacher who was gonna die alone

It is an international game.

When I participated in Teach For America (Teach 4 ASIA/AZNs), I brought knowledge of this game to them.

Even after my uncle got "Lieutenant Danned"/couldn't walk n e more after returning from the War in Iraq, we still played the game with him.

/// life
/// used
/// 2
/// be
/// s0
/// meaningful / special / authentic without having 2 think abt it.

BUT SRSLY... does n e 1 know why 'mummies' were even a fashion trend? Don't understand why some1 would wear that unless they lived in the Middle East oppressed part of the world.

[Photo by Last Night's Party]

We’re all proud 2 b an American now that Barry Obammy is Pressy (NSFW)

[Photo by lastnitesparty]

God Bless The HRO


(to the tune of "God Bless the USA")

If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I’d kinda worked for all my life/went to design school 4.
And I had to start again, (transfer colleges)
with just my lil alt and my entry level alt GF.
I’d thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
‘Cause the electro bolt flag still stands for altdom,
and mnstrms can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an Alt,
where at least I know my mind is free. (from corporate bullsht)
And I wont forget the electrowarsoldiers who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the Alt.S.A.

From the blogs on the hypemachine,
to the douchey clubs of LA.
Across the party pix HTML templates,
From meme to viral meme.

From Seattle down to Austin,
and New York to L.A.
Well there's authenticAlt in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say.

That I’m proud to be an AltBro/FGGT/authenticAlt/Altbag,
where at least I know I’m free (spirited/liberal).
And I wont forget the blipsters/AZNs who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to u and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the Alt.S.A.

And I’m proud to be and Alternative member of society,
where at least I know I’m differentiated.
And I wont forget the cool/aloof dads who died,
who gave that right to me (via inheritance).

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend my personal brand still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this blog,
God bless the HRO.


Taking a bath with a group of ur closest friends = the new 'getting buzzed' with a group of ur closest friends? (NSFW)

At the end of the night, do u ever 'feel kinda dirtie' and end up taking a bath with a group of ur closest friends? Sometimes when I am taking a shower, I pretend that I am scrubbing myself free of my past, and all of the bad decisions I have made in my life.

Might start 2 take showers with friends so we can 'get over' a lot of the social bullshit + relationship mistakes that we made.

Just wanna bond in an authentic kind of way. Remember that time __________(alternative celebrity/band) came 2 town, and we ended up hanging with him until 7 a.m. We ended up eating Mc________ (McDonalds breakfast food) and doing blow as we watched the sunrise. Kinda wish every weekend could be that meaningful.

Looking 4 a group of girls who 'want to get their fuck on' at the end of the night, and don't rlly care abt gender. Looking for a free spirited girl who 'doesn't mind takin her clothes off' bc her body is 'beautiful' and/or 'art.'

n e ways...can we assume that this tuggle of girls in the shower are sponsored by antiquated Blackberry models?

Will people laugh at my iPhone in 6 months?

[Photos by LastNitesParty]

Previous hotties in bafrooms

sent from my bPhone


s000 tired of Halloween. It's like I've been blggng abt it 4 the past blog-decade. Just wanted 2 find authentic costumes.

not even sure if i'll dress up nxt year. this year took a lot out of me. Not evn sure who I am n e m0re. sux. kinda let down. nite didn't go as I had planned/envision. h8 it when things fall thru.



The Justices

Girl With a 3rd Nipple on her back

FGGT Indian from the Village People


AltWayne and AltGarth

HeartsRevolution PaintedMask Ninja Turtle

JokerAltMainstreamer Pack


Last Night's Lil Tug (NSFW)

I was looking at for some 'krazie pix' to turn into a lackluster Halloween post. Fortunately, I found something better.

Breasts + peen + tugging-in-action. (+ bonus chest tat)
Does this picture make you hungry 4 a tug? Me 2, yall.

Sometimes it is hard to find [EXCLUSIVE]+[IN DEPTH] content for yall.
It's also hard to find people crying blood.
It's also hard to find blue blood
It's also hard 2 find head wounds.
It's also hard 2 find bros who got stabbed and are about to die.
It's also hard to find vomit.
It's also hard to find twins.
It's also (kinda) hard 2 find male nips slipz.
It's also hard 2 find ginger peens.
It's nearly impossible to find nut slips.

Which 1 is ur favourite rarity?

The AltBag

[Photo by thecobrasnake]
A lot of people ask me if alternative males can be anything other than the traditional alternative bro (also commonly referred to as the altBro). There is a genre of alternative men who can be more douchebaggy than bro-ish. Instead of seeking the camraderie/tugs that altbros want, altBags are driven by money/status/altFame/other alternative ideals. AltBags no longer pride themselves in receiving the tugjobs of entrylevel alt girls who they accidentally end up in a 6-12 month relationship with. Altbags usually shape their personal brand around 'being taken seriously' as opposed to focusing on the pursuit of authenticity.

AltBags can usually leave their altBro status behind when they pursue 'a better life' (on various levels) and/or try to become an alternative entreprenuer, capitalizing off their local/global scenes. Most of the world's most successful alternative entrepreneurs have ascended into AltBag status. Whether they are a designer, DJ, AZN DJ, party pic taker, or altWebMagazineBlog founder-- the altBag personality type is sometimes necessary to have a mentally-tough personal brand to withstand the trials and tribulations of being a public figure. On the flipside, some altBags are solitary alts, with no circle of friends beyond His altDiva GF.

However, most altBags are not successful. Most altBags are the post-AltBros in your local scene who are very difficult to take seriously, even though they appear to be taking themselves very seriously. Usually, they dress like an alternative version of the Jonas Brothers, utilizing an array of plaid, fancy/vintagey jackets, and avoidance of anything that looks 'too American Apparelly.' They spend money on higher end clothes and/or take time to find [HIGHLY THRIFTED] clothes.

AltBags are more than just AltBros.

[Photo by thecobrasnake]

AltBags take themselves 100% seriously. Their personal brands will last forever. They are generally between ages 24-30, since it takes a certain level of maturity to be an AltBag. You must be at a point where you were kind of forced into taking your alternative existence seriously.

[photo by Lastnitesparty]

AltBags sometimes manage to find an aloof altDiva. They are both relatively disconnected from modern trends, but still manage to have an intimidating presence on their FB/Myspace profiles & in person.

[Photo by Lastnightspary]

AltBros could transition their personal brands back to being relatively mainstream. However, altBags are ALT4LIFE. This AltBag Blipster is Alt4Life. His personal brand is set 4 life.

[Photo by thecobrasnake]

Being an ALTBAG is not always an insult. Some of the world's most successful alternative entrepreneurs can be classified as altBags. Mark "Cobrasnake" Hunter is a good example of how altBags are either 0% zany, or 100% authentic zany. AltBags cannot be contrived-zany-core.

[Photo by the selby]

There are numerous altBags featured in this video. The various AltBags in this video include a party pic bro, a promoter, and various DJs/musicians. These altBags are truly passionate about their scene. AltBags can sometimes have self-important concepts of their place in alternative society, which makes it difficult for the socially conscious to take them seriously.


[video may not be viewable in ur RSS reader]

Another great video example of an AltBag is the guy named JUAN from the Pitchfork.TV series "Juan's Basement." Basically, bands come to play in this bro's basement, and he acts how you would expect an altBag to act if a buzzworthy band came to hang out. He establishes an authentic connection with the band, making it clear to observers that he is truly 'down' with the band by joking with them/being the bro who 'is interested in them like no1 else is bc he is a true fan AND true friend.'


[video may not be viewable in ur RSS reader]
<3 busting balls <3

Do u know any altBags in your local scene? Have you ever encountered an alternative celebrity who acted like the biggest altBag? Are altBags driven to make money off alternative markets, without always 'getting' the alt zeitgeist? However, some of the most successful altBag entrepreneurs accidentally stumble into an 'ironic niche' where they took themselves so seriously that it was impossible to believe that they were being serious, creating a portal in which their brand was fun to follow/make fun of (a.k.a. BUZZWORTHY). Do u have any important qualifications to add to the definition of ALTBAG?
////Welcome to the altBag era!////

Syndicate content